


I Don't Want to Dream About You

by Dayo488



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Neighbors, Art teacher Clarke Griffin, Child Acquisition, F/M, Found Family, History teacher Bellamy Blake, Mutual Pining, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slow Burn, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, a little angsty
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:07:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 173,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26035399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dayo488/pseuds/Dayo488
Summary: When two of Clarke’s best friends, Wells and his wife Glass, die in an accident, she’s told that they’ve left Glass’s three year old daughter, Madi, to be raised by her Auntie Clarke. Clarke decides to move the two of them across country from California to a small town in Connecticut that her roommate in college told her about - Arkadia. California was never where Wells and Glass wanted to raise their daughter and Clarke remembers Octavia talking about how wonderfully welcoming and warm the town of Arkadia was to grow up in.When she gets to Arkadia, she meets up with Raven, a girl she’d met a few times when she’d visited Octavia, and her neighbor Bellamy, a man who confuses her more than she’d like to admit, and she begins to find that what she expected to happen when they moved across the country, isn’t exactly how it goes. But sometimes, what’s meant to happen instead of what you expect to happen is even better.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake & Clarke Griffin & Madi, Bellamy Blake & John Murphy, Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, Clarke Griffin & Madi, Clarke Griffin & Raven Reyes, Emori/John Murphy (The 100), Monty Green/Harper McIntyre, Octavia Blake & Clarke Griffin, Other Relationship Tags to Be Added
Comments: 475
Kudos: 427





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Here I am again! 
> 
> I promised this, what, like a month ago? Real life got in the way (grr!) but I've got it up now! I've had this idea forever and was excited to get it going and share it with all of you! I hope you enjoy! Updates will be weekly (probably fridays) until I get far enough ahead to up it to 2x/week. 
> 
> Also, disclaimer - I've never actually been to this part of the country, so if there's any glaring mistakes, forgive me!
> 
> The title of this fic is from Nobody But You by Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani
> 
> Hope you all are doing well and staying safe!
> 
> Quick AN if you haven't read my stuff before - the dashes signify scene change and astricks signify POV changes

Clarke hesitated a moment before reaching across the large conference table to touch her fingertips to the envelope Kane had sitting in front of him. She slid it towards her, until she could read the single word written in handwriting she knew almost better than her own.

_Clarke_

She remembered how in preschool it was the first word Wells was determined to learn to spell and write after his own. She remembered how much he complained about how hard the letter _a_ in Clarke was and she would scoff and say it was no harder than the _s_ in Wells. Little four year old Wells rolled his eyes and remained resolved, insisting that for the number of times in their long lives he’d end up writing it he had to figure it out. And she had smiled at him and bumped his shoulder with her own and set about learning how to spell his name too.

_Their long lives._

It turned out his life wasn’t as long as he thought it would be. 

And now Clarke sat at a conference table far too large for only the two of them, staring at an envelope with her name written by his hand on it. Perfect _a_ and all.

Clarke didn’t want to open it. If she opened it, she knew she would find a letter filled with beautiful words and it would be the last time she’d ever hear from him. 

She glanced behind her, through the wall of glass that separated her and Kane from the lobby, where Madi sat playing with some dolls that she’d found in a toy basket. The toy basket meant to occupy kids while their parents handled whatever they needed a lawyer for. 

Clarke hadn’t quite figured out how to tell her that her parents were gone yet. The car accident that claimed the lives of Wells and his wife, Glass, was only a couple days ago and Madi thought she was just on an extended vacation at her Auntie Clarke’s. Clarke had no idea what was going to happen to Madi now and her heart broke just thinking about it.

She was having a hard enough time as it was coming to terms with it herself, let alone explaining it to a three year old. The world seemed _off_ somehow without Wells in it. 

“Clarke?” Kane asked softly, and she turned her gaze back towards him but didn’t respond. Marcus Kane was an old family friend - he and his wife Callie were best friends with her parents. And friends with Wells’ dad too before he passed five years ago. It wasn’t a surprise that Wells had chosen Kane to handle his will. 

Clarke took a deep breath and picked up the envelope, turning it over and using the letter opener on the desk in front of her to open it. 

She wasn’t going to be able to avoid it forever. 

_Dear Clarke,_

_I’m sorry. That’s the first thing I want to say because to be honest, I never want you to read this letter. I want this to yellow and rot somewhere until it’s no longer necessary. But you are reading this, which means I’m gone. And that my little girl doesn’t have her parents anymore._

Clarke let out a strangled noise from the back of her throat, but she held back the sob threatening to escape.

_You’re my best friend, Clarke, which obviously comes to no surprise to you. Cradle to grave, that’s what the saying is, right? At least, cradle to MY grave, apparently._

_That was a joke, you should laugh!_

Clarke scoffed.

_Yeah, okay, that might have been a little dark. Maybe you’ll laugh at it one day. Glass is with me as I write this right now. She doesn’t think it’s funny either. But you know me, I’ve got to lighten things somehow because without a little light, there’s only darkness. And I don’t want you to live in the darkness. So do me a favor and find something to laugh at, okay? You have a wonderful laugh and people deserve to hear it._

“Damnit, Wells,” she said under her breath as a tear slipped down her face. 

_There’s a million things, a million memories I could write about. Like that time in the third grade when you stood up to Todd because he said something mean to me. I don’t even remember what it was he said, but I remember you getting sent home because you shoved him and he tripped and scraped his palms._

“He was being dramatic,” Clarke mumbled.

_You’ve always been so strong, so tough. You’ve handled yourself in all kinds of situations when we were growing up and I’ve never had any doubt that you’ll live the life most people would kill for. I need you to be strong now. I need you to be strong for yourself, but also, I need you to be strong for Madi. And that doesn’t mean don’t cry, even though I know you hate it._

Clarke snorted.

_Because it’s important for you to grieve and cry. It’s important that Madi knows it’s okay to be sad and to cry. But I also need you to show her how to pick herself back up too. How to find the light in the darkness. Because it’s just going to be the two of you now._

Clarke’s head snapped up to Kane, who nodded slightly, almost like he knew what Clarke had just realized. 

Wells and Glass were giving Madi to her to raise? 

Clarke's heart started racing as she continued reading.

_There’s no one else in the entire world Glass and I trust with our daughter more than you, Clarke. She loves you, and you love her. You both probably need that right now. I’m not sure if leaving her to you will be a surprise or not - I haven’t figured out when the best time to talk to you about this will be. So if I never actually told you we were doing this… SURPRISE! It’s a girl!_

_Yeah, I know, still dark._

_Sorry._

_I know she isn’t biologically mine, but I love her like she is, you know that. My parents are gone and Glass’s parents… well you’ve heard enough to know we’d rather her not go to them. So we did the responsible thing (for once! ha!) and called Marcus to put all this together. He also has a letter for Madi from us for every birthday from now until she’s 18. I know it might be a little morbid for her eventually, and that we’ll fade from her memory, but I trust that we’ve made enough of an impression on you that you’ll tell her about us._

_The appropriate parts for a kid anyway. ;)_

_I love you. You’ve been my best friend my entire life._

_But It’s okay if you end up finding a new best friend, just so you know. I don’t mind._

_Love,_

_Wells_

\-----------------------------

**  
_6 months later_   
**

Clarke drove down the main street of the sleepy little town, finally making it after a week of travel. She and Madi had left a couple days after Christmas; Clarke’s parents had flown in from New York to spend the holiday with the two of them, which definitely helped. It had been difficult, having to re-explain to Madi why her parents couldn’t be there. It was a sad day for everyone, but they did the best they could and Clarke hoped it would get easier eventually. 

They’d spent New Years a couple days ago on the shores of Lake Erie - a tradition that Clarke and Wells and their families had growing up. There was a cabin there that her parents owned that they stayed in for a couple nights. It was freezing, but incredibly peaceful and beautiful. Then they’d driven the remaining 8 hours to Connecticut, letting her google maps lead her to their new home in Arkadia.

Driving down the center of the town - It was like something out of a magazine. Lamp posts with leftover garland from Christmas, stone sidewalks, brick buildings. A bookstore, a cafe, city hall, a park in the middle of it all. People wandered down the walkways with their coffees or hot cocoa headed to who knew where. There was no snow, but there was a frost in the air, a chill that told Clarke it would soon enough and she got excited thinking about watching Madi play in her first snow. They’d seen some snow as they drove through the different states, but they didn’t get a chance to go out in it; Clarke’s car wasn’t equipped for heavy snow so they’d avoided those areas for the most part. 

Arkadia was the very definition of quaint and was exactly what Clarke had imagined and hoped it would be. It was opposite of the shiny palm tree laiden Southern California with its “hey dudes” and “hang ten” surfer culture that Clarke had never felt like she fit in with. There was nothing _wrong_ , necessarily, with that culture and it had been a nice change of pace from the East Coast where she and Wells had grown up, but this kind of place? This felt like home. 

She turned off the main street and spent some time exploring the different areas, finding the shopping centers and grocery stores that most towns had as well, trying to make a mental note of where everything was. Finally, they arrived at their destination and she climbed out of the car and faced the house she’d rented for them.

It was small-ish, but it was just her and Madi so it’d fit them fine. There were lamp posts here too, a small front yard with a tall maple tree in the middle of it, sans leaves of course, and a path that led up to the porch that extended off to either side of a mustard-yellow front door. The house itself was a light tan color, with blue shutters and a dark brown roof. There was no garage, but a driveway was off to the side. She’d parked on the street for now, but would move her car into it a little later. 

It was too nice of a car for her to own, a brand new BMW that had all the bells and whistles. It was too flashy for her tastes - she ran more on the simpler side of things, but her parents insisted, if she was going to be driving Madi around to have a nicer car than the old Corolla that was on its last legs she’d had previously. 

She’d gone back and forth for months whether to make this move or not. Wells, Glass, and Madi had lived in an apartment in the same building she did, which is where they’d been staying while waiting for the 6 month probationary period that was mandatory after a custody change to be over. Clarke wasn’t sure if she wanted to change Madi’s home, where she’d lived forever, but rent was getting steeper and steeper and on Clarke’s middle school art teacher salary with a three year old to look after, she wasn’t really able to afford living in California anymore. 

Her parents offered to help out and of course Wells and Glass had left Madi money, but Clarke wanted to save as much of that as possible for Madi to have when she became an adult and she’d already decided a long time ago that borrowing money like that on a regular basis from her parents was out of the question unless it was a real emergency. The car had been an exception since hers was definitely not going to make the trip across the country.

Abby and Jake Griffin currently lived in New York City, in the fancy high rise Clarke and Wells had grown up in. She’d briefly considered moving there, so she’d be closer to them, but that wasn’t any cheaper than California. Besides, that lifestyle she’d grown up around wasn’t something she wanted Madi to be a part of and she knew Wells and Glass wouldn’t either. 

When Wells and Clarke graduated high school, they’d fled the society they were used to and enrolled in college on the West Coast. They met Glass during orientation and the three of them were fast friends. 

Clarke’s roommate at the college turned out to be Octavia Blake, a photography major. They’d hit it off, bonding over their reasons for moving to California and were friends all through their years there. Octavia’s life growing up had been pretty opposite of Clarke’s, but her reasons for moving were the same - they’d both wanted to try something new and get out on their own. 

Once they graduated though, Clarke started teaching and O started taking pictures for a travel magazine which sent her all over the place and they’d lost touch, as people do after school. But Clarke remembered the town Octavia had talked about growing up in - Arkadia. 

So Clarke found Octavia’s phone number and reached out about three months after the accident, surprised to find that O was currently abroad, on a shoot in Italy. It’d be a few months before she made her way back stateside, but she was incredibly excited that Clarke was considering moving to Arkadia. 

During the remainder of the probationary period with Madi, Clarke spent time online researching the area - the parks, schools, houses, restaurants and Octavia hadn’t been exaggerating, the town really was pretty small, but it had everything she was looking for. There was only one middle school in the town, so Clarke immediately reached out to Principal Diyoza about whether they needed an art teacher and was pleasantly surprised to find that they were getting ready to lose their current teacher Luna Lanik, who was leaving during winter break to start her own art gallery.

Principal Diyoza called her and they ended up having a Zoom Interview. She was very brash and upfront, but not in a rude or unpleasant way, and she had her two year old daughter Hope on her lap, making Clarke feel better about explaining the situation with Madi. Diyoza had even organized in-house child care for the teachers at the school who had children and said she’d love to have Madi join.

Clarke almost cried when she heard that. While she wasn’t Madi’s mother, she was raising Madi on her own now and was worried what that would look like with her working full time and living in a new town where she barely knew anyone. She’d be able to check in on Madi throughout the day and Madi would get the chance to make some new friends.

Clarke took a deep breath and stepped up on the curb, staring at the house she’d found online and rented from a woman named Diana Sydney. They’d talked on the phone and figured out the details and Clarke desperately hoped that the pictures online weren’t deceiving; she hadn’t had time or opportunity to fly out to see it in person before deciding on renting it. 

She turned around and peered in the backseat at Madi, the sweet little girl had fallen asleep somewhere around the state border and was still out like a light. Madi had done so much better than she thought she would while traveling across the country like that. 

Clarke leaned back against the car, zipping her jacket up a little more to protect herself from the chilly weather and closing her eyes. Their furniture wouldn't be there until the next day, but Clarke had brought an air bed to use for the night. It would be better if Madi just finished her nap in the car seat, where she was comfy and warm. But Clarke welcomed the fresh crisp air after being in the car for so long, even if it was cold.

“Hey.”

Clarke’s eyes shot open and she stumbled a little, her foot getting caught on the curb. 

“Shit,” she mumbled as she looked around for the source of the gruff voice. She slid her sunglasses up to the top of her head and furrowed her brows in the direction of the man standing on the other side of the fence separating the two properties.

He was tall and broad with dark brown, curly hair. Something about him tickled the back of her brain, like she’d met him before, but that was impossible; the only other person she’d met from Arkadia other than Octavia was Raven Reyes when she’d come to visit O. Well, and her ex, Finn Collins, but this man was definitely _not_ Finn.

Mystery man’s arms were folded across his flannel shirt clad chest with an angry look on his face and he stood like he was waiting for her to say something. She regained her balance and took a couple hesitant steps forward. She couldn’t fathom what she could’ve possibly done to piss him off already. Maybe it was a misunderstanding somehow.

“Uh, hey. I’m - ”

“Blocking the driveway,” he interjected. “And this house is empty.”

“So what does matter if I’m blocking the driveway? And this is actually - well I just rented this place, so… anyway, I’m Clarke Griffin. Nice to meet you,” she said with a tired smile. Despite the fact that she’d basically been sitting for a majority of her days the last week, Clarke felt every limb, every muscle ache for a good night’s rest. Even her bones were exhausted.

He just stared at her though so she let her hand drop. 

_Great. Cranky neighbor. This is going swimmingly._

“Is there a problem?”

“I hope not. But just to let you know, Princess, any friends of Diana Sydney are not friends of mine.”

“Prin - what are you talking about? I’m not a friend of Diana’s,” she shot back. “I’m just renting the house.” Why was he being so rude to her? 

He chuckled sardonically. “Please. Diana doesn’t rent her houses to just anyone. They always have to benefit her in some way. Which means, you have a connection to someone or something she likes or thinks she may need in the future,” he explained. “And by the looks of that car…” he trailed off and Clarke frowned. She was trying not to get pissed off, but he was making it pretty difficult. 

“What about my car?” she said a little too loudly, and she glanced quickly back at the car to make sure she hadn’t woken Madi. 

“Are you kidding? Have you _seen_ it?” he asked incredulously, gesturing towards it.

“My parents - ”

“Oh well that makes sense - got it.”

“You know what? You can fuck off. I work hard for everything I have - ” he snorted. “ - _except_ that car. And I don’t appreciate you making me out to be someone I’m not. Especially since you’ve _just_ met me.”

“Who’re your parents?” he asked and she narrowed her eyes, confused. “What do they do?”

She folded her own arms, seeing where he was headed with this. “That is none of your business.”

He quirked up an eyebrow.

“My mother is a surgeon in New York, my father is an engineer for the Eligius Corporation.” 

“Wow. You really _are_ a Princess. Man when I’m right, I’m right.”

“Shut up. I’m surprised you’ve even heard of Eligius,” she shot back weakly. She was too exhausted to think of anything more clever.

He ignored the ridiculous jab. “Well, Clarke Griffin, when Diana comes to cash in on those hefty connections, don’t say I didn’t warn you,” he shrugged, turning to head back into his own house. 

“See you later, asshole,” she hissed after him, but he was already inside.

Clarke huffed and walked back to her car, the super fancy one her neighbor seemed to hold an overly dramatic grudge against and peered in through the window to see Madi still conked out. She sighed and opened the passenger seat to wait her out. 

Octavia had described this place as warm, and friendly, and welcoming. Apparently, she’d never met _this_ guy.

So it figured Clarke would choose the house next to the prick.

She laid her head back against the headrest and closed her eyes, trying to think of a better comeback than _shut up_ the next time she went up against him.

***

Probably the _most_ frustrating thing to Bellamy was that she was easily the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen in his life. The moment he saw the blonde step out of the incredibly ostentatious car, he should’ve known he was fucked.

She was just the latest in the list of unsavory people Diana let rent her house to, Bellamy was sure of it. He worked hard to be able to afford the house he had in a respectable neighborhood. 

And then Diana Sydney bought the house next to him two years after he moved in and in the past few years, she’d had two renters - Charles Pike and the woman he only knew as Nygel. Pike was big and burley and the ringleader in an underground fighting club a couple towns over with his flackey Dax. They had tried to rope Bellamy into working for him more than once, always promising it as an easy way to make some money. 

Nygel dealt in illegal drugs on the other side of Arkadia quite successfully and eventually she caught the interest of Diana. He’d known Nygel for years - that side of town was where he and O had grown up. Raven and Murphy too and Raven’s mother had even distributed drugs for her for most of their childhood. 

There was never enough evidence to turn them in, and after a year or so each they’d moved on to bigger and worse things and he never heard from them again. Finally, for the last 6 months the house had been sitting empty and the frayed edge Bellamy’s nerves were on for those years could finally steady out a little.

Until the blonde stepped out of the car and told him she’d rented the house. He had no idea what sort of trouble she was, but he was certain of one thing - she was definitely trouble.

Diana Sydney had a habit of only dealing with people who she thought she’d be able to benefit from. He didn't get the shady vibe from this new woman - _Clarke Griffin_ \- but the moment she’d said her dad worked for Eligus and her mother was a hot-shot surgeon in New York City… well it wasn’t hard to see why Sydney had decided on Clarke as her next renter. 

But she seemed to genuinely not have any idea who Sydney was so _maybe_ he’d regretted his tone with her just a tiny bit. He had a bit of a sore spot when it came to the wealthy - you didn’t grow up like he and O did without a little bit of a resentment towards money coming out of it. And then the BMW pulled up with an owner that was _clearly_ not a stranger to the finer things and well, old habits die hard. He’d been so caught off guard by someone renting the house he’d immediately gone on the offensive. 

Once he was back in his living room, with the furniture he’d built mostly himself in the house he worked his ass off for since he was sixteen, he let out a long sigh. He chanced a look out his bay window and could just barely glimpse the head of blonde hair in the passenger seat. 

_Why wasn’t she going inside?_

It was none of his business if she wanted to spend the night in her car, she could do whatever she wanted, it didn’t matter to him. But still, he couldn’t help being curious anyway and he ended up putzing around the house, straightening and cleaning things that didn’t need to be straightened or cleaned just so he could make multiple passes by the window. 

Finally after about a half hour, he saw movement and she stepped out of her car again. She sent a glare towards his house, probably sensing he was a crazy stalker who was watching her and he darted off to the side like the child he was, caught doing something he wasn’t supposed to. 

Despite his awareness of how ridiculous he was being, he still poked his head back around to watch some more and saw her get something out of the backseat, his jaw dropping to the ground, along with the broom he’d been holding, when he saw it was a _child_. A little girl with wavy brown hair and big eyes and an excited goofy smile. 

Clarke was a mother? 

Somehow he hadn’t expected that, and the pit of guilt that had been already resting comfortably in his gut for his awful first impression expanded. While, sure, he was pretty sure she was some sort of trouble, and she was definitely strong-willed and stubborn as hell, maybe she’d been the _teeniest_ bit right and he’d made her out to be someone she wasn’t. 

Of course, it wasn’t like every mother was a stellar example of goodness so…

Maybe he was overthinking this.

He heard the little girl shriek and run off towards the house, and Clarke let out a laugh, though he couldn’t hear it from inside his house, and run after her daughter. 

Or the kid she kidnapped - he wasn’t quite sure which yet.

He was definitely overthinking this.

He sighed and walked through through the arch of his living room to the kitchen, staring at the crockpot on his counter currently cooking the pot roast he’d been planning on having for dinner, always making too much so he’d have leftovers for lunch the next couple days. 

He bit his lip and waffled. 

He should leave them alone, definitely. She probably already had dinner planned out and who knew how far she’d traveled to get here and she _definitely_ didn’t need her asshole neighbor shoving food at her that she would probably think he’d poisoned anyway. Which she definitely had reason to suspect such a thing because of how rude he’d been.

He really should leave them alone. 

Bellamy sighed. He’d never really been good at doing what he _should_ do.

***

“So, sweet girl, what do you think?” Clarke asked, catching Madi as she launched herself off the window bench in her new room and into Clarke’s arms. At three years old, Madi was rambunctious and fearless. If she could climb up the walls, she probably would just to see how high she could go.

“Oh my goodness, I love it Auntie Clarke!” she exclaimed overdramatically. Her latest phrase was _oh my goodness_ to literally every opinion. “My bed go here, my clothes, um,” she hesitated, furrowing her brows. “Here?” she asked, pointing at the closet. 

“Yep. Some of them anyway, like the pretty dresses your Mommy picked out, remember those?”

“Oh yeah! Oh my goodness, I love those.” Madi’s face fell for a moment as it often did at the mention of her mother, but then she scrunched her face and looked around again. “So where are they, Auntie Clarke?”

“They’ll be here tomorrow. Along with our beds and other furniture,” she told her, wiggling her nose with Madi’s, making her giggle. Madi’s giggle could light up the dimmest of moods.

Madi’s big eyes got impossibly wider and she clasped her hands on her cheeks. “So we sleep on the _floor_?” 

Clarke laughed. “No, silly, I’ve got an air bed we’ll sleep on. It’ll be fun, like we’re camping.”

“Okay. I’m hungry. Snack?” she asked, already moving on from her disbelief at their sleeping arrangements.

“Sure, let’s go see what I’ve got left in our food bag. We’ll go grocery shopping in the morning, hmm?”

Madi wriggled out of Clarke’s grasp and immediately took off. Clarke huffed, grateful she’d gotten a half hour power nap in the car earlier. 

Madi was already digging through the snack bag by the time Clarke joined her downstairs, her little head almost inside it completely, and Clarke would put big money down on her trying to find fruit snacks. 

Sure enough after another moment, Madi emerged from the bag clutching a small blue pouch. “Yes!” 

“Do you want me to open them for you?”

“No, I do it myself,” Madi said determinedly. It took a second of her fingers fiddling with it, but eventually Madi just put the pouch in her teeth and ripped it open. “Do you want one?”

“Sure, I love fruit snacks.” She wandered closer and sat cross legged in the empty room next to her. 

Madi just nodded and passed over the one that she’d opened already, and dove back into the bag, producing another one instantly. This time, she didn’t even bother trying to open it with her hands, the pouch going straight in her teeth.

Clarke just chuckled and shook her head, pulling out a grape flavored fruit snack from her saliva covered pouch. They ate in silence for a few minutes, trading for each other’s favorite flavors, and were halfway through their second packs when her phone rang. Clarke pulled it out and smiled.

“Hey O.”

“Clarke! Did you and Madi make it okay? It was today that you were supposed to arrive, right?”

“Sitting in our new super empty house as we speak.”

“Oh good. Did it match the pictures? I know you were nervous about that.”

“Pretty much. It needs our special touches, but we’ll make it a home soon enough.” Clarke bopped Madi on the nose, making her giggle. “The landlady said I could paint so Madi and I are headed to the store in a couple days to pick some out.”

“Well, you wouldn’t be you without a little color.”

Clarke laughed. “After all this time, you still know me.”

“Did you see Rae yet?” O asked.

“Nope, she’ll be by in the morning though. I called her when I got close, but she has to work late I guess. It’s fine. We’ll go out in a bit and pick up a pizza or something for me and Madi.”

When Clarke found out Octavia was in Italy, she asked for Raven’s number, being the only other person she’d met from Arkadia. Raven had come to visit Octavia a few times over the course of their college years, but the first time was the most significant. It was the time when Clarke had found out that Raven didn’t just come all the way to the West Coast to visit Octavia, she’d also come to visit her longtime boyfriend, Finn Collins. 

The same Finn Collins that Clarke had started seeing a few months prior, after he’d picked her up at a party. 

That night was supposed to have been a one-time thing, but they kept running into each other. One thing led to another and they started officially dating a month later after he admitted he was falling for her. He’d been showering her with attention and love, and she stupidly started falling hard. Or she thought she was anyway. Clarke had held it close to the vest for a while, only telling Octavia about a ‘guy’ she’d been seeing. She had finally been ready to tell Octavia everything when Raven showed up. She and O had gone to meet Raven and her ‘boyfriend’ at a local diner for lunch, only to see Raven and Finn making out in the booth.

It had been like a bucket of ice water had been thrown on her head, dousing her and freezing her from the inside out. 

And well, the rest was history. Messy, complicated history, sure, but they’d both dumped Finn immediately and ended up hanging out whenever she came to visit Octavia. Clarke didn’t end up meeting anyone else form Arkadia other than Raven and Finn, and only vaguely remembered Octavia’s mentions of everyone else, but she remembered Raven well and she had been thrilled that Clarke was moving with Madi to Arkadia when she’d called and told her. 

Raven Reyes was a no nonsense kind of girl who laughed loudly and lived life as close to the edge as possible. She was adventurous and tough and Clarke was sure nothing had changed in the years since they’d spoken. 

“Okay,” Octavia said. “Try the place over on Rover. Most amazing pizza you’ll ever eat. I’d have you send me some if it wouldn’t cost an arm and a leg in shipping. And you know, be gross by the time it got here.”

“What, they don't have pizza in Italy?” Clarke asked, an eyebrow raised even if Octavia couldn’t see her. 

“Very funny. It really is delicious though. Do you remember Murphy?”

“I think so? Wasn’t he the friend of your brother’s that annoyed you endlessly?” Clarke tried to stretch her memory back that far.

“Yeah,” she chuckled. “That’s him. He and his wife Emori own it and the bar attached. Murphy may be a smug son of a bitch but he makes good pizza,” Octavia told her. Clarke made a mental note of the information as O continued. “Speaking of my brother, have you called him yet?”

Clarke was confused by the question. “No? I’ve never even met him, why would I call him?”

“You need people! And he is super overprotective and handy and will totally help you out if you need anything. And he loves kids.”

Clarke smiled, but shook her head at the suggestion. “Thanks, O, but I’m just fine on my own for now. I’m sure I’ll meet him eventually. I’m kind of at the max of my people meeting quota today anyway,” she huffed, irritated at even the thought of her new neighbor.

“‘People meeting quota’? Is that even a thing?” Octavia questioned. “Who’d you meet that pissed you off so badly?”

Clarke glanced at Madi, who had pulled out her baby dolls from the duffel and was currently showing them around the room and kitchen, pointing out all the new things. She wandered out of earshot of the girl but not her sight-line and lowered her voice. “My new neighbor. I had barely gotten out of my car before he was yelling at me for parking in front of a driveway - _my_ driveway, by the way - and judging me for the kind of car I was driving. Who does that?” she asked, but before Octavia could answer, she answered her own question, relieved she had someone she could vent to about the confrontation earlier. “A self-righteous asshole wearing flannel with messy hair and drives a beat up truck, that’s who! Not that _I’m_ the one judging, he can wear his hair and drive whatever he wants, I don't give a damn. And actually, his truck wasn’t really beat up, it was nicer than my piece of shit Corolla was anyway and he was actually stupidly good looking, which somehow made it all worse. But the nerve of him to - ”

“Clarke, what was your address again?” Octavia asked suddenly, cutting her off. Clarke took the phone off her ear to stare at it, frowning, before putting it back and giving her the address of the rental. “Great, can I call you back?”

“Uh, sure?” she told her, confused as to what was going on. They hung up the phone and shook her head at it. That was weird. “Hey, Mads?” she called over to the next room. “Probably time to go potty, don’t ya think?”

“I don’t want to,” Madi called back.

“Please?”

“No,” Madi insisted stubbornly. 

“Madi!” she called, her voice a little firmer that time. They’d been working on potty training for a few months now and Madi always waited until the last possible second. Stubborn as always.

“Oh my goodness, fiiiiine,” she relented dramatically and Clarke sighed. She heard the little girl stomp off towards the hall bath where Clarke had put her potty seat and stool when they’d come in. She went back to the living room and got the air bed out of the box and frowned when she realized she left the pump in the car. She whined a little bit when she realized that meant she’d have to put her shoes back on and trudge out into the cold weather again. January in Arkadia was much colder than it was in California. 

“Madi, I’m going to run out to the car to get the air pump for the bed, you okay in there?”

“Uh huh!”

“Don’t forget to wash your hands!” 

“I knowww!”

Clarke rolled her eyes and pulled her boots and jacket on and flung open the front door. She was looking down at herself, trying to remember which pocket she’d put her car key in. 

Which was probably why she ran straight into him, dropping the found keys on the floor.

“Shit! What the hell?” she exclaimed when she realized who she’d smack into. “What are you doing here? Didn’t make fun of me enough earlier? Here for round two?”

His expression softened. He sighed and knelt down, picking up her keys for her. She grabbed them from his hand and crossed her arms, waiting for him to speak. He held his phone out to her. “Yeah I deserve that. Uh, here. It’s for you.”

She just stared between him and the device not really sure what he was getting at. 

“Oh for the - it’s not going to bite you, just answer the phone,” he told her exasperated. 

She rolled her eyes, but took the phone and put it to her ear. “Hello?” she asked, a little sarcastically since she had no idea who it could possibly be on the other end.

“Hey Clarke,” a way too familiar voice greeted her. “I’d like to introduce you to my self-righteous asshole of a brother, Bellamy Blake.”

***

Bellamy watched as her jaw dropped and her eyes widened at whatever it was his sister was saying. To be fair, his face had morphed into a similar expression just a few minutes ago.

He’d put on some history documentary after the two girls went into their house, trying to keep himself from googling to make sure there were no missing kids in the area matching the little girl’s description when his sister had called him. Which was only a little odd, since it was pretty late in Italy, but O had always been a night owl.

He’d pick up the phone hoping nothing was wrong, but was definitely not expecting her to already be yelling at him.

“You giant insanely obtuse - ”

“You want to slow down and maybe let me in on why I’m being insulted? And at least tell me this isn’t an emergency?”

“You know the blonde bombshell that just moved in next door?”

Bellamy frowned, not really sure how to answer that without admitting he’d noticed how pretty she was. 

“I’m going to take your guilty silence as a yes. Now, remember my best friend from college? The one who I was with all the time, stood up to Atom for me when he ghosted me? Taught me to surf? Who I went to Disneyland for the first time with? The _one I talked about all the damn time_?” 

Bellamy sighed and rubbed his forehead. “I don’t know, O, you had a lot of friends and I was kind of halfway around the world at the time.”

Octavia huffed, annoyed that he wasn’t getting it, clearly. “The one Finn was cheating on Raven with?” His face hardened. Yes, he definitely remembered hearing that story. “Remember her name?”

“Claire? I don’t know, Octavia! Stop talking in riddles and just tell me why you’re mad at me!” He reached back in his memories to the conversations they’d had during that time. He was in Thailand at the time, so their conversations were always hurried and O talked so _fast_ , he missed half of what she was saying. Her best friend’s name? It _was_ Claire, right? Wait, maybe Clar - Clara? Clar - “Oh shit. Clarke,” he said with sudden realization. He stood and started pacing. 

Shit, shit, shit.

It finally clicked and he suddenly felt like the giant, insanely obtuse asshole she’d just been calling him. 

Octavia’s best friend, the one he’d never gotten to meet because O had insisted on moving all the way to California _by herself_ to prove her independence or whatever and then he’d ended up being gone for most of her college years. The best friend that Bellamy had indeed heard story after story about… was now his neighbor. The one he’d been a huge jerk towards and had just been half convinced was a kidnapper. 

Yeah, he was definitely going to share his pot roast now. 

“Go over there and give her the phone,” she demanded.

“O, no, okay, I’ll go over later and apologize.”

“Bellamy Blake!”

“Fine,” he huffed. “Hang on, I’m going to - just hang on a sec.” He packed the roast into some tupperware and threw some paper plates and silverware in case she didn’t have any stuff yet. “Okay, I’m going now.”

Then when he had gone over, bag in one hand, phone in the other, she’d almost bowled him right over before he even had a chance to knock. 

And now, he was watching her blue eyes grow bigger as she realized who he was.

“I’m - that’s your brother?!” He watched as Clarke shouted into the phone. “Yeah, yeah, it’s fine,” she huffed, after Octavia had reaffirmed who he was. She shot him a dirty look and he shifted uncomfortably. “We’ll be fine, O, I promise, what’s a little drama right after you move across the country?” Clarke sighed. “I’ll call you tomorrow, okay? Bye… she wants to talk to you again,” Clarke said, holding the phone back to him.

Then it was his turn to sigh. “Hey, O.”

“You be nice, seriously. She’s been through a lot and the only other person she knows in Arkadia is Raven. I won’t be back until summer and I expect you to not have scared her off by the time I get home.” 

“You haven’t talked to her in years, O…” he trailed off, keenly aware that Clarke was listening to his every word. 

“That doesn’t matter. I don’t care, she’s family. And I know how important family is to you, so just… behave, okay?”

“Yeah, I promise.”

“Auntie Clarke, who’s that?!” the little girl demanded, running down the hallway. 

_Auntie?_

“O, I gotta go, I’ll talk to you later.”

“Yeah okay, but - “

“Bye.” He hung up the phone, putting it in his pocket and cleared his throat, trying to force a smile on his face, but this whole situation couldn’t be more awkward.

Clarke narrowed her eyes suspiciously at him before turning and catching the kid in her arms. She smiled and brushed her nose against the girl’s. The little girl hastily brushed her hair out of her eyes. “Hey, kiddo, did you remember to wash your hands?” Clarke asked her.

The little girl rolled her eyes. “Oh my goodness, _yes_!”

“And where did your hair clip go?”

“Left in the bathroom,” the girl replied and Clarke huffed a little at her answer, brushing her hair aside again. It was amusing and endearing and Bellamy felt incredibly out of place. “Who’s that?” she asked again, pointing to Bellamy and Clarke pursed her lips towards him. He could tell she still wasn’t happy he was there, not that he blamed her - he still hadn’t even technically apologized.

“I’m Bellamy, it’s very nice to meet you - ?”

“I’m Madi. And this is my Auntie Clarke.”

“ - Madi. And Auntie Clarke,” he tipped his head and smiled towards her. 

“Just Clarke is fine,” she said curtly. “Madi you remember me talking about my friend Octavia?”

“Yeah, Otava. The funny name,” she said factually and Clarke chuckled.

“Yep, _this_ is her big brother.”

“Ohh! That’s cool. I wish I had a brother.”

Clarke chuckled again. “Yeah, right, you’re silly enough! What would I do with another one?!” Clarke teased, booping her on the nose with her finger. She glanced at him quickly. “Hey, Mads, why don’t you go upstairs to your new room and see which wall you want your mural on, hmm? I’ll be up there soon and we’ll go get dinner in a bit.”

“Okie dokie,” Madi said, waddling and skipping. “Bye Bellamy!”

“ _Mr._ Bellamy, Madi!”

“Right! Whatever.”

“No - ” Clarke tried again, but Madi had run off already. She turned back to him. “I swear, she’s three going on thirteen.”

“It's fine. She reminds me of O at that age actually.”

They fell into a tense, thick silence for a minute. “So anyway, I should probably… did you need something else?” she asked, arms folded, like they were her shield against him.

“Uh, no. Well, actually yes. I brought this, as an apology for being a shitty new neighbor. Pot roast, all the trimmings. I really am sorry.”

She glared at him and for a second he thought she was about to do what he’d been afraid of earlier - completely reject it and slam the door in his face. Then slowly she reached out a hand and he stumbled a bit, shoving it at her. 

“There’s plates and silverware in there too… I wasn’t sure if you guys had much yet…” he trailed off, noticing that was probably the right call since the house was completely empty except a deflated air mattress and a pile of belongings in the middle of the living room.

“Yeah, not really. We’ve mostly been eating fast food and diner stuff on the trip,” she told him, her gaze downward on the bag’s handles.

“Oh well, good then. Okay. I’ll leave you to it.” He rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

“Yeah thanks.”

“A mural, huh?” he tried, internally wincing at Clarke’s guarded expression and he wished he’d have just kept his mouth shut.

“Yeah. Look, I appreciate you coming over here and… this. And the apology - I do accept it by the way. But you know, just because you’re O’s brother doesn’t mean we have to be friends or anything. Madi and I will be fine on our own. The last thing we need is someone pitying us or anything.”

“I’m not - ”

“And despite whatever threats Octavia probably leveled at you, you don’t need to feel obligated to come over here and… whatever. So thanks, we’re good. And we’ll just see you around.” She didn’t seem like she was being mean about it - he got the feeling that she was a straightforward person so if she told him that she forgave him, she probably had. It was more like she was going for a _I’ll keep out of your business if you keep out of mine_ kind of situation.

“Right. Okay. Got it.” He turned to go and hadn't even made the full rotation before the door was shut. He hesitated for another minute and headed towards the fence, walking through the gate between the two properties. It’d been installed before he even bought the house, the previous residents of the two houses had apparently been best friends their whole lives. He’d almost taken it out several times when Sydney had bought it, and her parade of… _difficult_ renters rotated in and out. Maybe he should’ve.

It wasn’t like he was going to be Clarke Griffin’s friend, let alone _best_ friend anytime soon. Especially if she had anything to say about it. 

He was only mildly surprised to find he was disappointed at the thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed it! 
> 
> I can't wait to hear from you all, see you next week!
> 
> If you want to come hang out with me on tumblr and see the moodboard I created for this story (my first one I ever made myself), click [here](https://dayo488.tumblr.com/)!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! You all are SO awesome and I'm so grateful for all the love and support on the previous chapter. Thank you from the bottom of my heart! ❤
> 
> Hope you continue to enjoy!

“Madi, come _on_ ,” Clarke pleaded, hating that she’d allowed herself to be locked out of the girl’s room. She refused to cry, refused to let a three year old break her. “Madi, the movers are here and they need to put your stuff in your room. Don’t you want your stuff from your old home back?”

“NO! I want Mommy and Daddy!”

“Madi… ” she trailed off, voice breaking. Clarke turned and sank to the floor. 

Maybe the three year old would break her after all.

She wasn’t equipped for this. She loved Madi with every fiber of her being, but she wasn’t her mother. Or her father. She needed them and Clarke felt like she would never be enough.

“What were you thinking?” she mumbled to herself, talking to a Wells that wasn’t there anymore. She steeled her emotions. “Madi, sweetie, I know you miss them. I miss them too. We’re in this together, okay? Come on, open the door.”

“No!” Madi shouted again and when a huge thud sounded from somewhere in the room, Clarke started getting legitimately concerned. She’d been torn thus far whether to just give Madi space, but she had no idea what that thud was and she couldn’t just let her get hurt. 

She took a deep breath and took a firmer approach. “Madi, either open this door right now or I will do it myself!” She hoped it would work, she wasn’t even really sure how to break a door down, except what she’d seen in movies. 

“What’s going on?” a familiar voice said and Clarke turned to see Raven standing at the end of the hallway. 

Clarke slumped in relief as they met in the middle and wrapped each other in a hug. “Man am I glad to see you, I am in way over my head. What do you know about children?”

Raven scrunched her nose. “I love ‘em, I don’t know much about ‘em.”

“Right. What about picking locks?”

Raven’s features smoothed out. “Oh yeah I got you covered there.” She pulled a bobby pin out of her ponytail. “Step aside Griffin,” she waved her off.

Clarke did as she was told, fidgeting nervously and shifting from one foot to the other. Not a half minute later, the door swung open.

“Voila!”

Clarke darted into the room, looking around for Madi. Apparently even in an empty space there were still ample places to hide. “Madi, where are you?” she asked worriedly. She heard a soft whimper from over by the window and Clarke slumped. “Ah honey.” She walked over and lifted the lid on the bench. Madi was curled up inside. “Hey baby, come here.” Clarke lifted Madi out and she wrapped her little arms around Clarke’s neck. “Hey, Raven, can you go tell the movers they can bring her stuff in now? I’ll take her out to the back porch for some fresh air.”

“You got it.” Then turning to Madi, “Hey Madi, I’m Raven, I’m super excited to meet you. Your Auntie Clarke has told me so much about you.”

Madi peeked out carefully but was still tightly wrapped around Clarke’s body, clinging to her like a koala. “I like your ponytail,” she said softly. Clarke sniffled and smiled at Raven, who chuckled a little. 

“I like yours too,” Raven said, equally as soft and flipped Madi’s ponytail with her fingers, making the little girl smile and burrow herself back into Clarke. 

“Auntie Clarke doesn’t know how to braid like Mommy or Daddy so I wear ponytails now.”

She didn’t say it to be mean, or angrily like when she had demanded Wells and Glass just a few minutes ago, she said it sadly, resigned. Clarke’s stomach dropped, a punch to her gut at the reminder of yet another way she was second best. Not that she minded being second in this particular instance - it wasn’t a competition and even if it were, Wells and Glass absolutely _should_ be first place for Madi, but still, it definitely stoked the growing feelings of inadequacy. She felt like she was constantly reaching for a bar that she’d never get to and all she wanted was to do the right thing by Madi. 

Raven cocked her head a little in curiosity at whatever expression was on Clarke’s face but Clarke looked away quickly, willing herself to hold it together. 

“Thanks, Raven... seriously,” she told her softly, walking out of the room and down the stairs, giving control over the furniture to Raven. For all intents and purposes, she hardly knew the woman - was friends with her years ago, on occasion, but it wasn’t hard to see that Raven could be trusted and wanted to help. It felt like Clarke had known her forever. 

It was chilly, but at least it wasn’t frigid like the day before. She quickly grabbed a blanket anyway off the top of the box she’d been unpacking downstairs when the movers had informed her that Madi had barricaded herself in the bedroom and made their way outside.

She was grateful the movers had already unpacked her patio set - just a couple of armchairs and a small end table between them, as that was all that would fit on her small apartment’s balcony in California. Clarke quickly added a larger patio table to the never ending list in her mind for the summer so they could eat outside. She plopped them down heavily in one of the chairs and covered her and Madi with the blanket. She kept the little girl close, letting her burrow in as close as she needed.

“Okay. How are you doing, sweet girl? You want to talk about it?” When Madi didn't answer, she pulled the blanket up over their heads. “What about now? Now it’s just you and me in the world.”

Madi slowly started untangling herself from Clarke’s neck and while she shook her head at first, after a second she started talking anyway. “I miss Mommy and Daddy.”

“Me too,” Clarke agreed, willing her voice not to crack, though it did anyway. 

“Do you think they would be mad we moved? I don’t want them to be mad in heaven.”

Clarke smiled. “No, I don’t think so. They’d want us to make a home of our own, meet new people, have new adventures. Do you remember that your daddy and I grew up on this side of the country?” Madi nodded. She’d been told stories about their childhoods since forever. “So really, it’s like I’m bringing you home, to a place your Daddy loved. Your Mommy loved it too, she used to come with us for visits all the time. And they both _loved_ this side of the country. We always talked about moving back and living in a small town like this.”

It was true, all three of them didn’t really like California. It was fun while it lasted, the sun, the sand, warmth and an actual warm ocean to learn to swim in was a welcome break from the chilly Northeast where they’d lived most of their lives. But still, California was never meant to last for them - the East was home and where they wanted to return to one day. 

Sure, Clarke had hoped to be married or at least serious about someone, maybe have a child of her own or whatever. She loved her students at the schools, loved watching their eyes light up when they learned a new technique or found the art medium that spoke to them and she loved getting to be a part of that. And it wasn’t that she knew a ton about kids, but she wanted to learn. 

Now, she was effectively a single mother - guardian - _person_ , in a town where she knew a grand total of one person and she had no idea what she was doing. 

And just when she was about to open her mouth again, say something, _anything_ , that would erase the sorrowful look on that sweet little face, Madi reached up to Clarke’s face and squeezed her cheeks, a smile that stretched from ear to ear now on her lips. 

“I love you, Auntie Clarke.” 

“Oh sweet girl, I love you too,” Clarke responded, letting the tears fall a little more freely now that they were tears of relief instead of desperation. “It’s okay to miss your Mom and Dad, okay? We’ll miss them together, sound good? Whenever you’re sad or want to talk about them, you come to me and we’ll do it together. But no more locking yourself in your room please? I was worried.”

Madi nodded and Clarke barely caught the mischievous twinkle in her eye before she removed her little hands from Clarke’s face and moved them to her side, digging her fingers in the ticklish spot in Clarke’s ribs. 

Clarke shrieked and Madi giggled, and soon they were wrestling under the blanket, laughing so hard they were both in tears. 

“And what in the world is going on out here?” she heard Raven tease from the doorway.

“Sshh! Maybe she won’t know we’re here and we scare her!” Madi said conspiratorially, her finger at her lips. 

“Okay, okay,” Clarke said, smiling and mirroring Madi’s finger on her own lips. 

“Oh man, I could’ve _sworn_ they were out here. I was really hoping to find someone to tickle. Maybe a little girl with brown hair and blue eyes…”

“BOO!” Madi screeched and darted off Clarke’s lap to chase after Raven. “You better run Miss Raven!” she hollered. The two of them chased Raven around the yard, not even the slightest bit cold anymore.

***

Bellamy heard a shout and almost fell out of his chair at the kitchen table. He still had another week before heading back to work, but he wanted to get a head start just to make sure he had all his ducks in a row. Middle schoolers could be brutal and their time would be better spent together if their teacher was prepared.

But he heard the scream and he scrambled up and out to where he’d heard the noise. It hadn’t exactly been a quiet day, especially after lunch when the giant moving van had gotten to the house next door. He didn’t bother going out to greet Clarke or Madi, he knew that Clarke was still pretty apprehensive of him and he didn’t want to make things worse as she was trying to move all their stuff in. And he’d heard Raven’s bike pull up a little while ago so he didn’t want to interrupt.

There were a bunch of questions he had that he was still curious about his new neighbors, but really it was none of his business, he reminded himself for the hundredth time that day. Madi had called Clarke _Auntie_ , but there’d been no indication that anyone other than the two of them were moving in. Maybe the girl's parents would be moving in later. 

Bellamy threw open his patio door and stumbled over the transition strip in his haste, stumbling heavy footed onto the porch. He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw the three chasing each other through the backyard on the other side of the fence. A smile started to form at the sight but the most he allowed himself was a small smirk, not wanting to seem like a creep. The shouting wasn’t trouble, it was laughter. Raven currently had Madi upside down, tickling her stomach. 

“Raven! Let’s get Auntie!”

“You got it munchkin - let’s get her!” She swung her up and around in her arms and they chased Clarke who darted as quickly as she could around the yard, her blonde waves getting caught in her face so much that Bellamy didn’t know how she could possibly see where she was going. Her smile was wide and carefree and he was so lost in his head that he didn’t even notice her suddenly stop in her tracks when she noticed him, all flushed cheeks and wild hair.

“Hey,” she breathed, out of breath and he sort of hated how her smile fell when she looked at him..

“Uh, hi, sorry, I heard screaming,” he explained lamely, rubbing the back of his neck. 

“It’s called laughing, Blake,” Raven smirked at him. 

“Hilarious Reyes. Sorry,” he said again, hating how flustered he sounded for no reason. He had to get this language thing under control at some point. “How’s the move in going?”

“Fine. Except I apparently need a new door knob for Madi’s room - one without a lock. At least until she’s older,” Clarke rolled her eyes. 

He chuckled. “Yeah, O used to lock me out all the time… do you need any help?” he offered. “I can - ”

“No, that’s alright,” she interjected, turning him down. He’d expected her to do that, but he wanted to offer anyway. “I’ll run to town tomorrow or in a couple days maybe.” They weren’t friends, might never be anything more than neighbors who said hello politely as they retrieved their mail, but he wanted her to know he was at least _willing_ to help if she needed anything. 

“Of course. Well… I’m glad they were fun screams, I’ll just leave you ladies be.” 

“Bye Mr. Bellamy!” Madi smiled at him in Raven’s arms.

“Bye, Madi,” he smiled back and went back inside. “Raven... Princess,” he smirked at Clarke, unable to resist. He’d said it rudely the day before and he may be overstepping now, but while he felt guilty for the awkwardness that now existed between the two of them, he knew the best way to overcome any of it was just to be himself. To joke around with her like he would anyone else.

“He called you a princess Auntie!”

“Yeah, I heard him Mads,” Clarke responded, not breaking her stare at him.

Bellamy turned to smile at Madi again. “Well, she looks like one, don’t you think?” he asked the little girl, and he saw Madi nod furiously in agreement. 

“Flattery will get you nowhere,” Clarke told him, but there was something more than annoyance in her tone, more of a challenge and if he wasn’t mistaken, the corner of her lips twitched a little. Maybe she’d thaw towards him eventually after all. Raven bit her lip behind her, clearing trying to stifle a chuckle.

He walked back inside, careful to step over the threshold _without_ tripping that time, and sat back down at his table, putting his forehead down on the table in frustration. 

He couldn’t figure out what exactly his problem was and strictly speaking, he shouldn’t _want_ anything to do with her. Regardless of his guilt for being an ass the day before, she was still a renter of Sydney’s, and it was _better_ that they weren’t on good terms. The other shoe would drop eventually and it was probably best not to get attached.

He had enough friends and didn’t need anymore anyway. And with that thought, he picked up his phone and called Murphy.

“Hey man what’s up, thought you were working on lesson plans?” Murphy said when he picked up.

“Yeah, that’s not happening. Beer and pizza?”

Murphy chuckled. “Yep. It’s pretty slow tonight so Monroe can handle things on this end and Emori’s got the bar. You have beer?”

“I’m going to pretend that was a rhetorical question.”

“Right. Okay, well, obviously I’ll bring the pizza. We actually just got a call a little bit ago from Rae demanding her usual order to be delivered to the house next to yours, so I’ll drop that one off first and head over after.”

Looks like he and Raven had the same idea for dinner, but that shouldn’t be too much of surprise considering the size of the town and Murphy’s pizza is practically legendary. 

“So… since when did Raven start cozying up to a renter of Sydney’s? Should we be worried?” Murphy asked, concern leaking into his tone. Murphy knew more than most what Raven had been through as a child, having grown up next to her.

“No, I don’t think so? Actually O knows the woman renting it from college. I think her parents are more who Sydney would be more focused on. I don’t know.”

Murphy just hummed.

“Spit it out, Murphy. What?”

“Is she cute?”

Bellamy rolled his eyes. “You’re married.”

“That's not who I was asking for. And you know that. It’s been a while, Blake.” Even through the phone, Bellamy could practically see the shameless smile his friend was wearing. 

“I’m not answering that question.”

Murphy cackled. “So that’s a yes. Alright, I’ll have Emori pick out a bottle of wine to add to the order and say it’s from you.”

“Murphy don’t you dare. I’m already on her bad side.”

“Ohh that sounds like a good story… and if you really did make that shitty of a first impression, then a bottle of wine will _definitely_ do the trick.”

“Murphy…” Bellamy warned. This was the last thing he needed. Clarke would probably just throw it away anyway.

“No, no, it’s fine. I gotcha, man.”

Before Bellamy could retort again, Murphy hung up. So he busied himself with getting extra beer out of the fridge in the garage and transferring it inside, and gathering up his lesson plans so they’d have a place to eat, even though they’d most likely land in the living room anyway. Murphy was a good friend, one of his best, but he was still a bit of a wrecking ball and Bellamy didn’t need his school paperwork to take the brunt of it.

An hour later, Murphy came barging through the door, a pizza in hand and a shit-eating grin on his face. Bellamy looked over his shoulder from his place on the couch, pausing the documentary he’d been watching. 

“What?” he asked his friend warily. 

Murphy just shook his head, plopping the pizza on the coffee table and heading to the kitchen, chuckling as he went. “You, my friend, are _so screwed_ ,” he called.

“I didn’t ask for your opinion, thanks…” he mumbled, knowing Murphy probably couldn't even hear him.

A few minutes later, Murphy entered and sat heavily next to Bellamy handing him one of the beers from Bellamy’s fridge. “Did you meet her kid? She’s cute.”

“Madi isn’t _her_ kid, though I don’t really know what the story is, but yeah. She’s sweet,” he shrugged, biting into one of his slices.

“Emori got me good the other night. About having kids. She tried to freak me out by telling me she wasn’t allowed to drink when I set out a beer for her. It was a joke, she’s not pregnant, and we laughed it off, but I - I don’t know. I don’t think it was _that_ much of a joke, you know? Like she was more wanting to see what my reaction would be.” Murphy’s tone was nonchalant, but Bellamy knew what a big deal it would be for Murphy to have a kid of his own. He grew up on the… _underprivileged_ side of town like the Blakes and the Reyeses. After his dad passed, Murphy’s mom turned to booze and drugs and basically anything that would allow her to check out of the world. It’s how he and Raven became friends - both were kids of addicts. 

Bellamy’s eyebrows raised up so far on his forehead he was sure they’d hit his hairline. “Kids? John Murphy?” he smirked, teasing. Then more serious, he added, “What’d you say? Do you want kids?”

“I about choked and died, man, what else? I’m not meant to be a dad,” Murphy deflected, rolling his eyes, but his tone was soft.

“You didn’t answer my second question,” Bellamy prodded, earning him a signature Murphy glare. Anyone else might be intimidated, but Bellamy had been on the receiving end of those looks long enough to stop being shaken by them.

“I’m not drunk enough for this conversation.”

“You can’t avoid it forever,” Bellamy pointed out. “And besides, you brought it up,” 

“Yeah, only because your hot new neighbor has one.”

“Whatever…” Bellamy shook his head, letting the subject be done for the time being, knowing you couldn’t really push Murphy into anything until he was ready for it. Which was probably what Emori’s goal had been by introducing the subject of kids without putting her husband on the spot. He took a long swig of beer. “Clarke take the wine?” he asked before he could stop himself.

Murphy’s smug look was back. “She did. But only after she scowled at me and Raven gave her a look. I don’t think she likes you very much.”

“Yeah that’s an understatement. It’s fine though. There’s no rule that says she has to get along with her neighbor,” Bellamy asserted. “I apologized for being an ass. If she doesn’t want anything more than just polite indifference, what does it matter to me?”

“True, true. Except it does. You hate it when you aren’t liked.”

Bellamy rolled his eyes. “Yeah. No. I don’t care, really.”

Murphy stared him down, like he was trying to figure something out. There wasn’t anything to figure out, really. Bellamy meant what he said. If they didn’t become friends, what did it matter? She had her life and he had his. They probably didn’t have much in common anyway. Why try to force something that wasn’t there? Especially since she was tangled up, even if it was unwittingly, with Sydney.

The clearer he stayed from her the better. Besides, they’d probably never see or run into each other outside their properties, even if she was friends with Raven. Maybe the grocery store, but he highly doubted that she’d just all of a sudden be everywhere. Which suited him fine.  
It was fine. Really. He didn’t care. 

Murphy snorted, coming to some conclusion, apparently. “Yeah, we’ll see.”

***

The week went on well enough. Clarke and Madi spent the rest of winter break arranging the house exactly the way they wanted. Or rather, the way Madi wanted. This was her home now, _Clarke_ was her home, and she wanted that little girl to feel as if she had even the tiniest bit of control. So when she decided that the couch should face the wall instead of the TV or that her bed would be best smack dab in the middle of her bedroom, or that the microwave would get the most use on the kitchen table instead of the counter, that’s exactly where those things went.

And while it may have made Clarke’s life a little more inconvenient when she tripped over the lamp in the kitchen, repeatedly, or the coffee table on her way out the door, Madi took great amounts of pride in the fact that she’d gotten to help decide where things would go.

At least for now. Clarke was pretty sure she'd be able to talk her out of at least a few of those things eventually. Especially when Madi realized she wouldn’t be able to watch her cartoons or movies with the couch like that. But Clarke could put up with it for a little while longer. 

Clarke was starting school the next day, but for now, she and Madi were at the store, shopping for paint for Madi’s mural, which the three year old decided should be a field of wildflowers. She wanted purple flowers, green grass, and a blue sky with a big yellow sun. Madi had been so excited when describing it to Clarke.

And Clarke was happy to do it, excited along with Madi. She had painted the mural at Madi’s last home, at Wells’s and Glass’s request, what Earth would look like from outer space. It’d been a bit of a challenge, considering she’d never been to outerspace, but with enough research she thought it had come out okay. They made sure to take a ton of pictures before leaving it behind. 

But a field of wildflowers? Yeah, she’d been to one or two of those. She was excited to try to get the opportunity to capture the warmth of the sun and the tickle of the blades of grass and the scent of the flowers wafting through the breeze. 

It was a painting, and she knew obviously that you couldn’t actually feel any of those things, but maybe, if she got it _just right_ , Madi would feel the sense of peace that came with the warmth, the tickle, the scent, the breeze.

So that was how, on a lazy Sunday afternoon she and her three year old ended up wandering through the paint aisle, trying to find the perfect shades of colors to match Madi’s vision.

It’d been a great week, they’d settled in nicely, seen Raven a couple of times, which was great. They’d only ever known each other casually, so it was kind of like making a new friend, but they got along really well and despite what she’d said that day about not knowing anything about children, she was fabulous with Madi, who adored her right back. 

Well, she adored Raven _and_ Raven’s motorcycle. Madi had already asked several times to go for a ride, much to Raven’s amusement. Clarke had to put her foot down on that one for the time being.

She hadn’t met many other people, though she had met the infamous Murphy once when he dropped off their pizza and a bottle of wine that was apparently a gift from Bellamy, and then again when she went to eat at the pizza parlor just her and Madi. That was also the time she met Emori, Murphy’s wife. She was edgy, but kind, and had a Shirley Temple for Madi and a whiskey and coke for Clarke plopped down in front of them barely two minutes after they’d sat down. She wasn’t even sure how Emori knew that was her favorite drink.

Murphy had tried poking and prodding, looking for why she was mad at Bellamy and while she’d been mildly annoyed at the questions, she was mostly curious as to why it meant so much to him. Clearly they were friends, _old_ friends from what she was able to gather, but that didn’t mean much to her. Bellamy was Octavia’s _brother_ and still, she wasn’t planning on him being any more than just a neighbor to her. 

Raven had just rolled her eyes when she found out they weren’t on good terms, though it also wasn’t like they were on awful terms either. It just was what it was, yet everyone seemed to have a vested interest in it.

Clarke couldn’t get what he’d said about Diana Sydney out of her head and wondered more than once over the last week if he was right - if she’d only rented to Clarke because of her parents. And that worried her to no end.

She knew Eligus was a powerful company, one that was dead set on changing the world through science with Jake being one of their top engineers, but what would Sydney want with a company like that? And did she really think Clarke had any sway or knowledge over the top secret dealings at a company like that? She was an art teacher. More than likely, Bellamy was just being overly paranoid. 

But she’d accepted the wine, mostly because Raven had pointed out that they didn’t have any, and because she truly didn’t _want_ to be antagonistic towards her new neighbor, even if she didn’t have any interest in him.

Though, that wasn’t _entirely_ true. She’d have to be blind to not feel _something_ at the way his forearms flexed when he crossed his arms, or the innumerable freckles on the tanned face that was way too easy on the eyes, or the curly mop of dark hair that was almost always unkempt in the few times she’d seen him this week. She’d yet to see him really smile, except at Madi and she somehow knew that would _not_ be a great image to keep seeing over and over in her mind. 

So, all in all, it’d been a good week and Clarke was actually _excited_ about the next day. Madi would get to play with Hope Diyoza at the school’s in-house daycare. She was a little nervous that Madi would have a hard time being separated from Clarke after all she’d been through, but she’d been talking it up all week so she hoped it wouldn't be too awful of an experience for her. Principal Diyoza seemed understanding of the situation so it'd just be a learning curve for all of them. 

The fact that it’d been a great week should have alerted her to the fact that it wouldn’t stay like that. She was never quite that lucky.

“Clarke?!” a familiar voice asked incredulously from behind her, and she hated that she'd know that voice anywhere.

“Auntie, who’s that?” Madi asked from the seat in the cart.

Clarke figured she’d run into him eventually. It was his hometown and Arkadia wasn’t exactly a bustling metropolis. Raven had already warned her that he still lived here.

Still, she wished she’d been able to avoid him a _little_ longer. Or completely.

Not exactly ignoring Madi, she spun around and responded, “Finn. Uh, yeah, it’s me. We just moved to Arkadia.”

“Wow, how kismet, seriously this is so great,” he exclaimed, moving in for a hug that she didn’t quite return, but didn’t push him away either. Kismet her ass. “I mean, what’re you up to? You didn't move to our sleepy little town for me, did you?” he tried to tease awkwardly. Clarke could tell he was trying to be charming, but it just came off a little smarmy. Especially considering their history.

“No, no. Just looking for a change of scenery for me and Madi.”

His eyes then turned to Madi, who was looking at him curiously. She absently took a step in front of the girl, though she wasn’t sure _why_. Finn wasn’t doing anything wrong, necessarily.

“You have a daughter? Wow, I mean I knew that you - well, you’ll make a great mother.”

She narrowed her eyes at him, not quite sure what he’’d meant by that, despite his incorrect assumption. 

“Actually this is my Auntie Clarke,” Madi corrected him with an attitude. She was glaring at him. 

Clarke swallowed the lump in her throat. “Uh, yeah. You remember Wells? Madi was his, he passed away last year.”

Finn reached out and put a hand on her arm. His touch was like ice, and she swore the blood in her veins froze. She had no idea why her body was reacting this way to him, but she was struck with the overwhelming need to get out of there. “I’m so sorry, Clarke. Please let me know if I can do anything. Wells was - he was a good guy.”

Clarke cleared her throat. “Yeah, he was,” she agreed, trying to shake him off. But Finn’s hand remained stubbornly where it was.

“Hey, I got the cereal you and Madi wanted, the one with the marshmallows. I still don’t think - ” another voice began, joining the conversation from around the aisle. The relief that washed through Clarke at Bellamy’s sudden appearance was unexpected, but compared to the panic that had seized her just a moment ago, she welcomed it. “Oh, Finn. Hey man, long time no see.”

“Bellamy! Bellamy! Bellamy!” Madi squealed. Finn released Clarke like he’d just been burned, turning to glare at the newcomer. Clarke didn't even bother correctly Madi's missing _Mr._ when referring to Bellamy.

He came up next to Clarke, stepping a little closer than their non-existent relationship really warranted, but Clarke was surprised to find that she didn’t mind, and she could already feel her anxiety levels ebbing now that it wasn’t just her, Finn, and Madi alone in the back of a store. He hesitated a little, like he was unsure of whether he was crossing a line, but she shifted towards him to let him know she wanted him to stay.

“Hey, Mads! Did you, uh - ” he started, glancing briefly in their cart at the cans of paint as he put the box of Lucky Charms in. “ - find the colors you girls wanted?”

“Yeah! Auntie Clarke let me pick out THREE shades of purple for the flowers!”

“Wow,” he remarked, smiling at her and then turning to Clarke, he held her gaze for a moment before nodding slightly and she gave him an appreciative smile before he turned his attention to Finn, straightening up. She wasn’t sure how much he’d seen or heard, but she knew he was doing this for her benefit, somehow having sensed that she wasn’t comfortable with Finn. She almost forgot that they would have a history too, since he was so close to O and Raven.

“Bellamy. What’re you doing here? You know Clarke, I see?” Finn gritted out and Clarke was a little more pleased than she probably should've been as his annoyance.

“Yeah, we’re neighbors, actually. She’s painting a mural in Madi’s room and I was headed to the store anyway, so I told her we should just go together.”

“How nice of you,” Finn remarked coldly.

“And we really should get going. Madi is going to want dinner soon,” she added, touching Bellamy’s arm lightly to pull his attention to her. He looked down at her and nodded. 

“Right. Well, Clarke, I’m around, if you ever want to, you know, _catch up_ ,” he said, winking not so subtly and she glanced quickly over at Madi to see how much she was paying attention to and at the same time she could practically feel the tension rolling off Bellamy in waves. Madi was happily playing with the Jasmine doll in her seat, not paying any attention to Finn, not that he'd said anything she would’ve understood. 

“I don’t think so,” she told him dismissively. Finn narrowed his eyes at her and stepped forward a little bit. Clarke saw him reach out a hand towards her arm, but apparently thought better of it when Bellamy stiffened next to her. He said nothing, but turned towards Madi and started talking to her about the different colors of paints.

“You know, I know you’re new to town, and probably don’t know many people, but I’d be careful before trusting this one. You could do _so much better_ than this guy,” he told her, tossing his head in Bellamy’s direction. She caught a glimpse of Bellamy rolling his eyes.

“I think I can make that decision all on my own. Bye Finn.” She turned back towards Madi and the cart, seeing that Bellamy had a hold of it already.

“Ready?” he asked, with an eyebrow raised and a glance back at Finn, who was looking at the paint brushes sullenly.

“Hmm mmm,” Clarke affirmed and she shook her head to clear her mind and smiled at Madi, tucking a brown tress behind her ear. “I just want to get out of here,” she mumbled and he nodded.

Once they were around the corner, she felt her shoulders relax. They headed towards the checkout, every inch of space they continued to put between them and Finn helped to shake Clarke out of the mood he’d put her in. 

“Lucky Charms, huh?” she teased, knocking into his shoulder and giving him a small smirk.

“I love Lucky Charms!” Madi piped in, eliciting a small chuckle from both Bellamy and Clarke. 

“I do too, kiddo,” Bellamy agreed, booping her on the nose and making her giggle.

They got to the checkstand and he moved to grab the box out of the cart. “Wait, let me get that for you, it’s the least I can do,” she offered.

He looked at her with a confused look on his face. “It wasn’t a big deal, Clarke, really. I was grabbing something one aisle over and overheard a little bit. You seemed - ” he glanced at Madi who wasn’t paying attention. “ - not thrilled. I hope I didn’t overstep.”

“You didn’t. Thanks again,” she said quietly. She didn’t know how much he knew about what had happened with Finn, certainly at least enough to dislike the man, and Clarke knew that he had probably heard some about it from Raven way back when. The air was thick, both not really sure what to say.

“Auntie Clarke! Bellamy! What’s for dinner? Oh my goodness, I’m hunnngry!” Madi complained, breaking the tension and they all chuckled. “Pizza! I wanna see Murphy! He’s funny.”

Bellamy let out a louder bark of laughter, and Clarke found that she was right when she had mused on it earlier - his genuine smile really was something. “She’s met Murph, hmm?”

Clarke smiled as well, praying that her pale skin wasn’t pink. “She has, and is utterly fascinated by him,” she chuckled.

“Aren’t we all.”

“Madi, I’m sure Bellamy has dinner plans already. And we seriously have had pizza like three times already and we’ve only been here just over a week.”

Bellamy turned away a little, lowering his voice so Madi wouldn’t hear him. “I mean, you two are welcome to do your own thing, but I _don’t_ have any plans actually.”

Clarke sighed. Any reasons she’d had for keeping her distance from the man next door were slowly fading away. He’d misjudged her, apologized, and been nothing but kind ever since. And Madi seemed to like him. It wouldn’t be awful to have someone that lived so close as a friend… or at least a casual acquaintance. 

“Okay. Pizza it is!” Clarke announced and Madi squealed.

“You sure it’s okay if I come with?” Bellamy asked.

“You want to ask again and see?” she challenged. “Something you’ll learn about me real quick, I say what I mean. If I say it’s okay, you don’t have to double check,” she informed him, but she made sure to add a smile and a nod in there so he didn’t take it too aggressively.

“Got it,” he replied with a smirk. “You’re not one of those weirdos that puts pineapple on their pizza though, right?” he asked as Clarke finished paying for her cart.

“Hey! That just makes it _healthy_ pizza,” she countered. Because she very much did like pineapple on her pizza.

Bellamy snorted. “Hate to break it to you, Princess. There’s not really such a thing as _healthy_ pizza.” Clarke scoffed as they headed towards their cars. 

“Whatever. Fine, a compromise: I’ll settle with half pineapple, and you can have half - ?”

“BBQ chicken,” he finished for her. 

Clarke sighed. “And you call _me_ a weirdo.” She rolled her eyes. “Madi agrees with me though, dontcha Mads?” she asked the little girl as she strapped her in her carseat. Madi always turned her Hawaiian pizza down, but she hoped she'd back her up anyway. “Pineapple is _delicious_ on pizza, right?”

Madi scrunched her nose and shook her head. “No pineapple!” 

Clarke hung her head. 

“Cool kid,” Bellamy teased. “I’ll see you there?” he asked, walking backwards away from them towards his truck a row away his lucky charms in his arms..

“Yeah, yeah. I’m starting to regret inviting you though!” she called out after him.

\-----------------------------

An hour later, Carke leaned back in her spot on her couch. They had ended up deciding to take it back to Clarke’s house, since Murphy’s was pretty busy. “I am seriously stuffed, that was so delicious. I'm beginning to understand why O would want this shipped all the way to Italy for her,” she remarked, watching Madi play with her dolls on the floor as Bellamy laughed at her comment. After debating back and forth for way longer than they should’ve over toppings on the pie, they’d managed to talk Murphy into making a pizza with ¼ pineapple, ¼ BBQ chicken, ¼ pepperoni, and the last ¼ cowboy.

Murphy had made fun of them mercilessly for the variety, but Emori had smacked him and told him that they were friends and friends get whatever topping they want. They were a quirky couple, but Clarke instantly saw how well they worked together. 

Wells and Glass had been a little like that. So incredibly different, but their differences were what worked for them. Clarke loved seeing how their personalities had affected Madi, Wells especially, since he wasn’t her biological father. 

She realized that she must’ve been staring at Madi with some weird look on her face because when she turned back to Bellamy, he had on a curious expression. They’d been getting along fine, if not a _little_ awkwardly but they stayed away from anything too personal. She still had no idea what he did for work. She noticed that over the last week he’d been home most of the days. Maybe he worked out of his house. They talked about Octavia, mostly, how she was liking Italy, what her plans were when she was through with her assignment. 

“You never asked me how I have Madi,” she stated softly, turning back to look at the three year old, now coloring happily on the kids menu that Murphy had sent with them, not paying attention to their conversation.

“It isn’t any of my business,” he told her. She turned back to look at him, trying to figure out what to say.

She wasn’t entirely sure if she could trust him still, knew next to nothing about him, but Octavia loved him and Murphy and Raven both seemed to trust him, so maybe she could give him a shot. And it wasn’t like her instincts were screaming at her to run like they were with Finn. It was just the opposite, actually. Having the two of them side by side back at the store, they couldn’t be more different. Her instincts regarding the two of them couldn’t have been more different either.

“We have an early day tomorrow, I’ll be right back, I’m going to put her to bed.”

“I can leave, if you’d like?”

Clarke shook her head. “It’s fine, I’ll only be like ten minutes.” She furrowed her brows and added, “Unless you’d rather go?”

He bit his lip. “I can stay a while longer. Take your time.”

Getting Madi to bed definitely ended up taking longer than ten minutes, but Bellamy was still on the armchair, scrolling through his phone when she came back down. He looked up and smiled at her reappearance. 

“Everything go okay?”

“Yeah, I just have to sing her like a million verses of _You Are My Sunshine_ ,” Clarke chuckled to herself. “Then _she_ has to sing it to _me_ , which, if I’m honest, is pretty damn cute.”

He smiled wide. “I remember Octavia at that age. I was eight. She was so obstinate,” he told Clarke, rolling his eyes. 

“So, about par for the course for her,” Clarke teased.

He laughed. “Yeah, pretty much. She loved singing. Loved hearing _me_ sing, despite that fact that I can’t carry a tune. For her, it was _A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes_ from Cinderella. She wouldn’t go to sleep without it.”

“And you call me a Princess,” she remarked, an eyebrow quirked. He smiled shyly and dropped his gaze.

She nodded towards him and sat back down across from him in her spot on the couch. Clarke remembered Octavia didn’t like talking about her childhood much, and Clarke knew that it was a sore subject she was still coming to terms with. What she hadn’t remembered until that moment though, was the way she spoke about her brother. O adored Bellamy and used to talk about him like he was her hero. 

So maybe it was that recollection that made Clarke finally speak up. She took a deep breath. “Madi’s parents were my best friends,” she told him, willing her voice to remain steady, even though she could feel her chest start to tremble with emotion. He seemed to sense that talking about it was hard for her, because he remained silent, not asking any questions and letting her take the lead. She picked at a loose thread on the couch. “Wells and I grew up together, in New York. Went to college together in California, where we met Glass. Wells - he _loved_ Glass with everything in him. She took a little longer to realize she loved him too though. She actually fell for this other guy in our class first, Glen. He left her just after she found out she was pregnant. He wanted nothing to do with Madi, so he signed his rights away and not long after we found out he died in a car accident, high as a kite.”

Bellamy nodded his head and gave her an encouraging smile. Clarke had never cared for Glen. He partied too hard, treated Glass with indifference, except when it suited him, and she’d had to talk Wells down on more than one occasion when Glass would call them in tears. But Glass refused to do anything about the pregnancy, choosing instead to love and raise Madi on her own. 

“Wells and I were both there for her completely, but Wells - he never left her side, but he also never asked for more. I think that’s what did it for Glass. His love for her with no expectations, no conditions. They were together before Madi was even born. That was one of the best days of my life.”

“I think I remember Octavia talking about a friend of hers who’d had a baby.”

“Yeah, O was there too, she was really sweet and helpful. She’s the one who took Madi’s baby pictures. We’d all graduated by then, but she came anyway between her travels to take the pictures.”

Bellamy cocked his head. “I think she sent me some, actually. She was really proud of that.” He chuckled. “Who knew three years later I’d actually get to meet that baby.”

“Yeah, life is weird that way,” she agreed absently. “Anyway, obviously Wells is her father, in every way that counts.”

“Of course.”

“They passed away last year, another fucking car accident.” Tears started pricking the corner of her eyes. “We lost them both at once. Madi was already with me, I was watching her so Wells and Glass could have a date night. The next week I found out that Wells and Glass had left her to me.”

“Wow. That’s… a lot.”

“I love that little girl and I’d do anything for her.” Clarke told him firmly. It hadn’t even been a question for her.

“She’s lucky to have you.”

“Hmm,” she sort of agreed, mainly because it was the polite thing to do. Clarke wasn’t quite as convinced, still worried that she’d never be enough and Wells and Glass would be looking down on her in disappointment. 

He bit his lip and cringed a little, peaking Clarke’s curiosity at what was on his mind. “Look, about Finn…” he trailed off and Clarke sucked in a breath.

“I was caught off guard. I knew he lived here still, Raven had told me that much, I just didn’t expect to see him right then.”

“Right. Well, Raven… I don’t know what I should tell you or not, you should probably talk to her, but just keep an eye out, okay?”

It was cryptic, and a weird thing for him to say considering she and Finn only had a few months together forever ago. Finn was overly friendly and was clearly hitting on her in front of Bellamy and a three year old, but she could handle that, now that she was expecting it. 

“Um, thanks. I don’t really have plans to see that asshole again, but if I run into him, I’ll be better prepared, I think. I can handle Finn Collins.”

“Of course you can, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to imply otherwise,” he asserted quickly. “I shouldn’t have brought it up. It’s not my place.” He looked hesitant all of a sudden. “It’s not like we’re fr - anyway, I’ll leave you to the rest of your evening. You’ve got an early morning, you said.” He stood and Clarke stood with him, trying to not look disappointed that it ended so abruptly. 

Because she hadn’t realized how much time had passed and how weirdly uncomfortable she was with Bellamy. Especially for someone who _just that morning_ she had no plans of getting to know. But now? 

Now she thought _maybe_ they could actually be friends. And even through her bluster about taking care of herself, it was pretty.... nice that he was concerned. 

“Sure. Thanks again for tonight. I actually had fun.”

His lips turned up in a little half smile. “Don’t sound so surprised, Princess. I can be fun.”

“Hmm… well, I guess we will have to see about that.” She opened the door for him. “I pegged you more for the grouchy, cranky kind.”

“Well, I can be that too,” he joked. “Good night, Clarke.”

He didn’t look back, and neither did she after the door was shut. But when she walked into the kitchen to clean up, finding that he apparently already had while she was putting Madi to bed, she found herself chuckling to herself and realizing that the man next door might have actually weaseled his way into being a friend. 

That was something she was surprised to find that she was definitely _not_ disappointed about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, new characters!
> 
> Some good... some NOT so good.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed it, and I'll see you all next Friday! Stay safe and healthy everyone ❤
> 
> Come hang out on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/dayo488) with me!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I posted on tumblr last night about this being a little late, but in case you didn't see it, I'm really sorry! I could list all the crazy stuff going on this week, but really, it's just life. I'll try to do better next week and get it out on Friday as planned.
> 
> I'm super enjoying this story and I hope you are too! Thanks for all the awesome words of support and encouragment, love you all!
> 
> ❤

Clarke put her car in reverse, pulling out of the driveway probably a little quicker than she should’ve, in all honesty. She mentally berated herself for not being more careful as she stopped abruptly at the end of the sidewalk when another car crossed behind her. 

“Are we late, Auntie Clarke?” Madi asked from the backseat. The little girl had taken forever picking out her outfit to meet Hope in, insisting on the gray winter coat Glass had gotten her on clearance last winter. Madi had been itching to wear it, but she hadn’t been big enough until now. The problem was that it was at the very bottom of box Clarke hadn’t found time to go through yet. But she didn’t have the heart to tell her no. She made a note to pick out clothes the night before next time so this didn’t happen again. But it was pretty important to Madi so to Clarke it was worth a couple extra minutes this particular morning. 

As for Clarke, she’d decided on something simple, a flannel dress with a belt and black leggings with boots and her hair tamed half up half down. Her father’s watch sat on her wrist, a college graduation gift.

“No, sweetie, we're not late, we’re just…. in a bit of hurry,” Clarke sighed. Which was… mostly true. Teachers weren’t required to be at the school for another hour, but there was paperwork to finish filling out and she still had to get Madi settled in _and_ she needed to make sure she actually knew where her classroom was. The last thing she needed was a bunch of middle schoolers giving her attitude for being late. 

“Oh my goodness,” Madi sighed back and Clarke tried to bite back her chuckle. 

Twenty minutes later she pulled into the school lot and she and Madi rushed in the front doors, her purse and bookbag falling off her shoulder as she worked to keep Madi on her hip. Madi of course wanted to walk herself, but Clarke didn’t want to be later than they already were. She could see Principal Diyoza was in the main office at one of the desks, Hope on her own hip, as she directed the school’s secretary to do something. 

“Princip - !” Clarke began, but Diyoza escaped into her own office, seemingly not hearing her. Clarke sighed and shifted Madi. 

“Auntie! Did you see the little girl?” Madi asked excitedly pointing in the direction of the principal’s office.

“Yeah I did, sweet girl. Okay, sit here for a second while I talk to this nice lady, okay?” She set Madi down on one of the seats in the main office and straightened up, smoothing out her hair and dress and tried to will the fluster from her cheeks to fade before turning around to see the secretary already smiling at her. 

“Hello, can I help you?” she asked sweetly, and Clarke’s eyes glanced down to her nametag, _Harper_.

“Yes, hi, I’m the new art teacher? Miss - uh, Clarke Griffin.” Clarke groaned internally, wishing she didn’t look and feel like such a mess. 

But if Harper thought the same, she didn’t show it. In fact, she lit up and a huge grin spread across her face. “Oh, hello! It’s so nice to meet you! Welcome to Arkadia Middle School!” Harper exclaimed brightly. “I’m Harper!”

“Clarke,” she introduced again, taking the hand that Harper had outstretched to shake. Harper wrapped her other hand around Clarke’s, enclosing it completely. Harper had one of those faces that automatically put you at ease with how genuine and obviously honest it was. “And that’s Madi.”

“Oh you’re going to love it here. Come, let’s go see Diyoza. She was just asking if I’d seen you.”

“Right, I”m so sorry, I tried to get here earlier, but it took Madi and I a little longer to get out of the house than I anticipated, it won’t happen again,” Clarke apologized and assured the woman.

Harper scoffed. “Oh it’s no problem. She acts like she’s got a bite, but really she’s all bark. Except when she was pregnant. She had a little bite then,” Harper told her conspiratorially, chuckling to herself. “And hello little miss! I’m Harper. Hope has been talking about you,” Harper winked at Madi. 

Madi’s face lit up. “Really?”

Harper nodded. “Yep! She’s going to be so happy to have another little girl to play with. I love your jacket.” 

Madi blushed. “My mommy got it for me,” she told Harper proudly. Harper looked up and smiled at Clarke, but this one had a twinge of sadness to it, like she’d already been told of how Madi had ended up with Clarke. 

Clarke took a deep breath. “Alright little one, let’s go.”

The three of them walked into the office and an hour later they emerged, Clarke having finished up paperwork and giving the girls a chance to talk and get to know each other. Harper was right, Diyoza had no bite; she didn’t even mind that Clarke was a few minutes behind. 

Diyoza walked them to the daycare dropoff area of the school, and the teacher at the door directed Clarke and Madi in to show them around. Clarke was pleasantly surprised to find that it looked like a preschool more than the daycare or random playroom she’d been picturing. She was so excited and relieved to have a place Madi could go that she’d have fun and a friend and could learn as well. Plus, Clarke would be nearby if she needed anything. 

Diyoza had already left, off to handle business with the woodshop teacher when it was time for the two of them to part. “Auntie Clarke! Wait!” Madi called just as Clarke had turned away and she turned back to see Madi sprinting towards her. She bowled into Clarke’s legs and she crouched down to adjust the girl into her arms instead of her legs.

“Hey, sweet girl, you okay?” she asked, smoothing Madi’s hair back.

Madi buried her head into Clarke’s neck. “You’re coming back for me, right?” she asked and Clarke’s heart shattered. Clarke knew this would be a transition for both of them, knew that Madi would probably have this sort of fear, but hearing the sadness in her voice just broke her.

Over the six months since Wells and Glass, she’d only left occasionally, living off her savings so she could be there for Madi, so she wouldn’t have to leave her unnecessarily. They’d just barely made it to the end of the probationary period before Clarke knew she’d have to go back to work at some point. 

“Of course I am,” she told Madi firmly. “I’m not even leaving the building. I’m going to go teach some classes and I’ll be back before you know it. You’re going to have so much fun with Hope.” Clarke tried to force her voice to remain steady and calm, despite the fact that she could feel tears threatening to make an appearance. “Okay?” she asked. Madi nodded into Clarke’s neck. “I love you, Mads.”

“Love you too,” the little girl murmured and finally untangled herself from Clarke and walked back to Hope, who handed her a crayon and a piece of paper. 

Soon the two girls were enthralled in whatever it was they were drawing, Madi even smiling and laughing and Clarke finally felt like she could try to leave again. She double checked that the teacher had her cell number and classroom number and took off down the hallway. She had about ten minutes now to get to her class and she’d realized with a growing pit in her stomach that Diyoza had left before showing her where it was. All she’d said was that it was classroom 404.

Clarke ran down the hallway, frantically looking for signs or an arrow or even just someone to ask as the kids milled about, glancing in her direction as the crazy new art teacher rushed past them. 

“Shit, where is it?” she mumbled to herself, glancing at the clocks as she passed them. _Seven minutes_. She didn’t have time to go back to the main office on the other side of the building. 

She bumped into a student coming out of another class and turned her head to apologize to him without slowing down. Clarke rounded the corner with her head still turned over her shoulder and ended up running smack dab into someone else. This time, the mass she’d run into put her flat on her ass in the middle of the hall.

Clarke closed her eyes briefly, slouched in defeat and dropped her head back. “I’m so sorry,” she groaned. 

“Whoa, Clarke?” a familiar voice asked from above her. Her eyes sprang open and she must’ve hit her head or something because standing in front of her was none other than Bellamy Blake.

“Bellamy? What’re you doing here?” she asked, confused, starting to finally move to grab her bag off the floor. He knelt immediately grabbing it before she could and lightly cupped her elbow to help her up. 

“Well, I kind of work here…” he trailed, reaching up to scratch the back of his neck once she was upright again. 

She squinted. “What? You’re a teacher?” she asked. 

“Yeah, history. You?”

“Art. Or well, I was going to be. I’ve got about three minutes to find my classroom or my students will probably eat me alive,” she chuckled nervously, not completely kidding. Middle schoolers could be rough.

He smiled at her and it almost knocked her flat on her ass again with how off guard the sight took her. She definitely had to have hit her head at some point. “Room 404, right? You’re almost there. Come on, I’ll walk you.”

She cleared her throat. “Uh, thanks,” she sighed in relief. “So, how did I not know you were a teacher too?” she asked, trying to think back over their few conversations to see if he’d mentioned it at all.

Bellamy smirked at her. “You didn’t ask,” he pointed out. “You okay? You look more flustered than just first day jitters,” he asked, low and soft. He put a hand on the small of her back absently and started guiding her down the hallway.

She wiped at her face, though the tears from leaving Madi had never actually fallen. “Yeah. I’m fine.” Then she frowned at him, “Wait, aren’t _you_ going to be late if you walk me to class?”

He shook his head. “My first period is my free one.” He seemed to notice his hand then, because he suddenly withdrew it like it’d been burned. But she noticed a slight flush on his neck, seemingly embarrassed, and Clarke tried to keep her own from doing the same since she could still feel the ghost of his hand on her back. 

They walked into her room, and he set her bag down on the large desk at the front of the class. The kids were all milling about, talking and catching up on their winter break activities and didn’t even seem to notice their entrance. 

“Thanks,” she said again, as the bell rang. She chuckled. “Just in the nick of time.”

“No problem. Have a good first day,” he told her, nodding towards the room. “Maybe I’ll see you at lunch?” he asked tentatively and really, nothing sounded better to her than to have a familiar face to talk to. The ice seemed to have broken with them, the night before having shaken them out of the weird tension that started when she moved in. 

“Yeah. I want to check on Madi, but then sure.”

“She at the school’s daycare?” he asked. She nodded. “Delilah is amazing with kids, truly.” He told her, probably sensing her apprehension. “I’ll see you later then.”

She nodded again, and watched as he left. Then she cleared her throat and took a deep breath, facing her class, who hadn’t seemed to realize the bell had even rung. She clapped her hands to get their attention. A few of them glanced in her direction, but most just ignored her. 

She put her thumb and index fingers up to her lips and whistled loudly. That quieted the rest down and they slid into their seats to face her. “Thank you. Okay, well, as you have probably noticed, I’m not Ms. Lanik. My name is Clarke Griffin. You can just call me Clarke.” She felt her body relax as she settled into her teacher mode. She may not know these students, but she loved teaching and loved art and felt relieved that the feeling was the same here as it was in California. She hopped up on the desk and swung her legs lightly. 

She grabbed the list of students off her desk and started reading the names off. Once she verified everyone was there, she began.

“Okay, I want everyone to get out a piece of paper and pencil.” Once everyone had done what she requested, she added. “Now. I want you to draw me something. It could be an apple, could be Mickey Mouse, could be a person in your family or this very classroom. But I want you to put pencil to paper. That’s often the hardest part of getting started with art. Actually doing it. Artists get so caught up in their head, turning their inspiration over and over again and forget that sometimes, using your instincts to create your art is the best way to get going. So draw me something.”

They all looked at her quizzically, like they were still not really sure what to do. “Go, do, draw, chop chop!” she clapped. “First thing you think of. Doesn’t have to be a masterpiece, but I _do_ want it to be something important to you. It can be as personal as you want, I won’t ask for details, but it needs to be something you’re passionate about.”

Once they were all focused on their work, she hopped off the desk and walked over to the whiteboard, writing the words that she did every first day of school since she’d started teaching. It wasn’t the first day of school for them, but it was important to her that they know who she was and what to expect.

**1\. Never Quit.  
2\. Always remember Rule #1**

Then she drew a line under that and wrote one of her favorite quotes she always used. 

**Make your life a masterpiece; imagine no limitations on what you can be, have, or do. -Brian Tracy**

“Is this a joke? You’re like the cheesiest teacher I’ve ever met,” a voice from the back row spoke up snarkily. The class snickered at the comment, but Clarke just smiled, not offended in the slightest. She knew what she’d written was cheesy and simple, but that was kind of the point. It made things easier to remember and memorize and follow. And cliches are cliches for a reason. 

She turned to see the dirty blonde in the back with an oversized bomber jacket, messy ponytail and ankle boots. _Charlotte_ , if Clarke was remembering correctly from roll call. “Great. So Charlotte, if you find me so _cheesy_ , you want to get up and teach the class, instead?” Clarke asked, folding her arms across her chest. Charlotte just smirked at her. “No? Well I for one, would really like to hear the deep, insightful quote _you_ turn to for inspiration.”

“No thanks, Mrs. Griffin,” Charlotte declined, all feigned innocence. 

“Not Mrs., and you can just call me Clarke, like I said. What do we have here?” Clarke asked, picking up the drawing Charlotte had been working on. 

It was a horse, all soft lines and a flowing mane. It was beautiful; Charlotte was clearly very talented. She wanted to ask about it, but she already promised not to pry.

“No Mrs., hmm?” Charlotte asked. “How old _are_ you?”

“26, and this is really stunning, Charlotte.”

Charlotte snatched the paper out of Clarke’s hands, ripping it to pieces in front of her with an angry look. “You know, my mother said that if you aren’t married by the end of college, you’re wasted goods.”

Clarke’s heart sank. “Well I can assure you, an unmarried woman past 23 is definitely not a waste. In fact, none of you are, no matter your age. Your life _matters_. Your experiences _matter_. Your life is your ultimate work of art. You have the ability to do anything you want, _be_ anything you want. That’s what this quote is about. That your life is what you create it to be. And we are all the artists of our own lives, no one else,” she finished, pointedly looking at Charlotte, who was still glaring at her. “There is also no quitting in this class,” she added, now at the front of the class. “Once you start something, you follow through. You push through your fears and insecurities and you be proud of what you’ve accomplished. There are no bad artists. As long as you don’t quit, and you work hard, that’s all I ask.”

They seemed genuinely interested and they spent the rest of their time discussing the different mediums they’d be working with for the rest of the year, and Clarke made sure to get their input, any and all mediums they’d never used but wanted to try. It took some coaxing, but eventually they opened up, throwing out suggestions with laughter or shyness or excitement. Charlotte never spoke again and made sure to pointedly glare at Clarke for the remainder of class, but Clarke knew that she was going to be one that would take some time.

***

So it seemed that life didn’t care if he made plans or not.

It didn’t matter if he’d intended the new woman and adorable child next door to just be mere acquaintances. In his life for a few months maybe then moved on. 

Apparently, life didn’t much care for his _intentions_. 

Because it seemed to keep throwing the two of them together. 

First, it was the store, where he’d overheard her voice, short and clipped, in a tone so cold it sent ice through his veins. Not he blamed her, he didn’t much care for Finn Collins either. And then came Collins’ slick voice, oily and overly charming as ever. Bellamy really regretted not being in Arkadia when Raven called him in Thailand to tell him that she’d found out Finn had been dating another woman in California when she’d gone to visit him and O.

He’d heard the fake enthusiasm from Finn and the hesitation in Clarke’s voice and he was moving over to their aisle before he had fully thought through what he was doing. Sure enough, Finn had his hand wrapped around Clarke’s arm and she was radiating discomfort and tension. How did the asshole not see that? It was written all over her face.

It seemed to end up being a turning point in their relationship though, and he’d been surprised how natural and comfortable he’d been hanging out and having dinner with her and Madi. Clarke wasn’t a Princess at all - she was laid-back and funny, in a way that actually reminded him a little bit of Murphy’s snark and wit. He’d had the passing thought that it’d be amusing to watch the two of them go toe to toe.

And Madi… she was an awesome kid, all smiles and attitude and bossy and self-assured. A true three-year-old going on thirteen. She’d been through so much in her short life, as Clarke had explained, and in that moment, he admired and respected Clarke for stepping up and giving Madi a life full of love and laughter, even in the midst of her own grief for losing her two friends so tragically.

Then there was the school, something he’d been looking forward to, getting to head back to Arkadia Middle School, and get to see the 6th through 8th grade smartasses, the kids who thought they already had the world figured out and were ready to conquer it. He loved this age, even if they could be difficult at times. They were still struggling to figure out who they were and what they wanted out of life, still believed that they could change the world. He loved teaching them about their history, loved seeing their eyes light up when they made connections or saw the cause and effect of decisions made in the past, and how every decision they made now affected the world in the future. 

He almost thought he’d been hallucinating when she ran into him in the hallway, not quite making the correlation as to why she would be at his place of work until he realized there would really be only one reason, and Luna had left just before winter break. And Clarke was an artist. He was surprised it had taken so long, if he was being honest, to even ask where she was working. He teased her that she’d never asked him, but he hadn’t exactly asked _her_ either. 

And like an idiot, he’d gotten too close, placing a hand on her back subconsciously, and only realized what he was doing when he got a whiff of the citrusy scent that he’d spent the evening before smelling in her living room. He hadn’t really dwelled where it had come from, but clearly it was _her_. In addition to the brightness of her smile, she apparently also _smelled like sunshine_.

It was intoxicating.

And if he didn’t get himself in check, he’d be _so screwed_. And Murphy would never let him live it down. 

Still, like the masochist he was, he waited and watched her first class a bit, watched as she seemed in her element, gesturing wildly and urging her students to draw whatever they wanted. She was excited and looked like she loved teaching as much as he did.

He’d finally torn his eyes away from her and headed back to his own class, preparing for the barrage of his own students to dive into the animosity of Hamiliton and Burr. 

Just like Clarke, once he’d gotten in front of his students, all his preoccupations faded away and he dove right in, excited to get into history. He was well-mocked by Murphy and Miller and pretty much every other friend of his for being a history nerd, but he didn’t care. History was important, and he wanted his students to understand that and love it like he did. 

However, once his second class of the day ended, and it was lunchtime, he found his stomach doing flips over seeing Clarke and hearing about her morning. He wandered over to the daycare class, hovering awkwardly. When they’d talked about seeing each other at lunch, he realized he had no idea where to actually meet up with her, or if she even _planned_ on sitting with him. She could've just meant she’d see him around.

He was such an idiot. 

After a couple minutes, when he’d decided to just give up and go to the faculty lounge, he saw her flying around the corner like a tornado and he wondered briefly if she ever didn’t fly through life like something was chasing her. 

“Bellamy, hey,” she greeted him, out of breath. “Whew, there is a very good reason I’m not the gym teacher,” she joked with a smile. He chuckled at her. 

“Take a breath, Princess.”

“No time for breathing. How’s Madi?” she asked, stepping towards Delilah. He grabbed her arm without thinking and she looked at him startled. “What?”

“C’mere,” he beckoned and they headed over down a hallway off the side of the daycare where the one way mirror was. “This is so the parents can check in on their kids without them seeing and getting anxious and having to say goodbye all over again. You’re welcome, obviously, to go get her, but look - ” he nodded his head towards the little brunette over by the easels. She was standing with Hope, and it looked like she was directing her on painting… _something_. To be honest he couldn't really tell what it was, but both girls were very focused on it.

“She looks happy,” Clarke remarked softly.

He glanced at her next to him and saw as Clarke took a shaky breath and sniffled, wiping the softness and vulnerability off her features as she steeled herself. He wondered why she’d do that, why she was so intent on bottling up or being embarrassed of a show of emotion, but it wasn’t really his place to ask. Maybe one day, when they were truly friends and she trusted him enough to tell him. He really hoped she would.

“We have like fifteen more minutes, you want to go grab something to eat?” he asked after a few minutes had passed. 

Clarke scrunched her nose at him. “Is it awful if I say I’d rather just skip lunch so I can just hang here and watch her?” She sighed. “I was just so worried all morning. Before I left her, she had to - she double checked that I was coming back for her,” she told him, avoiding his gaze, wringing her hands together. 

_Ouch._

“I’m sorry,” he said softly. “That can’t have been easy.”

She glanced back at him, and her face twitched a bit, her mask slipping just a bit. “Go on without me, I think I’m going to just stay here. I have next period free so I’ll grab something to eat a little later. I’m so sorry, I wasted your whole lunch time.” She covered her face with her hands and Bellamy sighed. He walked closer to her, grabbing her wrists lightly and pulling her hands down. 

“Don’t worry about it. Seriously. I’ll just catch you another time, alright?” he told her gently. He’d just stay, his gut was telling him to take a seat next to her on the floor, but that wasn’t them, they were barely friends, and he didn’t want to make her uncomfortable. Then she twisted their hands so that he wasn’t gripping her wrists anymore and was holding her hands instead and she squeezed softly, almost shaking his resolve. 

“Thank you. I’m sorry too, for being so dismissive of you over the last week. You actually seem half decent,” she teased, the solemn moment fading away.

“Well, you haven’t seen me before coffee in the morning.”

She snorted and released his hands, waving him off. “Please. I definitely take the grumpy morning person cake. You’re probably one of those who gets up super early and goes running before anything else, just to watch the sunrise,” she mocked.

“No.”

She let out a bark of laughter. “Oh my- you _are_!”

“Just when the weather turns nice again. In the winter, I’m all doom and gloom, promise.”

She snorted again. “Right.”

He rolled his eyes. “Whatever. See you around, Griffin.”

She smiled and nodded and he turned to go, heading towards the cafeteria to grab a quick bagel before his next class as Clarke stepped closer to the window, her focus back on Madi.

The rest of the day and next few went by as ordinarily as possible, he confiscated some cell phones, a pack of cigarettes - they were fucking middle schoolers! - and numerous passed notes. It was Thursday, one more day to go before the weekend, but he was relieved when it was finally time to head home. He’d kept an eye out for Clarke and Madi that week, and they’d had lunch a few times, but they’d both been busy getting their classes in order for the week to spend any meaningful time together. 

His phone rang as he reached the parking lot and he’d barely picked up before Miller was shouting in his ear.

“You’re really not coming out on Friday?” he demanded. Miller was one of his oldest high school friends. He was from a better neighborhood than he, Murphy, Raven were, but they’d hit it off quickly when they’d both made the same football team. Miller had gone on to be a police officer like his father before him after high school and they’d reconnected when Bellamy got back to town, hanging out every once in a while and getting together for football games.

It was like Miller had Bellamy’s school hours on alarm, always being respectful of his being at work, but the second his foot entered the parking lot, Miller was calling.

“I can’t, I really need to go over their assignments. First week back, you know I don’t do Friday nights the first weekend.” He didn’t assign a lot of homework, mostly just an overview from what they’d learned that week but still, if he went out that night instead of finishing those up, he’d never be able to enjoy his weekend.

“First week back, you’re still giving the students assignments? Come on!”

Bellamy chuckled. “We’re still on for Saturday though, right?”

“Well, yeah. I don’t miss games, man, you know that!”

Bellamy rolled his eyes even though Miller couldn’t see him. This game was important to all of them. They were getting closer and closer to the Superbowl and the Giants actually had a shot for the first time in years. “Okay, good. Rae is bringing the beer this time, don’t forget to remind her.”

Miller snorted. “Like any of us would forget. She always tries to talk Murph and Emori into taking her week.”

“What’s Monty bringing for food?”

“Probably fruit, he and Harper are on another health kick.” 

Bellamy groaned. “Yeah ok, I’ll stock up on chips Saturday at the store.”

“Cool,” Miller responded absently. “Hey, you know your new neighbor?”

Bellamy sighed and opened the door to his truck, climbing in and leaning back against the seat. He clenched his jaw. “Uh huh. What about her?” he asked warily, wondering how Miller had even heard about her. 

“Well, Rae was telling me she’s pretty new to town and doesn’t know many people.”

“Okay… still waiting for the part that has to do with me, Miller.”

“We were thinking that it might be a good idea to invite her and the kid to the game on Saturday.”

“Sure. I don’t know if she’s into football, but I can ask,” he responded, now seeing that this was where MIller had been headed.

“Great! See you guys Saturday!”

\-----------------------------

The week passed easily enough, but Bellamy had forgotten just how tiring the first week back from break could be. His students’ assignments were spread out all over the kitchen table. They were mostly organized, finally, but there were so many classes spread out over the three grades that the middle school housed that there was always going to be a little bit of chaos.

He leaned back after the last one, glancing at the clock. It was only seven, so technically he could still take Miller up on his offer, but he was just so exhausted he didn’t think he had it in him to go to the bar tonight. 

He realized he hadn’t talked to Clarke yet about the game tomorrow, he hadn’t really seen her in the past couple of days since he’d talked with Miller, so he set his beer down and got up from the table, grabbing his coat on the way out. 

He opened the gate between the two houses and crossed her lawn up to her porch. He knocked and waited, the cold air snaking into his layers and he rubbed his hands together to try to warm up. He always ran on the warm side, but January in Connecticut was always cold, even for him.

He knocked again, leaning off the porch to double check that her car was in the driveway. After another minute he heard the scurrying of little feet across her hardwoods and a smile instantly sprung to his face as he realized Madi was rushing towards the door.

“Madi, hold on! You have to let me be the one to answer it.”

“But Auntie, you have paint on your fingers! Can I turn the knob at least?”

He heard Clarke chuckle. As they approached he could see her mess of blonde hair piled in a nest on top of her head through the little window in the door. He nodded towards her as she noticed him too. She smiled at him.

“Go ahead Madi; it’s Bellamy.”

“Yay!” he heard the little girl exclaim, making his heart soar, and then the knob on the door shook, going back and forth until finally it creaked open. 

He started laughing instantly. Madi wasn’t kidding. There was paint all over Clarke’s hands, the overalls she was wearing, and there was even a smear of blue streaked across her cheek.

She glared at him, but a small smile still played on her lips. “What?” she demanded.

He took a breath. “Nothing. Just - fun Friday night?” he asked, reaching forward without thinking and swiping his thumb across the blue. He held it up to show her his newly colored thumb.

“Actually yes. Madi and I are finally working on the mural for her room,” Clarke told him indignantly.

“You want to come see?!” Madi asked, bouncing up and down. She also had paint on her clothes, little overalls to match Clarke’s. Her hair was hanging long over her clothes, purple paint coloring a few strands. She lunged for his hand, tugging him inside and he looked to Clarke to make sure it was okay. She smiled and nodded, laughing lightly.

“Only if you want to.”

“I’d love to - lead the way munchkin,” he told the little girl, letting her drag him through the house. It was messier than it had been when he was there last. Papers and crayons and kid cups strewn across the coffee table, Clarke’s laptop slightly open on the couch, and a coffee cup sitting on the end table. School papers were spread across the kitchen island as they passed through, dishes in the sink. He didn’t mind the mess, in fact, he kind of liked the idea that they were settling in.

She must’ve noticed his wandering eyes, because she spoke up as they got to the stairs. “Sorry for the mess, it’s been a long week,” she said with a shrug. Not embarrassed, but more like she felt like that was what she was supposed to say. It didn’t really sit well with him, he would much rather her feel like she could be herself around him. 

“You don’t have to apologize. This is your home, it _should_ look lived in.”

She chuckled. “Thanks but yeah, my mother would be appalled though. She’s a nice person, but far more orderly than I am. I know she hoped I would be a doctor like her, and I considered it, but art…” she trailed off as they reached Madi’s bedroom. She opened the door to reveal the mess inside leading to the wall she had been working on. “Art makes me happy. So I decided to do something with that instead,” she explained.

“Ta-da!” Madi announced with a flourish. His jaw dropped as he took it all in. A majority of the wall was still just sketched in with pencil or something, but she’d still drawn it all out and even without most of the color, aside from a few flowers and part of the sky that was clearly where she’d gotten the blue on her face from, it took his breath away.

He glanced at Clarke and saw her fidgeting her paint covered fingers. “It’s not done, obviously. I just finished the sketch like yesterday? And I promised Madi we’d at least start on the paint tonight. But she hasn’t even had dinner yet so we’re probably going to have to stop soon and - ” she looked down at her watch, " - it's _seven_ already?! Ugh, I need to get this cleaned up and - "

“You _ramble_ when you’re nervous,” he observed. And even through her nervousness he could hear the excitement underneath. She really did love art. Madi giggled next to him. 

Clarke rolled her eyes and clamped her mouth shut. “I do not,” she stubbornly insisted.

“Clarke, this is _incredible_.”

A pink blush joined the blue paint on her cheeks and she bit her lip. “Thanks. There’s still a lot to do, though,” she repeated.

“Well, dinner won’t have to be one of them. How about I order some Chinese to be delivered and get Madi going on that while you - ”

“You don’t have to do that,” she interrupted.

He narrowed his eyes at her, trying to read her expression. “I mean, I really don’t mind,” he said carefully. “I haven’t eaten yet either. But if you’d rather it be just you and Madi, I can go, no problem. Just thought I’d offer to help.”

She narrowed her own eyes back at him. “Why?” 

He didn’t even have to think about it. “Because that’s what friends do.” She tipped her head up a bit at his choice of words, but he held her gaze, not backing away. Because at that point, he _did_ consider her a friend. Not to mention, if she came to the game the next night, she’d be friends with his friends and they’d be spending more time together anyway. 

Just as he was starting to get nervous that he’d offended her again or something, she smiled. “Our favorite is orange chicken.”

He smiled back at her, his heart steadying. He hadn’t even realized how fast it’d been beating. “Orange chicken it is. Come on, munchkin, let’s go order the food while Clarke finishes up.” Madi smiled wide and she hopped up into his arms. He’d probably get paint on his clothes, but he found he really didn’t mind. 

“Oh! And fried rice, not white - it’s healthier!” she called after them. 

He turned back. “Not really, it’s _fried_ ,” he argued. 

She rolled her eyes. “Well, there’s at least vegetables in it.”

“Also fried,” he pointed out. Then she narrowed her eyes in a glare towards him and he gave up. “Alright, fried rice it is, Princess.” Then he turned and started walking away again, throwing over his shoulder, “Try to get some of that paint on the wall this time!”

“Very funny!” 

He couldn’t help but think that this wasn’t the worst way to spend a Friday night.

***

“Okay, I’m here, Griffin, what’s the big emergency?” Raven called out, and Clarke could hear the slam of the front door as she let herself in. Clarke left her bedroom and stopped at the top of the stairs, frowning.

“I didn’t say there was an emergency.”

Raven waved at her as she climbed up towards Clarke. “There isn’t? Then why did you tell me to ‘get my ass over here ASAP’?” she asked, confusion coloring her features and her fingers in the air making quotation marks.

Clarke sighed heavily. “I _didn’t_ say that. I said ‘stop by on your way to Bellamy’s’,” she pointed out. “I swear, you _still_ only listen to half of what people tell you. This is college all over again.”

Raven’s jaw dropped open. “No!” she denied vehemently. “In college, I didn’t hear half of what people said because I was _stoned_. There’s a difference. This time, I was just… distracted.”

Clarke just stared at her. 

“Shaw may have been… doing stuff.”

Clarke groaned. “Yeah okay, I don’t need the details.” 

“You sure? When was the last time you - ”

“Got distracted?” Clarke asked with a smirk. Raven snorted in amusement. 

“Sure.”

“Yeah, it’s been a while,” Clarke admitted. And her gorgeous neighbor was _not_ helping with that. It was so much easier when he was just a jackass. But she wasn’t about to tell Raven any of that. “And what were you doing answering the phone when you were - ”

“Being distracted?” Raven teased, then shrugged. “Had to make sure you weren’t backing out of tonight. Where’s the tot?” 

“Napping. So let’s move this downstairs before she hears us? Especially if you start using more descriptive words than ‘distracted’.”

“She still takes naps?” Raven asked, lowering her voice as they made their way to the living room. 

Clarke sighed. “Most days still, yeah. It was a fight today though, but if we’re going to have a late night around lots of people...”

“So you _are_ still coming?”

“Yes,” she confirmed. “We’re still coming. But I don’t know _anything_ about the Giants.” Raven started shaking with laughter. “It’s not funny! I mean, we like football. Wells and Glass and I used to catch 49er games in California every once in a while, but the Giants?”

Raven wiped messily at her face. “Oh come on, you think we care about that?”

Clarke scrunched her face. “Uh, yeah, I do. When Bellamy was here last night - ”

“What was Blake doing here?” Raven asked, an eyebrow raised.

Clarke gave Raven a look. “Nothing. He came to see if I wanted to come tonight and ended up staying for dinner.”

“How long has it been again?” Raven asked with a wink.

“Stop. We are just friends - _new_ friends, at that. I don’t even know him,” Clarke insisted. Her track record with relationships wasn’t exactly stellar and there had never been a worse time to even entertain the idea of a relationship or one night stand or friends with benefits or whatever it was Raven was suggesting. She wasn’t blind, he was _clearly_ attractive, but just - no.

“Right.”

“You remember hearing about Lexa, right?” Raven nodded, and sighed, probably realizing where Clarke was heading with this. She’d started dating Lexa about a year after Finn, and it was a toxic, controlling relationship, one Clarke didn’t see how unhealthy it was until she was in too deep and it took way too long to claw herself out. “Well, we were friends who started sleeping together casually and then it became more, and then it crashed and burned, just like Finn before her. I - I don’t want that to happen with Bellamy.”

“You may not know him that well, sure. But I do. I’ve known Bellamy Blake for practically my entire life. You’re going to be hard pressed to find a better one than him.” 

Clarke had a suspicion Raven wasn’t wrong. Aside from that first day, Bellamy had been nothing but thoughtful and kind, always willing to help, being awesome with Madi, helping her with Finn, showing her around the school, making her laugh… Clarke had no problem believing he was a good guy. That was the problem.

If she was honest, he was _too_ good. He should be with someone that was well… _not_ a mess like her. 

Friends, sure. But it wouldn’t ever be more than that. It couldn’t.

“Raven, I just - I can’t. It's just too much to - but thank you,” she told her and Raven clicked her tongue.

“Alright. I won’t mention it again.”

“Thank you.”

“Just - one more thing. This isn’t because - _just_ because of your past, right? Because - ”

Clarke sighed. “No, Raven. This isn’t because of Finn. Or Lexa. Well, not directly. I didn’t exactly make some great decisions in those relationships and they imploded - and it’s Madi, Raven. It’d be too messy and complicated. I can’t date someone who’s going to be around Madi so much. It’d be too hard after.”

“That’s assuming it ends.”

“Don’t they all?” Clarke asked and it was Raven’s turn to sigh that time. “Look, I’m not opposed to dating _someone_ , eventually, but just - I need it to be slow, and be able to control or manage it - I don’t know what I’m saying. Just - no. Okay?”

“Okay,” Raven acquiesced. “So about this Giants thing….” Raven said, bringing the subject back around, something Clarke was grateful for. Sex and love were just two things she didn’t want to be thinking about right now.

“Yes, Bellamy talked about how serious they all take it and it’s the first time I’m really going to be hanging with everyone - whoever ‘they’ are - the only people we’ll really know is Bellamy and you.”

“No - you’ve met Murphy, right? And Emori?” 

“Sure, them too.”

“Okay, look. Yes, Miller takes the Giants way too seriously and you’ll end up thinking he’s a little crazy. If he snaps at you, I’ll snap at him, we all will - he snaps at everyone during games. Everyone else, they’ll cheer too loudly, laugh too obnoxiously, but seriously - Giants fan or not, you’ll fit right in, alright?”

“Okay. If you say so.”

“Just - maybe don’t mention the 49ers thing, at least not yet.”

Clarke laughed. “Got it.”

“Okay. Now, I’ve got to run to the shop and grab Shaw and the beer for tonight. If I try to make Murphy and Emori bring it one more time I think they are actually going to kick me out.”

Clarke squinted. “I hate to be the mom of the group, but… no one gets _too_ shit-faced, right? I mean, Madi will be there.”

Raven shook her head. “Nah. We’ll be good. And If I see Murphy heading that direction, I’ll kick his ass myself. It’s more important to us that you and BadMad stay than getting wasted.”

“‘BadMad’?”

“Yeah, I'm floating it. Girl’s got to have a sweet nickname.”

“Yeah well, float that one away,” Clarke waved it off with a laugh.

“Whatever. I’ll figure it out. See you later, Griffin.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading, I hope you're enjoying their developing relationship - definitely a lot less angst, though we'll get some of that later too 😉 
> 
> We get meet more of the gang in the next chapter - yay!
> 
> Have an awesome weekend! 
> 
> If you want to come see me on tumblr, [here it is](https://dayo488.tumblr.com/)!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone!
> 
> Thanks for all the love on the last chapter and all the noms so far on the BFWA... I can't stop smiling and giggling like idiot over it... starting to freak my husband out lol. 
> 
> This chapter was super fun to write and I hope you enjoy!
> 
> Oh, a quick note (spoiler free) about the most recent episode. I have no intention of stopping writing Bellarke or fanfic, no matter what happens with the rest of the season. I truly love this and the fandom so I will continue on. I also have two other stories sitting in my docs that I've started (a treasure hunt AU and a fantasy AU) that I'm excited about and will hopefully get going enough in those to get posted soon enough! So you definitely have not and will not have heard the last of me 😉
> 
> Okay, that's all, have fun!

“Kickoff is in like twenty minutes, I thought you said Clarke was coming?” Murphy asked Bellamy, bringing him a beer from the fridge and flopping down on the couch next to him and Miller. 

They’d all gotten to Bellamy’s house a little bit ago, since Miller insisted on watching the various commentators talking about their predictions on how the game would go down. 

Bellamy shrugged. “I thought so. She seemed excited last night,” he told Murphy, taking a swig from the bottle.

Murphy gave him a curious look. “Okay, well, she’s going to miss it if she doesn’t get here soon.”

Bellamy frowned. Because Clarke _had_ seemed excited when he mentioned it. She was apprehensive, which he’d expected, but still like she was looking forward to it. But she could’ve changed her mind - maybe she was having a rough day with Madi or got caught up in the mural or he’d misread her completely and she wasn’t thrilled to bring a three old to a football party. 

It wasn’t up to him though, he’d made the invitation, she had to be the one to take him up on it or not. 

“She’s coming,” Raven said, coming up behind them, Shaw and Monty at her side. “I went to see her earlier today, before I got here. She said she was coming,” Raven shrugged.

“Well does she know what time it starts?” Murphy asked. 

“Of course she does, I told her when I invited her,” Bellamy retorted. “But it’s not like she’s going to miss much - these games go on for hours, whether she's here for kickoff or not isn’t that big of a deal.”

Miller turned towards him, tearing his eyes from the pregame stuff currently on the TV. “Of course it’s a big deal! It might make all the difference!”

Bellamy snorted. “Right. I totally forgot, Miller. It is all up to Clarke. _She_ is the one who determines whether the Giants win or lose. Not, you know, the actual _players_ down on the field.” Murphy snickered next to him. “You need to stop being so superstitious, man.”

Miller glared at him. “I am not superstitious,” he insisted stubbornly. But off of the _many_ looks around the room at the comment, he relented slightly. “Fine. It’s _possible_ , I suppose… that I might be... a _little_ … stitious.”

Monty leaned down from the behind the couch. “Did he steal that from _The Office_?” he asked quietly. Bellamy just chuckled to himself. 

“Wait, who’s coming?” Harper asked next, joining them with a bowl of fruit in her hands, handing it to Monty. 

“Bellamy’s new neighbor, I told you that,” Monty explained and Harper wrapped her arms around Monty’s waist from behind and set her chin on his shoulder. He fed her a piece of watermelon and gave her a long kiss and they all groaned.

“You know, the newlywed lifestyle looks gross,” Raven commented, pretending to gag.

“What, you don’t want me feeding you fruit?” Shaw clarified, licking the sauce from the wings off his fingers. 

“Nope. I can feed myself thank you very much.”

“Hey! What does that mean?” Harper asked indignantly.

“It means your sappy, lovey dovey- _ness_ , makes me want to throw up,” Raven teased with a smirk. Bellamy laughed, knowing that for the most part, Raven’s sarcasm and aversion was a front, that it had taken her a long time before she even thought about dating again after Finn, then again when she’d been abandoned by Wick, and that there was still a part of her that avoided feeling too much of anything. 

But she'd been more excited than anyone when Monty and Harper had tied the knot in the fall, just before the school year began. Shaw, a mechanic at her shop, had invited himself to the wedding as her date, even though she kept turning him down. It’d all come to a head a few days before the wedding, and Shaw insisted he wasn’t going anywhere, that he’d wait however long it took for her to see that and she finally acquiesced and let him go with her. And they’d been together ever since. 

“I’m just saying,” Raven said, throwing up her hands. “You guys are like every cheesy trope in the book.”

“Aww, Isn’t she romantic?” Shaw teased. 

Raven sighed and rolled her eyes, pressing a quick kiss to Shaw’s mouth. “Whatever. You guys do you.”

Murphy just snickered and shook his head, getting up to wander over to the kitchen in search of Emori, who was finishing up a pitcher of margaritas with the tequila Raven brought. 

“I really need more single friends,” Bellamy sighed, looking around to see that most of his friends were indeed in relationships. Even Miller had an on and off thing going with a doctor from the local hospital. 

“Or…” Harper began.

“Don’t even start Harp. I didn’t mean anything by it, I’m perfectly happy being single,” he insisted. Though, the more he said it, the more it was starting to sound like a lie.

“So who’s this neighbor friend? What’s her story?” Monty asked.

Harper’s eyes lit up. “Your neighbor is a woman?!” Bellamy sighed.

“Again, I told you that. First week of school clouding your brain, babe?” Monty teased his wife. 

Harper scoffed at Monty’s razzing. “But isn’t that Sydney’s house? Haven’t most of the people that have moved in there been… difficult?” Harper asked warily.

Bellamy reached up to his neck nervously. They all followed the movement with amusement, aware of all his tells, so he put his arm back down quickly. “Yes, they’ve all been some form of trouble. But I don’t think Clarke is like that. Octavia actually knows her, from college. That was why her and Madi moved to Arkadia.”

“Wait, Clarke Griffin? The new art teacher?!” Harper exclaimed, somehow even more excited than she was just a few minutes ago. 

Bellamy set his lips in a thin line, knowing his friend well enough to know what was coming next. “That's her.”

Harper’s jaw dropped. 

“Oh no,” Monty mumbled, apparently also guessing where this was headed. Raven was biting her lip to keep from laughing so hard Bellamy was going to be surprised if it didn’t start bleeding.

“Oh my, stop it, you guys,” Harper exclaimed, rolling her eyes and smacking Monty’s chest lightly. “I was just going to say that I like her, she seems… great.” Harper told them, clearly forcing down her enthusiasm and trying to seem indifferent. Harper Green was a lot of things, but indifferent towards basically anything was not one of them, so she wasn’t fooling anyone. “You should, uh, go see what’s keeping her,” Harper suggested nonchalantly, with an overdramatic shrug.

“Well now I don’t know if I _want_ her to come. I don’t think I can trust any one of you. We are just starting to be friends,” Bellamy said, exasperated. The last thing he or Clarke needed was his meddling friends trying to set them up or whatever. Just because she was beautiful and he was having a hard time concentrating around her, and she was great to talk to and funny - nope. They were friends, that was all. 

“Just because - ” Harper started, but was interrupted by the front door starting to open. Bellamy set his beer down and got up to head over, pulling it open wider so they could get in. 

“Bellamy!” Madi shouted.

“Hey munchkin,” he greeted with a wide smile, catching her as she hurriedly tumbled over the threshold and swung her up in his arms.

“I’m so sorry, did we miss the start or kickoff or whatever? Little miss here had to try on like three different outfits,” Clarke laughed and tickled Madi’s stomach. Madi wiggled and squirmed out of his arms to run to Raven next, who crouched down to embrace the little girl. Clarke leaned in to him, the whiff of citrus filling Bellamy’s senses, and dropped her voice to ask, “Is this what it’s going to be like when she’s a teenager? Which up until this point I somehow hadn’t really realized was something I was actually going to have to go through.”

He laughed with her and shook his head, partially to answer her and partially to clear his head of the scent. “No, it’s definitely not like that.” Clarke barely started to let out the tension in her shoulders before Bellamy added, “It’s worse,” with a smirk and Clarke threw her head back with a groan. “When O was a teenager, she used to actually store clothes in her bookbag and change _at_ school so Mom and I wouldn’t see what she was wearing.”

“Cool, cool,” Clarke commented and Bellamy realized she was holding her breath. 

He put a hand on her back and leaned in closer, which was not helping his thrumming heartbeat. “Breathe, Princess. Don’t worry, you guys will be fine. Remember? I’m an old pro, I’ll help you out.” He’d said it before realizing the implication behind it - the idea that they’d still be in each other’s lives when Madi was a teen, and he watched her face to see if she noticed the same.

Clarke snorted and shook her head, her eyes flickering around the room and landing on Madi and Raven, doing some weird handshake and laughing. Then she cocked her head slightly and gave him a weird look, but just before he could open his mouth to take back what he’d said she cleared her throat and held up a reusable grocery bag. “Oh, here, I brought this.” She handed it to him. “Raven said she was bringing the beer, so I assumed you’d have plenty, but I thought this party could maybe use some homemade cookies?” 

“You… made cookies?” he asked curiously, which he hadn’t meant to sound offensive, but she must’ve taken it that way, because she scrunched her face.

“Yes, I made cookies. I can bake just fine, thank you.”

He let out a huff and scratched the back of his neck. “No, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean - I just - you didn’t have to bring anything.”

Clarke shrugged. “They’re Madi’s favorite. Chocolate chip with three different kinds of chips. So we spent the afternoon making them.” She looked down and fiddled her fingers a bit. “It was Wells’s recipe, actually. He made them for gatherings all the time.”

“They sound great. Hey, come on. Let’s put them on the counter and you can meet everyone,” he told her softly. “Miller!” He called over as they passed the couch. Miller didn’t take his eyes off the screen, but nodded up to indicate he’d at least heard Bellamy. “Time?”

“Five.”

“Okay, we’ve got five minutes before Miller tells us to all put a sock in it so he can over analyze every call the refs make the second the game starts,” he laughed. 

Clarke followed him over to the island that overlooked the living room that was already covered with ice buckets with drinks, fruit, chips of every kind, and a crockpot of wings. 

“Hey! Clarke! It’s so wonderful to see you again!” Harper exclaimed when they approached the group. 

Clarke tipped her head. “Harper, right? From the school?”

“Yep. Had no idea you were Bell’s new neighbor. Small town, huh?” she laughed. 

“I guess so,” Clarke agreed.

“Okay,” Bellamy interrupted. “So you know Raven and Harper, that’s Monty, Harper’s husband, and Shaw, Raven’s boyfriend. ”

“Hey everyone, I‘m Clarke. And this is Madi. You guys clearly know we moved in next door, from California. Or - well, I grew up in New York, but moved to California for college. Oh! And I actually know Octavia - we were roommates. And - ”

“Clarke,” Raven smirked towards her.

“Right. I’m rambling again, aren’t I? Anyway, hey.”

“Good to see you, Clarke,” Emori smiled, joining the group and setting the pitcher on the counter.

“Yeah, Bellamy was getting worried,” Murphy added, punching Bellamy in the arm. Clarke turned and smiled.

Bellamy felt a flush start to creep up his neck. “I was not. Clearly you know Murphy and Emori,” he said irritatedly. “Sorry that you do,” he added, to Murphy’s mock offense. Bellamy turned towards the living room. “And over on the couch is Miller - Miller! _Miller_!”

“What? They’re lining up. Oh - ” he startled when he finally noticed Clarke. “Hey, I’m Nate. Or Miller. Or whatever. Glad you’re here. They wouldn’t stop talking about you.”

Bellamy groaned. “Right. I call your name twice to get your attention - nothing. But _that_ conversation you hear.”

Miller just shrugged and turned back to the screen. “Okay, shut up everybody, here we GO!” he shouted as he leapt up from the couch. “Run, run, run! Ack - ” he grumbled, throwing a hand towards the TV. 

Clarke laughed and shook her head. Bellamy leaned over. “He gets kind of intense about the Giants.”

“I can see that.”

“And, that’s everyone, really. Sometimes, we have Jackson from the hospital come, or Jasper, who works as a DJ at the Dropship - the only actual club we have in town. But since this week’s game is on Saturday, he can’t make it. We usually only see him if there’s a Thursday night game. Sometimes Sunday afternoon if he didn’t have to work too late Saturday night.”

“Got it.”

“Auntie Clarke!” Madi said suddenly, weaseling her way between them and tugging on Clarke’s t-shirt. “Can I have a cookie please?”

“Can you have a cookie?” Clarke repeated, scooping her up. “Of course you can, you worked so hard on them today!” Madi’s long hair hung in her face and Clarke tenderly brushed it back. “Where did your clip go? How did you lose it already? Can’t I _please_ just put your hair in a ponytail Mads?” Clarke quietly pleaded.

“No! A braid! I want _two_ braids!”

Clarke huffed and the lines around her eyes strained, and she kissed Madi’s temple. “We’ll work on it this week, okay? I promise. Now, how about this cookie, mmm?”

She took Madi over to the plate of cookies that was already half empty from the flock of vultures he called friends as he turned his attention back to the game, rolling his eyes when he saw that the Patriots were about to score a field goal and they were only 5 minutes into the game. Murphy let out a _shit_ at the successful attempt, but before Bellamy could remind him of his language, Emori did it for him, smacking her husband on the back of the head. Everyone else was shouting and cheering, including him, and by the time halftime rolled around, the Giants had pulled into the lead, barely but still, it was a lead. 

Clarke and Madi eventually started getting into the game, though it was clear they didn’t follow the sport regularly. But it was fun and the two of them fit in like they’d been there forever. Madi captivated all of them, dancing in front of the TV anytime the commercials played any kind of music and Miller even rewound a couple times at her request (which he never does) so she could dance _one more time_ and _oh my goodness I love this song!_ Madi was a silly kid, if a little bossy, but he could tell her heart was kind and that she loved to help. When Harper was in the kitchen chopping up more fruit, Madi was right there, helping put it in the bowl and walking around to everyone asking if anyone wanted some. 

The food ran out around the start of the fourth quarter and once it was clear the Giants weren’t going to win this one, everyone had quieted down, lounging lazily on various pieces of furniture. Monty, Harper and Raven were engaged in a card game on the counter. Shaw stood behind Raven, helping her out and every once in a while Bellamy would hear loud and indignant shouts of _that’s cheating, he can’t do that!_ from Harper with Monty chuckling lightly.

Murphy and Miller were the only ones still really engaged in the game, and were currently trying to figure out which ref they hated more and which call was the one that lost them the game while Emori, from her spot on the couch next to Clarke, would try to gently point out that they couldn’t win all of them and _was it possible that the Giants were just having an off night_ , which earned her a glare from both of them.

When she wasn’t trying to calm the boys down, Emori was talking Clarke’s ear off about something, and Madi ended up sandwiched between Bellamy and Clarke, her head resting on Clarke’s arm, fast asleep as Bellamy watched the Patriots score again.

“Yeah, okay, that sounds really great, I’d love that,” Clarke was saying quietly as Emori got up from the couch, drawing Bellamy’s attention away from the game. Clarke turned to Madi, kissing her softly on the top of her head and smoothing her hair back. She glanced up at him watching and smiled. He felt his neck go warm and his shoulders tense, feeling like he got caught watching a private moment. But Clarke’s eyes were kind, if a little tired, so he let himself relax. 

Madi stirred as he did so, her little body wiggling into the couch as deep as she could and she shifted so her head lifted off Clarke’s and landed on Bellamy’s arm.

Clarke’s eyes flickered down to the little girl and softly grinned, blinking heavily. Clarke’s attention then turned to the vibrating phone in her lap. She picked it up and glanced at it, her entire body stiffening and her expression scrunching together worriedly.

“Everything ok?” he asked quietly, so as to not disturb the three year old sleeping against his arm. When she did answer though, he tried again. “Clarke?”

Clarke startled from her focus on the phone and looked up at him. “Hmm? Oh, um, yeah. Just - ” she began, but instead of finishing her thought, she just shook her head and turned her attention back to Madi. “I should get her home,” Clarke said softly, brushing the backs of a couple fingers against Madi’s cheek. “She looks so peaceful like this,” she chuckled. 

Bellamy hummed in agreement, enjoying the weight and softness of the little girl’s cheek against his arm. “O used to fall asleep on me like this, when we’d try to wait up for Mom to get home from her shift at the diner. O never lasted, since Mom’s shift wasn’t usually over until like 2 am. But she’d insist on it anyway so I’d put on a movie and position her next to me on the couch, and eventually she’d curl up under a blanket and close her eyes,” he reminisced. 

“You don’t talk about your mother much,” she observed. 

He tried to shrug without jostling Madi. “Not for any particular reason. I just - haven’t. She’s still here in town, I try to go see her whenever I get a chance.”

Clarke nodded. “Well, I’d love to hear about her sometime.”

“Yeah, that’d be… sure,” he smiled at her. 

She smiled back and blinked heavily, clearly tired herself. “Thanks for tonight. I love when it’s just me and Madi, but it’s nice to hang out with other adults sometimes too.”

“Well, yeah. You have to take care of yourself too,” he murmured.

She chuckled sardonically. “Maybe. But for now, I have to focus on her.”

“You’re doing a great job, you know. She’s really awesome. I think she’s the favorite of the group already,” he laughed softly.

“Well, I can’t take the credit for that, I’ve only had her like 7ish months.”

“Maybe, but you should give yourself a _little_ credit,” he insisted, because what she was doing was hard as _fuck_. Having to grieve the loss of your best friends _and_ raise their toddler _and_ move across the country? That was not for the faint of heart. 

Clarke inhaled deeply. “I should get her home,” she said again, ignoring what he’d just said. “She’s so tired.”

“She doesn’t look like the only one,” he teased lightly. “Do you want help?”

Clarke shook her head, “No, that’s alright, you finish the game here with your friends. I think Miller and Murphy might need a shoulder to cry on when the game is finally called anyway,” she teased, just loud enough for Murphy to turn around and glare at her. Clarke stuck her tongue petulantly at him, but he smirked and shook his head, turning back to the TV.

Clarke shifted her arms, cradling Madi against her chest and he immediately missed the warmth the both of them had been providing. “Bye guys!” she whisper-yelled to everyone who all turned to wave and smile back. “Hey, do you mind if I grab that platter from you another time? Kind of got my hands full,” she laughed, shifting Madi a little again, trying to get a better grip. 

“Of course you can.” He walked her over to the door, and opened it for her. “Hey Clarke,” he called for her as she hit the porch. She turned, eyebrows raised. “They aren’t - or, well, they don’t _have_ to be just ‘my friends’, okay?”

“They don’t even know me,” she pointed out. There was no malice in her tone, but he detected a bit of disbelief. “ _You_ don’t even really know me.”

He stared at her a moment longer. “I know enough,” he said confidently and she searched his face for something, probably sincerity, and he let her look, because he wasn’t just saying things. “And I mean what I say too, okay?” he added, throwing her words from the grocery store back at her. 

She chewed on her lip subconsciously before nodding once, and then she turned to go. He leaned against the doorway, watching to make sure she made it in okay, and he could hear the exasperated swearing that came from inside as the game finally ended and little ears weren’t there to hear it anymore.

***

“Please don’t take my sunshine away…” Clarke finished singing softly. Madi had woken up once they got back to the house, but Clarke managed to get her dressed, pottied and teeth brushed quickly enough that she was groggy enough to fall back asleep once her head hit the pillow.

She leaned over to the little girl, brushing her hair away from her face one more time so she could kiss her cheek, and backed out of the room. She entered the bright hallway and sighed, closing her eyes in exhaustion. 

The evening had been a ton of fun and seeing Madi’s lit up smile as she flitted from person to person, each one kind and sweet and genuine to her, had lit up Clarke’s own heart. Bellamy’s parting words reverberated themselves through her mind. She wasn’t sure how it happened, and _so quickly_ , but these people had welcomed them into their group with open arms, almost like they’d been in Arkadia far longer than the two weeks it’d actually been. 

Octavia had been right - Arkadia was a place to call home. It had people who had hearts bigger than the town itself, and arms just as wide. She didn’t have any plans to leave, but she wondered what their lives would look like in 5, 10, 15 years. Would they still be in this house? Having football game nights and whatever else they all did together? 

She really hoped so.

When Bellamy had introduced everyone, some of the names seemed vaguely familiar and she figured that Octavia must’ve talked about them at some point. Or Raven, on one of her visits. 

She pushed herself off the wall she’d been leaning against, and made her way downstairs to lock up and shut off the lights. While setting the coffee pot for the next morning, she could see through the window in her kitchen that looked into Bellamy’s kitchen and noticed most of the group still there, cleaning up or milling about. Bellamy himself was at the sink, washing what looked like the platter she’d left there, and he narrowly dodged a towel thrown at him by someone out of the window’s frame. She watched as he laughed and grabbed the sprayer off the sink and sprayed whoever it was with water. 

In another life, or another situation, she might actually consider making a move. He was kind, caring, insanely handsome, and genuine. And she always seemed to want to smile whenever she was around him. But as it was, she couldn’t - wouldn’t go there. She had no idea whether it would even work out or not and she knew she had to keep her life - at least her love life - separate from Madi. And she had a feeling that keeping the two separated was not going to be an option in this particular case.

That didn’t mean her gaze couldn't linger on him for a stolen moment or two when he wasn’t watching though.

It’d be enough, it had to be. And maybe one day she’d find someone else to hold her attention and she’d get to move past this ridiculous draw she felt towards him. She chuckled to herself - how quickly it had gone from being so incredibly _annoyed_ at him to thinking of him the way she was now.

She flicked off the light, her stolen moment over, and headed to bed.

\-----------------------------

“Pancakes, Auntie!” Madi yelled as she ran into Clarke’s room on Sunday morning. It was early - _way_ too early considering what time Clarke had gotten Madi to bed, but nonetheless, the three year old’s energy never failed to astound her.

“Pancakes? No, you don’t like pancakes!” Clarke teased the girl when she climbed up into the king-sized bed with her. “You think they're yucky!” she insisted, tickling Madi once she’d crawled under the sheets to snuggle up close. 

Madi squirmed and giggled. “Yes I do! They’re _yummy_ , Auntie Clarke, not yucky!”

Clarke paused and pursed her lips. “Are you _sure_?”

“Yes, yes! Pancakes please!”

“Well how can I say no to that sweet face,” Clarke asked, brushing her nose against Madi’s.

“Nosy nosy!”

Clarke’s lips stretched in a wide grin. “Nosy nosy! Okay, up we go. Go potty, and I’ll meet you in the kitchen.”

Madi darted off the bed leaving three stuffed animals in her place and Clarke groaned, reaching over to her nightstand for her phone, squinting to see if she’d missed any messages, praying she didn’t have another one like the one she’d received last night. Thankfully, there was only a text from her mother, reminding her it was Sunday and she was looking forward to their call later.

Every couple weeks, she made sure to call her parents, check in, update them on Madi and other things. She’d called a few times on the road and shot them a quick message to let them know they’d made it safely to Arkadia, but she hadn’t updated them in any detail. She set a quick alarm for Madi’s naptime, so she could have a conversation with them without being interrupted every five seconds.

Then she set about dragging herself out of her bed, throwing some shorts on, but left the thermal she’d slept in on and tried to shake the automatic grouchiness that she’d got without having her coffee yet, not wanting to spoil Madi’s enthusiasm. She wondered if she’d ever learn to be a morning person.

She was going to have to teach that kid what it meant to sleep in. 

When she finally made her way downstairs, she noticed Madi already up on the couch, a Disney cartoon playing on the TV. Clarke squinted at her. “Did you turn that on?”

“Oh my goodness, Auntie. I’m _three_.”

Clarke rolled her eyes and chuckled to herself. “Right, of course. Why wouldn’t a three year old know how to work a remote?” she murmured as she made her way to the coffee maker. 

She filled her mug and plopped down next to Madi on the couch, who instinctively scooted closer and tucked herself under Clarke’s arm. Ten minutes later, whatever show Madi was watching finished and Clarke had drained most of her cup.

Madi looked up at her with big blue eyes and sloppily pushed her hair off her face. “Pancakes, now?”

Clarke plopped a kiss down on the top of her head noisily and nodded. “Yep. You want to grab the sugar?”

“Yay!” Madi squealed as she made her way to the pantry. 

“Don’t forget to wash your hands first!”

Clarke then immediately went to fill her cup back up and took a sip before setting it aside and pushing the sleeves on her oversized long-sleeved shirt up and sticking her hair up in a messy bun on the top of her head. She snatched one of about a hundred snap barrettes lying around the house off an end table and pinned Madi’s hair back when she entered the kitchen, the jar of sugar held carefully in her little arms.

“Did you wash your hands, Mads?”

“Yep. Here you go!” Madi announced, pushing the sugar container up on the island and climbing up on one of the barstools. “Chocolate chips please?”

Clarke smirked. “How about blueberries?”

Madi scrunched her face. “That sounds healthy.”

Clarke chuckled. “That’s because they _are_ , goofball. Okay, how about blueberries with a little whip cream?”

“Deal!”

They started mixing their pancakes, Madi getting flour all over the counter like usual and eating more blueberries than probably went in the batter. Soon the griddle pan was heated and ready to go, so Clarke plopped down the first four and then set about cleaning up the mess she and Madi had made. She turned on some music and it wasn’t even on for half a second before Madi had jumped off the barstool and started dancing. Clarke laughed and took a sip of her coffee while she cleaned and watched the little girl boogie her way across the floor.

“Come on Auntie Clarke! Oh my goodness I love this song!” Madi beckoned and how could Clarke refuse?

After flipping the pancakes, she joined Madi - spinning and dipping the three year old and dancing in the silliest ways possible. They were about halfway through their third song and 2 batches of pancakes already finished when the doorbell sounded.

“Just a minute!” she called out and set down the giggling girl on the counter and made her way to the door. 

“Auntie! Where the whip cream?” Madi shouted after her and Clarke shook her head and laughed as she opened the door, the cold air hitting her bare legs and shoulder where her oversized shirt had slipped down. She’d almost forgotten what the weather was like outside of their warm cocoon of a home. 

“Uh, hey. Am I interrupting?” Bellamy greeted lightly, handing her the platter she left at his place the night before. 

And that was the second thing that made Clarke keenly aware of the fact that her legs were bare, her shorts barely visible under the long shirt - Bellamy’s eyes instantly dropping down to them and he blinked quickly as he raised his gaze to meet hers again. At least her cheeks were nice and warm now.

Bellamy cleared his throat. “Anyway, just wanted to return that to you. Thanks for coming last night, and the, uh, cookies again.” His gaze was steady and determinedly at her face now, but his voice strained just the tiniest bit. As awkward as she felt at the amount of skin on display, a small part of her was a little pleased that it had elicited a reaction out of him. At least she wasn’t the only one affected by the other.

“Thanks. Madi and I are just about to sit down to some blueberry pancakes.”

“With whip cream apossedly!” Madi called out sarcastically from behind her. 

“With whipped cream,” Clarke confirmed. “You already eat breakfast, or you want a couple pancakes?” she asked. And despite whatever reaction various parts of her had at his presence, she really did genuinely enjoy spending time with him. 

“I did actually eat - ”

“I bet Bellamy would’ve given me chocolate chips.”

Clarke turned her head towards the girl on the counter with her hands on her hips. “Excuse me?” she asked in response to Madi’s sass. She could hear Bellamy behind her trying to stifle a laugh.

“Sorry, Auntie.”

Clarke sighed and nodded her head, and turned back to Bellamy. “Well, you’re welcome to join us, as long as you promise not to give in to her demands.” 

Bellamy grinned. “I think I can manage that.”

They walked inside and headed towards the island. “There’s still coffee in the pot,” she told Bellamy. Then to Madi, she added, “You be kind and respectful, Mads, you hear?” Clarke told her niece, bopping her on the nose with her finger. Madi’s eyes got wide and she nodded quickly. 

Bellamy was already at the stove, flipping the last batch before they burned. She’d completely forgotten about them. It was a little unnerving to see how comfortable he clearly was in her house, but she couldn’t say she minded.

“Hey you get started okay? I’m going to go change,” she murmured to Madi and quickly made her exit upstairs, pulling on yoga pants and a normal sized t-shirt once she got up to her room. She left her hair the way it was, not wanting to make too big of a deal out of it, and made her way back downstairs. 

Bellamy’s eyebrows furrowed as they sat down with their plates heaping full of pancakes and syrup and whipped cream and she furrowed her own back at him. 

“What’s wrong?” she asked. 

He looked at her, startled apparently that she’d noticed. “Nothing, I just, uh, I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable,” he told her, glancing towards the stairs.

“You didn’t. If I wanted to stay in what I was wearing, I would’ve. The burst of cold air from the door made me want to change, that’s all. Like I said before, you were welcome to join us.”

It wasn’t the entire truth, but it wasn’t a complete lie either.

He nodded. “So what do you girls have planned for today?”

Madi looked up at her and smiled. “Braids!” she exclaimed with glee.

Clarke nodded. “Yep. Today is the day that I will learn to braid her hair. I can side braid mine, so I get the concept, but I’m awful on other people. I’ve never been able to get it right. Not like Glass could,” she explained, and he gave her an encouraging smile. “Anyway, I figured I’d follow along on Youtube or something and we’d spend the day watching movies and practicing.”

“That sounds great, then your beautiful hair won’t be in your pretty eyes all the time,” he teased Madi who scrunched her nose in response.

“You sound like Auntie,” Madi said, rolling her eyes. 

“Well your Auntie is right, kiddo,” he smiled at her. 

He took another bite of pancake and they continued eating in silence for a few more minutes before she noticed he was acting a little shifty. Like there was something he wasn’t saying. She eyed him for another minute before speaking up. 

“Okay, spit it out. You want to make fun of me for not knowing how to braid?” she asked, _mostly_ joking, unless that was really what he was keeping back.

His eyes widened and she knew that wasn’t it. “No!” he protested. “Not at all, braids - take a lot of practice. That’s - that’s not - ” he tried, but the words kept getting stuck.

She laughed at his stammering. “Then what?”

He sighed. “Do you read minds professionally or - ?”

She just raised an eyebrow at him.

“Okay,” he sighed. “I was just going to offer - now, you can’t make fun of _me_ \- to teach you.”

Clarke’s face twisted in confusion. “Teach me what?” Bellamy sighed again. “Teach me to braid Madi’s hair?” He shrugged and she was really going to need him to use actual words at some point. “You can braid hair?” she asked warily.

“Yeah, remember how I would say that Mom worked late a lot?” Clarke nodded. “Well, that meant she’d still be sleeping when O and I would get up for school and when she was in elementary school that’s the only way she wanted her hair.”

“Wait, hold on.” Clarke shook her head and sat up. “Are you telling me, _you_ braided Octavia’s hair?”

Bellamy looked at her, exasperated. “I told you not to laugh.”

“I’m not laughing - that’s - that’s awesome. Truly. Not a lot of brothers would have done that.”

“Yeah, well, she was my responsibility so...” he shrugged off. “Anyway. I really don’t want to intrude, but if you’d rather be shown in person, I think I remember enough. Then I can go and you can practice.”

“Sure. If that’s okay with Madi, that is. Hey sweet girl,” Clarke said turning to Madi. “Do you want Bellamy to show us how to braid your hair?”

Madi shrugged. “Sure. I don’t care who does it, I just want it braided.”

Clarke chuckled. “Okay, that’s that then. I’ll get these plates in the sink and we’ll move this party to the living room. You want to go pick out a movie, Madi?”

Madi ran off and Bellamy got up with her to help bring everything back to the kitchen. “I’ll need a squirt bottle, a brush, a comb, and a hair tie.”

Clarke bit back her laugh at how serious he sounded. “Yes, sir,” she saluted and he shoved her playfully. She let herself laugh at him that time.

\-----------------------------

“I don’t understand where these bumps are coming from!” Clarke mumbled. An hour and a half later, Clarke was sitting cross legged on the couch behind Madi who was sitting on a stepstool in front of her. Bellamy was on the couch next to her, mostly watching the Tangled movie that Madi had chosen, but he’d lean over every once in a while to direct Clarke’s fingers.

He chuckled a little, closer to Clarke’s ear than she’d been aware he was, and pointed to the comb. “Smooth it out with the comb when you grab the strand you want to add, remember?” 

“I am,” Clarke insisted under her breath. He leaned back against the couch with another chuckle and a shake of his head, taking a sip from his mug.

“Auntie, can we be done now? My head hurts,” Madi complained.

Clarke sighed. “I’m sorry, of course, sweetie. I think I’m just about done.” She reached the base of Madi’s head and just tied it off the rest in a ponytail. 

Madi clambered up on the couch between her and Bellamy and tucked herself into Clarke’s side. Clarke caught Bellamy’s gaze at the two of them. 

“Thanks,” she said softly. “It was one on the very long list of things I wasn't really prepared to have to know.”

His lips twitched up a little. “You’re too hard on yourself. But either way, I was happy to help. I’m a little stunned, actually, that I remembered after all this time.”

“Kind of like riding a bike?” she asked with a grin.

He smiled wide. “Yeah, I guess so.” He looked back behind him, towards the door. “I should probably be going. Let you girls have your day together.” He looked down at Madi. “Thanks for letting me show your aunt how to braid your hair, munchkin.”

Madi tore her focus from the movie. “No problem,” she shrugged.

“Madi!” Clarke chided. “Maybe say thank you to _him_ too?”

Madi turned her look to Clarke with a confused expression. “Why? He’s the one who said thank you.”

“Because it’s polite,” Clarke insisted, staring her three year old down. In her periphery, she caught Bellamy biting his lip to keep from laughing at the exchange.

Madi rolled her eyes and turned back to Bellamy, “Thank you Bellamy for braiding my hair,” she said robotically and Clarke sighed and looked up at him. 

“It was my pleasure,” Bellamy responded. Madi turned back to Clarke, who nodded her approval, then back to the movie. Bellamy stood and Clarke was about to do the same, to walk him out, but he shook his head. “Stay there, I’m good. I think I can find my way,” he teased, nodding towards the door not 10 feet away. 

She let out a huff. “You don’t want to stay for the ending of the movie?”

He glanced back at the screen and shook his head. “Nah, I know how it ends.”

Her eyebrows lifted. “Watch this movie a lot, do you?” she teased. 

“Guys, shh! This is one of my favorite parts!” Madi demanded, the lit up paper lanterns floating high in the dark sky above the boats as the song started.

Both Clarke and Bellamy exchanged a look and snickered at Madi’s insistence. Clarke dropped her voice down to just above a whisper. “So?” she asked again, genuinely wanting to hear about Bellamy’s Disney watch habits. “What happens at the end?”

His smile faded a little as he looked at her. “Same thing that always does. The guy gets the girl.”

Clarke narrowed her eyes at him. “Mmmhmm. And how do you know it’s not the _girl_ that gets the _guy_?”

He averted his gaze and nodded. “Good point. Either way, they end up together.”

“Right, together,” she echoed, trying to figure out why that struck a chord. “Anyway. Enjoy the rest of your weekend. See you in the morning at school.”

He looked at her again before leaving. “You too, Princess.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really enjoyed writing this one and welcoming some new characters to the story and planting that seed in each of them that draw they have towards the other. 
> 
> Also, I know it's super cheesy and possibly overplayed to have Bell be the one to know to braid Madi's hair, but I couldn't resist lol
> 
> Thanks everyone! See you next week!
> 
> Come hang out with me on [tumblr]() if you'd like!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I'm switching my expected update days officially from Friday to Saturdays, lol. With school going on during the week for my kiddos, I have next to no time to get editting done, unless I stay up super late. Hope that's okay for everyone! There may be some weeks where you get an early update, but I think it's safe to Saturdays will be the norm.
> 
> As always, your comments make me stupid amounts of happy and I'm so glad to hear you're all still enjoying it! Thank you!!!
> 
> Also, just FYI, this story obviously deals with the subject of loss of friends, parents, and all the emotions that might come with that, so keep that in mind as you read in case that's something you need to be prepared for.

“Oh thank goodness!” Clarke exclaimed as she threw the door open on a Thursday morning a couple weeks later. Bellamy had woken up to a fresh blanket of snow on the ground, so deep he couldn’t even see the dormant winter grass poking up through the white or the bottom step of his porch. Before he left for the school, he wanted to make sure Clarke and Madi were going to be able to get there alright. He knew she was from New York, so he figured she’d know what Eastern winter snows would be like, but just in case.

He laughed at her relief as she lunged for his wrist and yanked him inside. “Everything okay? Just wanted to check in on you two before I head out.”

Clarke shook her head furiously. “Nope, everything is absolutely not okay. Because I am a fu - freaking idiot,” she caught herself before swearing in front of Madi, who was finishing up some cereal at the island.

“Hey Mads,” Bellamy greeted, walking over to give her a fist bump that he’d taught her last week.

“Hi Bellamy. Auntie Clarke is going crazy.”

“I can see that,” he agreed, smiling over at Clarke. “You’re not an idiot, by the way.”

“Oh no, I definitely am,” Clarke mumbled. She was running around the room, rummaging around in her bag, moving pillows around while simultaneously trying not to spill the mug of coffee she was carrying with her everywhere. “Dam - dang it! Where the hel - heck is it?” 

Bellamy sighed.

“See?” Madi prompted, raising her eyebrows at him.

He chuckled softly. “I got her,” he told the little girl, ruffling her hair. He walked over to Clarke, snatching her mug out of her hand, despite her protests. He set it down on an end table and gripped her shoulders lightly. Her blouse wasn’t even buttoned yet, revealing her tank top underneath, her bare feet still needed shoes and if he wasn’t mistaken she had mascara on only one eye. “Clarke, stop. What is going on?” 

She sighed. “My sketchbook. I promised the students I’d bring it in. It’s the one that I started when I was their age. Some of them were making comments about how _sure art was easy when you’re good at it_ and I wanted to show them where I started and how, with hard work and patience, they’d get better. To show them that anyone can be an artist,” she explained hurriedly.

“Sure. And you can’t find it?”

“No,” she emphasized, shaking her head and starting to run around again. “I put it _right here_ last night, I swear! And I’m not even ready and it fuc - freaking _snowed_ last night and I have to figure out how to put the stupid chains on my car still.”

“And I need a braid!” Madi called out.

“You’re getting a ponytail today babe, sorry,” Clarke called back.

“Okay, let me help,” he offered.

“No, Bellamy, you have to go too, I’ll just - I’ll be fine. It’ll be fine,” she insisted, sounding like she was trying to convince herself more than him. 

“I’m sure it will be. But you know I have a free period first anyway, so _let me help_.”

Clarke closed her eyes briefly and scrunched her face in the way that he learned she did when she was trying to force herself to give in. “Fine. Thank you. Can you do Madi’s hair? No wait! The chains. No, her hair. I can’t ask you to get down on the driveway to put the chains on,” she shook her head as she dropped to the floor to look under the couch.

Bellamy gave her a look. “Okay, why don’t I just take the both of you? My truck already has snow tires on it. We just have to put her carseat in it. That’ll be easier.” Clarke popped her head up and opened her mouth, presumably to argue but he held a hand up. “Just let it happen, Princess. And I will absolutely do Madi’s braid,” he told her, already heading towards the bathroom where Clarke kept the stuff for Madi’s hair. Over the past couple of weeks, he’d spent a lot of time here, and them at his house. It had started off slow, only if one of them needed something that they were out of in their own house or had a question or something, but then it shifted to something more friendly. Movies, beers, pizza, talking, hanging out. 

He’d taken her to the football game parties that rotated houses, once at Murphy and Emori’s, one at Monty and Harper’s, so he was already familiar with Madi’s car seat and how to get it situated in his truck. If he was being honest, he’d been thinking more and more lately about how much more convenient it would be to just carpool to and from work every day anyway.

Something caught his eye on his way back as he walked past the pantry. He narrowed his eyes and walked in there, pulling out what looked like the missing sketchbook. “Hey, Clarke, is this it? I found it in the pantry,” he called as he walked back into the living room.

Clarke’s eyes widened when she saw him holding it. “Yes! Oh for the love of - the _pantry_?” She huffed. “Thank you, Bell, seriously, you just said my as - butt,” she told him as she came to take it from his hands. 

He ignored the way his stomach flipped at her calling him _Bell_. His stomach had been doing that a lot lately and he had gotten so good at pushing it away that it was practically a skill he could add to his resume at this point. He walked over to Madi as Clarke darted upstairs to finish getting ready.

“She left it in there when she went to get my cereal,” Madi said nonchalantly.

His fingers faltered a bit in her hair. “Wait, you knew it was in there? Why didn’t you say anything?” he asked incredulously.

Madi shrugged. “She didn’t ask me,” she told him like it was obvious. 

He bit his lip and glanced behind him at the stairs. “Okay, maybe we just keep that between us, okay?” Madi nodded and his fingers followed the motion. “Just, next time, maybe offer up the information instead of waiting to be asked, got it, munchkin?” he asked, tying off the braid and tickling her in the side. 

She giggled and squirmed away from him. “Okay, okay! Oh my goodness, I got it.” 

He laughed. “Alright, let’s go get your boots and coat on and your carseat in the truck.”

\-----------------------------

Bellamy leaned back against the side of his truck after school was out that day, scrolling through his phone. There was an email with pictures attached from Octavia, who had spent the day touring the Colosseum in Rome and he chuckled softly at the fact that O had never really cared about history before, but she knew how important it was to him, so she’d taken the time to explore the historical parts of the city so he could live vicariously through her. It was thoughtful, but he missed his sister and was counting down the days until summer and she’d get to come back to Arkadia.

After O’s dad had died from a heart attack while their mother was still pregnant with O, he’d taken it upon himself, even as a child, to help out with O. He’d actually liked O’s dad. The man was kind, and caring, and while Bellamy was not his biological child (his own father had run out on them when Bellamy was two), he made it clear that he was sticking around and loved Bellamy like his own. His mother was happy, and a not insignificant part of her died the day he did. 

His mother was a warrior, a courageous woman who would (and had) done everything to keep a roof over their head and food on the table, but sometimes it just wasn’t enough and she had to work more and more to keep them afloat. So Bellamy stepped up and helped with Octavia when Aurora worked, guiding her through homework and boys and sticking up to bullies and reading to her every night, making sure she always knew she was loved and cared for. Even though she’d roll her eyes at his stories of the Greek or Roman gods, the ancient battles and historical facts, she’d always beg him for _one more, Bell, please?_

And when he was old enough to get a job of his own, he spent every free second after school and football (the only selfish thing he allowed for himself) and on weekends working to help his mother out. It was hard, but it was their life and Bellamy never spent much time regretting or wishing things were any different. It didn’t come without struggles between the three of them though, but he’d always just seen it as the way things were.

Eventually, he graduated and attended the local university to get his teaching degree and still be close enough to help out at home, and when O left for school on the other side of the country, wanting to experience something new, he did the same and went the opposite direction, joining his history professor on a trip to Thailand to help start a primary school there. It was a paid trip, but he missed Arkadia and his mother, who now owned the diner she’d worked at for years when the previous owner left it to her in his Will, so Bellamy moved back and started working at the middle school and had saved enough to buy a house in a mid-range neighborhood.

“What’s so funny?” a voice asked and he looked up from his reverie and smiled at the blonde in front of him, her bag on one shoulder and Madi wrapped up on her other side. 

He shook his head absently, pocketing his phone and pushing off the truck. He reached for Clarke’s bag so she could buckle Madi in the car seat. “Just O - she sent some pictures from Rome.”

Clarke chuckled. “I’ll bet they’re beautiful. She’s so talented. Always had such a sharp eye.”

Bellamy climbed in the driver’s seat, grateful he’d thought to start the vehicle up while waiting for Clarke to be done so the cab would be nice and warm. With the snow came at least another ten degree drop from the already cold temperatures. 

He laughed. “She does, except these particular ones basically have her making funny faces and goofing around.”

She let out a bark of laughter as she climbed in next to him. “Yeah, that sounds like her too. I can’t tell you the crazy amount of silly pictures we took in college. Let me see,” she requested, holding her hand out for his phone. 

He passed it over and started pulling the truck out of the lot. “Yeah, I’m guessing those are probably stories I’d rather not hear about.” He smirked and glanced to his side to see Clarke’s jaw open in mock offense.

“I’ll have you know we were _always_ on our best beha - yeah, okay, fair point,” she conceded. “These are so fun, she looks like she’s having a great time in Italy.” When he only hummed in response, she added in observation, “You miss her.” 

“Yeah. I really do. We’ve spent most of our adult lives doing things we never would have dreamed we’d do as kids and yeah, at some point, I just want her to come home. But I’m glad she’s happy, I really am,” he confirmed, biting the inside of his cheek to keep his emotions in check. He felt Clarke’s hand on his arm, and he just about lost some of that control.

“I’m sorry, Bell. Summer will be here before you know it.” 

His breathing was a little uneven, but he tried to cover it by clearing his throat. “You ought to get yourself some gloves before your fingers fall off,” he commented, trying to tease her, but it ended up a little awkward. 

She seemed to realize what she’d done and withdrew her hand quickly, which hadn’t been his direct intention, but either way, it helped to steady his heartbeat some.

“Believe it or not, I have some. I was just just so frazzled this morning, I didn’t think about it. I’m lucky I have on matching boots, honestly,” she chuckled to herself, glancing back at Madi, who he could see roll her eyes in his rear view mirror. 

“How did the class go?”

She hummed. “Good, I think. Some of them are a little harder to connect to than others. Do you have Charlotte Camp in any of your classes?” she asked. 

He let out a huff. “Oh I do,” he affirmed. “And I can probably guess at where you’re going with this.”

“Yeah,” Clarke responded. “I get the feeling her parents kind of write her off? Just a few things she’s said flippantly over the past few weeks.”

He nodded. “I met them at parent-teacher conferences in the fall. I expressed some concerns about her behavior in class and they didn’t seem to really care. Just told me they were busy and it was up to me to figure it out. I try to engage her and not play into her banter, but she still tries to distance herself.”

“She’s a really talented artist, I’ve glanced at her drawings when she thinks no one is watching. If I could just help her direct that anger - ” Clarke inhaled sharply. There was something endlessly endearing listening to how much Clarke cared about her students. It was something he’d noticed over the past few weeks of them spending time together. She was invested, focused, truly _loved_ those kids and believed in what she was doing. He could relate. “Anyway. How was your day?”

“It went well, nothing really out of the ordinary. What about you, Mads?” he asked in the backseat.

“Ethan tried to steal Hope’s cookies, but I told him not to do that,” she told them. “Then Ms. Delilah told him that too, and he finally gave them back.” She sounded irritated, but he couldn’t figure out why. He and Clarke exchanged a look.

“Isn’t that a good thing?” Clarke asked, looking back.

“Well, sure. I just don’t know why he had to wait for Ms. Delilah instead of just listening to _me_.”

He choked back a laugh and noticed Clarke’s fist at her mouth, probably doing the same thing. “Well,” he began, trying to maintain his composure. “Either way, good for you for sticking up for your friend.”

“Absolutely, good job sweet girl.” Clarke added. She turned back around and he could practically hear the gears in her head turning round and round. “Wait, where are we?” she asked, looking around, clearly having noticed that they weren’t headed home. 

He side-glanced at her with a smile. “Well, this is Madi’s first snow, right?” he asked. The idea had come to him during the third period, when one of his students mentioned that they were headed somewhere to have a snowman building contest. Madi had been born in California and unless they’d taken her to the mountain in the short couple years of her life, then she’d never actually seen snow before.

“Sort of, but basically yeah…” Clarke trailed off.

“Well, I thought she might like the chance to play in it some, head over to the park. There’s a giant field and Raven said she’d bring - ” he stopped himself abruptly when he turned his head towards Clarke while stopped at a red light. She was staring at him and while he’d gotten to know her better recently, he couldn’t figure out what was going through her head. Bellamy was suddenly terrified that he’d overstepped. “Unless you don’t want to? Or would rather it just be the two of you? Because I can just drop you two off and come back to pick you up later…” he suggested, averting his eyes from hers and turning back to the road. 

“No!” she said suddenly, a little too loud for the small cab they were in, but nonetheless he let out the breath he’d been holding. Bellamy felt her turn towards the back. “Madi, you want to go play in the snow?”

Bellamy couldn't help but glance in his rearview mirror at her to see what her response would be, pleasantly surprised when her eyes lit up and her grin widened. She wiggled around as much as her seat restraints would allow. 

“Snow! Snow! Hope told me that you can make _angels_ , Auntie Clarke! Can we make angels?”

Clarke let out a breathy laugh. “Sure we can.”

“Do you even know how to? Maybe Bellamy can teach us!”

He chuckled at how offended Clarke obviously was. “Hey! I grew up with snow, missy! I know how to make a snow angel thank you very much!” Madi giggled and Clarke turned back to him. “I swear, sometimes I think she likes you more than me,” she rolled her eyes.

“Well, I mean, can you blame her?” he grinned.

“Ha ha, so what were you saying about Raven?”

“Right. I texted her a bit ago when I had the idea and she’s taking off early and bringing some discs to sled on. There’s a good little hill in this park,” he explained, pulling into the lot. “Not too steep, but still sloped enough to get a little speed,” he smirked mischievously. 

“What’s sledding?” Madi asked as Clarke unbuckled her. 

“It’s like a slide on the snow,” he told her with a wiggle of his eyebrows, making her giggle in excitement. 

Clarke looked at him and laughed. “Alright you two, let’s do this.”

***

Not only had Bellamy asked Raven to bring sleds, but extra blankets and gloves too, which came in handy considering Clarke’s hands were getting numb about five minutes after they’d gotten out of his truck. She could see he’d been hesitant to plan something like this without asking, and if Clarke was honest, she was _exhausted_ from her day. But the minute she saw Madi running her little legs as fast they would go, marveling at the footprints left behind and her eyes lit up with the wonder of her first snow, Clarke’s fatigue drained away and she let herself run too, chasing after the three year old.

She and Raven chased Madi around while Bellamy watched from one of the benches, seemingly content to let them have their fun. Madi screeched when one of them would catch her, sweeping the little girl off her feet and plopping her back down in a pile of snow.

“Snow angels Auntie!” Madi shouted towards her and Raven took a seat next to Bellamy while Clarke grabbed Madi’s gloved hand and they went to go find a section of untouched snow for their angels.

“Okay, sweet girl, now you have to lay down nice and easy, arms down at your side.” Madi did as Clarke instructed and then looked back at her. 

“Now what?”

“Now move your arms and legs up and down in the snow - yep like that. Now come here,” Clarke smiled and helped Madi up, propping her on her hip. “See? It looks like an angel.”

Madi giggled. “I want to do another one! And you too Auntie! Oh! And - ” Madi looked back behind them and started waving wildly over to Raven and Bellamy. Clarke smiled and watched as the pair made their way over to them. “Look what I did!”

“Kiddo that’s awesome!” Raven exclaimed. “Best snow angel I ever did see,” she added, poking Madi in the stomach.

“Very cool,” Bellamy agreed.

“Now everyone has to do one!” Madi commanded, wiggling until Clarke set her down so she could take off running. “Okay, Bellamy goes _there_ , Raven _there_ , Auntie Clarke right _here_ , and I will be here!” she declared. They all exchanged laughs and did as they were told. 

Clarke laid down next to Madi and spread her arms wide. It had been _years_ since she’d made a snow angel. She’d made Wells and Glass go with her to Tahoe one winter just because she missed the snow so badly. They tried snowboarding - which only Glass seemed to have an actual talent for - and sledding and made dozens of snow angels. 

The emotion that the memory evoked was suddenly all consuming, coming as suddenly as a riptide, threatening to pull her under without warning. Her heart hammered and her vision blurred with the tears that sprung up. The blood pounding in her ears caused her hearing to begin to fade until the laughter of her friends and niece sounded distant instead of only a couple feet away. Her arms stopped moving, halfway up, and it was all she could do to work at pressing her panic down before Madi could see and Clarke ruined her first experience with snow. She swallowed thickly. 

_Because it’s important for you to cry. It’s important that Madi knows it’s okay to be sad and to cry._

Wells’s words from the letter she kept safe in a chest of memories in her closet came back to her. In those first few months after the accident, she couldn’t hide her tears if she’d even bothered to try. She _did_ cry in front of Madi, held the little girl while she sobbed herself to sleep for her parents every night, told her that it was okay to be sad. 

But at some point, Clarke had to pick herself up and push down the sobs that threatened to overwhelm her. She just couldn’t keep being sad, she had to figure out a way to move forward. But times like this, the times when it came without warning were the worst, the hardest to just shove aside.

Wells and Glass should be here with them. They should be making snow angels with their daughter, teaching her to throw a snowball, situating her safely between their legs on a sled as they careened down a hill. Instead they’d never get to do any of that and Clarke felt like the sadness was choking her.

“Hey, you okay?” a soft voice asked next to her and she turned, nodding at Raven a little too enthusiastically. Clarke forced her arm to move, and though the motion felt clunky, like her arm wasn’t really hers, she was able to bring her hand up to wipe at her face so she could see her friend clearly. Raven was looking at her with knowing eyes, and gave her a small smile in support. “You need to go?” she asked quietly and Clarke shook her head. Madi needed to have this as a special, happy memory, and not a sad one. Raven nodded in understanding.

On Raven’s other side, she saw Bellamy lift his head up from his snow angel, his now wet curls clinging to his forehead. He must’ve noticed that Clarke was having a hard time because the smile on his face faded when he saw the emotion Clarke was having a difficult time hiding. He stood and came to stand at her feet, offering her his hand without a word. 

Clarke stared at it only a moment before sitting up and letting him help her the rest of her way. Next to her, Raven was standing as well and heading over to help Madi out of her snow angel. Once she was up on her feet, she wobbled only slightly, but it was enough that Bellamy seemed to notice and he wrapped an arm around her back, holding her steady. 

The embrace should’ve felt awkward; she’d expected it to. Instead, it was comforting, warm despite how wet his jacket was, supportive. Clarke hadn’t realized they’d gotten so close in the past few weeks for that shift to happen, but all at once, she appreciated that it had. Another part of Wells’s letter came back to her. 

_It’s okay if you end up finding a new best friend, just so you know. I don’t mind._

She looked over at Raven, who had taken Madi over to the bench to grab the sleds, glancing back at her and Bellamy every few seconds, and then she looked up at Bellamy who was looking at her with concern, but not needing to ask what was wrong or what she needed, seemingly just instinctively knowing. 

She hadn’t planned on having best friends again, scoffed even when she'd read that part of Wells’s letter. It would just be too painful if she lost them too, she figured. And even at that moment, her instinct was to run away, to push Raven and Bellamy away from helping her. But looking at them now, Clarke was discovering that she might not have a choice in the matter. That some people just enter your life and heart and that it might not be the worst thing.

“You good?” Bellamy asked, voice low, tentative.

Clarke nodded and spoke for the first time since Wells flooded her mind. “Yeah, I’m good. Thank you,” she told him, placing her hand on his chest. “For all of this. For - just everything. Madi is having the time of her life. I am too, for the record.” His smile widened. “Just - I wish they were here to see it,” she added.

He looked over at Madi who was gesturing wildly at each board, probably deciding who would take each color. “I know. Me too.” She knew that Bellamy didn’t know them, but something in his voice told her that maybe he did get it. And Clarke realized he didn’t really speak of his childhood too often and she wondered where the empathy came from. If he’d lost someone too that he would be able to speak about it like that. 

She felt her heartbeat resume its normal beat and her panic lessened. She turned to Bellamy with a grin. “First one to the hill is a rotten egg!” she shouted suddenly, starting to run to the girls at the table. 

“A rotten egg? What are you, six?” he called after, laughing. “You’re on!” and he raced towards her. Raven and Madi shrieked at the sudden onslaught but caught on quickly and started running towards the hill, Raven carrying both her and Madi’s sled. Clarke grabbed the blue one and raced after them, Bellamy hot on their heels with the green one. 

The more she ran, the icy chill of the air whipping through her damp hair, the more the sharp prick of sadness that had consumed her turned into more of a dull ache. 

They spent the rest of the afternoon sliding down the hill, Madi joining Clarke on her sled first, then Raven, then Bellamy, before deciding she was ready to try it on her own. Raven reached out a hand to hold onto Clarke when Madi began down the hill, helping to ease her worries at letting Madi attempt the hill without help. 

She did great though and only fell off at the very end, but Clarke resisted the urge to scoop her up and fuss over her and instead just helped her up and made sure she was okay.

By the time the sun had started to set, no amount or thickness of gloves or jackets were able to keep the cold out and even Madi had started shivering, so they packed it in, deciding to head back to Clarke’s for hot chocolate. Raven volunteered to pick up pizza on the way, and Clarke changed Madi into some sweats and a long sleeved shirt she always kept as spares in her bag and soon they were all strapped back into Bellamy’s truck headed for home.

After a few minutes, Clarke felt Bellamy nudge her arm and she looked over at him. He nodded his head back towards Madi and Clarke twisted around to see that sure enough, Madi was already passed out in her carseat. 

“She looks so innocent like this. You almost forget she’s been calling the shots all afternoon,” Clarke chuckled. Bellamy joined in on her laughter, shaking his head. 

“You think she had fun?” he asked.

Clarke straightened her head from where it had slacked against the head rest. “Are you kidding? You just made that kid’s life,” Clarke pointed out. “Thank you, again. I think I could probably sleep for days now though, it’s been a while since I’ve been that active.”

Bellamy chuckled again. “It was no problem. All I really did was drive though, you were the one that made her afternoon so special, Clarke. She really loves you.”

Clarke took a shaky breath. “I really love her too.”

The truth was, she couldn’t imagine her life without Madi. That little girl had grown so much in such a short period of time, but Clarke couldn’t imagine not honoring Wells and Glass’s wishes and raising her. However hard it could be sometimes.

They pulled in and Bellamy shut the car off while Clarke tried to rouse the little girl. Madi yawned sleepily. “Auntie Clarke? Can I just go to bed?”

“You sure, sweetie? We have pizza and hot chocolate. You didn’t have any dinner.” Madi mumbled something incoherently and Clarke sighed. “Okay, sweet girl.” She knew that Madi would probably wake up ravenous in the morning, but oh well. Poor girl was tuckered out. 

“You want me to bring her up? You look almost ready to pass out yourself,” Bellamy pointed out and Clarke’s stomach did the little flippy thing it always did when he was thoughtful like that. He spent all afternoon playing in the snow with his neighbor and her little girl and now he was offering to put a child that wasn’t even his own down so she’d have a break. 

It wasn’t the time to think about it, she would never be allowed the time, but she couldn’t help but give herself the smallest moment of indulgence, a literal half second where this was normal, where they were together and she and Madi could actually have him as a possible permanent part of their lives. But she’d never be able to allow herself to find out. 

She smiled at him, knowing his offer was genuine though, that he’d be more than happy to carry the little girl upstairs. “Sure, thanks, Bell.” 

“Is she ok sleeping in this?” he asked and she nodded. 

“Yeah, just tuck her in and make sure she has her blankie. It’s purple... should be on her bed somewhere. And her bunny. You sure you don’t mind?”

“Nope,” he insisted, dipping into the backseat to unbuckle the little girl. He pulled her out and she snuggled into his chest. She watched as he adjusted her so she’d be secure and started up the walkway. “Go sit down, I’ll be down in a minute,” he threw over his shoulder. 

She nodded, though he wouldn’t be able to see her, and she grabbed their stuff out of his truck, not bothering to switch the carseat back to her car. Clarke knew he’d just insist they grab a ride with him again the next day.

She barely made it inside before she was dumping her stuff unceremoniously in the living room and collapsing on the couch, curling up with a pillow for a minute before groaning and dragging herself up to grab some leggings and a baggy sweatshirt from the laundry room, more desperate to be out of the clothes she’d worn to the school that day than to accidentally fall asleep on the couch before Raven even arrived with the pizza.

Raven walked in about the same time as Clarke emerged changed, apparently having already changed as well, though Clarke couldn’t figure out how since she’d left not long before them. 

“Hey everyone! Food is here!” she yelled and Clarke rushed to shush her. “What?” Raven asked, looking around. “Where is everyone?”

“Bellamy is putting Madi down, she fell asleep in the car on the way home.”

“Huh.”

“What?” Clarke asked, narrowing her eyes but Raven just shrugged. 

“Nothing. Little spitfire put out a lot of energy at the park, no wonder she fell asleep.” Clarke had a feeling that wasn’t what the _huh_ had been for, but she let it pass without probing. “More pizza for us. Got any whiskey and cider?” 

“Pantry,” Clarke pointed and Raven strode over there while Clarke stuffed some pizza in her mouth. She hadn’t realized how hungry she was until that moment. She used one hand to eat while pulling three whiskey glasses down and putting a teapot on the stove for hot water. Raven went off in her search, emerging from the pantry moments later with a bottle filled with amber liquid and three packets of apple cider. 

“So did _you_ have fun?” Raven asked, leaning her forearms on the island and grabbing her own slice. 

Clarke gave her a look. “Of course I did. I grew up in snow, remember?”

Raven shrugged. “Sure. But it’s been a while, hasn’t it? Not much snow in sunny California.”

Clarke swallowed her bite. “Not really. But we went to Tahoe a couple times and it isn’t like I haven’t been back for Christmas every once in a while.”

“Madi’s first, though?”

Clarke nodded. “Yeah, she just turned three last May. Wells and Glass hadn’t had a chance to take her to any snow yet,” she told her, biting the inside of her cheek to keep her emotions in check. “It snowed some while we were at Lake Erie on our way over here, but it didn’t stick so she didn’t get to play in it. What about you? Did you have a good time?”

"Hell yeah. I love snow," Raven said with a smirk. Then she hummed thoughtfully. “I met them once, you know.” Clarke turned her gaze from staring at the marks on the island to meet Raven’s eyes. “At a party when I came to visit. You and O were hanging with them, playing beer pong, I think? Or quarters, I can’t remember. Right before graduation, because Glass was newly pregnant and the only sober one there.”

Clarke searched her memory for the times that Raven was there with them, since it had only happened a few times. She finally thought she had a hold of it, and remembered introducing Raven and Wells. She knew Wells had had feelings for Glass for a while at that point, but she remembered a look in Glass’s eye while she watched Raven and Wells chat that made Clarke think that his feelings might finally be reciprocated. 

“I remember that night. Wells and Glass got together a few months after. I think it might have been you that finally forced them to face their feelings,” Clarke told her with a smirk. “I think Glass was a little jealous that you and Wells hit it off so well, even if it wasn’t like that.”

Raven let out a bark of laughter and Clarke chuckled with her as she filled their mugs with hot water and stirred up the cider mix and whiskey. “Yeah well, leave it to me to force confrontation,” she joked. 

Clarke heard footsteps on the stairs and Bellamy appeared from around the corner. “Who’s Raven confronting this time?”

Raven’s jaw opened in mock offense. “Hey. I don’t do it _that_ often.”

Bellamy scoffed. “Please. There isn’t a thought in your head that stays behind your lips,” he challenged and Clarke clamped her lips together in an effort to stifle her laugh. She might still be getting to know Raven, but that seemed to track very well from what she _did_ know of the woman. 

“Oh I can guarantee you there are _plenty_ of thoughts that stay in my head,” she retorted, staring him down.

Clarke watched Bellamy’s eyes narrow for a moment before he looked away and shook his head. 

“So,” Clarke cleared her throat, changing the subject. “She go down okay?”

“Yep. She started stirring when I was tucking her in but I sang to her and she fell back to sleep pretty quickly.”

Clarke nodded in acknowledgement. “Sunshine?”

“Actually, I sang A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes, what I used to sing to Octav - ”

“Octavia, I remember,” Clarke smiled. 

“Is that okay?” he asked, suddenly looking hesitant, like he’d done something wrong, when that couldn’t be farther from the truth. 

“Absolutely. I’m sure she loved that. We’re working our way through the Disney classics, so maybe we’ll watch Cinderella next. She’d probably love it.”

“Oh! Or Aladdin. I think she’d love Jasmine,” Raven interjected. “Fierce, independent.”

Clarke laughed. “Yes, just what she needs more of,” she joked. 

Bellamy chuckled as well, and scratched the back of his neck. “Well, I’ll leave you guys to your evening. Thanks for letting me be a part of the snow day, that was fun,” he added.

“You don’t have to go, Blake,” Raven told him, sliding the box of pizza over to him. 

“I know, but I’ve got some work to get done anyway, so I’ll just take a slice to go.” He reached for the box, pulling one out and taking a bite. 

Clarke caught his eyes, holding his gaze, wanting him to know how appreciative she was of all he’d done for her that day. He smiled and ducked his head, breaking the contact. 

“See you tomorrow morning?” he asked, assuming what Clarke knew he would - that he’d be driving them to the school again. 

“Sounds good.”

He nodded back and waved to Raven who threw up a peace sign to him and then he was gone. 

“Let’s take this to the couch, I’m exhausted,” Raven said, exasperated. Clarke grabbed the carton and her mug, while Raven grabbed her own mug _and_ the one they’d set aside for Bellamy. Clarke looked at her amusedly. “What? He’s not going to drink it and you have to work tomorrow. Leave no whiskey left behind, I say,” she told her with a smile. 

Clarke just chuckled and they settled in, eating quietly for a few minutes. 

“So he’s putting your kid to bed, hmm?” Raven asked, her finger tracing mug’s rim. 

Clarke felt her cheeks redden. She had a feeling Raven would bring that up. “Yeah, he offered since I was so exhausted,” she told her friend, trying to project indifference. “He’s a good friend.”

Raven just hummed, and Clarke could practically see the words in her head, fighting to come out. But they’d had this conversation before. She’d already told Raven that nothing was happening with Bellamy - and that nothing would. Nothing had changed in the weeks since and as grateful as Clarke was for his friendship and help and kindness, she was determined for that to stay the same. Besides -

“A guy from the school - the health teacher, actually, asked if I wanted to grab some coffee sometime. I think he was angling for a Valentine’s date because he tried casually dropping that in, but I had already volunteered to chaperone the dance the school is putting on.”

Raven’s face scrunched. “Valentine’s? That’s not exactly a great first date day… time… whatever,” she waved off. “So what’s his name?”

“Why?” Clarke asked, suspicious. It was a small town, so she knew the odds were on Raven having heard of him, and she was already planning on asking Harper for an opinion on him. Raven only shrugged and Clarke sighed. “Cillian.”

She’d been eating lunch on her own one day the week before, since Bellamy was stuck in a meeting with another teacher and he walked right up and sat down across from her, extending his hand for her shake and introduced himself. 

*

_“Hey, I’m Cillian.”_

_“Clarke. Nice to meet you,” she said politely, shaking his hand._

_“You’re the one with the cute little three year old in the daycare - brunette, bossy?” he asked with a handsome smile, the kind that you could trust instantly._

_“Uh, yeah. Madi. How did you - ?” Clarke asked, wary of anyone who knew her kid before her. Even though she got a good feeling from him, she still wanted to be careful. He was handsome though, kind eyes, confident without seeming too arrogant._

_“I’m the health teacher slash school nurse. I was called into the daycare - ”_

_“ - for Madi?” Clarke asked, worried and sitting up straighter. She looked towards the door and debated whether she should run or if she’d seem a little less crazy if she at least walked to the daycare._

_“No, no, no, I’m sorry,” Cillian said instantly and Clarke felt her shoulders relax a little. “Another little one. I just noticed Madi since she was new and Delilah told me she was the new art teacher’s, so I asked around.”_

_“Oh,” Clarke breathed out in relief. “Okay. And uh, yeah, she’s mine. Well, sort of. It’s a long story. But she’s - was - my best friend’s daughter. He passed last June.”_

_“Oh, I’m so sorry,” he told her earnestly. “It seems like Madi is in good hands though, she’s a bright kid. Marched right up to me while I was treating Reese and demanded I rewrap her wrist.”_

_Clarke’s jaw dropped open. “She did not!”_

_Cillian laughed. “She did. But it’s okay, I explained I couldn’t wrap it too tight because I didn’t want to cut off circulation. She seemed fine with that answer.”_

_“I’m so sorry.”_

_“Don’t be.” Cillian stood, walked a little nearer to her and placed his hand next to hers on the table. Not close enough to touch, but close enough for it to have been intentional. “Anyway, since you’re new to town, I’d, uh, love to show you around, maybe? Take you out to coffee sometime? What’re you doing for Valentine’s? Or is that too forward?” he asked with a grin._

_Clarke blushed. She was flattered. It’s not like she was looking for anything - especially with the constant pounding of her pulse and the stomach flips whenever she was near Bellamy, but it was nice, being looked at and pursued a little. “I’m actually volunteering to chaperone the dance on Valentine’s.”_

_“The dance, right. Shoot, I completely forgot I volunteered as well.”_

_“Right. And as for coffee - I don’t know,” she hesitated. “Madi - ”_

_“ - is welcome to join us, of course, if you don’t have anyone to watch her.”_

_“I’ll think about it, thanks though,” she smiled and he winked and left her then, his fingertips brushing her wrist lightly. He was flirting, and she’d be lying if she said she wasn’t at least slightly interested. Something felt off, but she chalked that up to being a little rusty in the date department. Maybe it wouldn't be terrible to entertain the idea of getting back out there._

*

Raven pursed her lips. “Cillian? I don’t - the name sounds familiar, maybe Harp mentioned him once or twice, but I don’t know.”

Clarke shrugged. “It doesn’t matter. I’m probably not going out with him.”

“Why not?” she asked, raising an eyebrow. “If you’re dead set on keeping your relationship with Blake platonic - ”

“I am,” Clarke confirmed. 

Raven rolled her eyes. “Then? What’s the problem? Thought it had been a while since you’d had a good… distraction?” she asked with a smirk.

“I just - he’s a coworker. I can’t.”

“You do realize you’ll find _some_ reason to reject every man that asks you out, right?”

“Every man? There’s been _one_ , Rae. _One_ man,” Clarke pointed out. Raven glanced at the door and back at her with an obvious look on her face. “ _He_ doesn’t count. He doesn’t feel the same about me - ”

“I knew it! You DO have feelings!” Raven exclaimed.

“Shut up, I do not. I’m just _saying_. It doesn’t matter. I’m not going there, I can’t.”

“Right… why again?”

“Raven,” Clarke begged exasperatedly, not wanting to get into it again. He was too close to her and Madi. They’d ruin their new friendship and she liked where they were, regardless of whether the occasional dream or lingering thoughts agreed or not. Madi adored him, trusted him. If he just disappeared one day because Clarke did something stupid or something, she’d never forgive herself for Madi losing yet another person. 

“Okay. So, Cillian?”

“Maybe after the dance. I want to talk to Harper, who would know him better than I do, anyway. She’ll let me know if there’s any red flags.”

Raven nodded. “After the dance, it is,” she agreed. “Hey, you doing okay, after today? I saw - ” she interrupted herself, clearly referring to what happened earlier. 

Clarke put a hand on her arm. “Yeah, thanks. I just needed… a minute. I don’t always expect it to hit me like that so - violently. You and Bellamy, that really helped…” she trailed off and her phone pinged. 

She pulled her phone out of her pocket. _Finn_.

Can she not have five fucking minutes without something about her love life coming up?

Clarke frowned and put it away, but Raven gave her a look and held her hand out. Clarke shook her head. “No, it’s okay, it’s just Finn.”

“Finn?!” 

Clarke sighed. “Yeah, ever since we ran into each other, he somehow ended up with my phone number and has been wanting to get together. After the first few times I told him thanks but no thanks, and just ignored him, but he just - anyway. I’m sure he’ll stop at some point,” she shrugged, not wanting to worry Raven. But Clarke still had a pit in her stomach.

“He did that for a while after he got back to here, after college. Wouldn’t give up.”

“How’d you get him to stop?”

“Well, it was a little different. He wasn't trying to get back with me, it was more just he wanted to explain and apologize for the millionth time, and I guess try to be friends again?” she told Clarke irritatingly. “But you know, I wasn’t interested in _why_ he did what he did with you. And I was - am - definitely not interested in being friends with him again. So eventually, he just stopped.”

Clarke nodded. “Yeah, I’m sure that’s what will happen too.”

“Should we be worried? Maybe let Miller know?”

Clarke shook her head. “Oh no, no, that’s okay. It's definitely not that big of a deal, it's more annoying than anything. I’m sure it’ll be fine. Like you said, he’ll eventually stop.”

Raven apprised her for a moment, probably searching for insincerity. After being satisfied that Clarke really wasn't too concerned - and she really was trying hard not to be - Raven's shoulders relaxed. “Okay, well, you know I can kick some serious ass if I need to,” Raven said, putting a mock tough face on. Clarke laughed and shoved at Raven, who then got up to look at Clarke’s movie collection. “You have a lot of Disney movies, Griffin.”

“Three year old?” Clarke pointed out. 

“Right. Oh! Here we go!” Raven danced excitedly and went straight to the Blu-Ray player to pop the movie in without telling Clarke what it was. 

She plucked the remote off the table, and plopped back down next to Clarke. She pushed a few buttons and the menu to Jurassic World appeared on the screen. Clarke chuckled and leaned her head on Raven’s shoulder, sighing. “Thanks for this.”

Raven popped a loud kiss on the top of Clarke’s head. “What’re friends for, babe?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and I hope you had fun with this one. Lots of pining in this story lol ❤
> 
> See you next week! Or on my [tumblr](https://dayo488.tumblr.com/), if you want to chat!
> 
> Nicole


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Saturday everyone!
> 
> Thank you so much for all the love and support, it seriously means the world to me! 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

The rest of the week and the next went by uneventfully enough, Bellamy and his students having settled into a good rhythm and while there was still plenty of snow on the ground, with the switching of the months, February brought whispers of the spring ahead. March in Connecticut was still plenty cold, and it wasn’t out of the ordinary for there to still be frost on the ground, but the flowers would start blooming soon and the sun would warm things up a bit and it seemed like the kids were genuinely looking forward to it.

As was Bellamy. He’d always enjoyed the crisp spring mornings, the chill that still resided in the air that burned off to a mild warmth by the afternoon. No more bundling up in a bunch of different layers, or having to wear boots that were way too clunky to be walking up and down the hallways of the school.

But for now, Bellamy was enjoying the snow just fine. The weather was cold, but his heart warmed every time he opened his windows or stepped outside and saw Madi making yet another snow angel in the yard next to his. She was a special kid, a fiery little ball of giggles and smiles, and he loved seeing the snow light up the grin that seemed permanently plastered on her face these days. 

But still, it was nothing compared to the smile that lit up the Earth when Clarke smiled at the little girl. She didn’t always get in the snow with Madi, most often watching from the back deck as Madi left no area of the yard unblemished, sipping on cider or hot chocolate. She’d see him and beckon him over to watch with her or when Madi finally ran out of space, joined him on his porch as Madi did the same to his yard. They’d join her, making snowmen (or women) until their fingers were too numb to move.

He was smitten, if that was even still a thing people were in modern times, with the woman next door. That much was crystal clear now. But while he’d had a few moments where he thought maybe it wasn’t entirely one-sided, mostly she treated him as she did everyone else, and he knew pressuring her while she was still settling in was a bad idea. Besides, it was probably just a silly thing that would pass eventually, born out of proximity and the amount of time they spent together. 

Over the month and half that had passed, she’d quickly become one of his closest friends, that was something he willingly embraced. It was only a little disconcerting how quickly she’d gotten under his skin, since he was one that was comfortable with the people he already knew and had a hard time opening up too deeply with new people. But she wasn’t like that and made it easy for him to let her in. He wasn’t even sure when he’d consciously allowed her past his walls. It was just like all of sudden she was through and he didn’t even really realize what was happening. 

She was one of those people that was effortless to talk to, and even argue with, of which they did often. Not about anything big or too important, but they were different, opposites in most opinions on entertainment and even food and a million other things. But there was something in the opposition, a trusting sort of thing that he couldn’t quite put his finger on.

Bellamy finally quit tossing around his bed, annoyed that even on the weekends he couldn’t sleep in - his biological clock insisted on waking him at the time he needed to for school. When he eventually made his way downstairs, he collapsed on the couch, too tired to even consider using what little energy had gotten him down the stairs and over to his coffee maker to do anything but sink into the soft cushions. He gulped at his coffee, and let his eyes close for a few moments, thinking maybe he’d get to snooze for a couple of hours right there, until his phone dinged.

**_Murphy:_ ** _What’re you up to today? I don’t have to be at the restaurant until 3 today._

_**Bellamy:** Literally nothing_

_**Murphy:** Cool. I’m on my way. I need help with something._

Bellamy groaned and begrudgingly stood to drag his ass back up the stairs to shower. It was the Superbowl the next day over at the Green farm but today was supposed to be just left empty. A day to rest. Still, he was never unhappy to see Murphy. He was one of his closest, oldest friends and he’d always have time for him. 

He unlocked his front door on the way so that when Murphy got there he’d be able to let himself in. It was either that or Murphy would pound on the door waking up every neighbor on the street or he’d destroy Bellamy’s front porch looking for the hideaway key. 

It was a stupidly hilarious game they played. After Murphy had lost the spare key Bellamy gave him when he’d bought the house in the first place, he’d had to change the locks and from then on kept moving the spare around in different hiding spots so Murphy couldn’t find it and lose it again. It drove his friend crazy, which was more than enough entertainment for everyone. He always sent out a group text to everyone else when he moved it again, so they’d know where it was, always not to tell Murphy. Even Emori was on board with keeping it from him. 

Bellamy had just placed his foot on the first stair when he heard a thump from the back. He cocked his head and waited, to see if - there it was again. Bellamy walked warily towards the back of the house, vaguely wondering if Murphy had abandoned any pretense of trying the front door anymore. 

The thump sounded a third time and this time he knew it was definitely coming from the back door. He set his mug and phone down on the table next to him and opened the door just as another ball of snow whizzed towards him and hit him square in the chest and a flash of brown and blonde ducked down behind the fence separating the two yards. 

Bellamy grinned wide, laughing and shaking his head and he stepped out on the porch, stopping just long enough to pull on his boots as he talked loudly, ensuring they’d be able to hear him. “Weird, I could’ve sworn I heard something… oh well, guess I’ll just go back inside…” he trailed off, slamming the door shut with him still outside. While he had his boots on, he hadn’t bothered with a jacket, so he was still in his athletic pants and a long sleeve thermal. He ran warm so he wasn’t worried about being too cold. If they wanted a snowball fight, it wouldn’t last long anyway; he’d played millions of these over his life. And he played with Octavia, who always fought dirty so he figured he could take them on two to one.

He could hear Madi’s giggles and Clarke’s attempts to shush her amidst her own snickers and it only served to make him warmer. 

Bellamy wandered off his deck and onto his yard, the snow completely tousled, ruined by the little feet who needed more unsullied snow to build snowmen and angels and memories and whatever else Madi wanted to. The gate between their backyards remained permanently opened now, so she could have the run of both of their yards and if Clarke’s house wasn’t a rental, he might’ve just taken it off its hinges completely.

He ducked down on his own side of the fence, scooping up a handful of snow and forming it into a ball. But before he could ready himself, he heard Clarke shout, “NOW!” and the two girls raced through the opening in their fences, arms full of snowballs and started pelting him.

Bellamy squeezed his eyes shut at the onslaught, and he reached blindly in front of him, trying to grab one of the girls. He heard them shriek and he opened his eyes and watched as they danced away from his grasp, laughing and reaching for more snow. He threw the ball in his hands at Clarke, which landed in that sweet spot just above her jacket so the dispersed snow fell down into her jacket. 

She turned towards him with an aghast look on his face and he tried - admittedly not very hard - to stifle a laugh. 

“Shi - shoot that’s cold! Bell! You’re a dead man!” she shouted towards him and raced off towards her own yard. She’d only called him _Bell_ a few times, but he loved it more every time.

Madi threw more snow at him, half formed things that fell apart before they reached him, but it at least resulted in covering him in a mist of snow. He focused on the little girl, his hands forming snowballs half the size of ones he’d usually make, and tossing them towards her lightly in retaliation, focused on not hitting her too hard. 

Which was probably why he hadn’t seen the bucket.

One second he had just thrown another ball Madi’s way and the next, he had an entire bucket of snow dumped over his head, the cold droplets turned to water again at the warmth of his skin and clothes seeping through the fabric, drenching his shirt and even down his pants.

Madi roared with laughter and he turned slowly to see Clarke doubled over, her face red and wet with how hard she was laughing herself, not even trying to hide it. She straightened up and put her hands on her hip and gave him a mischievous look.

“Not real fun is it?” she asked snarkily.

“No, you’re right,” he placated, clicking his tongue at her, taking a step forward. She zeroed in on his movements, taking a step back herself. “That was definitely not fun…” he narrowed his eyes playfully and lunged, grabbing her around the middle as she tried to quickly turn and dart away. He dragged her in, her back to his chest. “I hope that coat is waterproof or you’re about to get - ” he started but she threw her elbow back into his solar plexus - not enough to hurt, just enough to surprise him and get him to let go. 

She started to run, but he was able to grab at her wrist and spin her around so they were facing each other. His other arm wrapped instinctively around her waist so she wouldn't trip, but the result of doing that caused her body to end up flush to his, her smile inches away from his. He swallowed heavily as he looked at her, her blue eyes bright against the pale of her cold skin. Her laugh cut off and her smile faded. Her gaze dropped just for a second before it met his eyes again and she inhaled sharply.

His clothes were wet with icy water, they were standing outside in 30 degree weather, and he had no jacket on, but he was pretty sure none of that had to do with how frozen he’d just become. Her breath hitched and his heart stuttered and then - 

“Am I interrupting?” the snarky voice of the man that he was going to kill - or thank, he wasn’t sure which just yet - came from his back door. 

“Get off my Auntie!” Madi shouted playfully at him, oblivious to the tension in the air, as she sent a snowball sailing towards him, hitting him between his shoulder blades. She charged him next, wrapping herself around his legs, trying to tug him away.

“Very protective,” he joked at Clarke as he was yanked away from her, voice hoarse from his frozen vocal cords. Her soft smile returned but she said nothing.

He turned to nod at Murphy who was standing at his door with a shit-eating grin on his face, the reasons for which he was sure he was going to hear about later, and swept Madi off her feet, and whipping his head around like a dog so the droplets from his hair sprayed her.

“No! Stop!” she giggled, squirming her little body around until he finally set her down. 

“You girls have a good day, okay?” he told them, giving Madi a quick kiss on her head before walking towards Murphy.

He risked a glance over to Clarke who was still staring at him where they’d been standing with an unreadable look on her face. She shook her head slightly and blinked, turning her gaze to Madi. 

“Hot chocolate sweet girl?” she asked Madi, who responded with cheering. 

Bellamy turned to Murphy who was a foot away now, leaning against the doorway. “Seriously don’t let me interrupt. Feel free to continue... whatever that was,” Murphy teased and Bellamy shoved him inside. 

“You weren’t interrupting anything. We were done.”

“Didn’t look done.”

“Don’t start.”

“I didn’t start anything. So I have to know - are you going to act like a grown up and talk to her about it or are we just going to ignore it?”

He glared at his friend. “What do you need help with?”

Murphy stared at him. “Wait, what?”

Bellamy sighed. “In your text. You need help with something?” He grabbed his now cold coffee off the table and walked towards the stairs to go change. 

“Right. We’re gonna ignore it,” Murphy shook his head. “Should start a bet,” he continued under his breath before telling Bellamy why he was there in the first place. “I need to try out a few recipes without Emori knowing. It’s our anniversary on Monday and we took the day off since it’s the day after the Superbowl so I could cook her dinner.”

“She finally sick of pizza?” Bellamy teased.

Murphy rolled his eyes and headed up the stairs after him. “Pssh, no. No one could ever be sick of my pizza.”

Bellamy threw him a look over his shoulder. 

“But yeah, I’m thinking she might want something different. And you can cook _almost_ as well as I do.”

“Okay, sure.” Bellamy gave in. They stood awkwardly by Bellamy’s bedroom door. “Well, I’m going to change, so…”

“Oh, what? Now you’re a prude?”

“Murphy!”

Murphy held his hands up in surrender and started walking backwards. “Fine, fine. I’ll get started on the first dish.” 

Bellamy just shook his head. “No mushrooms!” he called after him. 

“No promises!” his friend yelled back.

\-----------------------------

Bellamy swallowed his bite. “Eh, I still think the first one was the best.”

“I’ve made four dishes! None of them are better than the first?” Murphy asked, exasperated for some reason Bellamy couldn’t decipher. 

“Aren’t I supposed to pick my favorite? My favorite is the first one.”

“It’s just so _basic_ ,” Murphy groaned. 

“Then why is it one of the choices?”

“Okay, maybe if I pair it with a risotto?” he mumbled absentmindedly to himself.

“You’re overthinking it. Emori loves all of your cooking. Seriously, she brags about it every chance she gets,” Bellamy pointed out.

“Well, duh. Everyone loves my cooking. But it needs to say - ”

“What?”

“I just… it needs to say... I’m still in it with you,” Murphy said, small, and unfortunately Bellamy recognized that tone far too well. Murphy didn’t use it often, preferably to hide behind his snark and over-confidence. But there were times he let people in - most often Emori, but Bellamy too.

“Murphy. Is it the kid thing again?”

“I just can’t... get there yet. In theory, sure. I want a kid or two. I see how you have been with Madi over the past couple weeks - ”

“Uh, that’s a little different.”

“And I was there when you raised O.”

“Again, different,” he insisted.

“And it looks… meaningful? Fun? And I kind of, want to do that too. Be a part of someone’s life like that, okay? All I know is I just want to do a better job than my folks did. I don’t know. It’s stupid,” he brushed off, taking a bit of the food in front of him.

“It’s not stupid,” Bellamy said, softly. 

“I just don’t know if I’m ready and I don’t want Emori to be mad at me for not being ready yet.”

“Do you really think she’s going to be? That doesn’t sound like Emori,” he pointed out.

Murphy sighed. “No, it doesn’t. Maybe I am overthinking it.”

Bellamy shrugged. “Overthinking Emori’s reaction to it? Yes, you are. She _loves_ you, in that all-encompassing, come hell or high water kind of way. She’s not going to be mad at you for not being ready. It’s a child, Murphy, a human being. Unlike this meal, it’s not necessarily a bad thing to think too much about it. It changes your whole life.”

Murphy just hummed and stabbed at the food, shoving another bite in his mouth. 

“For what it’s worth, I think you’d make a great dad.” Murphy didn’t look at him, but he stuttered a bit in his chewing and Bellamy saw his lips twitch up a bit. “A little weird, but hey. We’re all a little weird.”

Murphy snorted. “I’m not the weird one, I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about,” he smirked as Bellamy reached over and shoved him.. “So you hear about Monty?”

“No? Did something happen?” Bellamy asked, pulling his phone out of his pocket. If something was wrong, he was sure he’d have heard about it. 

“Calm down, Dad, he’s fine. He just wants to try growing algae.”

“Wait, what? You mean the green stuff that grows on the inside of fish tanks? Why the hell would he want to do that? He wants to grow it intentionally?”

Murphy shrugged and made a disgusted face. “I don’t know, something to do with nutritional bars? Apparently ‘developed properly it is extremely good for you’ or something like that.”

Bellamy shook his head. “And Harper?”

“Oh you know, told him how proud she was of him, she’ll support him, love him forever - mushy stuff like that. But then she told them he was crazy if he thought she’d be his guinea pig though.”

Bellamy chuckled. “Yeah, that sounds right. Let me guess - ”

“Jasper volunteered in her stead.”

“Yep, that’s exactly what he did.”

“I swear those two…” Murphy trailed off. “So what are you doing for Valentine’s?” he asked. 

“Nothing?” Bellamy said obviously. “Well, I volunteered for the dance at the school, but… I don’t know, I’ve never been big on Valentine’s Day, you know that.” He would ask why Murphy would think he’d celebrate it at all, considering he wasn’t in a relationship and wasn’t about to ask anyone on a date for it anyway. He was actively avoiding even thinking about the moment with Clarke in the snow earlier, knowing that if he brought up his current relationship status, Murphy would make some crack about it.

Murphy pursed his lips. “What about when you were with Gina? You two always celebrated it.”

Bellamy shrugged. “That was a long time ago. And Gina was the one who really wanted to celebrate anyway and I cared about her.” He and Gina dated in college, for three years before his Thailand opportunity came around at about the same time she decided to take a job in Chicago. There wasn’t any animosity, ending it seemed as natural as everything else in their relationship, but Bellamy still mourned the end of it for a while. Most of his friends thought they’d be in it for the long haul and he did too, he guessed, but years later and he didn’t regret ending it still. They were good together, but something about it wasn’t quite _right_. Long distance wouldn’t have worked. They’d grown apart by then and it’d been time to move on for the both of them.

“Right.”

“What about you and Emori?” he joked, figuring the two would want to avoid celebrating anything so… traditional. It occurred to him that he never actually saw either of them on that day so he was genuinely unsure what they did. 

“Oh we love Valentine’s.”

Bellamy scoffed, surprised. “Sure. That definitely sounds like you two.”

“Go ahead - ask _how_ we celebrate,” Murphy asked with that lopsided grin of his.

Bellamy narrowed his eyes. “You’re going to say sex aren’t you?”

“All. Night. Lo - ”

“Yeah, okay. I get it. That makes sense now.”

Murphy chuckled and they finished their meal(s) and eventually spent the rest of their time talking about the game the next day, whether the Packers or the 49ers stood the better chance at taking home the trophy (the Giants got knocked out a couple weeks prior) and which team winning would make Miller cry harder.

At one point, a car drove by his house, twice, slowing down when it got close and Bellamy thought it was about to stop, but both times it eventually sped away and he figured it was probably just someone looking for something, or maybe Sydney had forgotten to take down the house listing and it hadn’t been for him at all. 

Then Murphy told him that Jasper was bringing the latest batch of moonshine and he was pulled into a conversation about whether homemade was better than store or bar bought and whether Murphy should consider serving it. 

Murphy prattled on about how, while homemade was a better way to get plastered quicker, it didn’t touch the quality of _his_ liquor at the bar and on and on and Bellamy’s thoughts finally started wandering to the moment in the snow with Clarke a few hours prior, no matter his attempts to block them. 

She’d been cold, her skin like ice, but somehow it still managed to set his senses on fire and he was acutely aware of how’d it felt to hold her, to see her smile up close, to see every fleck of the different shades of blue in her irises, to hear the way her breathing quickened, and feel the shiver that ran down her spine. 

He sort of wished he didn’t know how that felt, wished that those things could’ve stayed firmly in his imagination, but instead they were now real things that would be permanently etched in his memory.

If it were simply physical attraction, it’d be so much easier. He could chalk it up to a long dry spell and be able to find someone else to be attracted to. And maybe it had started that way at first, but he couldn’t deny that somewhere along the way it had morphed into something more.

It was the way she thought of others before herself, the way she loved Madi, the bravery of the responsibility she’d taken on and how she’d moved them across the country in search of what Madi’s parents would’ve wanted for their little girl. It was her awkward humor, and how she cared for her students. And a million other things he’d be hard pressed to find in a bar pick-up. Which was not what he truly wanted anyway. 

He wanted _her_.

“Totally,” he said, realizing that Murphy had stopped talking and was waiting for an opinion. Murphy scoffed, recognizing that Bellamy hadn’t even been listening and moved on to a different subject entirely and Bellamy forced himself to focus, pushing his growing feelings aside. There was no place for them and he’d have to just learn how to live with them and to ignore them. And talking to Clarke about the moment was definitely out of the question.

***

Clarke wasn’t really sure what she thought would happen when she saw Bellamy again the next day at Monty and Harper’s. She’d been distracted all Sunday morning by the snowball fight of the day before (and if she were honest, the entire rest of the day Saturday), almost dumping salt instead of sugar into Madi’s pancake batter that morning before she caught her mistake. Madi remained blissfully unaware and Clarke envied her that.

Because really, there was nothing to be distracted by. It was a moment, one that didn’t really mean much of anything. The fact that she was close enough to map out his array of freckles if she’d had the time, or the dimples that made their appearance when his mouth smiled a certain way, or how she could feel his heart through his wet thermal hammering away from their chase, and the warmth his body radiated despite the weather and her multiple layers, was nothing to be dwelling on. 

Also not the dark curls that clung to his forehead that her fingers had been itching to brush aside. 

Definitely not those. 

Clarke flipped the pancakes a little too forcefully in her frustration with the fact that despite her best efforts to keep it from happening, her feelings for him were growing and she wished she could flip a switch on them and that would be that.

She’d spent Madi’s nap time with the music playing softly in the background and sketching, letting herself get lost in art, the only way she knew of to shut out the world. 

A couple hours later, Bellamy knocked on the door to pick them up. The snow on the roads wasn't awful anymore - truth be told it’d been hard enough finding enough snow for the fight yesterday since Madi had used most of it in her playing over the past few weeks. Clarke had half expected more from a winter in Connecticut, but they’d technically had almost a couple weeks with it already and there would probably be more snow coming eventually, or they’d just end up with a mild winter this year. Either way, there wasn’t really a reason anymore for Bellamy to be picking them up since she could drive perfectly fine now, but still, they were headed to the same places often enough that it just made sense.

She opened the door and he was standing, smiling shyly (with the dimple she couldn’t stop looking at), on the front porch. “You ladies ready?” he asked, his voice cracking. She gave him a quizzical look when it did and he rolled his eyes. “I just woke up not long ago. Haven’t really used my voice yet.”

Clarke let her hand fall from the door and walked inside, leaving the door open so he could follow her. “You and Madi and your nap schedules,” she teased.

“Hey, don’t knock naps. They are a vital part of the day.”

“You’re so old.”

“You don’t like naps?” he laughed.

“No! There aren’t enough hours in the day as it is, why would I waste time sleeping?”

He stepped closer and Clarke wasn’t really sure what to expect after the moment in the snow yesterday, but she was hyper aware of the way he filled the room, the way she was drawn to him. 

“You don’t ever want to just… slow it all down?”

She swallowed and pushed it all away. “That’s what my sketches are for,” she told him, nodding towards the couch. He wandered over and picked up the book, examining the snow-covered forest she’d just been finishing when he walked in.

“This is amazing, Clarke, really,” he murmured.

She shrugged. “It’s just some scribbles. I’m a mess now though,” she told him, holding up her arm so he could see the pencil lead in an array of different colors that was smeared on it. Being left-handed definitely had it’s disadvantages. “so give me a few minutes to clean up. Madi should be awake in a minute,” She added, heading up the stairs. 

She heard him clear his throat. “Hey, uh, Clarke?”

She turned and raised her eyebrows, waiting. 

“About, uh, yesterday,” he began and then he winced like it was something he either wasn’t planning on saying or didn’t want to be talking about at all. Maybe both.

Her heart started pounding and she swore that she stopped breathing entirely. She hadn’t expected him to mention it - even regret it. If he actually felt something too… she couldn’t. She’d made a decision not pursue him and she mentally berated herself for letting on that her feelings might have started venturing past just friends. 

“What about it?” she forced herself to say. “Finally warm up after losing the snowball fight?” she tried joking, but it came out drier and more awkward than she’d intended. But she didn’t want him to feel weird around her or feel like he had to let her down easy or anything.

He cocked his head and stared at her, and she demanded her body remain still and not fidget like she could feel herself leaning towards. He scrunched his brows and frowned, opening his mouth to speak. Her heart thundered in her ears and when Madi spoke up first from behind her on the top of the stairs, she was so startled that she tripped down a few steps. 

Bellamy was quick though, and caught her before she could fall the whole way, his hands on her waist keeping her steady, sending shockwaves of electricity all the way down to her toes.

It was yesterday all over again and she couldn’t flee fast enough. 

“Madi!” she called a little too loudly, a little too cheerful and stepped away, Bellamy’s hands leaving her waist instantly, like he’d done something wrong and Clarke closed her eyes briefly at the pang that ran through her at the idea that she may have hurt his feelings, but she darted up the stairs towards the little girl anyway, scooping her up. “Bellamy is here to take us to the farm for the game, you want to come with me to get ready?” Madi nodded sleepily and she turned back to Bellamy, not meeting his eyes. “Be down in a minute.”

“Take your time, I don’t mind waiting,” he murmured. 

She tripped again in her haste, but caught herself that time. “I’m good,” she assured him when he started up towards her. 

Clarke huffed and sighed as she took Madi over to her room to snuggle on her bed while she got dressed and washed the lead off, wondering if she was ever going to stop acting like an idiot around him.

\-----------------------------

“No.”

Clarke wiggled her eyebrows at Miller. “Come on.”

“Absolutely not. Get out.”

Clarke heard Bellamy snicker from behind her, the same way he did when she came down the stairs dressed in her 49ers apparel she still had from California, the stuff that Raven had told her to hide around Miller. “Told you,” he said under his breath and she flung her hand back to smack him in the chest. Something seemed to have flipped while she was upstairs because the whole car ride over to the farm had been like the whole awkward moment and conversation had never happened and they were back to normal.

“You really want us to go?” Madi asked, way too sweetly, which told Clarke that at least she knew Miller was kidding. 

_If_ he was actually kidding. 

Miller’s mouth dropped open and his words started tripping over themselves. “No, no, no, absolutely not. No. I would never - Madi, kid, you’re totally welcome, always. You and Clarke. Really.”

Clarke clamped her lips together and followed Madi inside. “Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it,” he mumbled at her, but reciprocated the hug she gave him, so Clarke hoped she wouldn’t be on his bad side for too long. 

“What did I say?” Bellamy’s teasing voice said again at her ear, low. She turned and he was way closer than she’d realized, with a smirk on his lips. Their interactions seemed to be back to normal, but the way he affected her definitely wasn’t.

“Yes, yes, but as _I_ said before, I understand that it was a risk, but the 49ers are actually in the Superbowl and I happen to have stuff still, so… Miller will just have to get over it.” 

He chuckled softly and she watched as Madi ran over to Raven. “Raven!!”

“Hey Mad Hatter,” Raven teased and crouched down to do their super special handshake. Madi giggled at the nickname Raven had for her this week and Clarke just shook her head. 

Harper came up to her then, and wrapped her in a big hug. “Clarke, I’m so glad you’re here! And look! I love the rep!” Harper exclaimed, gesturing to Clarke’s clothes. Then she scrunched her face and asked, “The word is rep, right? That’s how the kids say it?”

Clarke laughed. “Harper you aren’t _that_ old.”

Harper just chuckled and waved her off. “Whatever. It changes all the time and I can’t keep up.”

“Well thank you anyway. I don’t really follow football, but I picked up a few things while in California and brought them with me when I moved, that’s all.”

“Well you look fantastic! It’s nice seeing someone ruffle Miller’s feathers a little,” she teased, dropping her voice. “You want a tour? I can’t believe you haven’t been here yet!” 

“Sure! Hey Madi, you want to come see the farm with me and Harper?” she called out and Madi bounded over to the two of them. 

“Yes! Are there animals? Farms _always_ have animals!” Madi declared, jumping up and down insistently.

“Madi!” Clarke laughed at her know-it-all attitude. Clarke was glad she was so independent, but she veered a little too much into the smart-aleck territory and Clarke had to make sure it didn’t turn into arrogance. She was three, so it wasn’t like Clarke was really worried about it, but still. It was up to her now. Clarke was constantly afraid she was going to do something wrong with parenting her. Either be too harsh or too easy-going and she struggled with finding that balance. 

“You bet we have animals. Three cows, two horses, and _four_ pigs,” Harper told her. “You want to come meet them?”

Madi nodded furiously and the three of them wandered off from the rest of the group, most of whom had gathered around the TV listening to - or in Miller and Murphy’s case, arguing with - the commentators.

Harper took a while showing them all the rooms of the house, all very eclectic in their design, like Monty and Harper had a variety of tastes and had just decided to throw it all together and make it their own. Clarke loved it. It seemed to fit what she’d learned of the couple and along the way she found it was easy to talk with Harper and she promised herself that she’d have Harper over soon to get to know her better. 

Clarke had been so preoccupied with settling her and Madi into the new house and school and trying to figure out a routine for them that the only people outside the first few football parties she'd gotten to know were Bellamy and Raven and she figured it was about time to expand that a little.

Harper even showed her the room she and Monty wanted to use for a baby one day - one of the reasons they’d bought the farm a couple years ago was so that they’d have plenty of room for their family to grow. Clarke piped in then and told Harper about the mural she’d finally finished in Madi’s room and that she’d be happy to paint one for them too if they wanted. Harper’s eyes lit up and she soon began chatting excitedly about different ideas. 

They finally made it to the barn, just across the field. It was thankfully still light outside, but it was cold so they’d bundled up first. 

“And here is Sue, Mary, Tom, and Pinky,” Harper explained, pointing out the different pigs to Madi. She turned to Clarke. “Jasper picked out the names - he insisted.” Clarke chuckled a little and Harper continued making introductions. “And we have three cows, but we have names for only two of them since we just got the younger one over there last week,” she told them, pointing her out. 

“Can I pick the name?” Madi asked and Harper laughed. 

“I think that’s a great idea! What are you thinking?” she asked, crouching down to Madi’s level to listen in.

Madi tapped her chin with her finger, deep in thought. “Miss Moo… no! Rapunzel… no! Minnie. Like the mouse,” the little girl declared. “One of her spots on her back looks like a bow. See? Right there.”

“Minnie… I like it,” Harper affirmed. 

“I’m surprised she didn’t go through more Disney names before reaching her decision,” Clarke joked as Harper stood next to her. Madi hung around the gate next to the cows, talking to Minnie, telling her all about herself and Clarke and school and all her new friends. 

“We have two horses too, in the stables around the corner. Helios and Orion. They’re actually Octavia’s, but she couldn’t exactly take them to Italy with her so we told her we’d take care of them while she was gone.”

Clarke inhaled deeply, reflecting. “It’s been a long time since I’ve ridden a horse. My parents had horses at a stable outside the city when Wells and I were growing up.”

Harper smiled. “Well you and Madi are welcome any time. Helios and Orion really are the sweetest.” Then she dropped her voice a little and shifted closer. “How is she doing?” Harper asked softly as they watched the little chatterbox still talking to Minnie. “I, uh, lost my mom when I was young, older than Madi, but still.”

Clarke bit her lip. “She’s okay. Some days are harder than others. For both of us.”

Harper turned and placed a hand on Clarke’s arm. “I’m sorry, by the way, for your loss.”

Clarke placed her hand on top of Harper’s, keeping her there and Harper twisted so their arms were intertwined. It was a sweet gesture, one that Clarke wouldn’t normally think of as comfortable, especially with someone she barely knew, but Harper had this way about her that made her feel at ease. 

“How are you settling in at the school? Kids treating you alright?” Harper asked, a smile playing on her lips now. 

Clarke let out a breathy chuckle. “Oh you know middle-schoolers. One day they are all in, excited to learn and the next they couldn’t care less.” She shook her head. “I’m just grateful that the faculty has been so supportive and helpful,” she said, bumping Harper’s shoulder. 

“Yeah, we have our moments,” she teased back. “No, but really, most of our teachers and staff are wonderful.”

“Most?”

Harper laughed. “Well, the history teacher can be a little grumpy.”

“Especially if you don’t get him coffee straight away,” Clarke joked with her back. 

“Well if that’s not the truth, I don’t know what is,” she shook her head. “No, but really. Our staff is great.”

Clarke bit her lip. It was as good of a time as any to ask. If she was honest with herself, she wasn’t even sure _what_ to ask, really. Nothing had changed from the first conversation she’d had with Raven. She wasn’t ready for a relationship, or at least, she didn’t _think_ she was. Especially with the feelings she was having for her neighbor, even if she’d decided to try to get over them. And there was something about Cillian that maybe wouldn’t make it awful to at least have coffee with the man. 

“What? Have any of them been giving you a hard time?” Harper asked, probably sensing the shift.

“No, not at all. Uh, actually, I was going to ask you - um, you know Cillian?” Harper nodded tentatively. “Well, he sort of, well he _implied_ that he’d like to maybe get coffee sometime? I don’t know, it feels ridiculous. We just moved here and I can’t just leave Madi to go on some half-date-thing.”

Harper cocked her head at Clarke, her gaze piercing. “Wait, a date with Cillian? I thought…” she glanced back towards the main house. “Uh, nevermind. Yeah, he’s a really nice man. Very kind, helpful, confident. A little passive aggressive sometimes, but still. You thinking about taking him up on his offer?” she asked.

“I really don’t know. Part of me wants to, definitely. If for no other reason than to just at least start seeing if I’m ready now that Madi and I are pretty settled, but another part - ” Now it was Clarke’s turn to glance back to the house where the one she _couldn’t_ have was currently watching a football game. “Another part just isn’t sure.”

“I get that. It’s scary, jumping back in. But you know, you need to be happy too. And coffee doesn’t sound too life-altering,” she told Clarke sweetly, bumping into her a little.

“Yeah, maybe.”

Harper let that sit for a while, not saying anything else and really, there wasn’t much left to say. She wasn’t going to tell Harper about her ridiculous hang-up on Bellamy. It wouldn’t matter anyway. 

“You ready to head back, Mads?” Clarke asked after another five minutes. It’d gotten even colder and Clarke could see the sun starting to dip down. 

“Won’t Minnie be lonely?”

“Lonely?” Harper asked. “No way. She’s got all her friends to keep her company. But you can come back anytime your aunt says you can and say hi, okay?”

“Really? That would be awesome, thank you Miss Harper!” Madi flung herself into Harper and the woman returned the embrace, sweetly squeezing Madi tightly.

Wells and Glass had insisted on teaching Madi manners when speaking to her elders from the time she started talking, always at least putting a _Miss/Mrs._ or _Mr._ in front of anyone who wasn’t family’s first name. Clarke had tried to keep that going, but the more they became familiar with the people around them, the more out of place that seemed. Madi had already dropped the prefix for Bellamy and Raven, neither of whom seemed to mind much. 

“Thanks, Harper,” Clarke told her friend and Harper responded with a wide grin and a nod. They finally made their way back to the main house, and they could hear both cheers and boos before they even got inside. “Sounds like the house is pretty split down the middle.”

Harper chuckled. “Yeah, when the Giants aren’t playing, that’s usually how it goes. We all pick a side and somehow it ends up becoming very life or death.”

Clarke joined her laughter and walked through the door Madi had left wide open. They entered the room about halfway into the second quarter, the Niners up by three and the Packers had the ball at the 30 yard line. Miller was inching closer and closer to the TV, his eyes glued to the screen. 

“Hey, where’d you disappear to?” Bellamy asked when she entered the room, going to stand next to him behind the couch. He handed her his beer, which she accepted and took a sip from, handing it back. “No, go ahead, I just opened it, I’ll go grab another one.” 

She smiled in thanks and took another sip. “Harper took me and Madi on a tour. Madi even got to name their new cow,” she told him. 

“Ahh. What’d she choose? Cinderella?” he guessed and Clarke let out a laugh.

“Close. You’re on the right track - Minnie.”

He smiled and shook his head, glancing at the girl in question, who had snuggled up on Raven’s lap on one of the armchairs. “Figures. Sounds like her.”

Clarke snuck a glance up at him and he looked down at her. 

And there it was. 

That look. The look she’d been noticing more and more lately, the one that made her heart skip a beat and her breath freeze up in her lungs. The look that seemed like he was staring all the way through her. 

It was the look he gave her in the snow.

Maybe he _did_ feel something. 

The room erupted in noise again as the buzzer signaling halftime sounded, drawing their attention away from each other and back to the screen. She exhaled heavily. “You’re one of my best friends, you know that?” she told him softly.

She felt more than heard his sharp inhale, their arms brushing against each other. She could feel his gaze on her again, but she kept her focus towards the commercial that was playing, something with horses and beer.

“Madi loves you,” she said again, not entirely sure where she was headed with the statement, but sure that it was something that needed to be said regardless.

“I love her too,” he said gently. “It’d be hard not to.”

Soon they were sucked into other conversations, Emori asking Clarke about her classes and Clarke learning more about how she and Murphy got together and decided on a combination bar/pizzeria. Emori was sharp-witted and honest and Clarke enjoyed learning about her life. Emori had grown up a few towns over, a small town like Arkadia called Polis, but it was rougher than Arkadia was. She’d never finished high school, waiting tables to get by when her mom finally picked up and left when she was sixteen. 

She eventually got involved with some shady people, the same people Murphy had gotten involved with as well. Falling in love, they decided they were worth more than the cards that had been dealt to them and got out of it together. They ended up buying a run-down building the owner wanted nothing to do with and after years of hard work and all of their friends helping them remodel the place, finally got their business up and running. 

It was an astounding story, one that Clarke was incredibly impressed by. It took a lot of courage to start from scratch, to take the risk that they’d had and build something like that. Emori shook Clarke off, saying that it wasn’t a big deal, but Clarke knew it was.

Shortly after the third quarter started, Murphy finally had enough of MIller hogging the TV. “Get out of the way, man!” he shouted at his friend, throwing popcorn at the man. “Nobody can see the screen.”

“Who wants to see this anyway? Packers are basically giving up the game.”

“Hey! Some of us are actually rooting for the - ”

“Don’t say it,” Miller warned.

Murphy smirked and Emori and Clarke both took a step back, already sensing where this was headed. She could see Bellamy and Monty over towards the kitchen turn their attention to the boys with amused expressions. 

“Niners,” Murphy dared and the room took a collective breath.

Miller jumped his friend, playfully shoving and tackling around on the couch. Madi jumped off Raven’s lap and headed over to Clarke, who bent and picked her up. 

“Auntie Clarke, what’re they doing?” Madi asked, but Emori was the one to answer her. 

“They, sweet girl, are being very silly and need to _knock it off_ ,” she said, swatting at her husband’s head. “And remember they are family who aren’t even actual fans of either of these teams,” she said pointedly.

Murphy and Miller stopped their fight, both of them wearing overly dramatic offended expressions. Miller shoved Murphy one last time and Murphy just shook his head and smirked, leaning his head back on the couch, to which Emori bent down to kiss him. 

“Why did I marry you again?” Emori joked, pretending to be deep in thought. 

“Because you can’t cook pizza to save your life.”

“Right, right, that must be it,” Emori teased. “It was definitely the pizza.”

The rest of the game passed without any further incident, the Niners pulling out a narrow win and they all laughed when Miller sank to his knees in faux despair.

“Looks like Clarke had the right idea after all,” Jasper, who’d arrived after his shift at the Dropship ended halfway through the third quarter, commented. She liked Jasper. He was quirky in the sweetest way, and he, Harper and Monty seemed close. She’d met him a few times over the past month, but hadn’t spent much time with him.

“Thank you Jasper, I like to think it made the difference,” she quipped.

“Yes, it’s a real thing. They can sense people supporting them through the TV set,” he agreed. “They could feel Clarke Griffin’s support and thought, I’m going to win this for her,” he declared dramatically.

“Have I told you how much I like you?” she asked him with a laugh. 

Jasper took a bow and Miller grumbled. “Yeah yeah, whatever.”

“Hey, cheer up Miller, maybe next year the Giants will have a shot and I’ll be wearing their gear,” she placated and he waved her off, but his lips twitched in a smirk.

“Wow, flattery the only thing someone needs to win your favor, hmm?” Bellamy asked, coming up next to her.

She laughed. “Oh yeah,” she said sarcastically. “After all, you’re the one that calls me Princess,” she pointed out. 

“Right, right,” he said nodding his head and twitching his lips up in a half smile. “And here I thought all this time you hated that nickname.”

She pursed her lips at him and knocked her shoulder into his playfully. “It’s growing on me.”

His grin spread wider then and he looked away. “You about ready to go?”

“Yep. Nothing more to see here, unless Miller was going to start crying. I’d definitely stay for that.” Miller shot her a look, sticking his tongue out at her and she responded in kind. “Say bye to everyone Madi,” she jostled the little girl in her arms, who had set her head down on Clarke’s shoulder.

“Bye everybody!” she called happily, waving and the group all called their goodbyes as well.

The ride home was quiet, comfortably so, all three of them exhausted but happy. 

“I don’t know how I’m going to make it through tomorrow, I’m so tired,” Clarke laughed. Bellamy hummed in agreement. “Seriously, I’m just going to have the kids draw stick - ” she started to joke but cut herself off when she noticed a car parked out front of her house. Bellamy pulled the truck into his driveway and shut it off. 

Clarke could feel him staring at the car that struck such a familiar cord with her, but she couldn't’ quite place it. It was a blue Prius, a hybrid, and for some inexplicable reason her heart jumped into her throat, seemingly understanding who it was before her head did. 

“Clarke,” Bellamy said quietly and Clarke blinked and looked at him, expecting him to say something else, but he was intently staring at her porch with a look she’d never seen him wear before. She’d been so busy staring at the car that she didn’t notice the car’s owner wasn’t even in it. 

Clarke followed Bellamy’s line of sight and her heart went from her throat to the depths of her stomach in record time. 

What the hell was Finn Collins doing sitting on her front porch?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some snow antics (hehe), football at the farm and a cliffhanger! Sorry not sorry 😘
> 
> Hope that was as fun for you to read as it was to write!
> 
> See you next week friends! ❤


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! 
> 
> A couple notes about this one - I have a warning in the end notes if you want to look at it, mostly pertaining to Clarke and Finn's conversation in this first part.
> 
> Also, I've said it before, but it bears repeating one more time - I'm not going anywhere. I have full intentions of finishing this story and I even have a few more on the docket I'm hoping to have ready to start posting soon (though I don't know how I'll be able to handle posting two WIPs at once!). I'm so happy to have you guys still with me and reading, it means more than I'll ever be able to tell you!
> 
> One more - if you haven't seen yet, the Bellarke Fic Writer Awards are going on, we're currently in Round 3 of voting and there are SO MANY beautiful fics and authors nominated, so go go go vote if you want to show your appreciation to your favorite fics! You can find the link in my tumblr that I'll have in the end notes!
> 
> Enjoy!

“Bell, will you take Madi inside?”

“Clarke - ”

“Please,” Clarke pleaded, reaching out to grab his arm. He looked down at her, and Clarke could see his expression twist in consideration, like it was taking every ounce of him not to argue with her, not to insist on going with her. “I can deal with him myself. Just - take Madi, please?”

“Your house or mine?” he finally asked.

“Yours, if that’s okay.”

He finally nodded and turned to Madi, who was watching them with a blank expression, clearly not understanding why the air in the truck was suddenly so tense. “Hey kiddo, I think I have some hot chocolate inside, you want to help me make some?”

Madi glanced between the two of them warily so Clarke added, “That sounds delicious. You mind making me a cup too? I’ll be along in a few minutes. I bet Bellamy will even let you have a couple extra marshmallows.”

At the mention of the extra sugar, her grin spread wide and she nodded excitedly.

Clarke turned back to Finn, who had noticed them by then and had stood up, leaning over the railing on his forearms and watching the truck.

She could feel Bellamy hesitate another moment before finally getting out of the truck and leaning into the backseat to get Madi out. Clarke watched as Finn’s eyes tracked the two of them before she finally got out of the truck as well and his gaze snapped to her movements. 

Clarke spared a quick glance towards Bellamy and Madi and locked eyes with him for a brief moment before he gave her a brief nod and brought Madi inside. She wasn’t afraid of Finn, necessarily, but she’d been growing increasingly nervous over the past few weeks since their encounter at the market and the subsequent messages. Despite what she told Raven, she wasn’t as sure as she’d projected that he’d just get the hint eventually and leave her alone. 

He’d sent her a couple texts during the game earlier, but she ignored them, not even telling him to stop anymore, as that just sparked more response. She didn’t know what the hell he wanted with her, what his play was, since she thought she’d made it abundantly clear she wanted nothing to do with him. But there was one thing that Clarke _did_ know - Bellamy would keep Madi safe and away from whatever drama this was. No matter how this went down with Finn, Madi wouldn’t be a part of it.

Clarke took one more deep breath as she approached her ex, who wore a smile on his face like he was greeting his best friend. Her expression remained impassive, not wanting to give an inch to him. 

She stopped just below the steps to her porch. “What’re you doing here, Finn?”

His expression changed, his eyes scrunching together in confusion. “What do you mean?”

She crossed her arms in an attempt to keep from fidgeting. “I mean, why are you at my home? I don’t remember telling you where I lived.”

He glanced at Bellamy’s house and back to her. “Well, Bellamy mentioned you lived next to him. He’s pretty well known around Arkadia, I just had to ask the right people. I was worried.”

“Worried?” she asked.

He kept looking at her like she was the one not making sense. “Well, yeah. You weren’t answering your phone. Are you and Bellamy together?” he asked suddenly, a disapproving undertone to his words. 

“That’s none of your business, Finn. Answer my question.”

“I did. I was worried.”

“Because I stopped answering your messages? I told you to leave me alone and you didn’t. Of course I was going to start ignoring them.”

“But that doesn’t make sense,” he asked, seemingly genuinely confused. “Why wouldn’t you want to see me? In the market - is this because of Bellamy?” he asked again, anger starting to leak into his voice. “Is he telling you not to talk to me?”

“This has nothing to do with Bellamy. Finn - ” She was losing control of her own tone, her frustration bubbling to the surface.

“You and I were good together, Clarke. If you would just let me - ”

“No. Finn, we had a few months a very long time ago. Just because I’m in your town now doesn’t mean I moved here for you or that I want to rekindle anything. I _don’t_ want that. I’m moving forward and - ”

“With Bellamy.”

“ _No._ I’m not with Bellamy, Finn. He’s a good friend, and that’s it.” Finn suddenly looked relieved, like it had all been just a big misunderstanding and Clarke was starting to get really irritated now. “Get off my porch and don’t contact me again. I’m not playing.”

“I’m not playing either, Clarke. We don’t have to be together right away, we can just get to know each other again first.”

“No.”

“Why not? I’ve changed, you’ve changed. Why won’t you give me a chance?”

Clarke paused. Anyone else and she might’ve. Clarke was a person who believed in second chances - she’d had a few of them over the years herself. But her instincts in this case were telling her no. So while she didn’t have a reason he would probably deem good enough, she was going to remain firm.

“Look, Finn. That may all be true. I know I’ve changed, I’m sure you have to. I’m not mad or holding a grudge over what happened, I’m not.”

“Great, then why - ”

“I’m not done,” she interrupted, holding up her hand and stepping closer, even though every nerve in her body resisted. “I’m just not interested. And I don’t need a boyfriend or a reason. I’m just not. I hope you find happiness somewhere else, I really do. It’s just not going to be with me.”

Clarke thought that was finally it, he’d have to get her message now. But instead, he stepped closer and closer and while Clarke wanted to run in the opposite direction, she maintained her position.

“Finn…” she said, warning him back. 

“Clarke,” he replied quietly. “You are still so beautiful after all these years. You’re kind and thoughtful, and I think…” he stopped and Clarke felt frozen, unable to stop him from where she knew it was headed. “I think that one day you’ll see how romantic this all is, how out of all the towns in all the world, you chose this one and us running into each other… Clarke. You’ll see it one day,” he repeated as he reached her. He didn’t get any closer, didn’t try to touch her or say anything more, he just gave her one last lingering stare and turned, walking towards his Prius. 

“Don’t bet on it, Finn. Stop trying to contact me or showing up where I am. I’m serious,” she called after him. He just waved her off, turning back to flash her one of his signature smiles that she’d fallen for so many years ago, but now it just caused a shiver to run down her spine. 

Clarke watched him get in his car and drive away and only when he was out of sight did she let herself breathe again, focusing on drawing in the cold air and breathing it back out again. 

She turned and headed back through the fence to Bellamy’s house and shook herself off a little. Clarke could hear them laughing before she even got the door open, and when she walked in, the cold shrugged off of her like a blanket and her heart warmed at the sight of the two of them on the couch, mugs of hot chocolate in their hands. 

“What’s so funny?” she asked tiredly, but with a smile that she didn’t even have to fake and she leaned over the back of the couch on her forearms between the two of them. Bellamy’s gaze snapped to her instantly and she saw the question in his eyes. Clarke nodded to him that she was okay and he reached up to put a hand on her arm. She instinctively sighed into the comfort. 

“Bellamy was telling me a silly story about Otavia when she was like me!” Madi declared.

“There’s a mug on the counter for you,” Bellamy told her.

Clarke got up from the couch and wandered over to the counter to grab the mug. It wasn’t hot anymore, but it was still warm, which was good enough for her. She sat next to Madi on the couch, with the little girl now sandwiched between her and Bellamy.

“So what’s this story? I want to hear,” she said, settling in and leaning her head back against the couch. It wasn’t too late, but they’d need to get going soon anyway; it was about Madi’s bedtime. But for now, she was content in letting the encounter with Finn leach from her mind and listen to the sounds of two people she cared about. 

Bellamy chuckled. “It’s not a long story. Uh, O was three, like Madi, I was nine. She was obsessed with Cinderella, like I’ve told you.” He cleared his throat. “And yeah, she desperately wanted to go to a ball, just like her.”

“I want to go to a ball too!” Madi agreed. Clarke smiled and kissed the top of her head.

“And our mother was a seamstress on the side, so she used to make all of our costumes and such for Halloween and so she _begged_ Mom to make her a dress like Cinderella. It didn’t turn out exactly the same, but O didn’t care, she was just happy to have a princess dress. But what I didn’t know, was that O had apparently also begged Mom to make _me_ a Prince costume,” he told Madi his eyes widening like he was surprised all over again.

Clarke bit her lip to keep from laughing too hard. “And of course you wore it to make her happy?” Clarke asked.

“I did. That little girl had me wrapped around her finger.”

“Sounds familiar,” Clarke teased, glancing down at Madi, who was sipping her hot chocolate piled high with marshmallows happily. 

Bellamy just shook his head. “I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he insisted. “Anyway, I put the costume on and we danced around and around the backyard. Mom had helped me string Christmas lights in the trees and we had an old boombox - ”

“What’s that?” Madi asked, confused.

Clarke and Bellamy exchanged an amused glance. “What’s a boombox? Well it’s what us _old people_ used to use to listen to music,” Clarke told her, booping her on the nose. 

“Yep. And O and I - we danced the night away,” he gestured dramatically. Clarke could almost see it - a little Bellamy indulging his little sister just to make her smile.

Madi yawned loudly and leaned against Clarke. “You probably made a great prince, Bellamy.”

“Well, thank you, munchkin,” Bellamy responded, grabbing the little girl’s mug before it could tip over.

Madi nodded, “That’s so funny.”

Clarke chuckled at Madi’s fading clarity. “What’s funny, sweet girl?”

“Well Bellamy is a prince and he calls you princess, Auntie Clarke. Funny.” Clarke felt her eyes go wide and inhaled sharply, pointedly ignoring Bellamy’s gaze that she could feel focused on her. “I’m going sleep now, kay?”

“Okay, little one. Let’s get you home,” Clarke murmured, kissing her head again and starting to get up.

She felt Madi start to protest. “No, I want to stay here. It’s cold outside. Hot chocolate.”

“We have hot chocolate at home too, Mads.”

Clarke felt Madi shake her head. “Marshmallows,” she insisted stubbornly.

“We have those too,” she whispered, but Madi was no longer responding, having fallen soundly asleep. Clarke sighed and finally looked up at Bellamy. “She’s, uh, a goofy one,” she told him , a little awkwardly. He had an odd expression on his face and Clarke couldn’t tell if he was offended at the prince/princess thing or if it was because his heart was pounding as furiously as hers. The selfish part of her wished it was the latter.

“You can stay,” he blurted out. Then he lowered his voice and clarified, “I mean, until she’s fast asleep and won’t notice the cold outside.”

Clarke smiled softly at him, her heart in her throat - she didn’t want to leave either. The feeling she got when she’d walked in… part of her was a little afraid it would go away when she walked out the door. And now that Madi was sleeping, she could feel her mind starting to process what had happened with Finn. It was selfish - Clarke didn’t want to blur the lines in her and Bellamy’s friendship, but she also didn’t want to be alone right now either.

Clarke nodded and shifted Madi so that she was laying down, her head in Clarke’s lap. Her little body curled up in a ball and Bellamy reached behind her to grab the blanket that was draped across the back of the couch and covered her. Madi instantly gripped it in her fist and brought it close to her face, the way she did with her own blankies back home. 

“You okay?” he finally asked quietly.

Clarke took a deep breath. “Yeah, I think so. I don’t know - ” she shook her head at herself. “I can’t figure out if I’m being ridiculous or not.”

“Tell me,” he offered. “Sometimes saying it out loud helps.”

She nodded to herself, and busied with brushing Madi’s hair back. “Well after our run in at the market, he somehow ended up with my number - which he could’ve gotten a hundred different ways. Anyway, he’s sort of… been… texting me, a lot.”

“Okay.”

“He wants to get together, meet, hang out, spend time getting _reacquainted_ …”

“Uh huh…” Bellamy hummed with what sounded like great effort. 

“I’ve told him no, many times and that I’m not interested in being friends or anything else. But he keeps asking if he could be allowed to explain what happened way back when but honestly I don’t really care. I’m so far past it and I don’t know. I guess there isn’t a great reason to _not_ see him again, but I just - ” Clarke sighed. “I’m not making any sense.”

“No, you are. You’re not obligated to spend time with anyone you don’t want to - especially if they’ve hurt you before or simply your instincts are saying stay away.”

“Yes, that’s kind of what’s happening I think. Everytime I see him or get a message, my stomach just twists and the things he’s saying, it’s like he’s not even hearing me. And then tonight, I told him I didn’t want to see him anymore, that he needed to stop and he basically just told me we were meant to be and when I was ready to accept that, to let him know.”

“That’s not okay, Clarke. Even if you were being unreasonable in not wanting to give him another chance or be friends, which you _aren’t_ , he still needs to respect that you’ve very clearly said no. Your reasons are your own.”

She felt her eyes moisten and she wiped angrily at them. “And it’s not just me in this anymore. I have Madi and I - I can’t take a chance with her. Everything is just - I’m so tired. I’m trying all the time and she’s counting on me - Wells is counting on me and it’s so hard,” she let out, breaking down a little. “All I think about every day is how I’m going to keep her happy, healthy… and - I’m sorry.” 

The moment that first tear spilled over, Bellamy scooted closer, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and bringing her into his side. He adjusted Madi so her legs were on his lap and Clarke let her head fall on his shoulder as more and more tears slipped down her cheeks. 

“You’re doing a great job, Clarke - the best you can. Raising a kid - it isn’t easy. I know what it’s like, to feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders, like it’s all up to you to make sure they turn out right.”

She realized he did have a bit of an idea of what it was like. He’d helped to raise Octavia and he was only a child himself when he’d had to take that on. From what she knew, their mother was still around, loved her children, but was gone more often than not in order to afford to keep them fed and clothed, leaving Octavia to Bellamy for most of the time. Sure, it wasn’t exactly the same, but it was close enough that she felt comfort in the fact that he did understand.

“And to top it off, you lost your best friend, two of them. Have you grieved that yet?” he asked gently and she didn’t answer, didn’t want to admit to avoiding doing just that. She hated crying - Wells called her out on that in his letter - hated feeling things too deeply. She cried during the inital shock and sadness, but usually avoided anything more than that. Clarke turned further into him, his warm, woodsy scent working its way through her senses, calming her. “Clarke - ” he started, but cut himself off, swallowing whatever words it was that was going to follow. 

“I’m sorry,” she said once her quiet tears had started to slow - seconds or minutes or hours later. She hadn’t been sobbing, nothing so violent that would’ve woke Madi, but it was enough emotion that it kept her from being motivated to move. Until she realized his shirt was now wet and it was probably much too late for her to still be there. She tried to ignore that it was going to be hard to forget the exact way her body fit into his, the overwhelming sense of peace it brought her to be held by him. She hated that despite whatever decisions her mind made about him, she kept doing the opposite.

“Don’t be.”

“I should go,” she told him, starting to sit up, her eyes feeling heavy, every muscle in her body aching. Still, she had imposed on him enough. “Your shirt is now wet and you’re probably exhausted and waiting for me to leave.”

“Not exactly,” he teased, smirking at her. The arm that was embracing her stayed where it was, but his other one came up to scratch at his neck. “You two can stay, you know, take one of the rooms upstairs? They’re just sitting there. I keep it ready for O when she breezes through town, or when Miller is here too late to drive home, so…”

Clarke shook her head. “I can’t do that to you, my house is literally five seconds away.”

“Clarke,” he said, giving her a look. “You don’t look awake enough to make it to the front door.”

“I can do it,” she insisted stubbornly, not giving any indication just how much her resolve was actually waning. “It’s just as far as one of the rooms,” she pointed out. 

“Okay. It’s up to you, just wanted to offer,” he told her, putting his hands up in surrender. 

Clarke narrowed her eyes at him and he let her glare, his eyes lit up with amusement. She knew he wasn’t going to force her, was going to let her make whatever decision she wanted. The thing was, she did want to stay. She loved her and Madi’s house, over the past month and change, they’d made it a home, someplace safe and welcoming to live. But tonight - tonight it didn’t feel like that. It felt big and empty and lonely and cold and she wanted to stay. Stay and let Madi remain curled up in Clarke and Clarke wrapped protectively around her. 

Clarke groaned, and stood, adjusting Madi in her arms, who remained passed completely out, clutching the blanket she was wrapped in. Bellamy stood with them, helping to tuck the blanket in so it wouldn’t fall off. 

“So which bedroom is our’s?” she asked finally and Bellamy grinned wide and nodded his head towards the stairs.

“Second on the left,” he told her. “There’s a bathroom connected to that room. You need anything else?”

“I don’t think so. Wait, my phone is almost dead, do you mind plugging it in for me? And then wake us around 8 if we aren’t already up? I need to go into the school at some point to actually work on the teacher work day,” she chuckled. 

“You got it.” He turned and walked towards the kitchen, carrying their mugs with him. 

“Hey Bell?” she asked, her voice hoarse. He’d been right, it would’ve been nothing short of miracle if she’d made it all the way home. He turned back around and raised an eyebrow. “Thanks. Seriously. I don’t know why you care, but you do, and I - _we’re_ really lucky to have you.”

He stared at her for a moment before responding. “You don’t need to thank me. I’m the lucky one, okay? What you said earlier at the game? You’re one of my best friends too, Princess. I mean, I did really luck out, you know? Who knew what kind of crazy people Sydney could’ve rented that house to,” he teased before turning back away from them. “You girls sleep well.”

***

Bellamy paused outside the door of the girls’ room at 7:55 the next morning, listening closely before entering. The room in which his _best friend_ was currently sleeping.

It was true, in the simplest form of the phrase. She was one of his best friends, absolutely. They’d spent enough time together that he felt comfortable calling her and being called that by her. 

So then why did it feel like a rock in his gut when she’d said it?

He didn’t know how to do this. Every time he saw her, he wanted to hold her, listen to her, make her laugh, do whatever it took to elicit that smile - the brilliant one that lit up her whole face. He wanted to toss Madi in the air and kiss the top of her head and cuddle her in close. He wanted to fight with Clarke over what movie to watch or what music to listen to or whether to put pineapple on pizza or not. 

Maybe the pit in his stomach was because it didn’t feel like he was _just_ her best friend. Or at least, that’s not all she was to _him_. 

He didn’t want to just dream about her every night, though that’s definitely what was happening. He wanted more than that - or at least find out if they were on the same page, or even reading the same book.

His muscles had been tense from the moment she was out of sight the night before, his ears on high alert in case something had happened between her and Finn while he was inside with Madi. He knew she could handle Finn, but it was hardwired in him to look after those he cared about. So he stayed on edge until she walked through the door and he felt like he could breathe again. 

And then he’d held her while she let herself cry. 

Bellamy had held and/or comforted each of his friends in various life stages and emotions over the years.

Raven, after Wick left.

Murphy, after he’d screwed up with Emori and almost lost her, and in a rare-for-him moment of vulnerability actually let himself feel it.

Emori, for the same reason.

Monty and Harper, after they’d had a miscarriage early last year.

Octavia, when she was little and missed their Mom or she didn’t get a photography job she wanted or a million other reasons over the course of their childhood. 

Holding Clarke though - that had felt worlds different than all the others.

It had felt a little like putting the last piece of the puzzle in the picture or seeing the ocean for the first time, or a bunch of other stupidly cliché things that all added up to him being screwed with the awareness that his feelings that he had been trying so hard to push away were deepening. 

But they were friends, good friends, but still. Bellamy knew that she was so focused on Madi, as she should be, that the timing wasn’t there. So he’d be whatever she needed him to be. Because he really did love being her friend first and foremost. 

He checked his watch - 7:59. Since he hadn’t heard any noise come from the room, he turned the handle gently and smiled instantly at the sight of the two curled up into each other. The blankets had been kicked off - by Clarke or Madi he didn’t know which - and their faces were buried in the mountain of pillows he kept on the bed. Stepping closer, he heard Clarke softly snoring, and such a noise somehow seemed both completely out of place and completely in tune with what he’d thought Clarke would be like as she slept. 

Not that he’d been imagining Clarke sleeping. Much.

He crouched next to the bed, setting the mug of coffee he’d brought on the nightstand and ruffled his mess of curls with his hand before reaching over to brush a strand off of her face carefully. After the night before, the glimpse of the stress she was under, the tightly wound way she was trying to hold onto everything, she seemed peaceful like this. Like every care she had was finally taking a rest and he hated that he was going to have to be the one to disturb that stillness. He wanted to bring her peace, not take it away.

“Clarke,” he whispered softly. “Hey, Clarke.” Bellamy ran his fingers down her arm gently in a way that was probably playing with the friendship-appropriate boundary line. She woke with a start, jostling Madi only a little but her eyes were wide-open, wild, and confused. “Well good morning Princess. You always wake up like you’re being chased?” he teased.

“Very funny,” she said and he internally cursed the fact that he now knew how Clarke’s just-woken-up, sleepy voice sounded. She groaned, “What time is it?”

He checked his watch. “8:02.”

She frowned at him. “You were supposed to wake me up at 8.”

He gave her a look. “Hey, don’t blame me. Maybe if you didn’t sleep like the dead you’d have woken up quicker.”

“Fair point,” she conceded.

“And - ” he gestured over to the nightstand. “I brought coffee.” Her eyes widened and he could hear her sniffing for the aroma like a bloodhound. He chuckled lightly. “So am I forgiven for the two minute lapse?”

She nodded quickly. “I think a pardon can be arranged.”

“Oh thank goodness. I thought it was straight to the gallows for me.”

She smiled at him. “Nah, too messy.”

Bellamy shook his head. “Come on down when you’re ready.”

She reached out over Madi’s little stirring figure and gripped his hand. “Thanks, Bell.”

He squeezed her hand back. “Anytime.”

\-----------------------------

Bellamy walked up the stoop to Clarke’s house, grateful that it seemed like the majority of the snow seemed to have passed for the winter. They’d had a relatively mild winter, with one big snowstorm just before Christmas and then the one a couple weeks ago. It was mid-February now, so it was still possible that they’d get some flurries here and there, but usually it wouldn’t stick, or at least it wouldn’t stick to the roads. Spring would come soon and he was looking forward to some warmth finally. Snow was fun for a while and definitely beautiful, but Bellamy preferred the sunshine.

The Arkadia Middle School Valentine’s Dance was one his students always looked forward to, but for the life of him he couldn’t figure out why since none of them actually danced. Most of it consisted of various groups of friends standing around eating and chatting with the occasional boy or girl glancing around, nervous to ask their crush to dance.

He and Clarke were both chaperoning, and Madi was going to be hanging out with Hope and the other kids with Delilah. He’d offered to drive, but Clarke insisted that since there wasn’t snow anymore, that she take a turn for a while to give his truck a break from driving the three of them around everywhere. He tried to explain that wasn’t how it worked, that his truck didn’t need a ‘break’ but she wouldn’t hear of it. 

He knocked on the door with one fist, two roses in his other. Clarke opened the door like she usually did - akin to a tornado. She was always in a rush, except when she was painting or drawing. Those were the only times he ever saw her be still. 

She was dressed simply, like him - after all, it wasn’t _their_ middle school dance. But somehow she still looked breathtaking in her dress. It was black, coming to just above her knees, overlaid with lace and sleeves that came down to her elbows. Her blonde waves came down to just below her shoulders, with a small clip that pinned some of it back.

“Hey! Come on in!” she beckoned and he stepped over the threshold with his arms already flung wide for the little girl barreling towards him. 

“Bellamy!”

“Hey munchkin! Look at that dress!” he gushed, knowing that it had probably taken a small miracle to get her to actually pick one out. Madi smiled wide and twirled around for him. “Very pretty!”

“You wouldn’t believe how many choices Glass had for her,” Clarke chuckled.

“Mommy loved dresses,” Madi told him, her smile faltering.

“Yes, she did,” Clarke agreed, booping Madi’s nose and making her grin once again.

“Well, you made a lovely choice, Madi. For you,” he said, handing the little girl one of the roses. When he straightened up to face Clarke, she looked up at him and something flashed behind her eyes, but it was quick and he couldn’t quite grab hold of it. “And for you,” he said a little softer, holding out the other one for Clarke. He leaned towards her before he could think better of it, far too keenly aware of the familiar scent of citrus, and kissed her lightly on the cheek. “You look beautiful,” he ventured to tell her, impressed that he actually managed to get the words out. “You both do.”

Her eyes snapped to his and a small smile played on her lips. “This was sweet, thank you.”

Madi hugged his legs. “Oh my goodness, these are so pretty! Aren’t they Auntie?!” she exclaimed.

“Yes, absolutely. Let’s go put them in water and get our shoes on, hmm?” She guided Madi towards the kitchen and crouched to get a bud vase from under her sink. She filled it with water and her and Madi stuck their roses in. “Okay, run upstairs and get your flats sweet girl, we have to get going.”

Madi nodded and ran off and Clarke faced him, a smile on her face as she leaned back against the counter. Her cheeks were flushed pink and he tried not to hope that it was because of him. “You don’t look so bad yourself, by the way.”

“Oh this old thing?” he teased and his heart leapt when she laughed. “You sure you don’t want me to drive?”

“Stop. We’re not doing this again. I am perfectly capable of driving,” she insisted, walking towards the door to slip on the heels that were sitting by it.

“I guess we’ll see.”

She dropped her mouth in mock offense, slapping him lightly on the shoulder. “Mads! Let’s go!” she called up the stairs.

“Do you want a picture?” he asked, but she glanced at him in confusion. “I mean, of the two of you all dressed up,” he explained.

“Oh,” she breathed, and furrowed her eyebrows. “Yeah, I guess, that would be nice. Good idea. I don’t have - ” she cut herself off, frowning. 

“You know, for an artist, you seem to have forgotten photography is part of that genre,” he pointed out. 

She chuckled. “I guess I did. I don’t have many of the two of us. Madi has a picture of her and her parents on her nightstand, but - I guess it’s okay, right? If we have some together too?”

He finally realized what she was getting at - that she didn’t want Madi to think she was replacing her parents. That if they took pictures of special occasions or fun times that she was putting herself on their level - a level he knew she was being careful not to touch. 

“Clarke, _you’re_ the one raising her. Just because you aren’t her mother doesn’t demean the time you have with her. She’ll want these memories to look back on when she’s older.”

Clarke took a deep breath. “Right. Okay,” she nodded as Madi came back down the stairs. “Hey Madi, you want Bellamy to take a picture of us?” 

Madi nodded excitedly, oblivious to the mini-crisis Clarke had just gone through. “Then can I have some fruit snacks?” she asked and the two of them laughed. He snapped a few pictures without further fanfare before they headed out, Clarke grabbing her a pack of fruit snacks for her to eat in the car and then they were off.

\-----------------------------

“Madi having a good time?” Bellamy asked Clarke loudly, trying to be heard over the music and handed her a cup of punch. They’d been there for an hour and really that was an hour too long for him. He’d much rather be at home watching a movie or out for a drink with Murphy. At the thought of Murphy, however, he was reminded of their conversation about his and Emori’s Valentine’s Day plans and suddenly a middle school dance was what he’d much rather be thinking about.

Immediately after they’d arrived, Clarke and Madi left to drop Madi off with Delilah. He hadn’t seen her since, getting pulled into a conversation with Jasper, who’d generously agreed to DJ the dance and then had to break up a couple kids making out in the hallway. 

They were _middle schoolers_ , Bellamy kept thinking. Even he didn’t have that much game in middle school, though he definitely had it figured out a little better in high school.

“Oh yeah. I just got back from checking in on her. Apparently, she’s gotten a few valentine’s from the other kids and she’s already requested a treasure box to keep them in.” They were leaning against the closed bleachers in the gym, watching the kids _not_ dance to Jasper’s excellent musical selections. It seemed to always be one way or the other. Either they were making out, or afraid or getting cooties. Middle school was a weird time of life.

Bellamy chuckled and shook his head. “That kid. I can make her that box, you know, if you need one.”

She glanced over at him and smiled. “Thanks, but uh, actually I have one. Wells got it for me when we were kids that I was going to give her to use - I used to keep all the little things that meant something to me in it.”

“Oh yeah?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. “Like what? What kinds of things does Clarke Griffin find special enough to hold onto?”

“Oh,” she let out, a little breathy and he caught a blush creep onto her pale skin and she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “Little things. Ticket stubs, photo booth pictures, all the usual cliches,” she shrugged.

“That doesn’t really sound like you.”

She looked surprised. “What do you mean? You don’t think I can be sentimental? Should I be offended?” she asked with a frown, her brows knitted together. “I think I’m offended.”

Bellamy let out a chortle. “No,” he said, shaking his head. “Not at all. Just - that doesn’t sound like the kind of stuff you would’ve kept, that’s all,” he shrugged.

“Hmm,” was all she replied, crossing her arms and pursing her lips. “Now I think I’m offended that you know me _too_ well.”

“Trust me, you shouldn’t be. So I was right?” he asked with a smirk.

He saw her bite her lip. “Fine. That’s not what’s in there,” she mumbled.

“Aha!” he remarked triumphantly. “I knew it. So, what _is_ in there?” he prodded.

“Well - ” she started but got cut off when they were joined by another teacher. Cillian, the health teacher/school nurse. Bellamy had only talked to him a few times over the past couple of years. He seemed nice enough, clean cut, from the right side of the tracks. He was friends with Josephine Lightbourne, who was a student teacher in the science class at their school. Why Josephine had decided to become a teacher was far beyond Bellamy’s guestimation, since in all their interactions it seemed to him that she didn’t even like kids. But apparently she came from some rich family that Bellamy had only heard about on the news and basically could get any job she wanted. So Cillian being friends with her was enough to get him to steer clear of the man.

But what piqued Bellamy’s curiosity most was that he seemed to already know Clarke, which Bellamy tried hard not to frown at, since it really wasn’t his business who else she was friends with other than him. 

“Hey Clarke, you’re looking lovely.”

“Oh thank you,” she replied politely.

“Cillian,” Bellamy nodded towards the man.

Cillian turned his head towards Bellamy for the first time, like he hadn’t even noticed he was there until that moment. “Bellamy, always a pleasure. History department is still treating you well?”

“Sure is. How are things on your side?” he asked, sipping at his cup of punch.

“Great. You know the health field is changing all the time, always new things to learn and explore. It’s really exciting,” Cillian gushed. While Bellamy certainly appreciated that the medical field was full of innovation and discovery, he was always more excited to learn about the past, knew that learning about where you came from was important in knowing where you were headed. “Clarke, how’s Madi adjusting?” he asked, turning his attention away from Bellamy.

“She’s doing well. She really loves Delilah and the other kids in her class so I think it’s been good for her.”

“That’s wonderful. I, uh - ” Cillian started, but he cut himself off, sparing a quick glance at Bellamy and suddenly it felt like he was intruding on a private conversation, despite the fact that it was Cillian who’d interrupted _them_. “I was wondering,” Cillian began again, dropping his voice so Bellamy had to strain his ears to hear what he was about to ask over the music. It was eavesdropping and it was wrong for sure, but he couldn’t help himself. “Have you given any more thought to my offer to take you for coffee or, uh, dinner sometime?”

Bellamy’s heart sank and he swore the temperature of the room dropped ten degrees. So not only were Cillian and Clarke acquainted, he’d actually already asked her out. Bellamy shifted a foot or so away since he knew now he _definitely_ should not be a part of this conversation, despite his pathetic desperation to hear her answer. 

He was so conflicted. On one hand, he’d had plenty of chances to tell Clarke how he’d felt so he couldn’t begrudge the other man for being more courageous than Bellamy was. On the other hand, he felt irrationally upset that Cillian would think it was appropriate to ask Clarke out on a date with all she was going through. And then on third hand (because he apparently had three of them now) he knew it was none of his business and Clarke could make the decision for herself and didn’t need him sticking his nose in it.

He snuck a glance under the guise of looking around the room and his eyes locked on Clarke’s for the briefest of seconds, but it was enough for him to sense the indecision in them. Then -

“Uh, yeah, that would - would be great, Cillian. Coffee sounds... great.”

And it felt like Bellamy had raked his palms across broken glass. He couldn't even put whatever feelings he had for Clarke into words yet; he only knew that they were there and that it hurt to hear her accept Cillian’s offer. It hurt way worse than he thought it would or should. 

She continued, “Maybe Saturday, after lunch? I was going to take Madi to visit Raven at the shop for lunch and I can see if she wouldn’t mind Madi hanging out with her for a while.”

“That would be - great. It’s a date,” Cillian said excitedly and the petty part of Bellamy wished it was Cillian that was raking across broken glass.

“Right. A date.”

Bellamy could feel the flush creeping up his neck to his cheeks and he was overwhelmed by the very emergent need to be anywhere else. “Uh, I'm going to - there’s a kid - I’ll be right back,” he mumbled, sure that they didn’t even hear him and he made his way towards the noisy double doors, desperate for fresh air.

***

She was going to say no. Was sure that was what was going to leave her mouth when she responded to Cillian’s offer. And it wasn’t even because of Bellamy, just more that she was busy with Madi and school and didn’t need to complicate things by adding dating into the mix.

Also, maybe more than a little bit because of Bellamy.

But they were both standing _right there_ and though she had no idea how Bellamy felt about her, _if_ he felt anything besides friendship for her, she suddenly saw the two as different as night and day. Cillian, though she didn’t know much about him, seemed safe. He seemed kind, positive, good-looking, and Harper had vouched for him. 

Bellamy was - well, he made her feel safe too, but in a totally different way. He could somehow manage to make her feel completely at peace and chaotic all at once. And that scared the _fuck_ out of her. The way he put all of her senses on high alert whenever he was around, the easy way she could open up to him, the way he loved Madi - it was all so intense and big and sent her spinning. She wasn’t sure if she was strong enough to handle something like that, even if she’d decided the risk of things ended badly and losing him forever was a risk she was willing to take.

So when she opened her mouth, and told Cillian she would love to have coffee with him, she forced herself to not look at Bellamy to see his reaction.

Then he mumbled some excuse to leave that she couldn’t really understand, his body radiating tension off in waves.

Saturday was two days away and she knew Raven had a short shift that morning and Clarke had been meaning to spend time with her anyway. It would give her a chance to chat with Raven about it before heading off to see Cillian. 

The rest of the night went by uneventfully enough, Bellamy came back in about ten minutes later and they spent the rest of the evening dutifully watching over the students. 

The drive home wasn’t silent, but it might as well have been with how awkward it felt. Once they’d gotten past the rough start of their friendship, they’d had no problems talking about anything and everything and now it just seemed like they couldn’t get in sync. They kept talking over the other and making bad jokes that the other didn’t really get until they gave up and just talked to Madi about how her night had been, which she was all too eager to entertain them with story after story.

_This is why_. This was why they couldn’t start anything. Because when it inevitably went south it would end up tense and awkward and she’d lose someone who was one of her closest friends and she wouldn’t be able to survive that again. They pulled up to his house and she let Madi out, who wrapped Bellamy in a big hug before running up the steps of their porch.

“Start getting ready for bed, Mads! And don’t forget to put your shoes - ” Clarke started to call after her, but the door slammed shut before she could finish. She turned back to Bellamy. “Ten bucks says I trip over her shoes on my way in,” she joked.

“No bet. You’re definitely eating pavement. Or, you know, hardwood,” he amended, sighing and cringing a little.

“Is there - are you okay?” she asked.

His eyes, which had been focused on the keys in his hands, snapped up and Clarke started regretting asking. He nodded once. “Just a weird night.”

“Right.” She didn’t want to ask why for fear of whatever it was they were dancing around actually getting dragged out into the light and she’d have to confront what she’d been running from. 

“Um, Miller was texting me all night. Jackson had to work and he was just bored and anyway. Weird night, but I’m glad that Madi had a good time and you had a good time?” he asked.

“I did. I’ll see you in the morning for school? I’ll try to be ready first this time,” she tried, giving him a smirk.

Bellamy reached up and scratched at the back of his neck. “Uh actually I was going to head in early - get in a run around the track since the weather isn’t shit anymore. So I’ll just see you there?” 

“Sure,” she shrugged, trying to make it seem like no big deal, like she didn’t have the sinking feeling he was avoiding her. And the kicker was, any other time it wouldn’t be a big deal, him leaving early and them not carpooling to work together, it’d happened plenty of times, especially if one of them knew they’d have to stay late or leave early or whatever. But this time - it felt different. “Goodnight, Bellamy.” Clarke turned and started walking through the gate, trying to will the tears that were pricking the corners of her eyes to dissipate.

“Night, Princess,” he responded, so quietly she almost missed it. Though the tone he used made her wish she had.

She picked up the pace and got into the house quickly, and sure enough, tripped over Madi’s small shoes, strewn about in the entryway. “Damnit,” she said under her breath and kicked the shoes off to the side. 

She kicked her own heels off on top of the Madi’s and made her way to the kitchen for a glass of water, more resolute than ever in her decision to keep Bellamy as a friend. They’d find their way through whatever awkwardness there was and they’d go back to normal. 

Then Clarke’s eye caught on the roses left in the vase on the counter and her mind flashed to him handing her one and kissing her cheek and her fingers flew up to find the exact spot where his lips had seared a mark on her skin. She remembered the way her heart had almost burst out of her chest at his closeness, the thoughtfulness of his actions and suddenly her resolution had the smallest of fissures running straight up the middle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Warning** : There is a tone used in Finn and Clarke's conversation that could make some people uncomfortable, so I wanted to make sure you were prepared going in. Please let me know if this isn't explicit enough and I need to be more specific.
> 
> *  
>  **End Notes**  
>  I KNOW! Lots of angst, lots of pining, big slow burn... kind of my MO! But happy endings are also my MO so I hope y'all hang in there ❤ In the meantime, still lots of fluff and domestic Bellarke - even if they need to pull their heads out of their asses lol. Thanks for reading and all your lovely comments! See you next Saturday! ❤
> 
> Here's the link to my tumblr if you want to come hang out or vote for your fave authors and fics in the BFWA!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone!  
> I know I'm about a day late on this one, but real life keeps butting into my fictional world, so sorry!
> 
> But I hope this one makes up for it a little!
> 
> I am going to respond to all your comments, I promise! Like I said, real life. But I want you to know how deeply honored I am to hear from each and every one of you and that it means SO MUCH to me! So thank you ❤

Clarke pulled up to the shop and grabbed the diner food off the passenger seat. “You ready, kiddo?”

“I’m so excited to see Raven!” Madi exclaimed. Clarke smiled and got out, setting the bag top of the car before bending to unbuckle the little girl. 

“Remember, don’t touch anything. Lots of dangerous tools, okay?”

Madi waved her off. “Yeah yeah I _know_.”

“Madi,” Clarke warned. 

Madi harrumphed. “Fine. I will be careful.” Then she turned towards the shop spotting Raven and started running anyway. “Raven!” she shouted.

“Madi!” Clarke called after her, frustrated that she’d _just_ told Clarke she’d be careful. 

“Whoa, where’s the fire Madicake?” Raven asked, coming out of the bay just as Madi got to her, slamming right into her legs. “You know there’s lots of dangerous stuff in there right? You shouldn't just go barreling in there silly,” Raven told Madi, crouching down and tickling her in her side, catching her when her little body squirmed so badly she almost fell right over. Raven stood, bringing Madi up with her and propping her on her hip. 

“There is?” Madi asked with wide eyes, glancing over Raven’s shoulder at the shop.

“Yep, and a big hole right in the middle of the floor.”

“Whoa. I definitely be careful,” Madi said determinedly.

Clarke chuckled as she made her way over to the two of them. “I literally just finished telling her that.” Clarke rolled her eyes and held up the bag. “You ready for lunch?”

“Yep, just finishing up on Jasper’s hunk of junk. I swear, if he didn’t have me to fix all the many things that go wrong on it for him, he’d have spent enough to buy five other cars with the money he would’ve sunk into that thing,” Raven huffed. “But apparently it’s his baby and really, who am I to argue?”

“Like the challenge?” Clarke guessed as they headed in the main part of the building and past the desk at the front towards the back to Raven’s office. 

Raven laughed. “Yeah I guess so. Every time I have to replace another part, it becomes a game to see if I can even still order it. Shaw and I have a bet as to which part will be the one to break the camel’s back.”

They sat at the small table Raven had in the room and Clarke started pulling stuff out of the bag. “So this is it, huh? I can’t believe we haven’t been here yet.”

“Yeah yeah, I see where your priorities lay Griffin.”

“Shut up.”

“Auntie, that’s not nice,” Madi pointed out. 

Raven turned to hide her smirk and Clarke tried her hardest not to smile. “You’re right, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t say sorry to me, say sorry to Raven,” she commanded, taking a bite out of her chicken nugget. 

Clarke turned to Raven who had her lips clamped shut and an amused expression on her face. “I’m sorry, Raven, for telling you shut up.”

“I forgive you.”

Clarke turned back to Madi and the girl nodded her approval. “So you giving us a tour after lunch?” she asked, turning back to Raven.

“Sure.”

“And I won’t touch anything!” Madi declared. 

“Now she listens,” Clarke mumbled. 

Raven just laughed to herself and shifted Madi on her lap so she could take a bite of her burger. “Oh, I _love_ the Skyline Diner. Seriously, Aurora just makes the best burgers.”

Clarke chuckled. “You’re on a first name basis with the cook?”

Raven squinted and shrugged, messily wiping at her face with a napkin. “Well, not the cook, I guess. But yeah, the owner is like a second mother to me. Or, well, a first mother, since _technically_ my first mother was a piece of - ”

“Got it,” Clarke interjected before Raven said something that she’d have to explain to Madi. “So which one was Aurora?” she asked, trying to remember the faces of the people she’d encountered when picking up the food - Clarke knew it was possible that the owner wasn’t actually there, they weren’t always part of the day to day operations. It was busy - being lunchtime on a Saturday and all - but the place was cute, laid back. It seemed like a popular place; Raven was right, the burgers were awesome. 

Raven gave her a look. “Wait, you really don’t know who she is?”

Clarke cocked her head at her friend. “Should I?”

“Well, it’s Aurora Blake - Bell and O’s mom?”

As soon as Raven said it, she instantly knew who Raven was talking about - the woman that had helped her was a perfect mix of her children. At the time, something had seemed familiar, but that happened a lot and Clarke hadn’t thought anymore about it. She had long, straight, dark hair and green eyes like Octavia with freckles and a sharp jawline like Bellamy. 

“I think I did meet her. She was nice but a little - focused?” Clarke said, trying to find the right word.

“Intense?”

“Yeah, kind of. But she was really helpful - even gave me an extra box of fries.”

“Yep, that’s Aurora. She’s really awesome - fierce, independent. She’s kind of had to be. Otherwise - ” she stopped abruptly, her face taking on a concentrated look.

“What?” Clarke prompted. 

“Uh, I think Blake’s story to tell. At least for my part she’s basically saved my life more times than I’m willing to admit.”

“Hmm. Maybe I’ll introduce myself next time? Sounds like a woman I wouldn’t mind knowing.”

Raven chuckled. “Oh yeah you two would get along - just watch out. She can be - ”

“Intense?” Clarke smiled. 

“Actually, I was going to say protective.”

Clarke frowned a little, trying to figure out why Raven would need to warn her of that particular character trait. “Anyway,” she said, changing the subject and shaking her head to clear her thoughts. “This whole kingdom is yours, huh?”

“Sure is. Well, half, actually. I bought it after my old boss slash mentor, Sinclair, left to open a second location. He asked if I’d run this one while he was gone and I told him no way.” Then Raven winked at her. “Not unless it was mine, anyway. So we have an agreement. I own half while he gets the other place up and running and then I’ll make him an offer for the other half. He taught me everything I know.” She shrugged. “I think I bugged the shi - crap out of him at first, I was always hanging around, asking questions. When my mom had to bring the car in, we had to stay until it was done and I just couldn’t get enough. He was patient, never made me feel like my questions were ridiculous - unlike my mother.”

“It’s really awesome, Raven. Seriously I love it. Is this how you met Zeke?”

Raven nodded. “Yeah, he came in for an interview and I gave him the job. Then he wanted to date and I used the boss/underling thing as an excuse for a while, thinking he’d move on. I wasn’t really looking for anything, even though I was definitely into him too. Then, one day he quit, out of the blue. Told me that since we weren’t coworkers anymore...” she trailed off, taking a sip of her water.

“Clever.”

Raven shrugged. “Yeah. He’s really great. I just - ” Raven inhaled sharply but didn’t finish her sentence.

“What?”

“Nothing.” She shook her head and squeezed Madi, giving her a sloppy kiss on the cheek before the girl hopped off Raven’s lap to go look through the magazines on the desk. “Nevermind. So what are you girls up to today?”

Clarke swallowed heavily. “Actually, I wanted to see if Madi could hang with you for a little while? Just like an hour or two.”

Raven’s eyes narrowed. “Sure. Of course she can. What’re you up to?”

Clarke coughed. “Nothing. Not much, anyway. I just, kind of, uh - ” Clarke winced. “Have a date.” When Raven’s eyes widened to the size of saucers, Clarke added, “Kind of! Like a half-date thing. It’s just coffee.”

Raven was quiet for a long moment, then - “Finally!”

Clarke opened and closed her mouth, not really sure what she wanted to ask. “Wait, what? I’m confused.” She really hoped Raven didn’t mean what Clarke thought she did.

“Well, I mean. I know it’s only been a couple months but geez Clarke, it’s like - ”

“Raven!” 

Okay, so it was what she hoped it wasn’t.

Raven closed her mouth and gave her a look. “What?”

“I’m not - ” Clarke groaned. “It’s not - ” Clarke told herself she wasn’t saying Bellamy’s name because it would confuse Madi and not for any other reason. “Cillian. I’m going to have coffee with _Cillian_.”

Raven’s face scrunched in such a way that would probably look ridiculous on anyone else, but on her of course it was still gorgeous. “Who the hel - _heck_ is Cillian?”

Clarke rolled her eyes. “Remember that guy I was telling you about a couple weeks ago? The health teacher?”

“Oh yeah, I remember him,” Raven nodded, grabbing a fry and chewing on it absently. Clarke raised an eyebrow at her and she sighed. “I think it’s great. That you’re getting out there. And of course I am completely happy to hang out with Madi; I love that kid.” 

“Uh huh…” she trailed, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

“You just didn’t - look, when we talked, you just didn’t sound super thrilled. About going out with him.”

“Yeah, well, I thought about it and I figured what was the harm with some coffee?”

“Totally,” Raven agreed a little too heartily to be completely sincere. “So which coffee shop?”

“Um, somewhere on main street, Grounders?”

“Oh yeah, love that place. They have great donuts,” Raven told her, moving past whatever awkwardness they’d just been in. 

Clarke had wanted to bring this up to her before now, and this probably wasn’t the best time with Madi right in front of them, but she thought Raven would want to know. “Hey Madi, here is the coloring book you wanted to bring and your crayons,” she began, pulling the supplies out of her bag. “Why don’t you go over to the couch and color a picture for Raven?”

“Okay!”

Raven eyed her suspiciously, but said nothing while Clarke got Madi settle a little further out of earshot. “So what do you have to tell me that you don’t want her to hear?”

“Finn showed up at the house. After the Superbowl.”

“ _What_?!”

Clarke held up a hand. “It’s fine - I took care of it I think. And he hasn’t contacted me since, but Rae, it was _weird_. It was like he wasn’t hearing me or hearing what he wanted to, I don’t know. I told him to back off, but he still seems to think we’re ‘meant to be’ or some shit like that.”

“I’m going to kick his ass.”

Clarke chuckled. “Oh I think I can kick his ass on my own just fine, but thanks for the offer. I just wanted you to know. In case you run into him or something.”

“He better hope we don’t run into each other.”

Clarke glanced over at Madi. “Yeah, I just don’t want her getting in the middle of this.”

“Hey,” Raven said firmly, reaching across the food to grip Clarke’s arm. “None of us will let her be in the middle. You aren’t alone Griff, we’ve all got your back. Yours _and_ Madzilla’s.”

“Really?” Clarke asked, but couldn’t help but smile at the nickname. Raven never seemed to be short of them.

Raven wiggled her eyebrows. “I got more, don’t worry.”

“I don’t doubt it. Thanks, Rae.”

Raven just nodded and smirked and soon they were laughing once again. Clarke knew she wasn’t alone, that they had a whole community of people who were on their side, but it was still nice to be reminded.

\-----------------------------

Clarke glanced back one more time before driving away, but Madi and Raven had already gone back inside the house. They’d decided to have Raven watch Madi back at home since Madi needed a nap anyway. She wasn’t sure how she was going to react to Clarke leaving, since her parents were only supposed to be gone for a little while too. She never knew quite how Madi was going to react to things and she had a feeling it would be that way for a while.

Clarke expected maybe screaming or crying or at least clinging, but while Madi was clearly apprehensive, she genuinely didn’t seem to mind Clarke running out for a bit. She didn’t tell Madi it was a date, but that she was going to meet a friend and be back a little after Madi woke up. Madi furrowed her little eyebrows and asked for exactly how long Clarke would be gone and nodded firmly when Clarke promised not longer than two hours.

Raven assured Clarke she had it and sneakily promised the girl a special Raven-Madi treat when she woke up. Clarke had given her at least a dozen kisses before finally making her way to the car. 

Really, Clarke thought it affected her more than Madi.

She pulled into a spot about five parking spaces away from the coffee shop. There were spots closer, but she needed a minute; she couldn’t figure out why she was hesitating so much. Cillian was kind, good-looking and like she’d told Raven, it was just coffee. There was literally no pressure here, no commitment, but there was this _feeling_ she couldn’t shake. Something felt off, almost, like a puzzle piece she was trying too hard to fit into an empty space that _looked_ like it should fit but didn’t. 

Clarke huffed and shook her head. That was too introspective for this; more than likely it was just nerves because it’d been well over a year since she’d dated, wanting a break after the disaster that was Lexa. She was being ridiculous. So she took a deep breath and turned off the car. 

Her phone dinged. 

**_Cillian:_ ** _Hey I’m here. What’s your drink?_

_**Clarke:** Just parked. Be there in a min. White caramel mocha. Thanks_

Clarke climbed out of the car and started towards the coffee shop. She hadn’t been downtown very often yet, sticking mostly to the outskirts of Arkadia. They’d finally taken the garland down that had been there when she and Madi arrived, and decorated the light post with colorful wreaths of flowers instead. A sign that spring would soon be on its way. The chilly weather contradicted that season would make its appearance anytime soon, but still, she was looking forward to some sun. 

Her hand was on the handle of the cafe when her phone dinged again. She frowned, wondering if it was Cillian again, but when she unlocked it, she found that it was Bellamy texting her instead. She let her hand drop and stepped to the side for a moment to read it.

**_Bellamy:_ ** _Sorry to interrupt, ran into Rae, she told me you were meeting Cillian._

_**Clarke:** Yeah… just got here. little nervous I guess._

_…_

She stared at the blinking dots, feeling even more nervous than she had a second ago. Would he be mad that she didn’t tell him? Why _hadn’t_ she told him? Why was she a little annoyed that Raven did?

_**Bellamy:** Don’t be nervous. He’s the lucky one. Let him be the one to sweat over it._

_…_

_**Bellamy:** Besides, if you’re the one to sweat about it, it’ll make you smell._

Clarke chuckled at his stupid joke and shook her head. But still, it made her feel better. She tried to push down the tiniest pang of disappointment that he was encouraging her, however, and typed out a response.

**_Clarke:_ ** _Very funny. I’ll have you know I don’t sweat._

_**Bellamy:** Sure. Have a good time, Princess. You’ve got this._

Clarke took a deep breath and shook herself off, heading back for the door. “You’ve got this,” she told herself, repeating Bellamy’s words and pushing her way in, the warmth of the shop a stark contrast of the icy air she’d just come from. She glanced around until she found him, towards the back. He waved her over, standing in respect of her arrival. 

_He’s the lucky one._

Those words of encouragement were ones she kept to herself.

***

“See? I can be supportive,” Bellamy insisted, practically throwing his phone down on the bartop in front of him.

Murphy snorted and he could see Emori barely concealing a laugh at the other end of the bar. “That proves nothing,” Murphy said with a raised eyebrow.

Bellamy sighed and threw his hands up. “I don’t know what you want from me.”

“Sure you do. You’re just acting stupid.”

“Since when do bars come with unwelcome advice?” Bellamy sneered.

Murphy gave him a dumbfounded look. “Um, since forever?” he said, like it was obvious, which it kind of was. “Since when do you day drink?” his friend shot back at him. 

Bellamy just glared at him and took another swig of his beer. It was hardly day drinking - it was only… Bellamy checked his watch. 2 pm. Damnit the son of bitch was right. “It’s only a beer. And don’t you have a pizza parlor to run? Over there?” Bellamy nodded towards the door that divided the two sides of the business.

“Sure do. But when my brother comes in here in the middle of the afternoon and orders a beer… well let’s just say I was curious.”

“You know what curiosity did to the cat don’t you?”

“Well, I guess I'm willing to risk one of my nine lives.”

Emori saddled up next to her husband. “A cat? I don’t know, I think I always pictured you more as a cockroach,” she told him with a smirk. 

Murphy put a hand to his chest in mock offense. “You wound me.”

“Look at it this way… cockroaches survive more than cats do.”

Murphy pretended to consider her argument. “Hmm, yeah. Okay. I’ll allow it.”

Bellamy shook his head. “Anyone ever told you two that you were made for each other?” he chuckled.

Murphy and Emori just exchanged a glance with each other, one of those rare genuine smiles that Murphy often reserved just for his wife. Emori reached out and touched a hand to Murphy’s elbow, leaning in. 

“I’ll go check on the restaurant, let you two guys watch over the bar, hmm?”

Murphy leaned towards her, kissing her forehead. “Thanks,” he murmured and watched as she left. 

Bellamy felt a little like he was intruding on a private moment, but he couldn't stop watching. The way they were with each other, the casual touches, the lingering glances, the obvious tether between the two - tugged at a place deep inside him. A longing that he was sick of pushing away, but had no choice but to continue doing so. 

The door swung shut behind Emori and Murphy leaned over the countertop to smack Bellamy in the head. 

“I told you that you were screwed,” Murphy told him, shaking his head. “From the moment I met her, I knew it.”

“Ow, Murph, geez.”

“Well? Am I wrong?”

“Look, it’s fine okay? I told you, I’m being supportive.”

“So you’re just going to… what, _force_ yourself to stop having feelings for Clarke? You really think it’s going to work?”

“It’ll have to,” Bellamy muttered, staring into his empty glass. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore. What’s going on with you?”

Murphy rolled his eyes and took Bellamy’s bottle, putting it behind the bar and replacing it with a glass and pouring one for himself as well. “Nothing, really,” he shrugged, sipping at his drink. “Emori has been talking with Monty about getting a garden going around back for the spring.”

“What do you think?”

“Vegetables we grow ourselves for the pizza? Uh, yeah, I think it’s a good idea.”

“You’re not exactly a farmer though,” Bellamy pointed out. 

Murphy chuckled. “True. But Emori is really good at it and Monty said he’d be over to help. I think it’s worth a shot anyway.”

“Sure. As long as you share the goods,” Bellamy told him with a smirk. “I like vegetables too you know.”

Murphy waved the bar towel at him dismissively. “Get your own garden, Blake.”

It actually wasn’t the worst idea, one that he’d toyed around with for a while, but never really got around to it. Monty and Harper always had plenty to share with their friends and family, but recently Monty had started selling his at farmer markets and to local stores and Bellamy was already planning on not taking any from them this year. Harper had almost gotten straight up mad at him when he’d told them that, telling him that their family came first before selling, but Bellamy stood firm.

So yeah, maybe building his own garden out back would be a good idea. It might even be something he could do with Madi. He knew they lived in an apartment back in California, so it would be a fun thing to teach her. 

He did truly love that little girl. She was fun and spunky and independent. She was also loving, and kind and he liked spending time with her. It was one of the reasons he hadn’t made any moves towards Clarke - he was worried how Madi would take the adjustment. She was already dealing with so much upheaval and change and he didn’t want to add to her stress.

And, he suspected, that if Clarke ever had any indication of similar feelings towards him, it would be why she wouldn’t want anything to happen either. 

And Cillian was… nice. He was a good guy and would probably make Clarke happy. If they hit off and there was a second date.

The thought made him want to throw up a little. 

But he really did just want her to be happy, so if Cillian was the one to do that for her…

“Hello? Earth to Bellamy?”

Bellamy looked up and blinked a little, realizing he’d been staring rather fervently at his glass and Murphy must’ve been trying to get his attention. 

“Where’d you go?” his friend asked, drying the inside of a glass slowly, methodically. 

“Thinking about my own garden, since you can’t be bothered to share,” he joked, laughing off the intensity of the past couple minutes. “Emori doesn’t mind your lack of generosity?”

Murphy’s shit eating grin revealed that Bellamy had walked right into what his friend was about to say. “Oh no, I assure you, I am _plenty_ generous to her.”

Bellamy shot him a disgusted look but laughed anyway as he threw a spare rag at his face, causing the glass to slip from Murphy’s hands.

“Fuck!” he exclaimed as he fumbled with it, just barely catching it before it shattered all over the floor. Bellamy just laughed harder and Murphy glared at him. 

They spent the next hour talking about nothing of substance as Murphy readied the bar for the Saturday night crowd - if one could call it that, considering Arkadia’s smaller population. Eventually Bellamy joined the effort as Murphy got busier with customer orders, helping to wipe down tables and putting the clean glasses away, anything to keep his mind and hands busy, though he checked his phone more often than he probably should’ve. 

It wasn’t like he was expecting an update on Clarke’s date or anything, or even _wanted_ one really, but like usual, he found himself wanting to hear from her, even just some stupid gif or meme or emoticon. Murphy didn’t say anything else about it, though Bellamy knew he noticed, if the twitch of his lips on his friend’s face in his peripheral every time Bellamy tried to ‘casually’ glance at the ‘time’ on his phone. 

He sort of hated that he was apparently so easily read, that his burgeoning feelings for the girl next door were so obvious. And his panic started setting in, wondering if their friends were pestering her as much as they were him.

But Raven had obviously not discouraged her dating someone else, and by the way Harper was weirdly avoiding looking at him yesterday, it was probably safe to say she knew about it too.

Two months ago, his biggest concern was grading his student’s finals and what to do over the upcoming winter break and whether he should consider visiting O in Italy or just wait for her to come home. 

Simple concerns, regular old boring concerns. 

Now?

Now his life felt flipped. It was messy, complicated, full of emotions that he didn't have a name for and he hadn’t planned on feeling and he felt like his simple, regular, old, boring life had been lit up and was burning down around him like wildfire.

Like the methodical, orderly manner of his day to day had been doused in fuel and Clarke was the spark.

And while to anyone else that might sound awful, to have everything you thought you wanted to burn away, but to him, it didn’t feel that way. It felt more akin to the world being lit up brighter around him. Dark gray skies to blue, cloudless ones. 

It didn’t feel awful - it felt transformative. 

Which, coincidentally, also made him feel a little pathetic - to think of it like that, cheesy and almost poetic. He’d always been terrible at poetry.

When he finally ran out of things to putter around with at the bar, and the effects of the drinks had worn off enough for him to drive, he took his leave, sending a nod Murphy’s way and a hug for Emori. 

She was a little thing, but she’d always been fierce, smart in a way that wasn’t quite quantifiable. “Don’t think so much,” she told him as they said goodbye. “Your strength, Blake, is in your heart. Use that instead. Heart over head.”

He wasn’t exactly sure what she meant by that, if she was saying hang on or let go, but the potential answer to that question was too enormous for him to ask for. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know what she would say.

***

“So when the Lightbournes and I got back from our travels, I decided to settle here for a while, get the feel for ‘small town life’, you know? And it’s quaint, if a little boring sometimes, you know,” Cillian was telling her. She’d asked how he landed in Arkadia - whether he’d always lived here or came looking for the same thing she did - a home.

It turned out to be neither of those things. He’d grown up in Sanctum, a city that was known for its opulent wealth and appreciation of the finer things. A lot like where Clarke had grown up in New York. It turned out that he was a family friend of the Lightbournes, a family Clarke had known through her father’s company, Eligius. She’d heard the name all through her childhood, rivals in the technological advancement field. 

“Josie and I both, actually, decided to take a break from the rich lifestyle and try something new. I’d always loved teaching and I figured where better than Arkadia?”

Clarke nodded. She could understand that. Sometimes having too many things causes them to lose their meaning. Everything becomes disposable when you can just get another. 

But the way he described it - it almost sounded like a game to him, not a search for something bigger and more important than himself.

“Right, I met Josie once, I think, at a family function in New York. She was - ” Clarke bit back what she really wanted to say and instead decided on “ - sharp.”

Cillian laughed. “Yes, Josie is definitely an acquired taste, for sure. But she’s a force to be reckoned with anyway.” Clarke laughed with him, albeit a little uncomfortably. “She’s here, you know, in Arkadia. Came with me to the school. She’s a student teacher in the science class. Smart as a whip.”

“You two aren’t…” Clarke hesitated. It didn’t really matter to her what Cillian’s past relationships were like or to whom, but the way he talked, she had to be sure. “...together, are you?”

Cillian laughed so loud that the people from the next table glanced over. “Hell no. We’re just friends. I couldn’t handle Josephine even if I wanted to.” He narrowed his eyes at Clarke then, taking her aback. “Speaking of… you and Blake?”

It was a clarification she’d just asked _him_ for, but somehow the question still rubbed her the wrong way; it felt too intrusive and she could feel her defenses rising. “No,” she insisted. “There’s - we’re not - he’s my neighbor. And a friend. A close friend. We’re not together.”

Something flashed behind Cililan’s eyes but they were back to their neutral state in less than a second. “Ok then. So tell me about California? I’m sure it was beautiful.”

Clarke smiled, glad that any awkwardness that had occurred in the past couple of minutes had dissipated and that he seemed satisfied with her response. Nothing that he’d said was weird or wrong or out of line, but there was something in his tone that kind of got under her skin. She tried reminding herself, though, that this was how dating was _supposed_ to go. It was supposed to be awkward and a little confusing. It wasn’t like the movies - you don’t just meet someone and fall in love. That wasn’t real life. 

For reasons she couldn’t explain and chose to ignore, Bellamy’s face flashed through her mind. But that was probably because they’d just been talking about him. 

She didn’t love Bellamy.

Well, ok, she loved Bellamy, sure, but she wasn’t _in love_ with him. And even if she were…

Nope, she wasn’t. 

She told Cillian about California, college, having originally gone just to _study_ art, not to learn to teach it. But one of their assignments had been to join a local elementary, middle, or high school class, some kind of _remember your beginning_ thing and she’d ended up helping the teacher demonstrate at the front of the class. She watched as the students focused on their work, and while some did indeed do just the bare minimum, she loved the looks on their faces as they worked and she had realized then what she wanted to do with her art degree.

Cillian listened intently, asked all the right questions at all the right moments and soon, they were closing in on the time that she’d told Raven she’d be home by.

He wasn’t amazing, there wasn’t some earthquake-equivalent moment with him, but he was kind, and attentive, and she found that she’d actually had a pretty decent time with him. 

So when he asked if they could get dinner the next week, it wasn’t too hard to say yes. 

He walked her to her car and they hugged quickly and awkwardly. Then Cillian smiled at her and leaned over, giving her a kiss on her cheek. It was in the exact spot that Bellamy had kissed her only two nights ago. The memory of the warmth of his lips, the way they were somehow soft and rough all at once, the tone of his voice soft as he told her she looked beautiful - all of it made her heart sink. 

Everything Cillian did, said - all of it her mind was instantly comparing to a man she wasn’t with in that way and she didn’t know how to keep it from happening. 

“Thank you for coffee, I’ll see you next week for dinner,” she told him, forcing herself to smile despite the turmoil she was feeling. But she was resolute. With enough time and focus, things would shift. Clarke was sure of it. 

“I’m looking forward to it. Arkadia doesn’t have many ‘date night’ restaurants, but I’ll come up with something,” he winked at her. “I’ll do it right, pick you up and show you a good time. And wait until Josie hears that there’s a Griffin in town and I actually managed to land a second date with her,” he smirked, clearly intending it to be a compliment. Like he was honored that she’d actually agreed to date him.

But all it made her feel like was a prize to be won, to be shown off and bragged about, which wasn’t exactly her favorite thing. 

_He’s the lucky one._

Clarke gritted her teeth in frustration, trying not to show it to Cillian. “See you on Monday, Cillian.”

He winked at her again and left her to walk to his own car. She climbed in quickly and practically slammed it in reverse, tearing down the road.

“Get it fucking together, Clarke. Cillian is nice, open, handsome. Stop fucking thinking about - ” she grunted, annoyed that she couldn’t even say Bellamy’s name out loud. “You two _aren’t_ a thing, you’ve never been a thing, you’ll never be a… thing,” she sighed, defeated.

Because despite everything she just said being true, she knew she didn’t _want_ it to be.

***

Bellamy didn’t see Clarke all day Sunday and they didn’t even really have time to talk on the way to school Monday morning past hellos since she was on the phone with a parent. Which was fine by him, since he knew that once he saw and had a chance to talk to her again, he’d have to hear about her date and while it was just coffee and not an engagement, he didn’t really want to hear about it - especially if it went well.

But they were friends, and he knew he could avoid it forever. So when he saw her sitting in the faculty lounge eating her yogurt during lunch, he sighed and decided to just bite the bullet. 

Her head snapped up when he sat down, but she instantly relaxed when she saw it was him. 

“You okay?” he asked.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” she asked, frowning into her cup.

He chuckled a little. “You just look startled. Expecting the boogeyman or a monster or something to jump out and get ya?”

Clarke rolled her eyes at him. “Very funny. Just a little on edge I guess. Madi was up a lot last night,” she sighed.

Now it was Bellamy’s turn to frown. “She okay?”

Clarke nodded. “Just a weird night. Full moon or something, probably.” Her gaze returned to her cup, stirring it around with her spoon a few times without actually eating it

His eyes narrowed. “Okay, if you say so.” He bit his lip. _Here we go._ Bellamy took a deep breath. “So, uh, how was your, uh, date?” he asked, swallowing his nerves heavily and hoping she wouldn’t notice.

Her gaze flickered up to him, her round blue eyes somehow getting even rounder. “It was, uh, good. It was good.”

“Wow, should I start planning the engagement party? I mean with excitement like that…” he couldn't help but tease.

His stupid joke had its intended effect though and the rewarding chuckle and smile it elicited out of her made his heart lighter. “Ha ha. No, no wedding. He’s great, he is. Polite, considerate - we had a good time. It’s been a while since I was out without Madi. You know I love that girl, but - ”

“You’re still your own person, too?” he guessed.

“Yeah. Anyway,” she shrugged. “Is that awful?” 

Bellamy felt his shoulders drop and he reached across the table instinctually, grabbing the hand not holding the yogurt spoon. “Not at all. It’s important for Madi to see your independence too. If she got sick or was having too rough of a time, would you have gone?”

Clarke’s eyes got even wider and she shook her head. “No, of course not! She still comes first.”

“See?” he said, pulling his hand back across the table. He sort of hated how easy it was to touch her, how natural it felt to comfort her that way, how his heart beat faster at her proximity. His hand knew the feeling of hers in his and he wasn’t sure how he was going to force himself to forget it. If he was going to move past these feelings for her, he’d have to, but he was dreading it all the same. “Stop second guessing yourself all the time, Princess. You’re doing a good job.”

It wasn’t the first time he’d told her that, but he knew it meant something to her to hear it and he would reassure her however many times she needed it. 

“So how was your weekend?” she asked, taking a deep breath. “I feel like I didn’t see you at all.”

Bellamy’s hand ran through his hair absentmindedly. “It was… fine. Uneventful, quiet. Saw Murphy for a while on Saturday, talked to O on Sunday.”

Clarke sighed. “I keep meaning to call her, but I swear it only crosses my mind when I can’t. How is she? I should set an alarm or something to remind me,” she said distractedly, looking around like she was trying to find said alarm to set right then.

He laughed and it brought her attention back around. “She’s doing really well, she says. She’s actually dating someone, apparently,” he said, hearing the disdain in his own voice seep out. He’d never been very good at maintaining calm when Octavia decided to date someone. 

Clarke must’ve heard it too, because he saw the small smile creep on her lips. “Oh really? Good for her.”

It was bait, he knew it was. He knew Clarke was trying to get him to show his overprotective big brother true colors and he wouldn’t give her that satisfaction. Octavia had all but called him out on it too when she’d told him. So, instead, he agreed with her. “Yep,” he said, a little more curt than casual, but he was only human. “Good for her.” 

“Does mystery man have a name?” Clarke asked, a little too innocently. 

“Lincoln.”

“Hmm. Strong name. I’ll bet he - ”

“I mean, it’s not like they’ll be together forever, right? Just while she’s there in Italy and yeah. She’ll leave and he’ll stay there, so it’s not really a big deal.”

He hung his head. So much for playing it cool.

“I don’t know. That’s kind of up to them,” she pointed out, much to his chagrin.

“Well he’s not going to _follow_ her back home. That’d be way too serious of a relationship for O.”

Clarke nodded a little. “Sure, I suppose that’s what that would mean.” 

Bellamy could feel his eyebrow tightly knit on his expression, and he fiddled with his water bottle, ripping the label off with a little too much vigor. Then her hand came into his peripheral and suddenly his fingers stilled. He sighed and looked up.

“It’s fine.”

She shook her head. “Bell. She’s a grown woman. It’s okay, _good_ even, for her to be in a serious relationship.”

Bellamy scoffed. “I know that, Clarke,” he dismissed, but felt his fingers tighten with hers minutely.

“You’re a good big brother. You’ll figure out a way to deal with this eventually. Because even if she and Lincoln _don’t_ last, she'll find someone else. Don’t ever stop caring, though, okay? She needs that too. You’ve got such a big heart,” she smiled at him.

He let himself get lost in her gaze, the usual startlingly vividness of her irises darker today than normal, and for just a second, a stupid, selfish moment that might give up his feelings to her if she looked closely enough, but he wanted the world to fade away just for a bit and exist in a world with her as the center. And she held him in place, her hand tight on his and her eyes searching.

“Clarke.”

The voice came out of nowhere, shattering whatever it was they’d found themselves in and he tried to keep the defensive scowl rising up in his chest at the interruption pushed down.

Clarke blinked heavily and turned to the man who’d said her name but because he was still looking at her, he noticed something in her smile. The way it didn’t touch her eyes, the small dimple on the left side of her cheek not present, and her jaw slightly more clenched than an actual smile should cause. 

If he didn’t know any better, he’d say that she wasn’t happy at Cillian’s interruption either. 

But he wrote it off as wishful thinking. 

She withdrew her hand and Bellamy tried to not hold it against the man. 

“Cillian, hi. How was your morning?” she asked, the forcefulness in her smile still evident.

“It was good. Thought I saw a bit of sun poking out of the clouds, maybe we’ll get an early spring, hmm?” he asked her, leaning down to kiss Clarke chastely on the cheek. Bellamy blinked and tried to not to throw him against the wall.

Clarke was not his to defend, not his to kiss. She was her own person and if she didn’t want Cillian’s lips on her, she’d speak up.

She didn’t.

“Wouldn't that be something? I for one miss the sun,” Clarke insisted. “I mean, I won’t miss the heat of California summers, but a little warmth after all this chilliness would be nice.”

“Where are you planning on summering?” Cillian asked her. Clarke’s fake smile turned into a frown and her eyebrows scrunched together the way they always did when she was confused.

“‘Summering’? What do you mean?” she asked.

“Well, I’m sure the Griffins have a house somewhere? Maybe Rhode Island? Up in Maine? One of the lakes? Where you spend summers? Surely you aren’t staying in this town the entire season?”

Bellamy hadn’t even thought about something like that. He’d just assumed she’d be here when O got back and they’d have the whole summer to hang out and catch up. He’d even thought about seeing if they’d want to go on the annual camping trip that he and their friends go on. Maybe take Madi fishing or something? But he supposed Cillian might be right. Clarke Griffin, daughter of a renowned surgeon and Eligius engineer might have other plans. It didn’t sound like her, but maybe he was wrong. He tried not to let the disappointment show on his face. 

“Uh, actually,” she began, and glanced at Bellamy quickly before turning back to Cillian. “My parents do own a cabin up at Lake Eerie. Madi and I stopped there on our way to Arkadia.” Bellamy’s heart sank. “But yeah, I was actually planning on staying in Arkadia for most of the summer anyway. Maybe we’ll go up there for a week, maybe visit my parents in New York, but no, I don’t ‘summer’, Cillain. Arkadia is our home and is where our friends are, so… we’ll spend our time here.” 

Bellamy’s lips twitched up. Maybe they _would_ get to spend time together that summer after all. 

“Hmm,” Cillian hummed, glancing at Bellamy with a flash of something that made him want to shift uncomfortably, but he resisted. “Well alright then. Summer is a long ways away so I guess you never know what could happen,” he told her, turning his gaze back to Clarke and winking at her. 

“I suppose you don’t,” Clarke agreed. “Anyway, I should get back to class. We are doing oil pastels today and I need to get the supplies out and ready.” Clarke stood and gathered her lunch stuff, getting ready to leave.

“I’ll come with you,” he said, standing up as well, not exactly thrilled with the prospect of being left with Cillian.

“Actually, Blake, I was hoping to pick your brain about something, you mind hanging back for a minute?” Cillian spoke up. 

So much for that.

Bellamy narrowed his eyes suspiciously. “Sure. No problem,” he responded, wondering what in the hell the man could want. “I’ll catch up with you later, Clarke.” 

“Sounds good.”

Cillian reached out and put a hand on her arm, and leaned in for another kiss. “Have a good afternoon. I”ll text you later? About Friday?” he asked. Clarke nodded.

Bellamy sat back down, and Cillian took the spot Clarke had just vacated. “Friday, hmm?” he asked, though he didn’t really want to know the answer. 

Cillian grinned. “Yeah, we’re going on another date - dinner, maybe a couple other things, I’m hoping to make it really special for her. A woman like her doesn’t come around too often.”

Bellamy chuckled dryly. “No, she doesn’t.”

He waited, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms. Cillian folded his hands on the table. “I just wanted to chat for a quick minute - man to man.”

Bellamy sighed. “Okay.”

“I know you and Clarke are close, when I asked her about it on Saturday, she said you two were just close friends, but I can’t help but notice just _how_ close you two look when you’re together.”

“Still waiting for the question,” he responded sharply. This wasn’t appropriate - especially if the man had already asked Clarke about it. But he knew where this was headed. He could sense the warning a mile off. 

“When I walked up, your hands - ”

“Cillian, you’ve been on _one_ date. And that’s great. If you’re what makes Clarke happy - ” he took a deep breath. “ - that’s up to her. I don’t own her and _neither do you_. You have no right to dictate my friendship with Clarke. Especially because of some innocent hand holding over a situation that you don’t have any idea about.”

To his credit, Cillian straightened up, rising to the challenge and not looking intimidated in the slightest. “Except - ‘just friends’ don’t look at each other like that.”

Bellamy’s jaw clenched and his arms flexed, his heart beating a little faster. He wasn’t sure if Cillian was referring to him looking at Clarke, or vice versa, but the man wasn’t entirely wrong. Maybe he didn’t look at Clarke the way he should. Maybe there was more he was giving away than he realized. 

Maybe he _should_ stop looking at her like that. 

She wasn’t his to look at that way. 

“If you have concerns over _our_ friendship, maybe you should talk to the woman you’re dating.”

Cillian smiled at him. “A woman like Griffin _should_ be dating a man like me. We’re a good match, a good fit. Come from the same circumstances - we _get_ each other.”

“I don’t think you know Clarke at _all_ ,” Bellamy retorted, leaning forward. “You’ve been on one date and suddenly you’re the Clarke Griffin expert? Please,” he scoffed. 

“Like you’ve known her much longer?”

Bellamy teeth ground against each other. “I’m not having this conversation any longer, Cillian.”

With that, he stood and exited the room, making his way hastily across the school to his classroom, where he spent his last few classes frustrated and annoyed. 

Frustrated at Cillian’s audacity to think that he was entitled to tell Bellamy to back off or whatever. Clarke was a grown woman who could choose to spend her time with who she wanted. It wasn’t like there was anything untoward going on between them anyway.

Annoyed, because Cillian had more or less called out his feelings for Clarke, which Bellamy had just barely managed to skate around. If he didn’t get it under control, he might lose Clarke even as just a friend. Especially if things between her and Cillian got more serious.

The thing was - the way Bellamy acted with her, spoke to her, was drawn to her, it wasn’t necessarily intentional - none of it. It was all instinctual, as if it were the most natural thing in the world. If anything, he was already holding himself back.

The thought of changing their relationship to something less was… painful. Literally painful. 

Oh shit.

_Oh shit._

Oh.

No.

The realization came to him, the moment she climbed into the seat next to him that day after school, after buckling Madi into her carseat. She’d touched his shoulder, smiled sweetly at him and engaged in a conversation with Madi about colors. 

The most normal, even a little boring conversation. 

Bellamy felt like he was having trouble breathing all of a sudden. His face was warm and his eyes tried to blur, though he forced those to remain focused so that they wouldn’t crash. 

_This right here._

This was all he’d ever wanted. 

He could feel it in him like it’d been there his whole life. 

Like his heart had just let his head in on the situation. 

The reason why it was painful to think of letting her go, of letting their relationship morph into anything less than what it was. He’d already assumed it would never be more - much as he didn’t want to admit he wanted that. But he’d never let himself understand _why_ , or just how deep his feelings for her ran. But now, it was the most simple, painfully obvious thing in the world.

He loved her. 

He was _in love_ with her. 

This stunningly beautiful, unique, stubbornly wonderful woman. The one who hated to cry, liked ridiculous toppings on her pizza, couldn’t find anything if her life depended on it, created art all around her like the world was her masterpiece, took on the responsibility of raising a child that wasn’t hers, a child that he’d come to completely adore - 

He loved her. 

As simple as that.

_Oh shit._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! He admits it! Even if it's just to himself lol. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed that chapter. We're getting closer! Now if only Clarke would wake up, right? 
> 
> Next update should be on schedule, on Saturday.  
> It has a couple of scenes I had a lot of fun writing, so I'm excited to share it with you! 
> 
> Thank you all again, have a wonderful week!
> 
> ❤


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, this update is late, I'm so sorry! I could give you a list of the reasons, but either way, I am sorry. Hopefully this won't happen next week, but I appreciate your patience and support nonetheless!
> 
> This chapter has some of Charlotte's home life/background in it, which may be hard to read for some so I'll add a warning in the end notes if you'd like to check it out first. It's overly explicit, but I figured it's better to be safe!
> 
> Hope you enjoy this one! Here you go ❤

“So I hear you have a new boyfriend?” Clarke asked with a grin. She’d spent almost a week after Bellamy had told her about Lincoln trying to get a hold of Octavia. Either Clarke was too busy or O was, or the time difference just wasn’t on their side. 

Then, enough was enough and Clarke told her she didn’t care if it was 3am, she wanted to catch up with her friend. She had a feeling that O would guess what she wanted to talk about so she’d wasted no time and when she saw Octavia’s name light up her screen, Clarke had answered the phone with her leading question.

O groaned in response and Clarke tried not to laugh. _Too_ hard, anyway. “He’s complaining _already_?” 

“Not complaining, necessarily. Just more… he’s… _concerned_.”

“Right. Whatever. You don't have to defend him, you know. I know you two have been getting along better lately but really. You can tell me what he said.” _Getting along_ was a vast understatement for who Bellamy was to her, but Clarke decided not to get into right then with his sister no less.

“I want to hear what _you_ have to say, O! I want to hear about this mystery man,” she deflected.

“Well, his name is Lincoln - and _Clarke_ , he is a _dish_ , let me tell you! He’s seriously the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen.” Clarke laughed. “And he’s got muscles for days. But he’s got the kindest, most thoughtful heart. He looks like he could pound someone six feet under, but really he’d never even hurt a fly.”

“Sounds like you’re pretty smitten,” Clarke smiled. It was sweet, to hear O talk like that about someone. She’d had her fair share of disastrous relationships, but she was an amazing woman and deserved to be with someone who saw that. Octavia had always been more open than Clarke, more likely to believe in the _better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all_ aspect of relationships. She envied that kind of spirit and outlook. Maybe if she could, she wouldn’t be so afraid of getting hurt again.

“I - Clarke this is going to sound stupid, I know. And you can’t tell Bellamy, because hoo boy I don’t want to hear what he would say about it, seriously he would freak. But I’m telling _you_ because I know I can. I’d tell Raven too if she weren’t harder to get a hold of than you are - ”

“Her shop has been crazy busy with business lately. O, just spit it out,” Clarke chuckled.

She heard Octavia take a deep breath. “Clarke… I - I think - _no_ , I _know_ \- I’m in love.”

Clarke’s jaw dropped open. “Wh - what?”

Octavia was right - Bellamy _would_ freak. And/or have a heart attack. 

“I know, okay? I know I’ve only been seeing him for a short while, and have known him just barely longer than that. But Clarke, it’s the most natural and incredible feeling I’ve ever had. There’s just - something about the way we are together that is just undoubtedly right.”

She hesitated. Octavia sounded completely genuine. But - you can’t fall in love with someone you’ve only known for that short of time. No way. Wasn’t possible. But she also didn’t want to be the one to rain on her parade.

“Are you sure - ” she began.

“Yes. Every single question you’re going to tell me is going to end with me saying _yes_.”

Clarke chuckled. “Okay, O. I believe you,” she decided to say. Because, really, who was she to question it? She hadn’t seen Octavia, not really, in years and never met Lincoln. Maybe this was one of those rare, meant-to-be kind of love stories that get written about.

Wouldn’t that be nice?

Cillian flashed through her mind. It was definitely _not_ the same thing O was describing, but - maybe one day? Then Bellamy flashed through her mind, as he usually did, and she pushed away whatever thoughts and feelings before they could surface.

“So tell me, any guys in Arkadia strike _your_ fancy?”

“‘Strike my fancy’? You get your phrases from Harper or something?” she teased.

“Oh shut up, you know what I mean.”

“Sure, O. Uh - sort of? I’ve been seeing someone, I guess? It’s new, we’ve been out a couple times.”

She heard Octavia gush. “Tell me all about him! Do I know him?”

“I don’t think so. He’s newer to town, like me. Actually, he’s got connections to a family my family grew up in rivalry with.”

“ _Really_? So like Romeo and Juliet? How dreamy!”

“You _do_ know how Romeo and Juliet ended, don’t you?”

“Sure, sure. But still - how’s it going?”

“Fine.”

Silence. Clarke winced. She couldn’t come up with something, _anything_ , better than _fine_? O was definitely going to pick up on her lack of enthusiasm.

“Fine…” Octavia repeated agonizingly slowly.

“Well, it’s only been two dates so far. Coffee last week and dinner last night.” Silence again. “We can’t all have love at first sight, O,” she added softly. They all couldn’t be that way, however much she wished maybe they could.

“So how’s the sex?”

Clarke choked on nothing except her own breath. “Sex? No - no - no sex, O. Trying to take it slow,” she managed to get out. If she was honest, she could tell _that_ particular activity had been on Cillian’s mind as well last night. But it hadn’t felt right, so she let his insinuations pass without comment. And he thankfully was a decent enough guy to not say it outright. 

“Okay,” Octavia responded. “Okay, I can get behind that. You’re still new to town, you’ve got Madi… taking things slow is a good idea, _great_ even. Tell me about him.”

Clarke sighed uncomfortably. It really shouldn't be this hard. Aren’t the beginning of relationships supposed to be exciting? Maybe that was also just reserved for the movies. “He’s thoughtful, um, nice, good-looking in that classic kind of way… uh, good with kids. He left me a rose, actually, on my desk in the classroom at school, with a note that said _thinking of you_ ,” she told Octavia. It had been sweet that he’d done that, even if it made her a little uncomfortable for a reason she couldn't put her finger on.

When she walked in her class a few days ago and saw it, it gave her a bit of deja vu, like there was something about it she was missing. But it was thoughtful. Even if he was a bit weird about when she’d brought it up, denying that it was him who had left it. But there was really no one else it could’ve been. She was with Bellamy all morning so she knew it wasn’t him… if he’d even do something like that. And in any case, it was too forward to have been from him, since she was with Cillian. 

“Good, good. Sounds… good.”

Clarke sighed again. “What, O?”

“It’s just… you _do_ like him, don’t you?”

“You sound like Raven.”

Octavia hummed. 

“Yes, I like him. I think so. It’s new. I - I wasn’t sure I even wanted to be dating anyway right now. So we’re just seeing how it goes.”

“Okay,” O said, and if they were in person, she sounded like she would have her hands up in surrender. “How’s Madi?”

“Oh she’s - she’s such an awesome kid, O. I can’t wait for the two of you to meet. She’s got so much sass but she’s just so wicked _smart_. But she’s got this heart of gold, like Wells, you remember?” Even though Wells wasn't Madi's biological father, anyone could see how deeply his caring nature had been imbued in Madi anyway.

Octavia hummed again, softer this time. “I do. He was - wow. That guy was one of the nicest, most genuine people I’ve ever known. And that sass - sounds like Glass. She never took shit from anyone.”

Clarke laughed, relieved to be talking to someone who had actually known her two old friends. “Oh totally. Madi doesn’t either.”

“I can’t wait to meet her.”

“Me too,” Clarke smiled into the phone. “So is Lincoln coming home with you?” she asked casually, knowing that if that was indeed the plan, she was going to have to start working on Bellamy now to prepare him.

“I hope so. We haven’t talked about what we’re doing when this shoot is up, but I know he loves me too, so we’ll work it out.”

“Good.”

“So how’s my brother?” O asked.

“In regards to what? Lincoln?”

“No, I can guess how he is in regards to Lincoln, but just - in general? I miss him. And I talk him a bunch, but I never know if he's glossing over things for my benefit or not.”

Clarke breathed out a laugh. “He’s good. Loves the school - kids still give him grief, but I know he really loves being there. He lights up with every question, every new unit he teaches. He’s also apparently going to plant a vegetable garden in the backyard with Madi. He asked first if that was okay, which, of course it was, and then talked to her about it. Now she won’t stop talking about it. They spent last night while I was out with Cillian pouring over ideas for the planter that they’re going to build in time to get things planted for the spring.”

“Of course they did,” Octavia chuckled.

“Yeah, he’s really good with her. And of course she adores him.”

“A long way from how you guys began,” she observed. “A ‘messy-haired, truck driving, self-righteous asshole’, I believe it was?” 

Clarke laughed. “True. And to be fair, he totally was. But now - he’s - ” Clarke’s eyebrows furrowed. Trying to describe Bellamy Blake and what he meant to her was like trying to describe what gravity felt like. It just - _was_. “Anyway, it’s not like that anymore.”

“So I’ve gathered. Clarke, it sounds like - ” O started, but then she stopped herself. “Nevermind. So Raven’s shop is doing well?” she asked, changing the subject.

“Oh yeah, she’s super busy. She is thinking she may have to hire _another_ mechanic…” Clarke started and they talked for the next half hour, Octavia describing her favorite places in Italy and Clarke talking about school and how her students have been doing lately. 

She told O about Charlotte, who had continued to speak out in class. She knew her friend had through a rebellious phase so it was encouraging to hear the reassurance that Octavia had for her. Since Charlotte always had stopped short of outright insubordination, Clarke hadn’t felt the need to her parents yet, and from the sarcastic snippets Charlotte would spout about them here and there, she got the feeling that they wouldn’t be much help with Charlotte’s behavior anyway. Though she knew she wasn’t going to be able to avoid a conversation with them forever.

Clarke desperately wanted to break those walls down - show Charlotte how beautiful life could be, how to use art as an outlet for all those emotions she was going through. She was so gifted, all of her assignments - that she actually turned in, anyway - showed such talent. And especially once Charlotte reached high school, she’d need something like that to keep her focused. But it wasn’t like she could force the girl to take her help. She just needed to keep providing the opportunities and remind her that she was there if she needed anything. 

Soon, Clarke could barely keep her eyes open and Octavia told her Lincoln was just about to come pick her up to head to their shoot (apparently he was also a photographer), so they bid their goodbyes, promising that they wouldn’t wait so long to speak again. 

Clarke dragged herself off the couch, yawning loudly. It was Sunday the next day, so she didn’t have to get up and out the door too quickly, thankfully. Her head had barely hit the pillow before the unconsciousness took over.

\-----------------------------

“So if you’ll notice by shading in this portion here,” Clarke told her students on a particularly dreary and rainy Friday morning. “Then the effect jumps the image off the page. Gives your sketch an element of three-dimensionality. Can anyone tell me _which_ shading method I just used?” When no one spoke up, she continued. “Come on now, that was your research for the weekend.”

“Who gives students homework on the weekend?” Charlotte scoffed.

Clarke sighed. “Almost every single teacher I know.”

“Doesn’t mean it isn’t stupid.”

Clarke narrowed her eyes. “Watch it, Charlotte.”

Charlotte rolled her eyes as another student spoke up. “Um, cross-hatching?”

Clarke turned her gaze from Charlotte to the boy who’d answered her question. “Yes, Myles, that’s exactly right. Good job.” 

“Kiss-ass,” Charlotte mumbled just loud enough to be heard. Clarke watched as Myles’s face scrunched and turned downward at the insult. She whipped her head back around to Charlotte. 

“Are you kidding me right now? That was extremely unkind, Charlotte. Apologize to Myles, please.”

Charlotte smirked at her. “Or what?” she challenged. “Besides, it’s not like I was _lying_. He is a kiss-ass.”

“Okay, that’s quite enough. You’ve just earned yourself detention.”

“Whatever. Whoever has detention duty today can’t be any worse than you.”

A few other classmates snickered and one of Charlotte’s eyebrows quirked up smugly. 

Now it was Clarke’s turn to smirk. She walked a little closer to the girl, and watched as Charlotte’s puffed up smile faded slightly with every step. “Well, joke’s on you I guess. I’m on detention today.”

“No,” Charlotte said sharply. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”

“Watch your language. And _nope_ ,” Clarke popped at her. “Not kidding. You picked the wrong teacher to mess with. We’re gonna have some _fun_ ,” she assured the teen, who spent the rest of the lesson glowering at her and slamming the door behind her as she left when class was over. 

Clarke slumped down in her seat when the final person left. She had about five minutes before that door swung open again for her next class and she needed to get her frustration under control. They’d been doing - well, not _good_ , but Charlotte hadn’t been _that_ openly hostile in a while. She’d just finished telling Octavia barely a week ago about the situation. If she didn’t somehow get through to Charlotte, she was going to have no choice but involve her parents. And while Clarke could handle and redirect the barbs towards her, she refused to allow Charlotte to involve other students in her taunts.

She pulled her phone out. 

**_Clarke:_ ** _Hey. You still good to take Madi home for me after school?_

_**Bellamy:** Of course. I was thinking of taking her for milkshakes if that’s ok._

_**Clarke:** Sounds good. Thanks, Bell_

_**Bellamy:** ...you ok?_

Clarke scrunched her nose in confusion and quickly reread the texts. There was nothing in it to indicate what had happened or that she _wasn’t_ ok. But still, somehow he’d known.

_**Clarke:** No… not really. How’d you know_

_**…** _

_**Bellamy:** Had a feeling_

_**Bellamy:** Need anything_

Clarke smiled softly to herself and felt the weariness and stress from a few moments ago start ebbing away. Which, was stupid, considering he’d hardly done anything. But she knew he was genuine in his offer and the feeling that gave her was what she needed.

**_Clarke:_ ** _You just gave it to me_

_**Bellamy:** … you’re welcome? Whatever is happening, I’m sure you can handle it._

Clarke took a few deep breaths, putting her phone back in her desk just a few moments before the door swung open and students piled in. She shook herself out of the rest of her mood and went on with her day, focused on the kids in front of her instead of the one coming back later. 

Soon enough, the last bell rang and she bid the students in her last class goodbye as they wandered out to the hall as fast as they could, eager to get home and do whatever it was middle-schoolers did these days. 

She had just finished collecting their papers off their desks to place in the portfolios Clarke kept in a large file cabinet in the back of the class when she heard the door open behind her. She didn’t bother turning around. 

“Take a seat.”

She heard Charlotte dump her bag on the floor and slam herself into the nearest desk. Clarke spent the next ten minutes delicately placing each drawing into the students’ folders without a word passed between the two of them. She turned to see Charlotte slumped over her desk, drawing or writing something, and she started in her direction when the door opened again. 

Bellamy walked in, Madi on his hip.

“Auntie Clarke!” the girl exclaimed, wiggling until Bellamy let her down and she darted past Charlotte straight for Clarke, who caught her and swung her up. 

“Hey, Mads. How was your day? What’re you doing here?”

“Bellamy said you had a rough day and could probably use some lovins before we go.”

Clarke felt her cheeks flush a little and she glanced over Madi’s shoulder to Bellamy, who, if she wasn’t mistaken, _also_ had a tinge of red to his freckle-covered cheeks. 

“Uh,” Bellamy cleared his throat. “From Madi. I meant maybe some love from uh, her,” he said awkwardly. 

Clarke bit her lip and gave him a smile and turned back to the girl in her arms. “I really could, sweet girl, thank you.” Madi wrapped her arms around Clarke’s neck and squeezed her tight. Clarke closed her eyes and relished in the embrace and when she opened them, she caught Bellamy’s gaze from the front of the classroom. _Thank you_ , she mouthed to him, to which he nodded. “Okay, you go with Bellamy, hmm? I’ll see you in an hour. Love you, Madi.”

She set Madi down and she threw a quick “Love you too!” over her shoulder as she bounded back to Bellamy. 

He caught her as she leapt and put her up on his shoulders. “I think I’ve got a surprise just for you, think you can handle it?” Madi started kicking and screeching in excitement, making Clarke laugh. “We’ll see you in a bit,” he said to Clarke. Then, glancing at Charlotte, he added, “Be nice, Char. Clarke is a good teacher, and a good person. She deserves respect and kindness.”

Charlotte didn’t respond and Bellamy shrugged over at Clarke, who nodded, then he and Madi left. 

Clarke sighed, and made the rest of her way to Charlotte, but something caught her attention out of the corner of her eye and it gave her an idea. 

Clarke approached Charlotte, who glanced sideways at her, scowling. 

“What?” she demanded.

Clarke hopped up to sit on the desk next to her. “So, you want to tell me what’s going on?”

“What the hell are you talking about? Just because Mr. Blake told me to be nice, don’t expect - ” Charlotte started, but Clarke held up a hand. 

“I’m talking about the fact that I’ve spoken to your other teachers, Charlotte. While you aren’t exactly a ray of sunshine in their classes either, you aren’t rude or disrespectful. It seems I’m the only one who gets that honor. So you want to let me in on _why_ that is?” She’d had a few conversations over lunch that day, just to get a feel for how Charlotte was in their classes as well.

Charlotte pursed her lips. “Go float yourself.”

Clarke raised her eyebrows at her. “‘Float’?”

“Well I get in trouble if I say ‘fuck’, so…” Charlotte shrugged. “Look, you just bug the shi - hell out of me.”

“Can I ask why?” she tried again. 

“Just - you - ugh I don’t want to have this conversation.”

“Okay,” Clarke said, hopping down off the desk. “I’m not going to force you, Charlotte. I’d like to find a way for us to get along, but it’s a two way street,” she told her. Then, walking over to what had caught her eye a few minutes ago, she asked, “You mind if I get some work done? This is next week’s project, I want to make sure it’s going to work in this space.”

Clarke caught the curiosity in Charlotte’s gaze as she glanced at the bucket that Clarke was indicating, but the girl quickly masked it with indifference. 

Clarke picked up a smock and donned it and reached in the bucket, pulling out a small water balloon. 

“What’re we painting with? Water? How lame,” Charlotte sneered, though Clarke noticed how she kept glancing back to see what Clarke was going to do with it. 

“It totally would be… if it were water in this balloon.”

“It’s, uh… not?”

“Nope. Paint. I had a rough day, as Bellamy and Madi said, so sometimes I like to get my frustration out by painting. Only, a brush doesn’t always do it for me.”

“What do you have to be frustrated about?” she snarked. Clarke raised her eyebrows at her pointedly. “Right. I just mean, it seems your life is pretty perfect. You have a cute kid. And you’re even dating Mr. Blake. Who, like every girl I know has a crush on.”

Clarke stumbled as she threw the first balloon, hitting the giant canvas in the back a little lower than she’d intended. “I’m - I’m not dating Mr. Blake, Charlotte, he’s just a friend.” 

Charlotte snorted and wandered over nearer to Clarke, but she was trying not to draw attention to it, so Clarke let it go without commenting on it. “Anyway, my comment still stands.”

“My life isn’t so easy, Charlotte. I’ve worked for a lot of what I have. And Madi - she lost her parents last year, two of my best friends. _I_ lost two of my best friends.”

“Oh,” Charlotte swallowed heavily. 

“And then I moved our entire lives across the country to a place I’d never been and started all over. So believe me, I have my own struggles. My life is far from perfect and carefree. But even if it were - that doesn’t give you the right to be disrespectful or to judge other people.”

“I know.”

“Then, _what is it_? You are an enormously talented artist, Charlotte, but you’re holding yourself back.” Clarke took a chance then and handed a balloon out to the girl. Charlotte looked down at it and bit her lip, taking it carefully. Then her face hardened and she wound her arm up, throwing it against the canvas, the force exploding the balloon in a splatter of blue paint. 

“I hate how _hopeful_ you are in art. Like you _actually_ believe it can solve _anything_.”

She reached down on her own then and grabbed another balloon out of the bucket, this time splattering yellow paint across the increasingly diminishing white of the canvas.

“ _Hope_ means nothing,” Charlotte told her, her voice breaking a little. “My mom always said - _Charlotte, have a little hope. Your father will get better one day - he’ll see_ ,” she said, purple paint cascading down the canvas with her next balloon. “Well, guess what! He _didn’t_ see. He fucking _overdosed_ on fucking _Christmas_. And my mom just wanders around the house like nothing happened. Hope is for losers. _Art_ is for losers. It used to help and I - what if I don’t want to feel better!”

Clarke’s heart exploded with the next balloon Charlotte threw. Clarke realized that Charlotte _knew_ that art could help her, but she was so deep in her grief, she didn’t even _want_ to climb her way out. And her mother wasn't exactly helping her daughter with that either.

“I don’t believe it can solve anything. But it can _help_. And it’s hard - healing, or _starting_ to heal from something like that. You feel like you’re leaving them behind if you move on.”

Charlotte’s face scrunched together as Clarke could tell she was trying to keep from showing too much emotion. 

“What if I could’ve stopped it?” she asked, voice small and shaky. “What if I were _better_ or something? Why weren’t my mom and I enough?”

Clarke stepped closer. “That wasn’t it, Charlotte, I’m sure of it. People get so focused on their addictions, they don’t know how to stop - or don’t want to. But it had nothing to do with you or your mother. This was _his_ addiction. It wasn’t your fault. He was an adult. You are a child - 13 years old! It wasn’t your responsibility.” Charlotte nodded, her gaze focused on the ground. “So you don’t hate _me_ , you hate what I represent.” Charlotte nodded again. “We can work with that.”

Charlotte snorted. “This doesn’t make us, like, friends or anything. You’re a teacher. That’s gross.”

Clarke chuckled a little. “I wouldn’t dream of assuming that. But let’s maybe try to coexist civilly?” Charlotte shrugged at the suggestion. “And I know that you are still grieving your loss, and I want you to know you don’t need to keep it to yourself. You shouldn’t. Maybe talk to the guidance counselor? And I know you think art is for losers, but how about you give it another chance? I'd love to help you.”

Charlotte shrugged again. “Can I go now?”

Clarke sighed. It wasn’t a huge breakthrough, her attitude was still surly and volatile, but she thought maybe this was at least a _step_ in the right direction. At the very least, she knew what was going on with the teen now.

Clarke nodded the dismissal at the girl, even though detention didn’t technically get over for another 15 minutes. She was grateful it ended up being only Charlotte today, since usually they get at least 2 or 3 students for detention. She would’ve never gotten information like that if there’d been anyone else in the room. 

Charlotte wiped messily at her face, drying the errant tears that escaped her eyes and grabbed her bag off the floor and the paper she’d been doodling on, and practically fled for the door. 

Clarke set up cleaning up the paint mess, which really only took about 20 minutes since she’d already had mess guards around the canvas - a set up for next week, like she’d told Charlotte earlier. 

Her phone buzzed in her pocket just as she was shutting the lights off, and she pulled it out to see a message from Cillian.

**_Cillian:_ ** _Hey you. Hope you had a good day._

_**Clarke:** Not really, got into it with one of the students_

_**Cillian:** That sucks, I’m sorry. Can’t stop thinking about last Friday. Again, soon?_

Clarke hesitated before typing her response. Friday had been fun. In fact, it had been really fun, despite her lack of enthusiasm when she spoke to Octavia on the phone. He’d been a perfect gentleman, even bringing her flowers and picking her up. Though, he’d looked none too pleased to see Bellamy at the doorway seeing her off, where he’d come over to watch Madi for the evening. She caught the look exchanged from between the two, forced smiles and curt waves, but when she’d asked Cillian about it, he’d brushed it off. Bellamy had too, when she’d gotten home and asked _him_ about it. 

She was definitely missing something, but there was too much on her mind to spend much time and effort figuring out what it was if neither of them was willing to offer up the info when she’d asked. 

He’d brought her to dinner, an Italian place she’d mentioned during their coffee date that she’d wanted to try. Then they’d strolled down main street, Cillian stopping them at a little pastry shop where they got dessert. 

It was lovely, and she’d had a good time. But frequently during the night she’d found herself wondering what Madi and Bellamy were up to, what movie they were watching, what they were eating for dinner, how many stories Madi had talked Bellamy into telling her. Madi loved listening to Bellamy’s stories.

But she had made a decision not to pursue things with Bellamy, didn't she? So she’d just have to figure out a way to force herself to put her energy into this new thing with Cillian. Otherwise she’d ruin things like she always did.

_**Clarke:** Sounds good_

Her finger hovered over the send button for a moment before sending it off, but eventually went through with it. His response was almost automatic, like he’d been waiting for hers.

**_Cillian:_ ** _Great! Tomorrow?_

_**Clarke:** Uh, I don’t want to leave Madi again so soon. Next week?_

_**Cillian:** Bring her?_

It was supposed to be a thoughtful suggestion, but it didn’t sit right with her. Despite the fact that Cillian and Madi had already technically met, it was only in an official capacity through the school. She wasn’t sure she was ready for Madi to see him as anything else yet. There wouldn’t be any going back from that and technically they’d only been on two dates.

**_Clarke:_ ** _Not yet. Next week?_

She hoped he’d understand, but really, she didn’t know enough about him to be sure. She finished locking up and headed out to the car. Once she climbed in, she realized she didn’t know where she was headed. Bellamy had told Clarke he was taking her out for milkshakes but she didn’t know where or how long they’d be there. She pulled her phone out - still nothing from Cillian, which was starting to annoy her, if she was honest - and texted Bellamy.

_**Clarke:** I let C go a little early. You guys at home?_

His response came quick.

**_Bellamy:_ ** _Nope, Madi and I are still at the diner. Want to come here?_

Clarke smiled to herself and started the car. After the day she had, nothing sounded better than milkshakes with Bellamy and Madi.

_**Clarke:** On my way_

_**Bellamy:** I’ll have a shake waiting for you, Princess_

_**Cillian:** Sure_

Cillian’s response came at the same time as Bellamy’s and she furrowed her brows at it. The stark differences were not new to her. She tried to tell herself that it was just because of her familiarity with Bellamy, but it was starting to seem like everytime she turned around there was yet another comparison being shoved in her face. Maybe as much as she'd like to think she'd made a decision about what she wanted or was willing to _let_ herself want, maybe she hadn't? 

Maybe she should. Maybe her heart already had and she was just avoiding admitting it.

She set her phone down in the holder on her dash and started making her way to the diner. It wasn’t until after she pulled in the lot that she realized what Raven had said about this diner being his mother’s and wondered if she’d actually get to formally meet her.

***

“So what’ll it be, Madi?”

“Pink!” the little girl exclaimed excitedly, practically bouncing up and down in the booth across from Bellamy. 

“So... strawberry?” he clarified with a smile, because _of course_ when Bellamy asked her for a flavor, she’d respond with a color. 

Madi gave him a funny look. “No, silly, I don’t like strawberries. They have little green things on them.”

Bellamy bit his lip to keep from laughing and decided to point out that the stems wouldn’t actually be in the milkshake. “Okay… so _which_ flavor?” he asked again, hoping she’d give more direction that time.

“Oh my goodness, Bellamy. The _pink_ one.”

“Right… ” he said carefully. His mother walked up then, her grin stretching ear to ear when she saw him sitting there. He stood, and wrapped her in a hug.

“Oh, Bell, it’s good to see you, honey. What’re you doing here?”

He nodded over to Madi. “Taking this little one out for one of your famous milkshakes.”

Aurora gasped. “Is this Madi?!” she exclaimed. He nodded with a smile. “Oh sweet girl it is so good to meet you!”

Madi glanced at him, a little nervously. He sat down next to her and the little girl scooted into his side, burying her head in his chest. His heart almost burst wide open with the motion. “Hey, Mads, this is Ms. Aurora, my mom.”

“You have a mom?” she asked, voice muffled. He laughed and she lifted her head to look at him.

“Sure do.”

“And your mom is Sleeping Beauty?” Madi asked, eyes wide. He laughed even louder and his mother gave him a sly smile.

“Not quite, but thank you for the comparison honey,” she chuckled.

“And she’s heard a lot about you,” he added.

Madi cocked her head. “Really?”

His mom sat where he’d been across the table. “Sure have.”

Madi looked back to him. “How?”

Bellamy smiled softly, if a little shyly at her. “Well, from me, silly,” he told her, booping her on the nose.

“You talk about me?” 

“Well of course. Is that okay?” he asked her, starting to get a little nervous himself. Clarke and Madi were a part of his life, he loved them, so naturally they’d come up in conversations he’d had with his mother over the past couple months. But now he was worried that maybe he shouldn’t have. 

Madi stared him down for a moment. Just when he was going to start apologizing, she nodded once and turned towards his mother. “I’m the famous Madi,” she said matter-of-factly, putting her tiny hand out for his mother to shake. The tension in his shoulders eased to something lighter.

His mother’s smile grew even wider and she extended her hand to meet Madi’s. “It is so wonderful to meet you sweetheart. I hear you’re a very special girl.”

“Yep, that’s me.”

“It’s just the two of you?” his mother asked him. “Where’s Clarke?”

“Detention duty. It’s just special me and Madi time,” he told her, winking at Madi, who giggled.

“Ah,” his mother said in understanding. “That’s so sweet,” his mother gushed. Then she added, “Shame though, I was hoping to get to meet her too...” His mother shrugged casually, but she wouldn’t meet his eyes, fiddling with the order pad in her hand. 

“Mom…” he started, glancing down at Madi again briefly before back up. 

“Oh stop. I’m your mother. I’m _allowed_ to wonder - ”

“Mom!”

His mom put her hands up in surrender. “Okay, okay. So, what’ll it be?”

“Well, I will have malted chocolate, and Madi will have... the pink one.”

“So, strawberry?” his mom asked and Madi dropped her head to clunk on the table.

“Definitely not the strawberry,” he chuckled.

His mother squinted her eyes, but bit her lip to keep from laughing. “Uh huh… well, Madi, do you know what your milkshakes taste like?” 

Madi lifted her head and pursed her lips in concentration. Bellamy shook his head. For only being three years old, she had such a big personality. “They’re little pink fruit that have pricklys on the bush. And Auntie puts… white something in it. That turns it pink.”

Aurora nodded knowingly. “Aha, I think I got it. One white chocolate raspberry - _pink_ milkshake. And one malted chocolate. Coming right up. You two enjoy your special time together.”

“Thank you!” Madi squealed. His mother started walking away, but stopped to put a hand on his shoulder. “She is adorable, Bell.”

“You think?”

His mother just laughed and walked away to put the order in. 

“Okay, you go over there, now,” Madi bossed him.

He pretended to be offended and put a hand on his chest. “You don’t want me sitting next to you?” he laughed

Madi rolled her eyes. “It’s not that, geez. But this side is for _kids_ , crazy.”

He got up and switched back to the other side of the booth. “Oh, _I’m_ the crazy one?”

“Yup,” she smiled at him, swinging her legs so much they kept hitting him in the knees. She looked down and started drawing on the table with her finger. “Special Bellamy Madi time…” she said to herself, reiterating what he’d said with a small smile. His heart swelled again. He loved that she might like spending time with him. 

“So how was school today, Mads?”

Madi giggled and put her hands over her mouth. “Good.”

Her laugh was infectious, making him laugh too. “What’s so funny?”

“Well, Ethan told Ms. Delilah that she was pretty.”

Bellamy chuckled. “He did, hmm?” 

Madi nodded, then giggled again. “And… then he told _me_ I was pretty.”

Bellamy felt his face go flush and really he had no right to be so protective of her - plus, she was _three_ , not thirteen, but still. He couldn’t help it. “He did, hmm? And what did you say?”

Madi’s expression twisted. “Nothing? Boys are gross.”

“Good girl,” Bellamy breathed to himself, sighing in relief. But she didn’t seem to hear him, which probably was for the best. He didn’t want to give her the wrong impression.

“Oh! And I got to paint today! Ms. Delilah put it in my backpack and everything. I can’t wait to show Auntie! She’s going to be so proud of me.”

He nodded. “She’s always proud of you kiddo. I am too,” he added.

His mother returned with the milkshakes, setting them down in front of each of them, spraying an extra dollop of whipped cream on both of them, leaving the bottle at the table. For a while, the two of them were completely entranced in their shakes, slurping loudly (Bellamy) or making a mess when she lifted the straw out of the glass (Madi).

He laughed and was helping her clean it up off the table with a few napkins when his phone went off. He pulled it out, and smiled when he saw it was Clarke. She was finished early and had decided to join them at the diner. 

His mother would get to meet her after all, it looked like. And when he got her attention so he could order Clarke her favorite - mint chocolate chip, he wasn’t surprised to see the not-so-subtle smirk that crept onto her lips. 

“More whipped cream?” he asked Madi, since most of hers had ended up on the table in the straw incident. She giggled and nodded. 

“Yay!”

He sprayed more on, but before he set it down, he told her to open her mouth, spraying a large blob of it in. She laughed so hard that it ended up spraying all over the table again and he found himself laughing loudly with her. 

“What’s going on here?” a voice that he’d know anywhere at this point asked amusedly. His smile was automatic, even though he’d already been smiling. It felt like his entire being lit up with her presence and he hadn’t even looked at her yet.

He was _so_ stupidly in love with her. 

“Auntie!” Madi shrieked. 

“Hey Mads, having fun?” she asked, kissing the top of Madi’s head and sitting down next to her. Well, she _tried_ to sit next to her, but Madi pushed her off.

“This is my side, Auntie. Kids only. Grown-ups on that side.”

Clarke looked at him confused, but he only shrugged. “Can’t believe you didn’t know that,” he teased, scooting over to make room for her. 

She was closer than he realized, their shoulders brushing up against each other everytime one of them shifted. But still, he didn’t scoot to give more room between them and it didn’t escape his notice that she didn’t either. 

Bellamy tried not to read into it too much though. 

He turned to face her while Madi went back to slurping happily at her shake. “So how’d it go?”

Clarke sighed. “It was… she's going through a lot. We’ll - can we talk about it later, though? I just want to enjoy being here - this moment.”

“Of course we can,” he insisted, knocking into her shoulder. “One happy memory coming right up,” he smiled at her. And as if on cue, his mother walked up, setting her shake down. 

“Is this - mint chocolate chip?” Clarke asked, a carefree smile replacing the strained one she’d had when she’d gotten there. 

Bellamy shrugged. “It’s your favorite ice cream, so I figured it was a good guess.”

“You did good, Blake,” she smirked.

“So you must be Clarke,” his mother said with a grin and Bellamy wrung his hands nervously. There was no reason to be nervous, but somehow his pulse wasn’t getting the message.

Clarke turned and smiled. “I’m going to guess you’re Mrs. Blake?” she clarified, looking at his mother, but leaning into his shoulder. “Bellamy has your smile.”

“This is Bell’s mom!” Madi said from across the table. “I like her. She made a yummy milkshake for me.”

“Oh yeah? Which kind did you get?”

“Pink.”

“Of course,” Clarke laughed. “You didn’t give her strawberry though, did you?” she smirked back at him. 

“I wouldn’t dare. I had to enlist Mom to help figure out what pink meant though.”

“Well, I commend you for interpreting her demands,” Clarke said, turning back to his mother. “I’m Clarke.”

“Please, call me Aurora,” she said, leaning over to give Clarke a hug and Bellamy a look that used her eyebrows more than her actual eyes. 

“It’s really great to meet you. Bellamy has told me almost nothing,” Clarke teased and Bellamy rolled his eyes.

“That’s my Bell. Always so private and secretive, you really should learn to open yourself up more, honey.”

Bellamy coughed into his milkshake. “Okay, you two. That’s enough. If I don’t stop you now, you’ll end up telling childhood stories and we just really don’t need to do that.”

“Oh! That reminds me - ”

“Mom!”

Aurora laughed. “Oh calm down, I’m just kidding, I wouldn't say anything that would embarrass you.” Madi giggled from across the table. “Although, even if he hasn’t said much about me, he has said _plenty_ about y- ”

“Please stop,” he pleaded, closing his eyes. That was until he felt Clarke’s hand in his and they shot back open. She was looking at him, kindness and mercy in her gaze. She turned back.

“Thank you for the milkshake, it was really wonderful to meet you.”

“Likewise. Don’t be a stranger, you hear? You and the little one are welcome anytime. Milkshakes on the house.”

With that, she left and Bellamy leaned over to Clarke. “Thank you,” he breathed, very aware of how close he was and their hands that were still connected.

“I know a thing or two about parents saying too much. Figured I owed you for the apt milkshake choice,” she told him, just as quiet. And when her eyes flicked to his from where they’d been watching Madi, he saw something in them. Something catching and magnetic, keeping him from moving or even breathing.

Until -

“Hey, Auntie, can I have another milkshake?” Madi began, shattering the moment they were just in and they both started laughing. 

“What do you mean _another_ one? You still have half of that one silly goose!” Clarke giggled, and the sound was magic. “And I haven’t even started mine!”

“Well stop looking at Bellamy and get going! I’m going to beat you!”

He choked a little at the statement, the obvious call out to whatever just happened a few moments ago and his hand squeezed tighter reflexively around hers. He should let go.

But he didn’t. 

In fact, they stayed like that for the next half hour, hands held under the table, laughing and making fun of each other and Madi as they sipped on their milkshakes and talked about their day. Neither of them made a move to change their position, but they were also careful not to make any lasting eye contact either, lest whatever unspoken thing was between them rose to the surface again. 

He saw his mother pointedly _not_ watching them, cleaning off the various tables, waiting on her other customers. She may own the place, but she never made her employees work harder than she did. But every once in a while, when Madi would say something funny or sassy or Clarke got a brain freeze from drinking too quickly or they made fun of Bellamy for slurping, he’d catch his mother’s smile. 

Yeah, this night was definitely one of his happy memories.

Then Madi asked, “Hey Mom, can we come back tomor - ” and both their lighthearted smiles froze in place as their heads whipped up to the little girl and became something much different. Madi’s expression morphed, looking like her entire world was burning down around her. Tears welled up in her eyes and she was shaking her head anxiously. 

“Madi, hey, it was - it’s okay. You’re alright, sweet girl,” Clarke mollified, finally letting go of his hand to reach across for Madi’s. But the tears and sadness that were evident in her eyes were gone now, a fire and stony wall up instead and she left Clarke’s hand empty on the table. 

“It’s NOT okay,” she practically shouted. “I want to go home,” she added, so quiet that he had to strain to hear her. Clarke looked at him, desperation and devastation evident where the light was barely a full second ago.

“Go, I’ll take care of all this,” he insisted and Clarke nodded, her entire being looking like she was scarcely holding it together. 

“Her seat…” she squeaked out. “I - I have to put her seat back - ” she panicked and Bellamy didn’t even think about it, just reached forward to grip her face with his hands, his thumb brushing an errant tear off her cheek. 

“It’s going to be okay, just breathe. And no, you don’t. Take my truck, I’ll take your car back when I’m finished here. Go ahead. She needs you.”

She opened her mouth, looked like she was going to say something else, but all she did was nod and stand, and he fished his keys out of his pocket to hand to her. She did the same and reached for Madi, who recoiled. 

It was going to be a rough night.

Madi stood up and walked ahead of Clarke, face focused on the tiles below her. He watched them go, wishing there was something, _anything_ , more he could do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Charlotte's home life deals with a parent with a drug addiction and loss because of it.
> 
> \--------------------------
> 
> END NOTES:
> 
> I had the idea for Charlotte a little bit ago, a way for Clarke to relate to Charlotte and help her through her loss.  
> And then of course happy fluffy Bellarke, with a little bit of meddling Aurora. 😉 And I know the slow burn is painful, but it won't be much longer, I promise. Fear is real thing for Clarke, fear of losing someone else she loves in any form. And she's afraid of what that loss would do to Madi too, since it's obvious she's become attached to Bellamy. She'll get there, obvs, but it's been a process. He realized his feelings first because he's more in a place to accept them and want them than Clarke is. 
> 
> And speaking of poor Madi. She's only three, so the fact that Clarke is acting as her mother now, I felt like it was inevitable that she'd slip up at some point and call Clarke Mom. But it's important part of them learning who they are to each other now and how to move forward after their loss. The next chapter deals with that slip up.
> 
> Anywho, that was a lot of notes, lol. Hope you all have a fantastic week!  
> If you want to come hang out or check out the moodboard for this fic or ask questions on tumblr (or here, that works too), it's [here](https://dayo488.tumblr.com/)


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all!
> 
> First, thank you so much for all the understanding and support on this fic. I really wanted to stick with a schedule, but it's not always working out that way. But you all have been so kind and seriously you are all the absolute best (I promise to get to all your AMAZING comments here soon too)!
> 
> ❤

The moment they home, Madi ran up to her room and slammed the door. Which was a big no-no, something that Clarke had made very clear over the past couple of months. Being three years old comes with a lot of tantrums and pushing boundaries, but after the first incident with the lock when they’d moved in, the two of them had a long conversation and slamming doors was one of the things that was not okay. 

However, considering the current circumstances, Clarke had much bigger things to work through with her. 

Clarke ran up after her, dumping her purse in the middle of the floor. “Madi!” she called. Madi gave her no response so Clarke tried again when she reached the closed door. “Come on, Madi, can - can we talk about this?” she pleaded, _begged_ her. She tried to maintain steadiness in her voice, a calm that would bring comfort to the little girl currently going through the gambit of emotions, even if Clarke’s own inner turmoil was anything _but_ steady.

In the back of her mind she knew this might come eventually, that Madi might slip up and call her _Mom_. It was something that the mandatory therapist after Clarke was officially granted custody had talked about; it was in all the books about raising a child that lost their parents. Especially a child as young as Madi, who’s memories of Wells and Glass would fade eventually. 

Wells had even said as much in his letter. 

But nothing - _nothing_ \- could have prepared her for what it felt like to hear that word come out of her mouth, expected or not. It was simultaneously thrilling and devastating all at the same time. But she couldn’t imagine the sorrow, the _heartbreak_ as what Madi was going through all over again. 

“Baby, it’s - it’s okay. It happens, you don’t have - I’m - ” she tried, frustrated that she wasn’t more poised than this. Frustrated that her words weren’t coming out the way she wanted and she couldn’t gather her thoughts together. She’d had all this time to prepare for this moment and she felt like she was failing. Madi deserved more than this from her. “Madi - ”

“I want my mom and dad! You’re not my mom!” Madi yelled through the door, wet and hoarse, clearly from crying.

“Madi, I’m coming in, okay?”

“NO!” she screamed and a giant thud followed, which Clarke assumed was Madi throwing her little body against the door. Clarke breathed deeply, trying to keep her composure, but she could feel it cracking.

“Honey, we’ll get through this together, okay? I want to give you your space, I do, but please can we talk?”

“I want my mom and dad. My real mom.”

“Me too,” Clarke agreed under her breath. “I want them too.”

“Can you - ” Madi started, but stopped to sniffle loudly. “Can you just stay right there?” 

“Yeah, yeah of course. Whenever you’re ready, sweet girl. I love you.”

“Love you too,” she heard Madi mumble back, then silence.

Her phone went off in her pocket. 

**_Bellamy:_ ** _I’m back. How’s it going?_

_**Clarke:** She won’t come out of her room and I don’t want to just barge in. I don’t know what to do, Bell._

_**Bellamy:** Anything I can do to help?_

Clarke leaned her head back against the wall. Yeah, there was.

She wanted him right next to her, holding her hand, wrapping an arm around her, reassuring her she wasn’t a complete fuck-up. She wanted his hand on her cheek, his smile against her temple. She wanted his warmth to counteract the panic and coldness and sorrow of the moment. She wanted his laugh in her ears. She wanted his lightness to brighten up her darkness. 

She wanted _him_.

**_Clarke:_ ** _No, thanks though_

Despite how she wished for him, this was something she had to do on her own.

\-----------------------------

“How long have you been out here?”

Raven’s voice sounded softly from above her and Clarke blinked heavily, confused. “Raven?”

“That’s me,” her friend said, sitting on the floor of the hallway with her, leaning against the opposite wall. 

“What’re you doing here?” Clarke asked, still confused.

“What do you think?” Raven asked softly. And yeah, Clarke realized she did already know the answer to that.

_Bellamy._

“Madi. I need to - ” Clarke started, scrambling to her feet, turning the knob on the door. She’d given Madi space and now she needed to get in there. The girl was three, not sixteen. The door resisted slightly, and sure enough, when Clarke wedged it open enough to poke her head in, Madi was soundly asleep in a little ball on the floor, the bunny Wells and Glass got for her on her birthday last year tightly in her grasp. Clarke scooped her up, tucking her little head into her neck as she moved them to the window bench. 

She vaguely registered Raven at the doorway, but she did hear what she said. “I’ll be downstairs if you need me.” Clarke nodded and turned her attention to the little girl.

“Madi,” Clarke whispered softly, waking her up. Part of her wanted to just tuck her in her bed and let her sleep, but if she woke up without Clarke there, she might spiral again and she didn’t want that to happen. 

Madi groggily stretched out. “Auntie Clarke?”

“Yeah, baby, I’m here.”

Madi started to smile, as she normally did. Unlike Clarke, it was rare for Madi to not be in a good mood when she woke up. She’d wake wearing a smile and be ready for the day. But this time, Madi’s smile faded quickly as the events of a few hours ago dawned on her. 

“You’re not my mommy,” she repeated from last night, but this time it wasn’t loud or angry or resentful; it was sad, resigned. 

“No, sweet girl. But I’m not - I’m right here. We’re together, okay? That’s what your mommy wanted.”

“But if I call you - is - would Mommy mad at me?”

Clarke chuckled wetly. “No, Madi. Your mommy is looking down at you and she is so proud of you. Promise. How could she not be? You’re funny, and loving, and enthusiastic.”

“What’s that mean?”

“Enthusiastic? That means you get excited, have lots of energy… your parents loved that about you.” Madi didn’t respond, just nodded into Clarke’s chest, where her ear was resting against Clarke’s heart. “I want you to hear something, hmm?” she started, trying to steel herself to get through this without crying herself. There’d be time for that later.

Clarke shifted so she was looking Madi in the eyes. “Your mommy and daddy will _always_ be your mommy and daddy. Forever. That won’t ever change. You can call me whatever it is _you_ feel comfortable with. You know how you call me Auntie but I’m not your mommy’s or your daddy’s real sister?”

Madi shrugged. She was still a little young to completely grasp the concept, but she’d asked once, a little bit before Wells’s and Glass’s deaths about who Clarke was to them and they’d tried to explain. But Madi had been only two at the time, so most of it went over her head. Clarke was sure that at some point she’d have this conversation probably a couple more times. 

“Okay, well, you call me Auntie because of the _love_ between me and your parents. But it’s just a label. And your parents understand that if, someday, you decide to call me Mom. But it’s entirely up to you, and it always will be. It doesn’t matter what you call me, or what I call you, it’s what in our hearts that counts. And you’re forever in my heart. Does that make sense?” Her words were jumbled and probably too confusing and she was probably rambling like she usually did when she was nervous, but Madi shouldn’t feel guilty. 

Madi nodded. “You in my heart too,” she said quietly. Then she sniffled and added, “It not fair.” 

Clarke sighed and tightened her hold a little bit. “No, it’s not fair. Death isn’t fair, or makes sense. But you are not alone. And you’ll never _be_ alone, okay?”

“What if you die?”

It was a question that a three year old should never have to ask, never even be on their radar. She hated that Madi was thinking about these things or worried about them. Clarke had thought passively about it as well, but unfortunately she didn’t have an answer. She knew she’d have to figure it out at some point. If there was anything she’d learned from this past year, it was that life tomorrow wasn’t always guaranteed.

“I’m here now, kiddo, okay? And we’ll figure this thing out together.”

Madi nodded again and yawned. “I’m sleepy, Auntie.”

Clarke chuckled and wiped at her cheeks messily. As much as she’d tried not to cry, a few tears had slipped past her defenses. This wasn’t the first or the last of these conversations as Madi grew older and milestones came or a fresh wave of grief hit. But she meant what she said - they were in it together, and they weren’t alone. For now, this hurdle has passed.

Now, she actually did tuck Madi into her bed, her bunny still clutched tightly to her chest and kissed her sweet little cheeks as she drifted off. 

Clarke stood and sighed, walking to the door and turning off the lights, leaving the door cracked as she padded down the hallway, yawning herself. 

When she reached the bottom floor, she saw Raven on the couch, the TV on low, some infomercial playing as her friend scrolled through her phone. Clarke glanced at the clock, seeing it was just after midnight. When Raven noticed her presence, she opened an arm and welcomed Clarke into her side, setting her phone down.

Clarke let herself be wrapped up, curling her legs up underneath her in a ball and finally let herself sob. She hated crying, would always hate crying, but the dam she’d been holding onto so tight for the whole night had cracked and she couldn’t stop it anymore. 

“Ssh, it’s going to be okay,” Raven soothed, repeating it over and over, holding onto Clarke tightly. 

After a few minutes, Clarke inhaled sharply and sat up. “I’m sor - ”

“If you try to apologize for grieving, or helping that amazing girl up there grieve, I’m going to give you something to cry about,” Raven insisted and Clarke might assume she was teasing if she wasn’t so unsure whether Raven was serious or not. 

“It’s after midnight and you’re here,” Clarke pointed out. “You were probably sleeping.”

“Nah, just hanging around the house, that’s all,” Raven waved off, giving Clarke a small smile. “Now, you want to tell me what happened? All I got was a text saying you could probably use a friend.”

Clarke huffed amusedly. “Uh huh, understatement. Madi - she accidentally called me Mom while we were at the diner and - there were some big emotions about it, expectedly.”

“Hmm,” Raven hummed thoughtfully. “I can assume the direction Madi’s feelings about it went, but… how do _you_ feel about it?”

Clarke inhaled deeply. “I don’t know. On one hand, it was - Rae am I awful if I said there were times that I _did_ feel a little like her mother?” she asked softly, so quietly that she wasn’t sure if she’d even said it out loud. 

“I’m not sure I’m even the right person to ask about that. I didn’t have a mother - not one that _should_ be called one anyway, and I’ve never had anyone to raise myself,” she told Clarke honestly. “But, for what it’s worth - I think, even if you’re not her birth mother, you’re her parent all the same, and I think it’s probably pretty normal to like hearing her call you that.”

“I think that makes you uniquely qualified to understand actually… thanks,” she smiled sadly at her friend. “But either way, it freaked her out.”

“I’m sure it did. She’s three. And she’s going to be confused for a while.”

Clarke slumped back into Raven. “So where’s Shaw tonight?” she asked, curious, but then Raven started getting fidgety which started to make Clarke suspicious.

“Don’t know,” she shrugged and Clarke narrowed her eyes.

“Right… you guys have a fight?” she asked carefully. Clarke could barely keep her eyes open, but she would stay awake all night if Raven needed to talk. 

“I… don’t want to talk about me right now.”

Clarke sighed. “You can though, you know.” It wasn’t just Clarke that needed people there for her, she wanted her friends to know she was there for them too.

“I know, Raven sighed too and threw her head back on the top of the couch. Then, despite what she just said, she continued. “I just - I like him, I do. We have a lot of - _chemistry_. But there’s nothing of real substance there. This is going to sound - _awful_ , okay? I know that. Because he’s the first guy that I’ve really had in my life that isn’t a jackass. And we have, you know, cars in common and such. And the sex is mind-blowing.”

“Got it. Chemistry. Still waiting for the awful part.”

Raven chuckled. “Right. Anyway, I’m just kind of indifferent about our romantic relationship? I like him, but I don’t think I like him… like _that_. I should, I know I should. There just isn’t that - _thing_. Ugh, none of this makes sense,” she scoffed, throwing an arm over her face.

The thing was, though. It did. It really, really _did_. And resonated with Clarke more than it should. 

She grabbed Raven’s hand and pulled her arm back down. “Well, you need to make a decision that’s right for you. If it isn’t right for you, chances are it isn’t for him either. And it isn’t fair to keep going when you’re not into it.” Clarke tried not to groan out loud with the realization that every single word she said to Raven could be applied to her own situation, like a knife poking holes in all her resolve. 

“I don't want to hurt him,” Raven sucked in a breath. “He’s been really good to me, made me feel… _wanted_. Like someone who _deserved_ to be wanted. No one like Shaw has ever picked me first, gone after me like that.”

“I’d pick you first,” she told her friend with a small smile. 

“Of course you would,” Raven scoffed. “I’m awesome.”

Clarke chuckled. “I’m just saying... if you don’t want to be with him, but stay anyway, don’t you think that might hurt him _more_?”

Clarke ignored the voice in her head that called her a hypocrite.

She tried to ignore it, anyway.

That voice was getting louder by the second. 

“You’re right. I just - I don’t know what I want to do,” she groaned, defeated. “I’ll tell you what I _do_ know I want though... that I don’t want to talk about it anymore,” Raven said determinedly. Clarke smirked. She’d only _really_ known Raven for a couple months, but she knew this wasn’t the easiest subject for her. That sometimes she needed space to process so she didn’t lash out or say something she’d regret. 

“I get it, it’s okay. _I’m_ okay too, now, I think. You don’t have to stay.” 

“What if _I_ need to stay?” Raven asked with a timid grin.

“Then at least let me change into something more comfortable,” Clarke laughed. She was still in her teacher clothes and _fuck_ it’d been a long day, emotionally and otherwise. She was infinitely grateful that the next day was Saturday and she wasn’t working. And after the night, the _day_ she’d had, it felt good to laugh. 

Despite all that had happened though, their time at the diner had been fun. The three of them in the booth, laughing and smiling and just _existing_ in the moment. A happy memory, just like she’d wanted. And Bellamy’s hand wrapped around hers had been warm and safe, clearing the fog and dreariness of the day. Had her encounter with Charlotte really just been hours ago?

After changing, she came back down the stairs to see Raven had popped in a movie. She tipped her head back towards Clarke. “Found a bottle of wine, but couldn’t find the opener.”

Clarke smiled and shook her head, looking towards the kitchen and indeed saw the unopened bottle and two of her stemless wine glasses sitting next to it. She walked over to the coffee maker to get that ready for the morning and grabbed the bottle opener in the drawer underneath. Just before she turned back towards the bottle though, something caught her eye and she looked through her window towards Bellamy’s house to see him at the sink doing dishes of all things. 

She waved a little, trying to catch his attention and sure enough she caught his eye. He turned off the water, slumping over his sink a little. She held up the wine opener and he smiled. His eyebrows raised in question and she nodded and mouthed _thank you_ towards him. She could barely make out his response, a word that looked like _always_. And she did truly believe that he’d always be there for her.

What was she doing? 

With Cillian, who was nice and on paper should be perfect for her, but he wasn’t the one she wanted.

With trying to force away the feelings she did have that clearly had no intention of going anywhere? 

When the man she did truly want was _right there_ and, despite having only known him for a couple of months, believed that he always would be. 

What the hell was she doing?

None of the reasons she had for not pursuing Bellamy were any different. Nothing had changed. But she couldn't pretend like they were temporary anymore or something she’d get over eventually. It was a risk, choosing Bellamy, but if anyone was worth taking it for, she knew it was Bellamy. She wasn’t really sure what exactly to do next, but the one thing she did know was that she wasn’t being fair to Cillian. 

“What’s taking so long?” Raven’s voice sounded from the living room and it caused Clarke to jump and Bellamy to laugh at her. She glanced back towards her friend waiting on her and back to Bellamy, waving goodbye.

***

He shouldn't bother them.

He should stay right where he was, and text her later. It had most likely been quite the rough night and Raven’s car was even still out front, at 6 am the next morning, when he backed Clarke’s car down the driveway because they hadn’t actually switched their cars back yet.

But.

But.

It wouldn’t be _awful_ if he checked in, would it?

So there he was, at 6 in the morning on a Saturday when the night before he’d tossed and turned most of the night, not falling asleep until at least 2 am and _should_ be sleeping in, and in line at the local donut shop. 

The donut shop that _always_ had stupid long lines on Saturday mornings so he avoided it like the plague.

Nonetheless, there he was, getting donuts for the woman he was in love with, praying that it’d make this day just a little bit easier on her, if things were still rough when everyone woke up the next morning. 

He really was quite pathetic. 

“Blake?” he heard Miller’s voice from behind him. 

“There’s no way that’s _him_ ,” he heard Jackson comment. It sounded like they were trying to whisper, but neither of them were subtle enough for that.

“No, I’m telling you, that’s him,” Miller insisted and Bellamy sighed. “Look at the messy hair, the jacket, the ass - ”

“Okay. Yes, it’s me,” Bellamy interjected finally, turning around. “And I’ll thank you to not talk about my… ass anymore.” Miller just shrugged and Bellamy rolled his eyes. “Hey guys,” he greeted, letting the few people between them advance up so he could go wait with them in line at their spot.

“Since when do you get up early on Saturdays to get donuts?” Miller asked, an eyebrow cocked suspiciously.

“What he means is - fancy seeing you here. Fun coincidence - stuff like that,” Jackson smiled at him. Miller just rolled his eyes.

“What? I like donuts,” Bellamy tried.

“Uh huh.”

“ _Anyway_ , what’re, uh you two doing here? Other than getting donuts,” he asked. 

Jackson laughed. “We do this every Saturday, as long as it’s not raining. Thankfully yesterday’s rain stayed in yesterday. We usually take them to the park, walk around, you know.”

“Jax usually has to sleep early afternoon for his night shift on Saturday nights, so this is the only time for it,” Miller explained. 

“That’s really sweet, you guys.”

“Sweet? Don’t say that too loud, you might ruin Nate’s street cred,” Jackson joked, a hand at his mouth as if to block Miller from hearing, but Miller just rolled his eyes. 

Bellamy chuckled at the two of them, but before he could retort or make fun of Miller along with Jackson, it was his turn to order. He loved how happy the two of them seemed, but if he was being at all honest with himself, he was a little jealous. 

Miller gave him a nudge that was a little too direct to be accidental when he saw how many donuts Bellamy ordered - clearly too many to just be for himself, but he remained silent on the matter, which Bellamy was grateful for. He’d had too many people call him out on his feelings already and he didn’t need to have the conversation all over again. 

Bellamy set the box down on the passenger seat and made his way back to his house. He noticed Raven’s car was gone, which probably meant the rest of the house was up. He walked up the porch to Clarke’s front door, listening to see if he could hear any moving around. He might be overstepping his bounds, she might be too tired, or still fighting with Madi or something of that variety, but at this point he figured he might as well follow through. 

There was only silence, so he knocked softly. 

He heard Clarke’s groan; she must be on the couch. “Who is it?”

Bellamy cleared his throat. “Donut delivery,” he announced.

About ten seconds passed and he was about to say it again, thinking he may have been talking too softly, but then he heard her again. “Well what are you still doing outside? Get your ass in here Bell.”

He turned the knob and walked in. Sure enough, she was huddled under the blanket on the couch, curled up in a ball. He couldn’t help but smile broader. Even first thing in the morning, grumpy and unkempt she was still the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. 

Bellamy set the box down on the counter and made his way over to her, crouching down to her level. He chuckled slightly at the groans emanating from her throat and brushed back the hair that had fallen in her face. 

“Good morning sunshine.”

Clarke pulled the blanket up over her face and groaned again. “You said donuts? Did coffee happen to come with those?”

He rolled his eyes. “But how are you going to either drink or eat if you’re buried under the blanket?”

“Cold,” was her only response. “Little hungover.” His eye caught on the empty bottle of wine behind the couch in the kitchen.

Bellamy put his hand over his mouth to stop from laughing too loudly; it was clear Madi was still sleeping and he didn’t want to wake her up. Clarke, however, was not quite as amused as he was and blindly reached out of the blanket to grab a pillow to throw at him. He dodged it easily and stood. He reached down and lifted her head up just enough to sit down, putting the pillow on his lap so she could rest her head on it. 

He stretched his arm back across the couch so he wouldn’t do something stupid with it like resting it on her hip or waist or something. He was already playing with fire by sitting on the couch like this with her. But he couldn’t help it - drawn to her like a magnet at all times. 

“I see you and Raven had a good time. Or was it because of what happened with Madi?” he asked hesitantly. He didn’t know what happened after the diner the night before and didn’t want to presume that she was ready to talk about it. He wouldn’t push it, but he wanted her to know he was there. Which was basically what his mother’s advice was to him when she’d asked what happened after watching Madi and Clarke leave the way they did. 

His mother had always been kind and understanding - knew that Bellamy ended up being as close to O as a parent without being her _actual_ parent, because of their mother’s absence. It wasn’t a perfect apples to apples situation to Madi and Clarke, but it was enough for her to be able to get an idea what they were going through. 

They’d had their fair share of issues with O over it, when Bellamy and Aurora would clash over something and who had the authority to make the final decision regarding whatever the situation was. Aurora, understandably, had a hard time accepting that Octavia regarded Bellamy as more of an authority figure over her than her own mother. Bellamy had a hard time accepting it as well, since he’d been a kid himself and figuring out what his role in his sister’s life was supposed to be. 

Sometime around O’s senior year, they’d all finally gone to talk to someone and worked through many of their problems. And as much as he hated it at first, Octavia getting out of Arkadia when she went to college and him going to Thailand to start up a primary school was good for all of them. It gave them the chance to get some space and grow into who they were as individuals. 

Clarke and Madi had to figure out who they were to each other now as well. It would be a long road, but he didn’t doubt for a second that they would work through it together and come out stronger. 

“Little bit of both?” Clarke responded, finally poking her head out of the blanket and looking up at him. He tried to keep his breath and heart steady when she did, since he was worried that if he let his heart run away with its pounding like it usually did, she’d hear it with how close she was to it. “I think… I think Madi and I are okay? I mean she hasn’t woken up yet, so maybe I shouldn’t assume, but we had a good talk. I - I just don’t know how to do this. I’ve read every book and article on this that I could’ve and I still felt stupidly unprepared for that.”

Bellamy only hummed in response. There wasn’t much to say that she didn’t already know. 

“I know that this isn’t going to be the only time this happens too. I’m just - this is stupid, okay?”

He narrowed his eyes at her. “I doubt it.”

“I miss them a ridiculous amount. But I’m also - ugh I’m also really mad at them, Wells, and Glass,” she sighed, voice shaky like she’d just let go of an enormous secret. He scrunched his eyebrows in confusion. “Not for giving me Madi, I’d never be mad at that. But I’m mad that they’re gone. I’m mad that they don’t get to be here for her. That she doesn’t get to have them for all the things they’re gonna miss.” She shook her head. “I know it wasn’t their fault that they… but, they should be here.”

“I know I don’t exactly understand, but I was mad at my mom for a long time. And she wasn’t even.... She was just… gone. Before the diner was hers and she had more freedom to spend with us. But that wasn’t for a while, most of O’s childhood and basically all of mine. And O didn’t know who to defer to as a parent, or who to listen to. It was confusing. And our mom missed a lot,” he told her. “And I spent a lot of that time mad at her for it. Did you know I took Octavia to a father-daughter dance her elementary school put on? I was a freshman in high school,” Bellamy told her, remembering it like it was yesterday. She’d worn a dress their mother had made for her the year before, so it was a little small, but it fit okay with minor alterations. Octavia had been so excited that she was going to be able to go.

“What every freshman guy wants to do,” Clarke smiled. 

He shrugged. “It wasn’t that bad. I was used to it all by then. I never wanted her to miss out because she didn’t have a dad or a full-time mom.”

“You haven’t talked a lot about that time of your life,” she observed. And she wasn't wrong. Since they’d met he’d made implications, enough for her to get the general idea without giving details. This was the most he’d told her this whole time. It was a wall that he’d had up for as long as he could remember. He wouldn’t even talk about it often with the people who were there for most of it - Murphy, Raven, even Miller. It just wasn’t something he cared to share. 

But Clarke? 

She was different. 

He didn’t want to have any walls with her. 

“Yeah, it’s just something that I figured most people wouldn’t understand and it’s - it makes me anxious a little, to talk about it.”

“So why are you telling me now?” she asked, and he could tell she was genuinely curious and not just trying to pry. Not like he’d minded if she did. She was sitting up now, her blonde waves tousled and her shirt slipping off her shoulder. 

“I’m not anxious with you,” he told her simply, honestly. “Not about that, anyway,” he said, a lot more quietly. It was the most honest he’d allowed himself to be, his subconscious seemingly having sensed… _something_ that was different.

She looked long and hard at him, before collapsing into his side, his arm from the back of the couch moving automatically to wrap around her. To pull her in. 

Because she was magnetic and he couldn’t stop himself from being pulled in. 

“I’m not anxious with you either.”

His heart started pounding then, with her head right on that spot on his chest and while part of him was nervous if she’d be able to tell, a larger part didn’t really care anymore. It was tiring to keep resisting and stepping back. Tiring to resist her or his feelings for her. 

And it was probably just his imagination, but with her pressed so closely to his side, he thought he might’ve felt her heart pounding too.

\-----------------------------

“I’m hungry.”

The little voice that he’d never get of hearing roused him to consciousness, and it was only then that he realized that he and Clarke had fallen back to sleep after their conversation. A quick glance down revealed Clarke still tucked into his side, her blanket hiked up passed her shoulders. 

He looked at the source of the voice. “Hey Mads,” he greeted with a tired smile. The little girl’s hair was as unkempt as Clarke’s was and she was clutching the stuffed bunny he knew she loved so much. Then he realized how weird it might be for her to wake up and see him with Clarke on the couch, and he started getting a little nervous. 

He swallowed heavily as she repeated what she’d said before. “I’m hungry.”

“Okay, let’s get you something to eat, hmm? I brought donuts,” he offered with a grin and her eyes went wider. 

“You did?!”

“Yep, and if you act fast, you can pick the first one out before Auntie Clarke wakes up,” he told her mischievously. 

Madi was smiling broader now and she started bouncing. “What do I have to do?” she asked, not even mentioning the fact that he was there on their couch in the early hours of the morning. He began to relax a little.

“Go potty and I’ll come help you brush your teeth - ”

“I can do it by myself!” she stubbornly insisted.

“Okay how about you start and I’ll finish?”

Madi considered him a moment before nodding and running off. He chuckled to himself and looked back down at the woman at his side, still sleeping soundly. He carefully maneuvered her so he could slip out, his hand cradling the side of her head so he could set it down gently on the pillow. She grunted a little and shifted, burrowing her face into the pillow when he pulled his hand away. His fingertips grazed the portion of her cheek still exposed and before he could think better of it, he leaned over to kiss her cheek gently.

It was cold, having been the one that wasn’t resting on his chest for the last hour, and the corner of her lip twitched up slightly when his lips connected with her skin, and he heard her breathe deeply. 

Once he was done with getting Madi’s teeth brushed, the two of them sat at the table, the box of donuts open in front of them. Predictably, she chose the pink one (the whole reason he’d picked it) and he fished out the apple fritter, taking a bite and heading to the pantry. He was just finishing getting Madi’s hot chocolate mixed when Clarke started stirring again. 

“Bellamy! I think she’s waking up!” Madi exclaimed.

Bellamy smirked and shook his head, setting Madi’s mug down in front of her and went back to pour a cup of coffee for himself and Clarke. He took a quick sip of his and wandered over to the living room. 

“Hey Princess,” he greeted, handing her the mug. 

She squinted up at him as she accepted the cup. “What is going on?”

“I found you and Bellamy on the couch sleeping together.”

Clarke spewed part of her sip of coffee all over the carpet in front of her, coughing and choking on the other part. Bellamy burst out in laughter, and Madi giggled from the table. 

“You okay?” he asked, completely amused at her reaction. Her cheeks were tinged a nice shade of pink, and he was sure his weren’t any different. If he didn’t find it so funny, he’d probably have done the same thing at Madi’s insinuation. 

“Uh huh, we just - uh - ”

“ - fell asleep on the couch while we were talking,” he finished for her, exchanging her mug for a towel from the kitchen.

“Right. Of course,” she mumbled, patting her face, clothes and carpet down.

“Good to know how you view sleeping with me though,” he teased, not being able to resist turning her cheeks even more red. He didn’t know where the bravado came from, and if he thought about it too deeply, he’d just blame the sleep deprivation from his lack of sleep the night before. 

She stood up quickly and started shaking her head furiously. “No! No, that’s - that’s not what I meant. Fuc - Sh - _Ugh_ my head,” she finished, her hand going up to her forehead and sitting back down. 

“Tylenol?”

“Yes, please,” she nodded, sounding miserable. He saw her blindly reach for her mug and take a sip, eyes closed. 

“Auntie Clarke, what’s wrong?” Madi asked, walking over to her. And it was like night and day in her response. She smiled wide and scrunched her nose and wrapped an arm around the little girl, pulling her in tight. 

He waited in the kitchen, wanting them to have their space and a moment. He remembered Clarke telling him that they were okay, she thought, but he wanted to be respectful of them anyway.

“I just have a headache, that’s all sweet girl. But it’s already feeling better with this hug!” she emphasized.

Madi pulled back slightly. “Well if a hug helps, I bet a kiss will too!”

Clarke gasped. “You know, I think it just might!” Madi smiled and reached up on her tiptoes to kiss Clarke’s temple. “See? _So_ much better. Thank you Madi girl.”

Madi smiled sheepishly and wandered back to the table. “Bell brought donuts Auntie!”

Clarke looked up at him as he returned to her, tylenol in hand. “That’s the word on the street,” she smirked.

He handed her the two white pills. “Just in the case the hugs and kisses don’t last long enough,” he winked at her and she mouthed a relieved _thank you_ back to him.

Soon enough, Clarke disappeared upstairs to change out of her coffee-speckled clothes and returned downstairs to snatch the maple bar out of the box, sitting down next to them at the table. They finished eating, and he tried to excuse himself, to leave them to their day, but Clarke stopped him with a hand on his arm and told him he was welcome to stay and watch movies with them. 

And before he knew it, two movies that took twice as long to watch as they should’ve because they kept pausing them for one thing or another, a book Madi picked out that she insisted he read to her, lunch, a naptime that he commanded both girls take, a trip to Murphy’s to pick up pizza, and _another_ book later, it was bedtime. 

Clarke wandered down and collapsed on the couch next to him where he’d put a documentary on low while she put Madi to sleep. 

“How is it I took a nap and am still completely exhausted, while you sit there wide eyed and bushy tailed?”

He snorted. “I wouldn’t say my eyes are _that_ wide,” he remarked.

“Ha ha. Thank you for that, by the way. Forcing me to take a nap earlier - I think I really needed it.”

He just nodded and handed over the remote. “It was a good day.”

He could practically feel her sigh and her body relax, it causing her to somehow drift even further into the couch cushions as she faced him. “Yeah, it was. Thank - ”

“I swear, if you say thank you again…” he shook his head, facing her. “You don’t have to all the time, you know. I’m not doing you a _favor_ by being here. I enjoy - I _want_ to spend time here, with you two.” He averted her gaze, keenly aware of how honest that was again, yet somehow it still was hardly honest enough.

“Bell, I - ” she bit her lip, looking down at her fidgeting fingers.

“Clarke, it’s okay,” he told her.

“No, Bell. I like you being here too, okay?” she clarified, then dropping her voice so quiet he almost didn’t hear her, she added, “Probably more than I should.”

His head snapped up to hers, but she was still not looking at him. “Clarke,” he breathed. 

It seemed like he wasn’t the only one walking the ledge of being too honest.

The thought threatened to stop his heart. That she might have some sort of feelings even in the same realm of his for her.

But her nervous energy, her shoulders tight and tense, her lip that was probably going to start bleeding if she kept chewing on it like that, the way she wouldn’t meet his eyes - if she did have feelings for him, she wasn’t ready or wanting to confront them yet. And he was never going to push her. Not with Madi involved. Not with the enormity of what he knew this could, _would_ , be. 

“So... you and Madi made my mom’s night last night,” he told her, switching subjects. “I’ve been telling her about this sassy little girl that has opinions bigger than she is and she’s been hoping I’d bring her in.”

He saw as Clarke physically relaxed, could practically feel the tension ebbing from her. She looked up and smiled at him, that brilliant smile that when he saw it the first time he should’ve known it would be his undoing. 

“I loved meeting her too. And Madi was already asking when we can go back to see ‘Sleeping Beauty at the place with the milkshakes’,” she laughed. 

“Yeah she gets that a lot from the kids.”

“I bet she does. Who doesn’t want to be compared to a princess?” Clarke joked.

“And here all this time I thought you hated your nickname,” he teased.

“Oh I do,” she told him, all mocked seriousness now. 

“Right,” he rolled his eyes. “Well, then I’ll have to use it even more, I guess.”

“Jerk.”

“So is that better or worse than a ‘self-righteous arrogant asshole’?” he asked, referring to her initial description of him when they’d met. By the amused look on her face, she remembered too.

Clarke pretended to consider him a moment, scrunching up one side of her face. “Octavia asked that the other day too," she told him. "I _guess_ it’s better. Only moderately though.”

He snorted out a laugh. “Well I guess that’s a step in the right direction.” She rolled her eyes and grabbed a blanket off the back of the couch. “So, you didn’t get a chance to tell me what happened with Charlotte yesterday.”

A dark look crossed her face. “Yeah, she was way out of line towards me and another classmate during class so I gave her detention.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be. It just kind of comes with the territory. But while she was in detention, I think I actually started chipping away at what her homelife is like.”

“Yeah. I don’t have many details, but it doesn’t sound like it’s exactly happy.”

“Yeah,” she sighed. “Did you know her dad overdosed and passed away during Christmas?”

Bellamy’s heart stuttered. “No,” he breathed. “I didn’t know that. I didn’t even know her dad was into drugs. Shit,” he let out before realizing, glancing quickly at Madi. “I wish, fuck, I should’ve said something. Maybe - ”

“No. Don’t do that.” Clarke told him firmly. “It isn’t your fault. Her mother was - is - in denial it sounds like and she’s blaming herself enough. It isn’t on you, Bell. And I’m going to try to see if Charlotte will meet with the guidance counselor. It might not be much, but it’s a step.” She put her hand on his arm, and he looked at her. Even though the things she said made sense, he still couldn't help but feel if he’d done more, or inquired more into her life…

He just nodded at Clarke, still lost in his thoughts. They talked a little while longer, about how to keep an eye on how she was doing, so she didn’t get too lost, and other random school stuff. 

It was easy, talking to Clarke like this. So easy, that it almost felt weird when it was finally time for him to go. Because he’d meant what he told her earlier. He wanted to be here. This house was full of laughter and loud voices and life and he was realizing just how lonely he’d been before they came into his life. He hoped he’d never be lonely like that again. 

He’d been drifting. And sure, he loved his life - Octavia, Murphy, Miller, Raven and everyone else, his teaching, his mother. It wasn’t like his life was _empty_ or anything. He’d been happy. But then Clarke and Madi moved in and it was like a hole he didn’t know he had started to be filled and he felt inexplicably _whole_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! I told you all it wouldn't be too much longer! 
> 
> Next chapter is a DOOZEY and I can't wait to share it with you all. I am currently finishing up Chapter 12, and hopefully will have 13 done before I post 11, because I like to stay a couple chapters ahead, but if I need to slow down, I'll make sure to let you all know. 
> 
> THANK YOU A MILLION TIMES!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, everyone. Here's the thing.
> 
> When I opened this chapter in my docs to start the editing process, this was over 9k words. That's a little long for me, plus when I edit, I tend to add a lot, so it'd be closer to 10k by the time I would be through. So, I went ahead and split it into two smaller chapters instead. 
> 
> But, because they are a little shorter, you'll get the next one early, probably Tuesday or Wednesday! Woohoo!
> 
> Also, thank you all for all the love and support! Gonna get those comments responded to tomorrow, hopefully! Thanks for your patience.
> 
> Enjoy ❤

Clarke knew what she had to do. It wasn’t a difficult conclusion to come to - if she was honest with herself, it was a decision that her heart had come to a while ago. 

Despite her best efforts to keep it from happening, somewhere along the way she’d fallen in love with Bellamy Blake. The boy next door if she cared for cliches. Either way, it was what it was and however hard she’d tried to keep it from happening, it was inevitable that she was going to end up here. And once she’d let herself realize that, she found that this was one thing she was unsuccessful at that she didn’t mind failing.

Which meant she had to make the decision to break up with Cillian. Not that they were a couple, officially, or even exclusive. Really, they’d only been on a few dates and while he was a nice guy who she was sure would make someone very happy someday, that someone was not her. She never felt like she could be herself around him - like he was always more interested in dating a _Griffin_ , than he was _Clarke_. 

And then again, he wasn’t the one her heart wanted. 

She hated feeling like this whole time she’d strung him along though - that really had not been her intention. Part of her really thought that with enough distance and focus, her feelings for Bellamy would subside and fade away, leaving only their friendship. 

There was about as much of a chance of that happening at this point as there was of her living on a different planet. 

That was to say - no chance. 

And she dared hope that he might feel something similar. There were a countless number of times lately that he’d opened his mouth to say something, or he’d start a sentence but not finish it. He’d say something instead that didn’t fit with what it looked like he wanted to say, and she could practically feel him struggling with something. And the way he looked at her, his eyes always seemed to be focused only on her, like he was trying to say something without words. It could be nothing, but - 

It could also be _everything_.

And it still scared her to no end. Anything they got into would be - intense. She’d never felt like this before and she knew it was different than Finn, than Lexa, than Cillian. It was lasting, and not going away. It was big, important. And exciting. 

Yeah, she was excited too. 

But first, Cillian. 

So when she woke up a couple weeks into March, the first weekend after deciding that she had to end things with Cillian, a bright Saturday morning with the sun shining outside signalling spring had officially sprung after weeks of back and forth, winter trying to hang in there still, and the season of hope and of light and warmth had finally arrived. It was her first available time since the school week had been incredibly busy. 

Clarke rolled over in her bed, letting herself wake slowly. She was surprised Madi wasn’t already awake; at this point, she wouldn’t be surprised to see Madi downstairs with Bellamy. He woke up far earlier than she did she’d found, and would pop over random mornings with the spare key Clarke had given him, waiting patiently with Madi until Clarke finally dragged herself downstairs. He always greeted her with that smile of his that made shivers run up her spine and the way her heart soared every time he was just _there_ with them was unmatched. 

She pulled out her phone and sent off a quick text to Cillian to come over the next day for a late lunch, then another one to Harper to see if she and Monty wouldn’t mind having Madi over for that afternoon so she could talk to him alone. Madi had been begging to go ride one of the horses and Harper had emphatically said she would love to start teaching her. 

Harper's response came immediately and included far more than was necessary heart and horse emojis and exclamation marks, she and Monty excited at the prospect of getting to hang out with Madi. Clarke laughed to herself when the messages came in as she got ready. 

Cillian’s came next, with something cryptic about something he was excited to share with her. Clarke’s stomach started twisting and the weight and the guilt of what she was going to do weighed on her. She hoped he wouldn’t be too disappointed and that it would go well. But she was the one doing it to him and if he was upset - well, she’d take it. She should’ve gotten her head out of her ass way earlier. 

Madi actually _was_ still sleeping, and Clarke walked quietly into her room, glancing at the giant mural that she’d done when they’d got there. A lot had happened since, but the painting represented the hope they both had at moving forward with their lives, starting anew in a way that would make Wells and Glass proud. It was one of her favorite murals she’d ever done, and the small handprints in the corner where she and Madi had made their mark always made her smile. 

Clarke wondered what Wells would think of Bellamy, what kind of advice he would give her. He was always the best at doling out advice, even if she didn't want it. She chuckled a little to herself at the memory of all the times that she'd gotten mad at him for expressing an opinion that she didn't like, then taking his advice anyway.

She knelt next to the little girl, all sprawled out and tangled up in her sheets and chuckled a little as she brushed the dark hair off her face. 

She kissed the girl’s cheek. “Hey, sleepyhead. Time to wake up, baby. You’re going to sleep all the sunshine away,” she whispered.

Madi groaned and stirred, opening one eye to squint at Clarke. “Sunshine?”

“Yep. Lots of sunshine.”

Madi grinned and started wiggling, instantly awake. “Oh my goodness, I love sunshine!”

“Me too! Maybe we’ll go to the park today, how’s that sound?”

Madi giggled excitedly and darted out of the room. “I’ll meet you downstairs! Don’t forget to brush ALL of your teeth kiddo!” she called after the girl.

“Oh my goodness, I _know_ Auntie!”

“Oh she _knows_ does she?” Clarke mumbled to herself, chuckling. “Then why do I always end up having to rebrush them?” She shook her head and made her way downstairs, popping a few waffles in the toaster oven and pouring herself a cup of coffee. 

Madi bounded down the stairs and flew to the table. “We go now?”

Clarke smiled at her. “As soon as you’re done eating,” she told her, setting the plate down. 

Madi shoveled in a big mouthful. She tried to ask Clarke something but her mouth was too full and she ended up spitting waffle bits everywhere. 

“You want to try that again with an empty mouth? Don’t talk with your mouth full, silly,” she told her, wiping up the spewed breakfast. It was probably something she’d end up telling Madi again before long - the little girl seemed to have the memory of a goldfish when it came to manners sometimes. 

“I _said_ ,” Madi started emphatically. “Can Bellamy come with us?”

“Uh, I can ask.”

“Okay.”

Clarke bit her lip. It was something she wanted to broach with the girl before talking to Bellamy, whenever she ended up actually finding the courage to do so. She didn’t want to be too specific, but all the reasons Clarke had for pushing those feelings away this whole time were still there. If she was going to be honest with Bellamy, tell him how she felt, she had to know how Madi felt too. 

“You like having him around, hmm?” she asked, though as soon as it left her mouth, she knew it was a ridiculous question. Of course Madi was going to say -

“Duh.”

Clarke sighed. She didn’t know what else to say that wouldn’t be too misleading - especially if she was completely wrong and Bellamy didn’t have the same feelings she did.

“Me too,” Clarke agreed, the young girl completely unaware of just how much. 

She sent a quick text to Bellamy asking if he wanted to go. He sent over a quick response, regretful that he’d already told Miller he’d help him move his new couch into his place. 

“Sorry, Mads, it’s just us today.”

“That’s okay,” the girl shrugged. “I like that too.” 

“Oh that’s good,” Clarke laughed, tweaking Madi’s nose and when they finished breakfast, she raced Madi upstairs to get ready for an afternoon at the park. They could skip nap today.

It was busy that day, as most Saturdays were at this time of year. She’d taken Madi a few times over the past couple months, but it was always so cold and they couldn’t stay as long as they wanted. But today there was no rush, no where to get to that couldn’t wait. Clarke always had a list of things to do and places to go a mile long, but none of that was more important than taking her kid to the park. 

_Her kid_. Ever since Madi had accidentally called her Mom, the phrase had been stuck in her mind. She was slowly accepting that while she would never replace Glass (not that she'd want to), Madi was now _her kid_ and it was okay to think of her that way. Wells and Glass would want her to. They wouldn’t want the two of them to stay in the inbetween. It was okay to move forward. But she’d meant what she said to Madi - that there was no pressure and that she could call Clarke whatever she was comfortable with.

Soon the two were chasing each other around, leaving their coats and water bottles and fruit snacks on a nearby bench to run through the trees. Eventually she collapsed in the grass, mentally wondering if she was going to have to start working out in order to keep up with this girl. Madi bounded around the jungle gym like she had endless amounts of energy and it was all Clarke could do to drag herself back to the bench for a drink of water. 

“Auntie Clarke! Look at me!” Madi shouted, and Clarke turned towards her to see the girl going down the slide backwards and landing in the bark chips with a soft _thump_. “I’m okay!” Madi jumped back up and ran for the playground stairs to do it all over again. 

Clarke chuckled and sat down heavily next to their stuff, reaching over for the bottle of water. But instead her hand landed on something softer, silkier, and she glanced sideways to see what it was.

A rose. 

With a note.

Another one identical to the one that was in her classroom a couple weeks ago.

Clarke picked it up delicately and stared at it a moment before instinctively looking around, but she hadn’t seen anyone out of the ordinary and the only person she’d told that they would be here was Bellamy. Her expression furrowed, trying to figure out if maybe Cillian had wandered by and seen them maybe? Or _was_ it Bellamy that left them?

It _could_ be Bellamy, she supposed. He had brought her and Madi a rose before the Valentine’s dance. This though, it felt more than a little weird and just in general, _off_ , but she couldn’t put her finger on the why. It just didn’t seem like something Bellamy would do, leave random roses for her to find, with a note saying _Thinking of You_. Like the last time this happened, she brushed it off - it was too forward. And as far as he knew, she was still with Cillian, with no plans of calling it quits. No, it couldn’t be Bellamy. It had to be Cillian. He was the only one that made sense. 

That sense of deja vu struck her again, just like the last time, and also just like the last time, whatever memory the rose tugged at ran a shiver down her spine - and not in a good, exciting way. In a cold, anxiety-ridden kind of way.

“Auntie!!”

Clarke’s head snapped up and she forced a smile on her face at Madi’s rock climbing skills as she scaled the small wall up to the elevated playhouse. The girl was part monkey, for sure. 

The rest of the afternoon went well enough and by the time they got home, they were both starving for dinner. After the running and swinging and climbing she’d done with Madi though, all Clarke had energy for was to reheat leftovers. She should’ve just stopped at Murphy’s for pizza. 

And like he’d read her mind, the door opened shortly after Clarke had popped the first dish in the microwave, revealing Bellamy and a pizza.

“Bellamy!” Madi screeched, running straight for him. 

“Hey Mads, how’s my favorite girl?” 

Madi’s eyes went wide. “ _I’m_ your favorite?”

“Yep.”

“What about Otavia?”

“Well I guess she’s up there too,” he smirked, booping Madi in the nose. Clarke leaned over the counter on her forearms, not bothering to start the microwave. That pizza smelled far too good. 

Madi giggled. “And what about Auntie? Is she ‘up there’ too?” she asked, turning to face Clarke, who’s face felt like it was on fire all of a sudden. 

He stood and walked over to Clarke, setting the pizza down on the counter and leaning down on it, mimicking Clarke’s own posture, and suddenly the room felt very small.

His voice didn’t even waver when he responded, looking her right in the eye, though she could see his own cheeks were a little pinker than usual. “Yeah, right at the very top.”

Clarke felt like she’d stopped breathing. He couldn't say things like that. Or she’d do something stupid. 

Like kiss him.

Or tell him she loved him. 

Neither of which she could realistically do since she needed to talk to Cillian first. But when he looked at her like that, stole the breath from her lungs and set her heart pounding so hard she was sure he could hear it even from across the counter, she was having trouble reminding herself of that. 

“Did someone say favorites?” Miller announced, walking through the door too, with another pizza in hand if Clarke’s nose wasn’t betraying her. 

“I brought Miller too,” Bellamy told her, nodding back towards their friend, but still holding her gaze, still looking at her like she was the only one in the room or some other sappy shit. A smirk appeared on his lips. There was no way she was misreading this; there couldn't be. It was all there. She wondered briefly how long he’d been looking at her like that and she’d completely missed it. Or ignored it.

She wasn’t sure which was the bigger injustice. 

“Hope that’s okay?” he asked. 

Clarke blinked and shook her head out, standing up straighter. “Uh, of course it is.”

“So like I _know_ Madi is all our favorites, but like, I’m there too, right man?” Miller asked, coming up to bump Bellamy. “Hey, Clarke.”

“Hey Miller. How’s the new couch?” she asked, turning around, partially to grab some paper plates out of the cabinet, but mostly to collect herself and try to control the fire that had sparked low. She reached up to the top shelf, cursing herself for making the idiotic decision a week ago to only use her ceramic ones. She’d seen something about how only college kids use paper plates on TV and had a moment where she’d been convinced that the stupid talk show was right and since she was an adult, she should use regular plates.

It was stupid and she’d realized the next morning how ridiculous that was, but hadn’t bothered getting the stool out to put them back yet. If she hadn’t made that decision, maybe she wouldn’t be in the position she was in now, her fingertips barely touching the edge of the plates, even on her tiptoes.

“Here,” a voice said, low and _much_ closer than she remembered him ever being. Did he always stand that close? Had she seriously been _this_ oblivious this entire time? 

His chest brushed her back and that pool of fire grew and started moving even lower, refusing to be controlled. He grabbed the pile easily off the top shelf and set them down in front of her. “Told you using paper plates had their moments.”

She chuckled, a little out of breath, and turned around, plates clutched in her arms between the two of them. “Yes, yes, you were right,” she muttered, trying her hardest not to focus on the fact that they were so close she could count each freckle. “Is that what you want to hear?” she asked sarcastically, amazed she had a voice at all. 

He reached up and tucked a stray curl behind her ear, his fingers grazing lightly on her cheek (or maybe that was her imagination) and grinned wide. “Good enough.” 

The man even had a freckle _in_ his fucking dimple. 

He stepped to the side and she went around him to put the plates on the island next to the pizza. Clarke looked up at Miller, who looked frozen with a strange expression on his face. “What?” she demanded, probably a little too harshly, since she could probably guess what had turned him into a statue, clearly having watched her and Bellamy’s exchange. 

“Huh?”

“You look like you just saw a ghost or something, Miller.”

“What? Me?” he asked, sputtering a little. “No ghosts. Nope. And uh, the couch is good. Comfy. Thanks for uh - just, uh - ” he swallowed. “Madi! I got you something, girl! You wanna see?” he asked loudly, turning his attention to Madi, who was sitting at the table, coloring. At the mention of a present, she nodded excitedly, rushing to Miller’s side, who plopped her up on the island. “Okay, where did I put that thing?”

“Door,” Bellamy told him from next to her. Clarke busied herself with getting plates put together and beers for the adults and a juice box for Madi out of the fridge as Miller grabbed the bag and brought it back to Madi. 

“Okay, Mads, I had to kind of guess your size because I don’t really know many kids besides you, but… tada!” he announced with a flourish as he held up a NY Giants toddler shirt. Clarke let out a bark of laughter and Bellamy snickered along with her. “What’s so funny?” Miller asked as Madi snatched it out of his hands and started holding it up to her.

“Nothing! Oh, I’m sorry,” Clarke shook her head. “That was so sweet of you, really. Thank you,” she said, walking over to him to pull him into a hug. He still had a suspicious expression on, but let her hug him anyway. “Was it on sale because they lost?” she asked with a wink because she just couldn’t help herself. 

Miller dramatically rolled his eyes and shoved at her a little bit. “ _No_ ,” he protested. “It was on sale because it’s the off season.”

She smiled wide. “Right. Of course.”

“Shut up.”

She smiled and went over to Madi to help her with it, pulling it down over her head over the shirt she was already wearing. It was a little big, but should fit well by the time football season began. 

“Oh my goodness I love it! Thank you!” Madi exclaimed, giving Miller a high five and fist bump.

“You’re very welcome. And even though you made fun of me,” he told Clarke, giving her a mock serious look, “I got one for you too,” he admitted, handing Clarke one in her size. “No comments on the size, I did my best and you can take it back and exchange it if you need to. Just - only Giants, okay?” he begged and she smiled wide, the thoughtfulness of his gesture touching her. 

“You got it,” she promised. “Giants only from now on.” 

“Alright, well, this pizza isn’t going to eat itself so let’s get a move on!” he clapped. “Be careful not to get grease on those!” he reminded them, making them all chuckle all over again. 

Miller helped Madi hop off the island and flew her over to the table as Clarke walked back to Bellamy, who was leaning back against the sink. 

“So what do you think?” she asked casually, holding her own shirt up. His lips twitched up to the side.

“Looks like you’re stuck with us. Miller is never going to let you skip a game now. Ever. Also, now if they lose, it’s on you.”

She smiled. “Oh, I think there are worse things.” Her phone beeped, and she pulled it out. It was from Cillian. 

**_Cillian:_ ** _Thinking of you._

She must’ve been frowning or something, because Bellamy lowered his voice and asked, “You okay?”

She looked up at him and nodded. “Yeah, yeah. Just - nevermind. Let’s go eat,” she insisted. And though she could tell he wanted to ask more questions, he let it go, handing her a plate.

Despite the rock now in her gut at what she was planning on during their lunch tomorrow, at least one mystery had been solved with that message that matched the other notes - Cillian was the one who had been leaving her flowers.

\-----------------------------

Clarke was surprised to find that the next day was grayer and a little wetter than the day before - she had hoped the sun would hold out for more than a day. But that was how spring went, and she refused to let her get it down. Forecast said it would clear up later in the day though, so she hoped it wouldn’t ruin Madi’s ride with Harper and Monty.

When they pulled up later that afternoon to the farmhouse, she was glad that the weatherman had indeed been right and it was bright and sunny again. A little damp, but at least it wasn’t raining. 

“We’re at the farm?!” Madi shrieked when they parked, wiggling as far as her car seat restraints allowed.

Clarke had kept it a surprise for the most part, just in case it didn’t work out, and also to see the look that was on her face now. Pure joy and excitement. She pushed away the pit in her stomach at her nervousness about Cillian, and focused on being excited with Madi.

“You think you want Harper to teach you to ride one of the horses, sweet girl?”

“Oh my goodness, yes!”

Madi flung herself at Harper, then Monty, as soon as they got in the house. Clarke knelt down to Madi’s level, holding her hands so she’d be sure to listen. “Okay, I've got to go home for a bit, then I'll be back." Madi nodded, bouncing up and down on her toes, clearly anxious to get to the horses. "You be careful, hmm? Listen to everything Harper and Monty tell you and don’t try to do too much too fast. Just, take it sl - ”

“Clarke. She’s going to be fine. We’ll have her on Helios. He’s like the gentlest horse there ever was,” Harper told her sweetly.

Clarke shook her head. “Right, of course.” Clarke stood up. “I trust you. Take pictures for me?”

Monty piped in, coming to Clarke’s other side. “Of course we will. And I went out and bought a tandem saddle after you texted Harper yesterday so we’ll ride the trails for a bit too if she’s doing okay.”

“You did?” she asked him. It was a surprisingly sweet gesture that really shouldn't have surprised her at all. Monty and Harper both were some of the most thoughtful people she knew.

Monty shrugged. “We figured we’d have to get one eventually anyway for when we have kids. And we meant it when we said Madi could come anytime, so… ” he shrugged again.

Clarke smiled. “Thanks, really, she asks all the time.”

Madi tugged on Clarke’s jacket. “I have to go potty.”

“Come on, I’ll show you where it is,” Monty said, outstretching a hand to Madi. They walked off, leaving Harper and Clarke in the living room.

“Everything okay?” Harper asked.

Clarke nodded. “Yeah, I just - ” began, taking a deep breath. “I’m ending things with Cillian this afternoon.” It was the first time she said it out loud, and as awful as it was, it only affirmed that she was doing the right thing.

Harper’s eyes widened. “Really? Sorry, that’s never fun.”

Clarke shrugged. “No. He’s really nice and thoughtful. Nothing is really _wrong_ with him, necessarily. We just never really clicked, looking for different things I think.”

“Yeah, I know how that goes. I had a couple of those before Monty.” 

“It’s just not right and it’s not fair to him for me to stay in it when I’m - ”

“ - in love with Bellamy?” Harper asked, smirking and trying to hide the smile playing on her lips. 

Clarke’s jaw dropped open and she could feel her face flush instantly. She’d been planning on finishing the sentence with: _when I’m not committed_. Clarke stammered around, her head shooting in the direction Monty and Madi had gone. “Wha - I’m - _what_ did you just say?” If Harper could see it, did _everyone_ see it? Could _Bellamy_?

Harper chuckled a little and responded, almost as if she could read Clarke’s mind. “Don’t worry, I don’t think he knows. He’s so wrapped up in doing or saying the wrong thing and worried about pushing you and Madi away. But I mean, you guys are it, pardon my directness.”

“‘It’?” Clarke stammered.

“Yeah, you know. That one other person that makes all the other ones you’ve ever been with just - irrelevant, sort of? I mean, I’m right, right?”

Clarke felt like she couldn’t breathe. That was exactly right. It was what she’d been musing on the day before. That she’d never felt like this with _anyone_. And all the reasons she’d had for staying away, all the shit she’d been through in her life, all the _stuff_ that would get in the way… it was irrelevant. Or not irrelevant, exactly, Madi was definitely not that. But it was something she now felt confident they’d figure out. 

She opened her mouth to respond, but Monty and Madi came back in then and Clarke couldn’t say it in front of Madi - she didn’t even get a chance to ask Harper if she thought Bellamy felt the same. Harper had kind of inferred it without saying it directly, but it gave her hope. And it wasn’t like she really wanted that answer yet. Not from Harper anyway. If Bellamy felt even a fraction of what she did for him, she wanted to hear _him_ say it.

Harper winked at her and let the subject drop, picking up Madi. 

“Everything okay? Clarke you’re looking a little warm,” Monty asked, an eyebrow raised.

Before Clarke could answer, her mind still reeling, Harper jumped in. “I was just about to ask her if she was taking Madi on the New York trip with her.”

Clarke nodded. “Yeah, actually, Diyoza talked to me about it a couple of weeks ago. She said that I was welcome to bring her.”

“That’s wonderful! I bet Madi will love the Met!”

Apparently Luna, the old art teacher, had started a tradition a few years back of taking a trip during spring break with some of the art students and history students over to the Met in New York City. Diyoza made it clear that Clarke was welcome to change the tradition, since it was originally Luna’s thing, but Clarke loved the idea. She hadn’t been to the Met since she moved away from New York years ago. Madi would love it and she’d even be able to squeeze in a quick visit with her parents. She’d been planning on telling them about it this week, but her week had been so busy, partially due to getting ready for the trip in a couple weeks. Diyoza hadn’t given her a lot of notice, but thankfully they were figuring out the details okay.

“Bellamy goes on that trip too, doesn’t he?” Harper asked, eyes wide with faux innocence.

Clarke narrowed her own. “Yes, he does. You know he does. It’s a history trip too.”

“Right, right. Must’ve forgotten that. Should be fun.”

Clarke just shook her head and rolled her eyes. “Okay, okay, I’ve got to get going. Madi, listen to everything Monty and Harper say, okay? Use your manners, hmm?”

“Yeah, yeah, Auntie, I be nice.”

Clarke just chuckled, kissed her on the cheek and bid Harper and Monty goodbye.

Clarke sighed once she got back in the car, pausing a few moments before pulling out of the farm. Everything Harper said ran through her mind, but she tried to push it aside for the moment, out of respect for Cillian. She needed to focus on one thing at a time and for now, that thing was Cillian.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys! We're almost there!
> 
> A lot of this is introspective, I know, and we didn't get any Bell POV. But Clarke has spent so much of this story running from her feelings, I wanted to spend some time in her head as she confronted the way she felt and the decision she was making. And then once she accepted it, she REALLY fell into it and realized just how far she was into it and now there's all sorts of sexual tension lol. Not that it wasn't there already, but now she's letting herself recognize it.
> 
> Also, I know that WE know Cillian is kind of an ass, but to Clarke's face he's always been this nice guy who just isn't the one for her. So that's why she keeps referring to him as such. Bellamy is usually the one to pick up on Cillian's smarminess.
> 
> Anywho, stay tuned for part 2 in a few days, hope you enjoyed this one! ❤


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew! Here we go!
> 
>  **Warning** after the jump. I don't think it's much of a spoiler at this point, since most are already feeling the dread of the flowers/notes, but I wanted to put something in there anyway just in case.
> 
> Thanks for the love and the encouragement! I love hearing from all of you, every time a comment or kudos pops up in my email, it just makes my day brighter ❤
> 
> Without further ado - enjoy!

Clarke pulled into her driveway after picking up food for her and Cillian. She wasn’t sure how much eating they’d actually do once they started talking, but she wanted to make sure they had something to eat anyway. She got out of her car about the same time as Bellamy’s truck pulled into his own driveway.

“Hey,” she greeted when he got out.

His responsive smile was instant. “Hey yourself. Where’s the munchkin?”

“Over at the farm. Harper and Monty are going to let her ride Helios today.”

He chuckled. “Really? Oh man she must be over the moon!”

Clarke nodded in agreement. “She is _thrilled_. She’s been begging me to go over there since the Superbowl,” she told him. She noticed he was dressed down in his work clothes - jeans with holes and a concert t-shirt that had definitely seen better days, though the fact that it was a size slightly too small and showed off his biceps _way_ too well was something she tried to resist staring at. Clarke felt a smile twitch at the corner of her lips, and she tried not to make fun of him for at some point in his life attending a Nickelback concert. “So what’re you up to today?” she asked, nodding to his choice in clothes, not able to completely hold out.

He looked down at himself and even from across their properties, she could see his face fluster. He crossed his arms over his shirt and narrowed his eyes at her. “O wanted to go to their show when she was a teenager, so I drove her out to New York. _She_ insisted on getting me this.”

“Right. Of course,” Clarke acknowledged quickly, trying to sound serious, but she knew it came off a little mocking. She bit her lip to keep from telling him that she happened to know Octavia _hated_ Nickelback and would never have been caught dead at one of their concerts; it had been the subject of more than one rant during their college years. She'd bring it up to make fun of him later. “So?” she asked again about his plans. 

He just rolled his eyes at her and started around back to the bed of the truck and gave her a mischievous look before unhooking the tailgate. “Well, since the weather is nicer, I thought Madi and I might get started on our garden project,” he said, pulling out a bag of garden soil and holding it up. “I was going to get the boxes built today. Monty said that he’d come over and water it while we’re gone in New York.”

Clarke swallowed down the thoughts of them on the trip together in a couple short weeks. “She’ll be so excited - she was just telling me last night the list of things that she wants to try to grow. Fair warning - jelly beans were at the top of the list. I didn’t have the heart to tell her.”

Bellamy shook his head, his smile growing wider. She’d never get sick of seeing that. “Yeah, I might have to break it to her gently.” He nodded to the bag in her own hand as he unloaded the bags of soil by the fence. “Is that lunch? Why are you here and not out riding with Madi?”

Clarke looked down, her eyebrows furrowed. “I, uh, Cillian is meeting me here, in a minute. I invited him over for lunch,” she kind of mumbled. 

Bellamy’s smile faded. She’d told Harper she was ending things with Cillian, but something about telling Bellamy before Cillian seemed… wrong somehow. He’d find out soon enough anyway. 

He nodded. “Got it. Uh, well, don’t let me keep you. I’ll just be out back.”

“Have fun,” she offered, walking backwards awkwardly towards her door. “Don’t, uh, hammer your finger or anything,” she flustered, internally sighing at how weird that sounded. 

“Got it. Though I’ll mostly be using a drill, so no risk there.”

“Right.”

She finally turned when she reached the steps, knowing that tripping would just make things so much worse. She hadn’t really expected anything to be different once she’d realized how deep her feelings for Bellamy ran, but all of a sudden, everything seemed different. She shook her head to herself and fumbled with her keys and went inside to wait for Cillian. 

Twenty minutes later, a knock sounded at the door and Clarke took a deep breath. It had to be done. She was prepared. 

“Hey, I got lunch from the diner, I hope that was o - ” she started, but cut herself off as she opened the door to the last person she ever expected to be standing in front of her. “Finn?” Clarke asked automatically, confused, her heart instantly starting to pick up it’s pace. She could feel alarms going off in her head, but she forced herself to remain calm. “What the hell are you doing here?” Clarke reflexively glanced towards Bellamy’s house, but he was nowhere to be seen.

Finn just smiled wide. “Didn’t you just say something about lunch?” he asked, taking a step forward, but Clarke stayed where she was, preventing him from coming in.

“I thought you were Cillian.”

Finn laughed. “No no. But I guess he can join us if he likes. I have a few things I should probably tell him... I met him, you know,” he said, trying to move forward yet again. Clarke’s instincts were screaming, but she forced herself not to move. “Aren’t you going to let me in?” he asked, sounding genuinely confused as to why she wasn’t stepping back.

“What? No. Finn, you need to leave.” Clarke cocked her head when something he’d just said finally registered. “Wait, what do you mean, you met him? Like you two know each other?”

Finn let out a chilling laugh that made her blood run cold. “No, I, uh, ran into him yesterday. Last night, actually. He dropped his phone in one of the aisles of the store we were in. Did you know he doesn’t keep his phone PIN protected? Not very safe if you ask me - _anyone_ can just slide to unlock,” he tsked, waving his finger in the air to illustrate.

Clarke’s brain felt sluggish. Like it was _right there_ and she just wasn’t seeing it. 

Finn continued. “You know, I was offended at first, that you forgot. It was our thing, after all.”

“What was?” she asked, far more pleading than she wanted, but she was desperate for him to just say what he wanted to say and then _fucking leave_.

Finn rolled his eyes impatiently. “Come on, Clarke. You’re smarter than this. The flowers? The notes? You used to love it when we were dating. Every time I left you one, you’d send me a text with a flower and heart emoji. Remember? You used to love it,” he said again.

Clarke inhaled sharply. The flowers. The notes. The reason why deja vu hit each time. They were not… not from Cillian. 

It was Finn the whole time. 

“And the text last night?” she asked. The _Thinking of You_ text that she thought had given her her answer as to the mysterious flowers. But as soon as she asked the question, the answer sprang to her mind immediately. “You sent it to me from his phone. When you _found_ it,” she clarified. That also must've been how he knew about their lunch today. “Or did you _steal_ it?”

Finn sighed, waving her accusation off. “Does it matter? Either way, yes, it was from me. Obviously.”

“You need to stop this, seriously. I can’t - you need to go.” She didn’t care if he had anything else to say, she needed him to leave and never come back. 

“But lunch?”

“Lunch is not for you. _My life_ is not for you. Please leave,” she told him, trying to close the door, but he stretched a hand out to stop it.

“Leave? But you haven’t even - Clarke, I did this because I love you. Because I want us back to where we were before. This was romantic!” he said, irritation and anger starting to creep into his tone. “Cillian doesn’t love you. He doesn’t deserve you. I am so fucking _tired_ of you playing this game with my head, Clarke!”

Clarke’s mouth dropped open. “Game? There is _no game_ Finn! I’ve told you _so many_ times now that I’m not interested. I’m not playing hard to get, I’m not trying to get you to try harder - _I want you to stop._ Now either leave, or I call the police,” she said firmly, despite the fact that she was shaking inside. 

Finn held his hands up. “Fine. You always did have a flair for the dramatics. But if you need more time…”

“Clarke?”

Her gaze flicked to the side over Finn’s shoulder where Cillian’s voice had come from. Finn’s expression turned from the mocking to blank in half a second. And it wasn’t the kind of blank where she just couldn’t guess what he was feeling or thinking. It was the kind of blank where she knew exactly what was on his mind. 

“Cillian. Good to see you again,” Finn said, turning around and extending his hand. 

Cillian shook it reluctantly.

“Clarke, what is going on? Weren’t we having lunch?”

Clarke opened her mouth to respond but Finn beat her to it. “Actually, Cillian. You aren’t. Ever again. Clarke and I - we go back, we have history and you… you’re just in the way. I’m sorry, Clarke wasn’t really fair to you.”

Clarke’s jaw dropped open. This was fucking _enough_.

“Finn, I’m not kidding around, leave.” Clarke pulled out her phone to start to dial 9-1-1, flabbergasted that it had actually come to this. 

But before she could hit call, Finn snatched it out of her hands and threw it across the lawn. “Okay, that’s enough. Seriously.” He turned to Cillian. “Leave, now.” 

“Cillian, do you have your phone? You need to - ”

“Nope, nope, nope. That’s not how this is going to go, okay?” Finn clapped his hands together. “Now, Cillian, you seem like a good man, you’re just not the man for Clarke, okay? So consider this - ”

“She asked you to leave. I suggest you listen to the lady or - ” Cillian tried but was cut off by Finn’s fist connecting with his jaw.

Clarke gasped. “Finn, no!” she shouted in desperation.

But it was too late and the two men were now on her front lawn, landing blow after blow as Cillian tried to block as many as he could. She immediately went over to them and tried to pull Finn off, kicking at his ribcage. It stopped for a moment, and Finn stood to face her while Cillian moaned on the grass. Clarke used all the adrenaline in her to land a punch squarely on Finn’s jaw, her knuckles groaning in protest. 

Finn’s eyes were fire as he turned back to her. But before he could do much of anything, Cillian lunged and gripped Finn’s ankle, and he went down hard. But not before grabbing Clarke’s wrist and pulling her down awkwardly with him. She scrambled away, but Finn gripped her leg and pulled and Clarke’s head smacked on a porch step. She kicked at him to get him off and combined with Cillian’s attempts from Finn’s other side, managed to break free. Her hand instantly went to the spot on her head, and pulled it away, relieved to find it clean and clear of any blood, thankfully. 

Clarke stood, shakily, and started for the direction of the phone Finn had thrown to call the police when suddenly her vision went dark and she felt her knees buckle. But before Clarke hit the grass, she stopped falling. 

She should’ve known he would come.

***

Bellamy had heard the car pull up a few minutes ago and he tried his very hardest to actively _not_ think about what they were talking about - whether Cillian was making her laugh, whether he kissed her hand or her cheek (he refused to think about whether they’d shared their first actual kiss or not), whether they were making plans for their next date. It was too hard. And even if Bellamy had decided to be to her whatever she needed, and step aside if it was Cillian she wanted, it didn’t make things any easier.

He’d foolishly started to get his hopes up the day before - something felt different when he and Miller had crashed in with dinner. There was something new in her eyes, in the way she looked at him, smiled at him. It wasn’t anything tangible, in fact might not be _anything_ at all, but he felt it. 

And then she’d told him she invited Cillian over for lunch, and had someone else watch Madi so they could be alone, and that hope faded.

So Bellamy poured his focus into setting up shop in the backyard instead, grateful that the rain had cleared up from the drizzly morning. He wanted to get at least one box built before the school week started, and he’d just plan on finishing up next weekend. That way he and Madi would be ready to plant before they left for the trip.

Bellamy almost forgot completely about the New York trip over the past couple months, until Diyoza brought it up a couple weeks ago at a staff meeting. He wasn’t sure if Clarke would continue Luna’s trips or not; he _hoped_ he would. He looked forward to it, no matter how many times he had gone. There weren’t a lot of times when he was his students’ age that he would get to go somewhere like this, and he loved that the school had the funds to do it for them. 

The money part was complicated. If the students wanted to go, they would write essays/draw/paint, etc., an entry. They had to show that they truly wanted to go, and explain what they hoped to get out of it. The applications were due before winter break, before Luna had even left. Out of the ones who took it seriously, 10 were selected at random. 

This year, both he and Clarke had been pleasantly surprised to see that Charlotte had entered, and even more excited to see she’d been chosen. She didn’t apply the year before, even though she could’ve, so they assumed she wouldn’t again. Her behavior was still sullen, and detached, but they knew that she’d been to see the guidance counselor a few times and she was no longer openly hostile to Clarke.

So, it was a start. And the art history trip would be another good chance for her to experience something different than she ever had before. 

He had just finished getting his saw plugged into the extension cord when he heard it, the sound like getting stabbed in the heart with an icicle, his blood running cold.

“Finn, _no_!”

He remained frozen for barely a half second before he took off, his body moving with more understanding than his brain. He didn’t know what was happening, only that the tone she used just about killed him. Whatever was happening was not good. 

He got within eyeshot just in time to see her hit the ground, her head hitting the step with a sickening thump. She kicked Finn away and stood just as he burst through the gate, vaguely noting the two men now wrestling in the yard and his entire being was focused on only one thing -

 _Clarke, Clarke, Clarke_.

His heart pounded to her name, the only thought in his head. 

He reached her just in time to keep her from falling, his arms grabbing hold of her waist. 

“Bellamy?”

“Yeah, you okay?” he breathed.

Clarke nodded and he helped her sit on the step. “My phone,” she said, pointing to somewhere in the grass. He quickly reached into his pocket and pulled his own out, unlocking it and handing it to Clarke. 

“Call 9-1-1, then Miller directly.”

“What are you going to do?” she asked, already dialing and holding the phone up to her ear. He didn’t answer, the sight of Finn beating the shit out of Cillian enough to spur him to action now that he knew Clarke was safe. “Bellamy!” she shouted as he ran for the two men. “Yes, this is Clarke Griffin,” he heard her answer. “There’s a violent trespasser on my property…” 

Bellamy ran for Finn, gripping his shirt in his fists and throwing him off of Cillian in one fluid motion.

Finn used the fact that Bellamy had only his shirt and not his body to throw him off balance. The two rolled and Bellamy felt Finn’s knee slam into his ribs as they struggled, almost knocking the breath out of him, but soon enough he was able to gain the upper hand again, pining Finn to the ground beneath him. 

“Get off of me, you psycho!” Finn screamed, resisting as much as he could, but it wasn’t of any use, Bellamy had him locked where he was. “I always hated you,” he practically spit at him and Bellamy tightened his grip.

“Feeling is mutual, asshole,” he barked back before craning his head around. “Clarke!” Bellamy yelled when he caught sight of her.

“Police, ambulance, and Miller are all on their way!” she told him. He could see that she’d gone over to Cillian, who was struggling to stand. “Stop, stay down until you can get checked out,” she told him.

He saw Cillian shake his head. “No, it’s fine. I can handle a few punches, it’s not that bad,” he told her, but even from here he could see one of Cillian’s eyes had swollen shut. “But this - ” he said, gesturing between himself and Clarke. 

Bellamy looked away and back to Finn, who, while still glaring at him, had mostly stopped resisting. However, that left Bellamy to have to hear every word of the conversation about to happen. 

“Cillian?” he heard Clarke ask. Her voice was steady - any wavering as a result of her fall seemed to have disappeared. “What the hell are you talking about?”

Cillian sighed. “Look, I had fun with you, I did. But I got an offer from Russell in D.C. - that’s what I wanted to tell you today.” He grunted. “And I was going to ask you to come with, but after this - ”

If he wasn’t already pining Finn down, he might have taken a swing at Cillian himself. 

Clarke scoffed and folded her arms, standing up and leaning against the banister for support. He could practically feel the instant anger radiating off of her even as far away from her as he was. “After _this_? You mean after my ex-boyfriend stalked me and my kid for who knows how long? Is that what you mean to blame _me_ for?” Bellamy smirked a little, felt his lips twitch up in a grin, especially when Finn started resisting harder at Clarke’s dismissal of him. He’d known all along that Clarke Griffin was not one to mess with. And Cillian was about to find that out the hard way. “You know what? Don’t sweat it, Cillian. Really. Go to Washington, enjoy your nepotism. The rest of us work our asses off every day for what we have. And Madi and I - we have a life here. Friends, people we love. Even if you still wanted us to go with you we wouldn’t.”

Cillian let out a dry chuckle. “I mean, I know we’ve only been on a few dates, but… ” he trailed off, obviously offended and expecting her to be heartbroken over losing him. 

Bellamy really couldn’t believe what he was hearing. The guy tries to write her off because of something that wasn’t anywhere _near_ her fault and then has the _audacity_ to be offended that she wasn’t begging him to let her follow him?

Maybe it was a good thing he was stuck hanging onto Finn - the cops were coming. 

Lights and sirens came around the corner and Miller came shooting out of the car the second it was in Park. “Bellamy, Clarke? What the fuck is happening?” he asked, tapping Bellamy on the shoulder to get him to release Finn. One paramedic went to Cillian and one to Finn, since they were clearly worse off than Bellamy or Clarke. 

“This asshole showed up. Wouldn’t leave,” Clarke told him, coming to stand next to Bellamy and it was then that he noticed the purplish splotches forming on her knuckles. She must’ve got a shot in before he showed up. His heart surged with pride and his fingers itched to wrap around her, but he left him at his side instead. His side, which was now starting to smart something awful. Finn had more force behind that knee than Bellamy thought he’d had. “I think he’s been stalking me,” she added, suddenly sounding very tired. He leaned a little towards her, to which she responded by leaning over herself, some of her weight being transferred to Bellamy. “He’s been leaving me flowers, anonymous messages. Stole Cillian’s phone last night to send me a text that I would think was from him.”

_What?!_

Bellamy couldn’t wrap his head around what she was saying, what he was hearing. He remembered their conversation a while back about the texts after he showed up at the house, but he thought that’d been it. He hated that she’d been trying to handle this on her own. 

“Got it,” Miller scoffed. “Alright. Finn Collins, you are under arrest for stalking, trespassing, assault to start. You have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law…” he began, shoving Finn in the back of his squad car as he finished reading him his Miranda Rights.

Bellamy turned his attention to Clarke, allowing himself to reach out to her now, touching a hand to the side of her neck . “You need to get your head checked out,” he told her softly. “And your fingers,” he added, nodding down to the hand hanging down at her side.

She tilted her head into his hand, making his breath stutter. “No. I’m fine. My hand is just a little bruised and it’s just a bump,” she sighed and he scoffed a little bit, but it came out more of a growl, which seemed to make her smile slightly. “I promise, I’m okay. What about you?” she asked, reaching for his side, which he dodged.

Bellamy let his hand drop from her face and waved her off. “Please, I’ve had worse.”

“Bellamy.”

He reached and intended to just grip her shoulders, but instead she ended up folding into him, her arms wrapping around his middle and her head tucking into his neck. He wrapped his arms around her, a hand at the back of her head holding her to him. He felt her let out a relieved breath and he let out one of his own.

“Um, guys?” He heard Miller ask quietly and they broke the embrace to face him. Bellamy kept an arm around her back, unwilling to let her go completely. “I hate bringing this up , and it doesn’t have to be now, but maybe tomorrow I’m going to need you to come down to the station to give a statement. And if you still have the notes, um, would you mind bringing them? They’ll be evidence.”

“Yeah I’ll come down tomorrow after school. And I have the notes, but they were typed, I’m not sure what help they’ll be. Thank you Miller,” Clarke said. 

“No problem. Uh, where’s Madi? Is she okay?”

Clarke nodded. “She’s at the farm, riding horses with Harper and Monty,” she told him. Then she sighed. “I’ll have to go get her in a little bit.”

Bellamy leaned in. “I can see if Harper and Monty want to keep her around for a little while longer? You should sit down.” He really didn’t like that she wasn’t going to have her head looked at, but she’d also just been through hell so at the very least she needed to take a breath.

She nodded and he pulled out his phone to shoot Harper a quick message. He didn’t want to give too many details, but he knew Harper would get the idea that something was going on and that she’d be happy to hang out with Madi. 

“Okay, I’m going to take this scumbag in,” Miller told them. Then, turning to Bellamy, he added, “You got her?”

Clarke sighed. “I’m fine, you two. Just really exhausted.” She tried to wave them off, and he and Miller exchanged a look. Bellamy could feel her swaying in his arms as it was. “Seriously don’t worry about me.”

“I’m glad you’re okay,” Miller added, shaking his head and stepping forward to give Clarke a hug. 

She nodded and he left, leaving just the two of them in the front yard. After the car turned the corner, he could feel her slipping, the adrenaline probably wearing off finally.

“What do you want to do?” he asked.

She gave him a look. “You mean you’re not going to just order me to go rest?” she asked with a smirk. 

He shrugged. “What I think you should do is irrelevant. It’s up to you. I’m not going to force you.”

“You kind of want to, though, right?”

Bellamy sighed and let out a dry chuckle. “Maybe a little. You’ve just been through a lot. But you can make your own call. I’m just here for support.”

“Let’s go inside,” she finally said and he let out a breath he’d been holding. It had been more difficult than he would’ve thought to not just pick her up and force her to rest, like she’d guessed. She chuckled at his obvious relief and poked him in the side. Unfortunately, right where he was sure Finn had bruised a couple of his ribs.

He couldn’t hide the wince and saw Clarke brows furrow in concern. “I thought you said you were fine?” she asked warily.

“I believe what I said was I’ve had worse… which is true,” he defended weakly. 

She gave him the look he’d expected and shook her head. “Come on. I think we both need a drink.”

Once they were inside her house, she directed him to sit on the couch, despite his protests that _she_ was the one with the head injury. 

“It’s just an annoying bump. Bruised a little probably. I’ll keep an eye on it, promise,” she said, sitting down next to him, handing him a glass of what smelled like whiskey. “Now,” she began. “Let’s see it,” Clarke commanded, motioning for him to lift up his shirt.

“Clarke - ”

“Nope. Not up for discussion. I need to see if they’re bruised or broken.”

“If they were broken, I’d know.”

“Bellamy,” she sighed.

“Clarke,” he mocked. 

“Shirt.”

He scoffed, but did as he was told, taking a sip before lifting his shirt up for her inspection. He knew it wasn’t going to look good, and sure enough, purple splotches that matched Clarke’s knuckles had already started appearing. He winced as she poked and prodded around, feeling for any indication they were broken. He tried to ignore the feeling of her fingers against his chest, the delicate, but steady way they grazed across his skin. He closed his eyes, trying to focus on literally anything else. 

The past hour ran through his mind and the conversation he’d overheard while holding Finn down came to the forefront of his mind. 

“Clarke. What Cillian said…” he began, not entirely sure where he was headed with this. The fucker broke up with her for something that wasn’t even her fault, in the midst of everything that was going down. 

Clarke shook her head and let out a dry, disgusted sort of chuckle. “It’s not… I’m fine. Annoyed a little, sure, but I’m fine.”

He reached out and gripped the wrist still prodding his side, stilling her motions as her hand splayed out on his side. He could feel the slight tremble, the shake that told him how tightly she was trying to reign her emotion in. 

“It’s not fine.”

A tear slipped down her cheek. “No, the stupid thing is… it really is fine,” she half laughed. “I mean, not Finn - that I can’t even think about right now. But Cillian? Yeah he was an ass for doing what he did. But lunch was - ” she stopped, knitting her eyebrows together and avoiding looking at him, staring down at her hand on his ribs intently.

“Lunch was - what?” he ventured, not really sure why the air in the room seemed thick all of a sudden. When she didn’t respond like he’d expected, he leaned a little closer and tried again. “Did you want to go to Washington with him?” he asked, quiet, afraid of her answer, even though the rational side of him reminded him that they had only been seeing each other for barely a month. 

Even though that was more time than it took for _Bellamy_ to fall for her. And he knew she’d told Cillian she didn’t want to, but maybe that was all a show, something she’d told him because she was hurt that he was breaking up with her. 

Her gaze shot up to him at the question, their eyes connecting and what he saw in them made his heart jump. Bellamy couldn’t explain _how_ he knew, but he realized that he was off the mark - that going to Washington was the last thing she wanted. Something was brewing just below the surface, but he couldn’t quite grab it. Something that he was afraid to hope for. Something that he was afraid he was wrong about.

“Bellamy. Madi and I - our life is _here_. I know it’s only been a few months but - Arkadia feels like home in a way that California or even New York never did. It feels like this is where I’ve been heading my whole life.”

He exhaled sharply and couldn’t help the grin creeping up on his face. _She was home_. He just wished home would be with _him_.

“So, are you disappointed that he’s leaving?” he asked, still sure that she wasn’t, but he wanted her to keep talking for some reason, sensing that there was something she was holding back. 

She shook her head. “No, I’m sorry. I’m not saying this right. Um, Bellamy, I was - ” she chuckled again. “I was going to break up with him myself. That’s why I was having him over for lunch.” Bellamy swallowed heavily, wondering if Clarke could hear his heart hammering away in his chest, only an inch from where her fingers rested, from where they tapped lightly against his skin.

“You were?” he asked.

“Yeah. He’s not - ” she took a deep breath. “I shouldn’t even have been with him at all in the first place. It was never going to work with Cillian.”

“It wasn’t?”

“No. I hoped it would help - ” she started again, still speaking in half sentences. He couldn’t figure out what she was trying to get at, which was disconcerting because usually he could. He felt like he _should_ know, but again it was like his brain was moving too slowly and couldn’t keep up. Usually he knew exactly what she was thinking - or at least had a decent guess. It was part of how they worked so well together.

“Clarke, whatever it is, you can tell me.”

She let out a frustrated noise, taking her hand off his chest and standing up, but her eyes never left him, wide and frantic as she looked at him. Her fingers had left a trail of electricity across his skin, burning him from the outside in. It reminded him of the night before, when he’d realized something was different when he’d walked in - the way she was looking at him, the buzz in the air that he couldn’t quite put his finger on. 

It was the way she’d looked at him when he told her she was his favorite person. 

It was the way she’d looked at him in the diner when they’d been sitting next to each other, arms pressed together, hands held under the table. 

It was the way she’d looked at him when they were pressed up against each other in the snow. 

_Oh._

Bellamy joined her in standing up, wincing only a little at the strain, but he couldn’t care less about his ribs just then. This was a cliff. They were on the edge of a cliff. And he so desperately wanted her to jump. “Clarke… tell me,” he said, softer.

Her breathing came faster as he walked closer, inch by inch, drawn like a magnet to her like he always was. But instead of resisting it, he let it pull him in. 

“He’s not - ” she started again. Then, quieter, so quiet that if he wasn’t an inch away now, forcing her gaze up at him, he’s not sure if he would’ve heard it at all. “He’s not… _you_. It was never going to work with Cillian, because he’s not you.”

She’d barely finished speaking when his lips crashed into hers, his hands coming up to cradle her face to hold her in place. He felt her arms wrap around his waist, her hands sliding up his back to hold _him_ in place.

Like he’d ever want to be anywhere else.

His heart thumped away in his chest, but with them so close together, it could’ve been her heart he was feeling. Or the both of theirs combined. 

Their lips slid together in the softest, yet most consuming way, pieces in his heart and soul clicking together. The release of months of longing finding its destination.

His hand slid from her cheeks to the back of her head, her soft blonde waves intertwining with his fingers as he carefully avoided the bump. She responded by somehow stepping in even closer, their bodies flush with one another now, every point of contact searing the feel of it in his mind and heart. 

Reluctantly, and only for the sake of breathing did they finally part, staying within only a breath away, gasping to pull air in, their foreheads and hands and arms still connected. 

His voice was raspy when he finally spoke, thick from what had happened, _if_ it’d even happened at all. Maybe he was dreaming. 

But even in his dreams she didn’t kiss like _that_.

It didn’t feel like that. 

This was something far beyond anything his puny dreams could cook up. 

Her eyes were shut, squeezed tight and he could feel the slight tremble in her body.

“ _Clarke_.”

His phone dinged from over on the couch and he released a sigh. 

“You should check that. Could be Harper,” she whispered. 

“Right.” He tore himself away (because simply leaving her embrace was never going to be anything but a literal ripping away) and walked over to grab the offending device to see that Clarke was right. It was a response from Harper, telling him that she and Monty would love to have Madi stay longer. “Madi’s doing good, she said,” he told Clarke. “Harp said they’d give her dinner,” he added, holding up the picture Harper had sent him accompanying the text of Madi on Helios. 

Clarke nodded rapidly. “That’s good. She looks like she’s having a great time.”

Bellamy hummed in agreement and tossed the phone back down. “Clarke - ”

“I should go get her. She’s probably wondering - ”

“Clarke.”

She was second-guessing. Out of fear, out of regret, out of confusion, he wasn’t quite sure.

“I can’t, Bellamy. Everything is too - Madi - ”

Ah. It was Madi she was worried about, the picture that Harper sent them having reminded her. But he loved Madi and would move the earth for that little girl if he had to.

“No,” he stopped her. “Don’t use Madi. This isn’t about her right now.” He understood her concern, but Clarke's feelings mattered too.

“ _Everything_ I do is about her, Bellamy, it has to be. And whatever _this_ is - ” she said, waving a hand between the two of them. “It’s big. And I can’t let her get hurt.”

“You think I would hurt her?”

Clarke’s shoulders sagged. “No, of course not. You would never do that. I know that,” she nodded and Bellamy sighed, relieved. “But look what happened today! There’s something about _me_ , okay? I’m a mess half the time and I break everything, make the wrong decisions. And what if I… what if I break you too? I’d be hurting her _and_ you,” she finally admitted, no longer looking at him. She shook her head. “I can’t do that to you. I can’t do that to her.”

He sighed and stepped closer to her and was crushed when she took a step back. But not because he thought it wasn’t what she wanted. He knew now that she _did_ want him and them. It was that she was afraid to want it.

Because of all the bullshit she’d been put through over the years. 

Because of everything that happened today. 

Before this moment, she’d seemed confident, sure about her decision. But after Finn, after Cillian, she was second guessing herself. 

But _he_ wasn’t afraid. And he’d carry the weight she was feeling if she needed him to. 

“I’m not so breakable, Clarke,” he started, still getting closer. “And I don’t scare easily. You don’t break everything. And all the history and craziness in the world is not going to stop me from wanting you. And I’m tired of pretending I don’t. And you know that I’m not going to hurt Madi.”

“But what if we - ”

“We won’t.”

“And if I - ”

“You won’t.”

“You can’t - ”

“I _can_ ,” he insisted. “So the only question left, Princess, is what do _you_ want?” 

He knew, but he needed to hear her say it. He let himself reach out to her, pleased when she didn’t back away that time and let herself be drawn back into him, where she fit perfectly in his arms. 

“You.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Warning:** Stalking, references to stalking and just genuinely crazy behavior from said stalker. Some violence/fighting, though not too much. Also some victim-blaming.
> 
> \------------------------  
>  **End Notes:**
> 
> AHHHH SO MUCH HAPPENED!
> 
> See why I had to split the chaps? No way I could release it all in one lol. 
> 
> I can't wait to hear your thoughts! I hope it was worth the wait. 
> 
> Do I need to post a warning for lots more kissing coming up? Because there is 😉


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW! I'm so thrilled that so many of you enjoyed the last chapter! Thank you for all your beautiful words and encouragement ❤
> 
> This one is a little more subdued, since a lot of it is aftermath, but our fave couple is finally together! So we've got some fluff/softness in it too 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

The first thought in Clarke’s mind as their lips connected a second time, the first since she let herself make that final decision to jump into the abyss, was that she would never grow tired of kissing him; she was absolutely sure of it. 

Of feeling Bellamy’s lips against hers, of his hands on her, of the way they moved together. She wasn’t even sure anymore if oxygen was really all that important - if her lungs wanted to burn, let them burn. 

They’d burn together.

There was so much in that one word, that confession that she’d been pushing down for months, that feeling she’d had impossibly soon after meeting him. She’d tried to convince herself that it would be better if they just stayed neighbors, stayed acquaintances who just saw each other in passing.

Life was funny that way.

The only bad thing about kissing Bellamy Blake was that eventually, they’d have to stop. 

Although, she had to admit it was a little unbelievable that it was _this_ good. It seemed unfair somehow, that he was allowed to have this sort of skill, look the way he did, _and_ treat her the way he did. Unfair for the rest of the population maybe, but something akin to her winning the jackpot floated through her mind. 

“I want you too, for the record,” he smirked at her, breaking apart only far apart to whisper the words and she felt his lips against hers form every syllable. One hand was tangled up in her hair and the other at her back, splayed over her spine as he pressed their bodies closer.

Yeah, she was never going to get tired of it.

Clarke heard a little hum escape her mouth, an automatic response to words that she’d only dreamt of hearing him say. 

The events of the day had dissipated from her mind. There would be plenty of time to let it all sink in later. 

This moment belonged to her and Bellamy.

She had no idea how much time had passed that they’d been standing there, reveling in the peaceful bubble they’d created and enjoying the feel of one another in a way that neither thought they’d get to have. There was no rush, no immediate need to take things further, though her body might - read, definitely - disagreed with. And when he tilted his head _just right_ to deepen the kiss, his tongue tangling with hers in a way that sent heat pooling low in her stomach.

Eventually though, she was reminded that she had other responsibilities, and their moment ended. Clarke was comforted in the fact that there would be many, _many_ other moments. “I really do have to go get Madi,” she told him, a small smile on her face.

He chuckled and stepped back. “I know.”

“I’m not running this time. Promise. I just - ”

“ _Clarke_. I know. It’s okay.” He reached a hand up to her face, cradling the side of her head and rubbing soothing circles across her cheek with his thumb, where she knew a pinkish hue had taken up residence across her pale skin. 

There wasn’t much that Clarke knew, but she knew she could trust Bellamy. It was there drawing her in like a moth to a flame even when she barely knew anything about him. Sure, she’d tried to keep her distance when they’d met and gotten off on the wrong foot, but Clarke saw now that it was never going to last very long. 

“At some point, though, we should probably talk about what this… is, I guess,” she heard him say quietly as she went to grab her coat and shoes. He was right, of course. Clearly a conversation past _I want you_ would be warranted at some point. 

The events of the day started washing over her, what’d she just been through gripping her lungs and squeezing tight as reality set in when the little bubble she and Bellamy had been in popped. 

“Right,” she agreed, trying to keep the panic at bay. “I - uh, oh,” she moaned sitting down and touching a hand to her forehead where the headache had started forming. From Finn or Cillian or the head injury she couldn’t quite tell. Probably all of the above.

“Clarke? Are you okay? I mean, we don’t have - have to, uh…” he trailed off and she realized that he thought her panic was about _them_ and not about what had happened earlier. 

She reached her other hand out to him, clutching his hand and pulling him down next to her on the couch. “No, that’s not it. I’m just - _fucking hell_. Finn was stalking me.”

She felt him tense next to her and heard his teeth grind together as he tightened his grip on her hand. “Yeah. Son of a bitch. I should’ve - ”

“No,” she stopped him firmly. “You’re not doing that, okay? You saved me, saved Cillian, even. Finn was - unhinged. I don’t - I’m glad you weren’t hurt worse, you could’ve been.”

Bellamy snorted. “Please, I can take Finn Collins.”

His indignance made her smile. “Oh I’m sure you can. I’m just glad you’re okay,” she told him, laying her head on his shoulder. 

“Are you fine to drive?” he asked, quieter. He knew he respected her in a way that he’d never be controlling or overbearing, but in that protective way that showed her he cared. 

She nodded. “Yeah, I just need to take some Tylenol.”

“Here, I can get it.”

She nodded and laid back as he went to the bathroom for the pills and then the kitchen for some water before returning to sitting next to her. He also apparently grabbed a granola bar for her because _it’ll kick in faster with something in your stomach_.

“Thanks,” she said, leaning into him. She felt him press his lips to the top of her head hesitantly, making her smile into his chest. “I’ll be back in a little bit.” She stood again. He stood with her, still wincing a bit. 

He walked with her to the door, an absent hand at his side. “Do you want me to be here when you get back?”

She reached up a hand to his cheek. “I always want you here. But really, you should get some rest. Those ribs are going to smart something awful in the morning.”

He smirked and covered her hand with one of his own, and then brought it to his lips to kiss the palm of her hand. “I don’t know, didn’t you once tell Madi that kisses make you feel all better?”

She grinned wide, shaking her head and marveling that even as her insides felt like they were being coiled tighter and tighter like a boa constrictor, he could still make her smile like this, could help her release the tension and anxiety. Make her feel safe. She was right, when she thought about him, _them_ , the day before - he lit up all her dark spots. Clarke only hoped she did the same for him. 

She tried to think of something witty to say, some joke that would make him smile, but all she could think of was to oblige him, stretching up on her tiptoes to touch her lips to his. He responded instantly, his hands reaching her waist instantly as her own arms slung loosely around his neck. 

This one wasn’t like their first, though it was passionate in it’s own way. It wasn’t as hungry (though she could feel that starting to stir low in her stomach), but it was loving, and trusting, and _healing_.

“Much better,” he whispered. 

“To answer your early question… what _this_ is… is us. Just us. Together,” she whispered back and she felt his body shiver.

He nodded against her, and squeezed her waist. “Together.”

\-----------------------------

“You kissed Bellamy,” Harper accused as soon as she opened the door. Clarke had checked herself out in the rear-view mirror before she’d gotten out of the car, trying to smooth down her hair, her body shivering at the memory of his hands threaded in it, holding her tightly to him.

She thought for sure no one would be able to tell what she’d been doing.

“Harper, I mean - I… uh… ” she trailed off, her mind blank of any reasonable ways of lying to her friend. But why would she want to lie? She had done nothing wrong, and it wasn’t like she wasn’t planning on kissing Bellamy again. And again. And again. And really never stop if she had her way. She felt the grin start to spread across her face, Harper’s own grin stretching to match hers. “Fine. Yes, I - kissed Bellamy.”

Harper screeched and wrapped her arms around Clarke while somehow simultaneously hopping up and down. “I knew it! I knew it!”

“What’s going on?! What’s wrong?!” Monty shouted, hurriedly running into the room and looking around wildly. When nothing seemed to be on fire, or in any current danger, he straightened up, crossing his arms and narrowing his eyes at his wife. “Why do you have your smug smile on? You scared the crap outta me and Madi.”

“Where _is_ Madi?” Clarke asked, looking around.

“I left her in the kitchen in case whatever you two were shrieking about was an alien invasion or a stampede or something.”

“Do those things happen in Arkadia a lot?” Clarke teased with a smile.

“Very funny. Now, what is going on?” he asked with an amused smile creeping up on his lips. “If Harp has her smug smile on then that means she was right about something. So?” he asked again. Clarke bit her lip, but said nothing, causing Harper to sigh exasperatedly. 

Harper’s eyes went wide at her husband and she started tilting her head in Clarke’s direction pointedly. Clarke rolled her eyes as Monty threw up his hands in confusion. Then Madi came wandering in, saving Clarke any further embarrassment.

“Hey, sweet girl!”: Clarke exclaimed, swinging Madi up in her arms. She hadn’t bothered telling Harper and Monty what _else_ had happened earlier; she didn't feel in the right frame of mind to relive the events just yet. And having Madi up in her embrace again, knowing the little girl was safe far away from the danger Finn had posed - it was like she could take a breath of fresh air. “Did you have so much fun? Bellamy showed me the pictures Harper sent of you on Helios! I’m so proud of you!”

“ _Holy crap!_ ” Monty exclaimed suddenly. “You two - she - they - OH!” he realized and Clarke saw over Madi’s shoulder Harper smack Monty excitedly at his realization of what his wife had been trying to convey a few moments ago.

“What happened?” Madi asked, cocking her head. Clarke gave her two friends a look that she hoped communicated her desire for them to chill out, and looked back at Madi.

“Harper and Monty are being really silly, aren’t they?” she asked, scrunching up her nose and touching it to Madi’s. The little girl giggled.

“They alllllways silly,” she agreed. 

“Hey! If I were so silly, would I have let you put whipped cream on your pancakes?” Monty asked, indignantly.

“Duh!” Madi said obviously, making both Harper and Clarke laugh. Despite how well the afternoon ended with Bellamy, there was still the undealt-with emotion from the ordeal with Cillian and Finn floating around the back of her mind. But being with Madi, hearing her giggle and throw sarcasm at Monty warmed her heart and calmed her mind. 

“Pancakes for dinner, that sounds yummy!”

“Bacon too! We even had a bacon - what was it called again?” she asked, twisting around in Clarke’s arms to face Harper, who stepped closer, putting a hand on Madi’s back. 

“A competition,” Harper said clearly. 

“Right. That. Monty and Harper _both_ made bacon and I got to pick who made the best!” Madi exclaimed.

“Well don’t leave me suspense! Who won?” Clarke asked enthusiastically, thrilled that it seemed that Madi had such a wonderful time, all the panic from before having eased away for the moment.

“Who do you think? She can do no wrong,” Monty said sweetly, giving Harper a kiss on the cheek.

“Except the dishes, apparently.”

Monty chuckled. “Yes, there is that,” he agreed. Then turning to Clarke he explained, “She can’t load a dishwasher correctly to save her life.”

“Hey now! Just because I load it _differently_ than you doesn’t make it wrong!”

“Harper - you put cups on the bottom rack! And everything is so jammed in there nothing ends up clean,” he pointed out. Harper scoffed and waved him off.

Clarke could tell this was not the first time they’d had this disagreement, and she chuckled at just how _married_ the two of them were.

“Monty said he would teach me!” Madi exclaimed. 

Monty nodded, proud. “Yep. She’ll learn to load dishes like a pro by the time she’s four,” he declared. “Which is when, again?”

Clarke shook her head in amusement. “May. And yep, that’s definitely something every four year old should know. Especially since she can’t even reach the sink.”

“Hey, honey, Monty and I had so much fun with you riding horses. You come back anytime your Auntie says it’s okay, alright?”

“Yay!” Madi cried out in excitement. “Tomorrow!”

Clarke laughed. “Well, tomorrow we have school, but I promise really soon, okay? Now what do you say to Harper and Monty?”

Madi nodded and wiggled down out of Clarke’s arms, running over to give first Harper a big hug, then Monty. “Thank you for an awesome day,” she told them. Harper looked at Clarke and put a hand to her chest, touched by the embrace.

“It was our pleasure, sweetheart.”

“Yeah, kiddo. Can’t wait for the next time,” Monty agreed.

“Okay, okay, run and get in the car, Mads,” Clarke told her, and turned back to her friends. “Thanks again. Next time I’ll join you guys.”

“Annnnd Bellamy?” Harper asked. 

“I’m never going to hear the end of this, am I?” Clarke asked with an eyebrow raised.

“Never,” Monty promised. 

“Okay, but seriously, it _just_ happened, so maybe keep it to yourselves for a little while?” she asked. The last thing they needed was all their friends, who she knew were enthusiastically well intentioned, would have all sorts of things to say about it and Clarke still needed to process through it first. 

“Well, it’s about time,” Harper teased under her breath, but both her and Monty nodded their assurances. 

As sheepish as she felt about their joking around with her though, Clarke couldn’t agree more.

\-----------------------------

Bellamy wasn’t at the house when she and Madi got home, and Clarke told herself that he was probably just resting, taking care of his ribs like she’d told him to. Her heart pounded as she entered the house, her eyes scanning the room and landing on the spot where she’d finally admitted that she wanted him.

Damn it had felt good to finally say it out loud. And to his face. 

Somehow she hadn’t quite realized the depths of how long and profoundly she’d been pining for him. And all her fears and worries about what may or may not happen with him… she could trust him, she knew that. He would never hurt Madi, and he would never hurt her. 

The smell hit her nose at the same moment Madi shouted, “Pizza!” Clarke laughed as they approached the box sitting on her counter from Murphy’s. “Can I have a piece before bed, pleeeease Auntie Clarke?”

“Didn’t you already have dinner at Harper and Monty’s?” she asked absently as her eye caught on a note sitting on top of the box.

“Yes, but I’m still hungry!”

Clarke shook her head and leaned over to boop Madi nose as she climbed on one of the stools. “Fine. _One_ slice, but then it’s straight to bed, okay?”

“Deal!” 

After Madi got her piece and started on it happily, Clarke scanned the note.

_For my girls.  
Figured you might be hungry since you haven’t eaten,  
and Madi is always hungry. Call me if you need me.  
See you in the morning.  
-Bell  
P.S. I stand firm that pineapple still doesn’t belong on pizza but I figured I’d give you this one._

Clarke smiled stupidly to herself, both at the term he’d used and thoughtfulness of the gesture.

“Auntie?”

Clarke snapped her head up, having gotten lost for a moment in her thoughts and the giddy feeling of what reading the words _my girls_ did to her. “What’s up?”

“You eat too! Come on! And I’m thirsty,” Madi complained. Clarke saw the pineapple that she’d picked off piled off to the side and Clarke reached over to pop one in her mouth. 

“How do we ask nicely?”

“Can I have water please?”

“Better, thank you,” Clarke nodded and got the girl what she asked, snagging a slice of pizza on her way to the sink. She hadn’t told Madi about her and Bellamy - the day having gone on long enough for the both of them. She wasn’t even sure _what_ to say about it. Or how much. Madi was only three and Clarke wasn’t even sure how much of a difference she’d even notice.

Except the kissing. Hopefully there would be a lot more kissing. Though, it probably wouldn’t be in front of Madi anyway. 

While she and Madi finished eating, she reread the note, her eyes still lingering on certain phrases that made her chest warm and her pulse stutter. After so long of avoiding the very feelings that she was now embracing, of pushing them aside to focus on Cillian, or Madi, and telling herself that he was better off without her - that their friendship would be at risk if they allowed themselves to be anything more than best friends. That her baggage and history of making really stupid decisons (Finn and Cillian included) would end up hurting him. After she’d let go of all the reasons and flimsy excuses, it seemed like her feelings for him had grown so much even in the last few hours.

They were _together_ now. And it wasn’t like they hadn’t already been _acting_ together, if she was being completely honest. He was her best friend in Arkadia, or, one of them at least, but the way she behaved with him, talked to him, _flirted_ (even subconsciously) with him, touched him, held his hand, thought about him… well, there was more intimacy in it than she had really let herself understand. She’d never do any of that with her other friends, no matter close they were. There was more to a romantic relationship than _kissing_ or anything else physical, and she was beginning to comprehend just how much of that they were already doing. 

Clarke got Madi ready for and in bed, and three rounds of _Sunshine_ later, was finally leaving the room. She wandered to her own, wide awake despite every bone in her body dragging with exhaustion. She collapsed into bed, still in the clothes she’d worn earlier, already knowing if she didn’t get up to change, she’d regret it in the morning, but still, she made no move to get up. Her head had started throbbing again and she groaned at the fact that she was going to have to move eventually to get more Tylenol at some point.

Her phone buzzed then, and without picking it up, she already knew who it was. And even without him in the room, her lips erupted in a wide grin, and her heart picked up its pace. 

It was getting ridiculous. 

And the phrase she’d thought while kissing him earlier ran through her thoughts again - she knew she’d never grow tired of it.

**_Bellamy:_ ** _You still up?_

_**Clarke:** No._

_**Clarke:** Just put Madi down. Trying to calm my mind so i can go to sleep too_

_**…** _

_**Bellamy:** Anything i can do to help?_

Clarke smiled and shook her head to herself.

**_Clarke:_ ** _No… i’m sure i’ll fall asleep eventually. What’re you doing up?_

_**Bellamy:** is it lame if I said i couldn’t stop thinking about you?_

It was sweet, and a little cheesy, something to make her smile. But while Bellamy was a hundred times the man that Finn ever was or would be, that phrase reminded her of the roses and notes left for her and her smile faded a little. She closed her eyes as she tried to banish the images that came to mind - Finn trying to force himself into her house, him watching her and Madi at the park, him at her school. He’d been watching her and she hadn’t even known it. 

It was unnerving. But it wasn’t Bellamy’s fault. He was being honest with her and part of her wanted to type _thinking about you too_ back to him, because for the entirety of the night, she had been. But those words meant something different now and she swallowed the lump in her throat.

Her phone buzzed, repeatedly this time, indicating that he was calling instead of texting her. She felt ashamed, guilty that she never responded to his text. She swiped the green button, her eyes still closed. 

“Hey.”

“Hi. You ok?” he asked tentatively.

“Yeah, I’m sorry.”

“Look, Clarke, if you’re - ” he started.

“Stop. No,” she insisted. “It’s nothing to do with you.”

“Okay…”

Clarke bit her lip. If she was going to commit to this, to _them_ , she couldn't keep shit like this to herself. She had to be honest, knowing that he would appreciate that more than her suffering in silence every time he said it.

“The notes, that Finn was leaving me with the flowers, what they said…”

“Oh shit, I can’t believe I didn’t think of that. I’m such an idiot.”

“No. You’re not Finn. It’s not you. I’m just - it’s been a long day and I think I’m just now realizing how much he was watching me and you know, what could’ve happened to me and Madi and I’m just - ” she paused to take a deep breath. “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to be sorry. I hate thinking about what could’ve happened too,” he said quietly. “But as much as I can, I won’t let anything happen to you,” he told her. She could feel the wetness in the corners of her eyes start to form, both at the determination in his tone and the feeling it gave her. She was used to defending herself, not relying on anyone but herself for the most part, but the relief that it gave her that she wasn’t alone, didn’t have to go through it alone, meant more than anything.

She sniffled. “For the record, you were on my mind too,” she told him and she could practically hear his smile through the phone. “Thanks for the pizza.”

“You didn’t eat anything but a granola bar for most of the day, so I figured you could use it.”

She opened her mouth to refute his claim, but clamped it shut again when she realized that he was right. Still, she scoffed anyway. “Whatever,” she retorted weakly, eliciting from him a small chuckle. She loved the sound, almost as much over the phone as in person. But she also preferred the smile that accompanied the laugh and wished that he were there in person so she could see it.

Of course, if he were there in person, she’d never get _any_ sleep.

The thought made her heart race again. 

She yawned loudly, kicking at her covers until she was underneath them, her phone between her ear and the pillow now. 

“Sounds like you’re tired enough now.”

“Mmm,” she hummed into the device.

“Sleep well, Princess, see you in the morning.”

Clarke doesn’t remember hanging up, doesn’t remember the phone slipping down off the pillow, or her eyes closing or her breathing evening out. But she does remember the way his voice sounded in her ear, reverberating through her mind. She remembers the feeling it gave her. Safe, warm, cared for. 

And dare she say, though he hadn’t used the actual word - 

_Loved_.

***

A lot of things have happened to Bellamy in his life.

A lot of good.

A lot of bad.

A lot of neither here nor there. 

But this thing with Clarke? This inexplicable, giant, all-encompassing _thing_ that he found himself a part of?

It surpassed all of it. The good, the bad, the neither here nor there. All of it.

The world seemed brighter, fuller with her in it. Since she came tearing through his life like a hurricane a few months ago, nothing had been the same, in the best way possible. And here it was, changing again. Morphing into something new, and, for lack of a different term because it was the one she’d used, _big_. 

Every part of him was buzzing that morning as he got ready for work. Excitement at seeing her, maybe getting to kiss her again, hold her again. Just being around her was thrilling. He felt like a teenager, feeling those stirring feelings for the first time. Only, this wasn’t so much a _crush_ as it was… _big_. Endless.

He approached Clarke’s front door with caution. Not because he was wary, but because of the heightened anticipation flooding through his body with every step. He swallowed heavily and lifted a hand to knock on the yellow door. She’d once told him that she hated the color yellow. Or at least, the mustard-yellow of the door. She preferred the yellow of sunshine. Which was, of course, very fitting for her. He wished this house wasn’t Sydney’s and she was allowed to change it. If she was permitted to paint the mural she had in Madi’s room, she should be allowed to paint her own front door. 

Before he could actually knock on the door, however, it opened with a flourish, as it always did on these mornings. Clarke was not the sort to have everything in order and on time, and was always rushing around, checking off the boxes in her brain in a hurry. 

He stepped back as she stepped forward to join him on the porch, throwing a “Run upstairs and grab your shoes, Mads, Bell is here, we’ve got to go!” over her shoulder before finally facing him. Her cheeks were flushed, and he wondered if it were his presence that caused it or if it were because of the flurry of Monday morning.

“Sorry, I slept through my alarm, I, uh, was a bit more tired than I thought last night,” she swallowed heavily and huffed out a little laugh.

“It’s okay,” he responded, a grin spread wide over his lips, despite his attempts to reign it in just a little bit. He saw her bite her lip, her attempt at the same thing. His body felt jittery, and he was grateful he’d only had one cup of coffee that morning. Who needed caffeine when his blood buzzed by just her presence?

“So… hey,” he greeted a little lamely, clearing his throat when his voice sounded a bit hoarse.

“Hi,” she responded, shifting from foot to foot. At least he knew he wasn’t the only one affected by this new thing between them. By all appearances, nothing had really changed, they were still best friends, still complete opposites, still just as important to one another as they were the day before. Still, his heart beat faster with the recognition that she was _aware_ of his feelings for her, and hers for him. 

Or, well, maybe not the depths of his feelings, but there would be time for that. They had all the time in the world. 

“Thanks for the pizza,” she blurted out, and he chuckled a little when she closed her eyes and shook her head, like she was regretting saying it. 

“You said that last night,” he pointed out, though he knew she knew that. “You wouldn’t believe the, uh, _colorful_ things Murphy had to say when I ordered a pizza with pineapple,” he told her, taking a step forward.

“Probably something along the lines of what Harper had to say when I picked up Madi,” she responded with a laugh. "Only I'm not sure I can see Murphy shrieking and jumping up and down."

Bellamy huffed a laugh at the image and took a step forward, despite the humming of his blood that only increased as he got closer to her. Her breathing stuttered as he approached, her fingers fidgeting with the hem of her blouse absently.

“You okay?” he asked.

She shot him a look and stopped her fingers from fidgeting. “Yes, why?”

He stepped closer. “You seem nervous. Do I make you nervous now?” he teased, a smirk in full bloom on his lips.

“No,” she scoffed, taking half a step back as he came toe to toe with her. She very intently stared at his chest, avoiding his gaze. 

“Hmm,” he hummed. “You make me nervous,” he admitted softly.

She swallowed heavily and finally looked up at him, placing her palms lightly on his chest..

“I do?” she whispered, her lips twitching up and an eyebrow quirked in amusement.

He hummed again and nodded in acknowledgement as he brought his hand up to her hair, eager to feel her soft waves through his fingers once again. She smiled just before his lips connected with hers, then sighed into him, returning the kiss. The chilly morning air felt good on his overheated skin that seemed to flare with her touch. Along with the only one cup of coffee he was grateful for, he was also pleased that he had decided to leave his coat in the car. 

They parted after only a moment, her fingers leaving little electric shocks down his arm as they trailed lightly down his arm. 

“Okay, I may have been a little nervous,” she grinned.

He threw his head back and laughed. “You don’t need to be nervous with me,” he told her when he looked at her again. He leaned over and could feel her hold her breath as he placed a light kiss on her cheek. 

“I know,” she said softly. “I’m not, really. More… excited? I don’t know,” she gave up, her brows knitted together.

Bellamy laughed again, reaching up with his thumb to smooth it out. “Me too.”

“Okay, well, before Madi gets out here, we should probably - ”

“Yeah, we should.” He ran a hand over the back of his neck. “You need some help or…?” he trailed off, feeling awkward again. He knew Clarke’s day yesterday was nothing resembling short and telling Madi about something like this was not her top priority, nor should it have been. He could wait however long Clarke decided to wait; he would follow her lead. 

“No, I think we - ”

“Bellamy!” the little girl shouted as she flung her little body through the door, arms open wide for him. Clarke laughed heartily, stepping out of the way so she didn’t get bowled over. His heart felt like it would burst open at how simple and wonderful this whole moment had been, and the thought they could have more times like this. 

He caught her as she jumped. “Hey kiddo. You get your shoes like Auntie told you?”

“Yep!” she told him, holding a foot up to show him.

“Okay, now how about your backpack?” he asked, smoothing her hair out of her eyes.

“Duh! It’s already by the door.”

“Of course, what was I thinking?” he grinned at her, poking her in the belly and making her giggle. “Okay, grab it and hop in your seat, we’ve got to get a move on,” he directed, putting her down so she could do as he asked. 

Madi rolled her eyes at him. “Yeah, yeah. Tell that to Auntie,” she mumbled. 

Bellamy chuckled as Clarke’s jaw dropped open and she put a hand to her chest in mock offense. “Hey, how dare you, I am very organized thank you very much.”

“Oh yeah?” he challenged. “Your blouse is buttoned wrong,” he told her with a smirk.

“What?!” she gasped looking down to find that he’d tricked her. She slowly looked back up at him, and shoved him in the chest, making him take a step back. “You’re such a jerk.”

He only shrugged smugly. “How’s the head? And hand?”

“Much better. The bump is still there, but I didn’t even need to take Tylenol this morning, so hopefully it'll be totally gone in a few days. My knuckles are a little sore though. Your ribs?”

“I’m glad you’re feeling better. And… my ribs are… fine, I guess. They hurt, but it’s not a big deal. It’ll go away.”

Clarke nodded. “Need me to kiss them better?” she smirked, taking a half step closer. I mean, it worked with Madi and my hangover…”

He bit his lip and glanced back to the car, feeling his heart beat faster still and this could not be healthy for his cardiovascular health for this to happen so often. He took a deep breath, not sure of how to answer her offer without kissing her with the intention of never stopping. “Madi and I will be in the car.”

She waved him off. “Yeah, yeah,” she scoffed, sounding exactly as Madi had a few moments ago. “I’ll be there in a minute.” She smiled one more time at him before disappearing inside and he went to join Madi in the truck. 

Yeah, he wouldn’t mind every morning for the foreseeable future being just like this one.

\-----------------------------

Monday afternoon rolled around and throughout the day he could see Clarke growing more and more agitated as her appointment to go down to the police station neared. He met her outside the daycare when the final bell let out to pick up Madi.

She hovered by the two way glass, in the same place he’d shown her that first day they’d run into each other in the hallway. 

“Hey.”

Clarke startled and turned to him, eyes wide until she realized it was him, then her shoulders slacked. She swung her gaze back to the window as he approached, and Bellamy placed a hand on the small of her back in what he hoped was comforting. 

“I just keep thinking what would’ve happened if she was there, if she’d seen all that,” Clarke said quietly. “How do I protect her from this?”

He took a deep breath. “You love her. You watch out for her. You make sure, to the best of your ability, that she’s safe and with people you trust.”

She sighed. “Right.”

“Do you want me to come with you to the station?”

She nodded. “Yeah. Actually Miller texted me earlier to specifically bring you, since you’re a witness. Apparently you didn’t answer your phone earlier?”

Bellamy sighed. “Yeah, it died just before lunch and was charging in the teacher’s lounge most of the day. I just noticed that I missed his call as I got here.”

“And in any case, I don’t - I don’t want to go by myself. I don’t want to leave Madi, but I just can’t do it on my own.” Clarke averted her gaze, turning her head down to stare at the floor. “I feel like I should be stronger than this, but the idea of being in the same building as him? Even with him behind bars - it’s terrifying.”

He shook his head. “It’s stronger to recognize when to ask to help, instead of never asking for it in the first place.”

Clarke leaned into him, and his hand slid around to her waist as she got closer. “Rae already offered to - ”

“ _Of course_ ,” someone interrupted.

The two of them almost jumped at the voice, coming from just a few feet away. He removed his arm from her, though he stayed just in front, shielding her from him. Bellamy’s muscles automatically tensed with anger and defense.

“Cillian,” Clarke said, irritation leaking into her tone. “What the hell do you want?”

Cillian smirked, even though his eye was still pretty swollen. Bellamy was surprised he was there at all? Had he been teaching all day with his eye like that? Not that he cared how Cillian was doing at this point, but the students shouldn’t have to see that. 

“What’re you even doing here?” he asked, folding his arms across his chest. “There’s no way you were teaching today.”

“Besides catching you two? Wow, you really don’t wait long, do you Clarke?” he shot at her. Bellamy’s jaw clenched as Cillian added, soundly almost bored, “I’m working out the details of my leave with Diyoza. I was planning on giving her two weeks, but thanks to your _other_ boyfriend, Clarke,” he told them, gesturing to his eye. “I’m leaving earlier than I planned.”

“Pity,” Bellamy practically growled. 

“I’m going to get Madi, I have no reason to talk to you, Cillian,” Clarke shot back at him, brushing past him and Bellamy. “I’ll call Raven and meet you at the car?” she directed to him.

“I’ll be there in a minute,” he agreed, and she nodded and continued on her way. “I have a few things I’d like to say to Cillian.” 

Cillian smirked. “And you told me there was nothing between you. Tell me Blake, how long exactly did you wait before making your move?”

Bellamy rolled his shoulders. “Let me make one thing very _clear_ ,” he said, quiet, but what he hoped sounded deadly serious. The only reason he wasn’t throwing Cillian against the wall for his comments was because he was on school grounds and that would be automatic grounds for dismissal. “You are a fucking _coward_ , Cillian. Blaming a woman for being attacked at her own home? Stalked? Threatened? You think that makes you anything other than scum?”

Cillian narrowed his eyes and raised his chin in defiance, though he said nothing in defense of his actions. 

“It’s a good thing you’re leaving, honestly. Because I’m not sure what I would do if I had to see your pathetic face every day. If _Clarke_ had to. It doesn’t matter what’s between Clarke and I now. What you did - it was the lowest of low. Blaming someone for something that wasn’t their fault? Breaking up with _her_ because some asshole couldn't take no for an answer? Fucking coward,” Bellamy repeated. “You will not come near her again, you hear? You don’t deserve to be breathing the same air as her, let alone speak in her general direction.”

He didn’t allow Cillian any time to respond, just knocked his shoulder on the way out of the hallway to go meet Clarke and Madi, ready to never see that pathetic excuse for a human again. 

Raven was already ready and waiting at the house when they pulled up, sitting on the front porch. He wasn’t sure what Clarke had told her, but the cold steel in Raven’s eyes told him she knew at least some of the situation. 

The ride to the police station was short and Miller was ready and waiting for them, a cup of coffee in his hand for Clarke, which she accepted gratefully. She handed over the notes Finn had left her to his partner (since Miller was only able to be peripherally involved in the situation due to his friendship with Clarke), and they were led into a conference room to wait as they were individually questioned about what had happened. They spent most of their wait in silence; no amount of joking or flirting or distractions would be able to deflect away from why they were there. 

Before long, thankfully, they were headed out again, and Clarke remained quiet, save for an update on how her interview had gone. Bellamy reached over to grip her hand, and she squeezed tight. He wasn’t sure what to say to her, _if_ there was anything to say. She knew she could talk to him if she needed, but he had a feeling that what she needed the most was space, after having to relive all the awful parts of the day before. They stood at the fence separating their properties as they bid the other goodbye. 

“You sure you don’t want me to go in?”

Clarke shook her head. “I think I need it to just be me and Madi tonight, is that okay?”

“Of course it’s okay, Clarke,” he told her. “I’m just a phone call away, though, if you need me.”

“Thanks though. For everything. I - I don’t feel like I have to go through it alone.”

“Always,” he emphasized, bringing his hands up to her cheeks. He brought her face up to his, met her lips with a soft kiss. There would be so much time for all of this later, but he needed her to know he cared, that he loved her, even if he hadn’t said as much yet. 

He watched as she walked away, a soft smile on her face that told him that maybe he had helped some, even if the smile didn’t reach her eyes. He turned to head into his own house, and heard Raven’s bike roar to life a few minutes later as she left. 

He collapsed into bed early that night, taking care to set his phone to ring, in case Clarke took him up on his offer. Not that he really expected her to, but just in case. 

About an hour after he fell asleep, his phone went off. He scrambled blindly for it, sliding to answer the video call. Through his squint at the brightness of the screen, Clarke’s face popped up.

“Bell?” She laughed a little before adding, “I can’t see you.”

He finally cracked open his eyes a little. Sure enough, the little picture in the upper corner was completely dark. “Sorry, hang on,” he told her, grunting as he reached up to his bedside lamp to turn it on. Once he knew he could see her, he collapsed back onto his pillow. “What’s up, are you okay?”

Clarke bit her lip. “Yeah, I, uh, I’m sorry to wake you.”

“No, it’s fine, really. I’m glad you called,” he insisted, rubbing a hand over his face.

She laughed again. “Sure you are,” she said, clearly not believing him. She was in bed too, he could see, her head snuggled into her pillow. “Madi just went down.”

His eyes flicked to the time in the corner of the screen. “It’s late for her, isn’t it?”

Clarke sighed. “Yeah, but we were watching a movie and I didn’t have the heart to make her turn it off. I’ll regret it in the morning though, I’m sure.”

“Yeah I bet you will too,” he agreed amusedly. “You’re a good mom, Clarke.”

“Thanks. Well, I just - I wanted to see you again. I felt bad - earlier, I was a little overwhelmed and - I hope I didn’t - ” she started to ramble, but he stopped her.

“You have to stop worrying about everyone else all the time, Princess. It’s okay to need some space to process.” 

“I just didn’t want you to think - ”

“I didn’t,” he assured her. 

“Okay, good.” She sucked in her lip again, before flicking it back out. He forced himself to focus on the conversation and not her lips. “Um, I’m happy, by the way. That we’re doing, um, this. Us. I know we should probably talk about it some more, especially in regards to Madi, but I, uh, just wanted you to know.”

A smile twitched at the corner of his lips. “Me too,” he breathed. “I’m happy too.”

A light blush appeared on her cheeks and they said their goodnights after that. He didn’t waste anytime at all falling back to sleep, completely unsurprised to find that she was the focus of every one of his dreams that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for all your support! See you Saturday!
> 
> ❤
> 
> If you haven't already and want to check out the moodboard I made for this fic, check out my [tumblr](https://dayo488.tumblr.com/) and come hang out with me!


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so glad that everyone is indeed still enjoying this and seemed to like the last chapter!
> 
> Hope you like this one too!
> 
> As always, thanks for all the love and support!

Unfortunately, they didn’t get to spend much more time together that week as Bellamy wanted for one reason or another. Either Clarke ended up having to go in early to meet with Diyoza about the trip or he had to stay late for parent meetings or detentions, or Madi was having a difficult day filled with tantrums and defiance. Sure, they still got together for dinner here and there, but they had end of quarter tests to grade and things to put in order before New York, so mostly they stayed at their respective houses to get things done.

It was already Friday and he hadn’t even had a chance to check in on how she was doing after the Finn/Cillian thing, since he didn’t want to bring it up in front of Madi and he’d only linger a few moments after she went to bed. 

They had heard from Miller that morning, though, that Finn had been granted bail. He assured both Bellamy and Clarke when he had stopped by before they left for the school that a restraining order had been put in place, though that provided little comfort to the both of them. He trusted Miller with his life and anyone else’s, but that didn’t mean Finn cared one ounce about a restraining order. Finn has already proven that anything he was told that he didn’t want to hear, he ignored. 

Bellamy could tell it weighed on Clarke as well. All the way to school that morning she remained quiet, answering any of Madi’s questions with closed answers, and a small, sad smile that never reached her eyes. He knew Madi likely couldn’t tell how upset Clarke was, even if she could tell something was off. But he could.

So that night, after they finished the Chinese take-out they’d ordered and the movie that Madi fell asleep during, he offered to go put her down for Clarke. She nodded her permission tiredly and he could see how completely exhausted she was when she didn’t even attempt a half-hearted refusal like she usually would - the kind that told him she really did want him to help but didn’t want to put him out. She always tried to take everything on by herself, but she wasn’t alone and he was determined to never let her believe that she was. 

After Madi was dressed, teeth brushed, story picked out and read and _A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes_ was sung, Bellamy gave Madi a kiss on her forehead as the little girl drifted off soundly and he made his way back downstairs.

Clarke’s eyes were closed and she was curled up against the arm of the couch, her oversized sweatshirt slipping off her shoulder. It wasn’t the first time that he’d found her like this, movie nights weren’t uncommon with them, nor was it unusual for her to fall asleep during them. But this was the first time that instead of just draping a blanket over her small frame and turning the lights out, he slipped an arm under her head and an arm under her legs, swinging her up into his chest and started up the stairs. She started stirring as his foot hit the top step.

“Mmm, I’m awake. I’m okay,” she tried, but her eyes were still closed and she burrowed into his chest further, contradicting her assertions. His heart was beating wildly against her cheek that it was a wonder that she stayed sleeping with all the pounding.

“Sure you are,” he murmured. He used his elbow to nudge her door open and set her down on the bed. She stirred further then, sitting up and actually opening her eyes as he went to close her curtains.

“So, is this one of the perks of dating Bellamy Blake? Getting carried to bed?” she asked, a tired smirk on her lips. 

He turned and leaned back against the wall and shrugged. “Don’t get used to it. I’m not usually this nice.”

Her grin widened, turning into something that resembled an actual smile. “Sure. That’s believable,” Clarke agreed sarcastically. Then she reached for the throw at the foot of the bed, covering her lap. “So when does spring actually hit in Connecticut? I mean, I keep seeing glimpses of it, but it’s still so damn cold.”

“Really?” he asked, chuckling a little as he pushed off the wall and walked towards her. “And I thought today was one of the warmer ones.”

“Well, when you’re a human furnace, do you even get to have an opinion on the weather?” she yawned.

“Are you sure I’m not the normal one and you don’t just have the body temperature of a polar bear?” he asked, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

Clarke cocked her head. “Don’t bears have the same body temperature we do?” 

“I don’t know! What’s an animal with a low body temperature then?” he sighed and rolled his eyes.

“A snake?” she asked, cocking an eyebrow in a challenge to actually agree and call her a snake. 

“Whatever. You get the idea.”

“Sure, sure. I’m just glad I won this one. Knowing something you don’t is a rarity.”

“You won nothing. It’s late and I’m tired and just because I was wrong about the polar bear doesn’t mean - ” he started, but she cut him off by surging towards him, capturing his lips in a kiss. He responded instantly, one hand keeping him propped up on the bed and the other on her thigh over the blanket.

She let out a small contented sigh when they parted, one of the sweetest sounds he has ever heard her make. They’d had all kinds of kisses this week, since Monday morning on her front porch. Quicker, stolen ones, and longer goodnight ones, each one different and perfect in its own way. This one resembled one of their goodnight ones - lazy, patient, simply enjoying the feel of each other. That hungry, stirring feeling settling in him low and fiery flared up, but it was hardly the time for it, so he pulled back, his eyes taking in their fill of every feature of her face instead.

She had on a tired, sloppy smile, the soft kind that he learned she had when she was forcing herself to stay awake. 

“You can sleep now, you know,” he said quietly. “I’ll see you tomorrow?” She shook her head and his heart sank a little, he’d hoped they would get to spend some time together that didn’t include them going a million different directions.

“No, I just mean - I’m not ready for you to go yet,” she explained and his heart leapt back up. 

“Oh yeah?” he asked cheekily. “Thought you were tired?”

“You were the one who said that, not me.”

“Clarke, you were sleeping when I came back down from putting Madi to bed,” he pointed out. 

“We finally don’t have school tomorrow and you want to leave?” she asked. “I mean, I won’t stop you, but… ” she trailed off, shrugging a little.

“Stop, you know that’s not what I meant,” he interjected, low and completely serious. He never wanted to leave.

“Well, I appreciate your attempt at chivalry and patience, but I also wouldn’t mind if you at least laid down with me for awhile.”

He smiled at her, and reached over to tuck an errant blonde curl back behind her ear. Her hair was a mess, piled high in something resembling a bun on the top of her head, and her sweatshirt had paint stains and was clearly two sizes too large, but she was still one of the most beautiful women he’d ever seen. And he knew that part of that had to do with _who_ she was and not just what she looked like, though, he’d be a fool not to find her attractive. 

He slid over to the head of bed so he was side by side with her. He put an arm behind his head to prop himself up and she twisted so she was laying on her stomach, her chin on his chest looking at him. 

“Is it weird to you yet that we can do this?” she asked, drawing nonsensical pictures with one of her fingertips on his chest. He cocked his head slightly, urging her to explain further. “I mean, I feel like I’ve wanted this,” she swallowed heavily. “Wanted _us_ for so long now, that this doesn’t feel like anything out of the ordinary.”

“ _So long_ , hmm?” he asked and she smacked him in his chest. “I know what you mean though,” he told her, his own fingers fiddling with ends of the errant hair that had spilled out of the pile on her head. “Can I, uh, ask you a question?”

“Mm hmm,” she hummed.

He licked his lips, having gone dry for a moment as he considered his next words carefully. “Why, um, if you wanted us for _so long_ ,” he teased again, eliciting another huff from her. “Why were you dating Cillian?”

Bellamy had his suspicions for her reasons of course, but he’d spent _so long_ himself wanting _her_ , and assuming her feelings for him were strictly platonic, that he wanted to hear what had been going through her head. He didn’t want to insult her, didn’t want to accuse her of cheating, even emotionally on the man she was dating, but still, he was curious.

She laid her head down, so her cheek was directly over his heart, beating just as furiously as it always did when she was anywhere near him, but he wasn’t nervous or anxious anymore that she would realize it - he had no problem letting her hear what she did to him. 

Her head went up and down with his breathing as she considered how to answer his question. He was two seconds away from taking it back, from apologizing for asking for too personal of information when she finally spoke.

“I - I, uh, don’t deserve you. I mean, there were a lot of reasons why I allowed myself to entertain a relationship with Cillian, and they all didn’t have to do with you,” she smirked at him, “but you were - are - my best friend, you and Raven. And I was so afraid that I’d ruin what we had, when I eventually screwed it up, like I usually did. All of my relationships have ended so badly and you didn’t deserve that, and Madi didn’t deserve that. So I fought them, my feelings, for as long as I could,” she finished. “I don’t know if that makes any sense.”

Then it was his turn to take a beat, a moment where his brain tried to digest what he’d just heard. Because it _wasn’t_ what his suspicions had been, at least not completely. “It… doesn’t,” he told her. 

“Well, I - ” she tried to explain further but he interjected.

“No, wait. It doesn’t make sense in the way that you think it’s all on you. I’m not some perfect person who hasn’t had my fair share of screw-ups, ask anyone. And your past is your past. It’s _in the past._ ”

“Except when it’s beating up my present on the front lawn,” she pointed out with a raised eyebrow.

“Not your fault,” he said immediately. “ But it doesn't change the way I feel about you. And I’m going to be your best friend, no matter what happens with the romantic side of our relationship. There’s nothing you could do or say that would push me away.”

“But what if I - ”

He shook his head. “Not even then.” 

Clarke sighed. “I hate showing this side of me,” she huffed, rolling on her back so she was staring up at the ceiling. “I hate feeling like this - insecure, worried all the time.”

Bellamy inhaled deeply. “I’m glad you show me this side of you. I want to see every side of you. Even the parts you hate. Because, all of those parts add up to Clarke Griffin. And I want all of it. All of you.”

“I was just afraid that if you... ” she trailed off, huffing a little.

He snorted. “Afraid? I say, screw fear. I’m telling my own damn story. And I’m not going to be afraid to feel the way I do. And you shouldn’t either. And not just about me, but about all of it. You’ve been through a lot. But those things don’t define you, you get to decide what your story is too.”

“I like that,” she said absently, her fingers tapping lightly on her own stomach. He stretched one of his own over to grab one, intertwining their fingers. “You trust Miller, right?” she asked softly. “I mean, I trust him too, obviously, but he’d tell us, right, if we, if _I_ needed to be worried? About Finn?” she clarified, even though Bellamy knew what she’d meant even if she hadn’t. 

He nodded. “Yeah. He’s not going to let Finn anywhere near this house. I’m not either, okay? You’ve got me. You’ve got a whole mess of people who will back you up. And Madi.”

She chuckled. “Yeah. Okay.”

“Are _you_ worried?”

Bellamy felt her breathe deeply, and tighten her hold on his hand. “I have to be. I’m lucky Madi wasn’t here when the whole thing went down. But we’ve seen already that he doesn’t hear the word _no_. What if he doesn’t care about the restraining order and just sees it as another obstacle in our ‘epic love story’?”

He considered her a moment. “I mean, it’s possible that he’ll think that, sure. But they’ll keep tabs on him. And it’s really just until the sentencing anyway. Keep your phone with you, and just keep your eyes open. It’ll be okay.”

Clarke nodded. “Yeah. I can handle Finn Collins,” she affirmed. 

“Have you talked to Rae about it?” he asked.

Clarke nodded again. “Yeah. Sort of. Just a quick update on Monday, but we’re getting together tomorrow and I’ll go over it in more detail,” she yawned. 

“I think it’s time for me to go,” he said, laughing a little under his breath. “You were sleeping already anyway before I brought you up.”

“No, no, I’m fine,” she slurred, her eyes closing. “I just need to rest my eyes. But I’m totally awake. Don’t go,” she beckoned, refusing to let go when he sat up to get off the bed. Part of him loved that she didn’t want him to go, though he knew he should. 

Bellamy chuckled. “Don’t princesses need their beauty sleep?” he teased. 

She shook her head as she burrowed it into the pillows. “Not this one.”

He leaned over to give her a kiss, her hand automatically coming up to grip his arm, keeping him in place. He smiled into it and cradled her head with his hand for support. They parted and he went in for one last peck, before pulling back completely. “Goodnight, Clarke.”

“Night, Bell,” she murmured, her hand slipping off his arm, her fingers trailing down his skin as she drifted off.

He leaned over, unable to resist stealing one last kiss on her cheek before he left. The feel of her smooth skin on his lips, the warmth of her skin, despite the fact that she was always complaining how cold she was, was something he would always want more of. 

Bellamy shut the light off and closed the door, leaving her to sleep in peace. They still hadn’t discussed how this was going to work with Madi around. Him waking up in Clarke’s bed might be a little much for the little girl. But Bellamy would wait as long as they both needed to figure it out; he wasn’t going anywhere. 

It was pretty chilly when he finally left the house, locking the front door with his copy of the house key that Clarke had given him a month ago. A parked car just a little bit away caught his eye. He couldn't remember seeing it there before and was more than a little wary.

Bellamy pulled his phone out, just in case, but when he got close enough to see it was Miller in the driver’s seat, he sighed in relief. He tapped on the window and Miller startled and rolled his eyes when he saw it was Bellamy.

“What are you doing here?” 

Miller shrugged. “I’m on duty right now and I figured here is as good a place as any to catch up on paperwork,” he told him, gesturing to the multiple piles on the passenger seat. “I’m not going to let him near her, don’t worry.”

Bellamy smiled at his friend. “Thanks, Miller.”

“What're you doing leaving her house so late?” he asked, raising an eyebrow in question at Bellamy.

Bellamy tried - and failed - to keep from smiling. “Nothing happened. Well, not what you’re thinking anyway.”

Miller’s eyes went wide. “So… _something_ happened?!”

Shit. He knew that Monty and Harper already knew - Clarke had told him earlier in the week that Harper had guessed it when she went to pick up Madi. But Miller was a different story. If Miller knew, they’d all know. Not that that was necessarily a bad thing, but he hadn’t figured out with Clarke yet _how_ to tell everyone.

Bellamy breathed deep and nodded. “Look, it’s new, okay?”

Miller snorted. “New my ass. You two have been dancing around each other longer than I’ve been alive.”

Bellamy gave him a look. “We’ve only known each other a few months, Miller. How old are you?”

Miller waved him off. “You know what I mean. Jax is going to be stoked. Oh! And Murphy. I think he bet on a spring break deadline.”

“You guys _bet_ on when we’d get together?!” Bellamy asked incredulously. 

“ _No_ ,” Miller insisted. “Not seriously anyway. We just… talked about it. Everyone had a guess.”

Bellamy shook his head. “They’re all going to know by tomorrow, aren’t they?”

Miller raised an eyebrow at him and that was when Bellamy knew he was in for it. “Hey Google, text the delinquents the bat signal,” Miller spoke into his phone.

“ _Got it. Do you want to send it or change it?_ ” Google asked.

“The bat signal?” Bellamy asked.

“Yeah, our agreed upon signal that we’re supposed to send when you two idiots finally figured it out,” Miller said obviously.

Bellamy huffed. “Stop. Google, don’t send that text.”

Miller narrowed his eyes at Bellamy. “Hey Google, I want you to send it.”

“ _Message has been sent._ ”

“Damnit Miller!”

Miller just shrugged.

“I hate you, you know that, right?” Bellamy asked, backing away from the car to head inside.

“Oh please! You love me!”

Bellamy just laughed. Well, the cat was out of the bag now.

***

Clarke woke on Saturday morning to the sound of her bedroom door creaking open slowly. Her eyes shot open, but she remained still, trying to remember where she’d put her phone last night and if she had any weapons within arms reach. She was just about to fly out of her bed and grab the nearest object to defend herself with when a little voice cut through the quiet.

“Auntie?”

Clarke breathed deeply and tried to consciously slow her heartbeat. Madi should’ve been her first guess, but due to the dreams she’d had last night, she’d assumed it was Finn. Clarke turned over, more gently than the fast and furious way she’d been planning to, and opened her arms to Madi, who was currently standing right next to her bedside. Her hair was getting long, almost past her shoulders now, and, like always, hanging in front of her eyes. She smiled softly and opened the covers, inviting the little one in.

“Good morning, silly,” Clarke said, her voice a little hoarse from the startling way she’d woken up, and she tried to push back the panic that had coursed through her at the thought of who it could’ve been. She smoothed Madi’s hair back away from her face. “How do you see with all this hair in your pretty eyes?” she teased. 

It was unnerving, the idea that Finn was out of custody. But Clarke was resolved not to live her life in fear. She’d deal with it if the worst happened, but Bellamy was right last night when he reminded her she wasn’t alone. The feeling that she’d gotten laying in his arms, listening to the steadiness of his heartbeat (even if it was steadily _fast_ ), the deep tone of his voice washing over her like a warm blanket, kissing him goodnight… she’d never wanted him to go. The feeling was somehow completely foreign, yet undenyingly familiar all at the same time and she thought she was starting to understand why people used the phrase _meant to be_. 

She went to boop Madi on the nose, but at the last second the girl moved her stuffed bunny to block Clarke, giggling when Clarke pretended to be offended. 

“What are we doing today?” Madi asked, her little toddler voice slurring her words together in her sleepiness.

“Hmm, well Raven is coming over around lunch. Then I thought we’d try to see if we could get Octavia on a video chat? She wants to introduce us to her new boyfriend. How does that sound?”

Madi scrunched her nose. “Well, I like Raven. And I like Otavia. But what’s a boyfriend?”

Clarke inhaled sharply, smiling at the fact that eventually she was going to have to explain to Madi her _own_ new relationship. Her and Bellamy were together, and were going to be together for a long time. It was a certainty that she could feel in her bones.

“Well, you know how your mommy and daddy were married? They were husband and wife?” Clarke started, and Madi nodded in understanding. “Well, _before_ they were married, they were boyfriend and girlfriend.”

“Oooohhhh,” Madi drawed out. “So Otavia has a boyfriend?” she clarified. Clarke chuckled a little and nodded. “Oh my goodness. That’s crazy,” she giggled.

Clarke grinned a little wider. “What’s so crazy about it?”

“I dunno. Just is.”

Clarke shook her head in amusement. “Okay, kiddo. I’m hungry, what about you?”

“Pancakes!” she shouted and Clarke pulled back a little to keep from losing her hearing.

“I don’t know if I can do pancakes today. How about we just get some cereal? And we’ll do pancakes tomorrow?”

“Fiiine,” Madi agreed dramatically. “But I pick your mug out?”

“You got it. Okay, up and at’em!” Madi giggled and practically rolled out of her bed. 

Once they were downstairs and Clarke had a generously sized portion of coffee poured in the mug Madi picked out for her, they set up in front of the TV in the living room, and Madi picked out a cartoon. Soon the little girl was enthralled in her show and Clarke let the coffee kick in as she curled up under the blanket. She pulled her phone out to check her emails and any missed messages finally, having found her phone sitting on her nightstand when she’d gotten out of bed. There was only one message, a gif of the batman signal from Miller, but she couldn’t figure out what the heck it meant. She sent off an emoji in response, the sticking tongue out smiley face and hoped that it fit with whatever it was he was trying to tell her. 

She realized as she scrolled that she still needed to call her parents to let them know of the trip they were taking in a couple weeks. Then a thought occurred to her. Bellamy was also coming on this trip. 

Bellamy, whom she was dating.

And she would most likely be bringing Madi to have dinner with them at some point during the trip. Should she bring Bellamy as well? Was that even appropriate at this point? Would he even want to go? When they’d first met, part of the reason for him being an asshole was that he thought she was some pretentious trust fund brat in Sydney’s pocket.

Even if she’d hadn’t heard a peep from Sydney this entire time, and he’d learned that his first impression of her couldn't have been farther from the truth… it wasn’t exactly a secret how Clarke had grown up. Ostentatious and over-the-top wealth _was_ a part of her upbringing. And was still how her parents lived. And the last thing she wanted was for him to feel uncomfortable. They were wonderful people, but Clarke was sure that Bellamy wasn’t exactly what they pictured for Clarke. 

In fact, it was probably a man more like Cillian. 

Her phone dinged, a response from Miller that was just a winky face. She shook her head and scoffed, still confused. She’d ask Bellamy later to see if he had any idea what any of that meant. She sent messages off to Octavia, seeing if she’d be available to chat around 3pm, which was when Madi typically woke up from her nap, then another one to her father, letting him know that she had something to tell them.

Her phone started ringing seconds later, an old picture of her and her father springing up that she had set as his caller ID. She laughed as she always did at the silly photo, one those rare times when they escaped all the expectations of the New York elite and he’d picked her up early from her fancy private school and taken her for ice cream on Staten Island.

“Is that Otava?” Madi asked, her face not turning from the TV set. 

“Nope, my dad.”

“Grandpa!” Madi squealed. Jake and Abby were the closest things the girl had to grandparents. Wells’s parents had passed long before she was born, and Glass’s parents… well, there was definitely a reason why Glass had kept them away from Madi, like Wells had referenced in the letter he’d left to Clarke about Madi’s custody.

Clarke’s parents had come to California when Madi had been born, a few times over the past couple of years, and then again immediately after their deaths, helping Clarke get her footing with her new role as Madi’s guardian. They’d talked sporadically over the past few months, but she realized she hadn’t talked to them really since before Valentine’s Day. Since before the disaster that was Cillian. She hadn’t done it consciously, but maybe it was for a reason - her mother always asked if she was seeing someone.

“Hey Dad.”

“Sweetheart! It is so wonderful to hear from you. You must be so busy, it’s been over a month since we’ve caught up. How’s that sweet Madi girl?” her father asked enthusiastically. She laughed a little, but then she heard some whispering behind Jake that was most definitely her mother followed by a “I will, Abby, but first I want to hear about my girls!”

“Hey mom,” Clarke said, rolling her eyes even though she knew her mother wasn’t going to be able to see her. “Madi’s doing great. She’s still really loving the daycare at the school. You know, we’re just doing our thing.”

“And how’s my daughter? How’re you handling it all still?” Jake asked, fatherly love and concern in every syllable. 

She inhaled deeply. “I’m ok. Some days are better than others. We just try to take it one day at a time. One situation,” she swallowed heavily. She hadn’t really thought about whether to tell them about Finn or not. It was supposedly over so it shouldn’t really matter and would probably just serve to freak them out. “But school is amazing as always, even if the students give me a run for my money sometimes.”

“I know that teaching isn’t always glamorous and maybe wasn’t what we envisioned for you, but I hope you know that we are so proud of you anyway. You’ve worked so hard and those kids are lucky to have you as a teacher.”

She chuckled a little. Her dad (and eventually her mother) were always so supportive of her chosen career, even if it’d taken them a little more than a minute to understand and accept it. Her mother grew up with money, a surgeon like both of her parents before her, but her father didn’t. He forged a path different from his parents and worked hard to get to the level he was at Eligius. They were very different, Jake and Abby, but they loved each other fiercely. 

Clarke was a weird combination of the two of them for sure. 

“Thanks Dad. How’re you two doing?”

“We’re good, but we miss you sweetie!” her mom piped in, prompting her dad to chuckle. “You and Madi! But now enough about us, what did you need to tell us?”

Clarke smiled. “Well,” she began, knowing that it wasn’t what her mother was expecting her to say necessarily, even though that particular part of her life actually _did_ have some news. She wanted to talk to Bellamy about it first though, so she continued on with the news of her trip. “Every year our school brings kids on a trip to the Met. We’ll have plenty of chaperones and volunteers and our principal told me that Madi and I could make a detour for an evening and come see you guys.”

Clarke heard her father chuckle again in response to her mother’s dramatic gasp. “Really? Oh Clarke, that would be amazing! Madi has never been here before and you haven’t been back in ages,” her mother gushed. 

“Yeah I thought you guys would be excited, we are too,” Clarke smiled. 

And they didn’t even know half of it. Now she just had to figure out how Bellamy was going to react.

\-----------------------------

“Raven!” Madi squealed in happiness when the bike pulled up. Madi was at the window, refusing to go to sleep until Raven got there. Clarke knew that would make naptime harder, but she could hardly refuse the kid.

“Madi, wait!” she shouted as the girl swung the door wide and barreled towards Raven. 

Raven chuckled, and seeing the girl running in her bare feet down the porch, set her helmet down and crouched low to catch her. “Madisaurus Rex! What’s up girl?” She tickled Madi in the belly, prompting her to squirm and giggle.

“Hey Rae,” Clarke called from the porch, leaning against the railing. She fought against glancing over towards Bellamy’s house, determined to focus on her friend and niece. However, that battle was quickly lost and she tried to be casual about looking around, but the smirk on Raven’s face when she turned back revealed she’d been caught.

“Hey, Griff,” Raven said, striding over to them, Madi on her hip. “Mads, you forgot your shoes. Aren’t your toesies cold?” she laughed with her, but Madi just shook her head.

“Nope,” the girl insisted, popping her _p_. 

“Okay, okay, now it’s time for a nap,” Clarke chuckled.

“I don’t wanna nap!” Madi said, crossing her arms and furrowing her eyebrows together.

“Excuse me? That was the deal, kiddo. I let you stay up to see Raven when she got here, and you don’t fight me on taking a nap,” Clarke reminded her as they walked in the house. It was a fight they had daily and something someone once said about three years olds acting like _threenagers_ rang through her mind. But the days Clarke let her skip her nap were the days Madi barely finished dinner while whining the whole time and were definitely the days where they had the most tantrums. 

Plus, the things Clarke was planning on talking to Raven about were not for her little ears.

“Better listen to Auntie, Madi. I’m sure we’ll get time together soon,” Raven told her, setting her down on the living room floor. “Seriously, take naps while you can. When you get to be a boring grown up like me and Clarke, you don’t always have the time.”

Madi pouted and grunted her disapproval. “Fine,” she practically growled and stomped off towards the stairs. 

“Well, that’s going to be fun when she’s older,” Raven mumbled. Clarke sighed heavily and nodded, agreeing.

“Oh it’s _super_ fun already,” Clarke rolled her eyes. “Be right back.”

After getting Madi settled upstairs, Clarke flopped heavily next to Raven on the couch.

“So, how’s it going?” Raven asked, the smirk back in full force and Clarke could see it written all over her face. 

Clarke rolled her eyes. “Clearly you know. I don’t know _how_ you know, but clearly you do.”

Raven laughed. “Know what?” she tried to ask innocently.

Clarke shoved her, making her laugh harder. “About me and Bellamy?”

“That you two are into each other? Well, yeah, I mean, I’ve known that for, like, _ever_ ,” Raven shrugged. “Nice that you’re in the loop now, though.”

“Whatever. I mean, that we’re actually together now. Which, isn’t even why I called you.”

“Wait,” Raven said dramatically. “You and Blake? Together? That is brand new information!”

“Stop,” Clarke chuckled. “Seriously, why _isn’t_ this brand new information? How the hell do you know?”

Raven lifted an eyebrow at her. “Miller.”

“What?” Clarke asked, confused. Though, it wasn’t out of the realm of possibility that Bellamy told him. It wasn’t like she minded. Then, she remembered the cryptic text she’d gotten from Miller that morning.

“Miller sent out the bat signal,” she told Clarke, reading her mind. “The symbol that we all agreed to send out to the group when you two finally pulled your heads out of your asses. I had summer. You two knuckleheads seemed determined to stay in the dark,” she sighed.

“Sorry to disappoint?” Clarke teased. 

Raven waved her off. “You’re forgiven.”

“So if you knew this entire time that we were into each other, why didn’t you say something?” she asked, not really annoyed, since it unfolded the way she knew it was always supposed to. In all honesty, she'd rather hear it first from Bellamy and not Raven anyway. 

She shrugged. “Well, first of all, I’m not _that_ nosy,” Raven insisted, but off of the disbelieving look Clarke gave her, relented. “Okay, fine, maybe I am. And I sort of did in the beginning? But with everything you’re going through, I figured you’d realize it when you were ready.” Clarke hummed in understanding, giving her friend a small smile. “Now, what’s going on? I assume this is about Finn,” Raven asked, sticking a leg under her so she could face Clarke full on. 

Clarke mimicked her position and started in with the roses and notes, leading to the incident that got Finn arrested a week ago and why she’d had to go give a statement on Monday. Some of it she knew already, like the constant texting after the run in at the store. Raven’s demeanor grew more and more frustrated as Clarke talked, eyebrows furrowing, knuckles cracking, breath hitching. 

“That fucker. If he comes _near_ this house, I’m gonna kill him.”

Clarke snorted. “Yeah, I think you’ll need to fight Bellamy for that privilege.” Then she added, “Assuming I don’t kick his ass myself.”

Raven grinned. “That’s my girl.” 

“So what’s going on with you lately?” Clarke asked, wanting to get off the subject of Finn. The incident had been told and now she just wanted to move on.

She bit her lip and looked off to the side. “I, uh… I broke up with Shaw.”

While not entirely a surprise, she knew Raven had been wrestling with the decision for a while. “How’re you? How’s he?”

Raven shrugged. “I’m ok. I mean, I’m the one that did the breaking, right? I miss him, though. I do. It’s stupid, but I got used to having him around. But that’s not enough of a reason to stay in a relationship that I’m not into anymore. He’s great, but there’s just something missing.” Clarke reached out and gripped her friend’s hand, and Raven looked at her appreciatively. “And he’s… I think he understood, or he was bullshitting me and saying he was anyway. Wants some space.”

“Well, that’s probably to be expected,” Clarke said softly. 

Raven nodded. “I know. So…” she huffed. “Speaking of exes… how did Cillian react this week at school after everything? Does he know that you’re dating Bellamy now? Or does the principal? Are you going to have to tell Diyoza? Awkward.”

Clarke breathed deep. It was yet another thing that she and Bellamy hadn’t discussed yet. They seemed to have an unwritten agreement not to act much differently on school grounds, for professionalism sake, but since they _were_ co-workers, that was definitely something they were going to have to own up to or declare or _something_. She wasn’t exactly sure how Diyoza would react. 

It wasn’t something she’d ever considered with Cillian. Again, something that should’ve tipped her off to how much she shouldn’t have been with him, like when she’d avoided telling her parents. 

“No, Diyoza doesn’t know. I haven’t really thought about the fact that we’ll need to tell her yet, honestly. School was insane this week, getting ready for the trip. Another reason why I haven’t seen Cillian really either. Although, we _did_ have one run-in where he found me and Bellamy together. Not doing anything inappropriate but it was clear we were together. He said a bunch of bullshit about how I don’t wait long and how his having to leave for his new job early because of the fight was _my_ fault.”

“Asshole. Didn’t you just say that technically _he_ broke up with _you_?” Clarke nodded. “Ugh.”

Clarke was endlessly grateful that the only time spent with Cillian was just over a month, a waste, nonetheless, but maybe not entirely pointless. If anything, it helped her to realize who she _did_ actually want. 

And now had. 

Her mind drifted off again to Bellamy, and apparently her head drifted too, because soon Raven was waving a hand in front of her face. 

“Yoo hoo? Earth to Clarke?” Raven asked humorously. “Did Bellamy’s lips all of a sudden give you x-ray vision or something and you can actually see him through that wall you’re staring so intently at?”

Clarke swiveled her gaze back. “Hilarious. No, it did not. Sorry,” she added.

Raven just laughed. “So how was it? The kiss? Was it just one? Or more? Or _more_?” she asked obviously. 

“There’s been quite a few,” Clarke admitted, a stupid smile forcing it’s way onto her expression. “But no _more_. Not yet.”

Raven chuckled again. “Hmm, well, not that I wanted to hear about Blake’s sex life anyway.”

The two of them talked for about an hour more before Raven declared she needed to get going. “I’ll let you get back to your… staring. Gotta go check on the shop anyway. Sinclair is coming in next week and I want to have all my ducks in a row. Also, Jasper’s hunk of junk is back.” Clarke laughed and saw her friend out. “Say hi to Madi for me. One of these days I’m gonna have to steal her from you for the day.”

“I think she’d like that. Thanks, Rae.”

Raven just winked and then bounded towards her motorcycle, leaving Clarke to try her hardest not to think about the fire that ignited low even just _thinking_ about _more_.

***

Bellamy spent most of his morning grading papers, and planning out his lessons for the next week. They would leave on their New York trip soon and there were certain places he wanted to be in the textbook before they did. The exhibit they were going to see was one of his favorites - Greek and Roman art. His friends would call him a nerd but he preferred to think of it as _well-informed_.

With maybe a _slight_ nerd-ish bent. Slight.

He heard Raven’s bike pull up, something that she rode as often as possible once the weather started getting nicer. It was sunny but chilly today again, but even just looking out his window to the beams of light shining on his grass, reflecting off the various wildflowers starting to bloom and bring color to the neighborhood, the sky as blue as could be… he could almost feel the warmth. 

A thought occurred to him as he looked on, and by the time Raven was getting ready to leave an hour later, his plan was pretty solidified in his mind and he started getting really excited. He opened his door as Raven approached her bike, stopping when she heard him. 

“Hey Blake,” she greeted as she approached him, her helmet tucked under one arm and her ponytail swishing behind her. “So… what’s new?” she asked pointedly.

“Very funny. I was there when Miller sent the message,” he scoffed, not sure whether to be grateful or annoyed that Miller told all their friends. It wasn’t exactly in his nature to overshare and he knew everyone was going to be making a big deal out of it anyway, screeches and hollers and jumping and while he was (obviously) excited about being with Clarke too, he still didn’t like being the center of attention. Though, Clarke deserved to be. “Since I’m on his delinquents group list, I actually got it too,” he told her. 

Raven let out a bark of laughter and he rolled his eyes. “Yah, so did she,” she told him, nodding her head back towards Clarke’s house. “She was super confused though.” Raven chuckled. “I’m just annoyed Miller knew before I did.”

“Well, a lot went on this week. We didn’t even really - ” he said, nervously rubbing the back of his neck, though he couldn’t really figure out what to be anxious about. “We didn’t even really talk about it ourselves until last night.”

Raven smirked. “Not much to talk about. Just glad you two idiots are finally on the same page.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

She narrowed her eyes. “What does that mean?”

“Well, I mean, we’re _together_ , but we, uh, I, um, haven’t actually told her - ”

“ - that you’re in love with her?” Raven guessed.

_Ah_ , he realized. That’s what he was feeling nervous about. Bellamy just hoped his plan worked out and he’d get a chance to tell her. He didn’t want to overwhelm her and he wasn’t sure exactly how this relationship would go, or how into it she actually was yet, but he wanted her to know he loved her. Even if she wasn’t all the way there, Clarke deserved to know.

“I swear to - ” Raven exhaled a huff of breath and shook her head. “Well _are_ you going to tell her?”

“That’s what I came out here for, actually. I - and stop me _please_ if this is stupid - was thinking of taking her out. Tomorrow. If she has time. And you know, _wants_ to. Just the two of us.”

Raven grinned then, all hints of sarcasm gone. It was rare, but it was also how Bellamy knew she was being genuine. “And you want me to watch the kid?”

“Well, that’s up to Clarke, but I figured you would be the one she would ask, so I wanted to just make sure you were free? And uh, again, that my idea isn’t ridiculous.”

He laid out what he was planning and watched as Raven listened intently, searching her face for any indication that what he was saying was indeed ludicrous. For all intents and purposes, this would be his and Clarke’s first date and he didn’t want her to think it was childish. She cocked one eyebrow up when he finished and finally gave her opinion. 

“Fuck, Blake. Who knew you had it in you?” 

He rolled his eyes. “So it’s good?”

“Yeah,” she said, smacking his shoulder. “It’s real good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay fluffy snuggly Bellarke!
> 
> And a glimpse of Jake and Abby!
> 
> Any guesses on the date?! I had SO MUCH FUN writing it, though I ended up having to split it into two chapters. I'm hoping to get both out within only a few days of each other so you won't have to wait too long. But it ended up being too long so I had to split it.
> 
> Love you all!


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, finally! Chapter 15! And Chapter 16, as promised will be up in a couple of days... Friday is what I'm shooting for. This date got too far away from me and way too long, so I needed to chop it into two different chapters, but I don't want to leave you hanging for too long, so bonus chapter!
> 
> Thanks for all the love and all the endless amounts of patience you have for me! ❤
> 
> Also, if you notice, I added a tentative end chapter count, now that I'm just about done with writing Chapter 19. I THINK I need to have about 23 chapters to finish off the final arc I'm on, but that could change since we all know how long-winded I am lol. But I wanted to at least give everyone my best guess.

Bellamy waited by the fence for Raven to get on her bike and ride away, the roaring engine dying as she got farther and farther. And when there wasn’t anything left for him to stall with, he took a deep breath and decided to just bite the bullet. 

He couldn't believe how nervous he was as he approached Clarke’s porch and Bellamy wondered if he’d ever be able to get himself under control at even the idea of being around her. He’d been doing so well these months of pushing it all aside, of forcing himself to act normal and now that he knew what it was like to hold her, to kiss her, to be allowed to look into her eyes without having to hide how he felt, it was like a dam had broken and she was the water that washed over him. 

Or some nerdish shit like that.

He knocked with one hand while he ran the other over his neck. The door flew open and Clarke put a firm hand on his chest, gripping the fabric of his sweatshirt and pulled him inside. He stumbled a bit over the threshold, having to reach out and instinctively put a hand on her waist to steady himself. 

“Whoa, what’s going on?” he asked, alarmed.

“Madi is sleeping and she was a crankpot before she went down and _so help me_ if your knocking woke her up…” Clarke warned, but his hand was still at her waist, his fingers having - accidentally, he swore - slipped under her shirt a bit, and her hand was still at his chest so he didn’t really care much about any threats she was currently making towards him. 

He swallowed heavily, his fingers flinching a bit, but remaining where they were. “Sorry,” he managed to get out, but she was flushed and soft and so damn _beautiful_ he was having trouble breathing. 

She grinned widely and her eyes dropped for half a second to his lips before they flickered back up to his eyes. The blues in her irises were bright and sparkling and he had just barely registered them darkening slightly before she used her grip on his sweatshirt to pull him towards her once again, but this time she caught his forward momentum with her lips.

Bellamy responded immediately, his body catching on quicker than his head and he slid his hand around her waist to her back, his fingers splayed on the bare skin over her spine. So much softer than he ever imagined, warm, and he was intoxicated on the idea that he might get lucky enough one day to be able to explore every inch.

This kiss was different from the others, less exploratory and hesitant and more… _hungry_. Insistent. And other words that escaped his mind because once she opened her mouth to deepen the kiss his mind went completely blank save for the way his senses went on overdrive. 

He kicked the door shut behind him without breaking his hold on her, though she pulled back enough to chastise him with an admonishing _sshhh_. He responded by smiling wide and nodding, her own lips pulling up at the corners and there was nothing he wanted more in that moment than to taste it.

So he did.

Bellamy’s grip on her was tight, and unrelenting, and though they were already pressed together, with only Clarke’s hand between them, his sweatshirt still in her fist, he could feel her tugging him closer still. Like she couldn’t get enough of him, like he couldn’t of her. 

He moved experimentally, shifting one foot forward and subsequently nudging one of hers back until they were walking clumsily towards the couch, falling incredibly ungracefully over the arm. 

“Shit, I’m - ” he began, about to apologize for squishing her, since she was pinned beneath him, but she put a finger to his lips and shook her head. 

“Never apologize for that,” she whispered breathlessly.

He nodded quickly. “Noted,” he responded, and ducked back down to kiss her again.

He worked to adjust them so they could be slightly more comfortable, limbs and arms and hands still wedged between and underneath their bodies. But eventually he gave up and leaned into the awkwardness, as did she, unwilling they both seemed to be with doing anything that was related to stopping for the moment. 

Bellamy’s mind barely registered the fact that he’d come over for a specific reason, with the goal of asking Clarke out tomorrow, his request on pause while he emptied his body of all it’s oxygen. 

When his lungs finally begged too incessantly for air, he left her lips, smirking at her own gasp for breath when he did so. His lips never left her though, sucking in the needed oxygen in between trailing kisses across her jawline until he reached her ear, kissing the soft spot just behind the shell. It elicited a whimper from her that would forever be etched permanently in his memory. 

He wondered what other noises he could pull out of her that he’d never heard before. 

His lips tracked a series of kisses down her neck, sucking a little at her pulse point, pounding away with the rhythm of her heartbeat. His fingers gripped her waist with one hand as he propped himself up to relieve some of his weight with his other arm. Her fingers dug into his back, flexing and raking with each kiss he placed on a sensitive spot. He automatically noted each one, as he was sure the information would come in handy next time. 

_Next time._

The idea that this was not the only time he’d ever be kissing Clarke like this renewed his efforts, and soon, he was at her collarbone, headed south before he forced himself to stop before going too far and returning to her lips. He slowed his intensity, before the wildfire threatened to consume them completely.

He lifted his head up and away, gazing down at the perfect pink of her cheeks, the slight swell of her lips, and her chest heaving in time with his own. 

“Hey,” she said softly. 

“Hey yourself. Is that how I can expect to be greeted every time I knock on that door?” he asked with a smirk. 

“Shut up.”

“I think you shut me up well enough,” he chuckled, enjoying teasing her far too much. 

She pushed at his chest until she was sitting with one of her legs tucked under her and one on his lap, which he draped his arms over to keep in place. “You’re so obnoxious,” she told him in jest. He brought one hand up to the side of her head and held her eyes to his. 

“And you’re amazing.”

Her breath hitched. “You shouldn't say things like that. I’m already - ” she started, but cut herself off.

He narrowed his eyes. “Why not? I mean it. It’s not like I haven’t thought that about you for months now.”

She grinned sheepishly. “Yeah?”

He nodded, and his thumb traced over her lips. “There’s a lot of thoughts that I’ve had about you for months now.”

She hummed a little and he could practically see the wheels in her head turning over and over, trying to figure out what other things he might’ve meant. He leaned forward to softly kiss her lips again, unable to help himself. Clarke made a little contented noise as he pulled back. 

Clarke laid her head down on the back of the couch as he pulled his sweatshirt up over his head, his skin feeling tremendously overheated now. Clarke smirked at him.

“What?” he asked defensively. “It’s a little warm in here.” 

“Sure,” she placated, chuckling a little. “So how was your morning?” she asked, stretching around him to grab the discard sweatshirt. She pulled it down over her own head, despite it being more than a little too big for her. She burrowed into it, sighing contently as she settled back into the couch. He shook his head and smiled, his chest flooding with warmth and affection, partially still in disbelief that they were doing this.

However, the sight of her in his clothing was enough to make him completely forget her question. “Um, what?” he asked, no good way to get around that fact that he couldn't remember what she’d just said. 

She smirked again, but let the slip past without comment. “I asked about your morning.”

“Right,” he exhaled. “Boring. Just school stuff. Trying to get lessons planned and papers graded before we leave,” he told her. “You?”

“Good. Raven came over, which went well. She broke up with Shaw.”

He clicked his tongue. “Bummer, she ok?” 

Clarke nodded. “Yeah, I think so. Ends of relationships always suck. But she’s dealing. I think it just wasn’t right.”

“Yeah. Some just aren’t meant to last…” he trailed off, thinking of Clarke and Cillian and how grateful he was that theirs wasn’t the one that lasted. His and Clarke’s would, though. He could feel it. Which reminded him of the reason he’d come over in the first place. “So, speaking of those relationships that are right, I was thinking that it might be fun if we went somewhere to do… something.” _Real smooth._

Clarke grinned. “‘Went somewhere to do something’? Bellamy Blake are you asking me out on a date?”

He groaned. “I’m _trying_ to, anyway. Not doing a great job, though.”

“Oh, I don’t know. I think you’re doing fine,” she murmured, her fingers at the back of his neck now, playing with the nape of his hair. It was soothing and sent tingles down his spine, his eyes closing involuntarily. She laughed softly and used her nails to scratch lightly, making the feeling even more intense. “Noted,” she added softly, clearly noticing his not-so-subtle reactions to her ministrations. “So what were you saying?”

“Ahh, right. I have an idea. Somewhere I want to take you,” he told her, looking at her again. “Tomorrow, maybe?”

“Sounds good. I’ll see if Raven can watch Madi. She promised her some special time just the two of them anyway.”

He was glad he’d checked with Raven as she’d left earlier, and his mind began to buzz with planning, making a mental checklist of the things he’d need to pack so he wouldn't forget anything.

“So do I get to know where we’re going? Or is it a surprise?” Clarke asked, lifting her eyebrows.

“A surprise definitely.”

“Any hints though? Do I dress up or dress down? Warm clothes?”

“Well, considering you’re _always_ cold,” he teased, tugging on the string of the sweatshirt’s hood playfully. “It wouldn’t hurt to dress warmly. And comfortable.”

He wasn’t getting the sweatshirt back, he knew that. Not that he wanted it. It looked infinitely better on her anyway.

She laughed, a carefree, eye-crinkling, giggly sort of sound that he loved and could listen to for the rest of his life. It was mind-boggling, how committed he was to this, considering the short amount of time that they’d even known each other. But she was everything he ever wanted and everything he hadn’t known he needed. There was a distinctively _whole_ feeling he got every time he was with her or thought of her, reminding him of when he’d realized how in love with her he was just a few short weeks ago. He didn’t want to love anyone but her for the rest of his life. 

And he hadn’t even told her any of that yet.

A sound came from the stairs, obviously Madi waking up from her nap. The two of them adjusted their position on the couch, clearly under some sort of understanding that they needed to take things slow with Madi, ease her into it. He hoped she wouldn’t object to it, even though they got along really well. Madi loved him, he knew that, but it was a different situation entirely if he was actually dating Clarke instead of just her friend.

He did notice that Clarke didn’t bother taking the sweatshirt off though. 

Madi clunked down the stairs noisily and he and Clarke both exchanged a confused look at the noise. A few moments later they caught sight of the little girl, dressed in one of her princess dresses, and donning her dress up heels. She had her bunny and blankie clutched in one arm as she steadied herself with the other on the banister. Her eyes were still partially shut.

Clarke chuckled. “Silly girl, what are you wearing?” 

Madi yawned sleepily, coming to stand in front of the couch, holding out her arms to be picked up. Clarke obliged, and Madi tucked herself into Clarke’s chest. “I wanted to be a princess.”

“I can see that. Very pretty,” Clarke commented, very clearly trying not to laugh. The dress was backwards, obviously having been put on when Madi was still groggy after having woken up. 

“Where this come from?” Madi asked, tracing the faded words on his old sweatshirt.

“Well,” Clarke started, exchanging another look with Bellamy. “I was cold and Bellamy shared his jacket with me,” she told the girl. He grinned over Madi’s head and mouthed _shared?_

Clarke shrugged dismissively. 

“Hmm, can I have one too?” the little girl asked sweetly.

He laughed and his heart melted. “How about I look through O’s old things and see if I can find one of hers you can have? Might fit you better?” Octavia was always so small, and while it would obviously still be too big for Madi, it’d fit her better than any of his. 

Madi nodded and burrowed into Clarke even further. “Well, I think I’ll leave you two to the rest of your day,” he said, getting up to go. Bellamy leaned over to kiss Clarke’s cheek softly, and gave Madi one on top of her head. “See you tomorrow?”

Clarke nodded, smiling wide. “See you tomorrow.”

***

Clarke had no idea what Bellamy had planned, but really they could spend the entire afternoon driving around or going through a car wash or grocery shopping and she’d be happy. She loved spending time with him, sharing her life with him. They’d done all those things before, as friends, but there was something different about actually being in a romantic relationship with him that just made everything _better_.

She hadn’t _meant_ to jump him the way she had, but after her conversation with Raven, and him being there looking… like he did, she didn’t think it through, she just… _jumped_.

He was soft and sweet and intense and passionate and all the things she’d imagined him being, the rare times she’d allowed her mind to wander, and she looked forward to the many more times they’d get the opportunity to explore that new side of their relationship. 

It was as natural as breathing, being with him like that. Even the awkward moments, the times when they’d clash teeth or bend a wrist the wrong way, or their noses got in the way, those moments felt natural and she wasn’t embarrassed or self-conscious. Not with Bellamy. For lack of a better term, he made her feel like she could fly, the way he looked at her full of belief and encouragement. 

Saturday came and went fairly mundanely after that, she spent some time working on school stuff, as Bellamy had earlier that day. Begrudgingly, if only because it was hard to focus the rest of the day after Bellamy’s visit. Images and the memory of his hands on her skin kept distracting her. Soon, she abandoned any hope of getting actual work done and pulled out her sketch pad to draw contently while Madi colored in one of her coloring books. It was a quiet afternoon, but it was the kind that she loved. 

Her video call with Octavia had been postponed, and it wasn’t until mid-morning Sunday when her phone finally lit up with a picture O had sent her a couple weeks ago, one of her sillily pretending to be one of the statues at the Trevi fountain. 

“Madi, O’s calling, you want to come say hi?”

Madi hopped up off the floor where she’d been building towers out of Mega Bloks, a whole city erupting from her imagination, and hustled over to climb up on Clarke’s lap. Clarke clicked _answer_ and her friend popped up on the screen, with the image of her and Madi in a smaller screen in the upper corner.

Octavia shrieked excitedly, “Madi! Clarke! It’s so good to see you guys!”

“Hi Otavia!” Madi waved, a little shyly, but friendly still. She knew of Octavia and had talked to her on many occasions, but most of what she knew of Octavia was mostly from over the phone and stories she or Bellamy had told her. To Madi, Octavia was still a bit of a stranger, even if she’d been there when Madi was born. Clarke couldn’t wait for her friend to come home from Italy so the two of them could bond even further.

“Hey, O,” Clarke smiled. “How’s Italy? Still beautiful and incredible?” she asked rhetorically. When was Italy not completely breathtaking?

“Auntie, can I go back to my city?” Madi asked, twisting to look at Clarke.

“Sure, baby. Go for it.”

Madi hopped off her lap and took a few steps before stopping and turning. “Bye, O!” she waved. 

“See you later Madi girl.”

Clarke turned to face the phone, giving Octavia her full attention now and scooting back into the couch cushions. “So, Italy.”

“Right. Yeah, it’s really taken a dive, Clarke. Food is awful, people are rude and spiteful, and I mean, the monuments are like… blah,” Octavia teased in a way that was clear that it was the exact opposite.

“Oh good, so I’m not missing anything?”

“Totally. Oh! Hey, look who I just so happen to have with me… ta da!” Octavia said, turning the phone’s camera around to show a man, rolling his eyes.

“Uh, you must be Clarke,” the man said hesitantly. Clarke could hear O giggling behind the camera. 

“That’s me. Does that make you Lincoln?”

“Sure does. O has been begging me to join you guys on a call so she could introduce us. She’s been talking about all of you back in Arkadia non-stop, I’m glad I finally get to put a face to one of them.”

“Well, it’s very nice to meet you too,” Clarke told him. “I’ve heard… some very interesting things.”

“Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me,” he laughed. From her first impression, Lincoln looked hard, angry even, and intimidating. But his eyes and his tone and his words portrayed someone different - a kinder, friendlier version of the man under the hard exterior. “Good, I hope, though?” he asked, somewhat nervous, which Clarke found endearing.

She chuckled. “Oh yes, she’s quite smitten with you,” she told him and even through the phone, she could see Lincoln’s cheeks darken a little. 

“Well, the feeling is mutual,” he said, his eyes locked clearly with the girl holding the phone. Clarke caught the way he looked at O and could tell he was definitely telling the truth. 

“Okay, okay, intros over,” Octavia laughed, clicking the camera back around. Clarke noticed the smile that seemed permanently etched on her face. Lincoln mentioned that he’d meet up with her later for dinner and ducked around to kiss O’s cheek before waving goodbye to Clarke. Octavia watched him go, then snapped her gaze back to Clarke. “So?”

“Well I talked to him for like a literal second, but that man is completely in love with you.”

“He totally is,” she gushed. “It’s going so well, Clarke. We’re really happy. And it’s not just all you know cupcakes and rainbows, we’ve had disagreements and had to compromise and you know how hard forgiveness is for me, but I…” she trailed off, narrowing her eyes intensely. 

Clarke glanced behind her in instinct, trying to figure out what would’ve made her stop like that. “But you… what?”

Octavia didn’t answer at first, her eyes transitioning from slits to opening wide, like she’d just seen a ghost. “Clarke… I don’t really know how to ask this, without sounding… um…”

“Octavia, what is the matter with you?” Clarke started getting nervous, like she was just about to be asked to be in her and Lincoln’s wedding or something, not that it would’ve necessarily surprised her at this point, but still.

“Are you… are you wearing my brother’s hoodie?”

Clarke froze, the confused look plastered on her face. Then her breathing went from non-existent to heavy in record time. She’d completely forgotten she’d put his sweatshirt back on that morning when she woke up, almost anxious to see if Bellamy’s deep, woodsy scent was still lingering in the fibers. 

“Just say no, or like, all of yours got ruined, so you needed his before you froze to death or something. Anything to keep my mind from jumping to a conclusion like you two are hooking up.”

“Oh my - no!” she said hurriedly, glancing at Madi quickly to see if she was listening to the conversation. When she was satisfied, she turned back to finish explaining. “We are not hooking up…” she sighed, “...yet.”

“Ah Clarke!”

“Okay, okay, I wasn’t - I figured Bellamy would… we are...” she stumbled. She was more nervous than she’d expected to be - she really didn’t want Octavia to object to the relationship.

“You two are together though? Like, in a real relationship?”

Clarke felt like her instinct should be to hesitate, to take a moment before answering or be vague and non-descript. But it wasn’t. Instead, her instincts told her to say, very simply, “Yes.”

A beat of silence, where she felt like she could see the wheels turning over and over in her friend’s head. Clarke waited patiently. Her and Bellamy’s relationship was their own, and they were happy. It was right, and no matter what -

“Okay.”

Clarke watched as Octavia shrugged like it was no big deal. “Okay?” Clarke clarified slowly. 

“Well, yeah. I mean, now that I think about it, I can’t say I’m surprised. You should hear how you talk about him. I kind of figured it was coming sooner or later. And now - ” Octavia stopped, something coming to her mind. “ _Now_ I’ve got something to tease him about!”

“Uh, O…”

“ _And_ I’ve got some decent leverage for when I tell him Lincoln is coming to Arkadia for the summer…”

“Okay, O...”

“No, this is good. He seemed exceptionally giddy when we spoke last week. Now I know why. It’s been a _long_ time since he’s had that tone and dammit I should’ve known...” Octavia’s smile was back, and Clarke felt relieved.

She chuckled and shook her head. Clarke had a feeling she was in for a lifetime of sibling rivalry and she should probably just learn to keep her nose out of it early on.

_Lifetime._

The thought had come quickly and naturally, but was much too much of an enormous concept to contemplate at that particular moment.

“Okay, O, as much as I’ve enjoyed this third degree, I’m going to have to get ready soon - ”

“Ready?”

“ - ready soon. Bell is taking me somewhere,” Clarke told her. She was tempted to ask Octavia for advice, since she probably knew her brother best and where he might want to take her. Clarke was intrigued, to say the least, about this mysterious plan of his. But while the curious part of her was going strong, there was also a not insignificant part that very much wanted it to go the way he intended. And she didn’t want to spoil his surprise. He seemed nervous, and excited, and it was infectious. “So quickly, tell me about your photo shoot last week. The one you were nervous about because it was actually _in_ the water?”

“Right! Oh Clarke, it was so beautiful, the breeze, the lighting, seriously it was gorgeous. But then some asshole tripped over my stuff and busted up my tripod…” she began and once Clarke got her going, there was no stopping. Not that she minded, she really loved hearing about O’s photography adventures. She was really talented and it was an art form that Clarke wasn’t the best at, but admired greatly. Maybe if O was around past the start of the next school year, she’d have Octavia come in as a guest speaker and do a workshop with her art students.

A half hour later, Clarke glanced at the clock, seeing that Raven would be there soon. She bid goodbye to Octavia, trying not to laugh too heartily when Octavia forced herself to tell Clarke to _have fun._ And she tried, she really did, not to wink at her and assure her that they would. She tried, but she failed on that count, and was grateful that Madi wasn't watching the video when O flipped her off for it.

\-----------------------------

“Yes, that one. Definitely,” Raven nodded insistently. She was perched on Clarke’s bed, legs crossed and Madi in her lap.

“Are you sure? Isn’t it a little _too_ casual?” Clarke frowned down at herself. It was only the third outfit, but she was being ridiculously indecisive as usual, so she called the girls in for their opinion. 

“You look pretty, Auntie,” Madi said bashfully. 

Clarke’s shoulders sagged. “Thank you sweet girl,” she told her, touching the girl’s chin. “Okay, well, since I’m out-numbered 2-1, I guess this is it,” Clarke announced standing straight up. She was wearing a plaid flannel button-up dress with a belt, black leggings, and ankle boots. She quickly grabbed a jean jacket out of her closet to finish it, folding the sleeves back once. She adjusted her hair so it wasn’t trapped in her jacket. She’d opted for keeping her hair down in their natural waves. She huffed a little and spread her arms out wide. “Good?”

Raven nodded. “He’s gonna love it. ‘Course, you could probably go without any - ” Raven began, wiggling her eyebrows.

Clarke held up a hand. “Yeah, I got it… and thank you.” She was overthinking it, like usual, she knew that. And Bellamy wasn’t so vain that if he didn’t like something she was wearing, his feelings for her would disappear. But still, it was nice to hear Raven’s opinion too. 

“Where you going, Auntie?”

Clarke sat next to them on the bed. She took a deep breath. She had thought about whether to talk to Bellamy about it first, what she was going to say to Madi, but she knew he would say that the decision on how much to tell the little girl would be up to her. Raven was watching her intently, probably wondering how Clarke was going to broach it.

“Well, like I told you, I’m going out with Bellamy.”

Madi scrunched her face, considering her next question. “Why? I wanna come.”

Clarke smiled and put a few fingers to Madi’s chin. “And I _love_ it when you come with us. And Bellamy loves it too. But this time it’s just going to be the two of us, okay?”

Madi nodded, though Clarke wasn’t sure how much she was comprehending. “Can I go next time?”

Clarke laughed. “I’m sure we will take you with us sometimes too. But there are going to be times when Bellamy and I spend time just us too.”

“And I stay with Raven?”

Clarke chuckled. “Yeah, or Harper and Monty, or - ”

“Murphy! Do I get to go to the pizza place?”

“Sure, kiddo, I bet they’d love to have you there too.”

Madi tapped her chin with her little finger. Then she shrugged and wiggled until she was on the floor. “Okay. Come see my dollhouse Raven!” she requested, tugging on Raven’s hand.

“Of course. Which doll do I get to be?”

“Moana!”

“Oh I like her. Sounds good,” she agreed, letting herself be pulled away, giving Clarke an amused look as she left.

However, their trip to Madi’s room was interrupted by the door opening downstairs, and Bellamy’s low voice making it’s way up to them.

“Hey, anybody home?”

Clarke’s stomach instantly dropped. This was stupid, she shouldn’t feel like this - this was _Bellamy_. But still, the anticipation was heightened anyway.

“Bellamy!” Madi yelled, a blur as she ran for the stairs. Raven came to stand next to Clarke, arms folded. 

“Guess we know who her favorite is,” Raven feigned offense.

“Yeah, sometimes I think she likes him even more than me,” she chuckled as they made their way to the stairs. 

Clarke’s heart felt like it was beating a hundred miles an hour as they descended. Bellamy’s back was to them, Madi propped on his hip, tickling the little girl incessantly. 

“Hey Blake,” Raven smirked, drawing his attention around to them. 

If her heart was pounding before, now it had stopped, the image of him laughing with her kid, the sparkle in his eyes and grin that only got wider when he locked eyes with Clarke. He was dressed about as simply as she was, making her feel better about her final choice of outfit. But he was still insanely handsome, as he always was. 

“Look, Auntie! Otavia’s sweatshirt! Like you!” Madi exclaimed, holding up a navy blue pile of fabric in her arms.

“That’s great, baby,” she affirmed, her eyes shifting back over to Bellamy.

“Hi,” he breathed towards her. “You look great.”

Clarke tried to say something similar, but the words kept getting caught in her throat. 

Raven leaned over and elbowed her, almost making her lose her balance. “Breathe, Griff.”

“Right,” Clarke swallowed. She made her way over to him. “Thanks.”

He smirked at her, and shifted Madi to his other hip so he could put a hand on the small of Clarke’s back and lean over, giving her a quick peck on the cheek. Madi giggled when he did so, prompting Clarke to poke her in the belly.

“And what do you think you're laughing at, goofy girl?” she inquired. 

“That was silly,” Madi giggled. “Like what Otavia’s boyfriend did.”

Clarke choked on absolutely nothing. And by the way Bellamy’s thumb had stilled it’s motions on her back, he wasn’t having any easier of a time.

“Oh boy,” she heard Raven mumble from where she stood at the foot of the stairs. 

“Wh - what did you just say Mads?” Bellamy managed.

“You saw that, hmm?” Clarke asked, surprised to hear her own voice. Madi nodded and giggled again. Clarke turned her face to Bellamy. “We had a video call earlier with O and we got to meet Lincoln. Madi was playing with some blocks nearby, and I didn’t know she’d seen that.” Clarke wondered if there was anything else the girl had picked up on during the conversation that Clarke hadn’t realized. 

“So are you _Auntie’s_ boyfriend, Bellamy?” Madi asked in her sweet, little, brutally honest toddler way. 

Bellamy glanced between the two of them, his eyes landing on Clarke, clearly looking for guidance. Clarke breathed deep and smiled encouragingly at him. After all, she meant what she said when she told him she trusted him. If he was ready to commit to this, so was she. He wasn’t going to hurt either one of them. 

Bellamy’s features relaxed and he turned his gaze back to the girl on his hip. “Um, would that be okay with you? If - if I was?”

Madi shrugged indifferently. “I guess so.”

Clarke had tried to explain it in terms of Wells and Glass the day before when they’d talked about who Lincoln was to Octavia, but still, the notion of Bellamy and Clarke being in a romantic versus platonic relationship was not going to be something a three year old would truly understand at this point.

Bellamy chuckled a little. “Then, yeah, I am.”

“Okie dokie,” Madi said, shrugging her shoulders like it was no big deal, which Clarke was sort of grateful for. But then - “So does that mean you guys getting married?” she asked and Clarke's entire body flushed bright red. Bellamy’s eyes were wide as they exchanged a bewildered look. 

“Um, what? Why would you ask that?” Clarke managed swallowing heavily. She could see Raven trying not to completely lose herself in a fit of laughter from where she stood watching the whole thing by the couch.

“Because you said.”

Bellamy’s lips twitched and Clarke started shaking her head. “When did I say that?” she asked, her voice strained.

Madi rolled her eyes, clearly exasperated that Clarke didn't remember. “Oh my goodness, Auntie Clarke. When you tell me about Otavia’s boyfriend and how Mommy and Daddy got married.”

Clarke sighed and blew out a huff of breath. “Right. That’s how I explained to you what a boyfriend was earlier. That before your mom and dad got married, they were boyfriend and girlfriend,” she clarified to Bellamy and Raven. Bellamy just shook his head and grinned.

“Right. Makes sense.”

Madi wiggled to get put down and the second her feet hit the floor, she turned to Raven, messily brushing her hair back from her face. “Raven! Dollhouse!” she commanded, forgetting all about her original question about Clarke and Bellamy getting married, which Clarke was eternally grateful for. 

That was one question she wasn’t sure how to answer and she didn’t want to offend Bellamy either way. It wasn’t that she wasn’t sure she’d want to spend her life with him, but it was a big question that they hadn’t talked about yet - she hadn’t even told him she loved him, let alone whether she was planning on marrying him.

Raven stood up straight from where she’d been leaning against the back of the couch, nosily watching the exchange that just happened. “Yes, ma’m! Lead the way!” Madi pointed at the stairs and Raven began to follow. She turned back to face Clarke and Bellamy, walking backwards. “Have fun, you two. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” she winked. “Then again…”

“Come on,” Clarke told Bellamy and she saw him roll his eyes at their friend, and then turned with her towards the door, his hand still on her back, and reached for the knob as Clarke slung her bag over her shoulder. 

“You ready?” he asked, an eyebrow raised. “You never know where I could be taking you…” he teased. “Maybe a wedding chapel,” he suggested, barely containing a laugh. 

She grinned anyway and shrugged. “I guess I’ll just have to trust you.”

***

Bellamy side-glanced quickly at the woman sitting next to him in the truck. Part of him was still in disbelief that this was actually happening and he wasn’t sure if he’d ever actually come to terms with the fact that this wasn’t just some elaborate dream. And he’d wake up in his bed, alone, in love with the girl next door, who saw him as just a friend.

As if she could read his mind, her gaze swung to his and it was all he could do to keep his eyes on the road. But he felt her reach to the center console to put one of her hands over his. His fingers twitched with the contact and he flipped his hand around to intertwine their fingers. Bellamy very intently kept his focus on the road in front of him, but he couldn’t help the twitch of his lips, quirking up in a grin. 

Her hand was cold, as it always was, and he hoped that her jean jacket would be enough to keep her warm. His heart beat a little faster at the idea that if it wasn’t, he’d have to step in and help with that. Holding her in his arms always messed with his pulse. 

Murphy had helped him get set up earlier, since he wasn’t going to be able to make the trip out there and be back with enough time to pick up Clarke when he told her he would. His friend had made far less jokes than he’d anticipated, but still couldn’t help ribbing Bellamy at the moments he just couldn’t resist. He’d promised to look after everything until Bellamy and Clarke got there. 

And sure enough, there he was in the small clearing at the entrance when they pulled up, leaning against his car, arms folded, a shit-eating grin plastered across his face. 

“What is Murphy doing here?” Clarke asked, clearly curious. He could feel the nervous and excited energy radiating off of her the entire ride over, but to his surprise, she hadn’t asked for even a hint or a clue as to what he had planned. 

“Oh now you wanna know?” he asked, unclicking his seatbelt. 

She shook her head and smacked his shoulder. “Well let’s just say that in the long list of things I thought you’d come up with, Murphy joining us was definitely… _nowhere_ on that list,” she laughed amusedly. “So, yeah, color me confused.”

He leaned over the center console quickly to put a hand to the side of her head and a kiss to her lips. It was a slow, purposeful kiss, one that he could feel each corner of her lips with his own. 

“Well, that’s one way to shut me up,” she grinned, biting her bottom lip a little.

“I’d never want to do that,” he protested, getting out of the car. He walked around to the other side to extend a hand to Clarke as she got out of her side and closed her door behind her. They approached Murphy, hand in hand. 

“Hey, Murph, thanks for helping with this.”

He eyed their joined hands and huffed. “No problem. No one’s around, so you’re good. And for the record, even though I expected this from literally the first day you two met each other, seeing that,” he gestured to their hand. “And _that_ ,” he said, gesturing to their kiss in the car, “ - will never not be weird.”

“Yeah, I don’t really care,” Clarke shrugged. “You’ll just have to get used to it.”

He squeezed her hand lightly and smirked at Murphy. “You heard the woman,” he agreed, and felt Clarke’s responding squeeze. 

Murphy pushed off his car and started walking towards the driver’s side door. “Yeah, this team-up is gonna get real old, real fast,” he chuckled. “Well, you two kids have fun.”

He waved out the window at them as he passed, and then it was just the two of them again. 

“So ‘no one around’?” Clarke asked, repeating what Murphy said. “Should I actually be nervous that you’ve taken me all the way out here just to kill me?” 

Bellamy let out a bark of laughter. “This would be quite the elaborate way to do that.”

“Hmm,” she hummed suspiciously, stepping closer anyway and his arm instantly slung around her shoulders and brought her into his side. She looked up at him and smiled, and he swore that the sun got brighter when she did.

He started leading them down the small trail, the two of them in content silence, enjoying just being able to exist together without any rush or deadlines or place to be at any specific time. For the millionth time, he realized just how right and natural it was to be with her like this. 

Eventually they passed the tree that he’d marked when he was little and his mother had taken him and O here. This was just outside Arkadia city limits and he’d been back countless times as he grew up, but always alone, or with O. Well, technically now Murphy had seen it too. But never with someone like Clarke. The thought had crossed his mind, with Gina, with Roma, but something held him back, keeping him from sharing it with anyone else. Octavia and his mother never pushed, never asked why or made fun of him, accepting that this was his safe place. 

And now he wanted, _needed_ to share this part of him with Clarke. 

It was always going to be with Clarke Griffin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know! I'm sorry I had to cut it there! The next one will be quick, promise, and is totally one of my favorites. 
> 
> Excited to hear your thoughts, thanks for being along this journey with me! Lots coming up still!
> 
> ❤


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go - second part of Bellarke date!
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

“Okay, so you can’t make fun of me,” Bellamy began. They stopped by the tree marking he’d made when he was a kid, and Clarke turned from against his side to face him head on. She had a confused look on her face, and understandably so - they _were_ in the middle of the woods after all. 

“I wouldn't dare,” she told him seriously. But then she gave him a sly grin. “But I can’t promise I won’t laugh. You bring it out in me,” she teased. He gave her a look and she put her hands up in surrender. “Okay, okay, no laughter. Or, at least, only the good kind.”

“Good. Because I don’t show this place to anybody,” he said, almost a mumble, quiet and barely moving his lips. “And I wanted to show it to you.” He was nervous for some reason, though he was still completely sure in bringing her to this place. 

Clarke’s head tipped up, seemingly understanding that this was important to him, and her teasing smiled dropped from her face to give way to something softer. “Go on,” she encouraged. 

“Okay. You remember the mural you painted on Madi’s wall?” It was a stupid question, because _obviously_ she remembered her own painting, but still, it was his way to intro it.

“Yeah, the flowers?”

“Mm hmm, and uh, okay, and here’s the cheesy part - you know how a guy usually gets a girl flowers when he picks her up?” he asked, starting to walk the last fifty feet. 

He knew after what happened with Finn that the subject of flowers might be a little dicey, but he also knew that she trusted him. And he knew she’d love this. He’d known the first time he saw the mural she’d painted. Back then, he should’ve figured it out - that there was a reason. He knew it now in any case, though he wished he would’ve gotten there a little faster.

“Sure…” she grinned. “I don’t know if I could handle a bouquet though, right now. If we walk any farther, you know I’m tripping over a branch or something,” she told him, completely serious. 

“Okay, no bouquets. But - how about…” he trailed, as they reached the clearing. He heard her gasp, the sharp intake of breath as she took in the sight in front of her, and his heart was racing. “How about an entire field?” he asked softly, stepping behind her and wrapping his arms around her waist, his chin resting lightly on her shoulder next to her ear. “Do you like it?” he whispered, his stomach still swirling with nerves for her answer, though he knew there was nothing for him to be afraid of.

“You - you got me a whole field of wildflowers?” she breathed. 

Different shades of purples, blues, orange and pink were strewn about in a messy array, long strands of unkempt green grass stretched out wide in front of them, not another soul in sight. The sun was shining brightly, even if it were far from a clear day and the rays beamed down through the clouds, illuminating each and every color. The clearing was not small, and Bellamy could just make out the tree line on the other side. 

It was magical. 

And he was instantly overjoyed that he’d brought her here. Her expression, the enraptured elation as her eyes darted around to take it all in, the wetness in their corners, overcome with emotion, it was all worth it, for this moment. 

“It’s so beautiful, and peaceful,” she breathed, sucking in a breath. “How did you - this is - ”

He removed his arms from her waist, and walked around her, into her line of sight and held out a hand. “Wow, Clarke Griffin... speechless…” he grinned.

She smirked at him. “Don’t be an ass, you’ll ruin it.”

He smiled wider still. “So you _do_ like it?”

“Bell,” she began, taking his hand and letting him lead her through the field. Her other hand skimmed the tops of the various flowers and grass, her fingers running through the soft petals and sharp blades. “I don’t - no one has ever done something like this for me before.”

He stopped walking, a short distance between them, only connected by their fingertips. He gripped her hand more solidly and spun her around, her pale hair splaying through the air and gleaming in the sun. She laughed as he did, and he caught her as she entered his space, tripping a little on the turn. 

Clarke looked up at him. “Told you I was going to trip.” She was beaming brighter than the sun and was at least three times as radiant. 

“Then I guess it’s a good thing I was here to catch you.”

She shook her head. “It’s not fair. Cheesy lines like that shouldn’t work.” He laughed then, throwing his head back. Looking back down, he saw her searching his face, her eyes exploring whatever it was she could see in his expression, his eyes, his smile.

“What?” he asked after a few moments had passed and he was fighting the urge to squirm under her inspection.

“I love you.”

He blinked. Did she just - was that his imagination? Maybe he was dreaming. 

“Come again?”

“Bellamy Blake, I am completely in love with - ”

“ - I love you too,” he blurted out, not letting her finish. But she didn’t seem to mind, she only laughed that stupidly perfect laugh again and reached up to put his face between her palms. 

“I was hoping you did,” she whispered just before their lips connected.

He lifted her up with the arms that were wrapped around her already, her hands moving to his neck, holding herself to him as her feet left the ground. 

When he finally set her back down (which, he wasn’t timing it exactly, but his arms had started burning so it was definitely a considerable amount of time) they were both smiling, making it impossible to keep kissing without their teeth clacking together. 

He led her a little further, to the set up Murphy had left, a picnic - complete with checkered tablecloth blanket, basket, food, and wine. 

“I still can’t believe you did all of this - where did you even _find_ this place?” she asked poking through the basket as they sat down. Before he could answer, he heard her gasp again, as she found the sketchbook he’d given to Murphy to include along with the food.

“This is my - I don’t know, I guess you could say this is the place I come to when I need to clear my head or whatever. It’s been a while since I’ve been here, though. I used to come all the time when I was younger, when I was having a hard time with O or my mother. I could feel the breeze, see all the different colored flowers that would spring up, and it gave me something to focus on, to give me hope. I don’t know if that sounds stupid or not,” he laughed to himself. 

“It’s not stupid,” she told him softly, leaning over to kiss him chastely on the lips. She was already sketching away, the artist in her obviously not able to help herself any longer. It was exactly what he’d wanted. Just a quiet afternoon of talking without the pressures of their normal lives. A chance to calm their minds. 

“Yeah, I used to build forts, in my house in New York, when I was younger. When the world around me got to be too much, when the demands of societal obligation overwhelmed me, Wells and I would build a cave out of blankets or whatever we could find. My parents - or, rather, my mother - didn’t really care for them. But even just for a moment in time, we’d get to just be kids, hiding in a silly blanket fort,” she said, pausing every so often to glance up at him. “Can you believe we had to look up how to build one on Google? I had to ask the maid how to use the computer the first time!” she scoffed, shaking her head. “‘Course, the engineer in my dad instantly jumped in when he saw what we were trying to do and made it super elaborate.”

He chuckled. “Your parents always sound so - ”

“Interesting? Crazy?” she guessed.

“No, just you’re not what I would have expected to have come from a life like that.”

Clarke snorted. “Well, you _do_ call me Princess,” she said, rolling her eyes at him.

“Ironically,” he defended himself. “But despite how different you all are, it sounds like they really love you.”

Her pencil stopped scratching, and she set it and the pad down next to her. “They really do. And I really love them. Uh,” she cleared her throat. She reached for a bottle of water, taking a long swig of it before continuing. He waited patiently, wondering what had got her tension back up. He could see it in her jaw, in her fidgety fingers, in the way she kept shifting. “So, Madi and I are going to be seeing them for dinner during one of the nights of our trip…”

“Uh, huh…” he urged, instantly seeing where this was going. 

“And I thought, uh, you’d maybe like to come with?”

“Sure.”

Her head snapped up to look at him, where he was lounged back on the blanket, propped up on his side with an arm. His fingers had been picking apart some of the grass surrounding them, but he stopped when he saw how surprised she was. 

“Why wouldn't I? I mean, you’ve met _my_ mother. And you knew my sister before you knew me.”

“Well, yeah, but I met your mother as your _friend_ , and also she’s really great,” she told Bellamy like it was obvious. “My parents are just - a whole lot.”

“Clarke, it’s fine. I don’t know about you,” he started. “But I’m in this, for the long haul. And it’s going to happen eventually anyway,” he shrugged.

“I can’t believe you’re being so… easy about this.”

He laughed. “Oh stop. I’m not always an ass,” he joked. She shook her head and shoved him a bit. “Now, wine?”

She accepted and they spent the rest of the afternoon talking about whatever popped in their heads - family (though Bellamy wasn’t exactly thrilled to hear about Lincoln), movies, Madi, California, Thailand. Things that they’d touched on before, but had lingering questions or a funny anecdote or an interesting story. There was always something new to learn but soon the conversation slowed as the afternoon wore on, their food (and wine) almost gone.

“So,” she started, after a few minutes of quiet. He was sitting next to her, her sketchpad in his lap. Clarke had been trying to show him a technique for drawing flowers that he very clearly sucked at. She always made it look so effortless and simple, but he quickly found it was anything but. “You told me earlier that you don’t take just anyone here…” she trailed off.

“It’s not that don’t take _just_ anyone here… seriously no one has been here. No one other than O and my mother.”

“Why?”

“It’s - it’s important to me. And I wanted to share it with someone equally important,” he told her, shrugging a little. “That’s you, by the way, in case that wasn’t obvious.”

She let out a little breathy laugh and started leaning in. “Hmm, that’s - that’s real good,” she said and he met her lean with one of his own, capturing her lips with his. 

Before long, the sweet, slow movement of their mouths turned more demanding, more insistent, more intense. Without breaking contact, and with the help of Bellamy’s guiding hands, Clarke swung one of her legs over to his other side, so she was sitting, straddling his lap. Sitting like this, she was now taller than him and he smiled as she looked down, at the way her head blocked the sun, the light flooding the world around them. 

Bellamy’s hands moved to her thighs, pulling her in closer still, his hands over her leggings slipping under her dress and inching farther and farther up. Their lips separated, an audible gasp for breath escaping Clarke. But instead of breathing the fresh air around them deeply and filling his lungs with the oxygen they demanded, he simply shifted his lips’ focus and worked on trailing a line of kisses all down the column of her neck, infinitely pleased when he could feel the moan work its way up her throat with his lips. It spurred him on, determined to taste every inch of her exposed skin.

Her hands crept up his chest until they were gripping the collar of his shirt, tugging as his lips crept down past her collarbone to the swell of her breasts. Her jean jacket, as hot as it looked on her, was increasingly in the way of his access and his hands moved to grip either side of the opening.

“B - Bell,” she stuttered, sounding breathless. 

“Mmm?” he hummed in response for her to go on, pulling back and opening his eyes to search her face, making sure there wasn’t something wrong or that she needed to stop. 

Clarke looked down at him, smiling in a way that made him almost stop breathing and his chest was already heaving with the effort it was taking to replenish his oxygen. His hands dropped from her jacket, shaking a little with the way the adrenaline was pumping through his veins. She said nothing, her chest heaving like his as she maintained eye contact, her hands slowly moving up to her jacket themselves and shrugging her shoulders out of it. 

A bolt of lightning ran up his spine and they crashed together once again, his hands and body and heart all in sync with one another as the intensity of being completely consumed by Clarke Griffin filled every fiber of his being. 

Bellamy wasn’t sure it’d ever be enough. 

Every new ounce of skin his lips or his hands touched was overwhelming; the sensations making him dizzy with her scent (always citrus), her softness, her strength, her fire. 

Her fingers deftly undid the buttons on his flannel, the white t-shirt he wore underneath now exposed. Her hands wasted no time running up his sides, her soft fingers pressing agonizingly unrelenting against his overheated skin and even whatever remaining bruising remained on his ribs couldn’t stop him from wanting her hands all over him.

He secured his own hands to her back and flipped them over in one fluid motion so she was laying on the blanket under him, her hair laid around her at odd spots. They broke apart to laugh slightly, his open flannel spread wide over her sides as he propped himself up with his arms on either side of her shoulders. 

His grin was wide as he dipped back down to kiss her again, imbuing every ounce of love his body could translate into it, and her hands came up to either side of his head and her fingers tangled in his hair. He could feel her nails against his scalp, holding him to her, strong - unwavering in her determination to completely undo him. One of her legs hitched up over his hip and his hand splayed out on her thigh, tugging her impossibly closer still, and her dress messily scrunched up around her own hips the further up her body his hand traveled. She arched up into him, moaning low into his mouth, sending a bolt of lightning straight through him.

Her hands had started slipping his flannel down his shoulders and he was about to shed his shirt entirely when the rain started - light at first, a drop on the back of his hand or her forehead, a light drizzle coating his back. They broke apart for a moment when they felt it, looking at each other, their chests heaving as one, waiting to see if it was going to just be a random drop or two. But not even five seconds later, it started coming down in sheets, pouring over them in that rare way that spring storms came on, the kind of rain that you could barely see through.

They were both soaked through in seconds, still in the same position of her pinned beneath him. She let out a burst of laughter, and he followed, dipping his head down to her neck, the wetness of the rain on her skin somehow making her even softer. He placed a slippery, wet kiss at her jawline and stood, pulling her up with him and together they tried in vain to run from the onslaught, as if there was any sort of actual shelter nearby. They made it to the treeline, though that provided little respite, especially since they were already soaked through.

“What about the food and basket and stuff?” she yelled, struggling to be heard through the downpour. If he wasn’t right next to her, he wouldn’t have.

“Leave it, it’s all ruined anyway!” he shouted back. “Come on, let’s get back to the car!”

“Wait!” she insisted, grabbing his hand and dragging him back out in the deluge. 

She was drenched, her normally bright blonde hair now darker, clinging to her face and clothes, her makeup running down her face. 

“Clarke, we should go! I said we should leave it!” he told her, confused as to why she wasn’t running for the car like a madman. 

She stopped suddenly, still a ways from the blanket and all the ruined stuff. She stepped closer, her hands clutching to his, both of them a complete mess but then _she smiled_. That perfect, carefree, sparkling beam that could light up the whole world. 

“What are we doing?” he yelled.

She let go of his hands and spread her arms wide, tipping her head up for a moment and closing her eyes, letting the rain wash over her before she brought her gaze back down. She reached up and gripped his face, bringing his mouth to her lips, cementing them together in a searing kiss before pulling back. 

“I love you,” she whispered so quietly he had to read her lips more than hear her voice. “And I need you to know that I don’t care about the rain or the ruined stuff or any of that. I _love you_ , Bellamy. And I think I always will.”

He lunged forward and kissed her again, their wet lips sliding together clumsily with the unrelenting wetness. His arm wrapped around her waist and tugged her close, his body now flush against every inch of hers. They were in the middle of an abandoned field of wildflowers, the sky darkening by the second, the rain flooding the earth around them, but the only thing he cared about was the stunning woman in his arms.

The relentless pounding of the rain faded into the distance as he kissed her, the whole world melting away until it was just the two of them. He didn't know how long they stood out there, but eventually Clarke’s body wracked with an involuntary shiver and he was just about to suggest they finish their dash for the car when a loud clap of thunder sounded above them, and a bolt of light streaked across the sky.

“Rain I can handle, but maybe we not get struck by lightning?” he chuckled. 

Clarke grinned and nodded in agreement, and her body shook with another shiver. “Also maybe so I don’t go into hypothermic shock,” she shouted.

“Yeah, that would be the worst date ever,” he teased.

She nodded and he wrapped an arm around her instinctively to keep her warm, though he was just as drenched as she was so it wasn’t helping much. They ran for the car, and he was grateful that he’d thought to grab his keys off the blanket when they’d stood or they would’ve been out of luck and had to go back. 

They collapsed into the truck, so wet that it was like it had been raining _in_ the car. After starting the engine to get the heat going, he reached back to the bench seat behind them and grabbed the bag he’d stashed back there. He always kept a blanket or two and a change of clothes in the truck just in case of, well, things like this. 

He saw Clarke pull the visor down to look in the little mirror. “Shit, I look crazed,” she laughed, swiping her fingers across her cheeks to wipe away the runny mascara. 

“Stop, you look beautiful,” he murmured back to her, stretching across the console to kiss her cheek. 

“We’re together now, you don't have to sweet talk me,” she tried to point out jokingly. 

Bellamy just shrugged nonchalantly. “No sweet talk. Just facts.” He saw her roll her eyes, but her cheeks twinged pink so he figured he said the right thing. He put the bag on her lap. “Here, you can change if you want to.”

“What, you don’t want me dripping water all over your car?” she teased. 

He just smiled as he put the truck in reverse to start heading home. “Drip all you want to, just figured you’d want to stop shivering at some point.”

“I’m n - not shive - ” she tried to stubbornly defend, but was interrupted by a particularly violent tremble, so she just sighed and groaned. “Fine. But what’re you going to do?”

“Human furnace, remember? Cold doesn’t bother me much,” he told her, running a hand through his dripping hair. Cold or not, he wished he’d had a towel at the very least though.

Clarke rolled her eyes and climbed into the backseat. He shrugged out of the sopping wet flannel so he just remained in the white t-shirt and even though that was kind of pointless considering it was now basically see-through, he had only one shirt in the bag and he’d just given it to Clarke. He cranked the heat up because despite what he’d just assured her, the chill from the rain was starting to seep in. He pulled out of the little clearing they were parked in and onto the road. 

A few seconds later, he felt her lips grazing the shell of his ear and her hands sliding down his chest.

“You know... if you wanted my clothes off, all you had to do was say so,” she said nonchalantly, but her voice was low and her lips were soft as she kissed the hollow behind his ear and it left him feeling anything but composed.

He felt his cheeks flare brightly and the sudden warmth of his neck had nothing to do with the truck’s heating system and everything to do with the woman behind him. She chuckled a little at his obvious slight swerve of the truck as he fought to focus on the road in front of him and not using his rear view mirror to sneak a glance of her in the back. Bellamy swallowed heavily and tried his hardest to not respond by pulling the truck over to join her in the backseat. 

A couple minutes later she threw one of the blankets onto the front seat so she wouldn’t get wet again and started to climb up. He held up a hand for her hold to help keep her steady. 

“Thank you.” 

Clarke settled herself in, buckling her seat belt, and let out a sigh.

“Better?” he asked, glancing at her quickly before focusing back on the road. She was in his shirt and athletic shorts, both of which were far too big. Her hair was tied up in a messy wet bun on the top of her head and her make-up had been wiped off. It was intoxicating, the sight of her like that he had to stop himself from staring and running them off the road. 

Maybe he shouldn’t be driving - he was clearly having a hard time not being distracted.

“Thanks for today,” she said softly, her fingers playing with the arm of his that was resting in between them on the gear selector. He hesitated only a moment before moving his arm closer, resting his hand on her thigh. She ran her fingers over his, drawing nonsense on the back of his hand and arm, sending up those all-too familiar electric shocks.

“Yeah? You had a good time even though it got rained out?” he asked, side-glancing at her again with an eyebrow cocked up slightly.

“I don’t know… I think that might have been the best part,” she smirked. He squeezed his hand on her thigh a bit, making her finger’s stutter a bit in their flow. “Well, _almost_ the best part,” she added cheekily.

He breathed deeply, clicking his tongue a bit. “You keep saying things like that and I’m going to end up driving right off this road.”

Her responding laugh was loud and sparkling. “Oh, am I distracting you?” she asked, mock offensively. “Here, let me just - ” she offered, starting to move his hand off her leg and scooting as far away from him as she could.

“No!” he said insistently, keeping a firm grip on her thigh, which he now realized had crept up way farther than he’d intended, but it wasn’t like she was actually trying to get him to move so he left it where it was. 

Clarke laughed and put her fingers back on top of his again, settling back in her seat. “So what’re you going to do about all the stuff we left behind?”

He shrugged. “Go back in a couple of days. The place isn’t exactly a hot spot. Hopefully this rain will stop and the sun will dry it all out.”

She gasped. “Oh what about your drawings?”

Bellamy snorted. “Yeah, I think the world is better off without those.”

Clarke tsked. “And I was going to have those framed.”

“Sure,” he chuckled. 

Clarke pulled her phone out and tapped it a few times. “I just sent a text off to Rae to let her know we are on our way back. You think my house is still standing?” she joked. 

The thought came unbidden into his mind and it was like once it was there, he knew it wasn’t going to go anywhere at all. If her house wasn’t still standing… he had a perfectly good one right next to it. He bit his lip, keeping the suggestion back, not trusting himself to actually say it out loud, even as a joke. 

It was too soon. _Right?_

They spent the rest of the drive in a comfortable quiet, that peaceful calm of being together that he’d come to crave just about all day every day. It had just started to get dark when they pulled in the drive. Thankfully over here the rain was nothing more than a light rain.

“Oh shit,” Clarke exclaimed, sitting up straight for a moment before sliding down in the seat.

He chuckled as he watched her antics. “What are you doing?” he asked.

“Bellamy! Look at me!”

“Oh I am, trust me.” 

She narrowed her eyes at him. “I’m in your clothes!”

He grinned wide. “Uh huh, again, trust me. I am keenly aware of that.”

Even in the dimming light he could see her face flush. She reached over and smacked him. “This is not the time! What is Madi going to think?” Then she groaned and added, “Or Raven? Ugh, there’s going to be another bat signal, or some other kind of symbol sent out.” She was on the floor boards now, her forehead resting on the seat. 

“Okay, calm down,” he told her, but the look she shot at him made him switch directions. “Okay, okay. Nevermind. Just - I’ll go get you something. Meet me in my house, okay?” he suggested, tossing her the keys and grabbing his still damp flannel from where he’d tossed it earlier. 

She nodded quickly. “The drawer at the bottom of my dresser has my yoga pants and then just grab a shirt out of the drawer just above that one,” she directed. 

He chuckled again. “Got it. Now, go,” he waved and she slipped out of the truck quietly and made a dash for the front door. 

She was being ridiculous, though he supposed he understood. It definitely insinuated something that didn’t happen. _Almost_ happened, but didn’t. 

Still, Bellamy loved her ridiculousness. He loved _her_.

***

Clarke just about fell through Bellamy’s threshold in the most clumsy, ungraceful way possible and if there was ever a testament that Bellamy indeed loved her back it was that even through all her crazy, it was in that he still smiled that brilliant incredible grin that she couldn’t get enough of through it all.

She wasn’t even sure where the panic had come from, and realized almost as soon as she entered his house that the truth probably would’ve been more than sufficient and Madi wouldn’t have batted an eye.

Raven would’ve, but she was going to anyway.

It had caught her so off guard, the entire afternoon. It wasn’t just lunch at her favorite restaurant or a stroll through the park or a museum or a movie or a hundred other wonderful date ideas that they would’ve had an amazing time doing. 

It was something that _meant something_ to him. 

It was a piece of his life and his heart that he was giving her, trusting her with, and the significance of that was not lost on her.

If it were even possible, she’d fallen that much harder for him. How could she not? And when she kissed him, when she felt his hands on her, his lips against her skin, his voice in her ear, saw the stars in his eyes… he felt like home. It made her feel more alive than she’d ever felt in her entire life. 

And she knew. She knew that she would always love him. 

What surprised her was that she said it out loud.

She’d been caught in the moment, not that she regretted it for one second, but she hadn’t necessarily _intended_ to say that she would _always_ love him out loud. She was one to keep things closer, not say something unless she was sure how the other person was going to react in order to protect herself from getting hurt.

But Bellamy wasn't going to hurt her.

And she found it incredibly safe and easy to be vulnerable like that with him. 

Her phone went off at the same time the front door opened, a small bag in his hands. She’d been sitting on the couch, under one of his blankets to keep warm. Even on the short journey into his house she’d gotten wet all over again. The shirt she was wearing came down to her mid-thighs, so she’d ditched the shorts so she wouldn’t get his couch too wet. It was a gamble, not wearing any pants in a house where… well, a house where she didn’t _want_ to be wearing pants in. But it was what it was. 

Besides, if he could drive her completely crazy in a wet white t-shirt that showed off his muscles the entire way home… then oh well. 

Her head snapped down to the device in her lap as he entered, ditching his overshirt again and flopping next to her on the couch, an arm draped over her blanket clad legs. 

**_Raven:_ ** _YOU NEEDED NEW CLOTHES?!_

Clarke smirked and turned the phone so Bellamy could see the message. He let out a bark of laughter followed by a sigh. 

“I thought you were going to be subtle?” she questioned.

“I thought I was!” he defended. “She was always going to be suspicious,” he added. He laid his head back on the couch and closed his eyes. She tossed her phone on the table in front of them, not bothering with responding, and brought a hand up to his head. His dark waves were still damp from the rain before and when he’d gone from house to house. She ran her fingers through them, scratching lightly in that way she’d already learned he liked, and was rewarded with a low hum in his throat.

Her phone dinged again after a moment and she leaned forward to grab it. When she’d tossed it down a minute ago, it’d had slid a little far, so when she reached for it she could feel a light breeze at her back, letting her know his shirt had risen up. And sure enough when she turned around, she noticed his eyes on her. His very dark eyes, the chocolate hue in his irises now only a thin ring around his pupils.

“Um, you’re not… where are - uh…” he trailed off awkwardly, clearing his throat and shifting around. 

She smirked. “I didn’t want to get your couch wet. Although you’re still in your clothes from the field so you couldn’t have been too worried about it.”

“Yeah,” he said distractedly. “I mean, not - I’m not worried about it.” He squeezed his eyes shut quickly before opening them again. 

She settled in next to him again and opened up her message app, sighing when she read the message from Raven. “Madi is freaking out a little. She said sorry, but she saw you and assumed I was with you, but then you left and I didn’t come in.” Clarke looked at him, regretful that their day was about to come to an end. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be,” he said instantly. “Madi is a priority. As she should be. I got you for most of the day, it’s okay,” he assured her, rubbing his hand back and forth across her leg.

“It really was an incredible day,” she told him. 

“I’m glad. You deserve incredible.”

“Oh, I don’t know about that,” she deflected, never quite sure how to take a compliment. He gave her a look and she rolled her eyes. “Those my clothes?” she asked, nodding her head at the bag on the table. He nodded and she pushed the blanket away and stood, very aware that her legs were on full display. 

She could sense him fighting the urge to stare, focusing very studiously at her face. She walked forward, the bag in her hand, knowing that realistically this was a bad idea - Madi needed her to get home. But the way he was looking at her, the way he was casually sitting in that damn, see-through shirt, his tanned muscles flexing with his restraint… Clarke couldn’t help herself. 

She felt ready to combust.

She very carefully stepped between his legs and he sat up with her close proximity.

“What are you doing?”

Clarke just smiled and leaned over, putting a leg on either of his sides, sitting on him like she had done in that field, when they were surrounded by one of the most beautiful places she’d ever been, with the man she was hopelessly in love with, and he met her in middle, capturing her lips and kissing her like he needed her in order to breathe. 

His hands came up instantly, and hesitated only briefly before slipping under the shirt over her underwear and gripped her waist, tugging her closer. The feeling of his strong arms around her would never stop making her heart race and every part of her throb with want. 

Before it could go any further - the motherly part of her not allowing herself to completely let go, even though her entire body tingled with the knowledge of just _how easy_ it would be, she pulled back slowly. He squeezed her waist one more time, his thumbs caressing lightly over her skin as he trailed them off her body and she stood once again.

Clarke started for the stairs, feeling his eyes on her with every step. Her legs rubbed together instinctually - something she’d probably she’d have to take care of later. 

“Hey, Princess,” Bellamy called after her. 

She turned her head, the way he was looking at her sending jolts straight through her. 

“For record, I always will too…. love you,” he added. In case she didn’t know what he was referring to. Which, of course she did, considering every single part of this day would be permanently seared in her memory forever. 

And she only felt a _little_ bad for leaving his shirt laying on his bed after she changed out of it, knowing that it would remind him of her wearing it. 

Actually, as Clarke snuggled into his sweatshirt that she was never planning on giving back later that night, she didn’t really feel that bad at all.

\-----------------------------

“I’m not doing it.”

“Come _on_ , Bellamy. It’s not that bad. Seriously, I’ll be so proud of you,” Clarke tried. But he just gave her a look and crossed his arms in defiance. 

“Nope.”

“For me?”

Bellamy exchanged a look at Madi, who was sitting at the island next to him watching them debate. “What do you think, munchkin?”

Madi looked up and looked between the two of them before settling her gaze on Bellamy. “Don’t do it.”

“Traitor!” Clarke gasped.

Madi only shrugged. “Pineapple gross.”

Clarke sighed heavily. “Fine.”

“You know,” Murphy called over from the couch. It was one of those rare Friday nights that he didn’t have to work at the restaurant, but had been kind enough to stop by anyway to get them all pizza. It wasn’t a large group - Murphy, Emori, and Raven in addition to the three of them. “Hawaiian toppings are like my second most requested pizza.”

Bellamy spun around. “You cannot be serious.”

Murphy just shrugged. “I’m not saying I understand it, but…”

“I think you just became my new favorite,” Clarke smirked, throwing a towel at Bellamy. Who only narrowed his eyes at her.

Bellamy, Clarke, and Madi were set to take off to New York on Sunday, helping the students and other chaperones get settled into the hotel before their tour began on Monday. 

“Thanks, Griff, but I’m taken,” Murphy said sarcastically. Clarke rolled her eyes. 

“I don’t mind sharing,” Emori teased from where she was draped across the armchair.

“Okay, okay…” Bellamy started but Raven piped in before he could finish. 

“I’m not sure if I’m more disappointed that Murphy backed up Clarke, or if the good people of Arkadia apparently have no taste,” she posited, coming next to stand next to Clarke, bumping into her shoulder and grabbing a gummy bear out of the dish on the counter and popping it into her mouth. “I mean, how did pineapple on pizza even become a thing? They had to have been high or something.”

“What’s high? Like in the sky?”

Madi’s question made them all snap their gazes to the little girl, swinging her legs from the stool she was sitting on. Her face projected all innocence and curiosity. Her face was a mess, pizza sauce not just on her cheeks, but somehow on her forehead and in her hair. Clarke had all but given up the clip debate, considering the 80 pack of them she’d bought just last month was now down to only one, and Madi pulled it out constantly anyway. Bellamy had braided it back earlier, but after she slept in it during her nap, it stuck out so much that apparently it was not safe from the pizza sauce. 

Clarke stuttered before answering, glancing quickly at Raven to shoot her a quick glare, to which her friend’s eyes widened and her lips mouthed _sorry_.

“Yes, like up in the clouds,” Bellamy told the little girl, poking at her belly and making her giggle. 

“There are people that live up there?” Madi asked him, wide eyed and full of wonder.

Bellamy scrunched a side of his face in a silly expression that made Madi giggle again. “Okay, you got me, not really. But that gives me a great idea for a bedtime story,” he told her, wiggling his eyebrows. 

Clarke smiled, watching the two of them interact and laugh. It looked effortless, like the way he slotted into their lives just fit. He didn’t seem annoyed or inconvenienced by a three year old hanging around all the time. Or when her responsibilities to Madi superseded time they could’ve spent alone. 

Clarke almost couldn’t believe how much time she’d wasted thinking this was going to hurt Madi. Bellamy had made it crystal clear in the way he cared for her, talked to her, smiled with her, that he was going to protect her. 

She realized how proud Wells would be to have a man like Bellamy in his daughter’s life. 

“Okay, you two. Miss Madi there’s no way you’re climbing into the fresh sheets I put on your bed this afternoon with sauce all over yourself. Run upstairs and get ready for bathtime,” she directed.

Madi’s face instantly furrowed. “No.”

“Excuse me?” Clarke asked, her mom-voice in full swing. She heard Murphy snicker on the couch followed by a very pointed _thwap_ from Emori. 

“I don’t _want_ a bath. I want to stay down here.”

“I asked you to go upstairs and get ready for bathtime. _Now_ please,” she added, pointing at the stairs. 

Madi harrumphed, but did as she was told and made her way up to her room. Clarke sighed and mumbled a _be right back_ making her way around the counter to follow the defiant little one. Bellamy grabbed her wrist lightly, making her turn back. 

“You need any help?”

Clarke leaned forward to kiss him swiftly. “No, thank you. I’ll call you when she’s ready for a story though. You better make up a good one about those people who live in the clouds or I think she might actually mutiny on us,” she chuckled.

Bellamy pulled her in for one more kiss before letting her retreat. “We wouldn’t want that. I think I’ve got just the one.”

Clarke made her way to the stairs, heading up to the overtired attitude from the independent and opinionated three year old. She could hear Raven’s jab as she hit the top step.

“As long as it isn’t one of your Greek mythology stories,” Raven quipped. And Clarke laughed to herself, because… of _course_ that was what his story was going to be. 

A half hour later, she and Bellamy were sneaking out of Madi’s room, Bellamy’s cleaned-up tale of Mt. Olympus, where the gods lived in the clouds having sent Madi soundly off to dreamland. 

“She is something else, I swear,” Bellamy laughed quietly, wrapping his arms around her. 

“You’re telling me. There are days where she is seriously so agreeable and then days where I feel ready to completely collapse at the end of,” she huffed.

“Being a single parent is no easy task. You’re doing a really good job though,” he told her, taking her hand. 

Clarke gave him a look. “Would you tell me if I were doing a _bad_ job though?” she pointed out, letting her forehead fall to his chest. 

He considered a moment before responding, shifting their position so he could take her hand. His thumb ran circles in a soothing motion across the back of her hand as they walked towards the stairs to head back down to their friends. “I don’t think it’s possible for you to be a bad parent, Clarke. I’ve seen my share of those. More than my share. Ask Murphy. Or Raven. You _try_. And yeah, do you make mistakes? Sure, you aren’t perfect,” he smirked. “But you love her. And you show up. And you _care_. That matters,” he said softly. “It matters more than you’ll ever know.”

“How is it you always know exactly what to say?”

“Maybe it’s not so much that, and more just about how well I know _you_.”

“- and what I need to hear,” she finished for him. “I love you.”

He leaned in, kissing her softly. “I love you too.”

“Hey, Clarke?” Murphy’s voice came from their left, about mid-way up the stairs. Clarke swung her gaze towards him and was surprised to see his anxiousness. Murphy never looked nervous. In fact, he was one of the smuggest, most self-assured, unapologetic people she’d ever known. Obviously he got nervous like the rest of the human population, but Clarke had never actually seen it. 

“What’s wrong?” she asked instantly, taking a few steps forward, a pit forming in her stomach. She felt Bellamy tense next to her, obviously sensing the same thing she had, his protective instincts preparing for whatever Murphy was about to say. 

“Uh, there’s a man at the door, asking to see you,” he told them, his hand tightening its grip on the banister. “I don’t know who he is, but he’s not taking _get the hell out of here_ for an answer,” Murphy added, clearly irritated.

Clarke frowned and instinctively looked at the clock on the hallway wall. _8:30pm_. Not that late in the grand scheme of time, but still, later than an average, innocuous house call. Her mind instantly went to Finn, or even Cillian, but she knew Raven knew both of them and would’ve said something if it were either of them.

But by Murphy’s frustrated and edgy demeanor, it was likely not a friendly visitor though.

So… who the hell was it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yikes, cliffhanger! Sorry ya'll 😉 Hopefully I'll be able to get 17 up in a few days! I'm going to stop trying to commit to a specific day because we all know by now how well I do with that lol. You all rock for having so patience with me, and I love having each and every one of you along for the ride! If you want to hang out or ask me anything, come see me on my [tumblr](https://dayo488.tumblr.com/)!


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! Ready for the conclusion to the mystery man at the front door? It kicks us off into our main final arc of this story, and it's quite the doozy. Such a doozy in fact, that I feel like there might need to be a warning for those who would like to be aware of certain things ahead of time. There's no way around it being SUPER SPOILERY though so jump to the end if you don't mind that. 
> 
> I promise, I WILL respond to each comment, you all have NO IDEA how much they mean to me and make my day. I've been incredibly stressed and busy with the holidays quickly approaching so I haven't had a good time to sit down and form adequate thank yous. But rest assured, they mean so much to me, and I thank you!
> 
> Without further ado -

Clarke walked swiftly down the stairs past Murphy, he and Bellamy hot on her heels. 

“Clarke, wait!” she heard Bellamy call out.

But she couldn’t wait. This wasn’t like the last time someone uninvited showed up. She had people in the house she loved, Madi, Bellamy, their friends. She wasn’t going to let anyone get to them. But she pulled up in shock when the man at the door was a stranger to her himself, an unremarkable man in a suit standing impatiently with a clearly irritated look on his face. She’d been sure that it would at least be someone she knew, but there was absolutely nothing familiar about this man at all.

Bellamy stopped just behind her and she could feel the wariness and tension rolling off of him. Glancing to her left revealed Murphy and Raven in similar defensive stances to each other - arms crossed, scowls etched on their expressions. Emori looked like she was poised for a battle like a cat with its hackles up. 

Clarke stepped forward and spoke. “It’s late. Can I help you?” 

“You Clarke Griffin?” the man exasperated. 

“Who are you?” Bellamy asked, standing beside her now, arms crossed, muscles tense in that intimidating _don’t fuck with me_ kind of way that he reserved for the kind of people who were threatening the people he loved.

For as different as the two of them were, they were similar in a lot of ways too.

As Bellamy spoke, the man’s eyes flickered from the focused gaze on Clarke to Bellamy, narrowing in suspicion. “You the boyfriend?”

“I’m going to ask one more time. Who the hell are you, and what do you want with Clarke?”

“Yes, I’m Clarke Griffin,” she admitted finally, bringing the man’s attention back to her. “Now answer him, please.”

The man just shook his head and smirked. “I was told you might be difficult. But here,” he said, pulling a manila envelope out of his suit jacket. “I’m a process server with the law offices of Wallace and Son.” He held it out to her. “Clarke Griffin, you’ve been served.”

She just stared at it a moment, her brain taking a shockingly long amount of time to process what it was being handed to her. The others in the room stayed silent, and really there might have not been anyone else for as quiet as it had become. _Served?_

Until Bellamy spoke softly, “Clarke.”

She startled and reached forward, her arm feeling heavy and numb. But somehow her fingers gripped the envelope anyway. 

The process server scoffed. “Good luck. You’re going to need it.”

“Get the hell out of here, dick,” she heard Murphy scowl at him.

She stood stock still, her mouth dry and tongue in her cheek as she worked to understand what just happened. Raven shut the door behind the guy, who saluted as he left, skipping down her front porch steps like he’d just delivered them take-out. 

A pit formed in her stomach, her mind unable to come up with any _good_ reason why someone would be served legal papers. Which meant whatever was in this envelope was not something she wanted to read. She swallowed heavily and her eyes flickered around to her friends, her _family_ , as they all waited anxiously to see what Clarke had just been served with.

_Wallace and Son._

The name sounded familiar, tugged at some long ago memory that she couldn’t quite recall. But the pit of despair grew as she ruminated on it, the name striking an uneasiness that she couldn’t quite shake.

Clarke flipped the envelope over and started undoing the clasp at the top. She felt Bellamy’s hand on the small of her back, steady and sure and comforting. At least whatever this was, she could rely on the fact that she wasn’t alone in it. That he’d stand with her no matter what.

She pulled out the papers, official looking things that reminded her of almost a year ago, the sheer amount of legal papers she’d had to sign in the wake of Wells’s and Glass’s deaths seared in her memory. 

There was some sort of mountain symbol at the top, and the name _Wallace and Son_ in big block letters.

Her voice was shaky as she read the cover letter, and she had to clear her throat multiple times in order for sound to actually come out, once her brain processed who it was that lived in Illinois that would possibly have anything to do with her. But she wanted everyone to hear it as well. 

“ _Plaintiff: Dr. Adam and Mrs. Grace Sorenson_

_Defendant: Clarke Griffin_

_Notice of Hearing  
Attention to Clarke Griffin,_

_The purpose of this letter is to notify Clarke Griffin of the child custody hearing scheduled for Madison Jaha. On behalf of my clients, Dr. and Mrs. Sorenson, I, Cage Wallace, have ample reason to question the will and guardianship decision made by Wells and Glass Jaha before their untimely deaths. We have reason to believe you are no longer fit to retain custody of the child. A petition has been filed with the court…_ ”

Clarke trailed off, her voice completely muted as her eyes scanned the rest of the document for the fine details like the location and date of the hearing.

“What the fuck?!” Raven roared. 

“Who are the Sorensons?” Bellamy asked, panic leaking into his voice, indicating that he could probably figure out the answer to that. “Clarke!” he tried more insistently when she didn’t answer him the first time.

Clarke opened her mouth to speak, still reading and reading the cover letter and glancing at the official summons attached filled with legal jargon she didn’t understand. She didn’t even recognize herself; her own voice sounded distant, detached as her mind worked to understand what was going on .

“They, uh…” Clarke closed her eyes. “Glass Sorenson… they’re Glass’s parents… Madi’s biological grandparents. They’re suing me for custody. They’re trying to overturn their own daughter’s decision.” Her face scrunched in pain. 

_They were trying to take Madi away from her._

Her blood pounded in her ears as she heard every single heartbeat in her chest, seemingly slowing with each second that passed. 

She could hear her friend’s reactions as they had them, but it sounded like she was underwater, their voices muffled. 

Fuck, maybe she _was_ underwater. _This is what drowning must feel like_ , she thought to herself, as her lungs constricted, unable to pull in enough air to keep her from getting dizzy.

“Shit,” Emori breathed. “She’s going to pass out, Bellamy.”

She vaguely noted Bellamy’s arms wrapping around her, the muscles she adored taut with tension. Still, he held her upright and steady and Clarke shook her head, trying to clear the fog as she clutched his forearm tightly, probably leaving fingernail marks in his skin. But if he noticed or cared, he didn’t let on; he just let her hold onto him.

“They aren’t getting away with this - no way,” Murphy insisted.

“Let me see them,” Raven requested, holding her hand out for Clarke to hand the papers over. Raven was far from a lawyer, but Clarke knew her need to fix things was strong and she had to get eyes on them, to discredit them somehow. To fix it.

But there was going to be no simple fix to this.

She was going to have to fight.

Or they’d take Madi.

“Clarke,” Bellamy said softly and his voice was clearer than the rest, cutting through the water and blood in her ears. “It’s going to be okay,” he tried to reassure her. 

“Nothing is okay,” she breathed and she’s not even sure if there was a voice attached to the words or if her lips just formed each word soundlessly.

He brought her into his chest and it was only then that she could breathe deep, inhaling his scent like it was all her lungs would accept. The only thing keeping her conscious. She focused on it. Used his scent and his arms around her like an anchor, keeping her tethered to the world so she wouldn’t float away, or drown in the depths of her despair. 

“Auntie?”

The small little voice came from the stairs, the sweet, sleepy toddler voice of a girl that Clarke would gladly lay down her life for. That she knew anyone in that room would lie their lives down for. 

Madi’s home was _here_ , with all of _them_. Not with grandparents who up until that point never even acknowledged Madi as part of their family, who Glass had once told her were partial to using fists and sticks as discipline. 

They may be Madi’s blood, but _Clarke_ was her family. 

She stepped away from Bellamy’s embrace, her brain registering how wet his shirt was and Clarke hadn’t even realized she’d been crying. 

“He - hey sweet girl, what’re you doing up?” Clarke approached her carefully, the rest of the people in the room allowing them space. 

“I thirsty. Why you crying?”

Clarke swallowed back a sob, refusing to break down in front of her. She shook her head. “Nothing for you to worry about. You’re thirsty?” she asked. Madi nodded.

“Um, Clarke?” Murphy interjected, clearing his throat. “Emori and I can get her some water, get her back to bed. Unless - ” he hesitated. 

But Clarke was five seconds away from a full breakdown and there was nothing she wanted more than for Madi to be far away when that happened. She held herself together long enough to nod to him, then turned back to Madi. “What do you say? You want Murphy and Emori to tuck you back in?”

“Okay,” Madi agreed, rubbing her eyes sleepily. 

“I love you, Mads,” Clarke told her, starting to lose what little control she had left. 

“Love you,” Madi yawned as Murphy stepped up, and brought the little girl into his arms. Madi tucked her head into his neck and would probably be back to sleep before she even drank the water she’d requested. 

Murphy gave her a nod as he started up the stairs, Emori following just behind,and she didn’t miss the anger, the pure rage flaring hot in his eyes, his expression hard. But his voice was soft as he rubbed Madi’s back, talking to her gently, “Let’s go, kiddo.”

Once she was sure Madi wouldn’t be able to hear her, she let go, violent sobs wracking her body as she succumbed to the terror of losing her. 

_They could take Madi away._

Bellamy’s arms were back around her in an instant, and she gripped the sleeve of his shirt with frantic hands, scrambling to find purchase. His chin was on her head and she knew he was crying too, as the wetness started to seep down through her hair to her scalp. 

“It’s okay, I’ve got you, I’m with you, I’m here,” he repeated, a mantra meant to calm the both of them, she was sure. Somehow, between him and Raven, they got her to the couch, where she curled herself up as small as possible, praying this was all a bad dream. The anger would come, she knew it would, the white hot fury already boiling in her stomach, rising up in her. She knew that when it came down to it, her tears would dry and her spine would morph from bone to steel, and she would fight to the death to keep that girl. She would burn the whole world down before letting those people take her.

But for now… for now the anxiety had a firm grip on her and refused to let go.

***

Bellamy felt selfish; Madi wasn’t his daughter, he didn’t lose his best friends in a car accident, nobody was threatening the unthinkable.

But he trembled all the same. He feared the worst all the same. He cried like all of those things were true, all the same. 

What Clarke felt, he felt, and as he felt her body shuddering with each new sob that escaped her throat, a sob erupted from him. They were his family and he didn’t give a damn how long they’d known each other or what anyone said. He’d throw himself in front of them in less than a second. 

And there was no way in hell he was letting Clarke fight on her own. None of them would. 

After a while, her sobs turned to sniffles and she picked her head up off his shoulder. Raven had maintained her spot next to them on the couch, clutching one of Clarke’s hands. After putting Madi back down, Emori and Murphy were now lounging around various points of the room, occasionally switching positions. Murphy was acting like a bit of a guard dog, occasionally peeking out the window or fiddling with the lock on the front door, just to make sure it was still engaged. He paced around the most, a look of stone across his features. Emori was currently perched on one of the stools on the island, going through the papers the process server had brought. 

“Clarke?” he asked tentatively, though he wasn’t really sure what it was he was asking.

She nodded at him, a determined expression now on her face, all tears having subsided. Her voice was hoarse when she spoke, like her tears had spilled down her throat as well as down her face. “I’m okay. It’s going to be okay.”

“No one is taking Madi from you,” Raven told her, a razor sharp edge to her tone. 

“Rae’s right. Wells and Glass left Madi to you, not to them. They can try all they want, but this is not happening,” Bellamy told her, more bite to his voice than he’d expected, the anger inside bubbling up to overcome the dread. Clarke’s resolved demeanor was infectious. 

“On what grounds do they even have a shot?” Murphy asked, disgust in his tone. 

Clarke shook her head, clearly irritated. “Their lawyer, Cage Wallace, is alleging that I’m an unfit guardian,” she repeated robotically from when she’d read the letter the first time.

“What the fuck?” Murphy exclaimed, throwing his hands up. “ _I_ had an unfit mother. _Raven_ had an unfit mother. You are far more capable than most.” It was a point that Bellamy himself had made to Clarke not long ago when she had been second-guessing herself.

Clarke huffed. “Thanks, Murphy.” She sighed and laid her head on the back of the couch.

Raven scowled. “This is unreal.”

“Why would they even think they’d have a shot at proving that? And why _now_? After almost a year?” Bellamy asked, confused. He’d barely heard anything about Glass’s parents, only that Glass had been adamant Madi not go to them. Surely that meant something.

Clarke stood and started pacing. “I have no idea, but I haven’t even _heard_ from them since the funeral. They flew in, barely said two words to Madi and then left immediately after. She doesn’t even - she has no relationship with them. They wouldn’t acknowledge that she was their grandchild. No birthdays, holidays…” she told them, getting angrier with each step around the room it seemed like. “They _hated_ that Glass had her out of wedlock, even if she ended up marrying Wells…” 

“Okay, well this is good. All of those things will help your case,” Raven pointed out. “I mean, not great because they sound like entitled assholes, but still.”

Clarke nodded rapidly, seemingly taking in what Raven was reassuring her as helpful.

“Right. Okay,” she stammered to herself, making her way to the kitchen, sniffling again and wiping her hands down her face. “Where’s my damn phone, I need to - ” she muttered. He bit his lip, trying not to stop her from doing what she felt she needed to do, but by the looks of the others in the room, knew he should at least say something. 

“Clarke, it’s almost 10:30. Who are you calling?” he asked, walking over to her. He understood her need to do something _right then_ , but it was too late to accomplish anything that night. She’d be too exhausted and emotionally spent to think clearly at all. And this was something that should be thought through calmly and with a focused mind. 

“I, uh, I have to - I need to call Kane. Marcus Kane, the, uh, my, uh lawyer. Wells’s lawyer. Our families’ lawyer. Family friend. He needs to start - he needs to figure out why - ” she continued to ramble, darting around the room aimlessly. He could see her phone sitting on the coffee table, in plain sight. But in her agitation, Clarke apparently hadn’t seen it.

He walked over and picked it up, coming to stand in front of Clarke, holding it out for her. 

“Oh, you found it, thank you. Okay, Kane, K’s…” she murmured, her thumb scrolling through. He could see her jaw tense, her brows furrowed. She was shaking slightly, her body trembling as it fought to balance her tiredness with the adrenaline pumping through her veins. “Or is it under M’s for Marcus? Fuck I don’t remember what I put it under,” she mumbled to herself. 

“Okay, Clarke, stop for a minute.”

“Bellamy, no, I’m fine. Seriously I need to do this.”

“And I’m not going to stop you if you really feel like you need to make this call tonight. But - ”

“What?” she asked, impatiently, finally looking up at him. She glanced around at the various states of pissed off, worried, and anxious faces surrounding her. “I’m fine. This is fine. Everything is going to be fine.”

“Hey, we’re on your side here, okay? I’m on your side, always. I love you and I’m with you, all the way,” he reminded her. He hesitantly placed his hands over hers, the phone slipping from her hands back into his as she let it go. “Nothing is going to change if you make this call now, or in the morning. You’re exhausted, Clarke. You need to rest before you jump into this.”

He looked into her eyes, the desperation and panic evident. He’d always been able to see into her mind, into her heart by looking into her eyes, but what was he supposed to do if the heart he was looking into now was so clearly breaking?

“I’m in this with you. We all are,” he said again, steadily, firmly, tossing her phone to Murphy who was standing a few feet away and Bellamy placed his palms on her neck, his fingers tangled in her tresses. _Fuck_ , she really was shaking. He could feel the vibrations of her body, coiled tight, trying to maintain what little control she could manage. 

“I can’t lose her, Bell,” she said softly. “She’s my kid, my - my daughter, Wells’s daughter, Glass’s daughter. They trusted me, to keep her safe. I can’t lose her.”

Bellamy knew how momentous it was for Clarke to call Madi her daughter. He knew she considered her that already, but it was the first time he’d heard her say it out loud. If any situation called for it, it was this one. He could see the terror reflected in her eyes too, the fear that she’d let her friends and Madi down all at the same time. 

“You won’t, okay?” 

“I’m going to fight. I have to fight for her.”

“Of course you are. And so are we.”

Clarke nodded rapidly again and he pulled her into his chest, cradling her against his heart, hoping she would be able to use it as an anchor, something for her to hold onto to calm her anxiety. 

Some time later, after everyone had left, words and looks and hugs of support had been given in generous amounts, there was no one left but him and Clarke. He didn’t want to leave her, but he had never spent the night with her, and wasn’t sure where she stood on that anymore. They’d had their moment in the field last weekend, and while the rest of the week had inched closer to that moment - fingers clawing hungrily at clothing, hair tousled, legs hitched up, hands wandering and exploring, they hadn’t yet taken that step. And now wasn’t the time for it either. His heart was with her, beat for her, and he really didn’t want her to be alone that night, but he was unsure how to approach it without sounding like he was expecting something _more_. In fact, it was the farthest thing from his mind at the moment.

Thankfully, he was spared the awkward conversation when she grabbed at his hand, intertwining their fingers firmly and gave him a look that begged him to follow. 

He’d follow her anywhere.

When they reached her room, she left for a moment, murmuring an _I’ll be right back, I want to check on Madi_. He walked around the room, this being only the third time he’d ever actually been in here. Once when he’d carried her to bed, and then last weekend to grab her some spare clothes after getting caught in the rain. 

Her dresser was the wide kind instead of tall, sketches and pictures strewn about, receipts from everywhere he could think of, the watch of her father’s that she wore on occasion, a necklace or two, various clips and ponytail holders. He chuckled a little at the disarray, feeling a little bit like this was what the inside of her head was constantly like. Always spinning with a hundred different plates. 

Bellamy picked up a sketch of him, and he realized it was of the day they’d had in the snow, when he’d taken them to the park to sled and make snow angels. That day had been incredibly special to him, to share it with them, and his heart swelled knowing it meant something to her too. 

He’d just picked up a dead flower, a long stem of smashed lavender that almost crumbled under his touch, when she spoke.

“That was from our date,” she told him softly. He spun around, almost dropping the flower, to see her leaning against the doorway, a small smile on her face. He glanced down at the dead flower in his hand, and remembered that it wasn’t lavender at all, but the small bellflowers that grew wild where they’d gone last weekend. In their haste to leave amidst the rainstorm he hadn’t even realized that she’d taken it. “I wanted something to remember the day by. It’s a little crushed, having been squished in my pocket as we ran, but…” she breathed deep and pushed off the doorway, coming to stand just in front of him. “Anyway. Here,” she said, reaching past him to grab another sketch - a replica of the one they’d had to leave behind to be destroyed by the rain. 

It was beautiful, capturing the colorful field almost exactly, bellflowers and marigolds and other flowers he had no name for. 

“I gotta say, I did _not_ redo my own drawing like you did. Hope you’re not disappointed,” he told her, his lips quirked up to the side in a cheeky smile, making her breathe out a little chuckle. “Madi okay?”

Clarke nodded. “Fast asleep and none the wiser.” Her eyes connected with his only a moment before flitting away. “I”m sorry, by the way, for snapping at you downstairs.” She shook her head. “That wasn’t fair to you… you were only trying to help. And I was… a little manic. I wasn’t thinking.”

He put a few fingers to her chin and drew her face upwards, forcing her to look him in the eye. “Mama bears don’t think, they just protect their young.”

“You think I’ll still get to be her mama?” Clarke asked carefully, timidly. Like if she voiced it out loud, she’d jinx it. 

He nodded. “I do.”

She put a hand to his wrist, fingers clasping around his pulse point. “I love you, you know that?”

“I do,” he repeated. “I love you too. We’re in this together, okay?”

“Together,” she echoed before pulling him to the bed. “I don’t want to be alone tonight…” she told him, “Stay with me?” 

He leaned down, pressing a kiss to her lips. “Always.”

***

Clarke’s eyes and head hurt the next morning, pounding like she’d been punched in the face instead of just in the heart. Her eyes stayed closed and her throat let out a low groan as she hid her head under her pillow to try to ward off the world.

The bed moved, shifted with the weight of someone else and Clarke was suddenly very awake, shooting upright in shock. When she glanced to her right, she saw Bellamy still fast asleep, shirtless on his side facing her, arm outstretched like he was reaching for something. 

Reaching for her. 

Clarke’s posture softened, her body sinking back down into the fluffy blankets. He was unbelievably attractive like this, hair a mess, mouth parted slightly, chest inflating and deflating with each breath he took. Her eyes raked over him, not at all embarrassed to be waking up next to him in her bed for the first time, even though they hadn’t done anything last night. She’d asked him to stay, and he had. 

She glanced at her clock, noticing it was pretty early still, and she tried to ward off the panic that was still somewhere in her chest, threatening to pull her under like it had the night before, the shock having not completely worn off after learning Madi’s grandparents were trying to take her away. Clarke still wasn’t sure what basis they had for the petition, but she knew she’d find out soon enough. 

She had finally remembered why their lawyer’s name sounded familiar while she was on the couch crying the night before. Cage Wallace and his father Dante ran Mt. Weather, one of the largest law firms in Chicago, where Glass was from, always ready and willing to get the lowest of the low off with nothing more than a slap on the wrist. She remembered Glass talking about them, how she grew up with them as family “friends” - Cage was only a couple years older than they were, groomed by his questionable morals father to take over the firm at some point. 

It was why Glass had never come forward about the abuse she suffered. Clarke remembered being horrified when she’d told her and Wells, how her parents emotionally manipulated her and smacked her around as well, especially when Glass would fall short of their lofty expectations. 

Apparently Glass had told Cage about it once, when they were playing as children in the living room while the adults talked and drank in the dining room after a dinner, and Cage had only shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal and told her to _be better_. 

And now Cage was trying to help take Madi away from the only family left that she’d ever known. 

It was sick.

And pissed her off all over again. 

Careful not to disturb the man next to her, she leaned over to grab her sketchpad and pencil off her nightstand and propped herself up against the headboard. There would be so much to do later, and she needed to get her head in the right space in order to deal with it all in a mature, calm way. Flying off the handle would only serve to prove the Sorensons’ point that she wasn’t responsible enough to care for Madi.

She got lost in a drawing of the first thing that sprang to her mind, the last time she’d seen Wells and Glass with Madi, her friends on either side of their daughter, taking turns reading a book to the little girl. Madi, only two then, had fallen asleep before they could even finish the story, her head having tipped heavily onto Wells’s shoulder. 

It was the night of their wedding anniversary, the night they left Madi with Clarke so they could go out and celebrate. 

It was the night they’d died.

The image had been in her memory for the entire year, never far from her mind every night as she put their daughter to bed the same way they had. But until now, she could never bring herself to actually draw it, always afraid not to do it the justice it deserved. 

But if it ever started fading from her memory and she never got to share it with Madi, where would the justice be in that?

Some time later, she felt the bed shift around again, and Bellamy’s lips against her elbow. His warm hand gripped her bare thigh under the blankets, keeping her more heated than any number of blankets would ever be able to accomplish. Her leg shifted towards him and his hand twitched up reflexively in response before it stilled, his thumb only inches from where her body wanted it. She tried to tell her impulses that it was not the time, but the desire remained stubborn, simmering below the surface.

“What are you drawing?” he asked, voice deep and husky and thick with sleep and he pressed another kiss to her elbow. 

She looked down at him, and tilted her sketchpad towards him so he could see. It was an intimate thing, to share one’s art with someone else - it was a glimpse into their soul, into their mind and heart and Clarke didn’t hesitate to share every single piece with him. 

“Madi looked so little.”

Clarke smiled. “She was. I know she’s only three, but man she’s grown a lot in the last year. I can’t believe she’ll be four in a couple months.”

Bellamy hummed and kissed her again. “What’re you doing for her party?”

Clarke sighed heavily and put her sketchpad back on the side table, and wiggled down into the covers until she was laying on her side mirroring Bellamy. She felt his fingers shift as she did, his hand slipping up and under the oversized shirt she’d slept in to splay his hand over her bare spine. His thumb stroked her skin softly, and he pulled her in a little closer. 

“Well you seem to have gotten her stuck on Cinderella, so, something like that, I suppose.”

He hummed again and closed the distance left between their lips, lazily kissing her until she was breathless. His hand slid upwards, hiking her shirt up towards her neck. Her body tingled with want, with the idea of the sweet release of how tightly coiled she felt. It wasn’t long before their kisses turned hungry, their legs intertwining under the sheets. 

She fell onto her back and he pressed them into the mattress, his weight a comforting blanket covering them both, crowding her in so she could feel safe and protected and loved by all that he had to give her. 

She could feel him against her leg, his want as evident as hers. He pulled back to look at her, his eyes dark and searching, pooling even more warmth deep inside of her until her entire body throbbed. 

“Clarke, I don’t - are you sure?”

She nodded and surged up, cutting off any other words he had to say. His efforts renewed and she realized he’d been holding back for the last couple of weeks since they’d kissed that first time. The passion and fervor that he’d kissed her with before a small tealight in comparison to the fire he kissed her with now. 

Her hands roamed his shirtless torso, the contours of his muscles a map for her to learn. His skin was heated as usual and it was no wonder why he slept without a shirt. She’d once likened him to a human furnace, but that wasn’t a fraction of what he actually was - the sun. _Her_ sun.

Their breathing became more and more labored as he worked her shirt up higher and higher exposing her chest to him for the first time. He didn’t bother lifting it above her head yet, his enthusiasm for kissing skin he hadn’t yet apparently too tempting. She closed her eyes and arched into him as she felt his lips everywhere on her abdomen and chest, alternating kissing and licking, his breath hot and causing her to squirm. 

“Hold still,” he commanded, murmuring against her hip bone and using his hands to hold her down. But that just drove her crazier, his fingers _so close_ to where she needed them.

She laughed soundlessly because she was having a hard time inhaling the oxygen her lungs required. 

His lips suddenly left her hip and were on her mouth now, tongue swirling around and around and around with hers, making her dizzy. He pulled back and she opened her eyes to look into his once more. That signature smirk that she’d come to know so well was back on his face, his features radiating pure joy. His freckles were bright that morning, like the happier he was the more evident they were. He was beautiful. 

“What do you want, Princess?” he asked, his hand trailing down her side agonizingly slow. 

Her voice came out wrecked, stuttering in a way that she rarely heard come out of herself. 

“You… fuck, Bell, I need you - I want you to - ”

The creaking of her bedroom door sounded and like a bolt of lightning the weight left her body, sending her spiraling with confusion. Her head shot to the side towards the entrance of the room and she heard a loud thump coming from her right, presumably Bellamy hitting the floor. 

“Shit!” Bellamy hissed. “Ow!” Clarke tried to stifle a laugh at his predicament as she pulled her shirt the rest of the way down with not a second to spare as Madi came around the corner. 

“Hey sweet girl,” she greeted, grateful that she’d been able to project some steadiness in her tone, though her heart was still pounding away in her chest.

The little girl rubbed her eyes sleepily and yawned, coming to the side of the bed so Clarke could lift her onto the bed and into her arms. “I hungry, Auntie. Can I have breakfast?”

“Uh huh, of course you can. You go potty and I’ll get dressed, hmm?”

“Okay,” Madi agreed and slid off the bed. “Hold my blankie.”

“You got it. I’ll keep it nice and safe,” Clarke said very seriously, setting it down on the bed next to her. 

She guided Madi out of her room with a hand on the back of her head and kissed her soft, messy toddler bedhead and clicked the door shut behind her. Clarke turned and leaned back against the door for a split second before darting to the other side of her bed where Bellamy was. 

Clarke didn’t bother hiding the laugh that came out of her that time as she reached him. He was laying flat on his back, one arm slung over his head and resting his other hand on his abdomen. He groaned when he heard her and lifted his head.

“Yeah, yeah, so funny.”

“I mean… it sort of is,” she teased. “Now, come on. You need to get downstairs before Madi notices you were here the whole night. She’ll think you just came in the front door.” She extended a hand down to help him up.

She realized what he was going to do half a second before he did it, giving her a devilish grin as he tugged her down on top of him. Clarke let out an indignant huff as he did. 

Bellamy’s hands were wrapped around her waist, _over_ the shirt this time, and he held her to him. He lunged up, giving her a quick kiss. “I love you.”

Her heart stuttered; she’d never get tired of hearing those words come out of his mouth.

“I love you too,” she replied.

“Okay, now get off me before we get caught again,” he commanded, smacking her lightly on the ass.

“Get off y… you were the one that pulled _me_ down!”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he maintained, getting them both upright like she weighed nothing to him. She gave him a look and smacked him in the shoulder, but that only served to make him grin wider. 

“I’m going to go help Madi brush her teeth,” she told him, grabbing a pair of yoga pants and a normal sized shirt out of her drawer and putting them quickly on. Her back was to him when she did so, but when she turned back around, she could tell by the pink flush of his cheeks that definitely wasn’t there a second ago that his gaze had lingered on her anyway. 

Clarke bit her lip and couldn’t help but frown when she noticed his chest was no longer bare. She started walking backwards towards her door, smirking as she commented. “You know, it really isn’t fair that you look that good without a shirt.”

He snorted. “Oh yeah? _I’m_ the one that looks good without a shirt? I can think of someone else who definitely looks far better…” he trailed off, his eyes flickering down for just a moment before back up, his smug smile on full display, eliciting a small shiver to run up her spine. 

He managed to sneak downstairs, already halfway through making muffins by the time she and Madi joined him. 

“Bellamy!”

“Good morning kiddo. You two sleepyheads are finally awake, I see,” he teased, bopping Madi on the nose, causing the little girl to giggle. He gave Clarke a questioning look like _you think she bought it?_

Clarke just chuckled and made her way over to him, her eyes catching on the offending document from last night, and whatever smile was on her face fell, as she remembered the fight she was in for. They’d managed a little bubble that morning, a light in the darkness, but she could feel reality crashing back in. Bellamy followed her line of sight, his movements stilling as he noticed them too. 

She felt guilty, for not asking him how he was handling everything as well. Sure, practically it affected her far more than it did him, but she knew he loved Madi deeply and was affected by this as well. 

He walked over to grab them before Madi noticed the sudden change in atmosphere and put them over by the microwave on the counter, under some other ads and mail that Clarke had stored there. 

She gave him a small grateful smile and he responded with a small nod, and they went back to making muffins with Madi, who begged them, to no avail, to put marshmallows in the batter. They were halfway through eating the warm pastries when a knock sounded at the door and both her and Bellamy exchanged a look before he got up to go see who it was. She hated how nervous she was and she wondered how long it would take before she stopped being fearful that it was either someone coming to take Madi or attack her. 

“Blake?” she heard Murphy ask confusingly. She breathed a sigh of relief as Madi shouted in excitement.

“Murphy!” she exclaimed, running for the door and brushing past Bellamy, who stepped aside to let their friend inside. Madi was attached at his leg, clinging like a koala on a tree branch. Murphy over exaggerated his steps, pretending like Madi weighed a ton instead of being as light as a feather. For all of Murphy’s fears of having children, which she had heard about one night when Raven and Emori had come over, he was really good with them. 

“Hey what’re you doing here?” she asked, smiling in greeting. 

“You know, the two of you living next door to each other is confusing as fu - uh, confusing. I swear I always have to do a double take to make sure I knocked on the right door,” he complained half-heartedly. His eyes flickered over her quickly, eyebrows furrowing in concern for just a second before moving on, seemingly satisfied that for the moment that she was doing okay. “Anyway, I was wondering if I could get some help opening the parlor today.”

Clarke frowned, confused why he was asking for her help when he knew that she would be busy on the phone all day trying to figure out what steps she needed to take next regarding the custody battle _and_ having to pack for the New York trip they were leaving for the very next day. Maybe he was trying to distract her?

It was Bellamy that spoke her thoughts. “Uh, Murph, you know we’re always down to help, but today might…”

“You think I want your help?” he asked, scoffing. “You never follow directions, Blake. And Clarke, you’re too argumentative,” he chastised without weight, clearly teasing. “No, no. I came for the best, most hard working person in this house.” He crouched down to Madi’s level. “What do you say, Mads? You want to come spend a few hours with me and Emori at the pizza parlor? That is, if it’s okay with your Aunt,” he added, looking up at Clarke.

“Yeah!” Madi shrieked. “Auntie, please, please, _please_ can I go?!”

Clarke’s breath caught in her throat, tears instantly springing up. She tried to hold them back, but the unexpected thoughtfulness of the gesture was consuming. Clarke realized what he was doing immediately - taking Madi for the day to give Clarke some space to make her phone calls without a little eavesdropper in the room, to be able to talk freely and express whatever emotional rollercoaster she was about to go on without worrying how it was going to affect Madi. 

She nodded. “That sounds really fun, little one. Let’s go upstairs and get you ready to go, hmm?” she agreed, ruffling Madi’s hair a little bit. Madi ran as fast as her little legs took her, darting up the steps. “Don’t trip, be careful!” she called after her. 

“Can’t! I have to go to work!” Madi yelled back.

Murphy chuckled. “Sorry, I probably should’ve asked you first before asking her,” he apologized, a little sheepishly. “I hope it’s okay. I just thought - ”

Clarke shook her head and stopped him. “No, it’s… that’s a really… thanks, Murphy. Seriously.”

“Okay, no need to get mushy about it,” he scoffed, waving off her gratitude. 

She stepped over to him and wrapped him in a hug. “Take the mush, Murph.”

She looked at Bellamy over his shoulder and saw him leaning against the counter, arms folded and a smile on his face. It was like what he’d told her last night - she wasn’t alone in this. And he hadn’t meant just himself; there was an entire village here ready to protect and support her and Madi. 

Murphy returned the hug awkwardly and Clarke rolled her eyes and let him go, leaving to follow after Madi to help her get ready. Ten minutes later, Murphy and Madi were on their way, Madi waving at her and Bellamy from the backseat of Murphy’s Range Rover in the car seat Bellamy had installed while she was upstairs. 

Once they were back inside, Clarke went to get the documents and sat down next to Bellamy at the island. He put a hand soothingly on her back as she began to read them over again.

“Ready for this?” he asked quietly.

“No,” she answered honestly. “I don’t think I’ll ever be ready to go through something like this. But I am ready to _fight_ this. That little girl is _home_ , and it’s damn well where she’s going to stay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Warning:** The final arc is a custody battle with Glass's parents, and they were abusive to Glass when she lived with them, so that is mentioned. I don't make it too vivid, but it is discussed and talked about, so be aware. Also, there is a panic attack when Clarke finds out.
> 
> \--------------------
> 
> **END NOTES**
> 
> Whew! That was a heavy one, how are we doing? Guys, I cried along with Clarke as I wrote this. So terrifying! But we know that hope and family will prevail in the end (spoiler, I guess? I don't know, I feel like it isn't a spoiler to say that because my stories always end on a happy note). Also, we have New York and Jake and Abby coming up! So it isn't all dreary and heavy, I promise, there is some definite fluff in there. 
> 
> Also, I'm sorry if my knowledge of custody battles is lacking and I screw something up. I researched to the best of my ability, but I'm sure I got some things incorrect, so a bit of suspended belief might be in order. 
> 
> Hope you're still with me and I can't wait to hear your reactions!  
> ❤


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! Whew, finally! This is a bit longer of a chapter, and is our first in New York! Yay! I'm excited (and honestly, a little nervous) to get into this final arc, as it is JAM-PACKED! 
> 
> Unfortunately, however, it might be a few weeks before I'm able to update again as this holiday season is keeping me pretty busy (which was partially why this one was so late). I'm HOPING to get the next one out before the new year, but I'm definitely aiming for January 2nd at the latest. I'm so eternally grateful for each and every one of you that is reading this story!
> 
> My asks on [tumblr](https://dayo488.tumblr.com/) are open, if you have any questions!
> 
> ETA: There is a slight reference to sexual harassment/workplace harassment. It's not detailed and pretty quick, but I wanted to add that in anyway. 
> 
> Thanks everyone! Hope you enjoy!

Bellamy sorted through some school papers he’d brought over from his place, things that really needed to get done before they left the next day. They were spread all over the kitchen island of Clarke’s house and while he really tried to concentrate, his gaze kept wandering over to the woman on the couch, phone glued to her ear and hand to her temple, rubbing out a stress spot. She alternated between typing on the laptop open in front of her and pacing as she argued with whoever it was that was denying Clarke Griffin the information she sought.

“No, I’m telling you, I don’t care if he’s in a meeting, I need to talk to him now. I have a couple questions regarding a custody case… _no_ , I don’t want to hold,” she was saying frustratedly at the moment, trying to get a hold of someone in Cage Wallace’s office presumably.

Yeah, he definitely didn’t envy them.

She’d spent most of the morning on the phone with Kane, explaining what was going on and sending him screenshots of the documents. Kane had advised Clarke to call the Wallace law firm, introduce herself, and say nothing more. It was a gesture of good will… something that he could tell was not something she was keen on giving them. 

But, as Kane had tried to explain to the both of them, you catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Clarke had simply set her lips in a thin line and nodded, though Kane obviously couldn’t see her. Both her parents and Kane assured her they were going to fight tooth and nail for Madi to stay where she was, to make sure Wells’s and Glass’s wishes were honored, regardless of what the Sorensons tried. 

Clarke had called Kane about twenty minutes after Murphy and Madi left, and from the way it had sounded when Clarke explained the situation, Kane was very familiar with Mt. Weather and Bellamy could hear the distress in his voice for the duration of the conversation. 

She hung up her phone, pushing the end call symbol so hard Bellamy thought she might actually break the screen. She shouted frustratedly and picked up a couch pillow to hurl across the room. She tossed her phone on the coffee table and slumped on the couch. 

“Fucking idiot lawyers and their fucking holier than thou attitude and their fucking lack of morals,” he heard her mumble, and he could only imagine her murderous expression. 

“They didn’t put him on the phone, huh?” he asked the obvious. She stood and strode over to him, sitting heavily in the chair next to him. 

“No. Fuck good will. I don’t want good will with him. I want him to fucking _cower_.”

A proud smile crept up on his lips. He leaned over his papers to kiss her softly. “And you will. You’d make me cower,” he offered.

She rolled his eyes and chuckled dryly, leaning to rest her head on his shoulder. “Not really who I was going for, but thank you,” she sighed, resting her hand on his thigh. “I need a break from thinking about all the ways this could go horribly fucking wrong. Distract me,” she implored. He raised an eyebrow at her possible insinuation. Clarke rolled her eyes again. “Not _that_. I meant all of this. Is this for the trip?”

He laughed, trying to shake off the warmth that automatically came with the idea of finally being with Clarke in that way. He could hardly believe it’d only been a few hours since she laid out under him as his hands and lips had roamed new territory. She squeezed his thigh a little bit and gave Bellamy a look that told him he wasn’t the only one thinking of that. 

Bellamy cleared his throat. “Yeah. I did some research of the different pieces that would be in the current exhibit, put together some information on it for the kids. I want them to learn something and not just get a free trip to New York, you know?”

“Yeah, I have some sketchpads I’m handing out to them too, I’d like them to create a memory book of sorts. Things they found interesting, things they want to work on, artistically, that kind of thing. I want to see what they see, and how they see it.”

He shook his head. “Worst teachers ever. A trip to New York and we’re giving them work to do.”

Clarke sat up. “Yeah, but the more they reflect on it, the more they’ll remember. One day - far, far in the future, they’ll be happy we had them do it.”

“I’m not quite as convinced, but I’ll choose to believe you anyway,” he agreed. “You all packed?”

Clarke sighed and put her head down on the table. “No,” she mumbled. “I’ve been so busy trying to get a hold of Cage Wallace and texting and talking with Kane I didn’t even think about the fact that Madi and I will need actual _clothes_ when we get there,” she groaned. “Oh, I forgot to tell you, I told you my parents that you’d be coming with me.”

He lifted an eyebrow. “And?”

She smirked. “Yeah, that’s going to be fun.”

“Do they not want me to come?” he asked, anxiety bubbling up in his stomach. 

She reached out a hand to him. “No, I’m sorry, it’s not that. In fact, it’s the opposite. They are _thrilled_. To be honest, they may be more excited to meet you than they are to see their only daughter,” she told him, a note of faux irritation in her voice. 

He leaned over to kiss her cheek. “Oh don’t worry, I’m sure they still love you. Even if they end up liking me better.”

“Shut up,” she scowled mockingly. “Oh, and Kane said he and Callie would be joining us as well. So we can all talk about things as well, in person.”

“Callie? Is that his wife?”

“It is. And my mom’s best friend. Both Callie’s and my mother’s parents were surgeons, so they practically grew up together. Both went to the same private school, med school, residency, the whole nine.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah, she’s like an Aunt to me. In fact Marcus and Callie were the ones who would get custody of _me_ if anything happened to my parents when I was younger,” she furrowed her brows a little. “I’m glad that didn’t happen though,” she commented wistfully, clearly thinking about how Madi did have to live through that very thing happening. 

He covered her hand with his. “Me too.” She was staring at the table, clearly lost in thought. “Hey,” he said, trying to gain her attention. And when her gaze turned up to him, he put a hand up to the side of her face to hold her stare and told her, “I love you, you know that?”

She relaxed into his hand as his thumb swiped softly across her cheek. “I do,” she replied. “I really do. And I love you too. Thank you, for going through this with me. There’s no one else I would rather have fighting by my side than you.”

“Always.”

***

“Okay, Mads, you ready? Got everything?” Clarke asked. It was the morning they were to leave, and as usual, they were running behind. Bellamy was waiting for them out in the truck, already having loaded up their bags, but Clarke wanted to do a run-through to make sure they didn’t forget anything. It was a five day trip and she wanted to be prepared. “Your blankie, bunny? Nightlight?”

Madi shrugged. “I dunno.”

Clarke sighed. Madi _was_ only three. And Clarke had done the packing, so of course she wouldn’t have any idea whether all the necessary items were packed or not. “Okay, go hop in the truck. I’ll lock up.”

“Okie dokie!” She ran for the door, swinging it wide and Clarke lunged for it before it could bang against the wall. There was already a sizable dent on the drywall where it’d hit one too many times. Bellamy had offered to fix it for her, but that didn’t mean she wanted it to get any worse. 

She climbed in next to Bellamy after securing the house. “Hey,” she greeted. 

He smiled and leaned across the center console to give her a kiss, a quick little peck, but it made a shiver run up her spine nonetheless. Ever since yesterday morning when they’d gotten _so close_ , every little touch or look or kiss, no matter how innocent, felt like it was setting her body on fire. She craved him, all of him, and she was having a hard time focusing most of the time on anything else. 

Except for, well, the impending custody battle. 

Madi giggled from the backseat, a silly little noise that she made every time she saw them kiss. The first time the little girl saw it, a couple of days after she found out they were together, she likened them to a prince and princess, thankfully she wasn’t quite at the age where she found kissing gross yet. Bellamy had smirked at the term, calling her _princess_ for the rest of the evening, just because it made Madi smile every single time.

It amazed Clarke sometimes, just how incredible he was with her. Completely natural, like they were meant to be in each other’s lives just like Clarke and Bellamy were. Watching the two of them made her heart swell with affection and adoration, and an immense thankfulness that the three of them had found each other. She hated the fact that it came at the expense of Wells and Glass losing their lives, but still, they were making the best of a situation that was beyond any of their control and somehow had found happiness in the midst of the suffering. 

They parked in the lot at the school, where everything and everyone were bustling around busily. Each of the ten students that were chosen got to bring a parent along as well, if they wanted. So everyone was hustling about, saying goodbye to whichever parent and/or siblings that were being left behind as they got the bus loaded. New York City was only a couple hours away so thankfully they wouldn’t be stuck on it for very long. 

Bellamy grabbed the bags out of the backseat while Clarke unbuckled Madi. “You want to take the bags to the bus while I install the car seat? Or vice versa?” he asked, walking to stand next to her.

Clarke set Madi down, who started running for Hope, despite Clarke’s calls to wait. She sighed and turned back to Bellamy who wore an amused look on his face. “No, you can have this damn thing. Why do you think I let you be the one to switch it between our cars every time? I would _much_ rather lug 50lb bags to the bus than even _attempt_ to wrangle that onto a school bus seat.”

Bellamy laughed and shook his head. “I think the only bag that weighs 50lbs is yours,” he pointed out in a teasing tone, leaning a shoulder against the truck. 

“Hey, half of that is for the girl,” she nodded towards the direction of Madi, who was giggling with Hope excitedly a little bit away, Diyzoa standing right next to the girls. They exchanged a look, and Clarke smiled and nodded towards the woman, and if she wasn’t mistaken, Diyoza’s eyebrow lifted _just_ slightly.

“So then why does Madi have her own bag if all of her stuff is in yours?” he asked, and Clarke saw that twinkle still in his eye and a smirk on his lip when she turned her gaze back to him. She wanted to kiss it off his face so badly, but this was hardly the time. They still hadn’t even discussed their relationship with Diyoza yet, so kissing in the middle of the parking lot for all to see was probably a bad idea. He held her gaze for a bit longer, before leaning forward, close enough to whisper and have her hear him, but far enough to still _look_ innocuous enough. “I know what you’re thinking.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Oh you do?”

He inhaled deeply. “Yeah, I think I’ve got a pretty good idea. Too bad we can’t do anything about it.”

She shoved at his chest, knocking him back a step and she sucked in some air through her teeth. “Yeah, it’s too bad…” she trailed off, giving him a small smile and grabbing his bag off the ground, shouldering it easily. He was right, it definitely weighed nothing next to hers. 

Clarke set Madi’s bag on her other shoulder and extended the handle on hers and made her way over to the bus while Bellamy was left at the truck, chuckling as he unbuckled the seat from the back. 

She handed it off to the guy loading the bags under the truck and went to collect Madi. “Auntie! I can’t wait! Hope says she’s sitting next to me!”

“She is?” Clarke asked with a smile and reaching down to bring Madi up into her arms. “And I thought I was sitting next to you!”

Diyoza piped in. “I think she meant Hope is sitting _across_ from Madi. The front seats are the only ones with the attachments for their seats. Which I guess means that you and I get to spend some quality time together on our journey, Griffin,” she said, in that sharp but sarcastic way which made Clarke never sure if she was joking or not. 

“I guess so,” she agreed. “Come on,” she said, setting Madi on the ground and taking her hand. “Let’s go see if everyone is here.”

She waved at Diyoza and went to go check to make sure all the art supplies that she’d left Friday afternoon had been loaded. It wasn’t a lot of stuff, mostly just the sketchbooks she’d told Bellamy about and some sets of colored pencils Luna had left. They were good quality ones that she thought would make a good addition to the sketchbooks. 

“All set. Left front,” Bellamy told her, coming to stand on her side, hoisting Madi up easily into his arms when she reached for him. “The front two seats are the only ones - ”

“ - with attachments. So I’ve heard,” she finished for him. “Diyoza just informed me that we’ll be riding up side by side,” she sighed. 

“You think she knows?” Bellamy asked. 

“I wouldn’t be surprised. She seems like the kind of woman that not much gets past,” Clarke guessed. Which made her a little nervous considering this could be her and Bellamy’s last trip as teachers if Diyoza didn’t take it well or if there was some written in stone condition that would prevent them from staying teachers if they didn’t stop seeing each other. 

Just what she needed - another seemingly unsolvable problem. Diyoza had been incredibly understanding and accommodating thus far - especially with Madi, so Clarke hoped the courtesy would extend just a little bit further.

“I’d say that is a pretty accurate assessment,” he chuckled. “But I’m not worried about it. And you shouldn’t be either,” he told her. 

She swung her head around to look at him. “You sure?”

Bellamy shrugged. “Pretty sure. She’s sharp and seems unyielding, but - she’s fair. And honest. And she’ll appreciate the same in return. Look, if we’re honest, it’ll be fine.”

“Yeah, lying is baaaad,” Madi agreed, squeezing Bellamy’s cheeks together.

Bellamy made some silly noises at her through his now fish-lips and Clarke folded her arms, looking away to see that almost everyone was just about there. She reached in her messenger bag to pull out the checklist of people that they were expecting, since this part was one of her responsibilities. She waved Bellamy and Madi onto the bus, knowing that he’d sit next to her until she was able to take over. 

It meant more than she could describe, being able to trust Madi with him. She knew he would always protect her, look after her, care for her. Another thought then occurred to her, one that she knew that once she thought it, it was what she wanted so she made a mental note to take care of it sooner than later.

She checked the students off, one by one. Everyone seemed so excited, practically jumping out of their skin with anticipation as they climbed on the bus. Clarke was so grateful to Luna for starting this trip - it was a beautiful way to get kids thrilled about learning about both history and art.

Charlotte was the last one to arrive. Clarke was nervous she would bail, even if things had been worlds better since their talk and paint explosion and the counseling that Clarke knew she’d been attending. There was still some friction between the two of them, but since Clarke knew the core reason behind it, it was an easier relationship to navigate now. 

She’d been looking forward to meeting Charlotte’s mother finally, who, to Clarke’s surprise, had signed up to attend with her daughter. However, when Charlotte approached the bus, Clarke noticed she was walking alone. She had a backpack slung over one shoulder and her duffle over the other, handing it off to the driver to store. Her earbuds were in so Clarke had to motion for her to take them out before speaking to her. 

“Hey, Charlotte, you excited?”

“Whatever.”

Clarke bit her lip. She _knew_ Charlotte was excited; she’d seen her on more than one occasion doodling on her papers in class in the Greek or Roman style that they were about to go learn about. One day about a week ago, Clarke had even glimpsed a book about the history of that same style in her backpack. Clarke’s lessons had been surrounding the different exhibits for the last week in preparation, but Charlotte’s assignments had been going above and beyond. It was the only time she’d seen Charlotte in an actual good mood. It was so refreshing that Clarke had half a mind to continue this unit way longer than she’d intended.

“This is going to be fun! You got everything, have any questions?” she asked, trying to rally Charlotte’s mood, since she could guess what had put the teen in such a sullen mood.

“No, I’m good. Can I just get on the bus Ms. Griffin?”

“Um, sure. But - ” Clarke puffed out a breath. “Your mom isn’t coming?”

“No,” Charlotte said, looking at Clarke full-on now. She could see how much this hurt Charlotte, and she hated that Charlotte’s mother had let her down. 

“I’m sorry.”

Charlotte shrugged. “Don’t be. I shouldn’t have bothered asking her in the first place. This will be better anyway. We get along better in small doses.” She glanced around before turning back to Clarke. “Where’s _your_ kid?” 

“She’s already strapped in. Mr. Blake is sitting with her until I can take over.”

Charlotte just smirked at her. “Of course he is.”

Clarke just hummed and shook her head, rolling her eyes as Charlotte popped her earbuds back in and climbed up to find her own spot. 

Clarke shook hands with the driver, thanking him for taking time out to take them up there and walked up the steps of the bus after him. 

The air in the bus was alive with noise and laughter, buzzing with anxious students and parents. 

“Auntie! I’m ready! Let’s go! What’s taking so long?” Madi demanded dramatically as if she’d been waiting an hour and not twenty minutes. 

Bellamy chuckled and answered for Clarke. “We have to make sure we have everyone, silly goose. If Auntie is here now, that means we’re about to leave though,” he teased, wiggling his eyebrows at the little girl. 

Madi giggled. “ _Finally!_ ”

Clarke shook her head. “Okay everyone, listen up!” 

When no one but a few quieted down, Madi tried shouting for her, a little hand to the side of her mouth. “Everybody be _quiet_! My auntie is trying to talk!” She wasn’t much louder than Clarke though, so it did little.

Clarke tried again, clapping her hands. “Alright! Settle down everyone!” This time, each seat quieted down like a wave, once they realized she was trying to say something. “Our trip is about two hours to the hotel, at which time we will have a few hours to settle in before we convene in the lobby for dinner at 6. Like the packet you were all given ahead of time with instructions, this is the only dinner that we’re going to require to spend together. The rest of the week the option will be there, but you are welcome to go _with a parent or teacher_ somewhere else. We will give all other announcements about the tour tomorrow at dinner tonight. Any questions?” When no one spoke up, she continued. “Okay then. This is our bus driver, Mr. Lemkin. We will all be nice and courteous to him, understood?” Everyone murmured in understanding or nodded, so she nodded back and went to take her seat with Madi. Bellamy stood and made his way to the back, sitting next to Myles, whose father also couldn’t make it.

They exchanged a look and a small smile before parting and soon enough they were on their way. Clarke reflexively checked Madi’s seat, though she knew it would be correct. She hadn’t been kidding earlier when she mentioned how much she despised wrangling this thing. It was big and bulky and took a ton of energy to get situated. She tried not to think about the way Bellamy’s arms flexed when he cinched the belt tight, making sure it was completely secure, or carried it around like it wasn’t the obnoxious piece of plastic Clarke knew it to be. All she wanted was to run her hands down his body, feel the hills and valleys his muscles made, smooth and sharp all at once, against her palms. 

That tension between them was winding tighter and tighter and she really needed to learn to control her thoughts. 

Clarke swallowed heavily, passing the fruit snacks that Madi was clamoring for over to her and leaned back against the seat. She watched over the next hour as she happily ate her favorite snack, and commented on almost everything she saw out the window. She’d ask for help with the names of a few different things, looking at Clarke with those big brown eyes, beautiful and full of wonder and curiousness. She loved that Madi loved to learn and hoped that as she grew, that affinity would stick around. 

She also hoped she’d be around to see it.

“Ms. Griffin,” she heard Diyoza call to her, and Clarke turned. Hope was sleeping soundly in her seat, a little stuffed doll clutched in her small fingers. “I have to say, I am very happy with how well you’ve fit in here at Arkadia. The other teachers say you’ve a great addition to my faculty.”

“Uh, thank you,” Clarke accepted. “I’ve really enjoyed being here as well. You’ve assembled quite the remarkable team. And please, call me Clarke.” _Also, please don’t fire me. Please don’t fire me._

Diyoza nodded at her. “I took over this school about 8 years back. It was being run by a man - Paxton McCreary. He was strict, harsh, and controlling, to say the least. He had only one woman on his staff - me. The others had quit due to, well, let’s just say they weren’t a fan of his behavior.”

Clarke nodded in understanding, fuming because unfortunately she did understand what it meant to be around a man who wouldn’t take no for an answer. 

“He only tried once with me. And that was his downfall,” she told Clarke. She was still unsure _why_ Diyoza was telling her all of this, but she continued to wait patiently. “Clarke, I have been fighting the abuse of power my entire life. First it was in the military, people who didn’t think that a woman should hold the title of Colonel, fought against the role that I deserved. And then here, at the school. I’m not a dictator, Clarke.”

“I never thought you were. You’ve always seemed very fair, and understanding.” _Shit, she is going to fire me._ Clarke glanced back at Bellamy, who had clearly picked up on the conversation and was watching closely, though Clarke doubted he could hear them from where he was.

Diyoza nodded again and leaned over, pulling a manila envelope out of the bag at her feet. _Bad things always come in those envelopes,_ Clarke groaned internally. Wells’s letter, the custody summons, and now, her termination papers. 

“Here,” she said, placing the envelope in her hands. Clarke looked nervously up at the principal, and to her surprise a look of amusement crossed the woman’s features. “Oh come on, it’s not a bomb. Open it up,” she beckoned.

Clarke licked her dry lips, catching the bottom one between her teeth as she turned it over and opened the flap, pulling out the papers inside. Her eyes caught on the words at the top:

_Declaration of Relationship_

Clarke let out a breathy laugh and glanced over at Diyoza, who wore a shit-eating grin all over her face - not dissimilar to Murphy’s.

“Not much gets past me in my school,” she told Clarke, of which Clarke had no doubt of. “And I don’t have a problem with co-workers dating, Clarke, and I trust you and Mr. Blake more than most to remain professional anyway. You fill this out, I throw it in your files, you’re good to go.”

“You got it,” Clarke responded instantly. She glanced back at Bellamy and gave him a reassuring smile, hoping he’d understand that everything was okay. Diyoza was facing Hope now, tucking her blanket in around her. “So, um, not to rock the boat or anything,” Clarke began, hoping she wasn’t shooting herself in the foot by asking this. “But why didn’t you give me one of these with Cillian?”

Diyoza snorted and turned to give her a look. “Did I need to?”

Clarke frowned internally, exasperated that even Diyoza saw that Cillian wasn’t a serious enough relationship to warrant something like this. “No, you didn’t,” she affirmed.

“That’s what I thought. I have to say, between you and me, I’m not terribly upset about him and Josephine leaving us. I was about ready to suggest alternate employment for them anyway. Josephine wasn’t exactly…” she trailed off, pursing her lips. Clarke got the feeling it wasn’t really her business anyway, but if the stories Cillian had told her about the woman were anywhere near accurate, she couldn’t imagine Josephine being very responsible. “Anyway.”

“Well I - _we_ \- will get this filled out for you,” Clarke assured her. She breathed a sigh of relief, glancing to see Madi still coloring happily in her book. She leaned her head back against the seat, letting her heartbeat settle back into a normal rhythm after thinking she was about to be fired. Fighting for custody when you’re unemployed wasn’t going to be exactly helpful. 

She heard Diyoza chuckle a little and Clarke pivoted her head back to the woman. “What, did you think I was firing you?” she smirked.

Clarke chuckled. “To be honest… kind of?”

Diyoza huffed. “And what would you have done? Broken up with him?”

Clarke inhaled sharply. It was a question she was hoping she wouldn’t have to answer. But she also knew that the both of them were in this for the long haul and breaking up wasn’t what either of them wanted. “I think we would’ve figured something out.”

“You know, I actually believe that?” Diyoza huffed sarcastically. “In any case, to risk your careers like this, he must be pretty important to you.”

Clarke’s lips twitched up in a side smile, her heart warming at the significance of the word _important_. It seemed not quite big enough for what he actually was to her, but still, accurate enough. 

“He is.”

***

Once Bellamy helped Clarke get Madi and their bags and car seat up to their hotel room, he made his way to his, one that he was sharing with another teacher that had volunteered to join them on the trip - Dr. Santiago. He was the science teacher at Arkadia Middle School, and while Bellamy had known him for a couple years now, he’d never really had any meaningful conversation with the man. He was the one Josephine Lightbourne had decided to student teach under for the past year and a half, which probably explained why Bellamy had mostly steered clear. He’d heard rumors of the two of them in a relationship, but he was never one to pay close attention to gossip, and wouldn’t be surprised if the rumor was started by a student crushing on his/her teacher, or hell, it could've even been Josephine herself who started the rumor.

He’d heard that when Cillian quit for the opportunity in Washington, Josephine had joined him, since her father was the one that had tapped Cillian for the position anyway, so whatever was or wasn’t between her and Gabriel was most likely over anyway. 

Bellamy wished he could stay with Clarke and Madi, but he knew that wouldn’t exactly set the best example to the students. As weird as it sounded, he was so used to living within a few feet to her, that her room being on a completely different floor than his was a little disorienting. 

He walked in the room to see Gabriel on the bed - _the one bed_ \- with his glasses perched low, reading a book. Bellamy stopped short and looked around, as if somehow another bed would somehow appear spontaneously. 

“Hey, Bellamy,” he greeted, as if there was nothing at all strange about this.

“Uh, hey, Gabe. We - this is my room too, right?” he asked.

“Far as I know. They must’ve run out of rooms with two beds. I think I overheard someone in the lobby say there was a convention or something this week too,” the man shrugged, turning back to his book.

Okay, this wasn’t ideal, but it didn’t have to be a big thing either. Just because he’d have to share a Queen size bed with a man he barely knew when he was used to a King all on his own…

Bellamy sighed heavily and set his bag down by the dresser and pulled his phone out.

**_Bellamy:_ ** _You girls getting settled in okay?_

_**…** _

_**Clarke:** Eh. Madi is currently bouncing around on our bed and I’m absolutely going to end up with her feet in my face in the morning. _

Bellamy chuckled and shook his head, and could feel it drawing the gaze of Gabriel back over to him. 

**_Bellamy:_ ** _Well, at least it’s just you and her. I get to share a bed with Dr. Santiago._

_**…** _

_**Bellamy:** Don’t laugh. _

_**…** _

_**Clarke:** Too late. I’m sorry, that sounds very… cozy. I’m sure you two will get along great. Should I be jealous?_

_**Bellamy:** Absolutely. Especially since I’d rather be sharing a bed with you. _

_**Clarke:** But then you’d end up with Madi’s feet in YOUR face. You might have better luck with Gabriel._

_**Bellamy:** Nah, I’d still pick you._

_**Clarke:** Good answer. _

“So what’s so interesting over there?” Bellamy heard Gabriel ask, and sure enough when he lifted his gaze from his phone, the man was watching him carefully. “Girlfriend?”

Bellamy’s instinct was to deny it, but then he remembered that they didn’t really need to tread carefully at school anymore since Diyoza apparently already knew. He’d known her to be a shrewd observer, but he hadn’t quite realized _how much_ she could deduce. Still, he was relieved when Clarke had text him shortly after her conversation with Diyoza, explaining the declaration papers and that she was fine with their relationship.

“Um, yeah. It’s - new.” _Sort of_. Considering he’d been in love with Clarke for months now.

Gabriel’s lips crept into a smirk. “So the kids were right. And Jo.” He gave Gabriel a confused look, who sighed like he was annoyed for having to explain himself. It reminded Bellamy a bit of Raven when she’d say something way above his head about tech or mechanics and he dared wonder what the hell she was talking about. “There was a rumor about you and the art teacher - Ms. Griffin. I’ve only met her peripherally, but I’ve heard plenty from Jo. And Charlotte mentioned the other day to another student how much time you two spend together.”

Bellamy felt his face go red, and he sighed, realizing that maybe the only two people in the entire town that didn’t know there was more between him and Clarke (up until a few weeks ago) were him and Clarke. He ran a hand through his hair and set his phone down on the dresser. 

“Uh, yeah. I guess the rumors are right. I’ve heard a few about you as well, though.”

“Ah. Yes. I’ve heard those myself,” he told Bellamy, placing a bookmark in the book on his lap and setting it down on the nightstand. “And while Jo made her feelings _very well known_ to me, I never reciprocated. After college, I interned at Sanctum, the laboratory Jo’s father owns, did you know that?” Bellamy shook his head. If he knew Russell, then he probably already knew Cillian and he wasn’t sure if that sat well with him or not. “Anyway, Russell was experimenting with… well, classified technology that didn’t sit well with me, morally. So I moved out here and went back to my first love - teaching. And Cillian and Jo used their connection to me to talk Diyoza into jobs, albeit temporary for Jo, considering she wasn’t ever planning on sticking around for long.”

“So you’re not exactly upset to see them go,” Bellamy realized. 

“Not at all. Jo couldn’t care less about teaching or young minds. Kids actually freak her out,” he laughed dryly, and Bellamy was definitely starting to warm up to this guy. 

“We might get along after all.”

“I thought we might. I heard what you did, in regards to Cillian,” he continued to explain. “And while Cillian and Jo framed it as something inappropriate and untoward, I was impressed. It was obvious that you cared for Clarke, deeply.”

“I do,” Bellamy admitted easily, trying to keep the irritation he felt at Josephine and Cillian running their mouths off about the incident out of his tone.

Gabe nodded his head. “There’s coffee in the cabinet over there,” he gestured, picking up his book again and going back to reading. Bellamy made his way over to the cabinet in question and fiddled with the Keurig, wishing hotel rooms would just stick with regular drip coffee machines.

After getting his stuff as unpacked as he could, he pulled out the materials that he’d brought for the students and adults, setting them on the dresser so he wouldn’t forget to bring them to dinner. He was happy to be back in New York, this trip was always a highlight for him, and it was made all the better when he thought about getting to share it with Clarke and Madi.

\-----------------------------

“Okay, everyone, listen up!” Clarke was commanding, climbing up a few steps of the Met the next morning, as Bellamy came to stand next to Madi, who jumped up into his arms immediately. “Every single student, regardless of whether you have a parent here or not, _needs to stay with an adult_. Every single one. No one goes off alone. Like I said last night, we are exploring the Roman side of the exhibit today and tomorrow and the Greek side Wednesday and then Thursday is your choice! You’ll get to explore the rest of the museum, whichever exhibit you’re most interested in.”

Bellamy poked Madi in the belly, making her squirm and giggle, which was quickly becoming one of Bellamy’s most favorite sounds. “You excited to see some art, kiddo? This was one of your Auntie’s favorite places as a kid, you know.”

“Oh my goodness, Bellamy, she told me like a millllllion times,” Madi emphasized, rolling her eyes.

“A million, hmm? I didn’t know you could count that high.”

“Oh yes, I very smart. 1, 2, 3, 4...” she began, her little eyebrows furrowing in concentration and all her fingers splayed in front of her. “...8, 12, 16, 22, one million! See!” Madi exclaimed, beaming proudly.

Bellamy grinned at her. “Good job, Mads. I’m very proud.”

“Yep,” she affirmed, and jumped out of his arms as Clarke finished her speech and made her way over to them. 

“Good morning,” she smiled at him, touching his elbow lightly in greeting, as Madi wrapped her little arms around Clarke’s legs. 

“So feet in the face?” he asked.

“Like I said. I should’ve been a psychic instead of a teacher,” Clarke joked and smiled at him and it took just about every ounce of self-control not to kiss her. Just because they didn’t have to hide their relationship didn’t mean that they didn’t still need to act professionally. 

She caught his eye and he saw them widen and mischief cross her expression as her smile morphed into a smirk. Her hand on his elbow squeezed slightly, her thumb on the crease rubbing light over the sensitive skin. She leaned in, dropping her voice. “So how was _your_ night? Do I need to be jealous after all - is Gabe a better cuddler than me?”

He clicked his tongue and pretended to consider her question, though thinking too much about what it was like to have Clarke securely in his arms, wrapped around his body was not the best idea at that moment. Which Clarke seemed to sense if the knowing look on her face was any indication.

“I don’t know,” he teased. “I feel like I might need a refresher.”

Clarke hummed in understanding and maybe something like anticipation. “I guess we’ll have to arrange that at some point.” She dropped her hand so she could pick Madi up. “Okay kiddo, let’s go get our group.”

“Great, we’re with Mom and Dad,” he heard Charlotte comment from behind him and sure enough when he turned to face her and Myles, the less-than-amused scowl was all over her face. 

“Oh cheer up, Charlotte, we’re not that bad,” Clarke countered.

Charlotte scoffed. “You were _that bad_ before you two were together, and now I’m betting you’re just plain insufferable,” she sighed, but it held no weight or hint of cruelty like her barbs used to. She still had her sharp, sarcastic edge, but it was more teasing now instead of outright insulting.

“This will be fun! Mr. Blake and Ms. Griffin are great teachers and I bet we’ll learn a lot!” Myles said enthusiastically, to which Charlotte just rolled her eyes and adjusted her backpack. “Wait,” he said then, and Bellamy watched him lean in towards Charlotte. “What do you mean by _together_?”

Charlotte just snickered and grabbed his coat, dragging him towards the entrance where the other groups had gone. “Come on, let’s just get going.”

He and Clarke had decided on taking the two of them in their group, partially to keep an eye on Charlotte, mostly because Charlotte and Myles were the only two whose parents weren’t going to be able to make it. They were leaning towards going with Charlotte anyway, so they could better get to know her mother, though that had ended up not working out, clearly. 

“You too, kid, you want to stick with us or the boring grown-ups?” Charlotte asked, turning towards Madi with a mischievous grin on her face. 

“They not boring!” Madi insisted, but ran towards Charlotte’s extended hand anyway. 

Bellamy and Clarke exchanged a fascinated look, one that conveyed that they were both very interested in seeing how Madi being around was going to affect Charlotte - even in just that one question her entire demeanor had changed. 

“This should be interesting…” Clarke remarked.

“Maybe for super cool me it will be, but you’re just a _boring_ grown up,” he joked, as they took off after the three. 

Clarke scoffed, pretending to be offended, and shoved at him. “Hey, she included _both_ of us in that. And I’m an artist - nothing boring about that. History on the other hand…” she trailed, scrunching her face in a disgusted expression. 

“History is _fascinating_ thank you very much.”

“Hey, you guys going to bicker all day or can we maybe get a move on?” Charlotte called to them, Madi now on Charlotte’s back, and Myles carrying Charlotte’s backpack.

“Be careful up there, Mads,” Clarke warned and Madi nodded. “This is so fun! Charlotte my best friend now.”

Bellamy chuckled. It was rare that Madi met a new kid and _didn’t_ declare them her new best friend. And it seemed Charlotte was no exception. 

“You know, for a teacher, you sure have a cute kid,” Charlotte declared, turning and walking with Myles into the Entrance Hall. 

“Did she just say something nice to you?” Bellamy asked.

“Sshh!” Clarke demanded. “You’ll jinx it!” she laughed as they caught up with the kids. 

The rest of the day and evening went by fine - well, better than fine, actually. Charlotte was actually engaged, patiently answering every question of Madi’s (of which there were a _lot_ ), and even discussing the different styles and interpretations of the paintings with Myles and Clarke. There were a few arguments, when they didn’t agree on what something meant or was intended as, but she remained (mostly) respectful, if a little sarcastic, and seemed to really take alternate views into consideration. 

Bellamy was able to provide (predictably) the history behind the pieces, either in the subject or the artist’s life. He’d been to the Met a few times now, but it never failed to astound him each time. He never got sick of the beautiful architecture and the rich history and the respect for all the different cultures. Part of why he loved this trip was that it gave students a perspective and view of something other than small town America. Something to show them that the world was so much bigger than Arkadia - that all of these famous artists were from all walks of life like they were and that they could make a difference as well. 

After dinner and when it was time for everyone to be in their rooms for the night, Bellamy started down the hotel hallway to finish up his rounds to make sure everyone was where they were supposed to be, every bit of him completely exhausted but still wired awake anyway. His mind was buzzing from all they’d gone through that day and still had to go through that week. Not only did they have three more days of Met tours, but tomorrow would be the day that he was going to meet Clarke’s parents and discuss with Kane the best course of action in keeping Madi with Clarke. 

Bellamy closed his eyes and sighed heavily. He could still feel the small weight of the Madi’s head on his chest from earlier in the day, the poor girl having tuckered herself out with all the exploring she’d done. There wasn’t an opportunity or location for her to nap, so he’d offered to carry her while she snoozed away in his arms for the better part of an hour in the afternoon. He loved her so much more than her just being his girlfriend’s daughter and his heart actually hurt with the idea that they could lose her. She wasn’t his to lose, but the idea hurt all the same. 

“You’re not breaking curfew are you?” he heard the voice he knew almost better than his own tease. 

He opened his eyes and leaned against the quiet hallway wall, folding his arms across his chest as he smirked at her in defiance. She was clearly on her rounds as well. “So what if I am? You going to tattle to the Principal on me?”

She smirked and walked closer, and his nose picked up the usual scent of citrus that he was accustomed to at this point. “Hey, I’m no snitch.”

Bellamy hummed and pushed off the wall, placing a hand on either side of her arms gently, running his fingers lightly up and down the bare skin, far too pleased when it elicited a trail of goosebumps. She was wearing a thin t-shirt, too light for the weather outside, but the hotel was warm and cozy. His eyes were drawn down to her lips as she pulled the bottom one between her teeth only seconds before closing the gap between them, her arms winding tightly around his waist and her head laying over his heart. 

Bellamy splayed a hand over her spine, and one over her head, pulling her in securely. They stayed like that a moment, his need to hold her seemingly as great as her need to be held. 

“You okay?” he asked softly, running his fingers through her waves, grateful it was almost midnight and they were the only ones in the hallway. Not because they were doing anything inappropriate, but because it afforded them some much desired privacy. They were so used to living next to each other, spending time just the two (or three) of them, and now they hardly had two minutes to rub together. It’d only been a few days since she found out that Glass’s parents were trying to get custody and he knew she was overwhelmed. She was the strongest person he knew, but still, he was concerned.

Bellamy felt her nod against his chest, rubbing her cheek against his thermal. His heart picked up its pace at the motion and his fingers scrunched in her soft waves. 

Clarke sighed. “I’m just anxious for tomorrow.”

“It’s going to be okay, we’re going to figure it out.”

She huffed a little and lifted her head off his chest to look him in the eyes. His hand on her head shifted over her shoulder to connect with his other one, still holding her against him. 

Her lips quirked up to the side. “You still have hope?” she asked, practically whispering. 

He nodded slightly. “Are we still breathing?”

She smiled slightly, her shoulders releasing tension and her body melting into his. Bellamy dipped his head down, capturing her lips in a way he’d been wanting to do the entire day. She melted into that too, and he poured all his hope and sureness into it, desperate to remind her that he was there, that he loved her, that he’d fight for and with her. When they finally parted, they only went so far as to lean their foreheads against the other, needing to be connected on as many levels as possible for however long they had this moment. He didn’t know how long they spent like that, eyes closed and breathing each other in, but just as he was about to clear his throat to say something, she beat him to it. 

“I should go. I left Madi asleep in the bed. I have a monitor on her, but still. I don’t want her to wake up and realize she’s alone,” she whispered, lifting her head off of his. “Besides, if I stay here like this much longer, I’m going to fall asleep against you,” she smirked. 

Bellamy hummed deep in his throat. “I wish I could go back with you.”

“Me too,” she agreed softly, before detaching herself from his arms. His heart lurched after her, like it couldn’t bear to be anywhere but with her. “But I’m sure your new cuddle buddy is getting cold.”

“Stop,” he scoffed playfully, rolling his eyes at her and gripping her hand as she backed away, an delighted expression across her face. Their fingertips disconnected and she turned away from him, walking down the opposite direction so she could head back to Madi. He ran a hand through his hair and exhaled heavily, heading back to his and Gabriel’s room. His new roommate was sprawled out on the bed, and Bellamy chuckled at what Clarke would have to say about it if she were here. 

He laid down on top of the bedspread and slung an arm over his face, willing himself to get some sort of rest before the busyness of the next day arrived. Clarke’s face instantly entered his mind’s eye and he smiled reflexively to himself and wondered if there was ever going to be a time that she wasn’t the last person he thought about before he fell asleep, but hoped that day would never come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all are doing well and I'm excited to get into the next part of New York and our 'meet the parents' scene/s which will be way fun! Have a wonderful end of 2020 and I'll see you all soon!  
> ❤  
> Nicole


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! Happy New Year!
> 
> We are BACK with a super long chapter to make up for your wait ❤
> 
> I *should* be updating this until the end about once/week. Just depending on real life circumstances, like usual. 
> 
> I'm excited to share this chapter with you all! Hope you enjoy!

Clarke wasn’t nervous, per say. Her mother and father loved her and wanted her to be happy. Which she was. In fact, _happy_ didn’t even begin to approach what she was. 

And yet.

There was _something_ in her stomach that she couldn’t name. She knew it wasn’t anxiety or nervousness. But it was there nonetheless. She hadn’t felt like this at any other point in her life. Not with her boyfriends or girlfriends that she’d introduced to them in high school, not when she (stupidly) told them about Finn and Lexa in college. She was excited, sure, and while that particular emotion felt closer to the truth, she knew it wasn’t all there was rolling around inside of her. 

Bellamy, on the other hand, was the picture of steady, as usual. She could probably count on one hand the number of times she’d seen him unnerved, and this was definitely not one of them. Clarke liked to think she could gauge pretty well how he was feeling and what he was thinking, and part of her expected him to be more apprehensive than he was actually projecting. So, either she didn’t know him as well as she thought she did, or he was actually completely fine. 

“Stop staring at me,” he said, looking at her out of the corner of his eye while he set Madi in her car seat and walked around the car to get into his seat next to Clarke while she buckled the girl in. Her parents had sent a town car to the hotel - _of course_ \- and Bellamy had carried the car seat they’d brought with them so they could strap her in safely, but her parents always thought of everything and already had one ready to go in the back seat so they put the one they’d brought in the trunk. Clarke had to take the middle seat, but the car was spacious, as her parents preferred, so there was plenty of room. 

And besides, there were worse places to be than squeezed between Bellamy and Madi - the two people she loved most in the world.

“I’m not staring,” she argued petulantly, pointedly staring out the window to prove her point. “See?”

“Right. Super convincing,” he mocked. “Seriously what is going on with you?” he asked with a laugh, placing a hand on her leg. She turned to face him, his smile warm and open as his steadiness washed through her, starting at his hand and making its way up her body. It still astounded her, how a simple smile, how the low tone of his voice, the compassion, felt like a balm to her heart and her flurried mind. 

_Joy._

That’s what it was. 

It was _joy_ that she was feeling. 

She leaned forward and pressed her lips to his, a soft one, to anyone else, a regular old kiss that they’ve shared a million times, but somehow it was more than just some normal, unremarkable act. 

And sure enough, he tasted like joy.

They pulled apart and he took so much time opening his eyes that she wondered if he felt the same thing she did. Did she taste like joy too?

“What was that for?” he wondered when he finally looked at her again. His hand squeezed her leg just the lightest amount, both of them keenly aware that they weren’t alone in the car, as if they could ever forget with the giggling. 

“I love you,” she told him, not even trying to put what she was feeling at that moment into words that didn’t exist. “Thank you, for going through this with me.”

“No place I’d rather be,” he replied. She searched his face for any hint that he was just saying it because he loved her or because he’d already told her he would go through it with her, but she found nothing but complete sincerity. He was a man who spoke his mind and she would always love him for it. “I love you too,” he responded, squeezing her leg again.

“I love _both_ of you!” Madi shrieked, wiggling around in her carseat as much as her restraints would allow. 

They both laughed, and turned their attention to the girl. “And we love you, little one!” Clarke responded enthusiastically, leaning over to wiggle their noses together, which never failed to Madi giggle even harder. 

“What am I going to do with you silly girls?” Bellamy teased, pretending to be exasperated. 

“Give us candy!” Madi suggested brightly. “Milkshakes!”

Clarke laughed heartily and her and Bellamy exchanged an entertained look. “Hey I’m with the three year old,” she told him. “Milkshakes sound delicious.”

“Well, I suppose that can be arranged once we get back to Arkadia,” he sighed dramatically. “Whatever the hel - _heck_ you want,” he chuckled, lifting an arm to sling over Clarke’s shoulders and tucking her into his side the best he could with their seatbelts in the way. 

“Sounds perfect,” she teased, poking him in the side as he kissed her temple.

Yeah, there were worse places to sit than between these two.

\-----------------------------

Madi was knocking incessantly on the front door of Clarke’s parents’ house, over and over, making Clarke and Bellamy laugh and smile easily.

“Grandma! Grandpa! It Madi!” she called loudly.

“They’re here - Jake, get the door,” Clarke heard her mother say as heels clacked hurriedly against the hardwoods. 

They never much preferred maids or butlers. Clarke had a nanny to watch over her when she was younger, and a housecleaning (for the deeper cleans) and yard service that came every once in a while, but that was about it. Her father especially preferred to do much of the housework himself, since that was how he was raised. No matter how busy he was, he always tried to find time to do the laundry or dishes instead of having Clarke’s nanny having to do it. He often made some game out of it with Clarke, teaching her how to do those things for herself while getting to spend some time with her as well. 

“I hear that Abby,” her father said endearingly, and Clarke could imagine his eyes rolling. Bellamy gave her a small smile and she reached out to grab his hand, intertwining their fingers tightly. He breathed out a laugh and leaned over, kissing her temple sweetly. She heard the lock click and watched as Madi stumbled a bit with the inward swing of the big door. 

“Grandpa!” 

“Hey kiddo!” her father exclaimed, swinging the girl up in his arms and automatically tickling her, holding her securely to him so she wouldn’t fall while she squirmed away. “Oh how I missed you, Madi girl.”

Madi giggled and reached her arms out to Abby, who had very clearly noticed her and Bellamy’s joined hands and instantly took the girl from Jake, wrapping her in a hug and giving Clarke a knowing smirk over her shoulder. 

“Hey sweetheart, it’s so good to see you,” her father told her, turning her attention to his daughter and Clarke hadn’t really realized how much she’d missed them until this moment. She let go of Bellamy’s hand to step forward and wrap her arms around his waist and he tucked her in just like he used when she was little, setting his cheek against the top of her head.

“Hey, Dad.”

“And this must be…” Jake started once she’d stepped back, extending his hand for Bellamy to shake. She’d texted last week that Bellamy would be joining them, but hadn’t told them his name, just that she had someone she wanted them to meet. She knew her mother was on the edge of her seat, and the part of her that had always enjoyed teasing Abby goodnaturedly was thoroughly amused. 

“Bellamy Blake, sir,” Bellamy answered next to her, taking Jake’s hand. 

“Right, sorry. Yeah, Mom, Dad, this is Bellamy. Bell, these are my parents - Jake and Abby.”

“It’s wonderful to have you, Mr. Blake - ” Abby greeted warmly, stepping forward with Madi on her hip and trying to hug him with one arm, squishing the girl in between them. 

“Bellamy, please.”

“Can’t breathe!” Madi squealed, eliciting laughs out of all of them.

Abby smiled and stepped back, tipping her head at Bellamy. “Bellamy it is.” She turned to Jake, who had wrapped an arm around Clarke’s shoulders. “Should we go inside now? I know it’s spring, but it still gets pretty chilly in the evenings.”

“I’m making pork chops…” her father teased as they entered the foyer and the three newcomers started shedding their jackets onto the coat rack.

Clarke felt her eyes go wide. “With the gravy I like?” she asked excitedly, to which Jake responded with an affirmative smile and a wiggle of his eyebrows. She really was going to need to come back here more often. 

“Bellamy, piggy back!” Madi commanded, reaching her little arms out to him. Bellamy chuckled endearingly and turned around, patting his shoulder with his hand. 

“Climb on, munchkin.”

Madi giggled again, clearly in heaven being surrounded by so many people she loved, and she clamored out of Abby’s arms and onto Bellamy’s back, who wrapped his arms securely around her legs and hiked her up. Madi was almost too small to ride on his broad back, but Clarke knew he wouldn’t let her fall. 

“What kind of gravy?” Bellamy asked, as he came up next to her on their way into the living room. She saw his eyes wander at each new piece of decor or architecture as they continued on. This was easily the part of the introductions she was most nervous about - the obvious opulence of how she’d grown up. It wasn’t like there were gold statues or jewel laden wallpaper or anything ridiculous like that, but it was clear that pretty much everything in the room was custom made or very high end. She could tell that he remained mostly at ease, but that he also wasn’t entirely comfortable. 

“Uh, beer and bacon,” she told him a little distractedly. She really didn’t think it would be a thing and hoped that as the night wore on, his unease would lessen.

His wandering gaze swung back around to her. “What?” he asked with an undercurrent of eagerness. And with good cause - there was a reason why these pork chops were her favorite.

“Yeah, it’s my dad’s specialty. It’s seriously amazing,” she told him, touching a hand to his arm. Madi wiggled off Bellamy’s back when they reached the living room to go jump on Jake’s lap. 

Bellamy folded his arms across his chest and smirked at her. “If it’s that good, I’m going to have to get the recipe from your dad so I can make Murphy jealous.”

“Oh for sure,” she nodded, smiling back at him. Bellamy unfolded an arm so he could put a hand on the small of her back. 

“Come on over, you two! We can’t start the interrogation without you,” Jake called. Abby shook her head and laughed, smacking Jake lightly on the shoulder. 

“Oh my - seriously you guys,” she practically pleaded with her parents as she and Bellamy went to sit on the loveseat across from them. She was instantly comfortable, tucking her legs under her and leaning against Bellamy’s shoulder. He grabbed her hand reflexively.

“It’s okay, really,” he told her. 

“Uh, huh. You just wait. And remember you said that.”

Bellamy chuckled lightly. “Thank you, Mr. and Dr. Griffin, for letting me tag along with Clarke.”

“If we’re to call you Bellamy, please, call us Jake and Abby,” her father insisted. 

“So how has the Met been? Your students enjoying their time there?” Abby asked. “Bellamy, are you a parent or a teacher? I can’t seem to get any information about you out of my daughter,” she ribbed Clarke, giving her daughter a pointed look. 

“Teacher,” he answered. “History. I work in the same school as Clarke.”

“And is that you met? I mean, I am assuming you’re together?” Abby asked, forward as always. If there was one word to describe Abigail Griffin, it was tenacious. While Clarke and Abby loved each other fiercely, Clarke knew her stubbornness was inherited from her mother and they could bicker as intensely as they loved.

“We actually met before I started at the school. He lives next to the house I rent. It was a coincidence that we both ended up being teachers,” Clarke explained.

“Quite the coincidence indeed...” Jake teased, and Clarke felt a blush creep up her neck. 

“Yeah, and his sister is actually Octavia, if you remember her from college. She was friends with Wells and Glass too,” she said gently, turning her gaze to Madi, who had hopped off Jake and was currently rummaging through the basket of toys Clarke was sure her parents had gotten specifically for that evening for her. 

“Right. Octavia. She’s got spirit, that one. One of those rare, fiery, take-over-the-world kind of personalities,” her father laughed. 

Bellamy let out a bark of laughter of his own. “Oh definitely. It was a joy when she was a teenager,” he said sarcastically. 

“I’m sure,” Jake commiserated, giving a pointed look to Clarke. “I know a thing or two about strong-willed women. I lived with two of them.”

Clarke rolled her eyes and groaned. “Why did I come here again?”

“So I could spend some time with my girls,” Abby laughed, knocking her shoulder into Jake. “I spend too much time with this one as it is,” she joked. “It’s nice, hearing the house filled with your laughter again, dear. You’ll have to show Madi your old room at some point. I’m sure she’d love it.”

Madi’s head snapped up. “Can we go now? I want to see your room, Auntie!” she said, coming over to her. 

Clarke smiled and bopped her on the nose. “We will in a bit, okay? Maybe while the table is being set.” Madi sighed dramatically and made her way back to the toys.

“And yes, to answer your earlier question, we _are_ together, Dr. Grif - Abby.” He sounded so sure when he said it, so confident and calm that if his pulse against hers wasn’t racing, she would have no idea that he was at all nervous. Clarke squeezed his hand reassuringly. “I love your daughter, very much.”

Abby nodded and smiled. “I can see that. I look forward to getting to know you, Bellamy,” she told him honestly, but directly. He smiled and nodded and Clarke thought she fell even harder for him watching him be so open and willing with her parents. 

A half hour passed, full of laughing and teasing and talking about Madi and school and Bellamy’s life and Clarke’s house, everyone very careful to avoid the custody conversation like the elephant in the room it was. Clarke was grateful for it though, because she knew once they started to talk about it, it would bring everything back and she just wanted to enjoy her time with her parents first. 

Any anxious feelings over whether her parents and Bellamy would be too different to get along quickly dissipated - not that she thought for a second they wouldn’t like him, but they were from very different worlds and sometimes she knew that could get awkward. But her parents were kind, and dorky, and welcoming and she could feel Bellamy’s tension settle like hers did as the minutes passed. 

But reality soon soaked it’s way in when Marcus and Callie arrived and Clarke could feel her hackles rising with his mere presence. She hated that they did, considering for all intents and purposes, Kane and Callie were like family to her. But the family she had to focus on now was the one she had with Madi so she would just have to suck it up and deal with it. 

Her father excused himself to the kitchen to cook the chops as soon as they arrived and finally about another half hour of pleasantries later, Bellamy patiently retelling most of what he already had with her parents with the Kanes, her father announced the ten minute warning. 

“Hey Madi, you want to go check out my old room now? Maybe we can find a keepsake to bring home with us, hmm?” she asked, kneeling down by the little girl and brushing the hair out of her eyes like she always did, murmuring about yet another lost clip.

“Yeah!” she cheered and took off for the stairs, even though she had no idea where she was going. 

Clarke stood and turned to Bellamy. The Kanes had gone after her mother to the kitchen, so it was just the two of them. She walked around the couch to him. “You coming?”

“Are you sure you don’t want it to just be you and Madi?” he asked softly, running a hand up and down her arm absently. “I can hang out down here, help your dad finish up dinner.”

“I can’t do that to you - leave you to the wolves,” she shook her head.

“Go. I’ll be just fine with the wolves.”

“Okay… if you’re sure…”

“Just _go_ , Princess. I’ll be down here waiting when you girls are done.” He lifted his hands up to either side of her face and she could feel herself melting into his touch. Bellamy tilted Clarke’s head up to his, placing a warm and heartfelt kiss to her lips. She heard herself hum in contentedness when they parted. 

“Thank you.”

“I love you. Now go,” he commanded, waving her off, and she smiled and turned, taking off to find Madi, who had probably opened every single door she could find in her search for which one was Clarke’s.

\-----------------------------

“Madi?” Clarke called when she reached the upstairs landing. Sure enough, every door down the long hallway - seven in all, she remembered like the back of her hand - was wide open. She walked down to the second to last on the right, her old bedroom and leaned against the doorway, a wide grin spreading over her expression. Madi was staring open-mouthed in the middle, her head whipping every which way to take it all in.

“Oh my goodness - _so many trees_ , Auntie!” Madi exclaimed, walking forward to one of the elaborately painted walls and placing a hand to the tree at the center. 

Clarke had painted her walls when she was fifteen, tired of staring at the lavender and gray colorscape that her parents had picked out for her before she was ever born. She remembered that week like it was yesterday - Clarke had instructed her driver after school that day to make a side-trip to the hardware store for paint and supplies. Her art class earlier had been about expressing herself, and creating a creative environment that would foster hope and peace. The forest and mountains had instantly sprung to her thoughts, her mind painting the mural in her head before she even picked up the paintbrush. It was also the class that she’d heard the quote she started her new incoming class with every year. 

She had half worried whether her parents would be upset she’d done it, but in her heart she knew they’d be proud of her, and she had been overjoyed when she’d been proven right about that. In fact, they’d requested she paint another mural in their own room for them. 

“Do you like it?”

Madi nodded and spread her grin so wide Clarke could see every one of her little teeth. She clasped her hands together and bounced up and down, darting around every single piece of furniture so she could inspect it all. Clarke’s room was a burst of color and eclectic taste, the one room that she’d gotten to decorate all on her own. It was a stark difference to the rest of the house, but it was a lot like her and Madi’s home back in Arkadia. 

“So many colors! Oh! I love this!” she exclaimed, rushing over to the delicate wooden music box on Clarke’s old dresser. It was complete with a classic ballerina, twirling around to the music that played when Madi cracked it open. 

“That was actually my grandmother’s. My grandfather made it for her when they were young,” Clarke explained. 

Madi’s eyes got impossibly wider. “Is it old?”

Clarke nodded. “Very. So we’re going to be careful with it, okay?”

Madi nodded back. “I be _so_ careful, Auntie.”

“I know you will. Hey, little one, you think I could get a hug?” she asked her and Madi wasted no time in wrapping her small arms around Clarke’s neck and Clarke held her tightly, closing her eyes and breathing in her sweet toddler scent, Madi’s soft wisps of hair tickling her nose. Clarke took a deep breath, willing herself to push down the emotion that was currently crawling its way up her throat before it could make it to her eyes and spill over. 

They spent the next ten minutes exploring the different parts of who Clarke used to be, her clothes, shoes, random trinkets, pictures of her and various family members and friends. There was one picture in particular she had forgotten about, of her and Wells at the top of the ferris wheel at Coney Island. They’d ditched school that day, one of the biggest acts of rebellion she’d ever allowed herself at that age, and they’d caught a city bus out there, spending as much time as they could stuffing themselves with hot dogs and cotton candy and riding every single ride no matter how scared they were. Wells had even won her a stuffed horse at one of the booths. 

It was the same horse Madi was holding now, and Clarke fought to keep the tears from falling. “Your daddy - ” her breath caught, as she knelt to tap her finger on the stuffed animal. “Your daddy won that for me.”

“Really?” she asked in awe. 

“Yeah. He was so strong, he knocked down all the bottles, just so I could have it.”

Madi’s grin fell just a bit before stretching wide. “I so proud of him.”

_Damn it_. She swallowed heavily. “Me too, baby.”

“Dinner’s ready,” the low voice said from behind her. It reverberated into her being, wrapping around her broken heart and holding tight. She turned her head and watched as his face suddenly caught on to what she was going through and he crossed the room in four long strides, instantly wrapping both girls in his strong arms. She breathed in his intoxicating woodsy-honey scent, this time mingling with the sweet toddler one from the girl next to her and she briefly wondered if this was what heaven smelled like. 

He released them, and looked Clarke straight in the eyes. “You ready?”

She nodded. “As I’ll ever be.” He stood, bringing her up with him, and propped Madi on his hip. 

“Can I bring this home with me?” Madi asked, still clutching the horse in her little fists. 

“Of course you can,” she told her, and it gave her the idea to grab the ferris wheel picture to take with them too. 

Bellamy wrapped an arm around her waist, sensing that she could use the stability and comfort still - that her being ready didn’t mean she was okay. They headed the rest of the way downstairs and the smile that grew on her face at the sight of the family she’d grown up with wasn’t even one she had to fake. She couldn’t believe she’d gotten so lucky, having a family that loved her here, and one that loved her back in Arkadia, but she knew she’d always have all of them, whether she could believe it or not.

***

“Hey Bellamy, hand me two beers from the fridge, will you?” Jake requested, continuing to stir the gravy. He’d already taken the chops off and thrown the bacon and onions in the pan, the heavenly aroma of their dinner wafting up Bellamy’s nose. He wandered into the kitchen after sending Clarke after Madi upstairs and asked what he could help with, to which Jake seemed to appreciate his jumping in. Kane and his wife and Abby had gone into the dining room already, so it was just the two of them.

It was easy - more natural than would’ve thought, being here with Clarke’s family. He wasn’t really sure what to expect, and aside from some unexpected discomfort initially, they’d been nothing but warm and embraced him as part of their family before they even really knew him. As he got to know them, it was clear that Clarke really was a perfect mix between the two of them. 

It was what he’d sensed after only a few times of talking with Clarke months ago. She was easy to talk to and laid back, despite her chaotic nature, in a way that made her feel like a breath of fresh air. 

He opened the fridge that was three times the size of his (welcoming or not, they were still richer than he could ever dream to be), and pulled out a couple beers from the perfectly arranged rows. “This kind okay?” he asked. 

Jake turned and nodded. “Any kind of dark beer will do,” he responded, holding his hand out for the bottles. Bellamy walked over and handed them over, standing next to him as he watched Jake pour them both in and stir slowly. Jake glanced at him before tapping the wooden spoon down and turning to lean against the counter. “You a man that knows his way around the kitchen?” he asked.

Bellamy mimicked his position on the opposite side of the stove. “I know enough. I cooked a lot for O when we were young. Our mother worked a lot, so it was up to me most nights to make sure we got fed.”

Jake hummed in acknowledgement, stirring absently a few rotations. Bellamy wasn’t sure how much they knew, either from Clarke or from when they knew Octavia way back when. They didn’t seem like the kind to judge him for how he was brought up, the shit they had to go through, and just when he’d started to think maybe they were uncomfortable with that, Jake finally spoke again.

“That’s good. Because even though she is incredibly talented at many, many things, cooking is not her forte,” he chuckled. “She’s never had much patience for it, I think was always the problem. Art - that’s what she loves. Just not the culinary arts,” he chuckled.

Bellamy let out a breath and allowed the tension to drain from his shoulders. Jake gave him a look that made sure to convey that he was being humorous, and not legitimately making fun of Clarke, so Bellamy played along. “Oh she’s not too bad. She does a pretty good job with… tacos.”

Jake let out a loud laugh. “You must really love her.”

Bellamy huffed. “Yeah,” he responded, not at all joking anymore. “I really do.” It was an admission that left no room for confusion, no room for this thing between him and Clarke being anywhere near temporary. It conveyed a permanence and a commitment to her father that he wasn’t going anywhere. 

Jake was quiet a few moments longer, making no secret of him apprising Bellamy. He’d expected about as much - Clarke was his only child, and the three of them were close. And a smaller part of him wasn’t blind to the fact that they were extremely well-off, and Bellamy was, well, not. He did fine for himself, had enough money to pay his bills and generally live comfortably, but it wasn’t like the Griffins. They had money to burn. He really liked them, it was clear that they didn’t flaunt their wealth, but it also wasn’t something that they hid either. As much as he hoped that they wouldn’t mind their only daughter not choosing someone from their circle, he didn’t know them well enough to know for sure. 

Jake finally nodded once and pointed to the pot of potatoes next to him. “Then you’re on mashed potatoes.” He stirred his own pan, but side glanced at Bellamy and he could see the smirk on the older man’s face. “Masher is in the drawer next to you. If you’re going to be sticking around, I’m putting you to work.”

Bellamy’s lips twitched up and whatever second-guessing his mind had done a few moments ago evaporated back into the ease from earlier, when they’d all been chatting simply in the living room. He grabbed the masher from the drawer Jake had indicated. “You ever brown the butter first?” Bellamy asked.

Jake gave him a curious look. “That had never even occurred to me, actually. Go for it,” he waved him on. 

They cooked and chatted for another ten minutes when finally everything was ready to go and Jake waved him on upstairs to collect Clarke and Madi. As curious as he was about Clarke’s childhood bedroom, he knew that Kane showing up reminded her of what was at stake and what they were going to be talking about that evening and he figured she could probably use a moment with just her and Madi. It broke his heart, the way her face fell when they’d walked in, the way her smile didn’t reach her eyes anymore. He was confident they’d figure it out - the alternative was too horrifying to even consider, but he knew she was still hurting, which made him hurt. 

And when he’d actually seen her room, he only had a minute to register everything as his eyes were focused on the two of them, and gathering them in his arms as if it could protect them from at least a little of the pain. 

He had his arm around her waist as they walked back into the hallway, Madi having already wiggled down out of his arms to dart downstairs before he asked about it. “Quite the room,” he mused with a quirk of an eyebrow. 

Clarke let out a dry laugh. “Sometime I’ll show you the whole thing.”

“I’d love to see what a younger Clarke was like. You had a whole life before I knew you.”

Clarke hummed. “Oh I wasn’t much different than I am now…” she trailed off.

“So, stubborn, subversive of expectations, determined… stunningly beautiful?” he asked with an amused grin.

Clarke laughed even louder then. “Stop," she brushed him off. "But I guess so, yeah,” she nodded, elbowing him in the ribs slightly. “It’s always a little weird to think about, isn't it? That we actually haven't known each other all that long.”

He looked at her when they reached the top of the stairs. “Does it bother you? That we got so serious so quickly?”

Clarke inhaled deeply and shook her head. “No. Sometimes I think it _should_ , but no. It doesn’t actually. You?”

“Not at all. But I get what you mean. This, right here, with you - it’s where I was meant to be.”

She stretched up to kiss him sweetly, the smile on her lips almost getting in the way, before they were playfully yelled at to _get down here before the food gets cold_ by Abby.

The dining room was loud as they walked down, and he caught Abby giving Clarke a look as they sat and Madi set the stuffed horse she’d brought down from upstairs behind her. He didn’t know what it meant, but he was sure it had something to do with the picture Clarke had set with their stuff by the front door when they’d gotten downstairs. 

“Are these your brown butter mashed potatoes?” Clarke asked him as they dug in, Madi happily eating all the sides while pointedly avoiding the pork. Which Bellamy didn’t really understand because of how delicious it was. He nodded and she swung her gaze back to her father. “You let him mash the potatoes?” she asked him incredulously.

Jake nodded and Bellamy narrowed his eyes at Clarke. “They’re just mashed potatoes. Not like these chops, which are incredible, by the way,” he said, turning to Jake who tipped his head at him. “You were right about the gravy,” he told her. 

Clarke opened and shut her mouth before turning back to her plate. At feeling Bellamy’s confused state, she explained, “They’re not just mashed potatoes. Dad is very particular about who handles food in his kitchen.”

“No, sweetheart, that’s just you,” Jake smirked at her. 

Clarke scrunched her face and threw a napkin at him. Then she leaned over to him, “Seriously, though, it’s a big deal. What did you two talk about in there?”

He felt a jolt run through him at the satisfaction it gave him that Jake approved of him. “You,” he told her.

Clarke’s lips twitched into a small smile before she turned back to her plate, saying nothing in response, and Bellamy could see how pink her neck had become. 

“So, Bellamy,” Abby spoke up, drawing his attention across the table. “You said earlier your mother owns a restaurant? How lovely.”

He swallowed the bite he was chewing. “A diner, actually. It was just the three of us, when I was growing up, and she worked so many shifts at the diner that when the owner passed, he left it to her. It’s really nice, good food. She works hard to make sure people feel at home and welcome.”

“And sooo yummy milkshakes! Oh Grandma! His mommy is _Sleeping Beauty_!” Madi squealed happily, shoving another bite of potatoes in her mouth.

Bellamy chuckled. “Her name is Aurora. She gets that a lot from the kids,” he explained, reaching around Clarke's back so he could poke Madi in the tummy. 

“Well, we will definitely have to meet her when we come visit.”

Clarke’s head perked up. “You’re coming to visit, Mom?”

Abby nodded. “If that’s okay. We were thinking about maybe in the summer? We have some vacation time coming up after your father finishes the project he is working on - ”

“Top secret, but _very_ exciting. Revolutionary,” Jake winked. 

Bellamy saw Clarke roll her eyes. “Please, Dad. You say that about all your projects.”

“No, your father is right - this one really is special. Becca Franko _herself_ chose him for this project,” Abby backed up her husband’s claim, smiling conspiratorially towards him. “Anyway, he’s projected to be done in a couple of months and thought it might be nice to spend the Fourth up at the cabin. Thought we might swing by Arkadia to see the two - three,” she told them, holding her hand up to Bellamy, “of you, while we were out. Would that be alright?”

“Yay!” Madi called out excitedly. 

“Of course it’s okay, Mom.” 

Abby clapped her hands together, “Oh fabulous, I will start making arrangements immediately.”

Jake and Clarke laughed, and Bellamy chuckled to himself with how similar they were. Clarke glanced at him and smiled. He knew she was worried about where they would all be by that time, but she hid it well, clearly not wanting to confuse Madi. He reached under the table to put a hand on her bouncing leg where it shook with her anxiousness. It calmed under his touch and he could see her shoulders start to relax as well. She slid a hand over his, and he flipped his palm over to intertwine their fingers. It reminded him of the diner, the night they all went for milkshakes when she’d met _his_ mother. 

The conversation continued, and finally when they’d all finished and the plates had been stacked high in the sink, Kane finally brought up the elephant in the room. 

“So, Clarke, would now be an okay time to start talking about - ” he stopped himself, glancing at Madi. She’d been playing with a deck of cards, arranging them in some sort of order only she knew, and Clarke reached over to brush her hair out of her face and nodded back at Kane. 

“Hey Madi girl, you want to take those in the living room? There will be more space to spread them out.”

“Okie dokie,” she said, gathering the cards in a messy pile and hopping down off of her booster seat. “Bellamy want to come play with me?”

He smiled at her and started to say that he would love to, but Clarke cut him off. “Maybe in a bit, sweetheart. Bellamy needs to stay here for a few minutes, okay?”

“I’ll be there in a minute, munchkin.”

Madi just shrugged and started hopping along to the next room. He turned to Clarke. “Are you sure? I can go hang with her if you want to just be - ”

She shook her head, “No, I wan - I need you here.”

“Yes, Bellamy,” Kane began, addressing him. “This concerns you too, now that you’re in Clarke and Madi’s life.”

“I’m not sure what I can do, but sure. Whatever you need,” he told the man and Clarke cleared her throat, smiling softly and nodding shakily at him before turning back to Kane. 

“Let’s do this. How do I keep my daughter?” she asked and Kane gave her a determined look, pulling out a pen and notebook. 

“Well, first of all. I want to say, I will do everything in my power to keep her right where she is. Wells and Glass were very clear when they designated _you_ as Madi’s guardian. That will certainly work in our favor. And the Will is completely legal. I made certain that there were no loopholes to nullify it.” Clarke nodded, and squeezed Bellamy’s hand tightly. He switched hands, draping the one that she’d been squeezing around the back of her chair and holding her hand with his other one on his leg now. “The only way to gain custody is to prove you’re unfit to raise Madi.”

“Why are they doing this now?” Clarke asked. “They weren’t exactly parents of the year, ever, and basically disowned Glass when they found out she’d gotten pregnant. Madi doesn’t even know them.”

“There are probably lots of reasons why this matters to them now, and I can almost guarantee none of them have to do with what’s best for Madi. I have been doing some digging the past few days on both them and the Wallaces. I haven’t turned up much besides conjecture, but it’s early still, the court date isn’t until next Friday. What do you know about them, Clarke? When I inquired about their involvement with Madi with putting together the Will and directives, Glass was… well, less than forthcoming. But it wasn’t my business so I didn’t push and Glass seemed very sure they weren’t going to fight it.”

“But here we are,” Bellamy sighed.

Kane nodded. “But here we are, that’s right. So now, the best course of action is to prove to the court that you are the best home for Madi to be in. The fact that she’s been with you already and is established in Arkadia is good. No court is going to want to rip a child from a place she considers home, especially after such an intense trauma. They’d have to have a really good reason.”

Clarke sighed like she was more tired in that moment than she’s felt in her entire life and sagged back in her chair, against his arm. His fingertips immediately went to her shoulder, his thumb rubbing circles in that soothing way he has learned she likes. 

“In college, after the three of us met and started hanging out, _four_ if you count Octavia because she was there most of the time too, Glass… avoided talking about her parents and her childhood for a long time. When she did say something, she’d only give us half the story, or trail off without finishing, like she was remembering something she didn’t want to say.” Clarke glanced behind them at the door, probably making sure Madi was completely out of earshot and Bellamy tightened his hold on her hand under the table. “And then after her parents came for a surprise visit that sent Glass into a panic attack, where she hid in her room and didn’t come out for days, she told us that growing up they were abusive towards her while she was growing up - that she was terrified of them.”

“Oh my - how awful,” Abby scoffed quietly.

“Okay,” Kane said softly. “It’s about what I expected. This… isn’t going to be easy. You’ll have to relive a lot of experiences and conversations I’m sure you would rather not, but - ”

“I don’t care about easy,” Clarke told him sharply. “I don’t care if I have to feel every single sharp barb of pain I get when I think of Glass or Wells. I don’t care about me. I care about that little girl. She is my home, and I am hers. I’d walk through fire for her.” Clarke looked up at him, the determination and steel and power in her eyes strong enough to level mountains. “We both would.” Bellamy nodded in agreeance. “So bring it on.”

“Whatever it takes,” he added.

“Good. I’ve known you for a long time, Clarke, and I knew the moment Wells said that you were who they’d decided to take Madi that it was the right decision. This is why. For times like these.”

Bellamy saw the combination of fury and pride in the eyes of both Jake and Abby, and Bellamy couldn't help but feel proud of her too. He’d never had any doubt that Clarke would fight for Madi, that _he_ would fight for Madi, but listening to her now, he thought he might be falling in love with her all over again. 

“So I will direct my office in their digging, to check to see if we have anything of substance that backs up her claims. Did you ever witness any altercations between them?” Kane asked.

Clarke shook her head. “No, it’s only on Glass’s word. And they only visited one other time, when Glass told them she was pregnant. The third time I saw them was at the funeral. Wells might’ve seen something… but…” she trailed off, obviously because it wasn’t like they could ask Wells to testify. 

“Okay. And if I can ask about you two?” he asked. “Part of their claim will be the single mother angle, I can almost guarantee it. So you two are together? How long?”

Bellamy and Clarke both squirmed a bit. “Only a couple weeks,” he said. 

“Officially, anyway” Clarke added. “But Bellamy has been in our lives and helping with Madi since we moved to Arkadia. Raven too, and a whole other village of people. I’m not a single mother, I’m not alone in raising her.”

Kane nodded. “Unfortunately, though, I have a feeling, knowing Cage’s reputation for manipulation, that he may spin it that you have help because you _can’t_ do it on your own.”

Clarke made a low noise under her breath, practically a growl, and her fingernails dug into his leg so sharply he could feel her fear.

“If I can?” Bellamy asked, and Clarke breathed out, her fingers relaxing against his thigh. “My mother was a single parent - without a host of people around to help out. It was just me and my sister. I would’ve given anything to have the kinds of people Clarke has with her. She has surrounded Madi with more love and stability and care than any single parent household I’ve ever known. And even in that, I know we’ve been together only a couple of weeks. But I’m not going anywhere. I’m in it, completely committed, for the long haul. All of it.”

Kane smirked and nodded. “I can see that. Madi is very lucky that she has the both of you. And that, Mr. Blake, is the angle I plan to use to combat Cage’s claims. Family isn’t always blood. Sometimes it’s found. And those bonds can be just as strong, if not more so. Our son that we’ve talked about tonight?” he said, grabbing his wife’s hand on top of the table. “We adopted him back when he was not much younger than Madi. So believe me when I say I understand.”

Bellamy saw why Clarke liked Kane so much, why she trusted him instantly with something as serious as this. He was an honest man, and he truly believed in family. 

“Okay, so where do we go from here?” Clarke asked. 

“Well, I make some phone calls, get my office to start tracking people down.” Kane told her, cocking his head slightly. “I do have one last question for you.”

“Okay…” Clarke trailed off suspiciously. 

“Can you think of a reason why they would do this? Has something happened recently that they could’ve gotten wind of, or some new information about Madi that would make them pursue custody? If we can discredit their reasons, that would help our case. We need to figure why they think they even have a case. Motive is important in something like this and you and I need to have complete transparency, whatever it is.”

Clarke and Bellamy exchanged a glance and he saw a dark cloud pass over her expression and he knew she was thinking the same thing he was. 

_Finn_.

“My ex from college - it turns out he’s been stalking me since Madi and I moved to Arkadia,” she told Kane. 

“ _What?!_ ” Jake bellowed at the same time as Abby gasped, a hand flying to her mouth. But Kane remained patiently impassive, waiting for Clarke to finish. 

Bellamy gripped her hand tighter, moving a little closer so she could lean on him as she continued. “He was leaving me messages… flowers. And he showed up at my house one day a few weeks back, picked a fight with a guy I was seeing. Bellamy came and broke it up, subdued him until the cops got there.”

Bellamy could see Jake’s broad figure shaking with anger as his hand fisted the edge of the table. Abby was not much different, any disgust or disbelief completely replaced with pure fury.

“Why didn’t you call us?” Jake asked.

Clarke threw up a hand. “Because I handled it. Bellamy handled it. Finn was arrested, a restraining order put on him. Madi wasn’t even there, she was a friend of mine’s house,” she told Kane. “She doesn’t even know what happened.”

“Okay,” Kane finally said. “Thank you for telling me. I’ll request the police report. You said a fight broke out? Was it just between your ex and the other guy? Did he hurt _you_?” he asked, the concern leaking into his tone that showed he was more than just a lawyer at that moment, but also Clarke’s family.

Clarke sighed. “Yes.”

“Oh my - ” Abby gritted out.

“Are you okay?” Kane asked, that same concern and worry evident. 

“I’m fine. I didn’t even need a doctor. It was just a bump on the head and my knuckles when I punched him in his stupid jaw.”

“Okay. That’s good. I’ll take all of that into consideration and have arguments prepared for when we get to court. Like I said, Wallace likes to spin things, manipulate stories in the worst possible light. All of that - the violence your ex displayed, even you defending yourself, I’ll be expecting he uses all of it. I’m not quite sure how they found out about any of that, but rest assured, I will figure it out. None of that was your fault and I’m going to make sure the judge sees that.” Kane stood, prompting everyone else around the table to join them. “It was lovely seeing you all as always. And for meeting you, Bellamy. I’m glad Clarke has someone like you in her life. Madi too.”

“You’ve got that backwards. I’m the lucky one,” he said earnestly, shaking the man’s hand and nodding as he and his wife left for the foyer.

“We should get back to the hotel soon,” Clarke said, making her way towards the living room where they could hear Madi talking and giggling incoherently. Her phone rang in her pocket and she frowned when she pulled it out. “Uh, Mom, you go on ahead, I need to take this.”

“You take care of what you need to, I want to spend a little more time with that little one before you guys take off anyway.” Clarke nodded and she exited out a different door to where what Bellamy remembered was a hallway as Abby set off for Madi. 

“Bellamy, son, would you mind helping me in the kitchen with the dishes? There’s a couple things I’d like to talk to you about as well, if that’s alright?”

Bellamy nodded, glancing towards the direction Clarke left to, a pit growing in his stomach when he remembered the way she’d frowned at who was calling her. He shook it off the best he could and turned back to Jake. “Of course,” he told him and took off after the man for the kitchen.

His emotions were conflicting. On one hand, he was still completely confident that they’d be able to keep Madi with them, but there were so many things about this whole process that he hadn’t realized would be a factor. Whoever this Cage Wallace guy was, there was one thing that Bellamy knew without a doubt - he was _not_ someone Bellamy ever wanted to know, but he knew there would be no way around it. One way or another, the battle had begun.

And he’d fight for his girls with everything in him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and commenting and kudos-ing. I love this fandom, I truly, truly do! Hope you enjoyed that monster of a chapter and I'll see you next week for more! Can't wait to hear your thoughts on our meet-the-parents chapter 😉
> 
> If you'd like to come hang out with me on [tumblr](https://dayo488.tumblr.com/), including checking out a moodboard for this fic, I'd love to see you there! I post updates and other little tidbits about my fics every once in a while. That's also where I'll post my next fic summary too, whenever I get this one finished. I outlined in [this](https://dayo488.tumblr.com/post/638776081853333504/fic-writer-asks-tagged-by-burninghoneyatdusk-and) post a few of the WIPs I've got going on, if you're interested in what's next. ❤


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S HERE! Oh man that took a long time to edit, but GUYS a LOT happens in this chapter. A ton of info and... things. That's all I'm saying. 
> 
> I'm adding this warning here instead of after the jump, because it's not a spoiler or anything, but better safe than sorry, I wanted to remind you all that due to the nature of Glass's upbringing, her abuse, while not terribly detailed, is talked about and brought up. Also, the time around when Glass found out she was pregnant was brought up briefly, along with the options surrounding that. I hope that's descriptive enough, I don't want to describe it completely right here. Let me know please if you think I need to adjust this warning.
> 
> Okay. 
> 
> Here we go. ❤

The rest of the week in New York was a rainy blur, Clarke's mind buzzing a million different directions. The dark clouds rolled in about Thursday, and now on Saturday morning, as the kids started loading up the bus, they were trying as much as they could not to get too wet in the downpour that had come on full force. 

Clarke was under the alcove by the front doors of the hotel, collecting the sketchbooks as students and teachers and chaperones ran past her. Madi waited patiently by her side, holding out her hand to high five everyone as they passed. She and Hope both had become quite the hit, but nothing had surprised Clarke more than the bond that had formed between her and Charlotte. Madi brought out a tender side of the surly pre-teen that Clarke hadn’t seen before, always mindful to make sure Madi was safe and laughing. She’d even drawn a caricature of the little girl in the sketchbook she’d handed back to Clarke before boarding the bus. 

When Clarke asked her about why she’d done it, Charlotte had just shrugged and acted like it was no big deal, telling her, “You told us to draw something that meant something to us this week, so… that’s what I did.”

Clarke had to resist the urge to hug the girl. 

Thankfully, the ride home was much less eventful than the ride up, and while Diyoza wasn’t exactly chatty, they still managed to have some good conversations, mostly about the girls. Clarke wasn’t originally going to tell her about the custody battle, but when Bellamy pointed out the day before that she was most likely going to need some time off for it, she relented. Diyoza had understood, promising to do whatever Clarke needed to keep Madi with her. She had a few ideas for substitutes to call on, if the trial ended up being during school hours, and even offered to get a sub for Bellamy, since she assumed he’d be there during the trial as well. 

The only real conversation left to have was with Madi herself. She knew the Sorensons in name only, only having met them a few times since she was born. Clarke had no idea how to even broach the subject in a way that wouldn’t traumatize her or confuse her. She wanted Madi to know that her home was with Clarke still, and that no matter what happened, she’d always be in her life. 

Which wasn’t really a promise she was sure she could keep and the mere thought of losing this was like a knife to her heart. 

The phone conversation she’d had at her parents’ house a few days ago played on a non-stop loop through her head, the dread and fear and outright _anger_ coursed through her, burning and insistent. She hadn’t told Bellamy about it yet, partially because she wasn’t entirely sure what to say or how to say it. 

He was going to be _furious_ he’d been right all along, that he’d seen this coming. Not angry at her, but all the same, he wasn’t going to like it.

Clarke knew she was acting weird and off because of it, and that he could tell. She knew that while he figured something was on her mind, he seemed to be content with waiting for her to bring it up. Which she was determined to do that evening. She wasn’t going to be able to put off telling him any longer, and it was going to drastically change so many things. She just didn’t want to talk about it while they were in New York still, with students to teach and look after. 

It wasn’t like she was the only one acting strange though - he was acting like a ball of nerves since Tuesday night and she couldn't figure out the cause of it. Everything had been fine, if a little tense at her parents’ house during their conversation with Kane, and the rest of the week in the museum had been fun. Despite the looming trial, the kids had had a blast and she reveled in showing Madi all the things she loved about the Met and how it had inspired her constantly as a child to create her own art. Maybe her parents had said something when she wasn’t in the room, or he wasn’t as content with waiting for her as she thought he was. A pit started forming as they approached Arkadia, guilt over whether she’d made him worry about what she was keeping to herself and she resolved even more firmly to explain what was going on the first chance she got. 

They finally made it back to Arkadia, and she shook Madi awake. No decent naps all week had given the little one ample reason to spend the last couple hours snoozing away in her carseat.

Madi groaned as the students and parents and teachers filed off the bus next to her. “No,” she said stubbornly.

Clarke smiled and brushed back a strand of her dark hair. “I know baby, but we get to go home now.” _Home_. The word punched her in the gut but she shook it off. Home wasn’t a place, it was a feeling you got from the people around you. She’d just have to keep reminding herself of that as she came to terms with what was going to have to happen. 

“You want me to grab her?” Bellamy asked softly from next to her. He was standing in the aisle of the now empty bus, a look of concern and care on his features. No matter what was going on with him, she knew it wasn’t going to come between them - she could still see how much he loved her in his eyes.

Clarke shook her head. “Actually, would you mind grabbing the seat? I’ll grab her.”

Bellamy nodded and backed up as Clarke began to unbuckle the little girl. A little awkward at first, she finally manuerved the toddler out of her seat and onto her shoulder. Madi shifted with the change, but tucked her little face into Clarke’s neck, settling back into a sound sleep once again. She slung the bag she’d kept with her over her shoulder and Bellamy helped Clarke off the bus, one hand on her waist, and one on Madi’s back. 

She stepped off the bus and looked around as people began gathering their bags and other belongings. Charlotte was leaning against the back of the bus, scrolling through her phone as Clarke approached. 

“I know you’re bummed that your mother couldn’t make it, but I want you to know how much I enjoyed having you in our group this week. Madi too,” she added, adjusting the small girl. 

Charlotte glanced up, eyes hard at first - her default mechanism, but then her expression softened and she reached out to run a finger over Madi’s small knuckles. “She’s a good kid. Sharp. Smart. It was a good trip, thanks.” Clarke nodded, knowing that she wasn’t likely to get much more acknowledgement than that, but as she turned to go, she heard Charlotte speak up one more time. “You’re a good mom, Ms. Griffin.”

Clarke faltered a bit in her step, not wanting to do something stupid like cry in front of the girl or anything, even though those words gave her a multitude of reasons to do so, and turned her head back to her. “Thanks, Charlotte. That means a lot.”

Charlotte didn’t respond that time, simply shrugging and looking back down at her phone. Clarke wandered a few feet away, where Bellamy was standing, their bags sitting next to him on the ground. He nodded towards Charlotte, who’s mom had just pulled up. 

“Everything okay?”

Clarke nodded. “She told me I was a good mom,” she told him, her voice cracking a little as she squeezed Madi just a little tighter. 

Bellamy smiled sweetly, then leaned over to give Clarke a quick kiss. “You are.” Clarke breathed deep, closing her eyes as the exhaustion from the week started seeping into her bones. “You ready?” he asked. “Raven just pulled up.”

Miller and Raven had picked up the truck the morning after they left for New York so the truck wouldn’t just be sitting in the school parking lot all week, and Raven had volunteered to drive it back to get them. Clarke nodded at him and they made their way to their friend, who was finishing getting Madi’s seat buckled in. She caught Clarke’s eye and walked over to meet them in the middle. 

“Hey, Griff. Good trip? She looks tuckered out,” she nodded to the snoozing toddler. 

Clarke smiled. “Yeah, it was good. We had fun, we really did. And it was really great to see my parents.”

“Can’t wait to hear all about it,” she smiled. “Hey Blake. Who’d you get to room with this year?” she asked, eyebrow raised teasingly. 

Bellamy rolled his eyes and shook his head. “Santiago,” he told her, nodding his head back towards the teacher still by the bus. Raven let out an amused chuckle.

Clarke looked at Raven quizzically so she explained. “Usually it’s either another parent or teacher he gets paired with and it’s been a running joke that whoever it is, he always ends up with the talkative ones.”

“Oh there is no one more talkative than you, Reyes,” he joked, heaving another bag into the back.

Raven flipped her ponytail. “Please. You couldn’t handle me.” Clarke snorted, making her way over to the seat to get Madi buckled in again and Raven chuckled again. “No, but for real, that’s him over there? Uh - ‘Santiago’?”

Clarke nodded. “His name is Gabriel actually. Science teacher.”

Raven’s eyebrow quirked. “He’s cute.”

Bellamy folded his arms over his chest, and Clarke laughed, knowing right where this was headed. “No.”

Raven gave him a look. “Why not? He taken?” she asked, a hint of disappointment in her tone.

“Yeah, by Bellamy,” Clarke joked. “Apparently he’s quite the cuddler. I’ve been jealous all week.” 

Bellamy breathed out heavily. “Alright, come on, you two. Let’s go home. Raven - keys.”

Raven tossed him the set and he climbed in the driver seat. “Wow, what crawled up his butt? No, but seriously,” she asked Clarke, dropping her tone. “Is he taken?”

“I don’t think so... want me to find out?” Clarke asked, a grin on her face. From what Bellamy had told her, Gabriel had been a pretty decent guy all week - helpful, kind, smart as a whip. And Raven wasn’t too far off - the guy wasn’t hard on the eyes at all. 

Raven winked at her. “Wouldn’t hurt to have the information,” she smirked. 

Clarke just laughed, climbing in next to Madi as Raven took the passenger seat. Yeah, she could see it. There could be worse matches, for sure. 

The ride home was full of trying to talk just above a whisper, Bellamy and Clarke trying to tell Raven about the week and a brief overview of what Kane had said while trying not to wake Madi. When they got to the part about Finn and how that could hurt her case, Raven’s fists and jaw had clenched, and Clarke swore she heard her mutter “I knew I should’ve just killed him,” under her breath and Clarke chuckled sardonically. 

Madi was just waking up as Bellamy pulled into the drive, and Clarke was thankful that the rain that had been pouring down on them in New York hadn’t followed them back to Arkadia. It wasn’t exactly clear skies, but it was bright and warm, instantly improving her mood. 

“Hey, who’s car is that?” Raven asked when they all got out, since none of them, except for Raven apparently, noticed the car parked on the curb in front of Bellamy’s house. 

“I don’t know,” Bellamy said warily, glancing at his house. Clarke noticed the lights on and when a shadow passed the front curtains, it made them all jump. “Okay, you know what, stay back,” he said insistently, and Clarke instantly grabbed Madi’s hand and tucked the girl behind her while trying to stay calm and not panic her. “Clarke, go inside your house and call - ”

“But what will _you_ do?” she asked insistently, grabbing his arm to turn him back to her from where his eyes were glued to his house. 

“Look, I’m still working that part out, okay? Just go. I won’t let anything happen to you,” he told her, the tone of his voice so many times more serious than he usually was. 

Clarke opened her mouth to say something - she wasn’t exactly sure _what_ though, if she was going to argue with him and stand by his side, or let him protect her and Raven and Madi. The thought of leaving him there by himself made her sick, like her body was rejecting even the notion of letting him face whoever it was in his house on his own. But she couldn’t leave Madi. 

Thankfully, her confliction over what to do didn’t last long, however, when the front door of his house suddenly swung open with a flourish. The three adults all swung their gaze in that direction, freezing instantly. Madi, still behind Clarke, wrapped a little arm around one of Clarke’s legs.

It took Clarke’s brain far too long to register the identity of the slender frame, the straight dark hair and olive skin of the woman standing on the front porch with a smug, broad smile on her face.

“O?” Bellamy finally asked, his voice a little hoarse and a little bewildered, like he was in the same sluggish frame of mind Clarke was. 

Octavia’s smile somehow got even wider and she threw up her hands dramatically in a way that was so unabashedly _Octavia_ that Clarke was finally able to grasp the concept that the four of them weren’t in any danger whatsoever, but actually in the midst of a surprise homecoming.

“We’re back, bitches!” she screamed, running down the steps of Bellamy’s porch and flung herself into her brother’s stunned arms. 

Clarke felt Bellamy huff out a laugh, a light, carefree, happy chuckle as he realized what was happening and lifted his little sister that he hadn’t seen in over a year off the ground. As Clarke’s heartbeat started to regulate again, she felt a grin creep up on her face as well, and her muscles started relaxing. Clarke glanced over to Raven, who’s defensive stance was still in full effect, but her face was happy, excited to see her friend had finally come home. She shook her head amusedly, and exchanged a smirk with Clarke. 

“Auntie?” Madi asked, tugging at Clarke’s arm. Madi’s little voice seemed to be what broke Bellamy and Octavia apart, as he set his sister back down on the ground and stepped back to crouch in front of Madi. 

“Hey, munchkin. C’mere. I want you to meet someone,” he said to her, holding out his arms so she could shift from Clarke’s legs to his embrace. She was tentative in moving at first, but once Bellamy had a hold of her, Clarke could see her little fist holding on tight to his shirt. 

Clarke placed a reassuring hand on her back, rubbing softly. Octavia stood off to the side a little, letting the three of them have a moment to un-stun the toddler. “Would you like to meet Octavia, little one?” she asked her.

“My sister,” Bellamy added. 

“Otavia’s here?” her little voice eeked out. 

“Sure am, kiddo,” Octavia answered gently and Madi glanced at the source of the voice. 

“I’m Madi,” she said quickly, shyly gripping Bellamy even tighter, his arms responded in kind, and Clarke saw him tighten his hold on her. 

“It’s so great to finally see you again in person, Madi. Last I saw you - you were this big,” O emphasized, holding her arms up the way you would cradle a baby. 

“I bigger now,” Madi insisted, her little attitude showing through. “You said a bad word,” she added more boldly, to which everyone started laughing heartily about. “Only grown-ups can say that.”

“Well I _am_ a grown up,” O told her. 

“Barely,” Raven mumbled jokingly and Octavia shot her a look. 

“Good to see you too, Rae,” she teased back, and Raven approached her finally, wrapping her in a tight hug. "Sorry I didn't tell you I was here, didn't want to spoil the surprise," she explained, releasing Raven and turning to Clarke. “And I’m sorry for swearing. Is there a jar I put a quarter in or something?” she asked Clarke with a smile, hugging her next. Clarke caught Bellamy’s eye over his sister’s shoulder and she could see even in just the few seconds he had his sister back how much lighter it made him. 

“No, I take it. I have a piggy bank,” Madi told O before Clarke could answer. She had her little hand out to Octavia, waiting expectedly. Bellamy pressed his lips together, trying to stifle more laughter. 

“You do _not_ need to give her a quarter, O. That’s not how we do it,” Clarke said pointedly, poking Madi in the stomach, making her giggle. 

Octavia held up a hand. “No, no. A hustler. I like this girl,” she said with a wiggle of her eyebrows. “Okay, kid. Quarter is yours,” Octavia said, giving her a high five. “Gonna have to dig it out of my bag though, hmm?” Octavia nodded her head towards the house. “Shall we? We have a lot to talk about,” she said, looking back at Clarke, and for the first time since she burst through the front door, her brilliant, easygoing smile faded just a bit and Clarke nodded back. 

“So what are you doing here?” Bellamy asked as they started walking towards the house. 

“Uh, well, that’s what we have to talk about. Kane called me,” she said. 

“Kane?” Clarke asked. 

“Yeah. I’ll explain later. But basically, he called, we talked, and we hopped on a plane,” she shrugged like it was no big deal that she’d just jet-setted across an ocean. 

“How long have you been here?” Clarke asked at the same as Raven asked -

“ _We_?” 

O’s cheeks flushed and suddenly Clarke knew _exactly_ what Octavia had meant by _we_. Bellamy seemed to have realized it as well, as his steps stuttered a bit in their tread. 

“He’s here, isn’t he?” Bellamy asked carefully.

“Well, yeah,” Octavia swallowed hard. “I mean, you wouldn’t just up and leave for another country without Clarke, right?” she asked her brother with a smirk and Clarke was beginning to understand what everyone meant when they would talk about the famous _Blake sibling rivalry_.

“Okay, that’s a little dif - ” 

“Is it?” Raven asked with a scrunched face. 

Bellamy sighed, clearly outnumbered and Clarke leaned into him, wrapping a hand through his arm. “It’ll be okay. I’ll be right here,” she murmured into his skin. 

She felt him take a deep breath and he leaned over to kiss the top of her head, sighing again. She bit her lip, her cheeks turning pink when she caught Octavia’s notice, the woman’s eyebrows practically a part of her hairline, they were raised so high. 

“I know,” she heard Raven mutter and saw her knock into O’s shoulder and heard as the two woman shared a chuckle. 

“Introducing…” Octavia announced, opening her arm wide as they entered his house. His _empty_ house. Octavia frowned and swung her head side to side. 

“Is he imaginary?” Bellamy asked, ribbing his sister. “I mean, it’s okay, O. You can tell me,” he continued, a shit-eating grin plastered on his expression. Octavia punched him in the shoulder playfully. Madi repeated the action, punching his other shoulder and giggling as she did so.

“Great, look what you did,” Bellamy deadpanned to O, poking Madi so she’d giggle even harder. 

“Like I said, I like this girl,” she winked, giving Madi another high five. She walked down the hall a bit while Bellamy shifted Madi to Clarke’s arms, but she wiggled down instead to go hop on the couch. “Babe?” Octavia called. 

_Babe?_ Bellamy mouthed to Clarke with a pained expression. She smirked at him and tugged him down to her level. “Be. Nice,” she instructed.

“We’ll see,” he grumbled. 

Clarke rolled her eyes and went to help O look. Raven and Bellamy went back out to the car to go grab the bags, bringing them inside his house for now. She’d take her and Madi’s stuff over to their house later.

The thought reminded her that she still needed to talk to Bellamy about the phone call from her parents’ house, but whatever craziness Octavia was bringing to their afternoon, at least it seemed to be normalizing whatever weirdness had been brewing between her and Bellamy from the past few days. 

The back door opened, and the group swung their heads in that direction. Lincoln came strolling in, stopping short when he saw everyone starting at him with various expressions. “Sorry,” he said. “There was a spider so I set it free in the backyard.”

Octavia made some weird, adoring noise that Bellamy scrunched his face at and Clarke chuckled. “It’s nice to finally meet you in person,” she told him, stepping forward to shake his hand. He smiled warmly at her, a complete enigma from the way he appeared. Like she had been on the phone when Clarke had first talked to him, she was surprised that someone as imposing as him somehow seemed to have such a kind demeanor. 

She heard Bellamy snort from behind her, where he sat with Madi on the couch. All three women turned to glare at him so he sighed and stood, walking over to Lincoln and stopping next to Clarke and stretched up to his full height. 

“Bellamy…” Octavia said in a warning tone, her eyebrow raised and jaw clenched. 

Bellamy softened and he sighed. “Good to meet you, man.”

Clarke put a hand on his back and turned her head into his arm, trying not to laugh. Raven walked forward to introduce herself next. “Raven Reyes, I’ve heard - ” she started smugly, looking him up and down. “ - _a lot_ about you.” Lincoln blushed, Clarke snorted, and Octavia beamed. “Welcome to Arkadia. We have better pizza here than Italy.”

“That’s what I’ve gathered. It was our first stop after getting in last night,” Lincoln laughed. "O had to send me in there to get it, though, so she could stay hidden." 

“You could've just told me you were coming,” Bellamy told her. 

Octavia fidgeted and Clarke saw her glance at Madi before responding. “Uh, it was last minute, so...” she shrugged.

“Uh huh,” Bellamy sounded slowly, an eyebrow raised suspiciously. 

“Is there somewhere we can talk?” O asked. Clarke and Bellamy exchanged a glance and Raven eyed Octavia, but seemed to guess that whatever it was that needed to be said was going to have to be away from little ears because she instinctively went to sit next to Madi. “Hey kiddo, you want to help me bring your bags over to your house?”

“Yes! I strong!” Madi exclaimed, putting her arms up to show off her tiny toddler muscles. 

“Whoa. You have bigger muscles than I do!” Raven laughed, grabbing the little girl’s hand and guiding her over to her and Clarke’s bags that she and Bellamy had brought out of the truck. “Hop on, Madster,” she said, crouching down so Madi could climb on her back. She stabilized Madi with one arm and grabbed Clarke’s suitcase with the other, giving them one last look before leaving, and Clarke nodded her gratefulness at her friend. 

She felt Bellamy’s presence at her side as she faced Octavia again. “So?” she asked. “Kane called you.”

Octavia sighed and nodded, wringing her fingers together as they walked over to the couch Madi had just vacated and sat down. Lincoln perched himself on the arm next to O, a hand on her shoulder and Clarke sat in the middle with Bellamy on her other side, his hand tightly intertwined with Clarke’s. 

“You were closer to Wells and Glass than I was,” Octavia began. “But because you and I were roommates, we were all obviously friends, you know that. And I loved them, very much.” Clarke squeezed Bellamy’s hand, waiting for her to continue. “Kane called me a few days ago, to let me know what was going on. I was on some list of his - of people who had known Glass and he was looking for any evidence or whatever that could corroborate Glass’s claims that her parents were - were abusive.”

“Okay…” Clarke said slowly.

“Obviously I got a plane right away. I’m not letting you go through this without as much support as possible on your side. Lincoln too,” she added, throwing a small smile at her boyfriend. “Thankfully, our mag was able to get coverage from another photographer for the rest of the shoot,” she told them. 

“So you’re back for good? You’re not going back to Italy?” Bellamy asked, hopeful.

Octavia smiled at her brother’s question and nodded. “Yeah, big brother. I’m sticking around,” she told them. “But, uh, I didn’t just come for support,” she said softly. “I’m actually going to be testifying.” Then, off everyone’s curious looks, she started explaining. “Right after Glass got pregnant, her parents visited, remember?”

Clarke held back tears and nodded. So much was uncertain back then, they were all on edge, stressed to the nines about what to do or what would happen. But it resulted in that amazing little girl and she knew none of them regretted whatever strain or worry it had taken to get to the decision to keep and raise Madi.

“Well, I went to go get her for dinner one of those days, you and Wells were waiting in the car - or down in the lobby, I don’t remember - and before I even got to the apartment, I could hear the shouting.”

Clarke flinched, remembering how Glass had described those fights with her parents. 

“Anyway, they were fighting about the baby - about Madi. Her parents were screaming at her, what a disappointment she was and how she’d ruined her life because she was promiscuous and irresponsible. They - they told her she wouldn't be any kind of mother, that they wouldn’t allow her to screw up the kid and tread on their name.”

Clarke clenched her jaw, anger and fury and _hurt_ rippling through her body. 

“They told her...” Octavia hesitated, blinking rapidly to keep the tears Clarke could see in her eyes from spilling over. “They told her that they’d made her an appointment to get rid of it. And that if she refused, they would disown her.”

Clarke remembered that visit - remembered how Glass had glossed over what her parents had said to her about the pregnancy, simply telling Clarke and Wells that while they weren’t happy with her or the situation, they were leaving her to handle it herself. Clarke felt a stab of guilt run through her that she hadn’t pried harder, that she hadn’t known how bad the conversation had actually gone. 

“I was eavesdropping at that point, I knew I was. I was standing outside the door, peering through the crack at the argument. I didn’t know whether to leave them to their argument or barge in to stop it.” Octavia swallowed heavily. “I should’ve stopped it. I’ve regretted every day not stepping in. Maybe if I had - ” she bit her lip, and let out a shaky breath. She leaned back on Lincoln for support, and Clarke was reminded of all the times that just feeling Bellamy at her side had given her strength and comfort. “Anyway, Glass told them that they could go to hell. That this was _her_ child and she’d just as rather them not have any part in the child’s life anyway.”

Clarke chuckled dryly, at the memory of just how brave Glass always was. How determined she was to fight for those she loved. It was one of the things Wells had told her once that he’d fallen for in her. 

“Then I saw - before I knew what was happening, Glass’s father backhanded her - hard - across the cheek,” Octavia finished quietly. As soon as O said it, Clarke’s mind flashed with an image of Glass from that weekend, her face with a dark bruise across it from _falling off her bed and hitting the nightstand_. 

Clarke felt like a complete idiot. She _knew_ her parents had a history of abusing her and yet - Clarke sighed, gritting her teeth with how powerful the guilt of it all coursing through her.

“Fuck,” Bellamy breathed next to her. 

“Anyway, I did go in after that. Her parents just said nothing and stormed out. Glass - she begged me not to say anything, I’m sorry. I didn’t know what else to do.”

Clarke felt the tears slip down her face and she wiped hastily at them. “No, it’s okay. I should’ve known. So stupid,” she shook her head shakily. “So you’re here…” she trailed off, putting the pieces together.

“To testify,” O said again. 

“That’s putting you in the crosshairs of some pretty dangerous people, O,” Clarke told her. 

“I’m not afraid of some pompous lawyers or shit parents, Clarke,” Octavia refuted, sounding almost offended.

Clarke bit her lip, avoiding Bellamy’s concerned look. She could feel the tension bubbling up through him, his muscles taut and his expression worried as the elephant in the room of what she hadn’t told him yet rose to the surface. She’d planned on telling him when they were alone, but she didn’t want Octavia to risk herself without knowing the full story. It was time to tell him. 

“Why would it be dangerous, Clarke?” he asked softly. 

She breathed deeply and finally looked at him. This wonderful, loving, protective man that had entered her life and turned it into something she hadn’t expected. 

“Diana Sydney.”

***

Bellamy felt the anger roll over his body like a tidal wave. The fury that the name _Diana Sydney_ struck inside of him was instant. And even more so that Clarke was somehow caught in something regarding her. He knew from who Pike and Nigel were that she was a vile person, a facilitator of scumbags and monsters. But he couldn’t have dreamt that she would have a hand in the custody issue.

“Who the hell is Diana Sydney?” Octavia asked, vitriol in her tone, clearly having noticed Bellamy’s reaction. 

“She owns my house. It’s who Madi and I rent from,” she told O, before turning back to Bellamy. “You were right all along. She rented to me for a reason. ” His heart sank at the memory of his first impression, of his certainty that Clarke was no good because Sydney wasn’t. “She was the one who called me at my parents’ house in New York,” she added.

Bellamy closed his eyes for a beat before opening them. “That’s why you’ve been weird since then.” She nodded and he added without thinking, “I thought - ” but he cut himself off, not wanting to reveal just how nervous he’d been all week that she’d overheard the conversation between him and Jake in the kitchen after dinner. The fact that she hadn’t didn’t give him the relief it should’ve, though, considering the real reason for her being out of sorts. 

She cocked her head. “You thought... what?”

He shook his head. “Nevermind. So - Sydney… she threatened you, didn’t she?” he asked, fighting to keep his voice steady when he felt anything but. He was full of rage for Clarke, and for Madi, that they were being put in this position. 

Clarke breathed out heavily. “She told me that she was notified about what happened with Finn, because she’s the homeowner. And that if I wanted to keep Madi, if I wanted to keep my home, if I wanted her to call off her _friend_ , Cage Wallace, that I needed to listen and do what she said.”

“That’s how the Sorenson’s found out about Finn, son of a bitch,” Bellamy swore. “She was just waiting for an opportunity to leverage against you. What does she want you to do?”

“Remember how my mother said my father was working on something big?” she asked him. When he nodded, she continued. “Well, apparently, it’s an AI. And not just any AI, but an incredibly advanced one. That can tap into any network anywhere, at any time. I don’t know all the details, just that it’s referred to as A.L.I.E., and she wants me to steal the plans for it from Eligius. Mt. Weather, the organization that she and apparently Cage work for, wants the technology for themselves.”

“What the fuck for?” Octavia asked, all fire and steel now. The Blake temper coming out in both of them. 

“I don’t know,” Clarke scoffed. “But I get the feeling it’s not exactly legal. When I told Kane a couple of days ago about what Mt. Weather was trying to do, he said he’d heard of it, but that nobody has so far been able to obtain proof of any criminal activity. It’s big stuff. Sydney - she, uh,” Clarke chuckled dryly. “She _suggested_ that I use my dad to obtain the plans for it. _By any means necessary,_ ” she quoted. 

“Or she’ll sic her attack dog on you,” Octavia practically spit. 

“Yeah, with Madi caught in the middle,” Clarke added, her voice breaking. 

Bellamy breathed deeply, still forcing himself to stay as calm as he could, but everything she said only served to make him feel even more sick. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked. It wasn’t the most important question, by a long shot, but it’s what came out his mouth regardless. 

“I was going to when we got back, I promise, I’m so sorry. I just didn’t want to ruin the rest of your trip. And aside from Kane - I just, I didn’t know how to say it out loud.”

“Clarke - ” he said earnestly, and they were facing each other now, completely, Octavia and Lincoln all but forgotten with how silent they’d fallen. He wasn’t one for PDA, but this superseded any insecurities he had at showing his sister just how much Clarke meant to him. “I love you. That’s not going away. Whatever happens to you or to Madi, happens to me too.”

He leaned forward, kissing her softly on the lips, her face in his hands now. When he pulled back, she settled her side against his chest, breathing deeply. “Okay,” she began, addressing everyone now. “Well, maybe you can riddle this one out for me. Obviously I told her I wasn’t giving up - that she could try her worst, but I wasn’t letting them anywhere _near_ Madi. Any of them.”

Bellamy flinched at what Diana’s _worst_ could possibly be. He knew Clarke felt it because she gave him a little reassuring smile, using her eyes to soothe his nerves instead of her words.

“And then she told me I had until the trial to get my ass out. Which is now 6 days away.”

“Out… of where?” Octavia asked carefully. “Arkadia?”

Bellamy sighed. _This_ was why she didn’t she didn’t want to tell him until they got home. “Out of your house, right? Your home? Madi’s home? You have to move.”

Clarke bit the inside of cheek and nodded. “Yeah. I’ve been casually looking at other houses or apartments since she told me, but I, uh, I’m going to miss being neighbors,” she tried to joke, even knocking into him a little, but it fell a little flat in the face of what was happening. “I’ll tell Madi later, I’m _exhausted_ and I don’t have the heart to break hers tonight,” she finished, falling even further into him, a little heavily. “I should get her from Raven.” She turned to Octavia. “I’m really glad you’re back. I missed you.”

Octavia smiled, leaning forward and grabbing one of Clarke’s hands. Clarke wasn’t the only happy to have O home - he hadn’t realized just how much he’d missed having her around until she was flinging herself into his arms out front like she used to when she was little. 

“I’m glad to be back too. And don’t you worry, okay? I can take a little heat. That girl is worth it. _You_ are worth it. What you obviously have with my brother, as weird as it is to say, _is worth it_. I’m doing this - and yes, I _am_ doing this - ” she insisted, glancing back to give Lincoln a smile, who nodded right back at her firmly. “Because you are family. Madi is family, and I am going to fight like hell to protect my family.”

It was a little curious, seeing Octavia with Lincoln the way she was. Usually the men she gravitated towards were harder, wilder, riskier. It was why he’d been so hesitant to accept Lincoln. But he had to admit, there was something in the way she acted with him that told Bellamy that they were something more than just the usual. 

“Hey,” he said, putting his hand on Clarke’s back. “I’ll walk you over, okay?” he told her softly, helping her up off the couch. She groaned as she did so as if it was an enormous effort to even move. It looked like all of a sudden, whatever burst of energy she got with the excitement of Octavia showing up had started draining away.

“Lincoln and I will be over bright and early to make you and Madi some breakfast okay?” Octavia said excitedly, standing and wrapping Clarke in a hug one more time. 

“You make breakfast?” he asked his little sister with a smirk. “Like, besides toast?”

She gave him a look. “Hey, I lived in a country full of awesome food, I picked up a thing or two.”

“Sure you did.”

Octavia laughed and punched him in the shoulder. “You’ll see.” Then she threw a glance back at Lincoln. “And besides, whatever I can’t cook, _he_ can.” Lincoln laughed with her and took her hand as they turned to head for the stairs. “Okay, it is time for bed for us. I cannot get used to this time change and it’s like after midnight our time. Tell Rae night for us.”

“Will do, ‘night O.”

Bellamy grabbed her hand as they stepped out front, intertwining their fingers tightly - an anchor for him as much as for her. They got as far as the gate separating their properties before Clarke turned to him, smiling sadly. “You know you won’t be able to do this anymore. Walk me home, pop over in the morning for surprise breakfasts, carpool to work.”

He rolled his eyes, his thoughts going a million miles a minute. “I think no matter where you land, we’ll still do all those things,” he told her softly, the reality of the situation too much to fully comprehend.

Clarke only hummed a bit in response. He glanced over at her as they crossed the property line into her front yard. She stopped suddenly and stepped in front of him, placing her hands on his face to bring it to hers, kissing him soundly. Her arms slid around his neck firmly and pulled him in closer. He responded immediately, his hands securely on her waist, pulling her body flush against him. 

He pulled back, smiling wide when her lips chased after his. Her eyes fluttered open. 

“Whatever happened to you being exhausted?”

She smirked at him, the sexiest little side smile that he couldn’t help but dip down to kiss the corner of. “Oh I am - _very_ exhausted. But I feel like I’m tired _all the time_ lately. And right now, I just want to feel something else _other_ than tired... “ she trailed off, reaching up on her tiptoes to kiss the stubble on his jaw. 

The contrast of her soft lips against the roughness sent a shiver down his back, his eyes drifting shut with the sensation and it was less than a second before his lips had surged towards her again, the intensity of his entire body being lit on fire making him feel like he was about to combust. 

He walked them backwards a few more feet until they hit the side of her house, hidden in the shadows the early evening provided as he opened his mouth to deepen the kiss even more, every ounce of fervor and ferocity he placed in the way he devoured her matched with her own strength and passion. Bellamy’s hands roamed just as much as hers did, and it wasn’t long until his hands had slipped under her shirt and her leg rose to hitch up around him, using the house as leverage. 

“Clarke - ” he breathed as his lips moved to her jaw, kissing his way back until he hit her earlobe, pulling it between his teeth and tugging gently, eliciting a moan to escape her mouth that was anything but subtle. He smiled against her skin as he let go of her ear and continued down her neck. She was grabbing at his clothing but with them practically being in the front yard it wasn’t like he could realistically rip his or her clothes off. 

Not that he didn’t want to rip her clothes off - on the contrary, he _very much_ did.

“I need - Bell - _oh_ I need more,” she breathed into his neck, her voice a complete and utter wreck as she stammered out the words.

He lifted his head to look at her, the words that had entered his thoughts slamming themselves to the forefront of his mind and making their way to the tip of his tongue. Her eyes were closed still until she realized he’d stopped his ministrations. She frowned before even looking at him, her lips pursed in a pout and eyebrows scrunched together. “I said _more_ , not less,” she told him stubbornly, finally looking at him. 

_Don’t do it._

_Not now._

His head begged him not to open his mouth. They were both tired from their trip, tired from the information they’d been given, tired from the effort they’d spent that week worrying and trying to figure out a way to keep Madi. 

This was not the time. 

But she was right there in his arms, and there wasn’t a doubt in his mind, not a single thread or path that didn’t lead back to her. He was in this, all the way; he’d told her that from the beginning. Which was all of three weeks ago, which, admittedly, made this all the more crazy. All the more reason to keep the words in his head for now.

But sometimes love was crazy and didn’t make sense. 

His head begged him not to open his mouth. 

But he was never very good with using his head. He was always someone who led with his heart instead. And his heart was the one that led him to loving Clarke, to loving Madi. And now his heart was telling him to do something. _Say_ something. Well, not something. Only one thing, really. 

“Bell? Everything ok?” she asked softly, her fingertips coming up to his cheek and her leg coming down off his hip. It’d been more than a few seconds since he’d stopped kissing her, while he debated on whether to jump or not. 

He looked her in the eyes - his home, his whole world, his entire soul resting in those pale blue irises. A moment ago they’d been curious and uncertain what he was doing but now she looked at him like she knew what he was about to say, the anticipation and expectation evident.

He forced himself to breathe, albeit a little heavily, and opened his mouth to speak. 

“Marry me.”

He said it so quietly and her face remained in the expression it was already in so at first he wasn’t sure she’d even heard him. But then her face morphed - her eyes went wide and her breathing sped up and her hands flew to his chest, fisting his shirt so tightly like she was trying to find purchase on something to keep her steady. His hands, which were now shaking with nerves, went to her hips to help with that while he waited the agonizing minutes for her to open her mouth and respond.

“N - you - _what? What did you just say?_ ” she breathed out.

He huffed a little chuckle. “You want me to say it again?”

She shook her head a little, and released his shirt, pushing him backwards walking with him in the middle of the yard. “You can’t possibly be serious… there’s no way I heard you correctly.”

“Clarke - ”

“No,” she breathed. “This isn’t - I don’t - I’m sorry, we can’t.”

“No? Why not?” he asked, trying to keep his heart from cracking. He knew this wasn’t exactly the most romantic of proposals, the most apt of timing, the most expected words to come out of his mouth and he knew Clarke wasn’t a jumper like he was. While he led best with his heart, her head was what _she_ relied on, and a quickie marriage after a few weeks of dating wasn’t exactly normal or rational. 

“Because.”

“Because?”

“Because… because… because because we can’t - ” she stammered, waving her arms around wildly. “After everything we’re going through right now? I have to find a place to live, I have to figure out how to keep Madi safe from Sydney - you safe from Sydney. I have to figure out my leave from the school… and to top it all off… _Bellamy_. I just - I don't know.”

He smiled at her. He’d learned a while ago how Clarke Griffin looked when she was flustered and anxious and unsure. It entitled a lot of rambling and a lot of wild motioning, and a decent amount of voice cracking. All things that were happening at this very moment.

“Bellamy, we can’t. This is crazy, no - I can’t - I can’t marry you. Not like this. Not when we’re going through all this.”

“This is _why_ we should do this. Don’t you think being married would help all of that?”

Her eyebrows shot up and her mouth set in a thin line and she folded her arms across her chest. She huffed and shook her head and Bellamy’s heart sank when he realized how that had sounded and he instantly regretted saying what he had. He opened his mouth to explain - to reassure her that wasn’t what he had meant, but she spoke again.

“That’s - that’s why you - ” her face scrunched like she was in pain. _Fuck._

“No, Clarke, shit that’s not - please, let me - ”

“I’m tired, Bellamy," she stopped him. "And I need to go relieve Raven with Madi. I can’t - I can’t do this. I love you, I promise I do, and I swear, I _want_ to marry you, but not - not like this. Not just because - I just - I’m sorry. We'll talk about this tomorrow, okay?” She turned to go and he was left watching her leave, thinking that he only wanted to marry her because it was convenient or would look good or better or something to the courts or to give her and Madi an easy place to live instead of because he was insanely in love with her. Instead of wanting to genuinely spend the rest of his life with her and Madi and be the family he already felt in his heart that they were. 

So it was up to him to show her. 

And he knew _exactly_ what to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OCTAVIA CAME HOME?!  
> AND IS TESIFYING?!  
> DIANA SYDNEY MAKES HER INTENTIONS KNOWN?!  
> CLARKE HAS TO MOVE?!  
> and last, but certainly not least...
> 
> A MARRIAGE PROPOSAL?!  
> WHICH CLARKE TURNS DOWN?! (for now)
> 
> Told y'all it was a lot!  
> Hope it was worth the wait 😜  
> You can scream here, at me on [tumblr](https://dayo488.tumblr.com/), or both if it helps 😉  
> See you soon all! ❤  
> Now I'm off to try to catch up on all of your AMAZINGLY KIND comments!


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY EVERYONE!
> 
> Oh my goodness, the response on that last chapter had be floating for DAYS! Seriously you all are too kind to me. I'm very excited to post this next one, and I sincerely hope you all enjoy!
> 
> ❤  
> ETA: If you get two notifications about this chapter being posted, the one you're reading is the correct one - I was having some issues with my html tags so I had to delete and correct it

Clarke fled. 

Admittedly, it was not one of her finer moments. 

But the blood was pounding in her ears and her body was still sparking like a live wire from making out with him before they ended up being interrupted _again_. 

Interrupted by possibly the most ill-timed and impractical proposal of all time. 

For someone who had been perfectly fine before Bellamy Blake with just being on her own - just her and Madi, she had spent a rather ridiculous amount of time wondering if her and Bellamy would get married one day. She insisted on thinking of it as _one day_ because the rational side of her knew that despite how quickly and deeply they’d fallen for each other, there was no possible way they were getting married anytime soon. There was too much chaos, too much to still figure out. 

And then two little words -

_Marry me._

\- and her whole world felt like it had come to a crashing halt. 

She still couldn’t figure out if that was a good or a bad thing. 

Hot tears pricked the corners of her eyes as she flew towards the house, leaving the man she loved all alone on the front lawn after turning down his offer to marry her. 

But that was what it had felt like - an offer. Like for a job or a service. 

When he’d said - he’d all but said outright that the marriage would be one of convenience. And sure, she didn’t doubt for a second that they were completely in love with one another, but that wasn’t _why_ he was suggesting it. It was a solution to a problem. And that wasn’t how or why she wanted to enter into something she would be committing to for the rest of her life. 

It had felt like a punch to her gut and a bucket of cold ice water all at once, and it _hurt_. And now a heavy rock had settled in her stomach when she thought of the inevitable conversation they’d have at some point about it. 

Raven obviously knew something big was up when Clarke walked in the house, but she couldn’t possibly imagine reliving the whole thing all over again so she only shook her head and promised to call her friend later. She Raven wanted to pry, wanted to stay until Clarke fessed up, but something in Clarke’s expression must’ve told her that this wasn’t the time because she simply gave Clarke a tighter hug than normal and a small smile before leaving Clarke and Madi to the rest of their evening.

She was utterly and completely and _thoroughly_ exhausted. 

Clarke knew she’d hurt him too when she turned him down, she’d seen it all over his face. He wore his heart on his sleeve and it looked like she’d ripped it off and stomped on it. 

Which made the pain she was feeling over his reasons for proposing become wrapped in a layer of guilt as well. It was the most insane and horrible of cycles and she wasn’t sure what to do with it. She curled up under her mountain of blankets after she and Madi ate dinner, half-way unpacked, and got ready for bed. Madi insisted on wearing the sweatshirt of O’s that Bellamy had given her and Clarke was of course wearing his own hoodie. His smell was long gone now, the citrus of her shampoo the only scent remaining in the fibers. 

Even that fact hurt.

She _wanted_ to crawl into bed with him every night. She _wanted_ his smell all over everything of hers. She _wanted_ his stuff strewn about, his books upside down on his own nightstand, and his stuff in the bathroom. Her heart ached when it wasn’t near to him and she wasn’t sure how exactly she was going to handle not being 50 feet away in the house next door. 

She groaned loudly, frustrated to no end with her inability to escape to her dreams for the night and her mind constantly played their conversation in the yard on a loop. Also, the way her body felt kissing him. That sort of hunger was definitely still present too. 

She was a fucking mess of conflicting emotions. 

Clarke forced herself to think of something else - and her mind shifted to the trial that started next week and the fact that her friend was finally home from Italy. Octavia had been a sight for sore eyes and arms and Clarke was so grateful that she’d been so willing and ready to fight for her and Madi, regardless of the risk of going up against Sydney. 

Which reminded Clarke that even after telling Bellamy about the Sydney’s ultimatum, she hadn’t needed to ask whether _he_ was willing to take the risk - because she knew she didn’t need to. She knew and trusted that he was in it for the long haul.

The long haul.

Annnnnd her mind had now circled back around to the proposal again. 

Fucking hell.

Her phone dinged next to her and like she had some sort of Bellamy-spidey sense, she knew unequivocally that it was him. 

**_Bellamy:_ ** _Hey you up?_

**_Clarke:_ ** _Yeah_

**_Bellamy:_ ** _I’m so sorry for earlier. Can we talk tomorrow? Please?_

Clarke knitted her eyebrows together, closing her eyes for a moment before responding. 

**_Clarke:_** _Of course we can. I love you._

**_Bellamy:_ ** _I will always love you too_

Clarke fell asleep that night reading and rereading his last text, assuring her that she didn’t screw them up by turning him down, by running away. She could almost hear his voice saying it, all the other times so deeply etched into her soul that it was impossible to forget. It was what she held onto as she finally drifted off.

\-----------------------------

The next day Clarke woke up to Bellamy, Octavia and Lincoln in the kitchen, probably having let themselves in using Bellamy’s copy of the key. The smell of fresh coffee and pancakes and some other unidentifiable delicious scent wafted all the way up to her room, and she dragged herself out of bed and down the stairs, grateful that it was only Saturday and they still had a couple days before she had to go back to work.

Bellamy was on the couch, Madi snuggled up on his lap, still in her pajamas and messy bed head, and he was reading her a book Clarke had never seen before. The sight melted her heart and when he glanced at her coming down the stairs she saw that what she’d been worried about all last night was for nothing - he looked at like he always did, like she was the entire world to him. She managed to give him a quick small smile before Madi had her little hands up on his cheeks to drag his gaze back to their book. 

She wandered over to the counter where Lincoln and Octavia were laughing over something Clarke didn’t catch, though with the flour caking O’s nose, she had a feeling it might have something to do with that. 

“Good morning sleepyhead,” Octavia greeted brightly, pouring her a cup of coffee and handing it over. 

“I still can’t believe you’re actually here,” Clarke smiled at her old friend, then chuckled a little while sneaking a glance back at her two loves on the couch. “Or that Bell is actually letting you cook,” she added with a sly grin.

“Hey, I told her I’d let them do it - no help from me,” he called over.

Octavia rolled her eyes and leaned over. “He went out and got donuts early this morning, just in case though,” she told Clarke, nodding her head over to the box on the table. Clarke let out a laugh as she took another sip. “For no reason!” she added loudly, so her brother would be sure to hear her. 

Bellamy didn’t respond that time though so Clarke made her way over to the couch. She hovered awkwardly for a moment, because the look he’d given her earlier, she knew there were a lot of things still left unsaid between them. He looked up at her, letting out a sad sigh when he noticed her hesitation. He opened the arm on the opposite side of Madi and she tucked herself into his side. He leaned over, kissing her chastely on the lips and she sighed into it, feeling the tension ebb away. 

He pulled back only slightly. “Good morning,” he told her softly. 

“Hey,” she replied, giving him one more kiss before turning to the little girl in his lap. “And a good morning to you, little one. What’re you two reading?”

“Otavia and Lincon got it for me!” she told Clarke, turning the book towards her.

Clarke glanced over to the kitchen, Octavia was already watching the three of them with a fond look on her face. “Can’t come home without gifts! What kind of Auntie would I be?” she winked. 

“So how many times have you already read this to her?” Clarke asked Bellamy with a small chuckle. 

“Four,” he affirmed. “And for the record, I didn’t get the donuts _expecting_ her to screw it up - ”

“ - uh huh...” Clarke placated.

“I just like to be prepared,” he defended. “And you know, donuts go well with pancakes anyway,” he insisted.

Clarke grinned even wider. “Totally,” she affirmed, kissing his cheek. “You want more coffee?”

Bellamy nodded enthusiastically. “Especially if I’m going to read this a _fifth_ time,” he explained, pretending to sound annoyed, though Clarke knew he was anything but _._ He loved reading to Madi and very rarely, if ever, turned her down. 

She laughed as Madi wiggled and bounced up and down on his lap, anxious for him to get started, and grabbed his mug off the coffee table to refill.

An hour later, the pancakes and frittata - the smell she hadn’t been able to recognize - that Lincoln and Octavia made had been devoured, and to Bellamy’s admittance - complete with an extremely proud expression on his face - every single part was mouth-wateringly delicious. Octavia beamed when Bellamy told her how good it was, clearly excited that her new skills hadn’t gone unappreciated by her big brother. 

Bellamy kept sneaking glances at her all through breakfast and Clarke’s heart beat a little faster each time he did. She couldn’t figure out what was behind his eyes, though she was pretty certain it had something to do with the conversation they were planning on having later, most likely during Madi’s nap when they could talk without being interrupted. 

And as if on cue, Madi spilled her full cup of milk all over the table.

“Sorry! Sorry!” the little girl exclaimed. They all jumped into action, Octavia grabbing paper towels off the roll on the counter, Lincoln grabbing the plates and cups, Bellamy grabbing Madi herself before she could get too milk-covered, and Clarke grabbing the cleaning spray from under the sink. 

“Hey, it’s okay, munchkin. Accidents happen,” Bellamy was soothing her. “You just have to be careful when we give you a big girl cup, okay? Two hands.”

“These ones?” Madi asked, and as Clarke wiped up the excess on the table she caught out the corner of her eye Madi holding up both of her hands, fingers splayed wide. 

“Yep, those two. Both hands on the cup, okay?”

Madi nodded enthusiastically as Clarke approached them. “Should we take you upstairs and get you changed, sweet girl?” she asked and Madi wiggled to get down out of Bellamy’s arms and fly up the stairs. She turned to Bellamy. “I should go help her pick something out before she chooses something she shouldn’t and it becomes a whole thing.”

“Take your time. I actually need to get going.”

Clarke cocked her head. “Go? Um, okay. I thought....” she trailed off, wiping a stray curl out of her face as her brows furrowed in confusion. Of course he was free to go, but she’d been under the impression that he wanted to talk. She’d just assumed he’d spend the day at their house, but maybe that was just wishful thinking on her part.

Maybe they weren’t as okay as she’d hoped they’d be after last night. 

The thought made her heart and her head pound. It wasn’t doubt so much as self-consciousness that was rearing its ugly head in Clarke’s thoughts. She reminded herself for the millionth time since the night before that they’d find their way through this and no matter what happened next, they would face it together. That he loved her, that he’d always love her. 

“Stop worrying,” he told her softly and her eyes snapped to his, not at all surprised that he’d known what was going through her mind. His lips quirked up into a soft smile, a look of affection and assurance to counter the worry and unease in her thoughts. His fingers lifted to her face, tucking the strand that she’d been fighting with behind her ear. “I love you. And I will see you later.”

“Okay,” Clarke nodded, not sure or able to say much else. Except - “I love you too.”

“I was hoping you did,” he smirked, throwing the words she’d spoken to him in the wildflower field back to her. She let out a little breathy chuckle, which was cut short by his lips covering hers. The kiss was brief, but he still managed to speed her heart up, pulling her in gently with a hand on the small of her back that she hadn’t remembered him putting there. “I’ll see you later,” he repeated, then he left, waving good-bye to his sister and Lincoln, who were busy at the sink, doing dishes and clearly trying not to eavesdrop.

Clarke took a deep breath and let it out in a sigh, before turning back to the stairs to go upstairs and try to avoid a fight over clothing choices with her three year old. Whatever it was Bellamy was planning on saying, she’d just have to trust in her faith in him - in his promises, his word, his love. 

Yeah, she could do that.

***

Bellamy delicately rubbed the twisted metal between his thumb and forefinger, the light from the diamond reflecting off his living room lights. When he’d left Clarke’s a couple hours ago, he’d gone upstairs, where the ring of Clarke’s grandmother that Jake and Abby had given him almost a week ago was hidden safely in the little lockbox in his closet. Bringing the little box downstairs and sitting on the couch, he’d cracked it open and gently pulled the family heirloom from the box. 

Clarke thought he proposed spontaneously, without thinking it through all the way. 

Clarke thought he proposed because it would look good to the court, or worse - because he didn’t have faith that she could win the custody battle as a single parent. 

That broke his heart. 

Because, in truth, she didn’t need him. She was tenacious - a powerful force of nature mama bear who would never even entertain the possibility of going down without a fight. Or of going down at all. 

_Of course_ he believed in her. More than anybody or anything.

_Of course_ he wanted to marry her for the sole reason of spending the rest of his life with her and with Madi. 

And while the proposal might have been very _in the moment_ , it was anything but spontaneous. It was why he’d been a little off this last week. Clarke’s weirdness was a result of Sydney’s phone call - his had been because her parents had given Bellamy the Griffin family ring while she was on said phone call. 

It was something he hadn’t expected - but after dinner, while Clarke was on the phone with Sydney and Abby in the living room with Madi, he and Jake had gone to put all the dishes away. 

_*_

_“Hey, you mind helping me out with these dishes, Bellamy?” Jake asked him, as Clarke walked away to take her phone call. He wondered who it could possibly be that had made her frown like that, but he let it go for the time being, turning to Jake to answer him._

_“Yes, sir, absolutely.”_

_“No need for Sir, son. I have a feeling we’ll be family before long,” Jake smirked._

_Jake’s offhanded comment struck Bellamy - as far as they knew, he and Clarke had only been dating a couple of weeks and he could just be another man in their daughter’s life._

_Bellamy of course knew that wasn’t the case, but what made Jake assume anything different?_

_They spent a little while quietly washing since Bellamy wasn’t exactly sure what to say, before Jake spoke again._

_“You know why I wash the dishes, Bellamy?”_

_Bellamy glanced up from one of the plates he’d been drying. They were beautiful, clearly more than something bought on Amazon or Target like his were - the whole set probably worth more than his car. But he tried not to think about that too deeply, since it wasn’t like Jake or Abby acted much different than any other family._

_“Because they need to be washed?” Bellamy guessed with a laugh. He wasn’t exactly sure where Jake was headed with this, but he wanted to participate nonetheless._

_“Yes, that’s exactly it. But really, I guess my question was more of why I am the one to wash them? I could have hired help to do so. I’m a very busy man,” he told Bellamy._

_“Yeah, Clarke has talked about how proud of the work you do. Technological advancement helps everyone in a bunch of different positions.”_

_Jake nodded. “Abby and Clarke - they are my whole world, Madi too. I work a lot, and it’s important work, but it’s nowhere near as important as they are. As their husband and father, whether they need me to or not - and believe me, son, I am surrounded by a few of the most independent of women - I enjoy taking care of them. I enjoy making the effort of doing the dishes myself when I’ve made a meal because it’s one of my ways that I show I love them. They are my family. And I will always look out for them and protect them. And it is killing me to hear Clarke having to go through such pain with this custody hearing.”_

_“Yeah, it hurts me too,” Bellamy agreed quietly, staring at the plate he continued to dry off with the towel. There wasn’t one more drop of water anywhere on it, but he didn’t want to disrupt Jake’s spiel._

_“I can see that,” he said firmly, setting the sponge in the sink and turning to lean against the counter, his gaze focused on Bellamy. “Did you know that Abby and I knew each other barely a month before we got married?” When Bellamy shook his head, a little surprised that Clarke hadn’t ever mentioned that to him, Jake continued. “Her parents were less than thrilled about her running off with me. And I promised myself that if that ever happened with one of my children, I would support them, if I truly believed that it was what they wanted. Now, clearly I’m not so traditional that I expect you to know or owe me any information into exactly what your intentions with my daughter are, but - ”_

_Bellamy’s eyes snapped to the man and he opened his mouth to interject. “My intentions?” he chuckled. “I love your daughter, Jake. I love your granddaughter. And my intentions are very simple. I intend to spend my life with Clarke - taking care of her, protecting her, making her happy, holding her hand or standing beside her through anything life throws at us, making sure that for every second of every day of our life together that she knows how loved she is.”_

_It was very forward. Way more forward than he’d planned to be, but it was like once he opened his mouth, it all came rushing out. And he needed Jake and Abby to know that and have no doubt that their daughter was as loved as she was. He doubted he’d ever have the words to adequately express how deep his feelings actually went, but he thought he had summed it up well enough._

_Jake considered him for a long moment - days if Bellamy was allowed to guess based on what it felt like, though realistically he knew it’d only been a minute or two. Jake pushed himself off the counter and turned back to the sink._

_“Well, alright then,” he said simply, throwing the rag back to Bellamy._

_Bellamy caught it and sighed a breath of relief, releasing an anxiousness that he hadn’t realized his body had formed._

_“It sounds like you’re going to need this,” Abby’s voice said, entering the kitchen from behind them. Bellamy turned and his eyes zeroed in on a small box in her hand. His eyes shot up to Abby, who wore a determined, but understanding expression, and then they flickered over to Jake, who’s own expression wore a self-assured smirk._

_“Is that - ” Bellamy stammered out._

_“Clarke’s grandmother’s. It was mine. But after hearing that little speech of your’s… you know Bellamy, for all the ways my daughter and I are different, we are both the same in one respect. Once we decide on something, we are immovable,” Abby told him, walking towards him, shooting Jake a look when he snorted at her words. “I know my daughter, and she has decided you are what she wants. I see it in the way she speaks about you, looks at you. It’s the same way I look at Jake,” she said fondly, looking at her husband, who joined his wife by her side. “And yes, this is fast and of course I was concerned at first with how quickly she seems to have fallen for you._

_“But, I have to say, after the things you said, how easily and sincerely you said them, I understand now. And if or when you decide to ask her to be your wife, I want you to have this for her. She always talked about as a little girl that she wanted my ring.” Abby took a deep, shaky breath. “You don’t have to, the last thing I want to do is pressure you. But it’s your’s, if you want it.”_

_Bellamy stared back at the box again, open now on the counter. It was definitely vintage, a brilliantly clear diamond set in a twisted rose gold band, little diamond leaves accenting the center stone. It fit Clarke’s taste perfectly, and he could hardly believe this was something he was actually considering so quickly into their relationship._

_Yet, as unbelievable as it was, it was also the most simply obvious thing._

_He smiled and nodded at the both of them, clicking the small box shut and holding it tightly before tucking it into his pocket. “I love her. I will always love her. And I would be honored to give her your ring, Abby. Thank you.”_

_*_

Bellamy’s eyes were squeezed shut as tightly as his hand was around the ring. The memory was fresh, and made his heart beat as wildly as it had when it had all happened. Clarke had walked in the kitchen not even a full minute after he had safely hidden the ring in his pocket, Madi dozing on her shoulder. She must’ve taken Madi from Abby after her phone call with Sydney.

All three pairs of eyes had snapped to her, and Bellamy had held his breath to see if there was any indication that she’d overheard them talking about the ring. A pit had grown in his stomach when he’d seen the look on her face, the distressed, anxious, panicky look that he had been incredibly worried had to do with the conversation about marriage.

He had been sure she’d overheard and didn’t want him to propose after all. He wouldn’t have blamed her - it _was_ fast after all. But she didn’t say anything and he wasn’t sure how to bring it up so instead he’d acted weird the rest of the trip, assuming her off mood was about the same thing. 

He never dreamt it had been about her phone call with Sydney that had been taking place at the same time as his conversation with Jake and Abby.

Clarke really had no idea that he had the ring at all, or was thinking of proposing. 

And it was time he let her in.

Glancing at the clock and knowing that Madi was probably down for her nap, he put the ring back in the box, and clamped it shut, clutching it tight and steeling his nerve. He shouldn’t be as nervous as he was, but still, his heart pounded away in his chest. He tried not to think about what it would feel like if she turned him down a second time.

“Bell? You okay?” he heard his sister ask and he turned to face her on the stairs. They’d come home from Clarke’s a little after him that morning and had been upstairs getting ready to head out - O had told him she wanted to show Lincoln around the town, ending with lunch at their mother’s diner. 

Bellamy just shrugged and tucked his hand holding the ring behind his back and rubbed his neck nervously with the other. It was the wrong thing to do, however, because she quickly called him on it. She folded her arms and strutted towards him, like a cat approaching it’s prey. 

“Whatcha got behind your back, big brother?” she asked expectedly.

“Nothing,” he defended lamely, because _obviously_ he was hiding something.

Octavia’s lips quirked up in a sly grin and he realized only a second before what she was going to do. 

She’d always been worlds faster than him. He’d had brute strength, but she’d always been the nimble one.

Typical sibling hijinks ensued and after a brief struggle, she was holding up the box in front of his face with her expression twisted in disbelief, her green eyes as wide as saucers and he sighed and collapsed back down on the couch in defeat.

“Is this what I think it is?!” she exclaimed, clearly already knowing his answer.

“Well, obviously.”

Octavia sat next to him, handing the box back to him. “I can’t believe it. I swear, I never thought I’d see the day.”

“Thanks, O,” he said sarcastically, snatching the ring out of her hands.

She laughed. “That’s not what I meant,” she told him, knocking into his shoulder. “I just meant, you’ve always wanted this and I wanted it for you, _so badly_ , and now it’s here. I’m just really happy for you.”

“Well, she hasn’t exactly said yes, yet.”

“Still, good on you for trying again.”

His gaze snapped to hers, his eyes narrowing suspiciously. _Again?_

Octavia saw his look and her fingers fiddled with the ends of her long straight hair, the way she always used to when she’d overspoken and was nervous. His baby sister might be all grown up, but he still knew her better than most.

“Clarke and I may have had a conversation about it earlier after you left,” she admitted. Bellamy sighed in response. “Look, she just wanted to know, as your sister, whether I think she blew it with you or not.”

His face twisted in confusion. “How could she think that?”

Octavia huffed. “Well, she sounded like she kept going back and forth. Like she couldn’t quite land on whether she wanted to rely on the love she knows you have for her or if she was worried she legitimately scared you off with the one thing you wouldn’t be able to get past.”

He snorted. “I don’t think there’s anything she could do to scare me off like that. It was partially my fault anyway,” he said. “I blurted it out while we were both overtired and I said some things that made it sound like this was more for convenience than because I loved her.” He shook his head. “I need to make it right. I need to show her I’m serious.”

Octavia hummed. “Yeah, she’s freaking out a little bit. And as weird as it was at first to hear the two of you were together - to be honest, I _never_ thought you’d even get along. But hearing the way she talked about you, how worried she was, how in love with you she is… it’s kind of perfect. I’m a little annoyed at myself for not introducing the two of you sooner.”

He huffed out a laugh. “Thanks, O. I’m glad you’re home.”

“Even if I didn’t come by myself _and_ basically forced you to put me and the boyfriend I brought with me up?” she asked with a smirk.

“Even then,” he told her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. “But speaking of… if Clarke says yes - ”

Octavia put her hands up. “I know, I know, I’m out on my ass. Don’t worry, Bell, I’ll find somewhere to go.”

He looked at her sternly again. “You are always welcome in my home, you know that.”

Octavia waved him off. “I know, I know. But _when_ this works out, you’ll have Madi too, and you three deserve your own space.”

“Again, assuming she says yes. She wasn’t exactly thrilled about the idea last night.”

“Yeah, well, from what I’ve gathered from her and now you, it didn’t exactly sound like you asked her because you loved her. You’ll fix it,” Octavia pointed out.

He nodded. “I hope so. I will,” he resolved.

O gave him one last smile before glancing at the stairs where Lincoln had just started walking down. “Sorry, am I interrupting?” he asked.

Octavia shook her head and made her way over to her boyfriend. “Nope, we were done. Sisterly duty accomplished,” she announced, and Bellamy couldn't help but chuckle at her. She turned back to him. “It’s going to be fine, Bell. She’s in love with you. That little girl loves you too. You three make a pretty damn cute family, if I do say so myself,” she winked at him.

He smiled shyly, the idea that they could be an official family making his heart beat even faster. It excited him, and he wanted it _so badly_ he felt like he was going to jump out of his skin. 

“You two aren’t so bad, either,” he told his sister and Lincoln, trying to sound like it was no big deal, but by the way O’s face lit up excitedly, he knew it was to her. “Glad she had you while she was over there, Lincoln.”

Octavia beamed even brighter and Lincoln nodded at him. “I was lucky to have her too. I’m not - I’m not one to be very social. But Octavia… she’s incredible. And she really made our experience in Italy amazing. I was thrilled that she wanted me to come with her to Arkadia. You did a wonderful job, raising O. I know you’ll do a great job with Madi too.”

Bellamy tried to force himself to maintain his composure, so he stood and walked over to the two of them to offer his hand to Lincoln. “Thank you,” he said, looking into the man’s eyes so he would know he was being sincere. It didn’t take a genius to see how serious the two of them were and despite his best efforts to keep the man in love with his sister at arm’s length, Bellamy really did see that he was a good man, who would be good to O.

“Now, _go_ ,” Octavia insisted, shoving at him. “Go get your girl,” she smirked.

Bellamy put his hands up in surrender. “Okay, okay, I’m going. Have fun with Mom. Tell her I said hi.” And then off of O’s mischievous grin, he added, “But so help me if you tell her about this. It should be me.”

“No promises…” she teased.

“I’ll stop her,” Lincoln promised.

Octavia pretended to be offended. “I’m not sure I like you two teaming up on me,” she told them, narrowing her eyes.

Bellamy shrugged and laughed. “I don’t know, I think it’s a nice change of pace.” 

Lincoln chuckled and Octavia rolled her eyes and smacked her boyfriend lightly in the chest. Then she shooed Bellamy out the door and stole his keys so they could borrow his truck. He watched from the front porch as they left and after patting the ring box in his left pocket that suddenly felt like it weighed a thousand pounds, he took off for Clarke’s. 

She opened the door instantly, almost like she’d been standing right by it, and he fought the urge to kiss the pink flush from her cheeks. She was biting her lip, one of her anxious tells, and he tried to smile at her reassuringly. 

“Hey,” she greeted, out of breath.

Now that the moment was here, and she was right in front of him, he’d expected that his anxiety would shoot through the roof. But instead, all his nerves from the past few hours - the past _week_ even - completely disappeared. He felt a wave of calm flow through him and he was _sure_ , completely and thoroughly, of what he was about to do.

He stepped a little closer. “Can we talk?” 

***

Clarke swallowed heavily, her heart hammering in her chest a mile a minute. She nodded, any words that she might have said getting lost in her throat. She had no idea what he was going to say or do and it was keeping her on edge. Though her talk with Octavia earlier had helped some, she was still anxious.

Madi had gone down for a nap a half hour before and she’d spent most of that time wringing her hands and walking around in circles, trying to decide whether she should call him or wait for him to come to her. When he’d knocked on her door, she jumped, startled but grateful that the decision had been made for her. 

His features were steady, kind in that way that never failed to make her fall just a little bit more for him. His strength and sureness helped to still her own nerves. She stepped back to let him come inside, but he shook his head and grabbed her hand, pulling her out with him. 

“Out here, if that’s okay,” he said softly, and again she nodded. She was really going to have to find her voice soon - presumably part of them talking with each other was going to depend on her ability to hold her own side of the conversation. 

His hand was warm in hers, and she drew comfort in the fact that every couple of steps, he’d squeeze her hand and use his thumb to rub circles, a silent reassurance for her to draw from his confidence and strength. By the time they reached the fence, her heart had started to beat a little slower and her mind had reminded her that any fears she had about this were unfounded. That she trusted and believed in his love for her.

“Why’re we out here?” she asked when they stopped, grateful her voice didn’t sound shaky.

He took a deep breath and faced her, grabbing her other hand too. “This is where I saw you for the first time. Rolling up in your fancy car, packed to the nines with stuff, and the most adorable little girl in the backseat,” he told her, and she chuckled a little. “This spot right here is where my entire life changed and I didn’t even know it.”

Her smile faded and she swallowed hard again. She looked up into his eyes and it was like she could see the whole world.

Her breath left her body in one fell _swoosh_ when she realized what was happening.

_Oh._

“Bellamy,” she breathed. 

He smiled softly and it almost stopped her heart completely. 

“Last night, I asked you a question. And it was in the moment and I took you off guard and I should’ve waited until I could do it properly. So let me be clear, now.” He stepped a little closer. “I love you, Clarke Griffin. I don’t want to live my life without you by my side. I don’t even want to _breathe_ without you.”

Clarke could feel tears springing to her eyes and she tried to will them to stay there instead of spilling over. 

“Every night, I go to bed and I dream about you and our life together and what it could be - what I _want_ it to be,” he clarified further, swallowing heavily. “But I don’t want to dream about you. I want to wake up with you next to me. And I don’t care if I met you a few months ago, or if by society’s standards we’re moving too fast. When I think about what I want my life to be like, it begins and ends the same. With you. And with Madi,” he added. 

A tear escaped and rolled down her cheek. He smiled at it and wiped it off with a soft swipe of his thumb. “Yes, last night was very spur of the moment, but it was anything but spontaneous.”

She cocked her head, confused, because last she checked, those two were the same thing. 

He laughed, smiling wide then, and it lit up his entire face. “What I mean, is that it was something I was already planning on doing. Just not like that.”

“You were?” she asked, her voice barely a whisper. 

He nodded and stepped back, and for a moment, she thought that was it, that it was all he had planned on saying. 

Then he pulled a small black box out of his pocket.

Her eyes snapped to his and she saw him watching her carefully, looking to see what her reaction would be. Her mouth dropped open as she gasped, and on her exhale couldn’t help but break out in a giant smile. 

“You have a ring,” she stated matter-of-factly.

He nodded again, his smile somehow even bigger in response to hers. “I’ve had it for about a week now.”

“Oh,” she breathed, her eyes darting between the box and his eyes. 

“I don’t want to marry you for convenience. That’s not - you don’t need that. You’ll win this case with or without me. I have faith in you. I _believe_ in you. And you know what? If you’re not ready, that’s okay. I’ll wait forever for you Clarke Griffin. I want to spend eons with you. And it doesn’t matter to me if it starts now, or tomorrow, or in a week, or next year, or in five years, or twenty. I want to marry you because I _want_ to. Simple as that. Because I _love_ you, and I don’t want anybody or anything else that isn’t you.”

Clarke closed her eyes briefly, her body shaking like a leaf. But for once, it wasn’t due to anxiety, or panic, or sorrow. 

It was _excitement_.

She opened them to see him waiting patiently for her to say something. She stepped forward and slung her arms around his neck. He instinctively wrapped his around her waist, the box now behind her back. 

Their faces were only inches apart and every single inch of her wanted every single inch of him, but she refrained. Because there were some very important words that she needed to say first.

“Are you sure? Because you know once we do this, there’s no going back,” she smirked. “And I’ve heard I can be quite obstinate. And we haven’t even slept together yet,” Clarke said low.

Bellamy hummed and chuckled a little, rubbing his nose against hers as he drew her in close. “Oh I think I’m up for it, Princess,” he countered. Then added with a little smirk. “And as for the other thing, we’ll have our whole lives for that.”

Her hands shifted to frame his face. “Good. Because I’m never letting you go,” she whispered to him and she felt him sigh into her. “I want forever with you too. So yeah, let’s get married.”

He pulled back so he could look her properly in the eyes and she didn’t think she had _ever_ seen him as happy as he looked in that moment. “Really?” he asked.

She nodded, smiling brightly with him. 

“ _Yes!_ ” he shouted, lifting her up and spinning her around. She shrieked and laughed and held on to him as he did so, lost in one of the most joyous moments of her life. He set her back down and pulled her roughly to him, their bodies flush with one another as he captured her lips with his, kissing her passionately. 

When they finally parted, he was still smiling, and she knew she was too, unable to contain her pure unadulterated bliss. He held up the box still in his hand and quirked an eyebrow at her, a silent question. 

“Well, that ring isn’t going to put itself on my finger,” she teased, which only made him laugh louder. They probably looked silly, standing by a fence, in the front yard where anyone could happen upon them, but in that moment, she couldn’t care less. As far as she was concerned, they were the only two in the whole world.

He cracked open the box and she gasped again when she saw the ring inside. The ring she’d been admiring since she was a little girl. The ring that, last she saw, was on her _mother’s_ finger. Her eyes snapped up to his. 

“Yeah, they gave it to me. I told you it wasn’t all that spontaneous.”

“I can’t believe - they really - you _are_ sure, right?”

“I’ve never been more sure of anything.”

She shook her head in disbelief. Suddenly, every doubt she ever had about him or them or getting married vanished in a cloud of smoke. And only one thought remained. She wanted all of it, and _now_.

He put the ring on her finger and smiled back at her. “We might have to have it sized, it’s a little big.”

She nodded. “I don’t want to wait.”

“Okay,” he shrugged, chuckling a little. “We can go to the jeweler this afternoon and - ”

She shook her head again and interrupted him. “No, I mean _I don’t want to wait_ . Not until next week, not next year, not five years, not twenty. _Now_ . Tomorrow. I believe that _was_ one of the options, right?” she asked with mirth.

It took him a minute to register what it was that she was telling him. “Are you serious?”

“Oh yeah.”

He glanced at her, and back at the house where Madi lay sleeping. It was so much change for such a little girl, but this was _good_. And Clarke knew Madi loved Bellamy too, that she’d be thrilled to spend every day with him. Or Clarke never would’ve said yes. And Clarke knew that Madi would love to be a part of a wedding. 

“Let’s do it,” he agreed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm DYING to hear what you all thought of Bellamy's proposal! And the RING that Jake and Abby gave him (like how I snuck in a missing scene? lol)! Hope you all liked it!
> 
> And I finally got a brother/sister convo in there - I love the Blake siblings!
> 
> AND last but not least, I got to use the title and some of the lyrics from the song that I drew inspiration from for this fic - Nobody But You by Blake Shelton/Gwen Stefani, which was very exciting. If I remember correctly, I was able to sneak the title in a little earlier in the fic, but this usage is where my heart was.
> 
> Anyway, you all have a fabulous week and I'll see you next time for our Bellarke wedding!  
> If you'll notice, I had to extend this story by an extra chapter because the wedding ended up taking up WAY more than I anticipated originally lol.
> 
> Come hang out with me on [tumblr](https://dayo488.tumblr.com/) if you'd like and check out the moodboard I made for this fic! ❤


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew! Sorry for the unexpected break, you guys! I don't know what I was thinking when I wrote this chapter originally, but it needed a TON of editing and rearranging and even rewriting in spots. Plus it's almost 9k words, so it just took WAY longer than I anticipated. 
> 
> Anywho, it's here! And I don't expect the next update to be much past next Saturday (the 20th). Thanks for hanging in there and riding along this journey with me!
> 
> Without further ado... the wedding! And the wedding night... 😉
> 
> ❤

“I still can’t believe you two took this long to actually get together and now it’s just... full steam ahead,” Raven said exasperatedly. Bellamy knew her well enough to know she was using her sarcasm to avoid appearing too excited, but the smile on her face was a dead giveaway. “Typical,” she added, rolling her eyes. “No peeking, Blake! I swear,” she ordered, wagging her finger at him and winking as she headed back over to the trees to join Clarke, Madi, Octavia, Harper, and Emori who were just beyond where he could see. 

He turned back to his family in front of him. Bellamy was grateful the weather had decided to hold out and they’d had no sign of the rainfall that had appeared the last time they were here in this field. There had been some debate between him and Clarke, whether to come here or not for the wedding. It was his special place and when he’d suggested it as a possible location, Clarke had been concerned that he was giving something up by everyone getting to visit a place he had previously only kept to himself. 

But he assured her that he wasn’t giving  _ anything _ up - and he was gaining everything. And after she’d sufficiently laughed at him for being so cheesy, she kissed him soundly and told him that it was perfect. 

His mother was going to try to get someone to cover her at the diner to make it, but she hadn’t shown yet, so at this point he wasn’t counting on her being there. His mother loved him, but he knew that she had responsibilities and couldn't just drop everything. Clarke’s parents weren’t going to be able to make it either. Whatever fancy A.I. Jake was working on was a non-negotiable and Eligius wasn’t letting him take the time off, especially since they were planning on being in town for the trial later on in the week. And Abby had back to back emergency surgeries as well. Clarke promised them that they could throw a big fancy reception with all the bells and whistles once it was all over. And Harper had volunteered to video-tape the whole thing so they or his mom wouldn’t have to miss it completely.

“She’s not wrong, you know,” Murphy’s snarky voice said from next to him, drawing him out of his reverie and back to the moment at hand. “I mean, way to throw something else up on those plates you’re spinning.”   


Bellamy only shrugged. “Well, what can I say? When you know, you know.”

Murphy shook his head and laughed, shoving at Bellamy a bit. “Yeah, I suppose I don’t have much room to talk,” he told Bellamy, glancing into the forest towards his wife. His eyebrows knitted together in that way they did when Murphy was trying to be serious about something. “Speaking of - ” he started, but was cut off by Jasper, Monty, and Miller making their way over to them from where they’d parked their cars. 

“Did we miss it? Please tell me we didn’t miss it!” Jasper asked anxiously. 

“Jas, you’re the one doing the music. We  _ can’t _ start without you,” Bellamy told him. 

Jasper smacked himself in the forehead. “Right. That would make sense,” he said, pulling his pack off his back to get set up. He pulled out a small speaker and started to work getting it to pair with his phone. “Though, this is simple enough, anyone could do it, really.”

“We  _ still _ wouldn't have started without you anyway,” he promised, and he saw Jasper blush a little with the compliment. 

“So how about it, Blake?” Murphy asked as Miller stepped in front of Bellamy to adjust his tie for him. “Any last minute jitters?”

Bellamy glanced around Miller to give him a long look, his lips slowly twitching up in an earnest smile. “Not a chance,” he told his oldest friend. “I’m marrying the woman I’m in love with today. There’s nothing to have jitters about.”

Murphy smiled genuinely and clapped his hand on Bellamy’s back. “Well alright then.”

“I just got off Facetime with Harper,” Monty smiled. “She was running around, making a fuss, as usual, putting the finishing touches on everyone. But from what I could see with her waving the phone around every which way, they all look lovely. Especially that little girl,” he added with a soft smile.

Bellamy’s heart beat a little faster. They were his family - ceremony, legal, or not, but there was something special about knowing it would be  _ official _ official after today. Unbreakable,  _ til death do us part _ . He’d always told himself that he wasn’t getting married until he knew with absolute  _ certainty _ that it would work. And while sure, no one really knows exactly if it would, he did. In this particular case, he knew that Clarke and Madi would always be his family and that he’d always want them to be. 

Getting to help raise Madi was something that filled Bellamy with so much joy. She was this little spitfire, a strong and sweet little lady and it was going to be such a privilege to get to watch her grow. And while he knew Madi loved him too, it had still meant the world hearing that she was happy that he and Clarke were going to get married, that he’d be in her life forever.

After Clarke had said yes yesterday afternoon, the two of them had gone to the living room, where they sat talking about how in the world they were going to make a wedding happen so quickly. Madi had come darting downstairs after she woke from her nap, squishing herself between the two of them, and laid her head down on Clarke’s arm. Bellamy leaned over and gave the little girl a kiss to her messy hair.

*

_ “How’d you sleep?” he asked softly.  _

_ Madi shrugged. “Good. I hate naps.” _

_ Bellamy chuckled. “I promise, you’ll like them when you’re older.” _

_ Madi sighed and shook her head stubbornly, her chocolate brown hair falling in her eyes. “No, I won’t.” _

_ Clarke rolled her eyes over at Bellamy at Madi’s reluctance to give in. She reached her hand up to brush the hair out of Madi’s face and Bellamy saw the exact moment the little girl caught sight of Clarke’s ring. Bellamy’s stomach twisted, both at the anxiety over what Madi would say about them getting married and moving in together and the guilt over not having asked her first.  _

_ He had considered asking Madi about it yesterday morning, before Clarke woke up, but after the way things had gone the first time he proposed, he didn’t want to get Madi’s hopes up or confuse her if Clarke had stuck with her original decline. Bellamy and Clarke exchanged an anticipatory look, waiting to see what Madi would say.  _

_ Madi lifted her head up and pulling Clarke’s hand back to her, asked, “What’s this?” _

_ Clarke smiled. “It’s a ring, sweetie. Bellamy just gave it to me.” _

_ Madi nodded. “It’s so pretty. I want one!” _

_ Bellamy took a deep breath and took over. “Well, this is a very special ring. Do you remember when Auntie Clarke talked to you about your mom and dad being married?” Madi nodded. “Well, I love Clarke, very much,” he told her, sneaking a grinning glance up at his fiancé. “So I asked your aunt if she’d like to marry me,” he finished. “The two of you would come live at my house,” he added, since marriage wouldn’t really be something the little girl would truly understand. She’d be more apt to get what it would mean for her specifically.  _

_ Madi sat up and Clarke reached over and around her to place her hand around Bellamy’s neck, her fingers caressing slightly the hair at the nape of his neck.  _

_ Madi’s eyes went wide and she shifted her gaze around from him to the ring, to Clarke’s face, and then back to him. “Married?” she asked, and Bellamy hoped it was a happy sort of shock.  _

_ He looked the girl right in the eye. “What do you think, munchkin? Would it be okay if I joined your family - forever?” he asked.  _

_ Her face morphed from one of surprise into excitement as she nodded up and down and threw herself onto his lap. Clarke sighed happily next to them as he wrapped his arms around the little girl. Madi buried herself in his neck and squeezed him as tight as her little arms allowed.  _

_ “We already family,” she whispered, making him squeeze her that much tighter, a tear slipping out and down his cheek. _

_ “That’s right, sweet girl,” Clarke piped in, her voice full of emotion. “And we always will be,” she said more determinedly.  _

*

After they’d gotten Madi’s blessing, they’d finally told her - in the simplest terms possible - what was happening with Glass’s parents, and while she was still very confused, they assured her that her place was with them and they’d do everything in their power to make sure it stayed that way. He could tell Madi was scared, and her little fists squeezed her blankie tightly. Bellamy hated that she was having to go through this, but hopefully she was little enough that years from now, it would all just be a distant memory. 

As if his thoughts of her were a compelling force, the little girl came running out of the trees, turning all heads in her direction. She wore a beautiful little dress, probably more elaborate than even Clarke’s would be, swirls of pink and purple and ribbons and lace fluttering in the wind as she flew across the field towards them. Her wavy brown hair had a crown of flowers sitting on top of her head and Bellamy figured it had to be pinned on to keep it from falling off.

“Madi!” he heard O call, his sister stepping out from where the women were.

He chuckled and knelt to catch her. She flung herself in Bellamy’s arms and he straightened the both of them up. “Are you supposed to be over here?” he grinned at her.

Madi giggled and put a little hand to her mouth. “No. But they said they ready and I told them I’d come tell you. Oh Bellamy, Clarke is  _ so _ pretty!”

He bopped her on the nose. “I bet she is. And she’s not the only one, look at you!”

Madi giggled again and demanded to be put down. Once he had she spread her arms wide and twirled around and around, her dress splaying wide. Bellamy laughed and clapped at her display, the way she smiled and danced without a care in the world. She stumbled slightly, dizzy from all the spinning, but Murphy was quicker than he was, and caught her before she could hit the ground. 

His friend hoisted the girl up in his arms. “Okay, silly girl. Why don’t you wait here with me while the world stops whirling around, hmm?”

Madi bopped him on the nose. “Why you have two of these?” she asked.

They all laughed softly at Madi’s disjointed vision. Murphy bopped her back. “Sorry to disappoint, but I only have one nose. Yeah, you’ll stay with me a second.”

Miller leaned in. “Maybe she was confused because your nose is so  _ big _ , it’s  _ like _ you have two of them.”

“Shut up Miller,” Murphy sneered, shifting Madi to one arm so he could use his other to shove at Miller. 

Madi giggled. “You not supposed to say that, Uncle Murphy.”

All the mocking from Murphy’s expression faded and his head whipped around to her at the word  _ uncle _ . Then his eyes found Bellamy’s and he nodded to his friend. It was a conversation they’d had with the girl that very morning. She’d asked why the wedding was going to be so small instead of big and elaborate like in her movies and Bellamy and Clarke had told her it was because all they needed was their family, and that was these people. 

Then Madi had asked if they were family like Clarke was to her mommy and daddy, and Clarke had nodded. So it wasn’t a surprise that Madi had associated Murphy as  _ uncle _ . But apparently it came as a surprise to him, a  _ good _ surprise if the look on his face and the moisture in his eyes was any indication. Bellamy could count on one hand the number of times he’d seen Murphy cry.

He looked over to Octavia, who was standing in an all-too-familiar stance, hands on her hips and her head flung back in exasperation. He waved her off and she threw a wave back.

Monty spoke up. “Harper just texted, the girls are ready.”

Madi sighed heavily. “That’s what I saaaaaaid,” she commented dramatically.

“Got it!” Jasper exclaimed, having finished setting up his speaker a few feet away. He hit a button on his phone and the music began. 

Raven, Harper, Octavia, Emori - and to his surprise, his mother - emerged from the trees. They all took places on either his side or where Clarke would stand, except for his mom, who stopped directly in front of him. O gave him a knowing smile over her shoulder and he nodded back to her. 

“You made it,” he said quietly.

Aurora smiled at him and touched a light hand to his cheek. “Of course I did. You’re getting married. I am so proud of you and the man that you’ve become, if I haven’t said it enough. I’m so happy for you two,” she told him softly. Then she glanced over at Madi and chuckled a little. “ - excuse me, you  _ three _ .”

“Thanks, Mom,” he replied, and nodded as she stepped aside. Bellamy’s gaze slowly shifted over to the trees, his heart hammering away as the reality of what was happening started sinking in even deeper. It was as if the entire world had melted away as his eyes fixed at the spot where the woman he was in love with would emerge in mere moments.

He could hardly believe this was actually happening, and as Clarke finally appeared, her hair catching the sunlight and her smile lighting up the entire field, it was like every flower stood a little taller, stretching up to reach the brilliance, drawn to her like a moth to a flame. She was beautiful, except beautiful would never be an accurate enough word. 

And she was his.

***

Clarke had been overjoyed - if a little nervous - when Aurora showed up. After giving O a hug, she wrapped Clarke into her arms as well, welcoming her and Madi to the family. Clarke knew the Blakes upbringing had been anything but easy and it was a testament to how strong they were that they were able to heal and find a way to move past it. However, it also made Clarke miss her own mother a little. She’d gotten to talk to them a little bit earlier, which had helped, but part of her wondered briefly if her and Bellamy should’ve waited a little while longer, so they could be here too. 

But Clarke didn’t want to wait. She wanted  _ this _ , with every fiber of her being. And as much as she loved her friends and family, the only one (actually, two) that she really needed was Bellamy and Madi. They were her world, and excitement was not a strong enough word for what coursed through her veins. 

Before stepping out to the clearing, she could see through the trees Bellamy surrounded by most of the people that they’d welcomed into their lives, who had readily taken Clarke and Madi in as if they’d known them forever. Loved them, helped them, treated them like family. So while she only needed Bellamy and Madi, she was grateful that they were able to be there. 

Octavia stood next to Bellamy, beaming proudly at her brother, as if she didn’t want to miss a beat. Who would’ve thought that her best friend from college, who she hadn’t spoken to in years, would end up being her sister? 

Lincoln had volunteered - neigh,  _ insisted _ \- on taking the pictures for the wedding. And sure enough, Clarke could see him a little ways away, discreet enough to not be intrusive but close so that he’d capture as much as possible. He really did seem like a great man, and Clarke was glad he’d come back to the States with O.

And then finally, as she started walking, her eyes locked with Bellamy, who was the picture of handsome, beautiful in a way that reminded her of Greek gods, of people so powerful and full of life that it couldn’t help but spill out to those around him. He was the center of gravity, drawing them all in, especially her. Her feet moved her body closer, though she couldn’t feel them actually taking steps. 

The whole world had stopped, and all she could see and breathe was him. 

His hand reached for hers, and she was grateful to have him to anchor herself to. The only flowers were the ones swaying in the breeze around them, so her hands were empty until he encased them in his, the warmth radiating out and flowing through her. 

“Hey,” he greeted with a cheeky grin.

His voice calmed any nerves still inside, and all that was left was a sense of pure joy - excitement so great that she wondered if it were possible to literally burst with it. 

“Fancy meeting you here,” she teased, her voice a little shaky and she squeezed his hand a little. His grin grew wider and he shrugged a shoulder.

“Yeah, well, I had nothing else to do today so - ”

“Oh my goodness, let’s do this!” Madi interjected, drawing their eyes away from each other and over to Murphy, who was currently holding Madi. 

“Yeah, I couldn’t agree more. You two done flirting for now?” Raven asked, stepping closer and situating herself at the front of the group to guide them through the ceremony. “Because it has been a  _ crazy  _ few days and I’d like to get back to Murph’s for some pizza at some point.”   


“Pizza!” Madi shouted.

Murphy shrugged. “What can I say? My pizza is way better than getting married.”

“Hey!” Emori exclaimed, and they all burst out in laughter. 

“Except our wedding, obviously,” he winked at his wife. 

“Okay, okay, in the words of our favorite little girl - let’s do this!” Raven grinned. “So you know why we’re all here today. These two finally got their heads out of their - ” she began, but the rest of what she said started blurring together as Clarke’s blood pounded in her ears. 

This was really happening, she was really getting married.

Holy shit.

They’d opted to keep their vows simple and short, but when it came time for her to go first, she still wasn’t sure what she was going to say. Every time she’d try to put pen to paper over the last day, she’d ended up drawing something to calm all her overthinking instead and never ended up writing actual  _ words _ . She had that weird penchant for rambling at all the wrong times, but this was  _ Bellamy _ . And she knew that no matter what she said, it’d be right. Because  _ they _ were right. So she just started.

“When we came to Arkadia, Madi and I, we were looking for a fresh start, somewhere new where Madi could grow up and settle in. We knew Raven, but that was it. And that was going to be enough. Or, I thought it was,” she paused, and took a deep breath before continuing. His bright smile encouraged her on and while she hadn’t planned what to say, it started flowing out of her like the words had been waiting to come out all along. “But - there was a piece missing. Maybe that was why I chose Arkadia. Why out of the blue, after all this time, I called up O and decided on the insane trip of moving across the country to a place I’d never been before. Because, I was coming home. But I learned that home isn't a place, it’s a feeling. It’s  _ you _ ,” she told him, and she felt him inhale sharply as he squeezed her hands. “You are my home, my heart, my family. Always. Together.”

“Together,” he echoed quietly, his smile now smaller, but somehow more intense, his eyes focused completely on her. And while before there had been giggling and shifting around from their onlookers, now it was silent as they let the bubble they were in be just the two of them. 

“Okay, your turn,” she finished, clearing her throat and breathing out slowly. 

Bellamy squeezed her hands again, either to keep her steady or to steel himself, Clarke wasn’t sure, but either way, they drew strength from each other and she found that incredibly beautiful.

“For the record, you’re my home too,” he started, smiling crookedly. “I thought I was home, thought I was happy, and I was, but it was like you flew into my life and upended  _ everything _ I thought I knew. And it was like I was sleeping before, dreaming good dreams, happy dreams, but it was nothing compared to the way I felt when I finally woke up. When  _ you _ woke me up. I was sleeping, and you breathed life into me and I had never felt so alive or loved so deeply. And somehow you loved me back and now we get to grow old together. We get to raise that beautiful little girl together. And there is nothing in this world or the next that I want more than that. To build and grow and  _ live _ together as a family.”

“Together,” she repeated, breathing out a chuckle. Somehow, that simple word encompassed all the rest. Before she thought about what she was doing, she leaned up on her toes to kiss him, but was stopped just as her lips brushed his.

“Hey, not yet!” O whined, and everyone around them came fading back into their world. 

“Come on, you know how this goes, you guys!” Harper sighed.

“Geez you take forever to get together and  _ now _ you barrel ahead full force?” Miller laughed. 

“Gross!” Madi pouted. They’d found over the past couple of weeks that they’d been together that Madi either thought kissing was sweet and silly, or gross and yucky, her opinion of it changing every other day like a true toddler.

“Yeah, I gotta say, I’m with this little one,” Murphy chuckled, giving the little girl a fist bump.

“Okay, okay. I think we all know what comes next,” Raven presided, to the slight whooping of Jasper and Miller, which were cut off with a look from Octavia. “ _ Anyway _ , by the power vested in me...” 

Clarke saw Emori lean over to Murphy behind Bellamy. “How long do you think she’s been waiting to say that?”   


“The power thing? All her life,” Murphy snarked back.

Raven glared at the two of them before finishing, eliciting giggles from all of them. This ceremony was messy and unorganized and absolutely perfect. “... I now pronounce you, husband and wife.” She paused, giving both Bellamy and Clarke a mischievous grin as she drew the next part out. “You… may….”

“Raven!” the entire group seemed to say at once. 

Raven held her hands up in surrender. “Fine, fine… kiss the bride. There you go. Have at it.”   


Madi gasped a little and hid her face in Murphy’s neck as Bellamy wrapped an arm around Clarke’s waist. Clarke’s eyes locked on Bellamy’s, barely registering the bliss they held before he was kissing her, passionately and sweetly, holding her tight and dipping her backwards so steeply that if he didn’t have a firm hold on her, she might have actually fallen. 

But he held her as usual, his strength never ceasing to amaze her. Her hand came up to his cheek as she kissed him back with equal fervor. All too soon they parted, their foreheads resting against the other as they straightened back up. But his hold on her never lessened. 

“I love you,” he told her simply, as if it were somehow both the first time and like he’d said it a hundred million times before.

“I love you too,” she whispered back. 

The hooting and hollering all around them suddenly came flying to her ears and she wondered if they’d been doing that the whole time or if she had blocked it out in favor of being completely immersed in kissing her husband. 

_ Her husband _ . 

“Pick me up!” she heard Madi demand and she and Bellamy laughed, tearing their foreheads apart and turning towards the little one. Bellamy reached for her and Madi went readily, transferring seamlessly from Murphy’s arms to his. 

“So what’d ya think, munchkin?” he asked, tickling Madi’s stomach. Clarke was starting to get pulled into a hug from Octavia, but her eyes stayed glued to the two of them. 

Madi pretended to think deeply, tapping her finger on her chin lightly. “I think… that I very happy.”

She saw Bellamy swallow heavily. “Me too, sweet girl.” He set her down so she could dance around the field while they let themselves be hugged and congratulated by their friends.

“Alright everyone, we’ll see you back at our place. Don’t take too long, the pizza is going to get cold!” Murphy ordered, slinging an arm around Emori’s shoulders and smacking a loud kiss to the side of his wife’s head.

It seemed obvious, to have their reception at Murphy and Emori’s restaurant/bar. They’d offered, and even though it was Sunday, they’d planned on take-out orders only that day anyway so they could both spend the day helping Bellamy and Clarke get their wedding underway. Clarke was so grateful that they’d so enthusiastically wanted to be a part of the day. 

All of them had. Clarke and Bellamy had split up the phone list yesterday afternoon and soon enough everyone had gathered in the living room at Bellamy’s where Madi had spilled the beans quickly. They’d all been elated and kicked planning into high gear and Clarke had been shocked - though in retrospect, she probably shouldn’t have been - that they all dropped everything to be a part of the wedding. 

The group all trickled out after Murphy and Emori until it was just the three of them left in the field. Aurora had promised to meet them at the reception, though she wouldn’t be able to stay long. 

“What’re we  _ doing _ ?” Madi said dramatically. “I’m hungry!”

Clarke chuckled. “We’ll get going in a second, but Bellamy and I wanted to talk with you first. Just the three of us.”

Madi cocked her head, a little confused. This had been Bellamy’s idea - which made Clarke fall that much more in love with him - so she let him take the lead. 

He crouched down to Madi’s level, still hanging on to one of Clarke’s hands. “A few minutes ago, I made Clarke some pretty important promises. That I would spend my life loving her and standing with her through everything,” he started and Clarke squeezed his hand. “I want to make you a few promises too, is that okay?”

Clarke crouched down with them. “Me too, baby girl.”

“Promise what?” she asked.

“Well, when I promised Clarke to spend my life with her, that included you too,” Bellamy told her. “I know I’m not your dad, but I want you to know that I love you  _ so _ much and that I am and always will be here for you. That we’re a family now and forever. And I promise that you can count on me and trust me.”

Clarke nodded at her, brushing the little girl’s hair back like she always did. “Same here, baby. You already know I love you more than all the planets and stars combined, and I promise that will never change. That just because it isn’t just the two of us anymore, that you’re not any less important or special to me. Does that make sense?”

Madi nodded. “So, do I still call you Bellamy?” she asked him. 

“Yep. Whatever you want,” he replied.

“Do you remember the conversation we had about calling me Mom?” Clarke asked and Madi nodded. “Well, you call us whatever your heart says to. Bellamy, Uncle Bellamy, Dad. It doesn’t matter. Because we’re family no matter what.”

Madi nodded and grinned wide. “I’m glad we’re family,” she said, wrapping her arms around Clarke’s neck. Clarke glanced at Bellamy, whose eyes were moist and she could see him trying to hold back emotion. He nodded once, smiling back at her, and Clarke felt so at peace. It was a feeling that she remembered having when they were in New York at her parents’ house, when he’d wrapped his arms around both of them and Clarke had felt so safe and relieved and loved. 

“Can we go get pizza  _ now _ , Uncle Murphy said it gonna get cold!”

Clarke and Bellamy both laughed, straightening up and each taking one of Madi’s hands. “Lead the way Mads!” Bellamy prompted and the three of them headed off. 

\-----------------------------

“I’m just  _ saying _ , would it really be  _ that _ bad of an idea?” Harper was saying when Clarke walked up to the group. They’d gotten to the reception about 30 minutes ago and after Bellamy spun her around a few times to the music Jasper already had blaring by the time they’d gotten there, they’d parted and Bellamy went to get drinks while Clarke joined their friends.

“To add  _ another _ horse? Babe, I don’t know…” Monty replied slowly. 

“Well, with O back now, she’s probably going to want Orion back. And you got a new pig like 6 months ago,” she pointed out, crossing her arms.

“Is O even planning on taking Orion back right away?” Clarke asked. “I mean, she just started looking for an apartment or house to rent. Which isn’t exactly conducive to a horse,” she pointed out with a laugh. 

Bellamy came up to her side, handing her a glass and taking a sip from the bottle in his other hand. A quick glance around showed Madi sitting on the bar sipping on the Shirley Temple Emori had ready and waiting when they’d shown up. She was giggling at something O and Emori were talking about, swinging her little legs all around.

Bellamy placed his hand on her back, tugging Clarke ever closer and while her dress wasn’t made of too thin of fabric, she hadn’t realized how chilly she’d gotten until the warmth of his body rolled through her. 

“They fighting about animals again?” he asked quietly, dipping down to kiss her jaw which sent goosebumps running up her spine and a coiling warmth pooling low in her stomach. 

Yeah, that kind of warmth was also working its way through her body too.

She nodded. “My money’s on Harper winning out. They’ll have a new horse by the end of the month.”

Bellamy chuckled. “No bet. Harper is totally winning this one.”

“I’ll take that bet. I have faith that Monty can hold out,” Raven smirked, coming to stand on Clarke’s other side. 

Monty’s expression turned to that of exasperation. “Save your money, Rae. You try saying no to that face!” he insisted, gesturing to his wife, who took a small bow. 

They chuckled again. Bellamy opened his mouth to say something, but the clinking of a glass over by the bar drew all their attention. Jasper turned the music down and walked towards Murphy, who was now sitting on top of the bar next to Madi. 

“Listen up all you delinquents.”

“Speak for yourselves! I am nothing if not a law-abiding citizen!” Miller dismissed humorously. Murphy threw a look over to him. 

“Ha, yeah, maybe now,  _ officer _ ,” Murphy smirked. “But don’t forget, we all knew you  _ before _ you became a cop, buddy. You belong to this group of delinquents just as much as any of us,” Murphy refuted.

“I’ll drink to that!” Jasper laughed, raising his glass and causing everyone to laugh along with him. Clarke hadn’t spent as much time with Jasper as some of the others, but she knew what a kind heart he had, and an ability to always make those around him smile. And this time was no exception. 

“Stop, no! Not yet, for pete’s sake,” Murphy scoffed impatiently. Once everyone had stopped their chucking and focused back on him, he continued. “That’s better, thank you. Okay, now. I’m not one for sappy sh -  _ stuff _ , but I did want to bring up the fact that I  _ told _ Bellamy from day one that he was screwed,” he teased, giving Bellamy a pointed look. Clarke glanced up at Bellamy just in time to see him roll his eyes in response. “There are very people in this world who find the one they’re  _ truly _ meant to be with. The one that completes them. Love comes and goes, we see that all the time. But if I had put money on whether you two had what it takes to last forever - well, I’d go all in. And you all know I don’t bet unless I know I’ll win,” he said seriously, clearing his throat and looking down a little. Clarke could see him blushing some - speeches weren’t his thing, which made what he was saying all the more special to her. 

“Thanks, Murph,” Bellamy spoke up.

Murphy nodded and raised his glass. “So let’s raise a glass for a toast to the one who was right all along - me!” he said before chuckling and rolling his eyes. “And you know, the new married couple, them too,” he snarked.

They all raised their glasses, clinking and laughing with those next to them. Clarke caught a curious expression on Raven’s face as she stared intently towards the bar and asked her about it. 

“I just... hey ‘Mori!” she called and Emori turned from where she’d been talking to Miller, and threw up her head in question. “What’re you drinking?” Raven inquired.

Clarke’s head turned towards their friend, who Clarke now noticed was drinking something that looked a lot like Madi’s. 

And sure enough, it was confirmed as Madi giggled and answered for Emori. “She has a drink like me!” 

Raven’s eyes narrowed. “Really?” she asked, a Cheshire cat-like grin spreading over her lips. “Since when do you drink Shirley Temples?”

Murphy’s face went red and Emori’s eyes darted between his and Raven’s faces. “I drink them all the time,” she insisted, but even Clarke could tell that she was hiding something. 

“No you don’t, especially not for toasts,” Raven refuted.

“Well, Madi asked if I would join her,” she tried again. 

“No I didn’t!” Madi interjected. “Not nice to lie, Aunt ‘Mori.”   


Emori took a deep breath. “Well, I just thought - ” she started, but Murphy cut her off.

“Come on, Reyes,  _ how _ did you possibly notice that?” he asked in disbelief.

“You should know more than most, Murph. I don’t miss anything,” Raven grinned. 

Murphy sighed heavily and threw up a hand. “Well, might as well tell them. Geez, no one can just keep something to themselves around here, can they?” he mumbled.

Harper laughed. “Well, that’s what families do. Butt themselves right on in.”

Emori smiled at her husband and Clarke  _ finally _ caught on half a second later. She glanced up at Bellamy, who seemed to have the same dumbfounded expression that she was sure she was wearing too. Her hand flew to his arm, squeezing.

“I’m pregnant,” Emori told them simply and the entire room  _ erupted _ in chaos and choruses of congratulations and hugs and high fives and laughter. Murphy was as red as a tomato, probably because she knew what a big deal this was for him. She saw Bellamy whisper something as he hugged his friend and Murphy nodded rapidly. 

Yeah, family was more than just blood. 

“What, what’s happening?!” Madi shouted and Clarke walked over to where she sat on the bar top. “I don’t know what that word is!”

Clarke chuckled. This would be the first pregnancy and baby that Madi would be around. “Murphy and Emori are having a  _ baby _ ,” Clarke explained. The little girl’s eyes went wide.

“ _ Wow _ ,” she exclaimed wondrously. “I going to teach her everything,” the little girl declared proudly. 

Murphy looked down from his place next to her and knocked his shoulder against hers, narrowing his eyes. “Who says it’s going to be a girl?” he asked.

“Duh, Uncle Murphy,  _ I  _ do,” she told him firmly.

“I guess we’ll see, huh kid?” he laughed and Clarke’s heart warmed with the excitement in his tone.

“I guess  _ you’ll _ see,” Madi countered, and everyone laughed. 

“Well-played, kiddo. You ready to head out? It’s getting late,” Raven asked the little girl. 

“I not tired though,” Madi pouted.

“Yes, but  _ maybe _ Aunt Raven and Auntie O stored up some extra special treats for our extra special sleepover tonight back at my place. What do you think?”

Madi kicked her legs, squirming for Clarke to help her down. “I gotta go! I gotta get the treats!” she exclaimed. “Come  _ on, _ Aunt Raven, Auntie O!!” she practically whined, pulling on Raven’s hand. 

Clarke and Bellamy weren’t going to be able to get any sort of honeymoon anytime soon, which was fine by them, the timing wasn’t exactly great for a vacation. But Raven had suggested she at least watch Madi for the night, so they could at least have the night to themselves before having to head back to the school the next day. Then Octavia had piped in and asked if she could join too, so it could be a special sleepover just the three girls. And Clarke offered her house to Lincoln (and after tonight, Octavia) until they finished moving out and returned the keys to Diana. She was nervous Madi wouldn’t want to be away from Clarke, and she definitely wasn’t going to push the girl into it anyway, but to her surprise Madi hadn’t batted an eye and in fact, insisted on helping Clarke pack her bag.

“Hey, what about us?” Clarke asked as Madi continued to try to drag Raven out of the bar.

“Oh, right, duh,” Madi giggled and ran back to Clarke and Bellamy. “Bye, Bellamy! Bye Mom!” she said, hugging them both tight. Clarke froze and could feel Bellamy tense up next to her. Clarke swallowed heavily and scooped up the girl, searching her face to make sure she wasn’t about to break down again. Madi smiled. “I ok. I call you what’s in my heart, right?” she asked, patting her chest with her little hand.

“That’s right, sweetie. Whatever you want,” Clarke choked out, leaning in to wiggle her nose against Madi’s. There were so many conflicting emotions flowing through her right now, but the one that surpassed all the others was definitely bliss. 

Bellamy wrapped his arms around the both of them and held tight, kissing both girls on top of their heads.

This day was definitely going to go down as the best day of her life. 

***

They walked in Bellamy’s empty, dark house, setting their stuff unceremoniously down on the kitchen table. He leaned back against the wall, watching as his wife -  _ his wife! _ \- stepped further into the house, her back still to him. Her hair had grown out some since they’d met, her blonde curls now about halfway down her back. Her dress was simple - it cut down in a V in the front and in the back, and lace covered the delicate fabric from the waist down. He ran his eyes over the pale skin that was uncovered, smooth and soft and every part of him ached to kiss every part of her. 

He knew they should both be exhausted from the long week and the even longer weekend, but adrenaline pumped furiously through his veins and he didn’t feel tired in the slightest.

She turned slowly to face him, her bottom lip caught in between her teeth. 

“Like something you see?” she asked, clearly having noticed the way he was watching her, though he wasn’t exactly trying to hide.

He pushed off the wall and walked over to her, placing his hands on her arms, running his fingers up and down her skin lightly, eliciting goosebumps to spring up. “That’s one way to describe it. If I haven’t told you, you look beautiful,” he said, leaning down to kiss her cheek. 

Her teeth released her lip and her head leaned into his kiss. She made a low humming noise. “You have told me, actually. A few times. But you know, always nice to hear.”

He chuckled softly. “Well, then let me reiterate. You look stunning,” he told her, dipping to kiss the hollow behind her ear. “Radiant,”  _ kiss to her jaw _ . “Captivating,”  _ kiss to her neck _ . 

Clarke made the humming noise again, which he was slowly losing his mind over, and whispered to him, her voice struggling to maintain it’s composure. At least he wasn’t the only one losing his mind. “‘Captivating,’ hmm?”

He straightened up and put his hands on either side of her neck, his thumbs running delicately over her cheeks, his other fingers woven through her hair. “Oh yes,” he smiled cheekily. “I’m having a hell of a time thinking of  _ anything _ other than you right now. Completely captivated.”

“Well that makes two of us, then,” she stuttered, her cheeks flushing pink and her eyes growing darker. A familiar pull that seemed to tug at him whenever he kissed her made its presence known, but instead of restraining himself like he usually did, this time, he knew he’d actually be able to do something about it.

Still, drawing it out a little didn’t sound awful. After all, they had all night.

He leaned down and kissed her sweetly on the lips, and she responded instantly, tilting her head to deepen the kiss, her arms wrapping tightly around his back. After a few lazy minutes spent kissing her, she tilted her head back to look at him, her eyelids blinking slowly as they opened.

“Go put the food away that Murphy sent home with us,” she whispered. “I’ll meet you upstairs,” she added, her eyes mischievous and inviting, and Bellamy was tempted to abandon the food altogether so he wouldn’t have to stop touching her. 

She reached up to give him one more slow kiss, alluring and magnetic and his lips couldn’t help but chase after hers as they parted. Clarke smiled, obviously aware of what she was doing to him, and took a step back, turning from him again, and taking the first step before turning her head over her shoulder. 

“Don’t take too long,” she teased and Bellamy swallowed heavily. 

“Yeah,” he croaked out, huffing out a long breath and reaching up to run his fingers through his hair. She chuckled a little and continued up the stairs. “Food,” he reminded himself once he was alone. “Right.” 

Climbing the stairs a minute later, he approached his room, where he assumed Clarke was. His body felt alive with anticipation, his heart hammering away in his chest, his skin flushed and warm, knowing that Clarke was on the other side of that door. Clarke Griffin, who had just promised to spend the rest of her life with him. It suddenly felt like too much and not enough all at the same time. 

The room was empty save for her flats, discarded haphazardly by the dresser. He heard the sink running in his bathroom off to the right and just settled for milling awkwardly around his own bedroom while he waited. Bellamy kicked off his own shoes and threw the tie he’d been wearing on the dresser, and had just hung up his suit jacket and rolled up the sleeves on his dress shirt to his elbows when the door opened. 

His gaze shifted over to her, but his brain felt sluggish, having a hard time fully taking in the sight before him. He took his time raking his eyes over her, starting with her messy blonde waves, the small braids that had crowned her head earlier undone. Her makeup was softer, most of it wiped off, which was how he preferred her anyway. 

Then he stopped breathing completely when he saw that the only thing she was wearing was one of his t-shirts. Too big to fit her well, it dipped down past one of her shoulders and the bottom hem came down to just below her hips, her white panties just barely visible. Her bare legs were on full display, and his fingers twitched at the thought of running his hand up them.

_ All _ the way up. 

His plan of drawing the night out was quickly unraveling.

By the time his eyes made their way back up to her face, he’d become acutely aware that she’d been watching his reaction closely, waiting for him to make a move or say something. 

“And here I was - ” he started, smirking despite how shaky he knew his voice sounded. “ - hoping I’d get to take that dress off of you myself.”

Clarke let out a breathy laugh, shaky like his own, and stepped forward, her fingers playing with the hem of the shirt as she approached. She stopped just in front of him and reached one of her fingers out to run it down his bare forearm, which flexed involuntarily at the contact. Her hands made their way to his own and she intertwined their fingers, stretching up on her toes to give him a quick, but ardent kiss. 

“Disappointed?” she teased, her eyelashes fluttering seductively as she searched his eyes with her own as they parted. 

Taking their clasped hands, he surged forward, wrapping them around her back and pressing her closer and dipped down to capture her lips. She responded readily, untangling their hands to grab his head, holding him in place as she deepened the kiss, their mouths locked together fiercely. His own hands went easily to her waist, backing her up against the wall and releasing her mouth to kiss and nibble and lick his way down the column of her throat. 

“Bell,” she sighed, voice already a hoarse murmur.

His hand ran up the outside of her thigh as his mouth found the lob of her ear, tugging gently. “Tell me what you want,” he urged, and even in his addled state, he could hear how wrecked he already sounded. She sagged a little and his hold tightened to keep her steady. The hand that had crawled its way up her leg crept around to the backside of her thigh, until his fingers were playing teasingly with the hem of her panties, so close he could feel just how much she was already ready for this.

Clarke’s legs rubbed together at the feel of his contact and her eyes flew open and used her grip on his head to bring his gaze to her. She brought his forehead to hers, humming as they touched lightly, then like a bolt of lightning she pushed him back. 

Bellamy was confused for about half a second until he saw the smirk spreading over her lips, the want in the way she looked at him, the little nod she gave him as she pushed him back, her hand clenched in the opening of his dress shirt. The back of his knees hit the bed and he sat clumsily, his hands finding her waist and pulling her onto his lap. She looked down at him, playful and full of radiance and he froze for a moment - the feeling of her so close causing all his senses to fail due to the overload of bliss and desperation pulsing through his body. 

Because he was. Absolutely  _ desperate _ for her. 

When she had his shirt fully open, she leaned down to kiss the hollow of his ear, causing his eyes to roll back into his head. When feeling in his limbs came back, he gripped at her back, twisting them so he could lay her out under him. 

He ran a hand down her side quickly, this slow game they were playing almost too torturous. He hooked a finger in her underwear and pulled them down and off in one fluid movement. She giggled beneath him and one of her legs came up to hook around his back. He let his hand wander back up and watched her expression carefully, letting it guide his ministrations. Bellamy lurched forward to catch her gasp with his own mouth, his tongue sweeping in and tangling with hers. She kissed him back with equal fervor for only a few seconds, before she pulled away, her back rising off of the bed and hand fisting the comforter next to him. 

“That’s it - ” he encouraged, picking up his pace. 

“Oh g -  _ Bell _ \- I’m - uh - ” she stuttered, breathing out the words more than saying them as she tumbled over the edge. Her voice sounding completely wrecked shook his own hold on his body’s control, and he barely let her come down before he was pushing her shirt up over her head, her body now completely void of all clothing. 

Her eyelids fluttered open and she let out a little laugh at his earnestness, sliding her hands over his shoulders to push down his dress shirt

“Well, this is a little…” she began, clearing her throat. “... unfair.”

He smirked. “Yeah, well, I think - ” he said softly, dipping his head down to kiss her navel first, then her hip. He wanted to taste every inch of skin he could. “ - my view is much better,” he teased, glancing up at her flushed face.

Her eyes narrowed playfully. “There’s time for that later - ” she smiled, bringing his face back to hers, kissing him on the corners of his lips before kissing him in a way that caused his arms that were currently bracing him above her to wobble. “Pants,” she insisted, a teasing smile on her lips when he pulled back to look at her

He tried to think of something clever to say, but what little resolve and control remained was crumbling. So instead, he sat up on his knees and did as his wife requested. 

_ His wife _ . He was sure he would never tire of thinking of her as that. 

Bellamy imbued every ounce of his feelings for her into his movements when he dipped back down to her, his kisses, the caressing of her soft, flushed skin. He could feel the slight tremble of her limbs as she climbed higher and higher, wanting to bring her over the edge again before allowing himself to. It was a battle he was losing, the sensation of her almost too much to handle. He was barely able to hold out and it wasn’t even a full second after she fell apart that he crashed with her. The sheen of their foreheads mingled together as their faces remained inches apart and they came back down together, both trying to catch the breath that they’d stolen from each other. 

Eventually even his own weight became too much and he rolled over, bringing her with him and tucking her into his side. Her cheek fit perfectly just under his collarbone and he used his last burst of energy to lift his head to kiss her head. 

“You okay?” he asked after a minute, his fingers running lightly up and down her spine. 

She hummed. “Not exactly the sentiment I was thinking of,” she finally told him, an edge of sarcasm in her tone. 

He chuckled. “Wow, that bad, hmm?”

She slapped his chest lightly, laughing softly. “Stop it. That was... ” she trailed off, huffing as she left her opinion unfinished, but obvious.

“I love you, you know?” he told her, then laughed. “I can’t believe we actually got  _ married _ today, Clarke.”

“Regretting it already?” she smirked. 

He used his finger to tilt her head up to him. “Not a chance. You’re stuck with me forever now, Princess.”

“Forever, hmm?” she smiled, lighting up the dim room. She surged up to kiss him deeply, pulling back only centimeters to whisper, “I think I can handle that.” And his responding smile and any additional words he might have said were lost as Clarke rolled on top of him and their bodies took over once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact - I intended for the events after this to be part of this chapter because I didn't anticipate the wedding being longer than like 3k or 4k words... yeah that definitely went according to plan lol. Also, I wasn't originally going to include the flashback of Bellarke and Madi talking about the wedding, but I couldn't help myself!
> 
> Hope you enjoyed! Off to respond to your AMAZING comments on the last chap now - thank you from the bottom of my heart!
> 
> ❤


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all!
> 
> I can't believe we're so close to the end! I loved writing this chapter and I hope you enjoy it! I know it's a little long, but I hope you enjoy some of the stuff I put in there. 
> 
> I do want to put a little warning in here though - we see Charlotte again in this chapter, and without giving anything away, her home life is discussed, along with her mother's issues. I just want you to be prepared for that.

“Well, don’t you look tired?” Raven smirked and Clarke chuckled silently to herself before turning around to face her friend. It’d been a long morning, starting with her unable to help herself as she woke Bellamy up in a rather sudden manner before the sun had even fully risen, and continued with the students fresh back from spring break all abuzz with excitement and their inability to focus on anything made getting any productive classwork done almost impossible. 

Of course, every time she saw Bellamy in the hall or teacher’s lounge, and the memories of last night and this morning invaded her thoughts, Clarke ended up having a hard time focusing as well. 

But this sight, Raven with Madi propped on her hip in the doorway of her classroom in between classes was enough to quell her wandering thoughts. Clarke caught Madi in her arms readily, after the little girl wiggled impatiently down from Raven’s arms and ran full speed towards Clarke. 

“Hey sweet girl! Oh I missed you!” Clarke gushed, squeezing her tight. “Did you have fun with Aunt Raven and Auntie O?”

Madi nodded excitedly. “It was the best! They’re so cool. Auntie O told me all about - ” she stopped, scrunching up her face and turning to Raven. “What was that place again?”

“Italy,” Raven laughed.

“Right,” Madi said, turning back to Clarke. “It-a-ly,” she said slowly, trying to get the syllables right. “And did you know they have special ice cream?!” she gasped and Clarke gasped with her.

“I  _ did _ know that, actually,” Clarke smiled. 

“We had that for breakfast this morning!” Madi giggled.

Raven piped in. “Let the record show, that was only after she finished her scrambled eggs.”

Clarke straightened up and took Madi’s hand. “Uh, huh, sure it was,” she smirked at her friend.

Raven rolled her eyes. “Whatever. Either way, O and I definitely made the coolest aunt list, right kiddo?” she asked, crouching down and holding out her hand for a high five.

“Yep!” Madi said proudly, slapping Raven’s hand.

“Well, thanks for bringing her by. I only have one class left so she’ll go hang out with Hope in the daycare for a little while longer before we head out.”

“Of course. Thanks for letting us spend the night with her. She did great. We read lots of stories and she taught me how to sing Sunshine, and then O asked if she could sing that Cinderella one too.”

“You didn’t know You Are My Sunshine?” Clarke asked, eyebrow quirked. 

Raven shrugged. “I’ve heard it of course, but songs like that weren’t really part of my childhood, remember?”

Clarke cringed a little. “Right. Sorry.”

Raven shrugged again and reached out to ruffle Madi’s hair a little. “Don’t be. I’m just happy I get to do better with this little one.”

Clarke smiled at her friend. “And you’re doing great. Plus, I’m sure Madi would  _ love _ to teach you a whole bunch of kid songs to catch you up, isn’t that right, Mads?”   


Madi nodded enthusiastically. “Oh my goodness yes! Aunt Rae! Do you know baby shark?”

Clarke bit her lip to keep from laughing at Raven’s reaction. “Uh, yep. I - I think I do know that one, actually. So you know, no need to sing it for me.”

Madi rolled her eyes. “Ok then. Mom can we go see Hope now?” she asked, turning her gaze up to Clarke. 

Clarke wasn’t sure if she was ever going to get used to hearing Madi call her  _ mom _ , but if it warmed her heart in this way every time, that was alright by her. 

“Yeah, let’s go. My class starts in about ten minutes, so we’ve got to hustle, okay?” She turned to Raven. “Seriously, thanks again, Rae. You and O - that was really great, offering to hang out with Madi for the night.”

“She’s always welcome. Especially if you and the new hubby need to…” Raven trailed off, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively at Clarke. 

Clarke laughed. “Yeah I got it. I think we’ll be alright for the most part though. We’ll, uh… figure it out.”

“Alright,” Raven said, holding her hands up in surrender. “But you  _ did _ have a good time, right?” she teased. 

Clarke rolled her eyes, glancing down at Madi who seemed to remain blissfully unaware of what they were actually talking about. “ _ Yes _ , it was - ” she stopped herself, feeling the warmth rise up her neck at just how  _ good _ of a time they’d had. “Incr - ” she started, but was interrupted by Octavia entering and cutting her off.

“Nope. You can stop right there. I love you like a sister, which you coincidentally now  _ are _ , but I definitely don’t need to hear any of that,” Octavia chastised. “It was bad enough that when I went to say high to my brother just now, he was practically  _ glowing _ ,” she told Clarke with a disgusted tone. 

Clarke let out a laugh. “Yeah, well, the  _ glowing _ is mutual.”

Octavia shook her head. “Apparently,” she gritted out, pretending to choke. 

After Clarke and Madi said their goodbyes to Raven and O, Clarke quickly took Madi over to the daycare and managed to make it back to her class with barely a minute to spare. She was grateful this was her last class of the day, because all she wanted to do in that moment was have an easy rest of her day and to go home with her family and spend the evening laughing and kissing and cuddling and eating dinner with the people she loved most in the world. 

\-----------------------------

Unfortunately,  _ low key _ wasn’t something that was often in the cards for Clarke, and that was certainly the case for that day as well. She’d just finished up with her final class when Charlotte came walking in. Clarke hadn’t seen her in the class she was supposed to be in that morning and - trying not to assume the worst - figured she had just slept in after their busy week. Which Clarke wouldn’t have blamed her for, since she wasn’t the only one with a long few days. If she was absent again the next day, she’d make a call to check in. 

“Hey. Missed you this morning,” she told the teen, leaning against her desk. There was clearly something on Charlotte’s mind. “You doing okay?”

Charlotte nodded. “Yeah, actually. I, uh, I’m not keeping you from getting the kid, right?”   


Clarke smiled at her thoughtfulness of Madi. “No,” she shook her head. “I’ll just text Mr. Blake to get her,” she told Charlotte, picking up her phone and typing out a quick text. “I’m all yours. What’s up?” she asked, gesturing with her arm to a student desk in front of her. Her  _ left _ arm, and apparently Charlotte had caught sight of the new ring on her finger because she looked up at Clarke with mischievousness in her expression. 

“What’s that?” she asked, clearly rhetorically, but Clarke decided to answer anyway. 

“A ring, Charlotte. A wedding ring.”

Charlotte’s lips quirked up in an actual smile. “You got  _ married _ ? To Mr. Blake, right? Has to be.”

Clarke chuckled. “Yes, Charlotte. To Mr. Blake. Yesterday.” Bellamy and Clarke’s first stop that morning, after a coffee shop with extra shots of espresso, had been to Diyoza’s office. The principal had just rolled her eyes and pressed a button to be connected to Harper, who  _ of course _ , had already printed off the appropriate form. Diyoza gave them both a look before muttering something about how at least she hadn’t filed the form about them just simply dating from a few days ago.

Charlotte whistled. “Wow. That - has got to have set some sort of record.”

Clarke smiled and pushed off her desk at the front of the room to sit in a student desk next to Charlotte. “What’s going on, Charlotte?”

The girl glanced down, her fingernail picking at the old wood of the desk she was flopped over on. “So me and my mom - we had a talk when I got back from New York.”

Clarke knew it could’ve been a good or bad conversation and Charlotte’s demeanor was giving nothing away so she remained quiet to let the girl work out what she wanted to say and how she wanted to say it. In the meantime, Clarke felt like she was holding her breath, begging whoever was listening that Charlotte not be given any more hardship.

“Yeah, apparently last week, the reason why she didn’t come on the trip… she wanted to use the week to get some help,” Charlotte told her.

“Help?” Clarke asked, cautiously hopeful.

Charlotte nodded. “After I left, she called her sister, who lives in Maryland, to come up here, help her find somewhere - somewhere that she could really get clean and get some help so she can stay that way. They spent the last week getting her ready and getting my aunt settled at my house,” she told Clarke, looking up at her with tears in her eyes. And she wasn’t the only one - Clarke’s eyes started feeling pretty wet themselves.

“Oh, Charlotte,” Clarke managed to squeak out, because keeping a steady tone was just not going to happen. 

Charlotte nodded rapidly. “Yeah, my aunt is going to take care of me while my mom is in the program. 3 months. We dropped her off this morning, that’s why I wasn’t in class.”

“That’s - I’m so happy for you, Charlotte,” Clarke told her, reaching across the middle of the desks to place a hand on one of hers. “I didn’t - I knew things weren’t easy after what happened with your dad, but I didn’t know she had that kind of problem like he did. I’m so sorry I didn’t see it.”   


Charlotte reached up and wiped hastily at the tears on her cheeks and shaking her head. “It wasn’t drugs. After Dad - it’s not drugs like him. It was alcohol. A lot of it,” she clarified. “And you didn’t know because I didn’t want you to. I couldn’t risk - I didn’t want to get taken away from her,” Charlotte admitted. “But this weekend... she told me - she told me she loved me, Ms. Griffin. And that she wanted better for me, for us. That she was doing this for us. That she was sorry for what she put me through.”

The tears were flowing freely from both of them now, and Clarke hopped off the desk so she could get closer and crouch down to Charlotte’s level. “You are not alone in this, Charlotte. You have your aunt and your friends, and us here at school. We’re all here for you, okay? And it’s good that she’s getting help. There’s hope, and that’s one of the most powerful things in the entire world.”

“Thank you, for everything,” Charlotte mumbled. “For making me feel like - like I’m worth more. That there’s more to life than just surviving. I really love art.”

“And you are  _ so _ talented Charlotte, seriously. You know, when I’m feeling down or overwhelmed or stressed, one of my favorite things in the world is getting lost in a drawing or painting. The whole world just melts away and I’m in a place that is safe, and one that I made my own.”

Charlotte nodded, shifting around so she could get up. Clarke straightened up and stepped back to give her space. “Thanks again.”

“Anytime Charlotte, I’m always here, okay?” 

Charlotte nodded and slung her backpack across her back, rocking back and forth on her feet, her gaze turned down. Before Clarke could say anything else, Charlotte surged forward, wrapping her arms quickly around Clarke’s middle with so much force, Clarke had to take a step back. But as quick as the hug came, it was gone, and Clarke hadn’t even had a chance to reciprocate. 

“Tell Madi hey from me,” she mumbled and walked briskly towards the door. Clarke knew learning that it was okay to show vulnerability took time - it was something Clarke still struggled with, and she hoped that one day Charlotte wouldn’t be so uncomfortable to show how she was truly feeling.

“I will. Have a good night, Charlotte, I’ll see you in the morning.”

Charlotte continued towards the door, opening it so forcefully she almost slammed it right into Bellamy and Madi.

“Whoa, where’s the fire, kid?”

Charlotte just mumbled something incoherent and bolted away, leaving Bellamy to look at Clarke with a bewildered expression on his face. 

“Auntie Mommy!” Madi hollered, running across the front of the class towards Clarke. She crouched low, catching her daughter and swinging her up into her arms, holding her tightly. If she couldn’t hug Charlotte, she was damn well going to squeeze Madi in a big hug.

“Hey. Everything okay?” Bellamy asked, nodding his head towards the little pre-teen tornado that had just blown out of the room as he walked over to them. He placed a hand on the small of Clarke’s back soothingly and dipped down to kiss her.

Clarke hummed. “It will be,” she told him, staring after her before turning back to Bellamy with a small smile. 

He reached up to cup her cheek gently, wiping at the dry tear stain. “Are  _ you _ okay?” he asked more pointedly.

She stretched up on her toes, giving him another light kiss. “I am now,” she told him honestly. “Let’s go home.” 

Bellamy’s lips stretched out into a bright smile. “Your wish is my command, Princess.”   


***

Bellamy rounded the last corner to their street and spared a glance over to his wife in the passenger seat. “Mine or yours?” he asked, because while they were married now, they hadn’t even started the transition over to his house, though they had about five days until Sydney wanted her out. The ultimatum had been for them to be out by the day of the trial, so they had a busy week ahead. At least they were just moving it all next door. 

Clarke inhaled deeply and turned to him, leaning her head back against the headrest. “Uh, mine, I guess. I wish we could just - ” she stopped, shaking her head. “ But we should get to packing.”

“Okay. I’ll drop you two off and run out for boxes…” he trailed off slowly when they reached their houses, pulling into the driveway of his house because Clarke’s driveway was completely full of their friends’ cars. “What’s going on?” he asked absently, exchanging a look with Clarke. She shrugged, clearly not expecting this either.

“Look! I see Uncle Miller!” Madi shrieked. “And Uncle Murphy! Look! Look!” she hollered pointing her little hand insistently. 

Bellamy chuckled, looking out Clarke’s window at where she was pointing. “Yeah, I see them munchk - ” he started, but was cut off by his door being jerked open, causing all three of them to jump. “Holy sh - Octavia! What the hell was that for?”

His sister smirked, clearly pleased with having startled him. “Hey big brother. Welcome home.” Stepping back to let him out, Clarke following suit, O added, “I think you owe the little lady a quarter by the way, for the h - e - double hockey sticks.”   


Bellamy rolled his eyes, but Madi giggled and cheered as Clarke got her out of her carseat. “Yeah, yeah. Although it was your fault,  _ sis _ , so maybe you should be the one to pay up,” he told her, poking her in the shoulder. 

“How about we all just don’t worry about it?” Clarke said coming around from the other side of the truck and ignoring Madi’s indignant  _ hey _ . “So you want to explain what’s happening here?” she asked.

O gave them a sly smile and motioned with her arm to follow her over to Clarke’s house. Stepping inside, Bellamy saw pizza and beer strewn about on the counter and half-packed boxes and packing wrap pretty much  _ everywhere _ , making it pretty obvious what their friends had been doing all day while he and Clarke were at the school. 

“After we dropped off Mads at the school, we joined everyone here to get stuff going for you. We have most of the kitchen and living room packed, but we went a little slower on the rooms upstairs since that stuff is more personal,” O explained. “But the furniture upstairs is disassembled and ready to go at least,” she added.

“I don’t - I don’t know what to say or how to thank you,” Clarke told them, clearly astonished like he was that they’d done all of this. 

“You could give us some free labor at the restau - ow! ‘Mori!” Murphy scoffed, rubbing at the spot on his arm. “What are you doing carrying that anyway?” he asked her, the box that Emori had shifted to one arm so she could pinch her husband teetering precariously. “I thought we talked about you carrying heavy things in your state,” he said, low.

Emori rolled her eyes and shooed him off. “And then I told  _ you _ to shove it. I can carry boxes just fine. Leave me be.”

Murphy grumbled. “Sue me for caring.”

Emori pursed her lips. “You’re right, I’m sorry. Thank you for caring. So  _ please _ leave me be. Better?” she smiled, tipping her head up. 

Murphy leaned over to give her a kiss. “Better.”

“ _ Aww _ and you say Clarke and I are the sickening ones,” Bellamy teased, shoving at Murphy a little. 

“Oh you are,” Murphy affirmed with a grin.

“If it isn’t the newlyweds!” Raven hollered, coming into the house, Miller by her side, cat-calling the two of them, and Lincoln trailing just behind. Clarke went immediately over to wrap Raven in a hug. “We all figured you two would be too busy getting  _ busy _ this next week to actually finish moving,” Raven laughed. 

“Ew! Stop,” O scoffed, putting her hands over her ears. Lincoln laughed and wrapped his arms around her waist, placing a kiss on her neck that Bellamy agreed was very  _ ew _ .

“In any case, Happy Wedding you guys!” Miller announced dramatically. “Our gift to you,” he explained, bowing low. 

Clarke chuckled next to him. “I can’t believe you guys did this,” she smiled and Bellamy wrapped an arm around her, bringing her into his side. Madi was wandering around the room, peering in various boxes, rearranging things as her little toddler brain saw fit. 

“Okay,” Raven clapped. “The boys will stay down here and finish moving the heavy furniture to the second car spot in Blake’s garage, the girls will head upstairs to finish up the bedrooms, and Madi - ”

“Pizza!” the three year yelled, having finally made her way around the room to the counter, hopping on a barstool. 

They all laughed and Raven ruffled her hair, placing a noisy kiss on her crown. “ - and Mad Hatter will eat her weight in pizza.”

“You used that nickname before you know,” Clarke pointed out, laughing. “Did you finally run out of ideas?”

Raven scoffed and put a hand to her chest. “Never. I think that one’s my favorite though,” she smiled mischievously. She wrapped her arm though Clarke’s and pulled her away from Bellamy towards the stairs. “Now we all have our marching orders, let’s get a move on, people!” Raven ordered. Then under her breath she added, “ And you can tell us all about the wedding night,” with wiggling eyebrows. Clarke glanced back at him, one of her own eyebrows raised playfully and he rolled his eyes, eliciting an amused smile to spread across her face. 

“No, we will definitely  _ not  _ be talking about that!” Octavia stubbornly insisted, trailing along after. 

“Sorry, O, I’m with Raven, I want details,” Emori agreed as they hit the stairs. 

“Ugh,” O groaned. 

“Not too many details, please!” Bellamy called along after, and he could feel his neck flush with awkwardness.

“Why, you ashamed?” Miller teased. 

“Yeah, man, nothing to be embarrassed about,” Murphy joined in. “I mean, if the pressure got to you, that’s natural. All guys go through it. I mean, not  _ me _ , but you know - other guys.”   


“Shut up you two,” he mumbled, shoving at the two of them. “I’m not embarrassed of  _ anything _ ,” he doubled down. “Now grab a box and stop before you say too much in front of Madi,” he nodded over to the girl, currently double fisting the pizza.

“You mean, your daughter?” Monty asked, low, having snuck in through the open door and clearly having heard at least part of the conversation. 

Bellamy swallowed heavily. “Uh, I mean, it’s only been a day, but - ” he stopped, clearing his throat. He’d obviously started thinking of Madi as his, but it hadn’t really been said out loud yet. 

“How’s it feel?” Murphy asked, more serious than Bellamy had expected him to sound. His friend glanced at the stairs after the women, and Bellamy made a mental note to check in on how he was doing later, now that Murphy was going to be a father too. 

“Like I said, it’s only been a day. But I’m looking forward to figuring it out. She’s a special kid.”   


“Yeah she is,” Miller agreed. “Okay, you want to start with the couch? We figured we’d just move the stuff you don’t need in your house into the garage until you guys figure out what to do with it.”

Bellamy nodded and went to the other end of the furniture, heaving it up and tilting it so they could fit it through the doorway. Murphy and Monty each grabbed a box to follow after. “We’ll be right back, Madi. Stay here.”

"I'll be here finishing up the kitchen," Lincoln nodded at him, his implication that he'd keep an eye on her clear. They hadn't been able to spend much time getting to know each other, but already Bellamy could see that he was a reliable and kind man. 

Madi turned towards him and waved, giving him a bright smile, so wide and silly and  _ bright _ and it made Bellamy’s heart stutter a little. 

_ Wife _ .  _ Daughter _ . 

Despite that he’d considered them family a long time ago, Monty calling Madi his daughter struck a chord. They may not be completely there quite yet, but he’d be the one raising her with Clarke, and he loved her more than he could ever express out loud. 

_ Wife. Daughter _ .

A lot had changed over the course of five months. And he wouldn’t have it any other way.

\-----------------------------

Later that night,  _ much much _ later, after all their friends had gone home after making his house look like a bomb went off, he laid in bed with Clarke. At her house this time though because Clarke wanted Madi to have one last night in her room with the wildflowers before they completed the move. However, since the furniture had already been disassembled, they were sleeping on mattresses on the floor. 

He lazily stroked her bare spine - her skin was still slightly flushed and moist and part of him was astounded that they’d found the energy to have sex after the exhausting day they’d had.  _ Then again _ , he thought, looking down at her, maybe it wasn’t so astounding - he was pretty sure he could go an entire week without sleep and he’d still find the energy to make love to her. 

Her finger played on his chest, tracing some picture he’d never be able to identify, and he closed his eyes, resting in the peace of holding the woman he loved in his arms. 

“We are definitely using my mattress,” she said suddenly and he opened one eye to look at her.

“What’s wrong with mine?” he asked, pretending to be offended, though he one hundred percent agreed that her bed was the superior one. 

She grinned and shook her head. “I’m just saying - it’s a miracle you get any rest at all. How long have you had that thing?”

He closed his eyes again and chuckled. “Not that long - like 10 -12 years? Bought it when I moved into my apartment across from my college.”

Clarke snorted. “Yeah, okay. You just made my point for me.”

They let the quiet take over again, and they laid there a few minutes longer before her finger stopped drawing. Ordinarily, he’d just assume that she’d fallen asleep, but her breathing was uneven still and he could just  _ feel _ something was on her mind.

“Stop stewing. Whatever you’re thinking so intensely about, it’s going to be fine.”

“How do you know I’m stewing - your eyes are closed. You’re practically sleeping,” she mumbled.

Bellamy opened his eyes fully then and gave her a look. One glance in her eyes and he knew he had been right - there was something on her mind. “I don’t need to see you to know something is going on with you,” he told her gently. He shifted them so they were both on their sides. He reached out and smoothed back and errant curl from her face, tucking it behind her ear. “Tell me. Is it the trial on Friday?”   


Clarke breathed deeply, but shook her head. “I have something I need to tell you.”

“Okay,” he said, waiting patiently, trying not to jump to worse case scenarios. The last time she’d kept something from him, it was Sydney blackmailing her into stealing something from one of the richest, most prestigious companies in the world in exchange for keeping Madi.

She must’ve seen his carefully controlled panic because her eyes widened. “No, it’s not bad. I promise. Just something I want you to know. While we were on the trip to New York, I had something else I needed to take care of with Kane, other than the custody issue. Well, it  _ is _ a custody issue, just not the issue with the Sorensons. And it wasn’t  _ me _ taking care of it so much as needing Kane to - ”

“Clarke. Stop rambling,” he laughed, though her inability to just say something would always be endlessly endearing. 

“Right,” she chuckled nervously, her hand playing the corner of a pillowcase. “I thought about how prepared Wells always used to be - something he said in the letter he left me about Glass thinking the whole Will thing was morbid. But it ended up being a good thing because if he hadn’t made it clear that they wanted me to have Madi… well…” she trailed off and he knew that they were both thinking that the Sorensons would’ve ended up with custody most likely. Clarke would’ve fought for her, he was sure, but the whole situation would’ve been much harder. “And well, I wanted to follow his lead. I want to make sure Madi is taken care of if something ever happens to me.”   


“ _ Nothing _ is happening to you,” he said firmly.

“Please, Bellamy, I need you to hear this. Because I was blindsided and I don’t want you to be. I know we started off - ” she laughed to herself. “- not great. But I hope you know by now how much I love you. How much I trust you. More than almost anybody. You’ve got such a big heart, Bellamy. But if something happens to me, I’m going to need you to use this too,” she said softly, holding a finger to his temple. “ _ Madi _ is going to need you.”

“She needs you too,” he insisted softly, trying not to imagine the scenario that she was talking about. It was too hard, hurt too much, to think of living his life without her.

Clarke nodded. “But if she can’t have me, I want her to have  _ you _ . Which is why I had Kane start drawing up my own Will, with you named as Madi’s legal guardian if something does happen. He should have them ready on Friday for me to sign. He’ll file them if -  _ when _ \- we win this custody battle. But I wanted to check with you first.”

Bellamy’s heart pounded and he reached for her hand, intertwining her fingers with his own, squeezing tight. “Of  _ course _ I will take care of Madi. She’s my home as much as you are,” he told her earnestly. A tear slipped from the corner of her eye and he reached up with their joined hands to wipe it away. “I love you - both of you. But just so you know, I plan on living a long,  _ long _ life with you, Clarke Griffin. Until we’re both too old to make it up those stairs, you hear me?”

She smiled. “I hear you. And it’s Clarke Griffin- _ Blake _ , by the way, that’s something Kane is going to file too, I already called him earlier about it. I hope that’s okay.”

He felt his responding grin stretch wide across his face and he left her hand between them to cup her face, bringing it to his own, kissing her deeply. 

“It’s more than okay - it’s perfect,” he told her softly when their lips parted, tilting his forehead against hers and closing his eyes. “I love you,” he told her again.

“Not more than I love you,” she teased, making him smile again. He could feel with his lips her smile as well, and he closed the gap to taste it, rolling her on her back and trapping her beneath his body. 

His suddenly very  _ alert _ body. She slid her hands over his shoulders and up through his hair, holding him as close to her as possible, and he kissed her until neither one could breathe and every single one of his senses felt like they were on fire.

Exhaustion be damned. He loved this woman too much. Her moans, the softness of her skin, the way she moved under him, the way she arched her back, the way her nails raked into his back as they melted together. Each little thing pumping adrenaline through his veins. Who needed sleep when being with the one your soul loved felt like  _ this _ ?

***

“Hey,” Clarke heard Bellamy’s voice behind her two days later at lunch in the teacher’s lounge. She looked up just in time to catch his kiss and he pulled away frowning. “What’s wrong?”

She took a long breath. The trial was two days away, on Friday, and Kane had emailed her earlier that morning to let her know that the judge assigned to the case was Judge Shumway. He was apparently pretty corrupt and had quite the reputation for letting people who should be behind bars go free. And evidently he was also not one for any sort of emotional bias. Which meant it was a toss-up whether that would work in their favor. If Cage was somehow able to find  _ any _ sort of loophole to discredit the will and child care directive, Madi would, by default, go to the next of kin - the Sorensons. And since Clarke’s side technically only had an eyewitness in Octavia, there was no tangible proof of abuse and they’d been relying mostly on testimony. 

It was not exactly what Clarke was hoping to hear. 

“The judge assigned to Madi’s case is going to be a problem,” she told him as he sat down across from her. “I mean, I sort of get it. If you’re determining where a kid is going to live, or whether a crime has been committed, you’ve got to be tough. But apparently Shumway is easily swayed by shiny things and lucrative connections,” she huffed. Who knew what lengths the Sorensons would go to? “I don’t know if he’s going to be convinced over biology - especially since the eyewitness to our claim of abuse happens to be your sister. There might not be enough evidence if Cage finds any hole to exploit.” 

“Right...” he trailed off, a far off look in his eyes. “What did Kane say about it?” 

Clarke shrugged. “I don’t know - that he’d work on it, whatever that means. I’m going to call him about it when school’s out. I want to know what his plan is.” Bellamy didn’t respond, only stared off somewhere over Clarke’s shoulder. He was so intent that she actually glanced behind her. She reached across the table to grip his hand that was sitting there limply. “Hey. Earth to Bell,” she said, shaking his hand. When he blinked rapidly and connected with her eyes again, she asked. “Where’d you go?”   


“Nowhere - I just, what did you say the judge’s name was?” 

Clarke squinted at him. “Shumway. Why?”

“I think - I think I’ve met him. Or, rather,  _ seen _ him.”

“What?” Clarke asked, confused. “Where? When?”   


Bellamy huffed. “I don’t remember. He was - oh, it’s right there,” he groaned, frustrated.

“It’s okay, it’ll come to you. Did you go to court at all when you were younger?” she asked carefully. They’d had many many conversations over the past 5 months, but there was still so much about his childhood and teenage years that was a mystery to her. But of what she knew, it wasn’t unlikely.

But Bellamy shook his head. “That’s not it - I feel like it’s closer than that. More recent.”

Their lunch sat on the table, still uneaten, but neither seemed to really care at the moment. “Okay, well, judges preside over all kinds of different cases. Maybe Miller mentioned - ”

“That’s it!” Bellamy said suddenly, scrambling to pull out his phone. Clarke sat back and watched, waiting for him to explain. But all he did was punch his screen a few times and put the phone up to his ear. “Miller! Remember back when Nygel was in Sydney’s house? I had to call you because I saw drugs being brought in… right, yeah, you guys came and arrested her.”

Clarke was still unsure what this had to do with the judge, but she tried to listen the best she could. They weren’t exactly alone in the room, otherwise she would’ve made him put it on speaker so she could hear Miller’s side.

“Yeah, I know she got off. She always did,” Bellamy scoffed. “But who was the judge assigned to her case? I went to that one since I was the one who called it in… Shumway! Yes!” he cheered, locking eyes with Clarke. “Wasn’t he the one you said... yeah, yeah, the one who conveniently was  _ always _ assigned to her cases. And Pike’s. That’s him. Oh my - Miller you are the best. Thank you, Clarke thanks you… yeah, man, I’ll see you in a couple days at the trial.”

Bellamy hung up the phone and sighed, relieved. 

“So you want to tell me  _ why _ I’m thanking Miller?” she asked him though she could probably put most of the pieces together.

“Shumway - the reason why I remember that name. He was the judge who used to get Nygel out of whatever legal trouble she found herself in.  _ Every _ damn time. I remember Miller complaining that night about why even bother arresting her anymore because Shumway would end up dismissing the charges,” he told her, a weird mix of irritation, indignation and excitement in his tone. “He’d always find some way to dismiss any evidence the police pulled together. He must’ve been paid off by Sydney.”

“So he’s Sydney’s lap dog,” Clarke sighed, trying to hold it together. “And I have no chance of winning,” she barely got out. 

Bellamy’s eyes went wide and he got up from his side of the table to come around to her, crouching down and grabbing her hands, which were fidgeting anxiously in her lap. “No, no that’s not what I meant,” he said, shaking his head. “Well, I mean, it  _ is _ , because he is on her payroll, but this is a good thing. If we - or rather, Kane - can prove a connection between Shumway and Sydney, then between Sydney and Wallace… that’s a conflict of interest, Clarke. Shouldn’t that be enough for Kane to request a new judge?”

Clarke’s gaze shot up to his and her heart started pounding. “I need to call Kane,” she said, pulling out her phone. The trial was in two days, if they were going to get Shumway thrown off, it needed to happen quickly. 

Bellamy put a hand on her phone, stopping her. “Let me. I lived next to Sydney’s parade of criminals for years. I can corroborate. And I’ll give Miller a heads up - he’ll back up the connections. And he’ll ask any other cops that were involved in the cases too.”

Clarke surged forward and wrapped her arms around Bellamy’s neck, peppering his cheek with kisses. He chuckled a little and wrapped his arms around her, holding tight. “Thank you, that’s - just thank you.”

“For helping a mom to keep her daughter? Yeah, that was a real hard decision to make,” he teased lightly. 

“No - for loving me. For loving Madi. For fighting for us. For trying to honor the wishes of two people you never got to meet. You’ve never asked for anything in return. You just  _ loved _ us.”

He pulled back and put his hand on the side of her neck like she loved and looked at her with the passion and intensity that she fell in love with and continued to fall for every day. 

“I don’t need anything in return, Princess. You’ve already given me everything.”

She kissed him swiftly, but sincerely. Partly because they were in a room full of co-workers and should probably maintain a sense of professionalism. And partly because if she kissed him the way she really wanted to, it’d most definitely get the both of them fired. 

Bellamy stood, bringing her up with him, smirking. “Okay, well, I have a phone call to make before class starts. I’ll see you and Madi after school.”

She nodded. “Text me, please, let me know how it goes. Love you,” she smiled. 

“Love you too. I will.”

When he left, she sat back down to finish her lunch, laughing to herself when she realized Bellamy in his haste to call Kane had left all his food there. 

“I thought I’d heard that you two had gotten married - at least that’s what my students have bemoaned, now that both of you have been taken off the market,” a voice from around her left laughed. Clarke turned to look and saw Dr. Santiago sitting at a table not far from her own. “And judging from that ring, I’d say they were right. Congratulations, by the way, Ms. Griffin. Or is it Blake now?”

Clarke swung her gaze around. “It’s both, actually,” she told him. “Griffin-Blake. And thank you.” Gabriel tipped his head and turned back to his lunch, but Clarke thought of something and spoke up again. “Wait, I actually have a question for you. And I know how this is going to sound, but - are you… you don’t happen to be seeing anyone?”

Gabriel chuckled, but looked away, his face blushing. “Actually, kind of. It’s new, but - sorry,” he stammered, clearly smitten with whoever it was.

“Shame. I had a friend who you would’ve liked,” Clarke smiled. She’d have to keep an eye on him for Raven, but as of now, it seemed like he wasn’t going to be an option for her. “Let me know if you suddenly find yourself free again.”   


“I will do that,” he smiled. “Thanks for the interest though. Tell Blake thanks too,” he teased, standing and throwing the rest of his stuff out. 

Clarke laughed at his insinuation. “It really was for a friend,” she tried. 

“Right,” Gabe nodded. “‘A friend.’ Sure. Okay. If that’s your story,” he shrugged, backing out of the room. But by the way he seemed to be making fun of her, Clarke was sure he was just messing with her. 

Clarke laughed again and shook her head, spooning some yogurt into her mouth. Her phone dinged next to her and her heart beat a little faster when she saw it was Bellamy.

**_Bellamy_ ** _ : Talked to Kane. He said he’d figure out a way to prove the conflict and let you know what happens. Keep the faith, Princess. _

Clarke sighed, and sent back a quick text thanking him and forced herself to breathe as she cleaned up her table and readied for her next class.

It was all going to be okay - it had to be.

\-----------------------------

“You awake still?” Clarke whispered against his spine a couple nights later. She was curved around him, her bare chest to his warm, bare back, her arm wrapped around his waist and her face at the base of his neck. She gave him a soft kiss between his shoulder blades and felt him stir. 

“Trying not to be. You shouldn’t be awake either,” she heard him mumble, the deep hoarseness of sleep evident in his voice. “Trial is tomorrow morning, you should get some rest.”

Clarke sighed, which prompted him to turn around in her arms so they were face to face. His eyes still closed, he leaned forward to capture her lips, kissing her slowly. His fingers ran up and down her arm, leaving a trail of goosebumps in her wake. 

“I can’t sleep,” she whispered. “I’m so - I know it probably won’t be decided tomorrow - that we might have a few days of trial ahead of us, but I just can’t stop thinking about Madi. I mean - she’s  _ three _ , four next month, and she’s been through so much. And with the anniversary of the accident coming up... I can’t - I can’t protect her from this.”

His eyelids fluttered open and his arm reached further, his hand splaying out against her spine and pulling her in close, tucking her into his chest. She spent a moment just breathing him in, grateful that she had him to share her fears with. Clarke knew he’d keep her safe. 

“You want to go see her?” he asked, surprising her. She’d expected him to say something sweet about her efforts and to keep the hope or it wasn’t over yet or something. But as per usual, he said the exact thing she needed to hear and she hadn’t even known that was it. 

Clarke nodded into him and he kissed the top of her head, rolling onto his back with a groan before sitting up. He ran his fingers through his hair and looked back over his shoulder at Clarke with a sleepy grin. She sat up and wrapped her arms around his back to his chest, kissing his shoulder. 

She disentangled herself from him, moving to the end of the bed to grab his shirt, but instead of tossing it to him, she put it on herself and then leaned off the bed to grab a pair of her sleep shorts. He chuckled and stood to put his sweats on, then bent to pick up her shirt, which had been tossed on the floor in their haste earlier after putting Madi to bed. 

“So am I supposed to wear yours then?”

“Oh no, I much more prefer you without any shirt,” she smirked to him, walking up to press a kiss to his heart. 

Bellamy hummed amusedly. “And I much more prefer you in mine, so you can keep it,” he murmured, pressing a kiss next to her ear.

Clarke’s body tingled with his closeness and she was just about to abandon, or at least stall, her visit to check on Madi when the little girl in question started shouting. 

Both her and Bellamy’s heads swiveled over to the door and only a few seconds past before they were both darting down the hallway, Bellamy snatching another one of his shirts from the hook on the back of the door on their way out. 

“Madi? Baby?” Clarke whisper-yelled as she entered the girl’s room. Madi was on the bed, curled up on her side in the fetal position, now whimpering more than yelling. Clarke knelt down next to her face and touched a hand to her shoulder, and she could feel Bellamy standing just behind her. “Madi, sweetie, you okay?”

Madi groaned and cracked an eye open. Her little blankie was fisted tightly in her little hands. “Mommy?”

Clarke smiled a little. “Yeah, I’m right here, little one. You okay?” she asked again.

“I’m scared,” her little voice whispered, breaking Clarke’s heart. She saw Madi’s gaze shift over her shoulder at Bellamy.   


“What’s going on, munchkin?” he asked softly, but Madi just shook her head. 

“You know you can tell us, right? If you want to?” Clarke asked, drawing Madi’s eyes back to her. 

“I don’t want to go tomorrow.”

Clarke’s eyes started welling up, but she bit her lip to keep herself under control. “Me either, baby.”

“None of us want to go, Mads. But you know what?” Bellamy asked, sitting on Madi’s bed at her feet. He had a hand on Madi and a hand on Clarke as if he was trying to comfort them both at the same time. 

“What?” Madi asked.

“We’ll be together. The entire time. And all your aunts and uncles will be there. And Grandma Abby and Grandpa Jake.”

“You’ll be there?” she asked him.

He nodded. “I wouldn’t miss it, munchkin. You’ll be sitting with me while Clarke has the grown up talks. And the parts that are too boring for you, you’ll go out in the lobby with Aunt Raven or me.” It was something that they talked about earlier that day, and when Kane had called them yesterday to go over all the important details - including who their new judge would be since Kane had won his petition for a new one - they realized having Madi in the room the entire time wasn’t going to be the best thing for her. They didn’t know how ruthless or what lies Wallace was going to try to get away with and they didn’t want Madi to be present in case it got ugly as much as possible.

“Can I sit on your lap?” Madi asked him and the expression that Bellamy’s face made threatened to make Clarke’s heart explode. 

“Of course, sweetie. We’re a family, and I’m always going to be here for you, okay?”

Madi nodded and burrowed into her covers a little more. Clarke stroked the hair off her face again. “You feeling better baby?”

Madi nodded. “Don’t go.”

Clarke smiled. “I wouldn’t dream of it. Scooch over, I’ll stay until you fall asleep, okay?” 

Madi smiled and scooted over. Bellamy got up and helped Clarke get situated on the bed next to Madi. 

“You good?” he asked her, his hand on the side of Clarke’s face. 

“Yeah, thank you. I’ll be in a little later,” she whispered to him, since Madi’s eyes had started drooping again. 

“Take your time,” he told her softly, leaning down to give each of them a kiss on the head. When he pulled back from Madi, she opened her eyes a little more and mumbled something incoherently. “What’s that, sweetie?”

“You too. Stay too,” she said again, a little clearer, though it was obvious she was losing her battle to stay awake. But she patted the bed next to her, on the other side. “Pease?” she asked and Bellamy looked to Clarke, a question in his eyes. 

“Of course it’s okay. Hop in if you can fit,” Clarke chuckled under her breath and she saw Bellamy’s eyes start to moisten with emotion, his breath hitching. He nodded and walked around the bed, careful not to tousle Madi as he laid down on her other side. 

Clarke looked down, the little girl now nestled in between her and Bellamy on the small twin-sized bed. He stretched his arm out across the back of the bed behind Clarke’s head so she could rest her head on his forearm.

Madi’s breathing evened out and her mouth drooped open a little, signifying that she’d fallen back into a deep sleep. Clarke leaned her head back and connected with Bellamy’s eyes. He smiled softly at her, mouthing  _ I love you _ over to her, which she readily returned before her eyes started drifting shut. 

Clarke had told Madi that they’d stay just until she fell asleep, but she thought maybe this is what they all needed. Their little family, snuggled close and wrapped up in each other’s embrace, safe and loved and protected from anything that might threaten to tear them apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Bellarke fluff, Bellarke + Madi fluff/comfort, found family goodness, sexy times (even if this time was more vague), even Gabe! And I really wanted Charlotte to have some hope and wrap up her story in a way that was satisfying, so I hope I accomplished that! 
> 
> Next up - the trial! It's a long chapter too, so I hope you're ready for the SHOWDOWN.
> 
> See you soon! ❤


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